


Waking Up In Pieces

by Kimium



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: And a bit of suicidal thoughts, Both of these are in chapter six btw, I'm sorry I don't know what to call it, M/M, Mention of a suicide attempt, POV shift between Hinata and Komaeda, Post SDR 2, Slight verbal scolding?, That's in Chapter 11 btw, Very very brief mention of an Eating Disorder in Chapter 13, attempted strangulation, editing, slight physical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 164,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9248039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimium/pseuds/Kimium
Summary: Post SDR 2Hajime isn't sure of Komaeda's request, but the insistence is making it hard for him to say no.Alternatively: Komaeda claims a strict discipline will help him recover and asks a semi-unwilling Hajime to be the executor of said discipline.**As of JUNE 8, 2018 I'm doing minor EDITS to this fic. Edited 9/18 chapters.





	1. Awake From Your Slumber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is alternatively titled: "Hit Me Baby One More Time."
> 
> So, this story is a gift for Liarde, my lovely Russian translator. The idea came from one of our many talks we had a long while ago. I hope this works out, since unlike Three Rules, I got no clue where this will head besides a few key elements.
> 
> It took me a while to write this. I went through three rewrites before settling on a shifting POV between Hajime and Komaeda. Originally I was going to only write in Hajime's POV, but I found the story deviating when I wrote strictly as him.
> 
> As a warning, I'll probably heavily focus on Hajime and Komaeda. I got zero clue how many other characters I'll add in. If I do add anyone else I'll update the tags. Also, I'm praying this won't be a long as Three Rules got... but... no promises...
> 
> As always feel free to leave kudos and comments. I love reading your comments and seeing the kudos. They always make my day.

The beeping was soft, almost background noise. His body was in a bizarre combination of weightless and feeling tethered to the ground. Tied to the back of his mind was a reminder he was still attached to a body, but his mind was struggling against his skull, wanting to break free and float away. Every push against his skull sent a jolt down his body, one he wanted to paw and scratch at, but the disconnection between motor function and mind was gaping, like a sliver cut into the breast of raw chicken.

The beeping was reaching a crescendo, slowly building, getting louder, and louder. It was becoming an itch, a problem his brain latched onto, dividing his attention between trying to break free of his body and finding a way to shut the sound off. The unfinished tasks left his brain spiralling, desperate to complete both. Pushing forward, he tried to tie his mind down, focus on the achievable task: shutting the sound off. At his side his fingers twitched, muscles fighting to regain control. He pushed harder.

A sharp, blinding stab to his head erupted at the side. A gasp, long, and dry, hit the back of his throat and escaped from his mouth. Gasping again he felt his mind slam into his skull, accompanied by a rush of blood filling his face, making the tips of his ears warm. Colours swirled in his eyes, bleeding and mixing until it settled in, like cream swirled into coffee. Multiple white lights danced across his vision before exploding into black splotches. He let out another gasp and felt the air warm his mouth. Something was around his face, hard and plastic, with a soft cushion feel at the edges. Twisting a bit to feel, he let out a gasp as something stabbed into the crook of his arm. Gingerly he tilted his head down.

He was lying down, some straps along his body. Wires ran parallel to him before disappearing off the side. His clothing was non-descript, almost a white tinted blue, wrapped around a sad excuse for a body. With each inhale, he felt the skin around his midsection, could feel it stretching against bone. Where was he? His mind was still hazy, static dancing across a screen. Twisting his head slowly he looked at his arm, where the stabbing pain had occurred.

Immediately he felt his heart stop. White bandage was wrapped around his elbow extending a bit before abruptly stopping at a stump. His mind stepped back, filling in the space with a bit more forearm, wrist, and hand, but there was none. His mouth twitched and he felt a shaky exhale against his skin. No arm. He had no arm. Something fell in his mind, spiralling downward, like a coin falling into a deep well. His breath was shortening and he twisted harshly, trying to move his arm, see what had happened. The wires pulled and he felt pain, but all he wanted was to look at his incomplete arm, touch it, see if it was real.

The beeping sound changed, instead of a steady beat it began to beep randomly and harshly. He didn’t care. Struggling he tried to sit up, but his head hit something hard and smooth. His neck ached at the angle as he tilted his head down as his vision began to spin…

“Komaeda!!”

A clear, almost breathless voice hit his ears. A mechanical whirl hit his ears, followed by warm arms wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him gently to a steady heartbeat.

“Komaeda… I’m here to help. Take a deep breath.”

Arms wrapped gently around him, pulling him closer. Against his chest, he could feel the other’s rhythmic breathing, guiding his own. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to follow as the pattern continued. The spinning started to slow down and the beeping had stopped. A low click of machinery echoed softly in the background as the arms held him tightly, whispering against his head, into his hair. His chest rose evenly.

“Komaeda. It’s… I’m Hinata Hajime. I’m going to take out the IV. I need to you stay still. Nod your head if you understand.”

Now that his vision and breathing were even, the name hit his mind, the coin finally hitting the water, dropping into the well. Who was Komaeda? He felt his mouth try to frown as his mind searched, seeking the name. Komaeda… who was that? It felt familiar, almost warm, but it wrapped around him like wet silk, clinging to skin. He shuddered. Why was he called that? He didn’t want that… It wasn’t his… he had nothing.

“Komaeda?” A warm hand rubbed up and down against his back, “Please, I want to take the IV out. Nod if you understand.”

IV? That was what hospitals had… was he sick? A sick chuckle threatened to form. Wait, that was a bizarre question; he had always been sick. He nodded.

“Okay. Sit still.”

He barely felt the pain as Hinata removed the needle. A press against his skin and some pressure and something was applied to the crook of his elbow, to stanch the bleeding. The hand returned to rub his back and it felt warm, almost sleepily so. He leaned into the touch.

“Komaeda, how are you feeling?” Hinata asked softly.

That name. He craned his head up, unsure what to expect. If he was in a hospital, then perhaps this Hinata Hajime was a doctor or nurse? Instead, he was greeted with a boy, probably his age, with short brown hair and a simple shirt and tie on. Clearly… not a doctor? He blinked.

“Komaeda?” Hinata tried again.

His mouth overturned as the name hit his ears again. The name that was his yet not. He shook his head, “No. I’m not Komaeda.”

Hinata’s eyes widened and the hand paused from rubbing. He felt Hinata take in the smallest of breaths and muscle shifting.

“You’re not?” Hinata slowly asked, “What should I call you then? Nagito?”

Nagito… a new name. It too hit his ears like Komaeda. The name wanted to stick to him, wanted to become one, but while the familiarity of the syllables desperately tried to embrace him, it only left a shiver.

“No… not that… just…”

He squeezed his eyes and tried to find another name. Hinata needed something. Static greeted his mind and nothing was surfacing. Biting his lip, he pushed further. There had to be something.

“Ok. Not Nagito.” Hinata agreed, “Then, do you have a name in mind?”

A name. He needed a name. The rubbing against his back hadn’t returned, though Hinata was still lightly holding him. Was he… upset? Something tinged in the back of his mind. He didn’t want Hinata mad at him that would lead to something… unpleasant…

As soon as the thought hit he recoiled. Where… did he get that? He didn’t even know Hinata. How could he predict what the outcome would be? Swallowing he dug deeper into his mind, head falling onto Hinata’s shoulder as he tried to come up with an answer. As easy as it would be to answer to the two names Hinata had said, they didn’t feel right. Deep down he didn’t doubt the names belonged to him but being called by them made his skin crawl. There had to be something…

His stump of an arm came into his view. Everything in his mind halted and he felt another gasp escape his mouth. Hinata’s breath followed and he felt Hinata swallow thickly.

“Uh… sorry…” Hinata’s voice was barely above a whisper, “Her arm was rotting we had to… remove it.”

Her arm. The phrase hit his mind like a cannon ball hitting water. A flash of something hit his brain: cold metal, cotton in his mouth, pain... He jerked away, pulling himself from Hinata’s arms. Hinata leaned a bit back, eyes wide, before reaching out to him.

“Easy, you just woke up…” Hinata’s voice came out clipped.

The memory grew stronger as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the stump. He… he did that to himself… cut his arm off. His voice stumbled over a chuckle before his words morphed into a laugh, breathless, barely filling the air.

“I… I did that to myself…” He giggled, mind swirling, “Right?”

“Yes…” Hinata carefully replied, edging closer, “Your other arm is fine though…”

He could barely hear Hinata’s words over the memory, which roared in his mind. He had returned to the site, to find her body crushed, an arm somehow intact. Had she done that on purpose? He didn’t know, all he knew was she had taken everything from him, like a vulture swooping down on a half dead body, ripping its beak into the flesh. She had taken and taken, leaving nothing but poison to fill the empty holes and a few meager scraps of flesh to still call his own…

A name, or rather, a title hit his mind. It was not like the name Hinata had uttered, Komaeda Nagito. Unlike that name, this was never his to begin with, but rather a title given to him after she had left him: full of poison and barely a body.

“S-Servant…” He muttered.

“What?” Hinata set his hands on his shoulders, rubbing.

Servant looked up and stared into Hinata’s eyes, “Servant. Call me Servant.”

Hinata’s eyes stayed wide for a moment, before he took a deep breath and nodded, “Ok. Servant. How much do you remember?”

“Remember?” Servant cocked his head, “About what? My arm?” He lifted his stump.

“Uh maybe later.” Hinata rubbed his head, “Let me give a bit. We’re on an island named Jabberwock Island. We were in a virtual Program named The Neo World Program to recover.”

“Recover?” Servant felt a bit like a parrot, “Were we sick?”

“Something like that.” Hinata quickly replied, “Anyways, you’re awake now. Let’s get you out of here and to a hospital for a check up.”

~

Hinata carried him out of the room. Servant didn’t get a proper look but managed to spot some things. The lighting in the room was sparse, either complete darkness or patches of blinding light. He managed to spot a control panel with many monitors and computers, but Hinata exited rather quickly.

Outside it was night. The sky was dark, no sign of light pollution, and Servant saw the stars clearly. How far away from a city were they? Hinata had said an island, but one quick glance told him it was rather deserted.

“How many people are here?”

“There are fifteen of us, but only six of us awake.” Hinata promptly replied.

“Where are the other nine?” Servant asked, “Are they in the room we were just in?”

“Yes. They are still asleep.” Hinata said.

Their conversation fell. Servant felt his eyes droop, so he began to look around, staring at the surroundings. They were in a theme park, one that he was glad to see in darkness. Even with the cover of dark, the colours felt bright.

Hinata crossed a massive bridge and started walking towards another. Servant shifted in his arms, biting his lip, “Aren’t you getting tired?”

They paused, Hinata blinking a bit before his eyes lit up and his mouth opened, face flushing. “Uh no?” He replied hesitantly, “It’s fine.”

Fine? “You’re strong then.”

“I’m just an ordinary person.” Hinata quickly stated.

The next island was completely different. Everything was sand and Servant swore he saw a tumbleweed roll by. Hinata confidently walked until they reached a hospital. Servant blinked. Was that really a hospital? With the sand and tumbleweed seeing a saloon felt like the answer, not a hospital. In fact, Servant almost wanted to call their setting Western. He wasn’t as familiar with foreign movies, but Westerns had sand, tumbleweeds, and saloons, right?

As soon as they walked in Servant noted the silence, no personal, not even a receptionist. The walls were clean, but the blank colour of the walls made everything feel like it was shrinking in. Hinata walked past the front desk to the back to a long hallway with rooms.

Plopping Servant on the bed of the closest room, Hinata began to wash his hands at a small sink, carefully scrubbing.

“Ok, I’m going to do a check up. Let me know if anything hurts and be as honest as you can.” He said.

“Check up?” Servant raised an eyebrow, “Are you a doctor?”

Hinata turned to him, an almost twisted smile on his face. His eyes reflected sadness for a brief second before he nodded, “I can be.”

~

The check up took a while, but Komaeda was responsive and Hajime couldn’t be happier. His body felt heavy and mind desperately tugged towards the vision of food and a bed, but he still had to clean up. Hajime rubbed his temples and felt the familiar ache in his brain. He should listen to his brain and shut down, crawl into a bed, but Komaeda had woken up and needed surveillance. Perhaps he could pull out Ultimate Security Guard as a talent? The cistern that held his talents was like an ocean, deep and dark. It was probably best if he returned to being regular Hajime for the night. Being the Ultimate Doctor was tiring, but adding the events from the past few hours, and everything felt like a mushy pile of grey.

First, Komaeda’s insistence on being called Servant. The name choice was jarring and Hajime knew he had heard that name before. Probably in one of the piles of reports and files Kirigiri had given. Reports and files Hajime couldn’t be bothered to remember now. He’d look it up in the morning… or rather later that day… was it so late it was early morning? A yawn escaped his mouth and Hajime knew now was the time to sleep. As if to reply to that, his stomach growled. Hajime looked down. He could just sleep to avoid the hunger, but he knew how well that worked out from experience. Pushing his thoughts aside he stole a glance at Komaeda.

He was sleeping soundly, chest rising evenly. It would be fine to grab some food and return. Hajime swiftly exited, leaving the door open a bit, and walked down the hall.

Unlike the hospital in the Program, the real one had more rooms instead of that disturbing… exhibition that Monokuma had put. Hajime had nightmares about it and had vowed to never read files from Kirigiri when it was late.

 Walking into the kitchen, Hajime checked the fridge, relieved when he saw some soup and rice. Putting the soup on, Hajime quickly fried the rice, grabbing whatever vegetables and meat he had stocked in the fridge.

When it was done, he brought everything to Komaeda’s room. He was still asleep. Sitting down at the small table in the corner Hajime began to eat.

He ate in the dark.

~

 

It was quarter after four when Komaeda suddenly stiffened and began to thrash in bed. Hajime’s eyes fluttered open as he immediately sprung to action, trying to ignore his sleepiness. Grabbing Komaeda’s head Hajime cradled it as Komaeda continued to wildly thrash. Thankfully the blankets helped contain some of the flailing of the limbs, but if Komaeda hit his head on the bed…

“Komaeda… I mean Servant.” He stumbled over the name, “Wake up.” Hajime tried, “Please…”

A full two minutes passed before Komaeda’s eyes suddenly opened. Hajime felt his breath knock out. Komaeda’s eyes were swirling with something, something Hajime was becoming increasingly familiar with. Despair… desperation… madness. Komaeda was panting and he craned his head up to look at Hajime.

“Kamukura…” He muttered.

“Hinata Hajime.” Hajime automatically replied.

“Hinata Hajime…” Komaeda rolled the syllables on his tongue, “The unremarkable Reserve Course student, huh?”

How did Komaeda remember that? Hajime wanted to ask, but now was not the time. Ignoring the insult, Hajime went for questioning, “How are you feeling?”

“Hinata Hajime, Hinata Hajime, Kamukura Izuru, Kamukura Izuru…” Komaeda kept talking, practically singing, “Untalented, Untalented, Talented, Talented…” He let out a high giggle.

That answered Hajime’s question. Carefully Hajime let go of Komaeda’s head and pulled Komaeda up, using the pillow to prompt him to sit.

“Can you tell me your name?” Hajime tried.

“Name? Name, name, name… what’s in a name?” Komaeda smiled, “That’s one of the most quoted Shakespeare quotes…I think… but why, are you concerned? What do you think my answer is going to be? Or rather, what answer do you want from me?”

Hajime took a deep breath, “I want you to answer truthfully.”

“Truthfully? Truthfully?”

Komaeda suddenly lunged, tangling his hands, or rather his right hand and left stump, as best as he could in Hajime’s shirt. His fingers merely slid down Hajime’s chest and his stump pressed against Hajime’s heart.

“Don’t lie you want a specific answer. What would you do if I answered differently than you wanted? Would you get mad? Would you leave? Would you do something to me?” Komaeda let out a wheezing laugh, like all his air had escaped his lungs. Komaeda leaned closer, “Well?”

Hajime could feel Komaeda’s breath across his face. It made his heart race and cheeks warm. This… was too close. Hajime immediately placed his hands on Komaeda’s shoulders and pushed. It was stronger than Hajime anticipated. Komaeda immediately fell backwards, sliding down the bed, torso on the pillow, upper half supported by the bed’s frame. A thunk filled the air as Komaeda’s head snapped back. Damnit and here Hajime was trying to not injure Komaeda’s head.

“Are you okay?”

Komaeda winced and let out a breathless wheeze, “That hurt.”

Crap. Hajime let go. Komaeda weakly smiled and waved his hand. “It’s fine.”

“Komaeda… are you sure?”

For a second Hajime saw Komaeda’s eyes flash at the name and his mouth open, like he wanted to respond to it. But that moment passed swiftly and he shook his head.

“No, it’s Servant.” Komaeda finally answered.

It was at least a response. Hajime rubbed his head. He was too sleep deprived. Now that the excitement wore off Hajime was feeling the fingers of sleep claw at his mind. But first thing, he needed to make sure Komaeda was fine.

“Let’s take you to the bathroom and then some food.” Hajime decided.

No laughing, no questions. Komaeda nodded. Good. Hajime wasn’t sure if he could deal with anymore. Routine needed to be established. Hajime just hoped that he could get some sleep and Komaeda would do nothing.

~

Hinata took him to a kitchen. Majority of the space was dedicated to an expanse of counters and kitchen appliances. An island sat in the middle of everything and to the left was a small round table that could fit five people if an attempt was made.

Plopping him at the table, Hinata walked over to the fridge and started to rummage around, “Anything in particular you want to eat?”

Servant cocked his head. Food was food, right? “I’m fine with anything.”

Hinata looked over the fridge door, eyes narrowed for a second before sighing, “You probably can’t hold anything too heavy… I’m going to make something simple.”

“That’s fine.” Servant tapped his fingers on the table, “You’re full of surprises Hinata.”

“I am?” Hinata asked as he pulled a large bowl out of the fridge and set it on the island.

“Medicine and now cooking.” Servant clarified with a twist of a smile, “I sure hope there isn’t a scary talent you’re hiding. Like that one foreign movie with the FBI agent…”

Hinata flinched and Servant paused. Did he say something wrong? However, Hinata recovered and snorted before pulling out a bowl of rice and shutting the fridge.

“Very funny.” Hinata rolled his eyes, “but I assure you there is no meat in the soup.”

Servant felt his mouth twitch into a smile. Ducking his head, he watched as Hinata began to heat up the food, bustling around. As the soup and rice warmed Hinata began to pull some eggs out of the fridge, beating them up in a bowl before adding some stuff to it.

“Do you like daikon?” Hinata asked.

Did he? Servant didn’t see anything wrong with them, “Sure?”

“Okay I like my tamagoyaki with a bit of daikon.” Hinata offered as an explanation before going to the fridge to grab the vegetable.

Hinata moved fluidly as he grated the daikon so fine it looked almost frothy. Putting it into the egg mixture, Hinata beat it up one more time before grabbing a rectangular pan. It was a simple dish, yet Servant watched as Hinata fluidly poured and rolled the layers until he had a fluffy roll, nothing burned. Taking a knife Hinata began to cut, arranging the slices on a plate before getting bowls for the soup and rice.

“There.” Hinata sat down beside him.

Everything was neatly placed in front of him. Servant smiled, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Hinata placed his hands together.

Servant followed and after they quickly said grace, began to eat. His hand was a bit shaky, but it didn’t stop him from eating. The soup was a hearty soup, more Western in make. The tamagoyaki was fluffy and Servant felt his appetite return in full force.

“Slow down a bit.” Hinata laughed, “You’ll upset your stomach.”

“Sorry.” Servant replied.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Hinata kindly said, “I just don’t want you sick.”

Didn’t want him sick… something a bit warm fluttered in his stomach. Servant returned to eating, a blush staining his cheeks. Once they were done Hinata cleared the table and washed everything before returning to him, picking him up with ease. It left Servant a bit breathless.

“So, I was thinking, perhaps a bath would be good.” Hinata carefully said, “Is that okay?”

A bath? Servant looked down. It had been a while and a soak sounded nice… but Hinata probably would have to help him. A flush filled his face as he looked at the stump of his left arm. No doubt even if he had both hands Hinata would offer to help. He was recovering.

“Sure. That sounds good.”

~

Komaeda hummed. Hajime picked him up yet again and walked out. The bath was close to the kitchen. Inside was a traditional bath, which made things both easier and harder for Hajime.

“I’m going to undress you… is that okay?” Hajime winced at the wording.

“Sure…” Komaeda sighed, barely lifting his arms to help Hajime. It was a good attempt.

 Tossing the clothes into a basket Hajime tried to not wince at how thin Komaeda was. He knew Komaeda was thin but seeing it up close was an entirely different story. It was another task to add to his list: get Komaeda to eat more. Hajime grabbed two towels, setting the other one to the side before draping the other across Komaeda’s waist. It wasn’t much, but at least it offered something. Hajime didn’t know how comfortable Komaeda was and he wasn’t taking a chance.

“I’m going to wash your hair, is that okay?” Hajime cautiously asked.

Komaeda hummed, “Yeah… too tired…”

“Okay.” Hajime grabbed the shampoo.

Gently he washed Komaeda’s hair and helped do a general cleaning. Glancing at the tub Hajime debated and decided against it. Komaeda would fall asleep. Either that or he’d be in danger of drowning.

“We’re going to get out.” Hajime announced.

Slipping out Hajime quickly dried Komaeda’s body as quickly as he could. Wrapping a towel around Komaeda’s head Hajime sat Komaeda down on the bench before rummaging around. There was not a lot in the bath, but Hajime did find a yukata and simple boxer shorts. It would have to do. Biting his lip Hajime walked over.

“I’m going to help you with these.” Hajime knelt and cautiously touched Komaeda’s leg, “Okay?”

There was no protest so Hajime quickly moved, turning his brain on autopilot. Once the boxers were on Hajime quickly wrapped the yukata around Komaeda and carried him out.

~

After the bath, which was more pleasant than Servant had anticipated, Hinata returned him to the room. He was just readjusting the blankets when the door opened loudly. Servant nearly jumped as four people walked into the space.

The first thing he noted was how cobbled together they appeared. The first girl, one with blonde hair, looked like the poster girl for a foreign country, graceful in her posture and clothes. The boy beside her with an eyepatch was wearing a suit. Together they looked like people magazines would put for promoting fashion.

However, the other two were wearing worn, wrinkled clothes. The pink haired boy had a jumpsuit with grease stains all over him. A mechanic perhaps? Finally, the other girl was dangerously thin. Servant was sure that if she took her shirt off, he’d see her ribs.

“There you are.” The boy with the eyepatch spoke, “We were worried. You didn’t come for breakfast.”

“Sorry.” Hinata rubbed his head, “I had an… eventful evening.”

“We can see that.” He raised an eyebrow, “How much does Komaeda remember?”

That name again. Servant shuffled a bit and shivered, “Not Komaeda…” He muttered.

Hinata placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, “Not much. He just woke up last night. I haven’t assessed much.”

“Fine I’ll leave that to you.” Was the reply before he squared his shoulders and took a step forward, “Why don’t we start with introduction then? I’m Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko.”

“Hello.” Servant felt the name register in his mind. Kuzuryuu… wasn’t that the name of a large Yakuza Family?

“I’m Souda Kazuichi.” The mechanic rubbed his head, “Just call me Souda.”

“I’m Owari Akane!” The dangerously thin girl cheerfully pipped up.

“And I’m Sonia Nevermind. It’s wonderful to remake your acquaintance.”

Remake your… acquaintance? Servant looked at Hinata who had a fond smile on his face. What did she mean by that? Besides being strangely formal she made it sound like they knew each other already. In the mysterious Program Hinata had mentioned? The one he had no recollection of?

“Go on.” Hinata nudged him, “Introduce yourself.”

He’d have to ask Hinata later. Clearing his throat Servant did a small bow, “Hello I’m Servant.”

Everyone’s eyes widened at the name, though Kuzuryuu recovered quicker than the others before looking at Hinata.

“Hinata.”

“I know.” Hinata quickly replied, “Let me finish here.”

“Fine. We’ll be in the kitchen.”

Servant watched as they left swiftly. Hinata sighed and turned around, rubbing his head, “I suppose the check up will be quick.”

“That’s fine.” Servant fidgeted, “I’ll just rest here.”

“If any problem happens, hit this button.” Hinata pointed to a large blue button.

“Okay.” Servant nodded.

“Good. Now let’s start that check up.”

~

By the time, Hajime entered the kitchen the others had enough time to eat and leave a small stack of dishes. Almost immediately Hajime glanced over at Owari, who was wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. A smile graced his face and he made a mental note about it. Heading over to the sink, Hajime grabbed the kettle and began to fill it before putting it on the stove.

“Sorry, I hope I wasn’t too long.” Hajime said over his shoulder as he rummaged through the cabinets, “Komaeda needed the check up though.”

“Yeah, about that.” Souda spoke, “What’s with Komaeda wanting to be called Servant?”

Hajime shrugged and pulled out some green tea and a tea pot, “He didn’t respond to his name and told me to call him that. I’m sure I read it somewhere…”

“That’s because it is in our files.” Kuzuryuu spoke firmly, “It’s in the Towa City report Togami made.”

Oh. Hajime blinked and measured out the tea, “The one with Naegi Komaru and Fukawa Touko?”

“Yes.” Kuzuryuu continued, “The two encountered Komaeda, who went by that name.”

He’d have to read those later. Hajime grabbed the tea cups before finally sitting at the table, slouching a bit in the chair, “Thanks Kuzuryuu. Sometimes there is so much to remember and do. I’m glad someone is keeping track of things.”

Kuzuryuu’s face pinkened a bit, “I’m just making sure you don’t forget things.”

“That’s why you’re second in command Baby Gangsta!” Owari cheered.

“Don’t… call… me… that…” Kuzuryuu scowled, but Hajime saw his face retain the pink.

Kuzuryuu looked like he was about to add more, but Sonia raised her hand and stood up, smoothing her skirt.

“Just to clarify, Komaeda-san wishes to be called Servant?”

“Yes.” Hajime rubbed his face, “He asked and I don’t see any harm in it.”

“Then we shall do our best to abide his wishes.” Sonia said with a determined tone.

“Thank you.” Hajime smiled, “I think listening to his preferences will help Komaeda’s recovery. So far, he’s still physically weak. He might need some physical therapy sessions. Overall I’m a little worried about when his memories do start to return.”

Everyone looked down, though Kuzuryuu recovered the fastest, looking up with a determined gaze, “How are his nightmares?”

“Uh…” Hajime took a deep breath, “He was sort of sleep talking earlier. He knew about Kamukura and the Reserve Course. However, as soon as he woke up there was no hint of any recollection.”

“Nothing big yet.” Souda mused, “Well, good luck taking care of him.”

“That’s just the thing.” Hajime sharpened his gaze.

“Yes?” Owari asked.

“I can’t be the only person Komaeda sees.” Hajime started, “I want everyone to try and talk to him, even if I’m not in the room.”

Souda shrunk a bit and Kuzuryuu’s eyes widened. Owari and Sonia just nodded, though Owari’s nod was a bit more enthusiastic. The kettle went off and Hajime stepped away from the table, turning the stove off, pouring the water into the tea pot.

“I’m not asking for hours.” Hajime continued, “But only forming a friendship with me isn’t beneficial to his recovery. Komaeda shouldn’t feel like an outsider.” He added before carrying the tea pot to the table.

“You’re right Hinata.” Sonia softly said, “Are there any restrictions to visiting?”

“Once I work out a schedule with Komaeda I’ll let you know.” Hajime replied, feeling a smile fill his face.

Sonia nodded but everyone else gave varying responses.

~

Servant woke to Hinata sitting by the bed, a rather thick stack of files scattered across a table. As he shifted Hinata glanced up and set the large section he was reading down. Bending down he reached into a small paper bag and pulled out an apple, plate, and knife.

“Good afternoon.” Hinata greeted, “How are you feeling?”

Servant rolled over and scanned the room. Hinata was the only one. “Everyone else is gone?”

Hinata paused from moving the files over, “Yeah. Everyone is a bit busy. And you’re still recovering. I don’t want too much excitement.” He picked up the apple, “Tell me do you want this peeled?”

He shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Okay.” Hinata began to cut the apple, “The best part is the skin. I think it’s a waste to peel it.”

“Thank you.” Servant sat up, arranging the blankets around his body, “This is a lot for one person to do. Don’t you have any help?”

Hinata placed the apple slices on the plate and set the knife down, “It’s fine. We should discuss what to do next.”

“Next?” Servant reached for a slice. It was perfect in size. He eyed the other slices. Did Hinata cut them perfectly?

“I suspect you’ll need some physical therapy. Also, you’re slightly malnourished.” Hinata ticked off like he was reading a list, “Plus we need to get you up to speed with everything…”

“Okay?” Up to speed? Servant finished the slice and picked another one up, “Why don’t we start there? Tell me some things? You only mentioned something about a Program and recovering.”

Hinata nodded and reached forward, picking a slice up, “The Neo World Program. It’s a virtual reality. We were put there to recover. Unfortunately, things went… wrong and now we’re here.”

“Recover from what? And wrong how?”

“There…” Hinata paused before looking him in the eyes, “People ‘died’ in the program. They’re the ones still asleep.”

His first question still hung in the air, but the information Hinata was giving him left his eyes open wide, “Died? So… I died in the Program? Why don’t I remember any of this?”

“We had to get out in an unexpected way so the memories from the Program didn’t transfer completely over.”

“But you know all of this?” Servant asked.

“There are files.” Hinata replied slowly, “I can only tell you things that are included in the files. Maybe some day we’ll remember. Maybe not. For now, it’s the best we have.”

Files? Servant’s eyes darted to the paper scattered on the other side of the table. Hinata looked down and smiled a bit, “Ah, sorry, not these ones. I’ll bring the files on the Program to you later. Physical recovery first. Let’s discuss what we’ll have to do okay?”

“Okay…” Servant muttered. He wanted to push his first question, but it wasn’t the time. Maybe… later.

~

Hajime lay a chart out on the table and looked everyone in the eyes. Kuzuryuu was at his right side, arms crossed as he looked at the paper. Everyone else was leaning against the table, staring.

“I came up with a schedule.” Hajime sighed, “Basically we’re going to do physical therapy in the mornings and then work on his memory in the afternoon. I promised Komaeda files, but I think we should take those slowly. I don’t know what will trigger and I’m not looking forward to a negative reaction.”

“What do these blue squares mean?” Souda asked, pointing.

“I got this.” Kuzuryuu sighed, “Hajime said those are free squares for us to visit. I decided that to be fair we’ll do a rotation. Hajime and I made another table.”

“Here.” Hajime set the other paper down, “I only made thirty minute intervals for now. Please… I don’t want to make this a chore.”

Sonia stared a moment before speaking, “I see that the days are pretty full Hinata. Tell me, when are your breaks?”

His? Hajime blinked, “Uh I got the evening to rest and besides Komaeda isn’t doing physio every day…”

“I don’t mean that.” Sonia huffed, “You’re working basically seven days a week. That’s not acceptable.”

“Sonia…” Hajime leaned back, “It’s fine. Everyone else has things to worry about too…”

“We should make a rotation for you to have days off.” Sonia insisted, “You don’t have physical therapy every day and we can help with the memory bits too.”

“Wait a second.” Owari sat up, “Does this mean we’re going to also help with the afternoons too?”

“Just one moment…” Kuzuryuu raised a hand.

“I decree that we’re going to fix this schedule. Now.” Sonia gave a firm nod, “Souda, some paper and a pen.”

“Right!” Souda stood up and immediately sprung out of the room.

Hajime blinked and felt words on his tongue. Sonia gave a sharp look. He said nothing.

~

The person standing in the room wasn’t Hinata. Servant blinked and tried to remember her name, but a sharp jab in his mind filled the void. It was the foreign name, right? Starting with an… “S”? A “C”? Foreigners were weird with the use of letters…

“Good morning Servant-san!” She bowed and promptly sat down, “I’m Sonia.”

Right. Sonia. It was a lovely name. That started with an “S” if he wasn’t mistaken. He nodded, head still aching a bit, “Where’s Hinata?”

“Resting.” She replied, “He’ll be back in the afternoon.” She smoothed her skirt.

“Oh… okay.”

“Do you like tea?” Sonia asked, reaching into a small canvas bag she had brought, “Hinata helped me last night. I’m sorry to admit we don’t have the tea leaves from my country, but I think we managed to make a decent milk tea…”

“So… why are you here?” Servant blurted out.

Sonia paused, a thermos half way out of the bag. She looked up, eyes wide. Servant wanted to press his fingers to his mouth. What… did he just say to her? He opened his mouth again, but something dark bubbled up, staining his lips and tongue. An ache formed in his mind and he couldn’t help but pick her a part. Her posture, her clothes, her hair. She was wealthy, probably a wealth he couldn’t comprehend. It was enough to make him feel a bit sick. Why was someone like her here? Did she think playing nurse was fun? Or did Hinata ask her to be here? He had been working hard ever since he woke up and probably wanted rest.

“I mean someone like you probably has better things to do than hang around someone like me.”

Sonia’s hand slackened on the thermos and Servant felt something stab his heart. The look she was giving him… did he hit the nail on the head? Was he correct? She was just here to be nice?

“If you’re worried about me because I’m sick, don’t. It’s fine.” Servant leaned into the bed, “You don’t have to be here out of pity.”

Another sharp jab to his mind. The room felt a bit cold and started to blur at the edges. Sonia trembled in the seat, her face downcast. Was she upset? Did he make her cry? Servant wanted to reach forward and check. He lifted his hand, to see if his vision really was blurring, but the door to the room opened. Hinata stepped in, yawning.

“Hey, don’t mind me. I’m just here to see how things are go…” He stopped and stared before walking to Sonia’s side.

“Sonia? He frowned before looking at him, “What happened?”

“It’s nothing Hinata.” Sonia weakly said, “I… maybe we were a bit too hasty…” She started to stand up.

Hinata gently placed a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. “Please stay a moment.” He looked over, “I think I can deduce what happened here.” He sighed, “Let’s have some of that tea we made, okay?”

“I…” Sonia trembled, but then firmed up. “Sure.”

Servant felt his mind throb and the room spin. He opened his mouth. “She just wants your pity. That’s why she’s about to cry. She wants to look like a victim. Typical.”

A sharp gaze filled Hinata’s face Servant felt the words die on his lips. Hinata stood up and walked over to him. Everything was spinning rapidly. Servant felt his body tingle and suddenly he wanted to raise his hand, shield himself. This was the part where Hinata would slap him, right?

“Pity isn’t always a bad thing.” Hinata gently said, sitting down, “If that’s the only thing sure, it’s a bit suffocating. Sonia is genuinely worried. Her worry is mixed with an empathy. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t harshly judge her.”

His words were kind and to the point. Servant felt his brow furrow and an apology fill his lips. Looking down he tried to sort his words out but spotted his useless left arm. He couldn’t take his eyes off it. The edges around his arm were unfocused and felt something crushingly dark push down on his heart.

“People who say they empathize or sympathize with you are just trying to make themselves look better. In the end, no one can truly know how another person feels. She just wants to make herself feel better and visit the invalid.”

He heard the thermos drop to the floor, clattering loudly. Sonia stared at him, her eyes wide, swirling with something. Hinata gasped and knelt, picking the thermos up. Servant saw a bit of liquid spill to the floor.

“Sonia are you okay?” Hinata scrambled and set the thermos back on the table, “Komaeda, apologize to Sonia.”

That name… he almost revolted at the sound.

“It’s not Komaeda.” Servant snapped. “It’s Servant.”

“Apologize.” Hinata firmly said.

Servant felt a shiver run down his spine. Hinata’s tone was sharp. He felt a smile fill his face but couldn’t fathom why. Nodding and swallowing thickly he finally felt the ache in his mind disappear and the room stopped blurring.

“I’m sorry Sonia.” He softly said. “I was rude.”

“Good.” Hinata sighed.

A small warm shiver ran down his heart. Servant had no idea why.

~

“He said WHAT?”

“Keep your voice down.” Hajime pleaded.

“Yeah, are you trying to blow my ear drums out?” Kuzuryuu growled.

“That bastard.” Souda stood up and glared, “How could he say that to Sonia?”

“Souda!” Sonia shook her head, “It’s fine. He apologized.”

Hajime watched as Souda’s eyes dimmed a bit as he stammered before falling into his chair, groaning.

“Thank you, Sonia.” Hajime breathed, “I don’t know what came over him, but he apologized and Sonia accepted it.”

“Yeah, but did he mean it…?” Souda muttered under his breath.

“Souda…” Hajime sighed, “Let’s drop it. In the meantime, maybe you shouldn’t go see Komaeda for a while.”

“Good.” Souda huffed, “I don’t want to see him. Not after he was rude to Sonia.”

“Still, what was that?” Kuzuryuu looked over at Hajime, “Have you experienced anything similar?”

Hajime blinked and immediately thought of the first night. He nodded, “The first time he woke up. I think I mentioned he knew about the Kamukura Project and the Reserve Course. He wasn’t exactly nice to me about it either. I just thought it was him sleep talking. I didn’t expect he’d be rude to Sonia. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right Hinata.” Sonia repeated, “We’ll just have to keep trying. We can’t let this set us back.”

“She’s right!” Owari finally spoke up, “I’ll be seeing him next, right? I won’t let anything he says to me get me upset. I’ll sock him one if he tries!”

“Yeah! You do that!” Souda cheered.

“No… you won’t sock my patient…” Hajime butt in. “No hitting Komaeda, okay?”

“Fine…” Souda huffed.

~

After Hinata left with Sonia, Servant fell into his bed and looked at the ceiling. What came over him? He closed his eyes and the memory of Sonia’s face and Hinata’s lowered tone filled his mind. A weak chuckle escaped his lips and he pressed his hand to his face. The words had formed, almost unwillingly, and spilled out with out reservation. Deep down a small voice reminded him how rude he was; he didn’t know Sonia, yet his words and judgement were harsh, cutting.

The sharp pain, the same one that occurred with Sonia returned, biting, and nipping at his brain. Servant felt a hot rush and the room started to blur again. Colour was melting and the edges were distorted, like ink smeared by water. Why was this happening? Did it have to do with the mysterious recovery Hinata never clarified? Besides a missing arm and the state of his body Servant had no clue what Hinata was hinting at. He had stated more about a physical recovery. That had to mean there was more to his recovery than the physical aspect.

Servant frowned and touched his forehead. Was Hinata implying that there was something… unstable about him? If so, why was Hinata quiet about it? Did Hinata think he wouldn’t take it well and thus decided to keep it a secret?

Immediately the sharp pain hit him again, like bone being shattered and stabbed into his muscle. Servant leaned back and gasped, feeling like his brain was being set ablaze. It hurt and he could feel sludge and liquid swirl as something tried to rise to the surface. Closing his eyes Servant tried to count, tried to focus on something else. But it was no use. Whatever was pushing in his mind didn’t want to stay down. A red flare danced behind his eyes and Servant swore he could smell something burning.

The pain twisted slowly in his mind and Servant felt his mind try to shut down, to escape the pain, but the pain followed him into slumber.

~

_The screen morphed. No longer was he seeing a fellow classmate being brutally tortured. Instead he saw his parents, walking, hand in hand away from him. His legs burned as he ran, breathless, air hurting as it forced through his lungs. Desperately he wanted to cry out, ask them to stop, but as soon as his mouth opened something large and blurry hit his parents. A scream escaped his lips as their mangled, mutilated bodies fell in a fleshly lump to the floor. He could smell the burnt smell of metal and wreckage. He could taste the ash. He could smell the blood._

_A gasp escaped his throat followed by tears. Why did everything important leave him? Why was he always left alone with tragedy?_

_‘It’s your gift’ a soothing voice told him, ‘Your luck takes everything away. But fret not, it’s good.’_

_Good? He sobbed and fell to the floor. That wasn’t good. He didn’t want this gift. He didn’t want this sickness this parasite feeding on him._

_‘No, you do. See, everything bad has to have something good.’ The voice continued, ‘Have you ever heard of the wheel of fortune? Things may be down now, but it will change. Good can be bad. Bad can be good. Despair can breed Hope.’_

_Hope? Was that what this was? Did that mean everything bad that occurred was because something good would happen later? That… had to be it… right? Other wise why did bad things occur? Why was there misery in the world? It had to be because something good would happen later…_

_The scene morphed back and he watched Nanami die. Tears streamed down his face. She was like Hope, but Despair took her… he felt a chuckle escape his throat. Yes, that had to be it. Despair had happened, but from Despair Hope would spring up._

_‘See, that’s it. That’s why you got to embrace Despair.’ The voice continued, ‘So you can help Hope grow.’_

_Help Hope… did that mean his cycle, his useless curse… could be put to good use?_

_He smiled and felt his mouth hurt from the smile. Yes… that was it… all he had to do… was become Despair._

~

Servant woke, blinking owlishly. The pain in his head was gone, replaced with his dream. A smile, one like the one he had dreamt about danced across his lips. Despair… that’s what he was. Hope… needed Despair and Despair, Hope. He laughed lightly and tried to sit up, but a warm hand on his forehead stopped him.

He looked up. It was Kamukura. Or rather… Hinata? He smiled again. He was always a naughty person when left unchecked and for someone who was meticulous, the Academy had many files left in the Principal’s office, even after the apocalypse.

“Kamukura!” He sang, watching as Hinata’s face hardened, “Hello.”

“It’s Hinata.”

The tone sent a shiver down his spine and a warmth blooming in his stomach. It was so firm… it felt almost familiar, like coming home to a loved one. Servant nuzzled the hand on his forehead and tried to sit up.

“Oh, I love it when you talk to me like that.” Servant huffed out, “Are you mad at me?”

Hinata withdrew his hand. Servant pouted and properly sat up, “Well, are you?”

“No.” Hinata shakily said, “Why would I be?”

Servant blinked and placed a finger on his lip, looking up, “because I called you by the wrong name?”

The gaze on Hinata’s face widened and he looked down. Servant bit his lip. It was true. Hinata was just too nice to tell him. If he wasn’t angry, he would say immediately, right? That meant he was. Something warm filled Servant and he too hung his head. He was so bad… Hinata would probably give it to him. Best confess and lessen the anger.

“It’s fine if you’re mad at me.” Servant gently said, “I’m very sorry. Does this mean you’ll punish me?”

“What?” Hinata stammered, stepping back a bit, “No? Just don’t call me Kamukura next time, okay?”

No… punishment? Not even a verbal scolding? Servant felt his heart drop a bit but lift afterwards. That meant… Hinata wasn’t mad, so he should be happy.

“Ok. Thank you Hinata.” Servant smiled, “I’ll remember for next time.”

~

Komaeda’s words echoed in Hajime’s brain, even after he finished another check up and Komaeda was fast asleep. Punishment? Komaeda’s behaviour after he woke was bizarre. The hint that he remembered him as Kamukura played in the back of his mind, but all Hajime could focus on was how Komaeda’s tone was off. He sounded like he wanted something to happen. What that something was Hajime didn’t want to dwell on it. Hajime didn’t want to jump to any irrational or illogical conclusions.

Sighing Hajime cleaned up and headed to the next room. The schedule for the next day played in his mind: the start of physio. Until then… Sleep. He needed sleep. Hopefully, if Komaeda needed anything he’d ring for him. Hajime flopped down onto the bed and fell asleep.

~

Progress was faster than Hajime anticipated. Making a note in his book Hajime shut it and looked at Komaeda, who was huffing, sweat covering his face.

“Good work.” Hajime praised and handed a water bottle.

“My legs feel like jelly.” Komaeda muttered before taking a long drink.

“It will be hard before it becomes easier.” Hajime told him, “Let’s take you back to your room. You can rest until the afternoon. Owari is going to visit you. Be nice.”

“Yes, yes.” Komaeda waved his hand, “No repeat of Sonia. I get it.”

That… wasn’t how he was going to put it, but it would have to do. Hajime nodded, “Please and thank you. I’ll be out of the hospital. Owari will be looking after you and I expect things to be civil, okay?”

“Again,” Komaeda’s tone was almost cross, “I’ll be good.”

~

He only meant to check up on everyone else. Hajime didn’t mean to walk in on Kuzuryuu, but once he did Hajime couldn’t move from his spot. The Yakuza heir sat on the edge of a Neo World pod, face unguarded, looking down at the sleeping figure. Clutched in his hand was another hand, pale from the lack of sunlight. Fingers continually stroked over the hand as his voice softly filled the air.

“…and then Souda yelled _‘You can’t stop me’_ and proceeded to cannonball into the pool, soaking everyone. I think he ruined my suit. I was so furious, but everyone’s laughter eventually got to me and I laughed too.” Kuzuryuu added with a chuckle, “Getting out of it was a pain in the ass, but I think Hajime and I managed to fix most of the damage. Souda even offered to build a dry-cleaning machine. I don’t think that’s possible with what we got on the island, but who knows?”

Silence filled the room where there should have been a fond smile. A smile reserved only for Kuzuryuu. There should have been a gentle response following the smile. A gentleness reserved only for Kuzuryuu. Kuzuryuu should have looked at ease spilling the story, instead of a smile that wavered on sadness. There should have been warm, bright eyes accompanying his smile, not eyes that threatened to leak tears. Hajime shouldn’t be here. This moment was private, exclusive. It was a moment that should only be captured by the Yakuza heir and his silent, sleeping companion.

“Y-you know.” Kuzuryuu’s voice cracked a bit, “It reminded me of Natsumi, you know, that one summer at the beach house? The one where she somehow got it into her head that everything in the ocean was out to get her… and refused to go anywhere near the water. I remember how mad she was when I threw that bucket of water at her face. It got her into the water in the end so I suppose it was a victory…” Kuzuryuu laugh was strained before he fully broke down.

“God... why her? Sometimes I can still feel her sleeping beside me when we were children. I can still remember when I couldn’t introduce myself without including her.” Kuzuryuu spoke through tears, “Do you remember when I thought all children came in pairs? God how old was I when I realized that was not true? Like seven?” Kuzuryuu gripped the pale hand tighter and his expression darkened, “I- I don’t know what to do Peko. I’ve always had her by my side. She’s always been there, always has been my better half and now all I got are half baked memories and no sister. Please Peko… you’ve always known what to say… I need…”

His voice stopped making sense. Loud crying filled the room. Hajime felt his heart twitch and he instantly stepped forward, hand stretched outwards, but immediately retracted his actions. Thickly swallowing Hajime stepped back from the door, that way if Kuzuryuu looked over he wouldn’t see him. His heart felt a stabbing pain at his actions and deep down his brain whispered, telling him he was a coward. He wasn’t even trying to be a good friend and instead ran away from comforting. Clasping a hand to his mouth Hajime leaned against the wall and slid down, unable to act. Maybe if he sat here long enough Kuzuryuu would walk out and decide for him.

“…P-Peko please tell me.” Kuzuryuu’s voice was regaining volume. Not that he needed to shout. Hajime could hear everything given how silent the room was. “Am I broken? Or is this just part of the healing? Is healing really remembering all these terrible things, but not experiencing them?”

 _No. You’re not broken._ Hajime wanted to tell him. We’re not broken. We’re healing. But he couldn’t move. Hajime felt his eyes water. Why was healing so difficult? Why couldn’t they just magically be all right, like in video games where characters could take potions or use spells? Hajime leaned forward and lay his head on he knees. He should leave before Kuzuryuu realized he eavesdropped. Instead Hajime drifted off a bit, body feeling too heavy to even move a finger. Hajime woke to Kuzuryuu sitting beside him, about to rest his head on his shoulder. Upon realizing Hajime was awake the Yakuza paused.

“I…” Kuzuryuu bit his lip.

“I didn’t mean to listen in.” Hajime softly said, “If you’re mad I understand.”

Kuzuryuu stared before sighing and giving in, leaning towards Hajime’s shoulder, “Dumbass. You weren’t doing it on purpose… or if you were, I’ll yell and beat you up later.”

Hajime let out a weak laugh and let Kuzuryuu lean against him. They sat together until their butts felt numb and their backs ached.

~

Owari was munching on an apple in Komaeda’s room when Hajime returned. Komaeda lay rumpled in the bed, his blankets tucked expertly around him. It made Hajime smile. Shutting the door softly Hajime walked over and sat down beside Owari.

“Thanks. Did anything happen?”

“No, not really.” Owari replied, “He ate a bit, didn’t really talk to me. Though he did complain a bit about the exercises you made him do.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “It’s for his health. Anyways, if you want you can leave. I can take over.”

Owari didn’t move, “You’ve been so busy Hajime. I know… you’re pushing yourself. You don’t have to for us. You can let us help you too.”

She passed him a plate of food. Hajime felt his eyes sting a bit. He weakly smiled, “Thank you Owari. I’ll keep that in mind.”

~

The days started to melt together with physio and visits. Servant looked out the window of his hospital room. His strength was slowly returning, he was sure of it. Maybe Hinata would deem him fit to leave the hospital? He could only pray that day would come sooner than later. As if in response another stab filled his mind. Servant wheezed and doubled over, feeling his pulse race. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to will the pain away. It too, like the physio, would pass… right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Servant: As a reminder, it's the name Komaeda went by in D:UDG/AE
> 
> Talents: Going by a headcanon of mine, Hajime, if he uses too many talents gets a bit lost mentally
> 
> Eating: I'm sure Komaeda has a better appetite than someone who was technically in a coma should have upon awakening, but I wanted him to eat. Basically I'm taking some liberties here and I hope it isn't too distracting.
> 
> Movie with an FBI agent: (I mentioned in my KHR fic's notes) I am a fan of NBC Hannibal and felt like making a reference to the movie.
> 
> Tamagoyaki: a layered fried egg roll with salt, sugar, and soy sauce added. Usually cooked in a rectangular pan, people can add many other things like green onions, meat etc. It's made by cooking thin layers of the egg mixture, rolling them as you cook. It's not too difficult to cook once you try a few times.
> 
> Daikon: Japanese radish. Commonly added grated into tamagoyaki.
> 
> Apples: In Japan they peel their fruit usually when they cut it. Everyone here thinks I'm so strange when I eat the peel if they are peeling apples. Apples are also the common thing shown in Japan to peel and eat when someone is sick.
> 
> Dream: I got a headcanon to what happened in Despair Arc with the video the 77th class saw. Like the victims in Future Arc, I think they didn't just see Nanami die, but rather their deepest fears or the worse moment mixed with her death. I hope I showed that properly with Komaeda.
> 
> Wheel of Fortune: an old concept (I think originating from the Middle Ages) that believed the world functioned on a cycle. One moment something or someone could be at the top, the next at the bottom. The belief was no one but the Goddess of Fortune could control it.
> 
> Natsumi and Fuyuhiko: I headcanon they are twins. As a twin myself I cannot imagine losing my twin, so I may have projected a bit in this scene...
> 
> Physio: I had a roommate once who was studying to be a physio therapist. That being said, I know minimal about actual physio, so forgive me if I get anything wrong or keep the scenes vague. I'm honestly not dwelling too long on the recovery so hopefully I don't need to worry too much...


	2. Beginning Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> First, I'd like to apologize that this chapter is a bit shorter than the first one. Normally, I like to keep the chapters within the same word count, but this time... I wrote the scenes and felt this was a good place to end the chapter. 
> 
> Things are slowly picking up. I don't want to dwell too much longer on Komaeda stuck at the hospital and I hope in the next chapter to get him out and get to his little... request. Sorry Hajime, this is the calm before the storm time XD.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has given this story a chance. It means a lot to me. Thank you for the kudos and the comments. I may not say it (in fear of sounding too gushy), but I do frequently re-read them and smile. They really do make my day.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> NOTE: Did a minor edit.

Morning arrived with Hinata and Kuzuryuu walking into the room. Servant watched under his eyelids as Hinata stifled a yawn behind his hand. As he turned his head, Servant caught Hinata’s face in the morning light and stared. Around one of his eyes was a thin circle, like a contact. Servant hadn’t caught that until now. Why would Hinata have a contact on only one eye? He opened his mouth to ask, but Kuzuryuu marched up to the bed and promptly sat down, back straight, legs firmly planted on the ground. Up close Servant could see a slight dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose and a green hue to his one visible eye. The eyepatch was intricate and Servant wanted to reach forward and touch it so he could feel the stitching of the silver dragon.

“Good morning Hinata, Kuzuryuu.” Servant pleasantly called out.

“Good morning.” Hinata replied, “Don’t mind me. Fuyuhiko is the one here to see you.”

Oh. Servant felt his mouth turn downward. He leaned into his bed and directed his gaze at Hinata, “but I behaved last time with Owari. Do I need a supervisor?”

Kuzuryuu turned and gave Hinata a look, eyebrows raised and a tilted head gesture. Hinata exhaled, turning away, cheeks flushed.

“Fuyuhiko… you know it’s not that. I’m here to do some checking up…”

“You can do that later.” Kuzuryuu cut in, “I thought we talked about this. You were the one who said…”

“Okay, okay,” Hinata quickly said, raising his arms, “I’ll… go.”

“Yeah you look like shit.” Kuzuryuu bluntly said, “Go have a shower or something. I promise everything and everyone will be intact while you’re gone.”

What did Hinata say? Servant titled his head and watched as Hinata slowly turned around and walked out the door, shutting it with a click. With Hinata gone the atmosphere in the room lagged, Kuzuryuu turning to him, biting his lip. Silence slowly seeped into the room. Servant felt the fingers drag across his arms and he hated the itchy feeling.

“Well what now?” He decided to ask, “You have me alone. I admit you’re not the first person I’d pick to be alone with…”

Kuzuryuu’s eye widened, “It isn’t like that.”

Servant laughed, “Good. Because if we’re honest my preferences aren’t leaning towards you. Not that yours would either I suppose. You always were making faces at Pekoyama.”

“I… what?” Kuzuryuu was caught between a scalding blush and a glare. “Never mind that…” He reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a deck of cards, “Want to play a round of something?”

Servant blinked, “Okay? But why? I’m pretty lucky you know.”

“Yeah I’m aware.” Kuzuryuu rolled his eyes before he began to shuffle, “Do you know how to play poker?”

Servant tried to think. He remembered some rules vaguely. It didn’t matter in the end though; what he didn’t remember would be made up with his luck. Poker was fine, though…

“We don’t have anything to wager.” Servant pointed, “That isn’t fun if there isn’t anything to offer.”

“I can convince Hajime to shorten your physio time by a little bit?” Kuzuryuu offered.

His legs tingled at the idea. Servant looked down. Hinata was relentless with the treatment… but being stuck in the hospital was linked to his physio…

“Tempting, but I do want to get out of here eventually.” Servant said before it hit him. Answers. Answers were what he needed. If he made answers their wager he could ask about Hinata’s eye and other things.

Swallowing Servant tested his wager. “How about… you answer my questions should I win?”

“Fine.” Kuzuryuu began to shuffle the cards, easily agreeing to Servant’s terms. “And if I win…” He paused for a moment, “You’ll try to not aggravate Kazuichi when he finally makes his round over here.”

Kazuichi? Servant’s brow furrowed as he tried to remember… that was the pink haired one? “Uh okay?”

“I mean it.” Kuzuryuu said, “He was quite upset he heard you were rude to Sonia.”

“Okay?” Servant shrugged. He wasn’t going to argue to hopefully an easy term. “I accept.”

~

Hajime entered the hospital’s bath and headed over to the counter, setting a clean pile of clothes down. Looking up he scowled as he touched the end of his hair. It was longer than he would like it. Later, he’d have to cut it. Scowling Hajime tried to not look at the dark circles under his eyes. Yawning he rubbed his eyes, stopping when he felt a stab of pain in the one. Hajime stared back. He should take the contact out… but…

A small voice in the back of his mind told him he was being ridiculous. A red eye meant nothing. There was no reason to hide it. Hajime pressed his hand against the mirror and stared. All he had to do was take the contact out…

A crash echoed in the room. Hajime felt his arm tremble as he pulled it out from the broken glass. Some shards stuck in his skin, but he’d get those out later. His cracked reflection stared back, almost mockingly.

~

“Shit, how did you win again?”

“Luck?”

Their voices floated out of the room. Hajime paused, peaking into the room. Komaeda was sitting up, facing Kuzuryuu. A hand of cards was scattered on the small table, Kuzuryuu rubbing his head, leaning into the chair.

“Okay, fine, ask your question.”

Komaeda reached forward to pick the cards up, looking down, “I was wondering why is Hinata wear a contact on only one eye?”

Hajime froze, swallowing thickly. Komaeda noticed? He wanted to rush in, to break their conversation, but instead he watched as Kuzuryuu thickly swallowed and looked Komaeda in the eyes.

“Truthfully, I want to tell you to ask him yourself, but we had a deal.” He sucked in a deep breath, “He’s hiding the colour of that eye.”

Komaeda blinked, “Why?”

Kuzuryuu snorted, “You only get one question.” He stood up and stretched, “Keep the cards, maybe you can convince Hajime to play with you. I’d like to see that.” He smiled, “and speaking of Hajime, I’m going to check and see if he’s done. Thank you, Servant.”

Komaeda huffed, but picked the rest of the cards up, “Fine. And thank you Kuzuryuu. This was… fun.”

Hajime stepped back, heart pounding. Kuzuryuu had given some information… but not everything. Glancing around Hajime wondered if maybe he should hide, or look like he was just arriving, not standing around listening. It was too late though, Kuzuryuu walked out and stared. A moment past and Kuzuryuu brushed past him silently. Hajime exhaled slowly and turned around, watching until Kuzuryuu was out of sight. Gathering his courage, Hajime counted slowly to twenty before walking back into the room.

“Hey, sorry for taking so long.” Hajime walked over to the sink, “Fuyuhiko said he had fun.”

“Yeah… we did.” Komaeda muttered.

Hajime started to wash his hands. Maybe if he kept things busy Komaeda wouldn’t ask him about his eye. “Let’s start your check up. Then, physio. You’re progressing well. I think you’ll be able to leave here soon. Also…” Hajime turned around, “We’ll have to talk with Kazuichi about your arm.”

“My arm?” Komaeda lifted his left arm.

“Yes. Kazuichi is a mechanic. We’ll go over some design stuff later and then we can start making…”

“We? You’ll help too?” Komaeda asked, “Cooking, medicine, and now mechanics? You’re really a surprise Hinata.”

“Right.” Hajime firmly shut that down, “Now, let’s start.”

~

Souda scowled at him and Hajime felt a headache form. The day was long, he was tired, and there was still so much to do: meal prepping, washing the hospital’s bedding, restocking supplies…

“Do I have to?” Souda finally asked huffing, “I’m still a bit mad at him.”

“Look.” Hajime started, “I don’t care. He can’t go around with one hand all the time. I want you to talk with Komaeda too. Everyone else has. Please Kazuichi.”

Souda grumbled a bit, but Hajime saw a bit of pink on his cheeks as he twirled a wrench in his hands, “Fine but if he’s rude to me, I’m leaving.”

Hajime sighed. It was a start. “He’ll behave.”

~

_“Oh, wow, this is Towa City huh?”_

_Servant nodded and crossed his arms. Souda twirled around, inhaling the air, a wild grin on his face. In the light, his teeth gleamed, shark like. Dancing around a bit he stooped down and looked at one of the waddling Monokuma units. Giving a bit of a poke with one of his wrenches, Souda hummed._

_“Solid make. Good design. You can hardly see the bolts…” He leaned over, peering, “But utterly useless in the thinking department.” He stood up and kicked it on the side._

_Servant watched as the unit toppled over, flailing with arms waving in the air. Souda laughed loudly and nudged it with his foot, making the unit roll a bit, before stepping away._

_With swirling eyes Souda watched as the Monokuma tried to get up but failed each time. With each passing try his eyes swirled more before Souda reached for a rather large bit of concrete and hurled it at the unit. A sickening crunch of metal seeped from underneath. Souda laughed._

_“Towa City had it’s use… but everything here pales in comparison to my creation.” He laughed, “But in the end my creation, my work of art, is rotting away in the basement of a school.”_

_Souda paused before his laughter turned into wheezing, “That’s just fucking brilliant, right?” He turned to Servant. “All that hard work is now just as useless as this piece of junk.” He kicked the machine again._

_Servant rolled his eyes, “Yes, that’s genius.”_

_“Too true.” Souda composed his laughter, “Anyways, think you can take me to the factory?”_

_The factory? Servant shrugged, “Sure. Do you want to see Monaca too?”_

_“No thank you.” Souda’s face wrinkled, “Though if you could let me see those Monokuma helmets too…”_

_“Very well, follow me.” Servant said, turning around._

~

Towa City? Servant opened his eyes as his dream played in his mind. Yes, that was where he was last at… with the Warriors of Hope. He smiled as he remembered Monaca. That play, the act… Towa City was fun, but in the end, all his work amounted to nothing. Oh well, not like he could go back and change that.

Glancing at the clock on the side he read the time and winced. It was still early. Closing his eyes, he rolled over and let sleep take him once again.

He didn’t dream.

~

Servant was picking at the blanket when the door opened. Turning his head, he spotted Hinata, as usual, but behind him was Souda. Servant dropped the blanket and watched as Souda shot Hinata a glance before rubbing his head. As he moved Servant spotted thick black lines down his arms. Tattoos? Dropping his arm before Servant got a decent look. Sauntering over Souda dug into his pockets and produced tape measure and a notepad. Plucking a pencil from his jumpsuit pocket he put it behind his ear.

A chuckle formed, but Servant held it. What were the odds of him having a dream about Souda and then seeing him the next day? Only someone with his luck. Servant glanced over at Hinata, who was hovering behind Souda, arms crossed. Maybe he’d get lucky and Hinata wouldn’t make him do a ton in physio.

“Well? Show me your arm.” Souda sighed.

Lifting his left arm as asked Servant waited as Souda began to measure. Silence densely thickened the air except for Souda’s pencil when he wrote a number down. Frowning Servant cleared his throat.

“Your bedside manner is atrocious.” He said.

Souda glared from his notepad, “I’m not a doctor.”

“But I’m your patient for this mechanical arm.” Servant pointed out, “Maybe we can have a discussion. What will work or not?”

“Fine.” Souda rolled his eyes, “I’m measuring for your arm. We need to make sure that you’ll be able to wear it for a long period and not experience any pain or discomfort. We’ll also have to check and see if you’re allergic to any metal. Rare, but I don’t want to be half way through a project and need to scrap it. Happy?” He added sourly.

Servant blinked. He almost wondered what he did to deserve this, but the conversation with Kuzuryuu floated to his brain. Souda was mad because he was rude to Sonia. Why he was mad still was up for debate, but if Servant had to guess it was due to feelings. Whatever those feelings were, it was clouding Souda and making him moody, unlike his dream.

“You know,” Servant started, “You were a lot more cheerful in my dream. That was when you were in Towa City? Maybe that was a better time for you?”

The tape measure dropped and Souda’s eyes were wide before narrowing down. His lips pulled back and Servant saw sharp teeth. Growling Souda stood up and raised his hand. Servant didn’t have time to shut his eyes. He saw the hand descend, but suddenly was caught.

“Kazuichi…” Hinata’s voice was low, “Drop your hand.”

“Hajime…” Souda growled. His eyes were swirling and Servant was sure he saw flecks of red, “Let me go.”

“Not until you promise to not hit Servant.” Hinata countered, his fingers tightening.

A beat passed and Souda turned his gaze to him. Servant blinked and stared at the eyes, seething and dark, before their gazes broke and Souda nodded his head.

“Fine. I won’t hit him.”

Hinata let go. Souda immediately turned around and stalked out. Hinata let out a long, deep sigh, and rubbed his head. Turning to him Hinata shot a look and groaned.

“Did you have to say that?”

That tone. It cut through him, lacing the wound with disappointment, thick and heavy like icicles. Servant shivered and looked down, a heat burning slowly on his cheeks.

“I just called it as I saw it…” Servant muttered. At once his words felt as thin as rice paper.

“Right. I’m going after him. Just… don’t do anything.”

Servant wanted to remind Hinata that walking was a challenge already and he had no plans of moving. He said nothing and watched Hinata dash out of the room.

~

“Kazuichi wait.” Hajime sprinted down the hall.

“Why?” Souda hissed, “Are you going to make me go in there an apologize?”

“No.” Hajime groaned. His head was starting to hurt, “You wouldn’t mean it so why bother?”

“If that’s the case let me go.” Souda said.

“I’m not holding you.” Hajime countered, waving his hands, “Go. Work off your anger. Go destroy one of the tanks on the Fifth Island. Just promise me you’ll be safe about it.”

“Yes mother.” Souda sarcastically bit, “You know you’re sometimes so overbearing. You and Fuyuhiko. It’s like you want to give us freedom but want to make sure we don’t toe the frickin’ line and get violent towards others.”

The words hit Hajime in the heart. It was true. Here he was telling Souda to be safe in expressing his anger but equated that with destroying a tank. How was that safely expressing his emotions? Hajime wanted to rub his head, but he didn’t want Souda to see. Instead he closed his eyes and felt his posture change. Shoulders loosened and a small smile tried to spread across his face. Opening his eyes Hajime located the words he needed.

“Look, I know I can come off as overbearing. I just want you to recover Kazuichi. I know it will take some time for us to express in a calmer manner… that’s why I want you to be safe when you take your anger out in a way that works for now…”

“Oh god.” Souda threw his arms up, rolling his eyes, “Quit that. It’s like you’ve become a different person. What talent is this? Ultimate Mothering? Drop that shit Hajime. I’m out. You can come find me later. I promise the only thing I’ll hurt is a tank.”

Souda exited the hospital. Hajime slumped forward and rubbed his head. That… was a bad idea… it backfired and he now had a splitting headache. Now all he could do was see Komaeda. He’d have to find Souda later.

~

Opening the door Hajime walked in, spotting Komaeda playing a bit with the measuring tape. Strolling in Hajime sat down and ignored the pounding in his head. Looking at Komaeda, Hajime gently reached forward and grabbed the measuring tape.

“Sorry...” Hajime muttered, “Just… I didn’t want this explosion to happen.”

Servant turned his head up to look at him. His eyes were wide and he was biting his lip. “You’re… not angry with me?”

“No?” Hajime offered, “I am upset by how this turned out but…”

“So, you won’t punish me?” Servant cut him off, cocking his head.

Hajime shut his mouth audibly. There it was again. Punishment. Why was Komaeda so fixated on it? “Why would I do that?” Hajime asked.

“I did something wrong.” Komaeda calmly replied, “Doesn’t that warrant something?”

Something? “Not punishment, whatever you think that entails.” Hajime sighed, “But you know, it was sort of Kazuichi’s fault too. He was rude as well. Don’t try to put it all on you. Anyways….” Hajime shuffled, “I’m going to give you a file. Or rather, we can go through a file together.”

“A file?” Komaeda’s eyes widened, “On what?”

“The Neo World Program.” Hajime replied, “I think that’s a good place to start. We’ll start with Trial One.”

“Trial One?” Komaeda asked.

Hajime nodded, “Let’s finish some check up and physio and then we can go over it okay?”

“Okay.”

~

Servant’s legs were aching and he almost fell to the floor. Taking a painful step back he grabbed onto the rails and forced oxygen through his lungs, sweat forming on the back of his neck. Hinata finished writing a note and stood up, offering him water.

“Thank you.” Servant took the bottle and gulped half of the contents down, “Are we done for today?”

“Almost.” Hinata smiled, “I was thinking, want to try walking back to your room?”

He was kidding. Servant glared. “I’m exhausted.”

“Really?” Hinata raised an eyebrow, “I’ll help you along the way.”

“Can’t you just carry me?” Servant asked. “Or get me a wheel chair?”

“I can get you a cane?” Hinata offered, “Come on, I don’t have a cane now, but I’ll be your support.”

There was no stopping Hinata, was there? Servant sighed, “Fine. I’ll try but if I ask you to carry me you will.”

“Yes, yes.” Hinata smiled and walked over, “Come on.”

His arm looped around his waist. Servant could smell something almost cinnamon-like from Hinata. He was also warm. It radiated off him. Snuggling a bit closer Servant shoved the thoughts away and began to walk, allowing Hinata to gently guide him back. His legs ached and Servant almost gave up half way, but there was a smile on Hinata’s face as they walked through the hall that he pushed, nearly collapsing when they reached the door to his room.

“Good job.” Hinata praised, “I’ll take it from here.”

The praise hit Servant’s mind and he felt a spike of something warm fill his system. He felt a smile fill his face as Hinata picked him up and walked the short distance from the door to the bed.

“I’ll grab the files.” Hinata said after he tucked the blankets around his waist, “and lunch.”

Nodding Servant leaned back into the bed, the warmth exploding through his body as he remembered the praise from Hinata. The words rolled in his mind despite it only being two words.

He didn’t notice Hinata returning until he felt a tap. Sitting at the edge of the bed Hinata set a plate of onigiri between them and a bowl of miso soup. On his lap was a file folder.

“Eat and I’ll talk the file through.” Hinata said as he passed the bowl of soup over.

“Ok.” Servant accepted it carefully and brought it to his lips, drinking.

Hinata sipped a bit of his soup before opening a file folder, “Stop me if you have any questions.” Clearing his throat Hinata started, “So it starts with everyone waking up in a classroom…”

~

Servant set the empty bowl down. He couldn’t take his eyes off Hinata. Every word that fell from his mouth was captivating. Edging a bit closer, Servant listened as Hinata spun a tragic tale: a body under the table, an investigation. The party had morphed into a locked room murder, the kind mystery novels loved. Except… Servant felt his stomach twist and heart pound. Something tickled at the back of his mind, but every time he thought he grabbed it, the tickling vanished.

Hinata continued, his description getting bleaker as they were descending into a trial room. Servant swallowed, his heart pounding. He could feel the wood of the podium as Hinata continued his description. The pounding started to ache as Hinata continued the story.

When he got to the part, the part that stated he was involved in the murder, Servant felt the tickling cease and a calm fill his mind. He… planned a murder? Was going to murder except… he was accidently stopped? The idea that he even thought of committing a crime like murder should have made his blood freeze.

Instead, he felt a small smile fill his face, only briefly, before vanishing. Hinata continued the story. The onigiri went uneaten.

~

Flopping down into the hospital bed, Hajime felt sleep poke at his brain. The smell of antiseptic and medicine filtered into the bedding. He couldn’t wait until he was back in his cottage. How long had it been since he was there? The answer immediately popped in his head, down to the last second and Hajime groaned and told his mind to shut it.

Rolling over Hajime looked at the door. Beside him was Komaeda, asleep. The afternoon floated into his brain. Komaeda was oddly quiet and Hajime hoped that wasn’t a bad sign. There was simply no way of knowing. Closing his eyes Hajime fell asleep.

~

_Decay, burning… typical… boring…_

_He wandered the street, dodging the rubble as he walked through. A few corpses lay, directly on the broken concrete. The smell was stifling, but he kept on going. As he walked further the street became crowded with pieces of destroyed buildings and electric poles toppled over. He kept on going and the buildings became densely packed, some broken against one another._

_They tried to rush him at once, baseball bats in hand. One even had a knife. He blinked and they were all on the ground, writhing in pain. It would be easy to end them, but why should he bother? That was boring._

_Sighing he continued, leaving them behind. Further, past the bridge, to the dock, he’d be able to catch a boat to Towa City._

_Hopefully something exciting would be happening there._

~

A pair of grey-blue eyes peered at him. Hajime blinked as his mind slammed into gear. Who was that? A threat? He bolted up and reached out. A soft gasp filled the room and hit his ears as Komaeda tried to step back. Hajime thickly swallowed and let go, his hand falling limp to his side. Closing his eyes, he felt his heart race. Crap. That would have gone… sour. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and gave a small smile.

“Ko- Servant.” He caught himself, “Sorry. What’s wrong?”

Komaeda stepped back and raised his hand, “I’m sorry… it’s just… it’s later than usual and I was worried…”

Later? Hajime turned and looked at the clock. It was already mid morning, way later than he usually was up. Blushing Hajime rubbed his head.

“I’m sorry… I slept in…” The sentence felt wrong coming from his mouth, “But you’re okay, right?” Hajime redirected his attention, “And… you walked over here?” He smiled, “That’s great.”

It was Komaeda’s turn to blush, “I… You aren’t very far from me.”

“Small steps matter too.” Hajime immediately replied, stretching, “I’m sorry again. Are you hungry? I can make something.”

“If… you want…”

“Let’s go then.” Hajime stood up, offering his hand, “I’ll help you to the kitchen?”

Komaeda reached forward and took his hand.

~

Sonia walked into the kitchen just as Hinata was finishing cooking. Gracefully she waved before walking over and sitting down.

“Hello Hinata, Servant-san.” She greeted.

“Sonia.” Hinata turned around, “I made enough, would you like some?”

“Yes, please.” She nodded before looking at him, “Hello Servant-san. How are you?”

“Just… Servant is fine.” He muttered, glancing quickly at Hinata. Hinata remained, back turned at the stove, “and I’m fine. How are you?”

Sonia’s mouth stretched a bit into a smile, “I’m… fine. I hear you’re recovering rather quickly. You’ll be out of here in no time and in your own cottage. Tell me, is there anything you want in there? We should probably start cleaning it.”

“Cleaning?” Servant blinked, “My own… cottage?”

“It’s more like a cabin, but the style is like a beach cottage.” Sonia elaborated, “Right now your cottage is sparse. Are there any items you want?”

Items? For himself? Servant’s brow furrowed. What could he possibly want besides a bed and a place to stay? However, Sonia’s eyes were bright. Telling her nothing would probably make her… disappointed. He glanced at Hinata. What should he say? Hinata was dividing things up on the counter, not looking up. Glancing back at Sonia, Servant winced as she started intently, eyes sparkling. Swallowing his mind scrambled. It had to be something personal, but not basic like socks… but not too personal…

“Books.” He settled on that, “Books are great… um… anything really. I don’t mind.”

“Really?” Sonia gasped, tone light and warm, “I was reading this interesting book recently, oh but you might not like it…” She blushed.

Did he… want to know? Servant was saved by Hinata walking up, plates balanced neatly in his hands. The meal smelt good and was arranged in ways only five star restaurants did. Just… what was Hinata? Servant stared. Sonia, however, barely bat an eye as she accepted the dish.

“Thank you Hinata!” She smiled, “It looks delicious.”

“Thanks Sonia.” Hinata set the other plates down, “I’m going to get drinks, anything you want?”

“Water please.” Servant requested.

“Apple juice, if we still have that here.” Sonia gently said.

“I think we do.” Hinata replied, “You can start eating. Don’t worry about me.”

~

Sonia’s presence was a surprise, but welcome. Hajime slowly chewed and let Sonia talk to Komaeda. It was rather cute: Sonia’s enthusiasm and Komaeda’s hesitant responses. The meal ended a bit too quickly and Hajime slowly began to gather the dishes, opening the dish washer. He started to load it, but Sonia’s voice rang out.

“No, Hinata, let me.”

He stopped and turned, trying to not stare. Sonia’s cheeks were a bit pink, but she maintained her gaze.

 “I insist!” Sonia continued, “You cooked for me. Please, let me do the dishes.”

Hajime immediately assessed the situation. He could tell her it was fine he could do it, but that could accidently give the wrong impression, that despite the simple task, he didn’t think she could do it. Plus, it was turning down her sincere offer.

“Okay Sonia.” Hajime felt his heart warm as she beamed, “Thank you. I’ll…” He looked over at Komaeda.

“No, no… company is good.” Sonia quickly said, “Why don’t you take a break Hinata?” She gave a small head jab towards Komaeda.

Ah. Hajime nodded. “Very well. I’ll… go do something…”

He shuffled out of the kitchen, shutting the door. Turning around he looked. Nothing needed to be done at the hospital and Sonia didn’t need supervision with Komaeda. He had been good recently and Sonia had forgiven him. Hajime cringed. Maybe… it was time to check up on Souda.

~

He found Souda in Electric Ave, muttering under his breath, tossing a dented part to the side. His hair was wild and grease stained his clothes and arms. Walking up, Hajime peaked over Souda’s shoulder. He barely had the time to see what Souda was making when a wrench flew towards his face. Hajime did a back handspring and landed with a sigh.

“Go away.” Souda muttered.

“No.” Hajime dusted his hands off, “Let’s talk.”

“You’re just going to scold me.” Souda retorted.

“No, I’m not.” Hajime walked over and sat down beside Souda, “I just came to see what you’re up to.”

“You’ve seen.” Souda replied, “Now go.”

“This metal is fine, but we should test some other ones too. That way we can make Komaeda’s arm light, but not so light it crumples under pressure.” Hajime noted, “Also I still need to test and see if Komaeda is allergic to any metals. I’ll get that done and turn the results to you should there be one.”

Souda grumbled a bit but finally looked at Hajime. His eyes were darkly rimmed and looked like they would shut at any moment. His hands were covered with so much grease they gleamed an oily colour. His clothes didn’t look any better. Hajime leaned forward and hugged Souda, pulling him closer. The smell of machines and body odor hit his nose, but Hajime didn’t care.

“I’m sorry Komaeda said that.” Hajime muttered.

“You can’t control what he says.” Souda replied, pulling Hajime closer, “I just… I see myself in Despair in my dreams all the time. I once cheerfully explained what a machine does before using it as a torture device on a mother… a mother…” Souda’s voice cracked, “Her child’s screams echo in my ears Hajime…”

“It’s fine to mourn that.” Hajime felt a sting in his heart, “Just don’t chase the dream, okay?”

“Right.” Souda pulled away, trying to wipe his face with his grease stained hand. He just left a dark trail, “I just… I don’t want anyone using our pasts to hurt us. Sonia-san tries to not let it bother her… but she really was upset after she saw Komaeda.”

Hajime felt another sting in his heart. How did he miss that? He… wasn’t there to comfort Sonia and it made everything ache a bit. He shook his head; Owari was right, he couldn’t fix everything by himself.

“Thanks, Kazuichi.” Hajime breathed, “I’ve… been so neglectful in checking up on everyone else…”

“Oh, stop that… mom…” Souda added with a laugh, “Komaeda is the first person to wake up. You want to be careful. We get it. Though you could try to come to dinner at least once.”

“Ok…” Hajime muttered, “Maybe I’ll take Komaeda… I think being inside the hospital for too long might not be a good idea.”

“…Yeah… fine you can bring him too.” Souda sighed, “and I got a couple prototypes made for the arm.”

Already? “Thank you Kazuichi.” Hajime said, “You look like you can use some rest. I can look at those later.”

“Is that your way of telling me I stink?” Souda asked laughing, “You hugged me. You could use a shower too.”

Hajime looked down. His shirt and tie were stained black. “Ah… yes… I guess we both need a shower.”

~

Watching Sonia wash the dishes was… interesting.

Servant had tried to stand up and walk over to help, but she shot that down. Instead he was forced to remain at the table as Sonia… bumbled around. Sure she was doing it… right… but the way she moved it was… jilted…

“Are you sure you don’t want my help?” Servant asked.

“Yes, I’m quite all right.” Sonia replied.

She turned back to the pan, scrubbing with her elbow… strangely high. Servant bit his lip and leaned into the chair, tearing his eyes away. Despite being in the kitchen before, he hadn’t quite seen it all. The space was a bit dark, with blue walls and a smooth, tiled floor. The brightness was made up in the counters and cabinets, the counters white and the cabinets a warm brown. Light poured in from the window above the sink, but there were also lights, though most were off due to the sun streaming in. The place was also clean, with dried herbs on a rack and fresh ones growing by the window. How did Hinata do that? Servant was sure Hinata was the one who maintained the place.

“Hinata sure is busy…” He muttered.

“Yes, he is.” Sonia added, “He’s always working so hard… making sure I eat properly… talking with me… it has been a rough few months, but… I’ve managed.”

Few months? Servant wasn’t sure if she meant that or was just guessing. Without a calendar and their location, Servant wasn’t even sure on a season let alone a date.

“Anyways, thank you for staying here with me.” Sonia turned around, “I thought after our first meeting you wouldn’t want to… see me again…”

Right. Servant looked down, “I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean that. The words just…”

“Slipped out?” Sonia asked, “It’s… fine… Kuzuryuu was like that too… but it’s better now.” She smiled, “Thanks to Hinata.”

Hinata again. Did Hinata try to help everyone? How did he manage that? It was impossible. Hinata had to feel worn down. What about his health? Servant furrowed his brow. But more importantly… what happened to them that caused a need for so much… help?

“Ah…” Sonia rinsed the last dish off and walked over, “I worry about Hinata too. He sometimes forgets his health…”

Servant looked up, the last question burning in his mind. Hinata had said nothing about why they were in the Program, despite giving a file about the Program. Very little was known, the most important piece being why they were in the Program in the first place.

“Sonia.” Servant started slowly, “Can you tell me why we were in the Program in the first place?”

Sonia’s eyes widened and her face paled as her hands trembled a bit. Biting her lip, she sat down and smoothed her skirt, “I… I think that’s something Hinata should tell you.”

Hinata? “He avoided it when I asked him earlier.” Servant frowned.

“I’m sorry.” Sonia quickly said, “I don’t think I can tell you. Please… trust Hinata. He’s only worried for your health. He’ll tell you soon. I know he will.”

Servant wanted to argue, but Sonia’s tone was firm and… confident. He slouched. Maybe… she was right.

~

_He arrived before looters had come. That was great. Not that he was looking for anything. Servant gingerly walked up the stairs, down the hallway, up another flight of stairs. He wasn’t sure how bad the fumes in the school were, or if there even was something dangerous to breathe, but just in case he wore a gas mask._

_The halls felt familiar despite it being his first time. Maybe it was because of the broadcast. He hadn’t watched it excessively, but he did manage to catch a few moments. If memory served him correctly the Principal’s office was… here._

_He touched the door. It opened. Smiling he walked in, looking around. Files were everywhere, from when the 78 th class had rummaged through. Glancing around he scanned the book names. So far, everything was uninteresting, not needed. Picking a few up he skimmed them before tossing them to the side. He went through a few more and glanced at the door. Maybe he should have gone to the Principal’s private quarters? He was about to leave when he nearly tripped over a book. Kneeling he picked it up and opened it, eyes widening. Just his luck. The file was here… in a thin black book. It certainly wasn’t the entire file, but it was enough. Opening it he scanned the first words, grinning._

_The Kamukura Project starkly stared back at him._

~

“Servant?” Hinata’s voice floated into his mind.

His eyes blinked and Servant jolted, immediately feeling an ache in his shoulders and back. Wincing he sat up and blinked several times before his vision cleared. He was in the kitchen. Sonia was still sitting at the table, a tea pot already in her hands as she poured a cup and passed it to him.

“Hinata… Sonia?” Servant accepted the tea, “Thank you. How long?”

“About thirty minutes.” Sonia answered.

“I’m sorry.” Servant automatically said.

“It’s fine.” Sonia stood up, “I best be off. Take care Servant. I’ll see you later.”

He nodded and turned his attention to the tea. His dream it felt real. It… was it a memory? That sort of made sense… though why he was searching through a Principal’s office was a mystery. And the file… The Kamukura Project? At once the ache, the mind splitting one, filled his head. Gasping Servant leaned forward, pressing his head against the table, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Servant?” Hinata was beside him, rubbing circles into his back, “Are you all right?”

“I…” He stammered, “I dreamed something… a memory?”

“Okay?’ Hinata continued to rub his back.

“I was in a Principal’s office.” Servant informed him, slowly trying to push himself up, “Hinata, tell me, what is the Kamukura Project?”

Hinata’s hand stopped, for a second, and Servant watched as his eyes widened. Something slipped in Hinata’s eyes, something that darted to the side, only the end caught. It slithered through the room and curled in the shadows, leaving an icy trail behind. Servant swallowed and nearly choked on the dryness of his mouth. Shivering Servant watched as Hinata remained frozen for a fraction longer before he snapped out of it. His hand resumed rubbing circles and Hinata’s eyes were clear again.

“It’s… it was a mistake.” He settled before standing up, smiling, “Let’s do the metal allergy test. I saw Kazuichi and he’s already finished some prototypes. I don’t want all his hard work wasted if we find out you’re allergic to specific metals.”

The smile didn’t reach Hinata’s eyes, but Servant knew that was the end of any answer he would be given.

~

Damn. How did Komaeda know? Hajime shut the door to his room and slumped to the ground. The files… they were deleted or never existed. That was what he had been told. The Project was secret, nothing getting out. The only reason Enoshima discovered it was because apparently, she met him while he was Kamukura. How did Komaeda know? The question burned in his mind, but Hajime didn’t want to ask. It would open the conversation again and it was one he wasn’t ready for.

It was already not good keeping things from Komaeda. He was smart and intuitive. Eventually Hajime would have to tell him the harsh truth. But he wasn’t ready… Komaeda was like a glass sphere, one that had collected dust on a top shelf before tumbling to the ground, cracking beautifully, making people wonder if the cracks weren’t part of the design. And, instead of fixing it, they poured gold into the cracks and kept the sphere imperfect, letting everyone know exactly where it was cracked, trying to make it a work of art. And Hajime worried, that, if he pushed too hard, instead of the sphere keeping shape, it would crumble and break again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freckles: Been told this is actually seen on Kuzuryuu's sprites in SDR2 and in DR 3.
> 
> Tattoos: I like the idea of Souda having tattoos down his arms.
> 
> Metal Allergy: I think they're fairly common? One of my friends has a metal allergy that prevented her from piercing her ears. She got it re-tested in high school and to this day she doesn't wear earrings.
> 
> Miso Soup: In Japan the only soups that use a spoon are ones with noodles like ramen. In fact, and this may just be where I live, if there is anything in the soup you use chopsticks to pick it out and eat it before drinking the broth. Miso soup is actually so light that most just drink it, no spoon needed.
> 
> Onigiri: The word is used the same for plural and singular. Usually, with Japanese words, that happens as they don't add "s" or "es" to pluralize something, rather they use counters (like with "a dozen eggs").
> 
> Onigiri: Just in case, and as many know, onigiri are rice balls. They are sold almost everywhere in Japan and many things can be added inside. They can also be wrapped in seaweed.
> 
> File: I know in DR 3 it's confirmed that Komaeda forgets Kamukura, but for my story's sake... he finds files on him anyways because if anyone would find a file on a secret Project AND remember said patient from the Project despite a memory wipe, it would be Komaeda because he's just that damn lucky.
> 
> Tea: If you read a lot of my things you'll probably note I write a lot about tea. It's because... I don't really like coffee. At all. So that preference bleeds into my stories. ... there is no real note here... sorry.
> 
> Kintsugi: Is a Japanese art where broken pottery is repaired with a lacquer either dusted or mixed with powered gold, silver, or platinum. I took this concept and applied it to my glass sphere comparison with Komaeda.


	3. Wagers and Discharge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! Komaeda is finally out of the hospital and I can finally get to "The Request" XD.
> 
> I am so excited. I didn't mean to have Komaeda in the hospital for so long... but it happened. I hope it doesn't seem too rushed to get him out... but it felt right to me. Next time I'll finally get to the stuff I've been wanting to get to. 
> 
> Either way I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter. Sorry, it's a bit short (I think?). Thank you for the kudos and comments. They're all lovely and make me happy.

Servant watched as Hinata held his arm, staring at the small dots that ran up the forearm. A moment passed before Hinata let his arm go and quickly wrote something on a clipboard. At the side, Souda tapped his foot, idly rubbing his arms. The jumpsuit he wore was significantly cleaner than the previous one and his arms were exposed. Servant traced his eyes up the tattoos, which swirled in a geometric design. Now that he could properly look, Servant realized it wasn’t entirely black, but an interesting mix of navy and dark purples as well. The lines disappeared indicating that the tattoo ran all the way up his arm.

“He’s fine.” Hinata broke the silence, stepping away, “No metal allergies. Here.” Hinata turned the clipboard towards Souda.

“Great.” Souda stretched, “If that’s done, I’m off. You know where to find me Hajime.”

“Right.”

Souda walked out. Servant stared at his arm, “That’s it?”

“Yes.” Hinata replied, “I know you had to go around for a bit with these on your arms. We can wash it off, if you like?”

“It’s fine.” Servant leaned into the bed.

Hinata nodded and turned, beginning to clean up. Servant looked over at his left arm. Soon he’d have a replacement, a fix to a mistake he did? Servant cocked his head and tried to chase the memory. He… did that to himself, right? He said so when he first woke up…

A stab hit his brain and Servant bit back a gasp. Was that real? He closed his eyes and tried to think, but the memories were a bit muddled, dreams even more so. He dreamed, but without writing them down all he had were impressions scattered across his brain. Even his recent dream, the one with Souda, felt a bit murky. They were in a… city named Towa? Servant tried to remember, but all he could see was Souda’s upset face, ready to smack him, before Hinata stepped in.

Opening his eyes, he looked over at Hinata, who was still setting things back. Hinata had to know something, right? Even if he didn’t know the dream, Hinata probably knew what caused Souda to be upset. He knew everything about everyone it seemed.

“Hey, Hinata.”

“Yes?” He turned around.

“I have a question.” Servant swallowed, “Why was Souda upset when I mentioned Towa City to him?”

Hinata stopped what he was doing, his hands shaking slightly. Turning to him Hinata stared for a moment, eyes narrowed, before he shook his head.

“No idea.”

Servant felt the accusation fill his tongue, “Liar.”

A pause, barely large enough to fit a mouse filled the room for a fraction of a moment, before Hinata calmly set what he was fiddling with, and walked out of the room. Servant huffed and flopped back into the bed, heart pounding. He was correct, right? Hinata’s silence spoke volumes. Frowning he tried to not let his heart drop and something hot fill his veins as a scream wanted to escape his throat.

Servant glared at the door and wished he could get out of bed and chase after Hinata.

~

“Idiot.” Hajime muttered to himself, “Why did you do that?”

Slamming his head against the kitchen table Hajime looked over. He could go back in, answer Komaeda’s question. It was an easy one to fiddle with the answer and not give a lot away. Though was it safe? Hajime sighed. Komaeda had asked… it did raise some question he felt a bit silly for not considering before.

How much did Komaeda remember? Thinking back on the things he said after the dreams, Hajime had assumed he remembered a fair bit… but did he retain it? Komaeda had only called him Kamukura after dreams and had never shown signs that he remembered doing it later. His question about Towa City and Souda was jolting Hajime’s brain, making him feel useless. Why didn’t he think about this before? Sitting up he rubbed his face. Maybe, a meeting was in order?

~

“You only thought of this now?” Souda asked as he picked up a wrench, “A bit late for that, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry.” Hajime muttered, “I’ve been… occupied.”

“Yeah, don’t blame Haji!” Owari added.

“I agree with Owari.” Kuzuryuu sighed, “Blaming Hajime isn’t going to answer his questions. I suppose we can’t just ask him. Though I’d like to know how much he remembers of Peko.”

“Yeah… that won’t go well. I didn’t answer him when he asked about Kazuichi earlier.” Hajime reminded everyone, “So doubt I can walk in there and ask what he remembers.”

“Could one of us do it for you?” Sonia asked.

“Best not.” Kuzuryuu shook his head, “We don’t know how he’ll react to remembering our… Despair days.”

Souda snorted, “He sure seemed fine poking me about Towa City.” He set the wrench down and turned the arm over, fiddling with the wrist joint.

“Here.” Hajime handed him a pair of pliers, “and that’s just the thing. He sometimes remembers things like Towa City or The Kamukura Project. He’s called me Kamukura a few times too. But it only hit me now that he only does that after waking up. He’s never mentioned it again.”

“So, you think the memory doesn’t stay?” Owari asked, “Like he remembers immediately, but forgets it afterwards, like a dream?”

Hajime nodded, “That’s the best way to put it.”

“Well then…” Kuzuryuu stood up, “I guess if you don’t want to ask there isn’t much we can do besides wait and see.”

~

The sun was setting. Servant stared out the window, watching the colours bleed into each other, swirling into a vibrant mix, streaking the sky warmly before fading away to night. Hinata hadn’t returned, not after his outburst. It felt petty of him and Servant scowled. Was that how Hinata acted when someone asked him uncomfortable questions? It was enough to make Servant wish he could locate Hinata and corner him.

“What does it matter?” He mumbled, slouching into the covers, “It’s not like he’d answer me anyways.”

His legs protested a bit, demanding he at least stretch and try to move, but Servant didn’t want to exert the energy. Besides, if an accident happened he would have to alert Hinata and the thought of seeing Hinata again made his stomach twist and another scowl fill his face.

Returning to staring out the window, Servant fiddled with the covers, twisting a bit. His mind felt numb, detached and he wished for a book or maybe a puzzle. Even a conversation with Souda would be preferable. Was this how his days could have been had Hinata not been around pushing his recovery? Shifting a bit Servant felt something flat jab him in the leg. Reaching down he located the object and pulled it out. A card? He pulled it out. It was from the deck Kuzuryuu gave him. Fishing around Servant pulled the rest of the cards out, absentmindedly shuffling them.

The scene hit him slowly, edging into his mind, curling gracefully. It settled and rose in his mind, like bread dough proofing and Servant didn’t need to close his eyes to see it clearly.

He was in a classroom with a bunch of people. A TV sat in front of them as a variety of video games played across the screen, ranging from fighting to resource management, to racing. All through it Servant saw himself, smiling amongst the others. Even when a meal went… askew, in the end he was happy.

Servant paused from his shuffling as the scene settled firmly into his mind, replaying gently. What was this? He examined the scene. Kuzuryuu, Souda, Sonia, and Owari were there, all mixed in with strangers and unlike the uncertainty with his arm… this scene felt tangible. He smiled and his heart ached as it dipped itself in nostalgia. Did that mean this scene… was a memory?

~

Hinata walked in at his usual time, a file in hand. Servant stared for a moment too long before turning his head. Despite the flutter that his heart felt, that Hinata wasn’t just going to leave him, the lack of answers from the previous day played in his head. At least Hinata had the decency to give a small smile and gingerly shut the door. Silently walking in, Hinata grabbed the chair and pulled it over, sitting down at his side. Setting the file on the table, he opened it.

“I think… I should go over Trial Two.”

Servant snorted, “You’ll go over a Trial with me, but not answer my questions?”

Hinata sighed, “Servant…”

“Whatever.” Servant looked away, “Just… get on with this.”

A beat of silence past before Hinata began talking.

~

Hajime was just arriving at the final part of the Trial when the door opened loudly. He nearly broke his sentence off, but the smell of oil and metal hit his nose. Continuing, Hajime was just about to get to the conclusion when Souda plopped down on the bed, waving metal in his face. Hajime sighed and batted it away lightly.

“Kazuichi… I’m finishing Trial Two. Give me five minutes.” He wrinkled his nose as the smell of sweat was mixed in with the oil and metal, “Also get off the bed, you’re dirty.”

“You can just wash the bedding.” Souda protested, “I’ve worked hard on this prototype. Also, I don’t want to be here for long.” He sent a glare to Komaeda.

 Hajime set the file down and looked at him, “Okay. You’re here. Let’s give this a try.”

“Good.” Souda cheerfully turned around, and looked at Komaeda, “Arm please.”

Komaeda lifted his arm. Souda leaned over and began to fiddle with something, muttering under his breath. Hajime stood up and walked to the other side. The arm was hollow at the base, allowing the stump to fit in. Some belts wrapped around the arm and were getting secured.

“Okay… now… lift your arm a bit… good…” Souda finished adjusting and leaned back, “Okay, how does that feel?”

Komaeda stared and lifted his arm, “It doesn’t hurt…”

“Great.” Souda nodded, “We’ll have to work on the electric signal device… basically we’re going to hook your brain wirelessly to the arm… like Wi-Fi to your prosthetic.”

Komaeda’s eyes widened and he blinked, “Wi-Fi?”

Souda shrugged, “Well, it’s not like we can attach a port to your arm. Like in that one manga series…”

“Thank you Souda.” Komaeda politely cut him off.

“Yeah… sure.” His eyes rolled, “Now that I’m done, I’m going.”

Without another word Souda exited. Hajime sighed and turned to Komaeda, who was rubbing his arm a bit, frowning. Picking the file up, Hajime flipped to where they left off.

“If you don’t mind… I’m going to finish the Trial?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah sure… you were at the part with Pekoyama admitting she committed the murder, right?”

“Right…”

Hajime continued, watching Komaeda’s face. Kuzuryuu’s question, the one of how much he remembered about Pekoyama filled his head. Whatever memory he had before, was not apparent here… Komaeda barely flinched when he got to the execution and his expression morphed into a slight downcast of eyes and mouth, barely warm pity swimming in his eyes, like condolences from distant friends handed out at funerals. Finishing the file, Hajime set it down.

“That’s it?” Komaeda softly asked.

“Yes.” Hajime began to organize everything.

“If this happened in a virtual world, why does Kuzuryuu have an eyepatch here?” Komaeda asked.

Hajime couldn’t help but flicker his gaze to Komaeda’s arm. How could he tell Komaeda that Kuzuryuu’s eye was also self inflicted? Would it bring something up? Hajime wanted to say nothing, but his silence before hitting him slowly in the side, seeping into his bones. It… wouldn’t be good to avoid Komaeda’s questions all the time.

“He lost that eye.” Hajime carefully said, “I don’t know the details, but his eye was gorged out.” There. That was true.

Komaeda blinked for a moment, owlishly, before replying, “Oh. An answer. I wasn’t expecting that.”

The words poked at his already tender side. Hajime wanted to defend himself, but something deep down told him he deserved that. “Uh yeah, anyways… physio time.”

Komaeda scowled. “Must we?”

~

Physio was starting to become easier and easier. Servant hobbled up to the cushions and plopped down a bit ungracefully. Hinata handed him the water and finished a note up.

The morning had gone… better than Servant thought. Souda’s interruption was unexpected, but welcome. Giving Hinata a side glance Servant sipped the water. Hinata had answered his question; that was what mattered to him. The surprise was unexpected, but welcome. So much of their relationship was focused on his physical recovery. Hinata had barely answered anything. All the information about what had happened was in files. The files were great, but only answered so much. Maybe… he could get Hinata to answer more...

“I’m pleased.” Hinata hummed, “You’ll need a cane for a bit after you’re out of here and some check ups… but you’re going to be out of here soon.”

Servant nearly jolted up, brushing his fatigue and thoughts aside, “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Hinata replied, “but after Kazuichi finishes the arm. I want to monitor that before we let you go.”

Servant slumped, “Right…” Still… that meant more time with Hinata. More time to try and pump information out of him.

“It will be soon. I know it.” Hinata encouraged, “Now, let’s go back to your room.”

Struggling, Servant batted Hinata’s hands away when he reached over for him. Managing to stand after a couple wobbly steps, Servant started to slowly walk. Hinata hovered at his side but kept his hands to himself. Every step left a burn in his muscles, but Servant focused on the distance he was achieving, even if he was touching the bars on wall for support. It reminded Servant of a dance studio, except no full length mirrors.

“If you’re going to walk back yourself I should give a cane to you earlier.” Hinata mused.

“Good.” Servant shot back, “you said I’ll be out soon. I want to be able to do small things on my own.”

“Okay.”

With a final wobble, he entered the room and flopped down onto the bed. Hinata chuckled and helped him roll over, sitting properly.

“That was great.” Hinata said, “I better make dinner and such…”

Servant scrambled. He… was leaving all ready? Maybe he could change that? His thoughts from before surfaced. He had to get more out of Hinata… but how? Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the cards… an idea lit up bright and loud. It was worth a shot.

“Wait, Hinata.”

“Yes?”

“I… play cards with me.” Servant quickly said, “You’re always here for work… can… we play a few rounds?”

Hinata’s eyes narrowed, but he sat down after a moment. “Okay, I suppose we can… what do you want to play?”

Servant felt his heart leap, “Poker and… can we make a wager?”

“I had a feeling you’d ask that.”

“Answer my questions if I win.” Servant ignored him.

For a second, Servant thought Hinata would get up and leave. His luck was powerful and Servant bit his lip. He won all the rounds with Kuzuryuu… so hopefully with Hinata it would work again.

“Fine.” Hinata finally spoke, “but don’t expect an easy win. If I win, you’ll answer my questions.”

Servant blinked. Hinata… wanted to ask him questions? Why? The thought latched onto his head, like a leech, but Servant knew he wouldn’t get a reply. He shook the thought away.

“Okay. I accept.”

~

Unlike other talents, pulling out Ultimate Luck was difficult. There was no indication until the event happened, and even then, a lot of second guessing occurred. It was harder with Komaeda. Their luck, when together, probably cancelled each other out, in a battle to dominate the other. It was a silent, unseen power struggle that Hajime had no clue if he would win until it was too late.

Gently Hajime set his cards down and looked at Komaeda’s hand. He… won? He nearly laughed as Komaeda’s eyes widened. He leaned closer to stare at the cards, picking one of Hajime’s up, examining it.

“You won?” Komaeda’s voice was a bit breathy.

“Seems so.” Hajime replied, “Another round?”

Komaeda was already gathering the cards up, pushing them towards Hajime, “Yes. You may ask your question.”

Hajime gathered the cards up. Now was the time to test Komaeda’s memory. He carefully started to shuffle, “Do you remember Pekoyama?”

“Pekoyama?” Komaeda gave him a look, “Yes? Kuzuryuu and her pretended to not know each other, but they were always giving each other looks.”

“Looks huh?” Hajime muttered.

“That was a boring question.” Komaeda pouted.

“I’ll try better next time I win.” Hajime shot back.

~

Servant stared at his hand and back to Hinata. How was he winning? Servant didn’t have much, but what he did have was luck. Yet Hinata was winning. Was that even possible? He looked down at his hand. Was this his unlucky streak? It didn’t feel that way. Instead it felt like his luck was there, just, somehow, being supressed. Was Hinata somehow doing something? He frowned and gestured to Hinata to grab him a card. Good… maybe he lost the last three rounds… but he wanted to win this one. It would probably be their last round before Hinata ran off to do some form of work. Carefully… he held his breath as the game continued. His hand was good. Should he call it? Was it worth ending the round on only good? Did it matter? Everything was going in circles; he had to take a chance. Stomach churning Servant carefully set his hand down. Hinata paused and blinked before setting his.

How… did he win again? Servant gasped audibly. “How?”

Hinata stared at the table for a second before looking up at him, eyes clouded ever so slightly, “I suppose I just… had better luck?”

“Luck?” Servant glared, “Are you mocking me? I demand a rematch.”

“No, I best get back to work.” Hinata replied, gathering the cards, shuffling them before setting the deck closer, “My last question is…”

“It better not be about Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama again I swear.” Servant folded his arms, looking away.

“Do you remember calling me Kamukura?”

…What was that? Servant felt the name nestle into his brain, like a splinter. The name festered inside and Servant desperately wanted to claw at it, drag it out of his brain, leaving a bloody mess… he pushed that aside. Besides the uncomfortable feeling… the name meant nothing.

“No. I don’t.” He cocked his head, “Does that name mean something to you?”

“Thank you, Servant.” Hinata stood up, “I’ll be back later.”

His question was just brushed aside. It didn’t matter that the game was over… technically Servant shouldn’t have to play rounds of a card game to get answers. He felt his face heat up and his stomach roll. Eyes narrowed and Servant did his best to sit up.

“You can’t run away from my questions Hinata.” His tone came out clipped, “Answer me.”

Hinata paused and turned, his expression flat, like someone had touched him and drained all the emotion from his body. Shutting his eyes in a jilted motion that looked more like a doll, he exhaled in a long, single sound.

“It’s not important.”

“No, it is.” Servant pushed, “I shouldn’t have to play games to get answers from people. You’re hiding something, starting with that eye.” He spat.

Hinata barely blinked. Servant felt his mind tilt. Hajime knew about his game with Kuzuryuu and the question he asked. Somehow Servant doubted Kuzuryuu told him.

“You spied on me?” Servant wanted to stand up and smack Hinata, “You knew I noted your eye. Why won’t you just start being honest with me?”

“I…” Hinata shut his eyes briefly before turning around and walking away, for the second time.

Servant felt a scream, laced with hotness, a molten burning, and acid spill from his throat as he smacked his single good hand against the bed. Tears of frustration wanted to run down his face, but Servant wasn’t going to give in.

~

Crap. Why did he walk about again? Hinata ran to the bathroom and stumbled inside, hoping the baths were far enough that if Komaeda decided to attempt walking he wouldn’t find him. The doctor part of Hinata cringed at the thought of his patient exhorting themselves, but Hinata shoved that away.

Walking over to the sink he turned it on and washed his face. Staring at the mirror Hajime reached out and touched where his eye was. Komaeda’s words rang in his head, echoing off his skull until it hurt. He had a valid point; information shouldn’t be pulled painfully like a tooth… but… Hajime shut his eyes. He could see the swirling in Komaeda’s expression and hear the sing-song voice dancing in his mind. Was the truth worth the risk of Komaeda having a violent relapse once all his memories returned? Hajime swallowed. It could be just as bad to leave him in the dark. It would push Komaeda to find the truth and if the files were to be believed that happened before…

“Damn it.” Hajime muttered, “Just one thing… that should be safe, right?”

Carefully he located his contact case and saline solution. With a shaky hand, he gently pulled his eyelid back a bit and with his thumb and pointer finger took the contact out. He put the contact away before looking at his reflection.

Upon seeing the red eye Hajime shuddered. Turning away he pushed the contact case to the side and walked out. Seeing the red wasn’t fun… but if he could get Komaeda to trust him a bit more it was worth it.

~

The door opened at the time Hinata usually came back in the evening. Servant felt his heart leap before he settled on a scowl. His face felt numb and any range of muscle made his skin itch. He wanted to wash up, but it pained him to admit he still needed Hinata’s help around the slippery floors. Doing his best to frown while not hurting his face, Servant turned his head. Even when the chair scraped across the floor painfully, making his ears protest, Servant tried to not look at him.

“Let’s start.” Hinata sounded too calm.

How could he sound like that? Servant wanted to turn around and give it to him, but instead he kept his gaze away. Papers fluttered as Hinata began to open another file. Servant sighed. A file. That was what he was doing? Giving him a file to make him feel like he was getting the answers he wanted?

“So, Trial Three started when…”

This was a waste of time… Servant bit his lip.

“Three people had the Despair Disease… Owari, Mioda, and you…”

Hearing his name made Servant perk up a bit, but he shoved that away. Hinata was just filling the space with useless information to keep him happy.

“All three of you were taken to the hospital, where Kuzuryuu was just finishing recovering from…”

The hospital? Did he mean this one? Of course, in the Neo World Program, but still…

“We then decided who would watch over you three and we decided…”

Was Hinata going to keep talking? With a frown etched on his face, pulling at his aching muscles, Servant finally turned his head, “Look, Hinata you can’t think that giving me Trial information is going to…”

Hinata stared at him. Servant swallowed his words dying on his lips. His eye, it was red. Servant’s heart twisted painfully until it was wringing out blood, like a cloth with too much water.

“Sorry about earlier.” Hinata set the file down, “You’re right; you shouldn’t have to struggle for answers.”

Whatever else Hinata was going to say, Servant didn’t hear it. His image of Hinata blurred and in the moment the image blurred he saw someone else sitting there. Someone with long dark hair, a suit on, and red eyes.

~

Souda appeared the next day, fitting the arm on him. He had vastly improved it from before. The design was sleek with white and black. When he was done adjusting it, Servant barely felt anything. Souda then pulled out a small device that looked like a one yen coin and began to jabber about how it could adhere to the skin and how despite the size it could transmit signals.

However, all Servant could think of was the person he saw in place of Hinata. Who was that? There was something looming over him, something heavy and dark, like a glob of tar. He had never seen the person before and Servant couldn’t place why he replaced Hinata, but the red eyes were linked to Hinata. Hinata having heterochromia was rare, but having a red eye? Then to see someone else replace him entirely? Servant didn’t think it was a coincidence, but without the proper strings, he couldn’t connect anything.

“I think that’s it.” Souda pulled away, “Go ahead, try the arm.”

“Try what?” Servant pushed the thoughts away.

“Here, grab this.” Souda dangled a piece of paper in front of his left hand.

Servant reached, like he always would, barely thinking about it. He nearly dropped the paper when he saw it was his metal hand doing the lifting and grabbing. Staring with eyes wide he turned his hand over. The wrist seamlessly let him.

“Oh wow…”

“Yeah!” Souda’s eyes sparkled, “It’s working like a charm! Of course, I’ll have to monitor over the next while to see how it holds up and you’ll have to get used to basic sanitizing but…”

Servant didn’t hear him. All he could do was stare at his arm. A smile filled his face and his heart felt light.

“I think you deserve a bit of celebrating.” Hinata spoke up, “Say, Servant, do you want to get out of here for an evening?”

~

To his surprise, Hinata also gave him a cane. It was made of bleached wood with a smooth handle and rubber bottom to help with grip. He also gave him new clothes. Sure, it was a yukata, but it wasn’t a hospital one and Servant was going to take what he was given. Giving a bit of a twirl he smiled. The fabric was comfortable and the colour nice, not clashing with anything.

“Let’s go?” Hinata asked, “We decided to have a picnic in the park. It’s still warm for a long time in the evening, but if you’re uncomfortable, tell me.”

“Okay.”

Testing his cane out, Servant found the walk rather pleasant, even though Hinata stopped plenty of times with him, he made it on his own.

The park was filled with blankets, cushions, and food. Servant stared. Everyone, the few people they had, were all sitting and chatting. As they approached everyone stopped. Sonia was the first to talk. Standing up she gracefully bowed.

“Hello, I’m glad you made it.” She gestured to the blankets, “Please sit we have a ton of cushions.”

“Thank you.” He sat down, a bit wobbly.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Hinata sat down beside him, “Consider this a pre-party to your discharge from the hospital. It will be soon.”

 “Yeah, eat all you want!” Owari waved her plate. It was quite full.

Servant reached for a plate, “Thank you.”

~

Owari was in the kitchen, clutching her stomach, bent over the sink. It took Hajime two seconds to calculate what was wrong. Dinner from the night before played in his head and he wanted to go back in time to warn himself and Owari. No use now. He carefully walked over and turned the sink on. The smell of stomach acid and whatever she had eaten in the morning started to disappear down the drain. Carefully he rubbed circles into her back. He stayed by her, waiting until her coughing stopped and was replaced by laboured breathing.

“Sorry…” She winced, “I just… I ate so much last night and thought… it was fine… I over ate I’m sorry…”

“No need to apologize.” Hajime replied, “Are you feeling a bit better now?”

Owari wiped the back of her mouth and nodded, “I’m… it’s fine now… sorry Haji…”

“Here.” Hajime lead her to the table, “I’m going to make you a lemon ginger tea to help with your stomach.”

“Thank you. Sorry… I don’t think I can join in with decorating Komaeda’s cottage.”

“That’s fine. Your health is more important.” Hajime firmly said as he filled the kettle, “Actually… do you mind staying here? You don’t have to be in the room with Komaeda, but just be near by please?”

“Sure. I can do that.” Owari smiled, “You can go and start with the decorating. I’ll get you if anything happens.”

Hajime set the kettle on the stove and grabbed the tea, putting it into the tea pot before leaving Owari.

~

“Over here?” Sonia set down a pillow before frowning and turning it around. “Do you think Komaeda will like this colour?”

Hajime gave a crooked smile, “I’m sure he’ll be happy to just be out of the hospital.”

Sonia nodded, “Yes! That place is not pleasant. I’m grateful you asked me to assist!”

It was nice to have Sonia’s help. Hajime was sure without her he wouldn’t have had the room set up so quickly. Sure, Souda and Kuzuryuu helped him gather everything and even helped him move everything into the cottage.

“I’m sure Komaeda will like whatever you picked out Sonia.” Souda piped up from entrance, setting the final box inside.

“Ugh Kazuichi you need to set that out of the door way.” Kuzuryuu strolled in, walking around the box, “by the way the air conditioning system hasn’t been checked yet.”

Souda pouted slightly but perked up. “Ok. I’ll got check that.”

He shuffled out of the cottage, leaving Kuzuryuu with the box and Sonia staring at the bed. Hajime walked over and opened the last box. It was just a bunch of clothes.

“Thanks, Fuyuhiko.” Hajime said, “I hope Komaeda likes this.”

“If he doesn’t that’s too bad.” Kuzuryuu scowled, “We did our best, but this Island only has so many oversized jackets.”

Hajime cracked a smile, “Komaeda doesn’t just wear oversized jackets all the time.”

“Right.” Kuzuryuu rolled his eye, “Let’s start unpacking this. The sooner we finish the sooner I can relax.”

~

“Lift your arm.”

Servant did as Hinata asked.

“Set it down.”

Again, as Hinata asked.

“Turn your wrist. Bend your elbow. Grab this.”

Servant followed the instructions. Hinata wrote something down, “Good. I think… you’re good… I think… I can discharge you soon.”

Servant felt his heart flutter, “Really?”

“Yes… just let’s go over proper care of this arm again, okay?”

The fluttering drastically decreased, “Okay…”

Anything to get out soon.

~

Komaeda’s eyes widened when he walked into his cottage. Hajime lingered at the door, letting him take in the place. Sonia had added in some extra decorations and Komaeda’s walls supported some pictures and his desk had a potted plant.

“You… did this for me?”

“Yes, we all did.” Hajime walked in, “We wanted you to feel at home.”

“At home…” Komaeda turned around, “Thank you. I think I’m exhausted.”

Hajime nodded, “Okay. Take your time. I’m still going to come back and check on you. You’re still healing.”

“Right.” Komaeda hummed.

“My cottage is next door.” Hajime added, “If you need me…”

“I’ll find you.” Komaeda finished.

Hajime knew a dismissal when he heard one. Slowly he edged out of the cottage, shutting the door behind him slowly.

~

His cottage was musty and Hajime made a mental note to open the window. Hobbling over to his bed he flopped down, breathing in a mix of stale and ocean air. In a moment, he would get up. Rolling over he looked out his door. Komaeda was finally out of the hospital. It… left Hajime’s heart palpitating. Sure, he still would need check ups but not frequent. He wouldn’t be monitored as much.

The memories showed no signs of returning immediately, but Hajime didn’t want to tempt fate. Hopefully, the memories would slowly come back to Komaeda and Hajime could help deal with the fallout of Ultimate Despair slowly leaking back into his memories, like poison slowly being added to a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allergy Test: I based this off of a friend in high school who had hers done on her arm (that's about nine years ago). I did a bit of asking around and other people, particularly someone, who is currently studying medicine said that it can be done on either the arm or back.
> 
> Komaeda's Arm: I am taking HUGE liberties with this. I am NOT going too in depth to the arm. I made up some stuff that I know doesn't exist in life... but this is a series where a virtual reality exists so I'm not going to start picking realistic vs. not.
> 
> That one manga: I hope everyone knows what series I'm giving a fun allusion to.
> 
> Poker: I know basically nothing about how to play poker. I did look it up briefly, but didn't care enough to actually learn. I got a basic understanding of the game now though. Either way don't read too hard into what hands are being played here.
> 
> Luck: My personal theory is with Hinata having Ultimate Luck as well as Komaeda the Luck doesn't "cancel each other out" rather, they fight to be on top, in a sort of struggle between two equal forces.
> 
> Contact: I wear contacts and had a bit of fun writing that scene... even if it's brief XD
> 
> Yukata: A cotton kimono worn in summer.


	4. It's the Calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: OK. Time to get to The Request.  
> Brain: Yeah, but what about this scene. And this scene.  
> Me: ... -sweats- 
> 
> Sorry everyone! I thought I'd get to The Request (as I have started to call it) in this chapter, but other scenes came to my mind. I also wrote this slower than usual. This week, however, was a bit hectic with my car battery deciding, no I don't want to work. (I thankfully can walk to work easily...) Anyways, that was fixed and hopefully stays that way -eyes her car-.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. I had fun writing it, especially the Komaeda and Souda stuff. Seeing their interactions (as well as Kuzuryuu and Komaeda) in the OVA made me squee with joy.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos. Never needed, but always make my day.
> 
> Also, Happy Lunar New Year!

Morning broke across the sky, like a thousand Easter egg shells crushed and scattered as the sun’s rays stretched across the sky. The light filtered into Hajime’s room and floated across his face. Shifting in the bed, Hajime stuffed his face into the pillow, sinking into the covers.

His body felt rested for once. An almost languid curl rolled in his muscles as Hajime sat up and stretched, letting out a yawn. A small reminder flashed in his mind, one telling him to check up on Komaeda. Hajime nodded to himself and let sleep roll out of his mind.

Getting ready quickly Hajime didn’t bother with the contact, grabbed the Master Key, and started to tie his tie as he walked out of the cottage, towards Komaeda’s. Knocking with one hand, Hajime tightened his tie and called out.

“Servant, it’s me. Is it fine if I come in?”

Before he could use the Master Key, Hajime heard the faintest sound of shuffling came from behind the door. A second later the door opened, just a crack. Hajime waited a few seconds before opening it and walking in. Komaeda was hobbling back to his bed, wrapped in the blanket like a cocoon. His cane moved somehow amidst the blanket, aiding him as Komaeda flopped back onto the bed, snuggling into his pillow.

“I think you should have a key to this place.” Komaeda mumbled into the pillow, “That way I don’t have to get up to let you in. You’re still doing check ups, right?”

“I do…” Hajime held up the key, “I was going to use it.”

Komaeda turned his head and glared, “So you’re telling me I got up for nothing?”

“I was going to tell you…” Hajime protested, “I just forgot yesterday. Now you know.”

“Thanks.” Komaeda turned his head away, “Do you need to do the check up now?”

“I don’t have to do it now.” Hajime replied, “You look and sound fine. I can go eat and come back.”

“Yes please.” Komaeda said.

“I’ll get food and eat in my room.” Hajime carefully said, “Just in case.”

“Sure.” Komaeda half shrugged, “I’ll just be here… sleeping.”

That was good. Hajime didn’t want Komaeda pushing himself too hard. With a nod Hajime silently walked out of the cottage, making sure to shut the door softly and lock it behind him.

~

_The chain bounced against his chest, but Servant didn’t care. When he first got the chain, it was cumbersome, adding weight he wasn’t used to but now it was merely a footnote in his thoughts. It was amazing how humans adapted. Servant smiled as he skipped through the city, swinging the bag. Stepping over the broken concrete and rubble, he slid down a steep path and entered the building._

_Kamukura sat on a large piece of concrete that was once part of a ceiling. The moon light filtered through, giving him an almost ethereal look. With the long hair… the perfect suit… it was hard to not think so. Servant felt his heart race and ache._

_“I found some food and water.” Servant lifted the bag. “It’s not much, but here…”_

_He stepped forward. Kamukura barely moved in his vision, but suddenly he was in front of him. Servant stopped and felt their chests brush. A shiver ran down his spine and Servant held his breath, a smile dancing across his face._

_“Yes?” Servant almost hummed._

_“We’re going.” Kamukura barely said above a whisper._

_“Oh… okay.” Servant turned, to start leading the way._

_Servant barely moved when he felt his air cut off. A hand was wrapped around the chain, tugging. The links jingled and Servant felt the ache in his chest as Kamukura pulled him back harshly, causing him to fall behind him. Stars started to burst behind his eyes and Servant felt warmth pool deep in his stomach. A wheeze of air escaped his lips as Kamukura started to walk, silently pulling him along by the chain._

_It was utter bliss._

~

Hajime spotted Souda, sitting with Kuzuryuu, chatting. A basic breakfast sat on the table, mainly toast and fruit, though Kuzuryuu’s plate was sporting hints of eggs. Walking over Hajime grabbed a plate and filled it mainly with fruit. He’d have to get up early to start making breakfast for everyone again. Chewing on a strawberry he walked over to Souda and Kuzuryuu.

“Good morning Hajime.” Kuzuryuu greeted.

“Good morning.” Hajime finished the strawberry off, “I got a task for you Kazuichi.”

“Another one?” Souda raised an eyebrow, “I worked so hard on that arm… what now?”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Hajime apologized before getting to his point, “I just want a basic alarm or something for Komaeda. You know, in case he’s in trouble.”

“… you basically want one of those life line buttons old folks get?” Souda clarified, “Sure. I can do that.”

“Thank you.” Hajime smiled, “I better go. I want to be near Komaeda in case of emergency.”

Kuzuryuu scoffed as Hajime started to turn, “You’re running yourself ragged Hajime. I keep saying we should find a way to create a decent wireless communication system. Apocalypse or not, can’t we find a way to do that?”

If only. Hajime sucked in air. If they could he’d feel a million times better… but the most advanced technology on the island was in the Neo World Program.

“I’m afraid that would be challenging.” Hajime truthfully said.

Kuzuryuu shrugged, “It was just a thought.”

Hajime tucked the thought in the back of his mind before he headed out, walking back to his cottage, plate of food in hand. Entering alone made his heart ache a bit. Eating alone wasn’t fun, but Komaeda’s health and safety were more important. He could relax later. Sitting on his bed Hajime absentmindedly chewed the fruit, finishing his breakfast as slowly as he could. Once done he glanced at the clock. He should go see Komaeda and check up. Perhaps get him something to eat too. Setting his plate on his desk, Hajime exited his cottage, opening Komaeda’s door after a knock.

Komaeda was awake, sitting up. His hands were lingering around his neck. At the sound of the door opening Komaeda turned his head, stiff, like a wooden doll. Hajime felt his blood drain. Komaeda’s eyes were glossed over, smooth and marble like. His lips cracked, like pottery and a jagged smile filled his face. He waved his arm. It flopped around limply that for a moment Hajime thought he was waving a corpse’s arm.

“Kamukura!” He greeted cheerfully before grimacing, “No, wait, Hinata… right?”

“Yes, it’s Hinata.” Hajime carefully closed the door, “Is something wrong Komaeda?”

The moment his name slipped Hajime froze. He had been doing so well, calling Komaeda by Servant. With darting eyes Hajime felt his breath grow shallow as he watched Komaeda’s reaction. His eyes widened almost comically and his arm dropped with an almost wet flop onto the bed. Cocking his head Komaeda blinked owlishly, mouth parted ever so slightly. The combination of his pale complexion and wide eyes made Komaeda look like a doll, a creepy doll that people claimed were haunted or possessed.

Komaeda opened his mouth wider and a high-pitched tone filled the air, almost a parody of his natural tenor tone. “Komaeda? Komaeda, Komaeda, Komaeda… I guess a mere Servant like me can’t dictate what you call me.”

What? Hajime stared. Komaeda wasn’t correcting him? What did that mean? Did that mean he could call him by his actual name and not a title? The possible revelation was shoved aside. It was too early for him to speculate, especially since Komaeda’s state of consciousness wasn’t determined yet.

“Anyways, Kamukura.” Komaeda broke his through Hajime’s musings as he lifted his hand to his throat, “Where’s my chain?”

His… what now? Hajime ignored the obvious change in his name and focused on where Komaeda’s fingers were, “Your chain?”

“Yes, you know… it is so long… perfect for tugging me places. You used to like doing that… or at least I pretended to myself you did. You never gave me any indication, but you did tug me around.” Komaeda gave a blissful smile, “So, I liked to believe you enjoyed it.”

Hajime felt his cheeks burn. Tugging Komaeda around on a chain? That sounded… like something private. Hajime felt more burning in his face. Just what was Komaeda potentially remembering? His stomach tossed and Hajime desperately hoped it was just a delusion.

“It was so delicious.” Komaeda was still talking, fingers tightening slightly, “You always were the only one who could cut my air off perfectly. I was always on the brink of passing out before you let me breathe…”

Komaeda let out a moan that was too suggestive before squeezing his fingers around his neck, “I… I long for that again.” He squeezed tighter.

A beat of horror passed in the room before Hajime sprinted across in two, large strides. Pulling Komaeda’s hand away from his neck Hajime watched as the skin flushed red, finger imprints staring Hajime down. There was possibility that Komaeda would have slight bruising if he continued.

“Oh?” Komaeda breathed, “You’re going to do it yourself?”

Komaeda wiggled his new metal arm around and managed to pull one of Hajime’s hands closer to his neck. Hajime felt the skin underneath. It was warm and he could practically see the veins under the skin, appearing blue to the eyes.

“Well, Kamukura?” Komaeda giggled. “Punish me like you used to?”

With a strong jerk Hajime pulled away, careful to not injure Komaeda. Komaeda continued to giggle and reached out to him, “What’s wrong?”

This. This entire situation was wrong. Hajime forced a breath through his nose before stepping away a bit, raising his hands, palms up, showing his clear intentions to not surprise Komaeda by grabbing him.

“Komaeda. I’m not going to choke you. I’m here. Komaeda… I’m going to touch your head.”

With slow motions Hajime ran his hand over Komaeda’s hair. Time felt frozen, but eventually Hajime felt Komaeda collapse like a puppet with it’s strings cut off. Hajime pulled his hand away. Komaeda was blinking slowly, his eyes no longer glossed over.

“It’s Servant.” Komaeda scowled before his eyes focused. “Hinata…” He swallowed, “What happened?”

“You were half awake.” Hajime firmly said. “How are you feeling?”

Komaeda slowly answered, “My mind feels… crumbly… like… dried dirt.” He leaned closer to Hajime, “Please… sit down.”

Hajime stepped closer and lifted his arms, wrapping them loosely around Komaeda’s shoulders, “It’s all right. Though I really want to know what this is all about.”

“Demanding answers from me?” Komaeda sunk against his chest, “Why don’t you tell me more about you? Like why you were wearing a contact in your left eye.”

Hajime sucked in a breath, “I don’t always like seeing the red. Can I ask where you know the name Kamukura? You called me it again.”

Komaeda shifted a bit before replying, “I saw someone named Kamukura in my dream… he…” Komaeda blushed hotly. “Why I’m calling you that is beyond me… but I remember seeing a city destroyed and uh…” He clamed up.

Hajime bit his lip. What did Komaeda remember and how much? His own memories were jumbled, swirling like melting ice cream. Some memories were fuzzy, like a film of wax paper obscuring everything. Some memories were clear and focused, and some memories had faded down to impressions.

However, Komaeda’s information stuck in his mind. Was he implying that they knew each other before the simulation? At once the memory of Komaeda on the boat with him, showing Junko’s arm flashed in Hajime’s mind, but he shook that away. It seemed like Komaeda was implying they knew each other better than he thought when he was Kamukura.

“Are you implying you knew Kamukura before the Neo World Program?” Hajime carefully asked.

Komaeda pulled away a bit, “Why? Do you know this Kamukura too?”

Hajime swallowed; he had to answer… “Sort of… Sorry I was just… curious.”

Komaeda blinked and fully pulled away. A beat passed and Hajime started to stand up. He wasn’t going to get more out of Komaeda. What he had was plenty. He should be happy that Komaeda had given him this much. Conclusions were becoming clearer in Hajime’s mind. Memories of Despair were returning to Komaeda. Hajime wished he could ask “how fast” but that was question for another day.

“What we had wasn’t anything stable or healthy. He would have left me if I lagged behind.” Komaeda gave an angelic smile, suddenly continuing, “But I was euphoric when I was around him. I suppose you can say we had a relationship?”

Komaeda’s tone made the words feel like they were morphing into something personal, something Hajime didn’t remember. Swallowing Hajime looked at Komaeda. His eyes weren’t glossy, and his words hung in the air. It sent a small shiver down Hajime’s spine. More questions filled his mind, but Hajime tucked those away.

“I see. Thank you.” Hajime said, “Let’s get you up. I think you should eat something.”

Komaeda raised an eyebrow, “I thought I was out of the hospital. Are you mothering me?”

That was what Souda called it. “No…” Hajime answered a bit quickly, “I’m just being cautious. I swear I’ll let you do things… just… let me help this time.”

Komaeda huffed but didn’t say anything else.

~

They barely got out of the cottage when Souda bounced up, grabbed his left arm, and stared, kneeling to get a better look. Servant froze, gripping his cane, and turned to Hinata. Hinata stepped forward a bit, pulling Souda away by the collar of his jumpsuit.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Hinata dryly asked.

“I became bored with your easy task.” Souda pouted, “Also I wanted to see how the arm is doing…”

“It’s not any different than when you saw it yesterday.” Hinata told him, “But if you’re so curious, you can check after Servant eats something.”

“Ok… fine.” Souda huffed.

Hinata let go of his collar. Souda began to straighten the fabric as he stood up, mumbling under his breath. Hinata raised an eyebrow.

“I heard that.”

“Of frickin’ course you did.” Souda mumbled louder. “I am not apologizing.”

“I didn’t expect you to…” Hinata sighed, “Shall we?”

Right. Servant stared at the sky as they walked. It was clear day and the sun felt wonderful against his skin. Servant stared at the paleness and frowned. Maybe, he could convince Hinata to let him stay outside even though he wanted to be alone he could ask Hinata to show him around… yeah… that way he could walk around and Hinata could be around him. It was a win-win situation.

Their cottages were surrounded a pool, like in a hotel. Servant stared at the clear water and carefully skirted away from the edge. At the front was a large building with stairs leading up the side. Hinata paused, hovering between the main entrance and the staircase. His eyes were furrowed and it didn’t take long for Servant to figure out what he was thinking. Moving ahead Servant made the choice, walking up the stairs on the side. He would have to walk up stairs eventually. Carefully he took a step at a time, scowling when he felt Hinata move a bit too close. Urging his legs to move, Servant made it up and entered.

The dining area was large and open, with a warm breeze blowing through. Another set of stairs lead down to what Servant could only assume was a reception area. Walking over to the first table he saw, Servant plopped down, Souda immediately sitting at his left side, bent over to examine his arm. Hinata followed, sighing.

“Let him eat first.”

“You’re going to cook him something,” Souda countered. “It will take a bit.”

Hinata stared for a long second before shaking his head, “Fine. Servant, do you want anything in particular?”

“Uh… toast.” Servant replied, “Rice is fine but… not for breakfast…”

“Toast?” Hinata parroted, “Anything else?”

“Not that I can think of…” Servant muttered as Souda started to poke at his arm. He lifted it and rested the metal on the table. Immediately Souda followed it, like he was being pulled into a magnetic field.

“I’ll add some other stuff,” Hinata promised, “but I’ll definitely make toast.”

Hinata left and Servant turned his head when he heard a metal click. Souda was tapping the metal, eyes scanning the arm as he pulled out a worn notepad, scribbling with a dull pencil. Servant winced as he watched the dull point fly across the page.

“It’s doing well… so far…” Souda muttered, “Hajime was so strict with me… I wanted to add so many other things…”

“Other things?” Servant asked.

“Yeah!” Souda looked up, eyes sparkling, “Like a bottle opener, or a laser pointer… things like that.”

Servant blinked and looked down at his hand, twisting his fingers, watching with a tinge of wonder as the metal moved silently and with ease. “You make it sound like you were going to make my arm into a utility kit.”

Souda laughed, “No, not like that. I mean okay the bottle opener and laser pointer were just fun ideas.” His eyes hardened, “No I was thinking more self defense stuff. I mean, what’s the point in having a metal arm if you don’t have something cool hidden?”

Self… defense? Servant stared. Why would he need self defense? At once the dream shoved itself violently in his head, showing the destroyed city like a panoramic view. Swallowing Servant looked down, feeling his heart speed up.

“Self defense?” His voice sounded high, “Why would I need that?”

“Uh… what?” Souda’s voice filled the room with confusion, painting every crevice, “You… you mentioned Towa City so I just thought it was obvious… but if you don’t know…”

Know what? Servant lifted his head and opened his mouth. Right as the question started to come off his lips, Hinata walked out, holding two steaming plates. Servant jolted, distancing himself from Souda as Hinata wedged between them to set the plates down. On the plates, besides perfectly golden brown toast, was fruit, a filet of salmon, and a poached egg. Again, the presentation was gorgeous.

“Ah Hajime thank you!” Souda immediately descended onto the plate, “You’re the best.”

“I figured you’d want to eat something as well.” Hinata smiled, “I’ll be back with drinks, just sit tight.”

Souda called something that sounded like a ‘thank you’. It was hard to tell with his mouth half full of food. Turning to his plate, Servant picked up the fork and began to eat. Hinata returned a moment later with a mug of coffee for Souda and a glass of milk for him.

“Aren’t you going to eat something?” Souda’s words were easier to understand, though Servant didn’t want to see him talk for the rest of the meal.

“Already did.” Hinata replied.

“No, I saw you get fruit this morning.” Souda wrinkled his nose, “Fruit. Like… that’s not a meal that’s a snack. Go get yourself something to eat.”

“I’m perfectly fine.” Hinata replied.

“I don’t think I’m letting you decide.” Souda shot back, “Now go, get something to eat.”

Hinata gave one last glance before he stood up and walked back to the kitchen. Servant poked a perfectly cut cube of melon and chewed. The moment Hinata was out of sight, Souda leaned closer and lightly tugged him down.

“Ok, look. I’m sure Hajime will get mad at me for asking this, but I don’t care.”

Servant felt his heart jolt. Souda was going to tell him something? He glanced at the kitchen. What if Hinata would return before Souda finished? Souda rolled his eyes as if in response.

“You saw Towa City in your dream, right?”

“Yes?” Servant blinked. This wasn’t what he was expecting.

“Just listen.” Souda muttered, “I want to ask you what you saw.”

What he saw? Servant tried to sort through his mind, but the dream, the one about Towa City felt like an imprint in his mind. There wasn’t anything solid on it, just a smudge in his mind to tell him he dreamt it.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember…”

“Are you sure?” Souda pushed, “I just want to know what I was…” His complexion paled.

Souda pulled away and began to eat loudly. Servant quickly grabbed a piece of toast and began to munch. Hinata sat down to his right a moment later. Servant felt a shiver run down his spine. How was Hinata so quiet? He didn’t hear anything and how did Souda know when Hinata was coming back? The cut off sentence swirled in his mind, desperate to be completed, latching onto his brain, and slowly chewing away at his processing power. However, Hinata was still around. Servant forced the conversation away and continued to eat. Later. He’d ask Souda later.

To his disappointment, Souda left right after the meal, giving a jaunty wave as he bounced down the stairs. Hinata waved him good bye before gathering the dishes. Servant started to help, staring at the plate. He could carry his plate if he was careful. It probably meant he would have to use his right hand to carry the plate for the best stability…

“You don’t have to help,” Hinata protested. “You’re free to do what you want.”

Free to do what he wanted? Did that mean… “You’re not going to join me?”

Hinata raised an eyebrow, “I can, if you want?”

Servant felt his stomach twist. If he said no it would be the first time he was truly somewhere without Hinata and he had questions for Souda… perhaps if he was lucky he could find him.

“No, no it’s fine.” Servant gave a smile, “I’ll just stick around the area. Don’t worry too much.”

“Ah, yes, one moment.” Hinata lifted his hand, “I almost forgot.”

He raced back to the kitchen. Servant didn’t have the time to question. Hinata returned with a pencil and paper. Setting it down he started to sketch. Servant stared. His sketch was… amazing… the lines, the shading… slowly turned into a map. Hinata smiled and passed it to him. Servant stared. He wouldn’t be able to do this even if he was given an hour.

“I made a map of the first island.” Hinata pointed, “We’re here. The bridge leads to the central island. There you can see the park and access the other islands.”

The words “Electric Ave” stood out to him. Servant knew it was a good bet to find Souda there, but it was all the way on the third island. Komaeda knew with his recovery still in progress he wouldn’t make it in a decent time.

“I promise I’ll just stay here.” Servant decided, “Maybe the central island to see the park but no where else.”

Hinata smiled, “Thank you. Have fun.”

Folding the map, Servant nodded, “See you later.”

~

He ended up at the beach. Servant stared at the expanse of ocean in front of him. It felt endless, like there couldn’t possibly be anything else out there.  To the side, he saw a bit of the other islands, but besides those, nothing. The sun was out in full force and while it was warming, it also left him a bit dizzy. Walking to the nearest palm tree he leaned against it, savouring the shade. He’d return to his cottage after.

The first island was mainly uninteresting with an airport, a goods store, and a ranch. The ranch offered a bit of interest, making him wonder why there was a ranch without any animals, but that wasn’t too important. The beach was the last thing for him to see and Servant was grateful. A breeze picked up carrying salt and brine. Servant smiled and inhaled. The water looked good, but he wasn’t about to try swimming. His recovery aside, he wasn’t sure dunking his arm into an ocean would be a good idea. Baths and showers were fine (according to Hinata and Souda), but salt and his arm… not good.

“I didn’t expect you here.”

Souda walked up, nudging him until they both were leaning against the same tree. “It took me forever to find you and not run into Hinata. I swear he’s everywhere.”

“Does this mean he’ll show up?” Servant asked, glancing around.

“No. I reminded him of the computer room and the others. The look he gave me…” Souda sighed, “He really was focused on you.”

Him? Servant felt a bit of a flutter in his heart, though he wasn’t sure why.

“I wanted to ask,” Souda continued, “About Towa City…”

“I’m sorry.” Servant cut him off, “I don’t remember the dream. Which is what I wanted to ask you.”

“Ask me?” Souda looked at him.

“You remember Towa City.” Servant told him, “Why are you so adamant? Don’t you remember it?”

Souda shifted and looked down. Servant felt his heart sink. Was Souda also not going to answer him too?

“I do.” Souda finally said, “I was just curious to what you saw.”

What he saw? Servant felt his heart leap a bit. Souda… remembered? If he was careful, he could probably get some answers out of Souda.

“I’m sorry.” Servant repeated, “I honestly don’t remember.”

“Okay.” Souda nodded, standing straight, brushing his jumpsuit off. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

“Wait.” Servant stood up and reached for him, “What happened? Tell me.”

Souda blinked and sighed, rubbing his hair, “I suppose it would be rather strange of me to deny you an answer after breakfast.” He took a deep breath, “I visited you in Towa City and you showed me around. It was…” Souda swallowed, “not good.”

“Not good?” Servant asked, “For us?”

A laugh erupted from Souda’s lips and he smiled a bit, the ends tilting down, “I guess so… but I mean not good for everything. The City. The people trapped there and I suppose us too.”

Servant felt a stab in his brain and his stomach knot into a ball. The dream from earlier, the one with Kamukura. The city was destroyed, like many explosions and fighting had occurred. Was Souda implying…?

“Towa City is destroyed too?” He asked.

“Too?” Souda turned, “You saw the mainland huh?” He smiled again but his smile was a bit lighter than the last one.

“Is that why we’re on this island?” Servant pushed, “because the mainland is destroyed?”

The smile dropped from Souda’s face. Despite the sun that filtered through Servant felt a bit of a shiver run down his spine. It warmed him to his toes and made the knot his stomach was twisting. Slowly a smile filled his face, one that Servant couldn’t control. Something was burning inside of him. He should run away, try to get rid of it. Instead he let it burn as he waited for Souda’s answer.

“…something like that.” Souda vaguely said, “I better get going. You…” He paused, “Be careful.”

Be careful? Servant cocked his head, but it was too late. Souda was gone.

~

Hajime stared at the pods, watching the blinking lights, all indicating stability. In his heart, he felt a simultaneous flutter and sinking, like a diver performing elaborate twirls in the air before hitting the water, sinking from the force, before coming back to the surface, buoyancy helping them swim back to the edge.

Sighing Hajime walked over, letting his fingers graze the capsules. Everyone looked peaceful, like a princess caught in a spell. They had to wake up. Hajime turned and looked at the small row of laptops he had running in the corner. His program was almost in the final stages but would it work? He rubbed his head. There was no way he or any one who was awake could re-enter the program. Their best bet was the send something else in something acting for them.

It was their best bet. Besides Komaeda, who probably woke up due to his unforeseen luck, the chances of just sitting around and waiting for everyone to wake up was low. They couldn’t just sit around and do nothing.

With a firm nod, Hajime returned to the laptops, ignoring the guilt at leaving the work unattended (despite the fact he was helping Komaeda, which was good), and sat down, resuming his work.

~

His shoulders were stiff as well as his legs, but Servant couldn’t feel happier. Flopping onto his bed, he inhaled the smell of cotton and the ocean. Freedom was great, even if his mobility was limited.

The conversation with Souda floated in his brain, turning around ideas. Rolling over Servant glanced at his window. Sunlight filtered in, golden and warm, hinting at the sunset. The serenity of the island made the vision of the mainland destroyed seem impossible. How could something like that happen? And more importantly, who caused it? The events felt like something out of a comic or movie. Was it true? He didn’t know. Servant closed his eyes. He could worry about answers later. Perhaps, when he saw Hinata next, he could request the rest of the files on their time in the Neo World Program.

~

_Everyone shone so brightly. Kuzuryuu. Pekoyama. Souda. Sonia. Owari… everyone… Their light filled the room, swirling into every crevice and corner. Being around them felt overwhelming, like standing beside the sun. Servant felt a smile, a full warm one fill his face as he stared from the entrance to the classroom. Their talents, their abilities, they filled the air with hope, with something only a select few could._

_A small chuckle filled his throat. He shouldn’t be here, be standing in their presence. Why no one had noticed him and called him out like the stain on their class was beyond him, but it didn’t matter. He could go unnoticed, circle around them, and soak up the warmth of their talents, of their hope._

_It was ~~never~~ enough for him._

~

His shoulders were stiff and his legs ached a bit from sitting. Hajime stretched and glanced at the night sky. A cool breeze blew past him, but it was welcomed. Taking it in, Hajime crossed the bridge and walked towards the hotel, the minimal lights dancing in the distance. It truly was amazing to see how dark the world got at night. Without street lamps, the darkness seemed to be its own entity, a mist that engulfed the area.

Walking into the hotel, Hajime headed to the restaurant. He wasn’t too hungry, despite last eating late in the morning, but if he waited too long he’d wake up and regret it.

The restaurant was mainly empty, except for Sonia, who sat at a table, hands curled around a cup of something warm. Making sure to alert her of his presence, Hajime loudly scuffed his feet against the floor.

“Good evening.” Hajime greeted, “I was just going to get something to eat. May I join you?”

Sonia turned. Her cheeks were a bit puffy and the skin red. Her eyes were downcast and clouded, like a storm slowly retreating. Her fingers trembled against the cup and Hajime saw how red her hands also were. The redness extended up her wrists, hiding in a shrug she was wearing. Hajime felt small alarms go off in his mind. Setting his desire for a quick snack aside, he walked over to her, sitting down across the table.

“You’ve been crying.” He gently said, taking the situation up front. “How are you feeling Sonia?”

She let out a small wheeze and shook her head, “I’m… I feel so foolish.” Her voice cracked a bit, “I…” Sonia started to rub her hands together, “I just thought… maybe I could try a proper bath this time…”

That explained it. Hajime gently grabbed her hand, stopping her from rubbing her skin raw. “You’re not foolish.” He firmly said, “You’re healing.”

“I felt like I was.” Sonia softly said, “I thought it was better. I filled tubs and just let them sit. I stared at them for hours… but the moment I tried to step into it…”

A shiver ran down her body, curling her fingers into his. Hajime gently took his other hand and rubbed her shoulders, “As cheesy as it is, it’s in the past. We can’t get rid of it but… we have to live with it but, we can’t chase it.”

Sonia’s mouth twitched, “Wise words Hinata. I just… I can’t stop seeing it… I saw the blood in the tub…”

“It wasn’t blood.” Hajime firmly corrected her.

Her eyes widened and Sonia bent over, inhaling deeply. She shut her eyes and laughed a bit, “Right… not blood…it wasn’t blood…” Her voice cracked again and she stared to cry between her laughter, “It wasn’t blood. It wasn’t blood…”

Hajime continued to rub her arm as she voiced her realization over and over. When her voice died he gently pried his hand out of her grip and stood up.

“I’m going to make us a cup of tea,” He informed her, “and a snack.”

Sonia clutched her shrug, pulling it around her body, “Ok. Thank you, Hinata.”

~

Servant woke up, the dream sticking to his mind. A smile filled his face. Everyone had looked so happy, so alive; the people who were awake and the people who were still in the Program... they all mixed in his mind warmly and brightly. Their talents… their hope… and all he had was a Luck Cycle. Servant chuckled and rested his hand over his eyes. Hinata was surprisingly not in his dream. It meant something, but he wasn’t sure.

A knock echoed on his door, Hinata’s voice calling out to him. Servant waited and heard the door unlock, open, and Hinata step inside. Turning his head, he watched as Hinata walked over. A tray balanced in his hands.

“I brought breakfast.”

Servant raised an eyebrow, “Breakfast? That’s cute. Very domestic.”

Hinata laughed, “I’ll set it here.”

He set it on the small night stand before walking over to the desk in the corner. Picking the chair up he sat down beside the bed. Servant sat up and grabbed the tray, putting it on his lap. The breakfast was simple, though he noted a rather large stack of toast.

“That’s a lot of toast.” He pointed out.

“Sonia and Kazuichi aren’t up yet.” Hinata replied, “I didn’t want it to sit out, so I brought it here. Eat what you can.”

“Okay.” Servant picked up the toast, “I had a dream.” He offered as he bit into a corner.

“A dream?” Hinata asked.

“I saw everyone… well minus you. They were in a classroom, happy and bright. I just watched and felt their talents and hope shine.” Servant smiled and felt his heart lift a bit, “It was so overwhelming considering my meager talent.”

Hinata hummed, “We’re not defined by our talents. You’re able to do what you want. I wouldn’t put you down like that.”

Servant felt a warm flutter in his chest, but he shook it off. Hinata’s words were kind but… wrong. “That’s nice of you Hinata, but my Luck is both the best and worse thing about me.”

“I disagree.” Hinata calmly said, “Your luck isn’t the sole definer of your personality.”

How did Hinata not see it? Servant shook his head but didn’t say anything. Chewing on the toast he glanced at Hinata. It was easy for someone like him to say that. Someone who was seemingly good at everything. Servant had yet to find something Hinata couldn’t do. It felt like he could take any task and do it with stride.

“Anyways, I have something for you.” Hinata dug into his pocket and pulled out a small, square button with a chain that looked like it could dangle from a keychain, “This is a pager. It’s essentially an alarm. If you’re in trouble or need help, just press it. I’ll be signalled. Kazuichi finished it.”

Servant took the button and examined it, “Isn’t this like a lifeline button old folks get?”

Hinata stifled a laugh, “Kazuichi said the same thing when I asked him to make this. Basically… yes… Kazuichi said he’ll make an upgraded version for everyone later.”

“So, everyone has one?” Servant asked.

“Just us for now.” Hinata replied.

“Us?” Servant set the button down, “But what if you’re asleep and I need your help?”

Hinata shrugged, “I’ll wake up and come help you.”

Just him? That was a lot for Hinata to take on. It was also something Hinata had been doing sine day one. How was everyone just letting him do it? Sure, the others occasionally saw him, but Hinata maintained everything.

“You’re going to run yourself to the ground.”

Hinata’s eyes flashed and Servant froze. The red eye, the one Hinata had stopped covering, made the gaze chilling. Even the air seemed to drop a few degrees.

“I got this.” Hinata dropped the gaze. Servant exhaled. “Don’t worry.” He then pulled a file out and set it on the bed, “For you.”

The room felt warm again. Servant picked up the file, “Trial Four?”

“Yes.” Hinata nodded, “I’ll leave that with you.”

He stood up. Servant dropped the file, “You’re going?”

“Yes.” Hinata rubbed his head. “By the way, I’m going to make everyone dinner tonight. We’d be happy if you joined us.”

Joined them? Servant nodded as his mouth stretched a bit, “Okay. What time?”

“Six.” Hinata replied, “I’ll see you later then.”

~

After breakfast, he immediately began to read the file. The Trial was extremely complex, the crime centered around the architecture of the Funhouse. Servant had to re-read several things before he reached the end. As he reached the end, something in his brain went off. There was something missing in the file… Servant flipped through the Trial and scanned. No, it wasn’t in the Trial. He went back to the beginning and carefully re-read. Evidence… evidence… wait… Final Dead Room? He stopped, his fingers brushing the words. Was there something with the room? He read the notes that explained the room, how if someone survived a life or death trial they’d get a prize. Clearly the murderer used the knowledge to his advantage… but the file claimed, no one else went into the room.

Yet Servant felt his throat dry out. That felt wrong. Did Hinata or whoever made the file leave something out? No… that wasn’t possible, was it? If so, why? Was there something so secretive that it was left out? Did that mean all the other files had things left out? Servant shook his head. He hadn’t felt this when Hinata went over the files in the hospital. There was something wrong with Trial Four’s file and it left a cold shiver down his spine.

~

Hajime’s finger hovered over the enter key. He had triple, no quadruple checked the program. It should work. There was nothing wrong. It would be fine. He couldn’t hesitate and wait any longer. His heart felt like it was going to pump out of his chest, bloody and messy. He took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. This would work. He couldn’t sit on lofty “what ifs” any longer.

He hit the enter button and watched as his program started up upload into the system. Shutting his eyes, he muttered a quick prayer that it would work. Who the prayer was for, Hajime wasn’t sure.

The bar dinged. One hundred percent done. File completely uploaded.

~

Making sure the file was tucked back properly, Servant left his cottage, heart heavy with more questions and concerns that were going unanswered. Should he bring this up to Hinata? Was it possible Hinata had excluded files on purpose? If he called him out, would it make him suspicious or was it just him over thinking? The questions piled on top of his concerns about why they were on the island and what happened to the mainland. The weight threatened to topple over and Servant felt like his mind would follow if he didn’t get answers soon. Being kept in the dark was annoying. What was Hinata and the others waiting for? Was the reason they were in the Neo World Program so bad?

He stewed in his questions even after he reached the restaurant. Stepping inside he was greeted with Kuzuryuu and Souda chatting at the table. Owari was laughing as Sonia’s hands moved, caught in a tale. His heart froze. It was like his dream, where everyone was happy and he was merely an outsider looking in. The hope he saw, the brightness nearly overwhelmed him in person. Was this what he experienced in his dream?

“Hey, Servant, you’re just standing there.” Owari had bounced over, “Haji is cooking up a storm. Said we aren’t to distract him.” She pouted before reaching forward, “Hey, are you crying?”

He was crying? Servant reached up and touched his face, feeling water. He laughed, “Oh it’s just… I saw your Hope and it… it’s so bright. Much brighter than in my dream.”

As soon as the words left his mouth he felt a blush fill his face. Owari, however, shook her head, smiling widely, “Classic. It’s kind of funny. I missed your little Hope speeches.”

His… Hope speeches?

“Only a bit.” She quickly said, “Sometimes you went… a little too far…” She cut herself off and grabbed his hand, “Never mind that. Come in, join us. We got a bit of time before Haji serves dinner.”

Servant couldn’t stop her from dragging him towards the table. As they approached Kuzuryuu and Souda looked up, eyes light as Owari plopped him down. A warmth filled Servant and he wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to cry again. This… this had to be Hope. It was marvelous.

~

Dinner went well, everyone was there. Hajime considered it a success, especially seeing Owari eat a plateful. Snuggling into his bed, Hajime let the day fly pass his mind: The Program was uploaded and hopefully working, Komaeda came for dinner, and for a moment, everyone was happy. His heart ached and despite the aches and exhaust that came from every day, he was happy. Closing his eyes, Hajime drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Easter Eggs: I love the pastels of Easter Eggs and I wish I had the time (and desire to eat a lot of hard-boiled eggs) to always colour my eggs.
> 
> Master Key: Hajime is clearly the one who should be in charge of such a powerful item.
> 
> Kamukura and Servant: It's a headcanon that Liarde and I share that Komaeda spent time with Kamukura before we see their little flashback in the boat. I know it's more HC than lore like, but that's what I'm writing for this.
> 
> Dolls: I'd like to take a moment to inform everyone here that I'm absolutely -terrified- of dolls, particularly porcelain ones. That still doesn't stop me from foolishly watching Top lists about Creepy Dolls or what not.
> 
> Self Defense Arm: I mean... come on having a metal arm is practically -begging- to have cool things...
> 
> Sonia: My headcanon for Sonia in Despair (I think I mentioned this in another note in another fic) is of a historical serial killer who killed young girls. One thing she did was (apparently) bathe in their blood, believing it would keep her young. I think that's delightfully dark and fairy tale like.
> 
> Chase the dream: References are fun, though I should make them more subtle, right?


	5. Cracking and Chipping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahaha... ahahahaha.... I write like... 12k words for a chapter... and I DIDN'T GET TO THE REQUEST. LOL My story so far only had lead up to my ACTUAL SUMMARY... oh god... ahahaha...
> 
> Um... so... yeah... I thought about it... and I really couldn't get to the Request now... it would be rushed and I don't want that. I know exactly how to get there... just give me another chapter... I promise I'll get to the Request next time. Sorry for taking so long with this... I... watched all of Jessica Jones within 24 hours this weekend and I got zero regrets.
> 
> So, anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter... I had a lot of fun writing it and extra long chapters are always great to have... right? LOL I think so...
> 
> Anyways... as always, feel free to leave a kudos or a comment. They always make me smile!
> 
> PS: Trigger Warning: slight suicidal thoughts. It is near the end.

Servant woke up when the sun started to stream through the blinds. Yawning he sat up and immediately grabbed the file containing Trial Four. Opening it, he scanned carefully, reading each word. As he got closer to the end the twisting in his mind, telling him there was something wrong returned. His brain kept picking at the problem, sensing not all was right with the document. As much as Servant wished he could ignore it, the part of his brain that urged him to complete the mystery, to fill in the blanks ate slowly at his brain. The questions he had thought before were rushing back to him and Servant couldn’t stay silent.

There was no way around it; he would have to ask Hinata. His stomach churned at the idea and Servant shut his eyes. Asking Hinata felt like a bad move. Hinata was already hiding information. Even when he outright asked before, all he got was silence. Yet a small voice reminded him, Hinata did show his red eye. Was that a sign that Hinata wasn’t going to hide things anymore? Or was it just bait? Something to lure him into a false sense of security? The eye was insignificant when compared to information missing from a Trial.

The door opened and Servant nearly dropped the file. Hinata poked his head in and waved, “Good morning Servant.”

Servant pushed his thoughts away, “Good morning Hinata.”

“Sorry, I promise I’ll stop doing these check ups every morning.” Hinata gave a sheepish smile, “You’ve been recovering so well that I’m quite pleased.”

“Right…” Servant gripped the file tighter, “Say… Hinata…”

“Ah, this won’t take long.” Hinata cut him off, “Just a check up on your vitals and…”

“No, I have…”

“I’m just going to wash my hands and…” Hinata started to turn around.

“Hinata!” Servant raised his voice, “Please… just… I got a question.”

Hinata turned back, his face blank, “Yes?”

Servant swallowed. Hinata’s gaze was leveling. It was likeServant had called out to him when clearly, he shouldn’t have. It was heart twisting. Servant felt a hot flush fill his face, but he looked Hinata in the eyes. Avoiding it wasn’t going to solve anything.

“I read the file.” Servant’s voice came out even, “There is something missing. With the Final Dead Room’s section.”

It was instant, but Servant saw it; Hinata’s eyes flashed slightly before his face returned to a blank state, “There is? If you’re wondering what’s in the Final Dead Room I think we have a transcript of what Tanaka said…”

“No. It’s not him.” Servant shoved Hinata’s explanation, “I can’t quite put my finger on it but I know something is missing.”

“I’m not sure I can help if you’re not sure what you’re looking for.” Hinata shrugged.

His words shut Servant’s mouth. It was true; he didn’t have solid evidence and was relying on a feeling… but Hinata’s avoidance felt like further proof. Something burning filled him. This dancing around whatever Hinata was hiding, he had a right to know. Squaring his shoulders Servant tried to shove the burning away. Snapping at Hinata was not the way.

“I just want to know what was in the Final Dead Room.” Servant carefully restated.

There it was. Hinata shuffled again, “I’m not sure. The only person who went inside was Tanaka. I’ll get a copy of his transcript. Now, let’s do that check up.”

The subject was officially dropped. Servant opened his mouth but shut it immediately. There was no way he’d get anything out of Hinata without something solid to back him up. Nodding numbly, he waited as Hinata went to wash his hands before returning for the check up.

~

Hajime hated the lies spewing from his lips, but it was the best action. Komaeda’s questions had… thrown his mind into lock down mode. Defense was on alert as he stilled his reaction. How did Komaeda figure that out? Taking out all references to Komaeda’s journey to the room was the best option. In there Komaeda had learned the truth about their circumstances. And based upon the Trial Five, Komaeda’s reaction hadn’t been favourable in the Program. Any hint towards him learning something and his recovery could be jeopardized. The small, voice of reason, nagged in his brain, calculating, reminding him of the last time he hid something from Komaeda. Another argument was not what he wanted and Hajime was sailing on borrowed time. Komaeda would remember soon and he’d have to make a choice. He could tell Komaeda pieces of the truth, or he could say nothing and let Komaeda remember on his own. Both were a risk to Komaeda’s recovery. The tidbits Hajime had seen from Komaeda simply waking up were alarming. What if he acted like that twenty-four seven? The only question remaining was, did he consider Komaeda’s trust something worth taking a risk?

He wanted to say yes, but Hajime’s brain revolted and he knew, deep down, he was unsure of the answer. Hajime scowled. He had everything in his brain and yet he couldn’t figure out the best solution? It appeared he needed a meeting with the others, to hopefully hear a different view.

~

It felt like a routine: gather everyone into a semi-private spot, start the meeting about something, hope for the best. Hajime had specifically chosen the diner on the second island, hoping that Komaeda’s recovery would keep him from walking over.

Everyone was already there by the time Hajime walked in. He barely sat down when Souda leaned forward, mouth opening.

“Just tell him something.” Souda burst before Hajime got a word in.

“What?” Hajime asked.

“Yeah, Hajiji hasn’t said anything yet.” Owari said.

“Well I guessed and I think you should tell him.” Souda pressed, “Look, he’s already curious and if we’re going to be honest here, I should tell you I asked him about Towa City.”

He did what? Hajime glared at Souda, who glared back, “What did you tell him?”

“I just wanted to know what he remembered after that one time in the hospital.” Souda admitted, “I didn’t say a word about anything sensitive.”

Kuzuryuu barely cracked an eye open as he leaned against the bar’s counter, balancing on the stool, “You asked about Towa City? And nothing from him? Not even a slightest hint he remembers those brats?”

“Nothing.” Souda confirmed, “The only thing he asked was if we were on this island because the mainland was destroyed.”

“Did you answer him?” Owari asked.

Hajime sighed and rubbed his forehead, “Does it matter? I have been trying to ease Komaeda back.”

“Hinata.” Sonia tapped the table with her hand, “Let Souda answer.”

His eyes widened, but Sonia shot a look. Hajime shut his mouth, holding back a sigh.

Souda shot Hajime a wide grin, “I just told him it was something like that and then told him to be careful.”

“I know this is a challenge for you.” Sonia addressed him gently, “You’ve been working very hard and are concerned over Komaeda’s health. Still, you are conflicted, other wise you wouldn’t have asked us to meet with you.”

“Yeah and I said you should just tell him.” Souda added.

“Hate to break it Haiji,” Owari slung an arm around his shoulders, “but I think keeping this will only backfire. He’s going to want to see the rest of the files, since it clearly didn’t stop after the fourth trial.”

“Please Hinata,” Sonia looked him in the eyes, “Just tell us what you’re thinking.”

“I just…” Hajime carefully chose his words, “I’m just worried if he remembers too soon it will set his recovery back too much. He’s only just starting to walk again. Remembering could make him hurt himself or others.”

Silence filled the diner. Kuzuryuu broke it by standing up and walking over. His polished shoes tapped against the tile of the floor as he stopped and set his hand on Hajime’s shoulder. Looking up Hajime stared at Kuzuryuu’s face. The eyepatch made him look intimidating, despite his stature. Smacking Hajime’s shoulder roughly Kuzuryuu stuffed his hands into his pant’s pockets.

“Look, I know you’re the one who’s basically caring for Komaeda, so I don’t think I can tell you exactly what to do. I just think,” Kuzuryuu took a deep breath, “The shock of remembering is just as bad as easing into it. There is no good way to do this.”

The shock of remembering… Hajime closed his eyes. Everyone thought he should tell Komaeda.

“Besides Hajime, we’re all recovering. Using that as an excuse is flimsy.” Kuzuryuu added.

 

A small, logical part of his brain echoed Kuzuryuu’s sentiment. Hajime was only delaying the inevitable and was acting irrationally. Hearing everyone else echo the sentiment made it feel tangible. Komaeda would remember either way yet Hajime bit his lip.

“Look, we’re not trying to tell you what to do.” Kuzuryuu said, “You just asked for our opinions and… well here they are.”

“We know you’ll make the right choice.” Sonia added, “Just consider our thoughts too.”

“Besides, even if you try to keep things from Komaeda, he’ll just come to us.” Souda added.

Hajime winced. “I… I know you’re right. I’ll… consider it. Thank you for your time.”

~

The beach really was peaceful. Servant stared. Morning was still lingering in the sky and it was warm. Later, he’d move. Servant closed his eyes. He wished that he could walk further and not get winded only after ten or so minutes. The cane Hinata had given him was useful, but it still felt like recovery was slow.

After he had left his cottage, Servant went to the restaurant, only to find no one there. It was to be expected. There were only a few of them and in a way, Servant relished the silence and the freedom. Getting his own food felt like an accomplishment and walking around on his own felt like he was recovering.

Opening his eyes, he smiled and stared out at the ocean. Souda’s words floated to the top of his mind. The mainland was destroyed. Servant knew this as a fact. His dream, the one with Kamukura and Souda’s words confirmed it. The lingering questions of their circumstances and the Neo World Program were slowly rotting in his mind.

He shouldn’t have let Hinata get away with half-assed answers. Hinata was clearly lying. He… had to call him out. This dancing from the answers couldn’t continue. What did Hinata want? Him to wait until the memories came back naturally? What if they never did? Didn’t he have a right to know? Suddenly the beach felt less calm and peaceful. Servant scowled and started to stand up but saw Hinata.

Hinata walked up to him and stopped just a bit away. Hands were clasped behind his back. With a deep breath, Hinata gracefully sat down, so close their fingers brushed a bit. Servant turned his gaze, like staring at Hinata would make him lose in a silent contest.

“I need to apologize.” Hinata calmly started, “I’ve been less than truthful to you.”

He was just saying it? And so, calm too? Anger coldly welled up, but he shoved that aside. Poking Hinata could sabotage this stroke of fortune.

Still, Servant couldn’t stop from snorting and rolling his eyes, “Shocker.”

“I didn’t…” Hinata stopped, “I think anything I try to tell you will sound like an excuse.”

“Yeah, it will.” Servant jabbed, letting it slip from is mouth.

“I’ll tell as much as I can.” Hinata took a deep breath, “You’re right about Trial Four. There was something missing in the file.”

Servant nearly jumped up. He was right? Hinata had lied to him that morning. He scowled. Words, acidic and sharp wanted to pierce the air but he wasn’t going to screw this up. Even if Hinata deserved it.

“You went to the Final Dead Room.” Hinata said. “I’m not sure what you did there, but you too discovered the trick to the murder. You also found a file about Hope’s Peak Academy.”

A file on a school? Servant felt his brain twitch. No, not just a school his school. “My school?”

“Yes. On the Killing Game that happened.” Hinata bitterly muttered, “Sort of like the Trials in the Program, there was another class that experienced murders and trials at the school. You found the files on all the cases and trials there.”

Servant waited, but Hinata said nothing else. So, the information was only about him going into the Final Dead Room and finding a file on Hope’s Peak where more killings took place? That was what Hinata was hiding from him? It felt anti climatic. There was no shocking revelation in his heart. It felt dull and grey.

“That’s it?” Servant asked, “That was what you kept secret from me?”

“Yes?” Hinata gave a look, “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to mention Hope’s Peak. The killings there weren’t pleasant either.”

“You know of the killings?” Servant asked.

“It’s in another file.” Hinata replied, “I could get it for you.”

That was surprisingly refreshing, some honesty. However, Servant shook his head. He’d finish the files on the Neo World Program. If he was correct the next file would be his death… Servant swallowed. No matter what, he had to read it.

“I think after I finish the Neo World Program files.” Servant replied.

Hinata shook his head and stood up, “Are you sure? Your death wasn’t pretty.”

“I think I can handle it.” Servant replied, “It’s nice to think of my feelings but I’ll be the judge of that.”

“…very well.” Hinata said with an ease that nearly made Servant gasp, “I’ll deliver the files to you later today.”

He would huh? Servant’s eyes narrowed, “No editing anything out this time.”

Hinata paused for a moment and Servant readied himself for a yelling match. He wouldn’t dare… Hinata had no right to tell him he couldn’t read his own death. That would be…

“Okay. I won’t.” Hinata said softly, “I promise.”

“You do?” Servant blinked.

Hinata turned, “Yes. I do.”

~

It felt like a gamble, one that Hajime couldn’t control. His words to Komaeda felt foolish, deadly. The file, just given to him without any control over what was inside. Hajime swallowed as he walked over to the library. Focusing, Hajime went over the file, already memorized what was in every row. There was nothing about Ultimate Despair in there just Future Foundation. That wouldn’t trigger anything. He hoped. Komaeda sort of ran into Future Foundation twice. Once, with Komaru and Fukawa and the second time when Naegi shipped them over for the Program. It would be fine, he hoped.

Walking inside the library without the broken statues was always a bit jarring, but Hajime was thankful. Heading over to the shelf, Hajime grabbed the file and opened it, sitting down at the nearest table. It had been a while and he thickly swallowed and skipped the pictures. He didn’t want to see Komaeda’s dead body.

Carefully he scanned the investigation part and the Trial. Nothing on Ultimate Despair. Still, the trial alone was hard to read. He could take out the evidence part. Shutting it with a deep breath, Hajime stood up, fingers twitching. He promised not to edit anything; he would be honest.

Still it was better to be safe than sorry. Hajime took the file and walked over to the pharmacy. With ease, he navigated through the small bottles of glass, locating the one he wanted. It wasn’t too strong, but it could give him a few hours. Taking the bottle made him feel like he was giving up on Komaeda, but preventive measures were best taken. It was better to be prepared, then resort to a struggle.

~

The file sat on his desk, Trial Four’s file already gone. Servant hobbled over and grabbed it, sitting on his bed. The file felt fat and the papers neatly in there and Hinata promised but he could have lied. Servant swung his legs onto the bed and started reading the file.

He nearly dropped the papers when he saw the picture. Squeezing his eyes Servant wished it wasn’t already imprinted on his brain, but he saw the spear and the look on his face. He turned the page and began to read the words. He felt a bit like a coward for ignoring the photo but later…

Servant read and read, eyes wide as he read about his gambit… about the set up… he felt his stomach drop as it neared the end showing who technically ‘murdered’ him.

He read until his eyes hurt from reading. Servant fell asleep when his eyes couldn’t stay open any longer.

~

“I finished the file.” Komaeda tossed it across the table.

Hajime picked the file up and looked at him. There was no swirling in the eyes no jilted movements or strange tones in his voice. All was good. He let out a silent stream of air and gave his best smile. Shifting he felt the lump of glass and syringe in his pocket. He ignored it.

“That was fast. I… are you okay?”

Komaeda shuffled and nodded, “I’m fine it was difficult to see the picture… but I read the file.”

And was not doing anything strange. Hajime eyed him. No. It was too early to say anything. He’d had to keep a watch on Komaeda. He could start now.

“Did you eat yet?” Hajime asked.

“No…”

“I’ll get you something.” Hajime offered, “Anything you want. I’ll make it.”

Komaeda stared and shook his head, “No.”

“No? Eating is important to keep yourself healthy. You just got out…”

Komaeda chuckled and Hajime felt his words fall from his lips.

“No, I mean let me help you. In the kitchen with cooking.”

Oh. Hajime felt his face flush, “Sure that would be nice.” And a good chance to keep an eye on him, “Anything particular you want? I’m feeling like pancakes.”

“Pancakes are fine just not too sweet.” Komaeda replied.

“That’s okay. I got a recipe that uses a lot of whole grains. We’ll balance out the sweet with health.”

“Always thinking about our wellbeing.” Komaeda softly said.

Hajime smiled. Walking inside, Hajime started to pull things out of the fridge and set them onto the counter. Komaeda hobbled in and watched, lightly touching some of the herbs drying on the rack. Satisfied that he had pulled enough things out, Hajime turned to Komaeda.

“Wash your hands.”

Komaeda raised an eyebrow and waved his left hand. “This too?”

“Sure.” Hajime shrugged, “It’s a hand, right?”

Komaeda cracked a smile and walked over, carefully washing both of his hands. Hajime handed him a kitchen towel and walked over to the counter, opening the flour.

“No measuring cups?” Komaeda asked, “Or a scale?”

“I…” Hajime blushed, “I can eyeball it.”

“Eyeball it?” Komaeda repeated, “That’s interesting.”

“Right.” Hajime finished with the flour, “Could you grab the blender? We’re going to blend up some flax and oats.”

“Sure. Where is it?”

“Bottom cabinet left of the sink.” Hajime replied.

A moment later Komaeda reappeared with the blender, “This?”

“Perfect. Let’s set that here.” Hajime replied before quickly measuring out the flax and oats. “Mix those until they’re powder.”

The machine went off as Hajime measured out the rest of the dry ingredients. Komaeda silently handed him the powdered grains.

“I’ll start on the wet ingredients,” Komaeda muttered.

“Okay. The butter needs to be melted though. I’ll do that.”

Hajime grabbed the butter and a small bowl, setting it in the microwave. As he waited, he watched Komaeda, carefully cracking the eggs, frowning as he stared at his metal arm. There was no mess though, so Hajime considered it a success. The microwave went off and Hajime returned with the butter.

“I’ll get the milk.”

“Okay.” Komaeda started to mix.

After adding the milk, Hajime went to the dry ingredients and made a well in the middle. “Okay when you’re done let’s pour that in and we’ll just have to mix.”

“Okay. I got this.” Komaeda grabbed the bowl with the wet ingredients.

Nodding Hajime went to the stove and grabbed a pan and extra plate. Turning the heat on a lower setting, Hajime added a bit of butter and evenly coated the bottom. Komaeda appeared as the butter started to bubble, a bowl of evenly mixed batter in his arms.

“Do you want to add anything else?” Hajime asked, “Berries?”

“No… this is fine.”

“Okay.”

Hajime started to pour the batter into a neat circle. “Thank you. Cooking is fun with help.”

“No problem.” Komaeda replied, “I can’t remember the last time I made pancakes.”

“Me neither.” Hajime said, carefully flipping the pancake over, “It’s not an every day thing, but I love pancakes.”

“Wow. A perfect golden brown.” Komaeda stared, “And circle. You’re good. I think I’d burn them.”

“I don’t think so.” Hajime replied, “It’s all timing. Here.” He took the pancake and set it on the plate before pouring the batter and ushering Komaeda over. “Try.”

“Uh…” Komaeda stammered as Hajime shoved the spatula into his hand, “You sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll help.” Hajime said, “Wait until it’s bubbling. Then check the bottom to see if it’s ready to flip and then go.”

Komaeda nodded and stared at the pancake. When it was bubbling he carefully looked. Hajime smiled.

“Yes, that’s it. Flip it.”

Biting his lip Komaeda edged the spatula under and flipped. The pancake flew into the air, like pizza dough being tossed. Komaeda gasped and stepped back, eyes wide. The pancake landed in the pan, a bit of batter spearing on the bottom, leaving a streak, but nothing too damaging.

Komaeda started to laugh, turning to Hajime, “I somehow didn’t screw it up… too badly.”

Hajime smiled, “It’s perfect.”

The moment felt dipped in honey, golden and warm. Hajime leaned back and watched Komaeda take the pancake out and put more batter into the pan. The batter wasn’t in a perfect circle, but Komaeda was still smiling, humming a bit as he worked. Hajime didn’t want the moment to end. For the first time since he had woken up, Komaeda looked at ease, happy. Hajime desperately hoped it would remain for just a bit longer, but he knew it was a useless wish. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Hajime felt the syringe package and small bottle. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to use it.

~

_Despair._

_The word ran rampant through his brain. It was twirling with a sludge hammer as it started to smash everything inside. Walls were reduced to holes in the dry wall, glass scattered along the floor, and chairs thrown around. The tables and desks were broken, wood splinters everywhere._

_Komaeda could only stand there, frozen, watching as Despair moved through to the kitchen, shattering the window, breaking the cabinets, smashing the tap until it was dented and unusable… The fridge was tipped over, on the floor and the stove was next._

_A smile started to fill his face as the scene started to glitch, distorting with lines through it before breaking and dissolving, like a water balloon shot by an arrow in slow motion. The kitchen turned into a destroyed building. The desk and table turned into totalled cars, and the glass and debris on the floor started to become ash and soot, staining his shoes._

_The thick smell of burning and fat filled his nose. Komaeda turned around and saw people, dead, burning as children with Monokuma masks ran through the streets, crow bars and Monokuma robots at their sides._

_He took a deep breath and felt his left hand go numb and then accompanied by dead weight. His hair was longer, messier, and he felt something on his throat, heavy, thick, and cold. Komaeda lifted his hand and touched metal._

_“It’s for you, because you’re just a Servant.”_

_Komaeda turned around. A girl with a low top, short skirt, and blonde pigtails sat on a concrete block, waving her right hand, the garish red nail polish flashing in the light. Her left arm stopped just a bit after the forearm. A wide, almost cheek ripping grin was on her face as cold blue eyes stared at him._

_“Your luck is the worse, you know?” She drawled, “I mean, you’re just a walking menace to everyone, even yourself. You want to control it, don’t you? If you can’t fight the cycle I say you learn how to control it.”_

_Komaeda swallowed, “What do you mean? I’m fine.”_

_“Fine?” She raised an eyebrow, “Are your parents fine? What about that lottery ticket you found? I’m sure that was just finding it on the street, right?”_

_The memories hit him. Komaeda squeezed his eyes shut, “I… I…”_

_“See? Pathetic. Breaking your cycle is impossible, but if you can’t beat it, control it. Control that luck by bringing bad luck to yourself intentionally. That’s what you’ve been waiting for right? Some kind of hope?”_

_Hope? Komaeda’s throat was stuck, like he had swallowed glue. He started to walk forward, stumbling as he did so._

_“But you were never meant to feel hope.” She spat the word out, “But why drag the rest down? If you can’t feel hope, then others can for you, right? Just become Despair and set the world straight. Good luck for bad luck. Hope for Despair.”_

_Hope… had to be felt after a struggle? Was that what she meant? Did she mean that his cycle… the one he couldn’t control… could be? If he experienced only bad… did that mean he could bring good luck to others? Was Despair the answer?_

_Komaeda shook his head, “No… not Despair. I can’t be…”_

_“Can’t?” She stood up, and waved her left arm, “Honey, you’re already Despair. That’s why you took my arm.”_

_Her… arm…? Komaeda looked down. His left arm ended with crude medical staples and an almost greyish hand, a smaller and daintier hand than his… one with red nail polish…_

_Komaeda screamed, feeling his voice push through his throat, ripping everything. Despair. He was Despair… he had done that to himself… he had cut his arm off… he could see it again. The hack saw, the cotton in his mouth, the pain…_

_Falling to his knees Komaeda felt like everything was spiralling away from him. Vision blurred and he could only feel the numbness of his left arm and the cold metal of his chain. A chain… like a slave… or a Servant… a Servant in Ultimate Despair._

_Komaeda screamed as he felt a bit of his identity chip away ever so slightly._

_Enoshima Junko laughed as she faded, her voice echoing into the wind._

~

_A Program? That was their solution? Well, Enoshima had already planned for this. Servant glanced over at Kamukura, who was already lying down. His hand twitched and Servant touched his neck. It felt light without the metal. It felt wrong but Kamukura had told him to change. At least the jacket was longer, warmer but without his chain Servant felt lost. Did that mean Kamukura didn’t want him anymore? His heart stopped and his face paled. No. Kamukura had to want him. He had been so good. Did he do something wrong? He could make it up? Would Kamukura want him to?_

_The thoughts plagued his mind. Servant curled into a ball. He had to know. Carefully he looked over and froze. Kamukura was staring back at him, red eyes dull. To anyone else they wouldn’t know what he was saying but Servant did. Because he knew him so well. Because he was Kamukura’s. He smiled and lay down into the pod, like a good boy._

_Soon he wouldn’t remember any of this. Kamukura. Despair. Towa City. But maybe, his feelings would carry over? It felt cheesy and delusional to think that and to even think Kamukura’s original… personality (Hinata?) would like him but Servant couldn’t worry about that. Kamukura told him to go into the Program and he would like a good boy. Yes, a good boy who didn’t want a punishment._

_He closed his eyes and the next thing he knew he was in a classroom and his name was Komaeda Nagito._

~

Nagito woke up, panting, gasping. He started to cough, like he had inhaled sea water. His head hurt, his mind was swirling and for the first time he felt like he was balancing, along a long, tight rope. There was a chasm in his mind, both sides crumbling. It hurt and every moment he was awake he felt a small voice in his brain, telling him to tumble over the line, fall into the crumbling ruins surrounding the tight rope.

His arm… her arm… the city… Despair… Hope… the Program…his chain… Kamukura… Hinata... it was starkly plastered in his mind, like someone had stapled neon construction paper onto a white wall. Rocking a bit, Nagito wanted the images to go away, to stop smacking him in the face with acidic, slimy words, telling him to topple over. He shoved those away and tried to find a focus, a balance to stabilized himself.

The door opened and Hinata walked in. Nagito glanced up and immediately something cold and dark fill him. His dream ran through his mind, wild and rampant, a smog devouring everything. Ultimate Despair… Hinata… knew… Hinata knew about them being Ultimate Despair about Kamukura. No wait he was Kamukura. That liar. He had sat there and said nothing. Nagito sat up and glared.

“You liar. You’re a goddamn liar Hinata.” Nagito spat out.

“I did what now?” Hinata raised his hands, “I gave you the file, nothing missing I swear.”

“I don’t mean these pieces of worthless paper.” Nagito hissed, “You’ve been keeping things from me, like Ultimate Despair and that you’re Kamukura. I want answers.”

Hinata’s eyes widened and he immediately ran to the bed, “You remember? Shit…” He softly added.

Shit? Shit?? Nagito processed it. Hinata didn’t want him to remember? He had actively tried to not let him remember. Suddenly their conversation about the Final Dead room and his death clicked. He wouldn’t just kill himself for no reason. He had found out about something in the Final Dead room that prompted his death but the files said nothing.

“You didn’t want me to remember?!” Nagito half yelled, “We’re Despair. We destroyed the mainland. I was in Towa City too.”

The pieces. The obvious pieces were slowly fitting in his mind. Why Souda wanted to know about Towa City. The state of his arm. Nagito looked at his arm; he cut his arm off. What did Souda do? What did the rest of them do? What did Hinata no Kamukura do? The room was spinning and Nagito felt his head ache, his chest burn.

“Servant… I need you to take deep breaths. Tell me, what do you remember?”

Oh. That was it. He wasn’t breathing and Servant? His dream hit him. Enoshima… that name… he wanted to throw up but had nothing in his stomach to throw up.

“Don’t call me Servant and I don’t have to tell you jack.” He hissed, air hitting his oxygen deprived blood with a dizzy spell, scrambling away from Hinata, who’s hand was stretching out, “Get away from me Kamukura. You’re a liar and we… we…”

“Komaeda… please… I know it’s tough to remember, but please take deeper breaths…”

“Tough?” Nagito snapped. “Tough? You were Kamukura. You weren’t even in the DRIVER’S SEAT HINATA.” He screamed.

“I’m not Kamukura.” Hinata replied.

Nagito glared, “Bull. Shit. You’re lying even to yourself. Go. Go away NOW.”

“Not until you’ve calmed down a bit.” Hinata firmly replied.

Calmed down? Like a child throwing a tantrum like he was misbehaving. Nagito reached for the file and threw it at Hinata, feeling a small spark of satisfaction when it hit Hinata’s face.

“Get. The. HELL. OUT OF HERE.” Nagito screamed, “I don’t want to see you Kamukura.”

“Komaeda,” Hinata reached over, “please, just listen to me.”

Nagito smacked his hand away, “OR what? You’ll punish me?” Nagito let out a wheezing chuckle, “I don’t care. GET OUT.”

Hinata’s hand dropped and he stared at him for a long moment before sighing, “I’m sorry Komaeda,” Hinata quietly said, “but until I can determine if you’re safe of not I’m going to have to do this. I’m so sorry.”

Do what? Nagito barely had time to ask. Suddenly he felt cold metal against his neck. Hinata pulled the needle away a moment later. Immediately Nagito felt a cold dizziness fill him. He gasped and tried to kick Hinata, but he was already standing up, walking to the door. Closing his eyes Hinata touched the handle before Nagito heard a loud snapping sound. He stared at Hinata opened the door and crumbled the handle into a ball of metal. How he was doing that was beyond him, no wait, he was Kamukura he had abilities.

Nagito stared at the handle and slowly felt his mind slowly click. He suddenly didn’t care how Hinata did it, the handle was crumbled and there was no way for him to turn the door. If Hinata locked it from the outside.

He tried to scramble up despite the drug taking an effect, but the door was already shut, the sound of the lock turning echoed. It was too late. Hinata had locked him in the room. Locked him like a goddamn prisoner.

“HINATA!” Nagito screamed, his tongue feeling like lead, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS.”

“I’m sorry Komaeda.” Hinata’s voice came through the door, “I’ll be back later. I’m sorry.”

Nagito tried to scream for him, but the silence told him that Hinata was gone.

~

His voice was hoarse and Nagito’s throat was aching. The room was blurry and everything felt like a dead weight, useless lumps of muscle and bone. Flopping into the bed, Nagito closed his eyes.

The dream was running on loop. He could only see the destroyed city, Enoshima talking to him, Kamukura in the room. It melted and twisted into a ball of molten metal, crude with jagged, lumpy edges and imperfect folds. The tight rope in his mind wobbled and Nagito felt his mind threaten to plummet to the ground. Memories leaked from the chasm, poisonous gas filling his mind, creating hallucinations of his past.

Towa City was the strongest one. He could see the children and the robots roaming around. He could see a girl with a school uniform talking to him, pain in his legs, the chain on his neck, the glove on his hand. Nagito shoved that away, shoved away the identity he had taken.

_Just become Despair and set the world straight. Good luck for bad luck. Hope for Despair.”_

Nagito shuddered and his throat felt warm, “No… no I’m not Despair… I’m…”

_“It’s for you, because you’re just a Servant.”_

The chain. Nagito tried to grip his neck as he shook his head, “No, no, no. I’m… not…”

His body felt warm and Nagito turned, curling into a ball. Just turning took all his energy and made the room spin violently.

_“See? Pathetic…”_

No. No. No, no, no, no he wasn’t… he wasn’t…

_“Honey, you’re already Despair. That’s why you took my arm.”_

His arm… Nagito squeezed his eyes and ran his fingers over the metal of his arm. It was fine. It was metal… he was fine… he… was fine… it was gone. He wasn’t Despair anymore.

~

Hajime flopped down in his cottage and resisted the urge to scream into his pillow. Everything was spiralling of control. The morning they made pancakes together felt so far away. His paranoia was correct and Hajime couldn’t help but feel he had over reacted. Drugging Komaeda should have been after he showed dangerous signs not distress. It made Hajime feel like his insides were soaked in vinegar and salt. Everything felt shrivelled, preserved.

He should tell the others, tell them that Komaeda remembered being Ultimate Despair and tell them he had drugged Komaeda and left him locked temporarily in the room. Hajime sighed. By the time the drug wore off Komaeda would just break a window and try to crawl out.

There was no time to lay down. He had made a mess of things. Time to work on fixing it.

“All that talent in your brain and you still panic.” Hajime muttered to himself.

Forcing himself out the door Hajime glanced at Komaeda’s cottage. He would be out for a couple of hours. Turning Hajime walked to the restaurant. Glancing in, Hajime spotted Owari and Kuzuryuu sitting at the table. Walking in Hajime lightly touched the table.

“Hajime.” Kuzuryuu greeted before his eyes narrowed, “Something wrong?”

“I,” Hajime forced the words through his lips, “I drugged Komaeda. He uh remembers us being Ultimate Despair. And Kamukura.”

“WHAT?” Kuzuryuu stood up before his brow furrowed, “I guess that’s… I mean he won’t hurt himself now at least.”

“Is he still in his room?” Owari asked, eyes wide.

“Uh yeah. I’m going to check on him now. He wasn’t really happy with me earlier so I expect a yelling match.”

“Do you want us to come with you?” Kuzuryuu asked.

“Uh,” Hajime shook his head, “it’s fine. I best face this by myself.”

Kuzuryuu glared, “I don’t think I worded that correctly. Let us come with you.”

Hajime opened his mouth and closed it. He… didn’t want to argue with Kuzuryuu too. Nodding he turned to Owari, “You too?”

“You betcha!” Owari hit her fist into her palm, “If Komaeda gets violent I’ll sock him.”

“No…” Hajime sighed, “No… socking Komaeda. Please.”

Owari wilted but perked up immediately. She stood up along with Kuzuryuu, who gave Hajime a look.

“Ok… let’s… go check up on Komaeda.” Hajime sighed. Time to get it over with.

~

Nagito heard the door open. Craning his head, he looked as Hinata walked in, along with Kuzuryuu and Owari. Scowling Nagito felt his stomach twist into a molten knot. Hinata never took people with him like he didn’t trust him alone. Though what else did he expect? Clearly Hinata felt he was a hazard now that he remembered. Why else would he drug him and take Kuzuryuu and Owari with him?

“Go away…” Nagito muttered, jaw feeling distantly removed from his control.

“I’m sorry about drugging you earlier.” Hinata softly said, “I panicked a bit.”

“You call drugging me panicking?” Nagito shot back sluggishly.

“I’m sorry.” Hinata repeated, sitting on the bed, “I’d like to know exactly what you remembered.”

Oh. Now he was asking the questions? Nagito glared, even though it felt a bit weak, “No. I’m not telling you.”

Kuzuryuu sighed behind Hinata and stepped up, “Don’t be stubborn. Hajime may have acted irrationally, but remembering Despair isn’t a cake walk. At least now you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“Too late for that.” Nagito muttered, trying to lift his left arm.

“Yeah tell me about it.” Kuzuryuu rolled his eye and touched his eye patch, “When I remembered what I did I nearly clawed the eye out myself. Hajime had to restrain me, leather belts on the wrists and ankles, knocked me out with some sort of surgical drug. He took the eye out for me. Neatly, safely, and with sanitary conditions.”

The eye? Nagito cocked his head. “What?”

“Enoshima’s eye.” Kuzuryuu quietly confirmed. “You weren’t the only one who… took something from her…”

_“Honey, you’re already Despair. That’s why you took my arm.”_

Nagito felt his stomach revolt as Enoshima’s words echoed sickly in his mind. He had to get her out, purge himself of her poison. Coughing he tried to lean over the bed, feeling a woozy, dizzy burn inside of him. Hinata immediately reached out. Nagito felt his arms on his shoulders, accompanied by another set. He tried to look up as he coughed. Owari was on the other side, rubbing his shoulders.

“Servant are you okay?”

Making his arm move was a lot of work, but Nagito managed to bend his arm and smack her hand away or try to. He hit her skin and felt his fingers slide down limply.

“D-Don’t call me… Servant…” He wheezed.

“Oh, okay.” Owari mildly replied, “Sorry Komaeda.”

_“It’s for you, because you’re just a Servant.”_

Her words burned, branded their foul stench in his mind. Nagito twisted and tried to bury her words, expel them. Twisting sharply, he felt Hinata immediately let go and Owari following. Gasping Nagito tried to sit up properly, his hands slipping on the covers. He could feel Hinata hovering beside him. Nagito turned as best as he could and curled so he was facing the headboard, away from them. The angle it left his lower half in was awkward, but he would take it over not seeing them. But all he could see behind his eyes was Enoshima, smiling and waving her arm.

“G-go away.” He muttered, squeezing his eyes, “L-Leave me alone…”

“We came here to…” Kuzuryuu started.

“No. It’s fine.” Hinata cut him off, “I’m sorry Fuyuhiko, Owari, he’s not in any condition to talk. I’ll monitor him. Please tell Sonia and Kazuichi about him. We can try to see if he’ll talk tomorrow. I’m going to stay here and watch over him. Okay?”

Nagito heard Kuzuryuu take in a deep breath before he shuffled out of the room, Owari following. The door shut and silence filled the cottage. A moment passed before Hinata sat down on the bed, the frame creaking with the weight.

“I won’t drug you or ask you anything.” Hinata started, “I’m just going to sit here.”

_“See? Pathetic…”_

 

No, he wasn’t… her voice… Nagito gasped and buried his head into the pillow, desperately hoping the cotton would block out her voice and image. Shutting his eyes, Nagito forced himself to fall asleep.

~

After Komaeda fell asleep Hajime carefully repositioned him, so his legs weren’t awkwardly twisted. Pulling the covers from under Komaeda, Hajime tucked him in before sitting on the bed, sighing. This was a disaster though something good came out of it. Komaeda refused to be called Servant. That had to be a positive. Of course, he wouldn’t know until Komaeda told him what he dreamed but until then Hajime had to look on the positive side. Or at least, try to remain positive.

Hajime could see it all, replaying the scene in his head. The signs were there. Komaeda’s reaction to Kuzuryuu’s eye was telling. He was revolted and Hajime was sure it wasn’t just because of the sharing Kuzuryuu did. After all, Komaeda had taken a bit of Enoshima with him too. Then, there was his insistence to not be called Servant. Hajime sighed. He wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing. Servant was linked directly to Despair and now with Komaeda rejecting the name it felt like it should be a step in the right direction.

Groaning Hajime stood up and walked over to the desk, pulling the chair over. Another sleepless night, same conditions, just a different location.

~

_Visiting Sonia’s country was a change and different. Servant touched the ledge of the window, made completely of stone. The tower he was in was the West Tower and the interior with a fire place, a wooden bed with a large frame, and the carpet all over the floor to make it warmer on the feet was like a fairy tale. Servant remembered old books and movies when he was a child, of princes and princesses in castles. He never thought he’d be in one._

_The door opened. A maid, trembling as she opened the door bowed to him and spoke._

_“K-Komaeda-sama… Her Highness asks for you…” Her Japanese was… passible._

_Servant scowled, “It’s not Komaeda. I’m merely a Servant.”_

_“I-I’m…” She looked up, eyes wide._

_This… talentless, worthless girl… if he told Sonia about the name mix up, the girl would be bleeding out in her tub by the evening. It would be worth it… one less talentless, worthless bug in the world. Of course, when compared to people like Sonia, he was talentless but at least he had something._

_“Tell it to Sonia.” He muttered._

_The blood drained from her face as she trailed after him. Words, a mix of Japanese and Sonia’s native tongue hit his ears. Servant walked down the familiar hallway, past the large paintings on the wall and into Sonia’s drawing room._

_Snacks and tea were laid out along with someone playing the piano. Sonia sat, elegant, with her hair done up in a knot and an almost peach colour dress on. She smiled an award-winning smile and patted the space on the couch beside her._

_“Servant, you made it.” Her voice filled the room with a light melody, “I prepared some Japanese sweets, to make you feel more at home.”_

_Servant jabbed his finger over to the girl, “I got a complaint.”_

_“Oh?” Sonia’s voice was light as she reached to grab her tea cup, “Is it the room? I’m sorry if something is lacking.”_

_“No, not that.” Servant shook his head, “I’d never insult your hospitality. It’s the girl who came to fetch me. She called me Komaeda.”_

_Sonia set her tea cup down, a small frown on her face, “I am most sorry Servant. I didn’t realize my staff was lacking in their manners.” She turned to the girl, “Lilac, was it?”_

_The girl opened her mouth and spoke. Servant watched as Sonia’s smile grew, sweet and a little sharp at the edges. After the girl babbled for a few minutes, the minutes passing with tears gathering in her eyes, Sonia waved her hand and said something to her. The girl nodded and bolted from the room. Sonia turned to him._

_“It won’t happen again. I promise.” She picked her tea cup again, “Now, let’s enjoy tea. Tell me all about Japan and our classmates…”_

_~_

_Later Servant saw the girl, weeping in the courtyard. In the court yard were bodies, all hanging neatly on a tree, dangling like Christmas decorations. She was under a body, holding the hand, sobbing loudly. Servant stared. The body was of a boy, no older than eight. Her family? He stepped forward and she turned, her eyes wide._

_“M-my…” She looked away._

_His suspicion was confirmed. Servant rolled his eyes and walked forward, “Sonia is too soft. She should have killed you too.” He muttered, “Worthless people like you don’t even deserve to become a pebble in the foundation of Hope.”_

_Her mouth didn’t move, but Servant saw in her eyes that some how she understood the intention of his words, but all she could do was silently take them._

~

_The day before Servant left he looked out the window and watched the guards take the corpses of the day. In the pile, right on the top, was the maid. Her throat slit and her wrists slit. The wounds looked fresh. Sonia must have done it just that evening._

~

Nagito opened his eyes and gasped, everything spinning, the room. A sob spilled from his lips as the dream filled his mind. The maid; he had basically told her to die and then she did. Sure, he had deemed her as talentless but it wasn’t a warrant to die, right?

His mind spun. Yes, it was. Talentless people didn’t deserve to live, to breathe; it was a favour to kill them. Komaeda shook his head. No, that was wrong.

 _“It’s just another worthless rat dead.”_ A small voice said in his mind.

“SHUT UP.” Nagito gasped.

A hand, warm and strong touched his shoulder. Nagito’s eyes flung open. Hinata sat on the bed, eyes laced with worry, heavy and smothering. Nagito shoved his hand away and sat up. True to Hinata’s words he didn’t feel dizzy. Hinata hadn’t drugged him again.

“Komaeda how are you feeling?”

 _“Worthless people deserve to die.”_ The voice whispered darkly in his ears.

Nagito gasped, “I-I’m fine… just… water…”

Hinata stood up, “Okay.”

Closing his eyes Nagito shoved the image away. He didn’t want to think about a girl bleeding to death in Sonia’s tub or the hanging bodies on the tree…

“Here.” Hinata returned.

Nagito grabbed the water and started to drink, but suddenly the cup was red and the water was thick with iron and protein… he threw the glass. Hinata caught it, not a drop of water spilling. Of course, he was Kamukura; it shouldn’t have been a surprise.

“You’re not fine.” Hinata firmly said, “You’re reacting to a dream. What did you dream about?”

No. If he spoke it would become real, tangible. Nagito shook his head, “No, just… food… please.”

Hinata sighed, “Okay. But, I’m not letting you out of my sight. Please follow me.”

Not that he had much choice. Nagito stood up and grabbed his cane. Hinata stepped a few paces behind him as they walked to the restaurant. The sun beamed warmly down on him, but it didn’t stop the dark sludge swirling inside his head, like poorly made coffee.

~

Hajime’s fingers twitched against the chair. It was only him and Komaeda in the restaurant. If Komaeda tried anything, there were only two proper exits, the stairs to the lobby and the stairs from the patio. Of course, Komaeda could try to break a window, but that would be too risky. He wouldn’t have a guarantee to break it and even if he did, Komaeda would have no safe way out. He’d get hurt on the glass and in the landing.

Still, despite all of this, Hajime resisted the urge to tap his fingers against the chair. There was no guarantee Komaeda would act rationally either. Waves of Despair could hit and fluctuate at any time. Glancing at his hands, Hajime wished at least handcuffing Komaeda was an option, but then he’d have to take his metal arm away just to be safe. And they weren’t at that point. Hopefully, not yet.

The morning had barely started, and Hajime was tired. What ever Komaeda dreamed it was something and Hajime had suspicions. Water was a specific thing to reject. Komaeda didn’t just toss it aside because he felt nauseous. If he did, he wouldn’t have drunk it or waited until the nausea passed. Was it possible he dreamed something with Sonia? Hajime only had a small thread and unless he got an answer from Komaeda.

“I can feel your thoughts.” Komaeda sighed as he dipped his spoon into the ice cream.

“Just eat your ice cream.” Hajime replied, shoving his thoughts away, “Out of everything I could make for you.”

“There is nothing wrong with vanilla ice cream.” Komaeda answered, licking the spoon, “Besides I don’t want anything else. I’m not in the mood.”

“Right.” Hajime turned his head, “I’m still waiting to hear what you remembered.”

Komaeda scowled, “I think it’s obvious. I said Ultimate Despair, Kamukura…”

“So, just one dream and bam, instant remembering?”

A moment passed and Komaeda stabbed the ice cream with the spoon a few times, “It isn’t like that… I just have you ever been on a tight rope?”

Hajime blinked, “Uh, no?”

“My mind feels like I’m on one. It’s not so much as I remember as I’m balancing and one wrong move and I’m falling into the abyss. I can see hints as I walk along this tight rope, but the actual thing? Not until I fall.” Komaeda replied before taking his spoon out of the ice cream, “Happy? Is this answer okay?”

A tight rope. Hajime folded his hands on the table and looked down. That was an interesting description. It gave him more than Komaeda probably thought it did. This meant that the memories were floating around and at any moment, Komaeda could remember more.

“Yeah that’s fine.” Hajime muttered before he stood up, “Do you want some water?”

Komaeda’s face twitched and Hajime felt his suspicions confirming, solidifying. He’d have to gently ask Sonia later if Komaeda ever visited her country.

“No. No thank you.” Komaeda replied, “I’m full.” He shoved his ice cream away.

“Okay.” Hajime stood up, “Let’s clean that.”

Komaeda raised an eyebrow, “You trust me in a kitchen full of potential weapons?”

Hajime turned and rolled his eyes, “I can handle it.”

“Right.” Komaeda snorted, “You’re Kamukura.”

A dull stab to his heart. Hajime sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly, “No. Not Kamukura.”

Komaeda opened his mouth and close it a moment later, silently following him to the kitchen. “What about after?” He asked.

“After?” Hinata turned, “After you stay with me. You’re not off the hook yet. I don’t want you alone.”

“So, I don’t hurt anyone…” Komaeda muttered.

“And yourself.” Hajime calmly corrected before walking into the kitchen, Komaeda in tow.

~

“Do you have to stay the night too?” Nagito grumbled.

“Yes, I do.” Hinata sat in the chair, arms crossed, “I just want to make sure everything is okay.”

“More like make sure I don’t do anything dumb.” Nagito muttered, “Say,” He rose his voice, “Are you sure you don’t want to have a sedative just in case?”

Hinata gave a look, with an eyebrow raised. He leaned into the chair and didn’t open his mouth. Nagito crawled into the bed. This was going to be awkward with Hinata staring down on him. Even with the lights off.

“Can’t you move a bit back?” Nagito asked. “You’re hovering.”

“I want to be close.” Hinata replied, “Sorry.” His voice was factual.

Scowling Nagito lay in bed and looked over. It was big… and Hinata would sleep lightly regardless of where. Sitting up he patted the empty space.

“Just… sleep here.” Nagito sighed, “It’s better than staring at me blatantly. I’ll be able to pretend it’s not there easier if you’re staring at my back.”

Hinata stared and Nagito patted the space one more time, not breaking eye contact with him. What was wrong? It wasn’t like Nagito had any other reason to get Hinata into bed with him. This was purely for his sake, not Hinata’s and Nagito wanted proper sleep, even if he had to argue with Hinata about it.

“Fine.” Hinata stood up and hit the lights, “If it makes you feel better.” He crawled into the bed.

Nagito flopped back down. It was immensely better to not see Hinata staring at him. Sure, he felt the presence behind him, but that was a minor inconvenience. Closing his eyes Nagito snuggled into the blankets.

~

_“Servant.”_

_“Yes?” He turned around._

_“Come here.” Kamukura dully muttered._

_Servant felt a twitch in his heart. Him? He took a step, but before he got another one in, his air was cut off as Kamukura pulled him closer, his body colliding with his. Despite the ruins and the destruction, Kamukura still smelt nice and was warm. Servant felt his cheeks warm as Kamukura coldly looked at him. He shouldn’t be this close. Servant tried to step back, but the tug on his chain froze his movement and sent warmth pooling in his stomach._

_“Did I say you could move?” Kamukura sounded like he was reading a recipe._

_“N-no…”_

_“Then don’t move.”_

_His breathing stilled and Servant kept his breaths shallow. The grip on the chain left him at a bit of an awkward angle, his head angled a bit down, but his spine not bending. It was a bit uncomfortable, but he couldn’t complain._

_“You’re thinking so loudly.” Kamukura let go of the chain and stepped back._

_“I-I’m…” Servant licked his lips and looked up._

_He didn’t get another word in. Kamukura grabbed the chain again and pulled him closer, air cut off, stars dancing behind his eyes as Servant was once again in the sphere of Kamukura’s heat._

_“Do you remember what happened yesterday?”_

_Yesterday? Servant scrambled to pull his words out. He had been looking for food and water as Kamukura strolled the city then they..._

_“We ran into some people.” Kamukura answered for him, “You nearly got stabbed.”_

_Oh. Right. His luck saved him at the last moment, causing him to trip and fall, the knife missing him as the attacker stumbled over his body, landing into the ground._

_“I-I’m sorry?” Servant tried._

_“Don’t do that again.” Kamukura ordered._

_With a twist of the chain, Kamukura cut his air off again. Servant tried to nod, but nodding dug the metal band into his neck._

_“You’re mine.” Kamukura dully told him, “You don’t have permission to get hurt.”_

_His… Servant felt the words fill his blood stream, giving him life. It burned warmly in his body and he wheezed out a yes. Kamukura pulled him a bit closer until they were at eye level. The red pierced his body._

_“Good.” Kamukura muttered and with an almost gentle reach forward, pressed a whisper of a kiss to his lips, “Very good.”_

~

Hajime woke with a weight on his stomach and pressure on his sides. The instinct to toss the weight and pin whoever was on him down had to be smothered. His fingers twitched in the covers as Hajime forced his eyes to open slowly, carefully.

Komaeda was straddling him, leaning over. The shirt he wore was falling off his shoulders, giving Hajime a good view of his skin. Eyes were glazed as Komaeda leaned closer. Hajime felt his breath still as Komaeda stared at him, practically touching his chest against Hajime’s neck.

“K-Komaeda…” Hajime gasped out.

“Komaeda?” He cocked his head, “You always called me Servant but I guess that was Kamukura, not you.”

Great, the name change. “Could you please get off me?”

“Off?” Komaeda cocked his head, “But I don’t want to behave. I dreamed about it, you know. Behaving, getting called good; it was nice but the hint of danger with a punishment…” Komaeda moaned suggestively, “I’m craving that.”

Hajime’s face was red, burning. Komaeda leaned closer. Hajime immediately lifted his arms and tried to stop Komaeda from getting closer, but gravity was on Komaeda’s side. Hajime tried to push him off, but Komaeda grabbed his wrists and leaned closer until Hajime could feel his breath hot against his face.

“Well Kamukura?” Komaeda whispered, “Punish me?”

A hot flash of something filled Hajime. Suddenly the weight was off him and Komaeda was pressed against the bed. Hajime swallowed thickly and immediately got off Komaeda. Scanning him, Hajime assessed the situation. Komaeda wasn’t hurt. He looked fine. Letting out a thin breath, Hajime stepped back and let Komaeda sit up, rubbing his arm as he did.

“You…” Komaeda muttered, “I see…” He looked down.

“Sorry. How are you?” Hajime softly asked, “Servant?”

Komaeda glared, “Don’t call me that.” His voice came out shaky.

Hajime nodded, feeling a small wave of ease hit his body, “Okay. Komaeda. What did you dream about?”

Blue eyes widened and Komaeda looked down, face a bit pink. Hajime blinked that was unexpected.

“It’s nothing. I just saw you, well, Kamukura… whatever.” Komaeda added quickly, “Say I think I’ve proven I’m fine. Do you think you can leave me to at least shower and get ready without hovering?”

Hajime bit his lip. The way Komaeda had acted upon waking up was nothing new. He supposed it would be fine. Though Hajime wasn’t about to leave the cottage.

“Fine. But I’m not leaving the cottage.” Hajime replied.

“…okay.”

Komaeda stretched and started to get out of the bed but paused. Turning around slowly he leaned a bit closer to him. Hajime swallowed. Suddenly his cheeks were warming up again and his body felt a bit clammy, itchy…

“Hey, Hinata,” Komaeda muttered, “Do you really want to know what I dreamed about?”

Was Komaeda getting closer? Hajime shifted and pulled himself away, his cheeks stained pink. “Uh, it’s okay. I’ll just wait here.”

Komaeda straightened his back and nodded a bit dully, “Okay. Yeah. I’ll do that.”

~

What was that? Nagito paced along the tile floor as he waited for the tub to fill. He had for a moment wanted to kiss Hinata, pull him into him, feel something warm and tangible. The dream replayed harshly in his mind, carrying the feelings and tension. He had been aroused by Kamukura, loved it, loved how he would tug him around and occasionally tell him he was his. That was an illusion, an illusion that Nagito had fallen for a dozen times. He knew, even without multiple dreams to rely on the way Kamukura talked to him; it had to be an act. He was worthless and Kamukura. Not there was no way someone like him would be wanted by someone like Kamukura.

And Hinata.

Shit. Nagito sat on the edge of the tub and rubbed his face. Hinata? Really? Sure, he and Kamukura were basically the same at the core but why now?

 _“Even if you do like him, why would Hinata want someone like you?”_ Enoshima’s voice floated in his ear, like she was leaning against his shoulder, whispering into it, _“You’re worthless… meaningless. Kamukura liked you like someone likes an ownerless dog.”_

“I don’t like Hinata.” Nagito hissed, “Go away.”

 _“Keep telling yourself that hon.”_ She sang in his ear, _“You do. And it will be all for naught. He won’t like you back, but you can pine for him. Unrequited love is the best kind of Despair, you know.”_

“I said… GO away.” Nagito tried to not yell. Last thing he wanted was Hinata’s attention.

_“Liar.”_

“Shut… up…” Nagito snapped.

 _“I mean, the way he cared for you after you woke up… you must have felt special. All that attention just for you. And even now… you’re getting attention even though you’re worthless and useless.”_ Enoshima sighed, _“Oh well. Not my problem. You can continue loving him. I’ll be waiting for the rejection. Oh wait, he did already, right? You wanted to kiss him just now, but he bolted.”_ She started to laugh.

Nagito smacked his metal hand against the tub and felt the tub dent a bit under it. Groaning he rubbed his temples. No, that was wrong… he didn’t… he couldn’t. She was right, even if it was a delusion. He was useless and dangerous. Hinata didn’t want to babysit him. Hinata didn’t even want him.

The tub chimed, signalling it was done filling as Enoshima’s laugh rang in his ears.

~

Hajime wished he didn’t feel like he was escorting a prisoner around, but there was little option. Sticking close to Komaeda was small in comparison to other options, like carrying him or out right refusing to let him out of the cottage.

His days felt condensed into Komaeda, morning, and sleep. Hajime glanced in the direction to the other islands. How long had it been since he checked up on the pods for more than twenty minutes? Or hung out with the others? His stomach twisted as if responding to him. He’d have to make a note to do those things once he was sure Komaeda wouldn’t do anything harmful to anyone.

“Are you hungry?” Hajime asked as Komaeda turned the opposite direction of the restaurant.

“No, I’m not.” Komaeda replied, “I want to see more of the islands.”

“Okay.” Hajime shrugged.

They walked, over the bridge, Komaeda stubbornly moving with his cane, not stopping, even when Hajime spotted laboured breathing. The central island was beautiful with the giant statue and park in the middle. Hajime watched as Komaeda by passed it and went to the second island’s bridge. His cheeks were pink and Hajime saw his legs shake a bit.

“Are you okay?” Hajime reached out.

“I’m fine.” Komaeda pulled away, starting to walk again.

Hajime silently followed, watching as Komaeda paused, taking in the island. A moment passed and he turned, heading towards the diner and beach. The sun was high in the sky and Hajime was feeling the heat. Maybe he’d force them to stop in the diner to grab some water?

As they passed the diner, he spotted Souda and Sonia, walking together. Sonia’s hands were clasped in front of her, nodding her head as Souda walked around her in large circles, hands flying around, eagerly telling a story. Komaeda paused and looked at them.

“Oh, hello!” Sonia waved as soon as she spotted them.

“Huh?” Souda looked and winced as he spotted Komaeda, “Hello…”

“We were just out for a walk.” Sonia graciously said, “I was thinking of having a gathering at the beach later?” She looked at Hajime, “It’s been a while since we did something like that. Maybe even some karaoke?”

“Yeah!” Souda nodded with a grin, “I mean, you’ll smoke us anyways Hajime, but it’s fun. I was just telling Sonia I could take those speakers we found in Electronic Ave and…”

He was cut off by Komaeda stepping forward, “So, you think offering your help to Sonia will get her to like you back?”

Suddenly Hajime didn’t feel warm. Sonia’s eyes widened and Souda’s voice stopped. Slowly Souda’s hands clenched and unclenched before he took a deep breath. Hajime watched as his eyes swirled like a storm brewing, before he exhaled with a jagged sound.

“No.” Souda carefully said, “I don’t expect that sort of thing from her. We’re friends.”

“Friends?” Komaeda asked, “You’re calling her Sonia and fawning over her. I think… what’s the word for that? Desperate?”

Souda lunged and without warning, punched Komaeda in the face. Hajime immediately reached forward and grabbed Komaeda before he fell to the ground. His cane wasn’t so lucky, but Hajime wasn’t too concerned. Komaeda groaned and roughly turned out of Hajime’s arms. Hajime froze. Komaeda’s eyes were glazed, milky and Hajime could practically see swirls in his eyes. Thickly swallowing Hajime saw a bit of blood gleaming on his teeth before Komaeda turned to Souda.

 “What?” Komaeda snapped, “I’m just telling the truth. Alternative motives are the worse, you know that Souda?”

This time Hajime was fast enough to grab Komaeda back before the punch landed. Sighing Hajime turned Komaeda around, glaring. The gaze in Komaeda’s eyes was clearing up a bit, but Hajime could see telltale signs of bruising around the corner of his mouth.

“What was that?” Hajime asked them both.

 “Hajime…” Souda glared, “He’s asking for it.”

“Pretty sure I never explicitly asked for anything.” Komaeda mildly replied, “Or is that how you view silence?”

Souda hissed and took a step forward but stopped. Sonia managed to grab onto Souda, preventing him from charging at Komaeda. She leaned forward and whispered into his ear. Souda’s arm dropped and he sighed. Sonia let go of his collar.

“Oh wow… that was quick…” Komaeda mused, “Over just because Sonia asks you too. What a good dog.”

The reaction was instant. Hajime saw Souda’s eyes darkly flash, swirling a bit before he hit Komaeda. Komaeda fell to the ground this time. Blood dripped slowly to the ground and Hajime was sure that Souda busted Komaeda’s lip. Spiting the blood out, Komaeda laughed and looked up. His eyes were swirling too, dark, misty, and wild.

“At least you got a decent punch.” Komaeda taunted.

“Komaeda. Be quiet.” Hajime snapped as he turned to Souda. “Kazuichi…”

“We’ll be off.” Sonia replied, dragging Souda away, “I’ll see you later Hinata.”

Behind him Komaeda snorted. Hajime growled and turned around. Why was this happening? He was tempted to make a stop at the pharmacy for his headache.

“What was that?” Hajime demanded.

“Ouch…” Komaeda rubbed his face, “Wonder if I could have gotten a proper hit in?”

This was a disaster. Hajime rubbed his head. One outing. One outing and in less than half an hour, Komaeda was bleeding and Souda was fuming again. Kneeling Hajime half picked, half pulled Komaeda up. Komaeda was scowling, brushing the dust off his pants. His cheek was swelling and red.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Hajime muttered.

“Ah yes, Dr. Hinata.” Komaeda replied, “Are we going to the hospital again?” He made a face.

“No. I got a basic first aid kit in my cottage. We’ll go there.” Hajime replied before he picked Komaeda’s cane up.

Komaeda took it and began to walk. Hajime followed silently as they slowly made their way back to the hotel. Making a beeline to the cottages Hajime opened the door, letting Komaeda walk into his place.

“Wow, and I thought my place was Spartan.” Komaeda muttered, “A fridge?” He pointed.

“It’s best this way. And I only keep ice packs in there.” Hajime replied, “Sit on the bed please. I’ll grab the first aid kit.”

Making his way to the bathroom, Hajime grabbed the kit and returned. Komaeda was sitting on his bed, cane neatly leaning against the bed frame, legs crossed. Hajime sat on Komaeda’s bruised side and with a slide of gloves on his hands, began to clean him up.

“You’ll have some bruising and swelling.” Hajime told him, “Don’t sleep on this side. I’ll get you some ice. Keep it on for at least ten minutes.”

“Painkillers?” Komaeda mildly asked.

Hajime hummed, “I can get that after I’m done here.” Hajime stood up, “Ok. Done cleaning. One second.” He turned and opened the fridge, grabbing an ice pack. Carefully Hajime wrapped it in a towel and gave it to Komaeda, “Here. Hold this to your face.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” Hajime began to clean up.

“Say, Hinata.”

“Yes?” Hajime turned and froze.

Komaeda was leaning closer to him, just like the morning. Hajime felt his heart skip and he swallowed hard. Komaeda was staring, eyes unblinking. What was this? Komaeda had never shown interest in him or at least Hajime thought it was interest. Their morning encounter was border lining something. Was Komaeda mixing things up from when he spent time with Kamukura? Hajime felt his face burn as his mind replayed the various encounters. Komaeda had dropped hints about something intimate between the two of them; it was making the room warm and uncomfortable. Hajime pulled away.

“Uh… I’ll go get those pain killers.” Hajime quickly said.

“Wait.” Komaeda grabbed his wrist with his metal hand, “You’re running away. What if… I wanted to…”

Oh no. Komaeda was leaning closer. Hajime ripped his arm out of Komaeda’s grasp and stood up, “No. What ever you’re thinking you’re confusing it with Kamukura.”

“Kamukura?” Komaeda dully asked, “You’re Kamukura too.”

Hajime’s heart twisted and his lungs collapsed, “No, I’m…” He turned.

“Running away.” Komaeda sighed behind him, “You don’t keep painkillers here?”

It was a taunt, but Hajime didn’t care. “These aren’t ones strong enough for your swelling.”

His words felt weak. Hajime didn’t care. He stepped outside and shut the door. The morning replayed in his head. Would it be fine to leave Komaeda alone? He closed his eyes. It would have to be. He had moved some basic over the counter medicine to the market on the island. The time it took him to go there and back. It would be fine. He could run.

Hajime heard Komaeda’s taunt in his brain about running. He shoved it aside and bolted.

~

The pain felt sharper now that Hajime was gone. Nagito pressed the ice pack against his cheek harder, staring at Hinata’s room. It really was bare, though he did have a potted plant along his window, everything else was the basics.

 _“Oh wow… you’re in his cottage.”_ Enoshima’s voice giggled, _“In his place yet all your clothes are on and nothing has happened.”_ She sighed, _“Not even a kiss._ _How dense can Hinata be?”_

Not her again. Nagito exhaled and tried to look around the room, find something to stare at, but he felt her presence, like a leech attached to his skin, she wasn’t going away.

 _“It’s because you’re worthless.”_ She coldly stated, _“Poor, poor Komaeda Nagito… you’ve been hated since birth. Fate hates you. Fortune hates you. Even luck, your talent, has it in for you.”_

If he just ignored her, she’d go away. He couldn’t engage her, give her fuel. Nagito stared intently at the potted plant.

 _“You’re like that potted plant.”_ She said, _“Kept and watered, but sooner or later you’ll wither and fade, dying.”_

No, no… he turned his head wildly. There had to be something else to look at…

 _“But would be a blessing, you know that?”_ She whispered with a giggle, like she was telling a secret, _“You’re dying. I think you’ve over stayed your welcome. It’s time to go.” She_ breathlessly added, _“‘Exit, pursued by bear.’ It’s one of Shakespeare’s most famous stage directions, you know. Of course, no bear needed to get you to leave.”_

Shut up, shut up, shut up…

 _“And I know just the way: water, flowers, suicide. No wait, it’s technically a trip and fall into the river?”_ Enoshima laughed, _“Either way, it looks so pretty, you know. Of course, you can taint the water red, if you get what I’m saying. Drowning is such a plebeian way to go. Add some flare.”_

Was she correct? Nagito squeezed his eyes. Hinata so far was treating him like a job. He was merely someone for Hinata to watch over at the hospital even when he was discharged. Hinata had a key to his room and the moment he acted problematic Hinata drugged him and locked him quite literally inside his cottage.

When did he stand up? Why was he walking towards the bathroom? Nagito felt detached and void as he opened the first aid kit, pulling out a pair of scissors. They weren’t sharp enough for deep cuts, but if he stabbed himself and then dragged them down his arm…

The door opened. Nagito shut the first aid kit and walked out. Hinata was standing there with a small bottle in hand.

“Here.” Hinata breezed past him, “I’ll give you one now. It’s best to have something in your stomach too, so I think we should go get something to eat…”

“Right.” Nagito nodded, “Sure.”

 _“Saved by the bell or I guess the unrequited love.”_ Enoshima sighed, _“Next time I suppose.”_

Nagito wanted to say no but his throat was dry and he couldn’t say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Advice: Hajime may be the Ultimate Ultimate... but that definitely doesn't mean he can't make mistakes or panic.
> 
> Pancakes: based on what my mother makes, her pancakes are more of a griddle cake recipe (so she tells me) and the batter is really heavy and the pancakes are really heavy. It's because she adds a LOT of whole grains to her pancake batter and I am totally biased here, but my mother makes really, really good pancakes.
> 
> Scale: In Japan they do use cups and teaspoons are measurement... but they also use grams and in the school I work with we have measured out with a scale our dry ingredients in Home Ec classes.
> 
> Sonia: I had a BLAST writing that flashback/dream thing.
> 
> Bed Sharing: I've said this in the past, but... any opportunity I got to get those two to share a bed... I take... it's so cute...
> 
> Enoshima: Writing her is also too much fun.
> 
> Exit, pursued by bear: From A Winter's Tale. Yes, it is one of the most famous stage directions in a Shakespeare play.
> 
> Technically a trip and fall into the river: After Ophelia commits suicide in Hamlet, the two grave diggers have a scene and a joke shared between them is how her death officially isn't ruled a suicide because back in the day suicide meant you weren't buried on sacred grounds and thus seen as not allowed in heaven.
> 
> Drowning: I'd like to take a moment and say as a former lifeguard/swimming instructor that drowning to me is the singular most terrifying way to go. While it is common, it is by no means not traumatic for anyone who has experienced and I don't mean to imply anything, especially if, by some chance, it is a way of death that has affected you personally.


	6. The Attempt and The Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got to the Request. Finally. -flops down-
> 
> I really, really hope... that the lead up to... the attempt is good enough and makes sense. Honestly... I could write an entire story leading up to it...
> 
> Anyways, I hope the chapter is good. It's a long one... again... but I got to my goal and I'm happy. As always, feel free to leave a kudos or comment. They always make me smile.
> 
> As a major PSA, I'm warning everyone here: This chapter contains a SUICIDE ATTEMPT. I didn't get graphic, nor did the actual attempt go through... but WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND AN ATTEMPT by KOMAEDA. I'm also going to tag it, but just in case... I'm warning here too.

Hajime set the plates down before sitting across from Komaeda. His face wasn’t too swollen anymore, though Hajime could spot the redness and a bit of puffiness around his lips. It would probably bruise later, but not bloom into a darker colour. Picking his fork up, Hajime stabbed a piece of fruit, chewing slowly.

Everything was slowly rolling downhill. Hajime could feel it. He had to find a way to contain it, to help ease whatever transition Komaeda was feeling. There was no way to stop the memories, but there was a way to deal with the fallout. It was a delicate process, like removing shrapnel from a wound. Komaeda was different and if Hajime wasn’t careful, the situation would blow up in his face.

He snorted. Careful, huh? Drugging and sedating Komaeda wasn’t careful. Hajime looked at his hand. He couldn’t lie; he had panicked and called it precaution. Komaeda had only been demanding answers, not becoming violent. The sedatives were the opposite of careful. He couldn’t rely on it continually. He had to get Komaeda’s outlook to change, to not see the world through the lens Enoshima had left them.

“So,” Komaeda broke the silence, “Are you going to stare at your plate all day?”

Hajime looked up. Komaeda hadn’t touched his plate. Hajime sat back and set his fork down, “What about you? You haven’t touched your plate.”

“I don’t trust it.” Komaeda bluntly told him, shoving the plate over.

Great. Hajime grabbed his fork and reached over, poking some of Komaeda’s food, “I see. I wouldn’t do something so obvious like drugging your food.”

“You don’t trust me.” Komaeda replied, “You’ve sedated me before. I’ve done nothing to warrant sedating Hinata. I don’t trust you.”

“I know.” Hajime bit out, “I’m sorry. I said I was.”

He opened his mouth and ate some of Komaeda’s food before shoving the plate back, “It’s clean.”

Komaeda picked his fork up and began to eat. Hajime sighed and rubbed his head. “How is your face feeling?”

“Numb.” Komaeda replied slowly, “I can still feel the chill from the ice. But it doesn’t feel swollen.”

“Good. After this I want to take you to the library.”

“Library? You want to babysit me?” Komaeda raised an eyebrow.

“No.” Hajime replied, “Not babysitting. I want to give you Trial Six’s file in person.”

“Trial Six?” Komaeda asked, “Didn’t the killings end with my death?”

“Yes.” Hajime answered, “But we had a confrontation with the Mastermind.”

“You mean Enoshima?” Komaeda bluntly asked, “Or I guess an AI of her, right?”

“So, you remember that?” Hajime stared.

“Yes. I dreamed it. I dreamed of just before we went into the pods. I didn’t want to but you ordered me to.” Komaeda said with a smile on his lips. “So, I listened.”

“Me?” Hajime scowled, feeling a twisting in his stomach, “I didn’t do that.”

Komaeda gave a look. Hajime felt his skin crawl and his stomach twist harder. He thickly swallowed and returned to his plate. He didn’t remember that. Hajime bit his lip. His memories were jumbled. Hajime closed his eyes. No, he couldn’t think about that now. He had to focus on the others.

“Whatever you say Hinata.” Komaeda dropped it, “I’m full.” He shoved the barely touched plate over.

“I am too.” Hajime was sure he couldn’t eat even if he wanted to. “I’ll clean up and then we can go.”

Komaeda didn’t say anything, but Hajime knew he would follow.

~

Nagito stared at the library. It was huge, with windows at the back, letting sunlight stream in. Rows of shelves lined the walls and extended up the walls in a few floors. Scattered along the floor were tables. The smell of paper, leather, and ink filled the space. It was silent and peaceful. He smiled and felt a bit of tension leak from his body.

Hinata walked in and headed towards a shelf. Nagito followed slowly, letting the atmosphere of the place sink in. The shelf Hinata was heading towards had bound books with blank spines and files neatly arranged on the shelf. With nimble fingers, Hajime pulled a file out, turn around, and wordlessly handed it to him. Nagito accepted the file and opened it. Inside the paper was neatly bound and arranged. Staring, he walked over to a table and sat down. Trial Six, where they learned the truth. Nagito began to read.

The cover ups at Hope’s Peak, the Reserve Course Students, the Kamukura Project. All the information filled Nagito’s brain. He thickly swallowed. Everything was vague but he knew many died. Nagito trailed his finger down the words, carefully reading. The events accumulated and with his class as Ultimate Despair.

Nagito closed his eyes. Ultimate Despair. The world was in shambles because of them. That’s why the Program was implemented. He opened his eyes and kept reading. Naegi Makoto… the one who saved them. Nagito frowned. Naegi, he was short with brown hair, right? The image of him was fuzzy in his mind. Nagito flipped through the file. There weren’t many pictures, but if he could find one.

There. Nagito stared. Naegi looked so small, yet according to the file he was Ultimate Hope. Hope. Nagito felt a smile fill his face. How wonderful it would be to meet someone like that. Not that Naegi should even be in a room with him. No, he’d better not. He wasn’t worthy to be in the presence of Ultimate Hope.

Returning to the file, Nagito read more: how they learned the truth about Ultimate Despair, how Hinata learned about the Kamukura Project, then… he frowned they escaped. How anticlimactic. Nagito scanned the end. Hinata apparently said some inspirational words and then they were out.

“That about sums it.” Hinata’s voice gently floated into his ears.

Nagito turned. When did Hinata sit down beside him and why was his body stiff? He stretched and groaned. How much time had passed? Nagito closed the file. Apart from seeing what truths the others learned, he didn’t really want to see it again.

“I’m done.” Nagito pushed the file over to Hinata.

“You are?” Hinata asked as he took the file. “You sure?”

“Yes. If I want to see the files again, they’re right here, yes?” Nagito pointed to the shelf.

“You’re right.” Hinata replied, “Any time. Any file.”

“Okay.” Nagito stared, “Then can I have Trial Four’s file again? Unedited.” He added.

Hinata’s shoulders stiffened for a moment. He stood up, taking the file back to the shelf. Nagito watched as Hinata carefully put the file back and pulled another file from the shelf. Walking over Hinata set the file in front of him.

“Here.”

Nagito stared, “Just like that? Not edited?”

“It’s not edited.” Hajime replied, “I promise.”

Nagito wanted to say that sedating him and keeping information from him was hurting the effectiveness of his words, but instead Nagito snatched the file up, holding it to his chest.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Hinata stood up, “Now, not that you need to come with me, but I’m going to go check up on everyone else.”

“Everyone else?” Nagito’s lips twisted, “I don’t think Souda wants to see me.”

“No, not them.” Hinata chuckled, “I mean everyone who’s still asleep.”

“Oh.” Nagito blinked, “You want me to come with you?”

“If you want.” Hinata shrugged.

There had to be something Hinata was getting out of the offer. No doubt it was just a ploy to keep him close but even so, Nagito nodded.

“Sure. I’ll come along.”

~

Hajime spotted Kuzuryuu before Kuzuryuu spotted them. He was sitting on the edge of Pekoyama’s pod again, lightly touching the edges, not getting any closer. The smile that was on his lips, the one no one else but Pekoyama should see, instantly vanished. Hajime turned to the monitors and began to check them. Behind him he could sense Komaeda walking around and Kuzuryuu standing up, heading towards them.

“Hey, mind explaining something to me?” Kuzuryuu asked.

“Yes?” Hajime didn’t look up from the monitor. Everyone was looking good, everything stabilized.

“I ran into Souda and Sonia. What happened?”

Hajime heard Komaeda cough. He sighed and turned around. Komaeda was partially turned, but his hand was over his mouth and his eyes twinkling a bit. Kuzuryuu immediately turned and looked over, sighing and groaning.

“What did you do Komaeda?”

“Me?” Komaeda asked, taking a few steps around the room, “I spoke the truth. He hit me.” Komaeda pointed to his face.

“You provoked him.” Kuzuryuu flatly accused.

Komaeda shrugged and kept walking around, looking at the pods, “Provoke. Truth. Same difference to me. In the end, I spoke the truth.”

Hajime rubbed his head, “You spoke a truth that only you want to see. You’re going to apologize to Kazuichi later.”

“Yes, yes.” Komaeda waved his hand flippantly, “So, these are all the people still asleep? Wow. I wonder if they’ll wake up?”

Kuzuryuu balled his hands into a fist. Hajime stood up and walked over, closer to Kuzuryuu, carefully, quietly.

“Hinata is swamped with me already. I wonder how much more work you’ll have if someone else wakes up?” Komaeda directed his words to him.

“I’ll cross that when it happens.” Hajime replied calmly.

“I see.” Komaeda turned his gaze to them and smiled, “I hope they wake up soon. It would be a shame to rot away on this island, don’t you agree?”

Kuzuryuu’s hands were white and Hajime took a bigger step towards Kuzuryuu and kept his gaze on Komaeda. Komaeda’s face was open, wide eyed and calm as he kept walking around. Apparently, he wasn’t picking a fight. Still, his wording was a bit too blunt. Gently Hajime set a hand on Kuzuryuu’s shoulder, just in case he should get Kuzuryuu out. Volatile personality and Komaeda wasn’t a combination he wanted to deal with again.

“Fuyuhiko, I’m going to cook for everyone tonight. Could you tell everyone for me? I’m going to keep doing my check up here.”

He felt Kuzuryuu tense under his hand, muscles coiling, before dropping, relaxing. Shaking his shoulders out of Hajime’s grasp, Kuzuryuu nodded.

“Sure. I’ll do that. See you later.”

Hajime watched as Kuzuryuu walked out. Komaeda was watching too, but he was also staring at the pods, fingers touching the glass. Hajime sighed and sat down, returning to the monitors. Silence soaked the room as Hajime began to shift through the screens, watching the information fill the screen and into his mind. Using his skills with machinery was not too hard. Hajime easily pulled a talent out, almost sighing with relief as the numbers and words began to register in his brain. It was like turning on a translator, suddenly everything made sense and he could cruise by, absorbing the information.

“Hey, Hinata.” Komaeda’s voice drifted close.

Hajime gave a hum in acknowledgement.

“How will Saionji walk again?”

Saionji? Hajime pulled his mind from the computer and information. Komaeda was tapping the glass to her pod, brows knit, “I mean her leg, this brace; it’s rather extensive.”

“Oh…” Shoving the talent he was using earlier, Hajime scrambled to find his words, his brain a bit jumbled, “I can only guess, but I think she’ll have to have some physio like you.”

“…and she did this to herself while in Despair?” Komaeda asked again.

“Yes.” Hajime simply replied, eyeing Komaeda. What was he thinking?

“…Okay. Thank you Hinata.” Komaeda turned around, “I’m going to go back to the library and read this file.” He waved Trial Four’s file.

It was a test. If he told Komaeda to wait he’d accuse him of hovering or not trusting him. Telling him to let him go was also a test. Komaeda wanted to prove. Hajime wasn’t entirely his keeper. He did still tell Hajime where he’d be; it was a small comfort thrown, that he didn’t have to tell anything if he didn’t want to. Hajime had no choice.

“Fine. I’m going to have supper ready by six thirty though.” Hajime warned, “So, please don’t be late. I want you there too.”

Komaeda’s eyes narrowed, but he nodded, not arguing, and walked out of the room.

~

 _“Wow. You didn’t even do something interesting while in Despair.”_ Enoshima’s voice trailed with a sigh _, “Self Mutilation? Please.”_ She scoffed, _“Kuzuryuu, Saionji, and did you check out Koizumi’s hand closely?”_

Nagito wanted to tell her to shut up. His head was spinning and ached. Her voice, her presence sitting in the back of his mind was unwanted and unneeded. Being inside the room had hurt more than he expected. Seeing all the people still asleep, seeing Hajime focused on them, seeing some of the injuries…

 _“Jealousy much?”_ Enoshima cut in, _“Oh no, Hinata-kun isn’t paying attention to me!”_ She raised her voice, mimicking him, mocking him, _“I’ll have to kill that nasty bitch.”_ She added before laughing, _“That was terrible. It sounds like something from a day time soap opera.”_

He shut his mouth tightly until his jaw hurt. That wasn’t it…

 _“Your emotions are so predictable.”_ Enoshima’s voice suddenly became icy, _“Jealousy. Desire for attention. Like Hinata would give you the time of day. He doesn’t want you. He never will. You are worthless after all.”_

Worthless. Even when she was dead, she was getting to him. Nagito stumbled towards the library, gripping his cane tightly, like an anchor to reality. Opening the doors, he went to the same table he was at with Hinata. Hinata had to like him somewhat. He had offered the trip to the library and he let him go; Hinata wasn’t hovering any more.

 _“Please, you were testing him. Hinata knew that.”_ Enoshima’s voice snapped him back, _“He knows he’s on thin ice with you. He wants to watch you but wants your trust too. This is just his ploy.”_

She was wrong. Nagito collapsed into the chair, squeezing his eyes shut. He was fine. He was fine.

 _“Really… you’re just worthless.”_ She sighed, _“Best off yourself soon. Hey, just like in the Program! I mean… it wasn’t technically suicide, but you were dancing on a technicality. It could have been labelled a suicide, but you were a coward. Now, you can remedy that.”_ She crooned in his ear. _“There are so many sharp objects in the kitchen or in the Market…”_

Nagito gasped and slammed his fist on the table, “Shut up!” He yelled.

The voice fell silent and Nagito could feel his chest rising harshly. The table was dented a bit and tears leaked from his eyes. Flopping over, Nagito lay his head on the desk and closed his eyes. He was fine… he was fine…

~

The file was tucked under his arm, a sign of an aborted attempt to read it. Nagito’s head ached and spun, but thankfully Enoshima’s voice wasn’t filling his mind. It was enough to make him want to smash his head into something. Hearing her after her death wasn’t normal. He should go to Hinata, tell him, but that would cause Hinata to sedate him again. Nagito scowled. No doubt if he told Hinata that would be the outcome. Sedation and more hovering. Nagito wrapped his arm around his body and gripped his cane tighter. He could do this.

Walking to the hotel, Nagito stopped by his cottage and dropped the file off. The ruined door handle stared at him, forcing Nagito to leave his door wide open. Of course, he could always escape out a window, but that felt like a last resort.

The restaurant was lit, as usual and as Nagito walked up the stairs along the side, he could smell the cooking. Whatever Hinata was making, it smelt homey and warm. Heading inside, Nagito looked. He was the first one there. A table was set, for all six of them. Hinata had to still be in the back.

Nagito walked over and peered inside. Hinata’s back was to him. He was humming a soft tune lightly as he checked the contents inside of a pot. Nagito shuffled inside. The smell was stronger and it made his stomach twist. He hadn’t eaten much through the day.

“Komaeda.” Hinata greeted, “You’re early.”

“How did you know it was me?” Nagito asked.

“Your cane. I can hear it.” Hinata replied, “Also your footsteps are lighter.” He turned around and smiled, “Did you have a good afternoon?”

Was this a test? Nagito’s mind twitched and he felt a bit of an ache. No, that wasn’t it. Hinata was just asking to be polite.

“I didn’t reread all of the file.” Nagito truthfully spoke, “I took it back with me. By the way, fix my door. I refuse to keep it open just so I don’t get locked inside.”

“Okay.” Hinata agreed easily, “I’ll do that later. Do you want to help me?” He gestured to the counter.

“Help?” Nagito’s lips pulled into a bit of a smile. Making pancakes earlier had been fun. “Sure.”

“I want to make a salad.” Hinata told him, “I’ll give you the vegetables.”

“Okay.” Nagito walked over to the sink, turning the water on, “Are you going to let it sit a bit in a dressing too?”

“Yes. I made that already.” Hinata was pulling things out. “Just combine it into a bowl and pour the dressing on. It should be enough. We’ll let it sit.”

Nagito started to mindlessly do the task with a smile. It was nice to do something with ease. Cutting the vegetables was easy and it was fun to be around Hinata without feeling like he was being babysat.

He was just finishing the salad, when Nagito heard some voices waffle into the restaurant, heading to the kitchen. A moment later and Sonia, along with Souda, poked their heads in. Nagito paused. Their last encounter hit his mind with full force and he couldn’t hold back a twist of his lips. Souda scowled immediately and Sonia carefully stepped into the kitchen, between him and Souda.

 _“Oh wow, lover boy is back.”_ Enoshima’s voice slowly crept up.

Nagito froze. Not now, not when it was going well.

“Hinata,” She smiled, “We’re here. Would you like some help?”

“Sure.” Hinata replied.

 _“You’re not even needed anymore.”_ Enoshima sighed softly, her voice barely audible, _“The moment someone more talented comes along…”_

Nagito bit his lip hard. She was lying and he had to keep it together. Other wise, Hinata would pounce. Carefully he set the knife down and pushed the bowl away.

“I’ll just…” Nagito muttered.

 _“Good idea. Hey, you can take the knife and use that.”_ Enoshima encouraged.

He squeezed his eyes shut. There was no way he’d… Nagito took a step away from the counter and turned.

“No.” Hinata’s voice cut through his thoughts, “You’re staying.”

_“Oh, he wants to dismiss you himself before he tells you to leave.”_

Would she ever shut up? Nagito tried to shove her away, deep into his mind. She was wrong. She was wrong. Hinata wouldn’t do that.

“Yes,” Sonia echoed Hinata’s sentiment, “You’re staying too Souda. Both of you are going to apologize for earlier.”

“I agree.” Hajime added, “Do it. I don’t want dinner unpleasant.”

Souda grumbled but Nagito couldn’t help but stare, a bit impressed by Sonia and Hinata. Both were standing with arms crossed and a look in their eyes. He wouldn’t be able to leave without listening to their request. It burned his tongue a bit to have to apologize on command.

 _“You accused Souda of being a dog, but you’re no better.”_ Enoshima’s voice helpfully floated.

He focused on the task in front of him.

“Wow a tag team effort…” Nagito muttered before squaring his shoulders. Best get this done. “Sorry Souda. For earlier.”

“Yeah sorry for hitting you.” Souda replied quickly.

“Good!” Sonia beamed, “Thank you. Now, let’s help Hinata!”

Nagito turned his head. He was done here. As Hinata directed them, Nagito slipped out of the kitchen and went to the table, sitting down. Skipping wasn’t ideal. Hinata would be upset. Plus, he was hungry and besides a sore Souda, Nagito didn’t have any other reason to not stay.

“Hey, Komaeda.”

Owari plopped down beside him, grinning, “You made it to dinner. I haven’t seen you in a bit. How are you feeling?”

_“I’m great. So, great I think I should paint the tub red, if you get what I’m saying.”_

Would she ever go away? He shoved her deeper in to his mind. Nagito focused on Owari. She was still skinny, something that wasn’t befitting her stature. Her gauntness was residing, but Nagito could see she was still recovering from starving.

“I’m fine.” He lied, “What about you?”

“Same as you.” Owari sighed, “Recovering.” She lifted her arm, “Sad, right? I can’t look at myself in the mirror sometimes, but I am getting better.”

What could he say to that? Nagito simply nodded and gave a small smile, “It’s a long road.”

“Yeah but without Haji I think it would be harder.” Owari replied, “I know what it feels like, you know. Haji hovering over you. He cares that’s why he does it. He cares about us all.”

Cares, yeah… Hinata just didn’t want to see him lose it. Nagito shoved the pessimistic thought away too. He had to focus on the positive if he could. Maybe he was just on an unlucky streak. It wasn’t too hard to believe. Hearing Enoshima wasn’t something one considered good.

“So, anyways,” Owari rubbed her head, “I ran into Souda and Sonia. They’re planning a karaoke night by the beach. Sounds like fun, right?”

Karaoke… Nagito wasn’t sure if he was good enough to sing in front of them, but he supposed it wouldn’t be too bad, “Yeah, it does.”

“Great!” Owari cheered, “We’re all going to help with decorating and such. You too!” She grinned.

Him too, huh? Nagito bit his lip and felt a bit of a smile tugging his lips. She said it like it was no question he’d join. It made the dark cloud of Enoshima’s voice, dissipate a bit.

~

“Hey Sonia, a word please?” Hajime called over the sink.

Sonia turned, a tea towel in hand and smiled, “Yes Hinata?”

“I got a question.” Hajime carefully said, “Komaeda had a dream. I’m not sure exactly of what but I need to know. Do you remember seeing Komaeda in your country?” When we were in Despair was left unsaid.

Sonia’s mouth twitched and Hajime felt a bit of a stab to his gut. He… there were very few delicate ways to put it.

“I… no.” Sonia settled on the answer, “I remember things I’ve done but no Komaeda in my country.”

“Okay.” It was worth a shot, “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry. If I do,” Sonia’s face paled, “I’ll tell you.”

“Ah, it’s not that pressing.” Hajime assured her quickly, “But thank you for the offer.”

Sonia nodded and returned to drying the dishes. Hajime refocused on washing.

~

Nagito carefully watched as Hinata slowly un-balled the handle to his door. The question of how he was doing that still evaded an answer, but the simple one was Hinata simply used a talent. The metal was still crinkled in places, like when people tried to smooth out crumbled paper, but it was functional.

“I’ll replace your handle tomorrow.” Hinata told him, “This will do for now?”

“Yes. It’s fine.” Nagito replied.

“I guess good night then?” Hinata bid him farewell with a hand wave.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” Nagito answered automatically.

~

_Boring._

_How boring._

_Kamukura turned his head and looked at the smoke billowing at a distance. She had said that Despair was unpredictable, but it was feeling false, a lie. People did terrible things and he could see through their motives: anger, jealousy, greed; it all mixed into the air making a smog thick and visible._

_A wind picked up, tossing his hair a bit. Kamukura reached up and held a strand of hair. He’d have to cut it a bit later, probably. He shrugged and let it go. Why did he care?_

_Footsteps approached, light, familiar. Kamukura didn’t turn as Servant plopped down beside him, a good distance between them, humming brightly as he did so. The glove stood starkly on his left hand. Kamukura wanted to rip it off. It was no secret to him what lay underneath._

_“I found some water.” Servant pipped up happily, setting a bottle between them, “Also, I over heard some Future Foundation members.” Servant chirped, “Something is happening in Towa City.”_

_Towa. That’s where Enoshima’s AI was. Kamukura’s fingers twitched. There was no reason to go there. Towa City was nothing more than a cage for adults to cower in fear of children._

_“Let’s go.” Servant suggested._ _“I mean some kind of entertainment is happening soon.” Servant clarified, “I just want to push it along a bit. It’s more entertaining then looking at the destroyed buildings here.”_

_Together? Why? Servant didn’t need him to survive. His luck was pulling him along the apocalypse, truthfully, they both didn’t need each other. He was more than capable of doing things on his own. Servant didn’t need to follow him, or even help him. There was no use for him. Kamukura could just leave him, right now. But with Servant’s luck he’d probably find him again and not be upset. His luck wasn’t nearly as unpredictable as others thought, but even though Kamukura saw through Servant he didn’t really mind him. In a way Servant’s stubbornness and almost blind following of him made Servant his._

_His. It wasn’t like a pet, something completely dependent on him. Nor was it out of a sense of loyalty or friendship. Really, there was nothing tying them together, but Servant kept coming to him, seeking something out._

_His._

_Kamukura closed the distance between them, tugging on the chain around Servant’s neck. He watched as Servant’s eyes dilated and his breathing stilled. A smile started to worm around his face, twisting and writhing until it filled in a jagged line that looked like someone slashed it open. Was this the reason? Kamukura pulled tighter and watched Servant gasp with a moan. No, that couldn’t be it. If Servant wanted someone to choke him, there were plenty of people who would want that sort of thing. The why to Servant’s poor choice in person escaped Kamukura slightly, like a bug hovering in his peripheral._

_Whatever. It didn’t matter. Kamukura leaned down and pressed a kiss to Servant’s lips, harsh, nibbling a bit. Why did he care? So long as Servant kept flocking to him, that made him his. And, deep down inside, the idea lit a small spark in Kamukura’s heart._

_“To Towa City then.” He dully said, pulling away, letting the chain slip from his fingers._

_“Good.” Servant gasped out, a blissful smile filling his face._

~

Hajime gasped as he woke up. A heat, intense and full, filled his body, making everything feel… warm and bloated. He groaned and rubbed his head. What was that? A memory? Of Kamukura and Servant? It clicked in his brain, like a puzzle piece in the wrong place. Hajime desperately wanted to move it, to fix the puzzle, but the piece remained firm. His mind burned at the memory. Hajime sighed and rubbed his face. Now was not the time to focus on his dream. Getting up, Hajime mentally ran through the tasks of his day.

He still had to properly fix Komaeda’s door and help with the karaoke party that was happening plus cooking and checking the pods. The dream poked the corner of his mind and Hajime shoved that away. He had a lot to do and standing around pondering his dream wasn’t going to help him. Quickly Hajime showered and got ready. His stomach wasn’t protesting much, so deciding to forgo eating, Hajime headed over to the pods.

The computers were still running neatly, efficiently. Hajime pulled up the report and began to read. The program he had created was running smoothly, just no results. Sighing Hajime began to shift through the files on each pod. This would take a while.

~

Nagito woke up to banging on his door. Groaning he scrambled out of bed, yawning and stretching as he walked to the door. Whoever was on the other end was hitting the door harder. Sleepily Nagito went through a mental list of who it would be. Hinata didn’t need to knock, Sonia would be polite, Souda didn’t want to look at him, and Kuzuryuu wouldn’t keep on knocking.

“Owari give me a moment.” He grumbled.

The knocking stopped, “How did you know it was me?”

“I got lucky.” Nagito dryly replied. “What do you want?”

“Have you forgotten already?” Owari huffed, “We’re doing karaoke tonight. We got to set stuff up.”

Oh. Right. Nagito glanced at the clock and frowned, “Isn’t it too early to start setting up?”

“No way!” Owari called out as she kicked the door, “Hurry up!”

Nagito began to sort through his drawer, pulling out clothes, “Can you let me get changed?”

“… I suppose so.” Owari decided, “Just hurry up!”

There wasn’t much choice. Nagito quickly changed, grabbed his cane, key, and opened the door. Owari was pacing at the front. The moment he opened the door, she lunged, easily pulling him out.

“I need to lock my door.” Nagito huffed, ripping his arm from her grasp.

She let go and frowned. Nagito slowly locked the door, feeling Owari nearly combust from the pace. The moment he heard the click of the lock and slid the key out, Owari started to drag him out.

“First, the Market!” She cheerfully said, “We want some blankets and some paper. For score.” She laughed, “Though Hajiji will probably kick our asses.”

Right. Hinata ‘I’m-not-Kamukura-with-millions-of-talents-shoved-into-my-head’ Hajime. Nagito gently pried Owari’s hand off his arm. “I can walk.”

“Slowly.” Owari replied, “No offense.” She gestured to his cane.

Nagito shrugged, “A precaution.”

“It’s not getting you out of carrying things.” Owari warned.

True to her word. The moment they entered the Market, Owari sped through, grabbing the items they needed. Apart from the blankets and notebooks, she had neglected to tell him about the pillows, the bug spray, the candles, and some flashlights. Nagito eyed the items carefully.

“There is no way I can carry some of that.” He tapped his cane on the floor.

“Don’t worry there is a bag around here.” Owari muttered, “Ah.” She pulled out a canvas bag and started to stuff the notebooks, bug spray, candles, and flashlights into it. “Hold this.”

Nagito accepted it. Owari in the mean time was piling the blankets and pillows up, creating a tower in front of her. There was no way she could see easily. The width of the blankets was wide enough that she’d have to crane her head to the side to see.

“Are you okay?” Nagito carefully asked.

“I got this!” Owari replied, “Onwards! To the second island!”

This was going to be a long trip. Nagito started to walk, careful to walk a bit behind her. He didn’t fancy being in range should she drop everything. In hindsight, her idea to start early was a good one. The sun wasn’t quite high enough yet to be considered a scorching day. Yet… it felt a bit unpractical to have only them bring the items over.

“Isn’t anyone else helping?” Nagito tried to mildly ask.

“Everyone is at the beach house already.” Owari replied, “Well, except for Hajime.”

Except Hinata? Nagito blinked, “He’s not helping?”

“He will.” Owari answered, “He’s just checking up on everyone.”

_“Oh, your comatose friends. I suppose now that you’re fine he’s looking for his next patient. You’re going to be replaced.”_

Nagito stopped walking and felt a cold sweat drip down his neck. Why was she back? Was this something he couldn’t control? Nagito shook his head. He could. She was a figment of his imagination.

 _“You know what they say about people who talk to the voices in their heads.”_ Enoshima sagely said in response.

“Komaeda?” Owari stopped. They had a sizable distance between them, Impressive considering the load Owari was carrying, “You coming?”

 _“Only for Hinata-kun~”_ Enoshima muttered.

Nagito felt a blush fill his cheeks. Figment Enoshima did not just say that. Shaking his head, he shoved that away and began to walk, following Owari to the beach house. Enoshima sat in the back of his brain, sulking in the dark. Nagito could feel her presence weighing in his mind. Not now; he didn’t want her in his head. Carefully he shoved her away and started to count the steps towards the beach house.

The beach house was big and white. Nagito walked around it, staring at the two entrances to the place, one along the back road and the other facing out to the ocean.

Out on the sand, Souda sat with crossed legs. A stereo system sat beside him along with a toolkit. Sonia was off the side with Kuzuryuu, setting up some tables. As they approached, Owari plopped the blankets and pillows down. Dust rose and waffled over to Souda, who began to cough.

“Owari!” He groaned, “I don’t want sand in my face.”

“Sorry…” She shrugged, “We brought the items!”

Souda looked over and scowled the moment their eyes met, “Right. Take those to the table. I’m still finishing my work here.”

Nagito felt words form on his lips. He silently shut his mouth and walked over. In his mind, Enoshima roared with laughter. He could see her smacking her leg with her hand.

 _“Oh, that’s brilliant! You’re holding your tongue. Why? Don’t want to pick a fight without Hinata here? Or maybe you’re listening and not provoking Souda. Good boy.”_ She cooed.

Nagito’s jaw hurt from clenching it tightly. Forcing a breath through his nose, he set the bag on the table and stepped back, gripping his cane tightly. The wood sunk into the sand and felt less stable than usual.

“Thank you Komaeda.” Sonia smiled, “Have you seen the beach house yet?”

“No.” Nagito slowly replied, forcing his jaw open. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. Koizumi was killed there in the Program.

“Okay.” Sonia nodded, “Could you do me a favour? We left some of the decorations in the storage closet, could you grab those?”

“Sure.” Nagito blurted out before wobbling away.

He entered the beach house and immediately regretted it. Of course, he knew Koizumi was killed here in the Program, but seeing the place in person was leaving chills down his spine. Swallowing Nagito stepped inside and located the closet, walking over quickly, he opened the door. Inside were shelves with beach equipment as well as some large paper lanterns and fairy lights. Those had to be what Sonia wanted.

 _“Look at the space here!”_ Enoshima hummed, _“You could sneak away from the party and make out with Hinata. Classic, right? Oh, wait, this would be a great place for your suicide! Someone already died here. It would be a flashback for everyone! How Despairful!”_ She laughed.

“I’m not doing that,” Nagito hissed.

 _“Yeah, I get it. Copying someone else isn’t original.”_ Enoshima sighed, _“But look at the lighting in here! It would look so nice…”_

“Shut up… shut up…” He was fine. He was fine.

 _“Honey, you’re not.”_ Enoshima snapped, _“They don’t want you. They’re only inviting you because they feel bad for you. Or Hinata told them to. Either way, he’s moving on, finding a new patient. You’re not wanted anymore.”_

“You’re lying!” Nagito half yelled as he grabbed the items and slammed the door shut.

His heart was racing and his face red. Nagito shoved her deeper into his mind and breathed slowly, in and out. She was wrong. They invited him; they wanted him. And if they didn’t then Hinata did; he wouldn’t just abandon him.

A few tears leaked down his face as his heart twisted… desperate to believe it was the truth. Wiping his cheeks with his hand, Nagito composed himself and walked out, holding the items Sonia had requested.

“Thank you Komaeda!” Sonia beamed when he handed the items over.

Her sunny smile made the shadows darken inside. Nagito forced a smile on his lips, “You’re welcome.”

Enoshima was wrong.

~~Enoshima was wrong.~~

~

Hajime forced himself out of the computer room when his stomach started to ache. Walking slowly back to the restaurant, Hajime made something quick to eat before focusing on cooking for the party. It would have to be easy to carry, yet enough for everyone.

He busied himself, preparing the dishes. The rhythm of cooking was a familiar one, and Hajime easily got lost in it. The pods were running smoothly and Komaeda was fine. Hajime paused. Of course, there was no telling what memories Komaeda would remember that could alter everything.

The dream floated in his brain, filling Hajime’s mind. Kamukura had called Komaeda his, though their relationship was not easily definable.  Hajime resumed cooking. Whatever it was, it was in the past and it wasn’t him, it was Kamukura. Hajime let out a long breath and tossed the vegetables into the pot.

~

“Over here Hajime!” Kuzuryuu waved.

Hajime stared. They had done a good job decorating. Fairy lights hung along the edge of the table, connected to the outlet by the beach house. The paper lanterns were hung on a metal pole, carefully lit inside by candles. Set out in the middle of it all was a bunch of blankets and pillows. The sound system sat on a blanket. With the soft glow of the moon and the sound of the beach, it truly was beautiful. Walking over to the table, Hajime set the baskets he was carrying. Unloading them, he placed the dishes down individually.

“Do you want help with that?”

Komaeda had slid beside him silently. Hajime nearly dropped the plate. He smiled, “Sure. I got the utensils and such inside the other basket.”

“Okay.”

Hajime returned to unloading the dishes: salad, fruit, rolls, soup, meat, rice… Hajime absentmindedly set them down.

“Wow. I’m so going to eat this all.” Souda commented behind him, “Did you make dessert too?”

“The blue basket.” Hajime replied, “Don’t eat anything. I’ll know.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

With their help, the dishes were set on the table. Hajime smiled and stepped back. Immediately Souda grabbed a plate, Owari slowly trailing behind him. Kuzuryuu and Sonia appeared too. Hajime looked over. Komaeda was still standing, arms crossed, as he watched everyone take something.

“You can eat something too.” Hajime offered, “I made a lot.”

“Thank you.” Komaeda muttered, “I will.”

Hajime waited until everyone had something before he took the food. Quickly picking some of it, he walked over to the blankets and sat down beside Sonia. Getting comfortable, Hajime began to eat.

“So… good…” Souda groaned, “My eating schedule goes down the drain without you Hajime. I swear.”

“That’s not too healthy.” Hajime commented, “I’ll have to teach everyone how to make basic things.”

“Yes mother.” Souda laughed, munching on a roll, “Anyways, do you want to start the karaoke now, or after we’re done eating?”

“I vote Hinata sings something first.” Sonia gently said.

“No way!” Owari laughed, “He’ll set a standard and we’ll all pale in comparison.”

“I’m not going first.” Souda firmly said, “I think we should rock, paper, scissors for it.”

“With Hajime and Komaeda here?” Kuzuryuu asked dryly.

Hajime blushed and looked over at Komaeda, who was ducking his head, picking at a slice of apple. A light dusting of pink filled his cheeks. Hajime looked away and cleared his throat.

“Why don’t the three of you play and find out your order? Komaeda and I can play by ourselves. Then we can just vote out of the winners who goes first.”

“Okay.” Kuzuryuu turned to Sonia, Souda, and Owari, “Ready?”

Leaving them to their round, Hajime turned back to Komaeda and raised his hand, “Best two out of three?”

“… Okay.” Komaeda lifted his hand.

Rock… Paper… Scissors…

Hajime stared at his hand. He threw paper. Komaeda threw paper. He threw scissors. Komaeda threw scissors. Draw… Draw… Draw… Hajime bit his lip. Maybe their luck was too strong. He looked over at the others. Souda was staring at his hand weeping and Sonia was patting his shoulder with a small smile. It seemed they had chosen.

“Are you done yet?” Owari asked.

“Uh, we keep drawing.” Hajime answered. “Maybe we can just let Souda go first and…”

“No, it’s fine.” Komaeda stood up, “I’ll go first. That way we can get a bad performance out of the way first.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Sonia encouraged.

Komaeda picked up the microphone, “Is it on?” His voice came out of the speakers.

“Yeah, go for it.” Owari replied.

“Uh, any requests?” Komaeda asked, “Or can I sing what I want?”

“Anything you like.” Hajime replied.

“Okay.”

He took a deep breath and began to sing. Hajime stared it was lovely a bit soft and shaky at the beginning, but as Komaeda continued his voice grew steadier. No one was eating. Everyone was staring. Hajime felt a smile creep up. Komaeda had a nice voice. As the song ended, Sonia began to clap, breaking the spell Komaeda had woven on the group. Everyone joined, Hajime grinning when Komaeda blushed. With a hurried motion, he set the microphone down and sat.

“You don’t need to coat it…” He muttered.

“No, it really was wonderful.” Hajime said.

“Yeah and now I got to go…” Souda made a face, “I wanted to avoid this with Hajime not you too.”

Komaeda snorted and picked his plate up. Hajime felt his smile widen.

~

Nagito set his empty plate down. The night was winding down. In a rather good sport fashion, everyone gave karaoke a chance and instead of feeling annoyed by it, Nagito felt a smile on his lips. It was nice. This was nice. Especially when Hinata went to sing. Nagito wasn’t sure what song he sang, but it was gorgeous, hitting all the right notes, carrying in the wind.

_“Hinata and Nagito sitting in a tree…”_

Her. Again. Nagito held a glare back. Why? The evening was going so well.

_“K-I-S-S… wait… you haven’t even gotten a hug. What am I saying? Hinata could never like you like that. Let alone want to be your friend.”_

~~Enoshima was wrong.~~

~~Enoshima was wrong.~~

Nagito chanted it in his mind, squeezing his eyes shut.

 _“Useless. And you know what happens to useless, talentless people, right? They must go. Good bye~”_ She chirped, _“But unlike those people, you can at least control how you go. If you leave now, no one will stop you. You’ll have ample time.”_

Go away.

Go away.

_“I still vote on the tub.”_

The chatter around him filtered through and rattled in his brain, along with Enoshima’s laugh. It was overwhelming. Nagito stood up and walked off, towards the cottage. He needed space away from them for a second. Heading to the back of the cottage, Nagito sat down along the side, squeezing his head between his hands, taking deep breaths.

_“Useless. Useless. Just end it already. No one wants you.”_

He violently shook his head. It was fine. It was fine; everything was fine. She was wrong. Nagito felt tears run down his face.

“Komaeda?”

Hinata’s voice filled the air and the space in his head, driving Enoshima back. Warm hands touched his shoulders as Hinata sunk down, sitting in front of him, warmly rubbing his body. It felt so good, Hinata’s warmth…

_“He doesn’t want you. Stop being so desperate.”_

Nagito flinched and curled up. She was wrong? “I-I’m fine.”

“I don’t think so.” Hinata calmly countered, “We haven’t discussed how you’re feeling lately. Everything okay?”

Discuss like a doctor to a patient. Nagito felt his gut twist at the truth. Hinata knew he was remembering, balancing on a rope. Was he waiting at a distance, wanting to see if he’d crumble and fall? Was this Hinata’s chance to check up on him?

“I… it’s fine.” Nagito bit out, “I was just overwhelmed by all this.”

“Overwhelmed…” Hinata repeated, “I see…”

Did Hinata not believe him? Nagito bit his lip. He couldn’t tell Hinata about Enoshima’s voice in his head.

 _“Yeah he’ll chuck you away the moment he knows about me.” Enoshima_ whispered. _“Well, not like he was going to keep you anyways but you know what I mean.”_

Nagito groaned and bent over, resting his head on his knees. Why wouldn’t she go away? He didn’t want her voice in his head.

Warmth enveloped him. Nagito looked up. Hinata was sitting in front of him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Nagito watched as Hinata slowly ran a hand up, touching his forehead with the back of his hand, a worried expression knotting his face.

“You’re not too warm,” Hinata muttered, leaning closer, “and your complexion is good…”

_“See? You’re just a medical case to him.”_

No, she… was wrong…?? Nagito breathed deeply and let Hinata touch before shuffling over and sitting beside him. Their shoulders brushed and Nagito felt like a weight was off his chest.

“Sorry.” Hinata sighed, “It’s hard to turn it off. Did you enjoy yourself?”

“I did. Your voice is really nice.” Nagito said, shoving Enoshima away, “This was nice.”

Hinata smiled and hummed, “It’s been chaotic lately. I’m happy Sonia and Souda planned this.” He turned and looked at him, “You were good too. Singing I mean. I think we’re planning a second round. Would you like to join again?”

Nagito felt his voice escape. Hinata was staring at him, waiting for an answer, but all he wanted to do was kiss Hinata. Nagito stared at his lips. No. Hinata bolted last time, ran away. He couldn’t; Hinata didn’t want it.

_“But you do.”_

He leaned over, without a second thought and, with a bit of a stumble, Nagito pressed their lips together. At once he could taste a cinnamon like taste, probably from one of the desserts Hinata had made. Nagito leaned closer and deepened the kiss, gently prying Hinata’s mouth open. It felt so familiar and new at the same time, rolled together like a roll cake. Nagito wanted more… no he needed more…

“Komaeda.” Hinata pulled away, saliva breaking between the two.

The moment crashed. Nagito felt the ground beneath his feet as he stared down. What had he done? He had kissed Hinata. Nagito brushed his hand against his lips, feeling the skin. It tingled. He swallowed and tasted a hint of cinnamon. It made him want more.

_“Greedy but you got a kiss in. Terrible. Just pushing yourself onto Hinata when he doesn’t want you.”_

“I-I’m…” Why was Enoshima right? He had… Nagito blanched at her words. “I…”

_I want more._

“It’s fine.” Hinata was standing up, “We can just forget about it. Okay?”

Forget. Nagito felt like the world collapsed. Forget. Run away from this, from his feelings? That was what Hinata thought he would say? A burning filled his face to the tips of his ears. He had made a fool of himself. Nagito turned and ran. He ran and ran, feeling his legs wobble at the lack of support, his lungs bursting for air as he stumbled as far as he could. A second later though, Nagito felt Hinata’s hand touch him. How Hinata had caught up, Nagito simply chalked it to “Kamukura” and “talent”.

“No, Komaeda, wait. I…” Hinata’s hand warmly wrapped around his wrist, “Don’t run.”

Nagito felt the burning reach his chest. He ripped his arm out of Hinata’s grasp, not daring to look back. His breathing came out in uneven gasps.

“I…” Nagito thickly swallowed, “I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Don’t follow me.”

“Komaeda, let’s talk about this. It’s not good to leave things like this.”

What was Hinata saying? Nagito scowled, “Yeah, sure let’s talk about this. Right after we talk about how you are also Kamukura.”

He didn’t wait for an answer. Nagito stumbled away, almost daring Hinata to stop him.

He didn’t. Nagito felt his legs pick up speed as he ran. His legs protested at the lack of cane, but Nagito didn’t care. The wind felt cool against his warm face as the blush didn’t go away.

 _“See?”_ Enoshima dully muttered, _“Hinata doesn’t want you. You are useless. He was just doing his professional duty and you did what? You kissed him. Good job. He hates you now. Doesn’t want to remember this. Wants to forget this. Forget about you.”_

Nagito started to cry and slow down, tears leaking from his eyes. She was right. She was right.

_“And you know how to be forgotten? Die. Death erases all. Time is unforgiving. You’re better off not remembered. Hinata doesn’t want to think about a worthless human like you.”_

She was right. She was right. Nagito stopped running and started to walk.

 _“You’re feeling Despair, right? Despair at not being loved? It hurts, I know.”_ She cooed, _“But you can take this Despair and… die… won’t that help Hope blossom?”_

She was right. Nagito closed his eyes. She was right. He was unwanted, not worth anything. No one wanted him especially Hinata.

Servant opened them, wiping his tears away. He had a job to do. This Despair, this swirling inside of his heart, he’d turn that into Hope.

~

“Idiot.” Hajime berated himself, “Idiot, idiot... you just… let him run away. Good job moron…”

He leaned against the beach house. His head was pounding. The evening felt ruined. It was all his fault. Komaeda had feelings for him or Kamukura; Hajime wasn’t sure. Rejecting them was not smart, especially bluntly.

“You are the worse.” Hajime moaned a loud.

And to top it all off he was sure that Komaeda wasn’t as fine as he said he was. There was something hovering over him, like a thin miasma of poison. Komaeda’s analogy, the one about walking a tight rope entered his mind. Hajime felt the blood drain from his face. This would be enough to topple him over, a tumble that Hajime might as well have pushed him from behind.

“I got to fix this.” Hajime muttered, like saying it a loud would settle everything.

Turning around Hajime ran back to the group. Owari was just standing up with the microphone in her hand. As she spotted him, she waved.

“Hey Haji, I was just about to start.”

“Sorry Owari. Everyone. I messed up with Komaeda. I need to go find him and apologize.”

Souda snorted, “I’m sure he’s just upset. He’ll get over it.”

Hajime wanted to cling to those words. It was the easy way out. Hajime shook his head, “No, I mean, it was just that…I think I need to find him. I’m sorry. Everyone worked so hard.”

“It’s fine.” Kuzuryuu cut in. “Go get Komaeda and come back together, okay?”

A smile filled Hajime’s face, “Okay, sorry.”

He ran off. His gut was twisting. Hajime swallowed and hoped it would be okay.

It had to be, right?

~

Servant hummed as the tub filled, twirling the scissors he found in the Market. His shoes and socks were already off and the humidity of the water was making the room muggy. Soon… he smiled. Soon he could leave, be done with this. Why hadn’t he listened to Enoshima earlier?

 _“Yes, that’s it…”_ She softly said, _“It’ll look so pretty.”_

Yes. Pretty. Shame he couldn’t find flowers to throw into the water. Oh well. He closed his eyes and wondered what kind of expression Hinata would make when he found him. Probably relief. Trash had to go; he was just a Servant, like that girl Sonia killed; he was no better than her. It was delusional of him to think otherwise.

The tub chimed, signalling the completion. Oh. Time was up. No time to wonder. It was time to exit stage right. Servant giggled and settled into the water, feeling his jeans soak and weigh him down. The water was warm and steamed rolled off, tickling his face. His hair floated in the water. Once he was gone he would probably submerge a bit.

Servant stretched his legs out and looked down. He would get his arm last. First… his thighs. The death in the warehouse flashed in his brain. Yes… his thighs… he’d mutilate those first…

With a wide smile, Servant lifted the scissors up high.

~

Hajime ran past the park, towards the main bridge. A cold feeling had settled over him and before he knew it, Hajime had started to run. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Hajime pushed his legs until the muscles burned, until the oxygen couldn’t get to his blood fast enough.

Entering the first island, Hajime stopped. Where did Komaeda go? He panted, his throat sharply aching with each exhale and inhale. Was the cottage too obvious? Maybe he was at the beach? The panic that filled him felt strange. Why was he panicking? Hajime wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t dismiss it. He felt like a timer was looming over his head, ticking down to an end. What that end was, Hajime wasn’t sure. Swallowing he closed his eyes. Think. He had to think. carefully Hajime pulled his luck out, the Ultimate ability that was fickle.

“Please…” Hajime whispered, “Please work.”

The cottages. Hajime opened his eyes. That was too obvious. He should doubt it. Hajime ran. He ran towards the hotel, his body protesting at the movement. His legs ached, but he pushed and ran. Hajime nearly tackled the gate open and without a thought, ran to Komaeda’s cottage.

If Hajime had the time he’d knock, but he didn’t. Hajime sent a short apology to Komaeda and using a strength that no normal person possessed, he kicked the door open. The lights were off, except for the bathroom, a dim light floated out. Hajime raced in and nearly ripped the door off the hinges.

His breath wheezed out of his lungs.

Komaeda looked up, the scissors hovering over his thighs. The scene clicked and Hajime immediately raced over. Komaeda lowered the scissors and tried to scramble back, but Hajime grabbed his hand, trying to wrestle the scissors away.

“Komaeda! Let go!” Hajime yelled.

“No!” Komaeda stared back, eyes swirling and milky with Despair, “And its Servant!”

Great. He changed his name. Again. Hajime held back a groan. Of all the times…

“Why do you even care?” Komaeda continued to yell, “Enoshima is right, I need to go. I’m worthless. I need to be punished. I need to DIE. WHY WON’T YOU LET ME DO THAT?”

Enoshima? This was worse than Hajime thought. He pushed that away. Later.

“No, that’s wrong!” Hajime replied, “You don’t need to die. You’re not worthless.”

He wrestled the scissors out of Komaeda’s grasp. Easily grabbing them back, Hajime shoved them into his back pocket. Komaeda tried to scramble, to grab them, but Hajime quickly grabbed him, hoisting him up. The water soaked right through his shirt and a bit in his pants. Hajime didn’t care. Komaeda squirmed.

“Let me go. You’re stopping me from Hope. From Hope Hinata!” Komaeda wheezed, “I’m worthless. You don’t want me. No one wants me around. I can die and be a small drop in the building of Hope.”

This… Hajime walked out of the bathroom and shoved Komaeda onto the bed. “Dying isn’t hope. The only thing death gives is death. Nothing more or less.”

Komaeda opened his mouth to reply, but Hajime effectively, and as safely as he could, knocked him out. Komaeda’s eyes widened for a second before they closed and he fell limp into the bed.

Hajime wiped his face. It was wet from Komaeda’s hair. He’d dry off later. Immediately he got to work. Locating where the arm met with the metal, Hajime took Komaeda’s left arm. He had no clue how long Komaeda would be knocked out, but preventive measures were needed. Hopefully Komaeda had something around, if not he did. Hajime opened his drawers. Clothes… clothes... metal? Hajime pulled out a pair of handcuffs. Why? No, he didn’t want to know. Not like he could judge. He too had handcuffs at least for safety reasons.

Handcuffing Komaeda to the bed, Hajime immediately went into the bathroom and drained the tub. He then took the scissors and crumbled them into a ball of useless metal. Everything was crashing down on him. He wanted sleep but he couldn’t leave Komaeda now.

It was going to be a very long night.

Hajime grabbed the chair and collapsed into it, limply sinking. Setting the arm onto the desk, Hajime sighed. All the energy in his body was gone and he was left a jellied shell of himself. A small voice told him to get out of the clothes. He could get sick.

“Shit. Shit. SHIT.” Hajime smacked his hand weakly against his leg, “I was an idiot to let him leave. If I had been a few minutes later… it could have…”

The water hadn’t even started to show a hint of blood, but Hajime felt a new-found sympathy for Sonia. That was close. Too close. His mind was spiralling and turning in circles. Everything was grey. It was going down hill and Hajime wanted to find a solution, but it was like a tangled ball of yarn. How was he going to do this? He had no idea where to start, where things were tangled and connected. Would it be worth it? Would it be better to just take scissors and snip his way out of the mess?

Scissors… Hajime nearly threw up at the image.

“Hinata!” Sonia rushed in, “Your clothes! And is that Komaeda’s arm?” She pointed to the metal on the table.

“Sonia.” Hajime slowly turned his head. He had left the door open, huh? “Please, if you don’t mind, a towel?”

“On it.” She raced inside and stared at Komaeda for a moment before she went into the bathroom.

Silence. Hajime soaked it up, trying to bathe his mind in the quiet. Everything felt like it was kicked into overdrive, electric currents flowing and bouncing through his head. His arms ached as the phantom weight of Komaeda’s body lingered, heavy, wet, and tense. Knocking Komaeda out was good, but taking his arm was yet another precaution. In a moment, when his body didn’t feel like falling over, he’d have to make a trip to the pharmacy. The pharmacy for sedatives... would that really be the answer? He couldn’t keep sedating Komaeda. They had to find the source of the problem and work from there.

“Here!” Sonia announced, passing a towel over. “I’m sorry. We were worried and…”

“Hajime!” Owari rushed in, “We’re sorry we got worried and…” She paused. “What happened?”

“What ever it is,” Kuzuryuu added, walking inside, “You look like shit. It’s Komaeda, right?” He eyed the room, “Never mind…”

Time to tell the events. Hajime groaned. “Just wait a second.”

“That’s fine.” Sonia took a seat on the bed and handed the towel over, “Souda is arriving soon.”

He nodded and taking the towel, Hajime began to wipe his arms and neck. The front of his shirt was soaked, taking the most damage. The top part of his pants was also wet, but only damp. Hajime shifted and wished he could ask for clothes, but he didn’t have that luxury. Hajime settled on putting the towel over his shoulders, letting it soak the water from his shirt.

“Hey, sorry I’m here!” Souda burst in, as if on cue. “What happened?” He glanced at the desk “Why is Komaeda’s arm on the desk?”

“Hajime’s going to tell us.” Kuzuryuu said.

Souda leaned against the wall and Hajime took a deep breath. Everyone had arrived. Time to… tell them. “Basically, I walked in on Komaeda, sitting in the tub, a pair of scissors ready to cut open his thighs.”

“What?” Souda gaped, “Are you telling me that Komaeda was…” He paled.

“Is Komaeda all right?” Sonia pressed, leaning forward.

“I stopped him before he did anything.” Hajime replied, “I knocked him out and then… handcuffed him to the bed. I also took his arm just to be safe.” He gestured to the bed, “As you can see.”

“You knocked him out?” Owari stared.

“He was in a fit of Despair.” Hajime sighed, “His eyes, I could tell. They were so glossed over and he was yelling. He mentioned hearing Enoshima’s voice.”

“Enoshima?” Kuzuryuu repeated with a tinge of horror.

“Isn’t this like the second time you’ve had to knock Komaeda out?” Souda asked.

“Yes…” Hajime groaned, “I have no idea what to do; he won’t talk to me about it and he’s gone on and on about punishment and now this attempt. I cannot leave him alone. He’ll try again.”

“We can’t leave him.” Sonia exclaimed, “I don’t want him hurting himself.”

“He’ll be out for a while. Trust me.” Hajime grimaced, “But you’re right. I should keep an eye on him.”

“Oh, no you don’t. You sit your ass back down now.” Kuzuryuu snapped.

Hajime blinked and looked. Kuzuryuu was standing up, arms crossed, “You’re soaked. You’re tired. You’ve had enough excitement for one day. You’re going to your cottage, having a long hot bath, and sleeping. I’ll go watch Komaeda for the night. Give me the Master Key.”

Kuzuryuu was going to... Hajime shook his head. Kuzuryuu knew self defense. clearly, he had to but he could still be taken by surprise. Plus, he was used to someone there to back him up.

“No.” Hajime automatically replied.

“I don’t believe you have an option in this.” Kuzuryuu glared, “If you’re worrying about me, don’t. I can handle Komaeda for the night. If anything happens I’ll get you. I swear.”

Hajime opened his mouth, but Kuzuryuu gave a levelling glare that stopped him. This was about more than his health, wasn’t it? Kuzuryuu had his arms crossed and eyes furrowed, but Hajime saw the conflicting light in his eyes. He needed to be useful, to help Hajime out by being guard. Slowly Hajime reached into his pocket and tossed the Master Key.

“Fine. But I have a condition. You’re not watching Komaeda alone. Take someone with you.”

Kuzuryuu gaped, but he nodded slowly, “… fine. Kazuichi, you’re staying with me.”

“Me?” Souda pointed, “Oh… fine…”

“Thank you.” Hajime sincerely said. “Then I’ll leave it to you.”

“Right.” Souda muttered.

Hajime sunk into the chair. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off; he was exhausted. He could have fallen asleep right in the chair, but Hajime forced himself to take a few deep breaths.

“The pharmacy…” He groaned. He’d have to get some sedative…

“Write which one. I’ll grab it.” Sonia firmly said, “I think I can do that much.”

“I don’t want you mixing it up.” Hajime protested.

“I’ll grab it and show you.” Sonia said.

“Okay…”

Hajime reached over and pulled a pencil and paper pad from the desk. Quickly he wrote the name down. “It’s in a blue bottle.”

“Okay. Owari?”

“Right.”

The two ran out of the cottage. Hajime felt his eyes droop, but he forced himself to stay awake. Silence filled the room and Hajime was sure even if they wanted to they wouldn’t be able to. Owari and Sonia returned just as Hajime was about to fall asleep. Forcing his brain to work, Hajime read the label and nodded.

“Ok. Good. Now bed.” Kuzuryuu glared. “I don’t want to see your ass until you’ve had at least eight hours of sleep. I’m counting them.”

Right… Hajime exited. Digging into his pocket, Hajime pulled his cottage key out and refused to look at Komaeda’s cottage. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Owari and Sonia walk out, chatting quietly. It was out of his control for now. Hajime walked into his cottage and stared. A bath sounded good but he’d fall asleep in the tub.

Peeling off his clothes, Hajime threw the wet clothes into a basket and quickly showered, letting the hot water roll off him before he dried off, put on clean clothes and went to bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

~

Nagito woke to his head pounding and his mouth dry, like cotton was shoved inside. His arm was uncomfortably twisted and he was lacking a familiar weight on his left. His eyes opened and the room blurred for a moment. He had… Nagito started to laugh as the memories flooded his brain. He couldn’t even kill himself properly. Well his plan in the Program was better. It would be expected this attempt would fail.

“You’re awake.” Kuzuryuu’s firm voice filled the room, “You’re not about to do anything strange.”

“Strange?” Nagito tested the word before laughing.

What had he done? He leaned back. He was upset at Hinata but that didn’t warrant an attempt on his life. Enoshima had gotten to him. His heart twisted and ached, relief and disappointment swirled inside of him until it muted into a resolve.

He couldn’t pretend Enoshima wasn’t there anymore. He had crumbled because of a lack of firmness and a voice to counter hers. She wasn’t going away any time soon and he couldn’t hide it anymore. He needed someone. He needed Hinata.

The admittance burned his heart, but he ignored it and looked over. Kuzuryuu sat with arms folded over his chest. Souda was fiddling with his left arm. So that’s where it went.

Swallowing and wincing at the dryness of his throat, Nagito opened his mouth, “I… I want to see Hinata.”

“Hinata’s resting.” Kuzuryuu replied, “It’s been six hours and seventeen minutes since he left. I told him to not come back until he had at least eight hours of sleep.”

“Fine. After. I want to talk to him when he’s awake.” Nagito resigned and shut his eyes.

Enoshima wasn’t in his head for now. He could try to sleep or he could pump them for information.

“So, what happened?”

“I think you know.” Kuzuryuu shot back. “Why don’t you tell me instead?”

Nagito frowned. So much for that idea. He closed his eyes and tried to push everything away.

~

Hajime woke up. His brain was muddled and his body sore. The events from the night before seeped into his body, staining him. Komaeda. The attempt. Hajime checked the clock. Only seven hours and twelve minutes had elapsed. Kuzuryuu meant it sitting up Hajime shoved that away. He could trust them for another hour or so.

Walking to his bathroom, Hajime stared at the tub. The image of Komaeda sitting there with scissors positioned over his thigh danced in his mind. Hajime groaned and carefully shoved it away. He wasn’t going to be afraid.

He let the tub fill. Once it was done Hajime showered and sunk into the tub, sighing at the heat. The tension in his muscles started to disappear slowly. If he hurried, he could get breakfast in. Hajime closed his eyes. He was going to take it slow.

Hajime lost track of how long he was in the tub. He exited when he felt a significant drop in temperature. Drying off, Hajime checked the time. It was later than he thought. Slowly he dressed and walked out of his cottage. He would be relatively on time. Walking to the cottage, Hajime opened the door. Kuzuryuu looked up and sighed, standing.

“Fine. Your eight hours are done. I’m going to bed.”

“Me too…” Souda set the metal arm down.

“Finally,” Komaeda muttered.

Hajime waited until the door shut before he looked at Komaeda. “You’re awake.”

“Yes. And I want to talk to you.”

He was being rather blunt. Hajime walked over and sat down, “Okay. I’m listening.”

“I… I’ve been hearing Enoshima in my brain. Ever since I remembered well being Ultimate Despair.” Komaeda spoke, “She’s been feeding me ideas and pushed me to the tub…”

Komaeda sucked in a breath, “I know it’s wrong of me to keep it from you and even worse for me to ask this of you but I need you to counter her.”

“Counter her?” Hajime asked, “What?”

“I need you to tell me when I’m straying from the tight rope. I need you to make sure I stay in place. If Enoshima is the devil on my shoulder, I want you to be the angel.”

“Okay…” Hajime slowly processed it, “And what do you propose I do as your angel?” That sounded corny.

“Punish me.” Komaeda replied, “Like you always do. I need you to punish me as you see fit. When I do things wrong. When I speak rudely. I need discipline.”

Punish him. Hajime sighed. This again. The same thing Komaeda sprouted about Kamukura.

“Please, I need you to hit me or hurt me or anything… just… please. I don’t want to hear her anymore. I need you to help me.”

Hajime buried his face in his hands, let out a long exhale, before running his hands slowly down his face. Pressing his hands together, almost in prayer, Hajime refocused his gaze. Komaeda was still lying there, staring at him, unblinking. There was nothing on his face, no hint that he would start to laugh, or tell Hajime he was joking. A beat passed before Hajime relocated his words, breaking the silence.

“Are you serious Komaeda?”

“Yes, is it so hard to believe that I am?”

Yes, Hajime wanted to snap, something blistering building inside of him. Yes, it was. The last twenty-four hours had drained him emotionally and physically. Hajime wanted a month-long nap. Wait, no he wanted at least three months without a single hint of stress. It was a futile wish, one that he probably wouldn’t get for a while. Still… he had hoped that with Komaeda recovering things could slow down not speed up and smack him in the face.

“No.” Hajime immediately replied. “Not doing it.”

“You have to.” Komaeda shot back, “It’s for my health. Aren’t you supposed to care for your patient?”

“I do care for you.” Hajime sighed, “But this request isn’t it. You’re going to get hurt. You’re still recovering.”

“I prefer to call it permission for discipline.” Komaeda replied, “And this will only help me get better.”

“I don’t care what you call it.” Hajime firmly said, “I’m not doing it. If we’re good I’m going to get Sonia or Owari to watch you. I want food.”

Turning around Hajime walked to the door. Everything was a mess. Even as he closed his eyes Hajime could see Komaeda sitting in the tub, knife positioned over his thighs. The urge to swear and break something filled Hajime and he smothered that side of him down. Destroying things was not going to fix it.

“You had no problem punishing me when you were Kamukura.”

He let out a snarl, his stomach twisting as Komaeda’s words hit him in a fleshy, tender part. Hajime felt his lips pull over his teeth. How dare Komaeda use that. Use faded memories that weren’t technically his to push his strange request. He opened his mouth, to tell Komaeda that bringing up Kamukura wasn’t helping his case except Komaeda’s eyes were swirling and he was smiling. Hajime groaned. This was how he thought he’d get him to agree?

“You’re not bringing that up.”

“Why not?” Komaeda pressed, “You’re running away from this Kamukura. I’m asking for your help Kamukura, begging you and you’d shove me away? You once told me I’m yours Kamukura. Was that a lie?”

Hajime saw white. He crossed the room and grabbed Komaeda, pulling him up. Komaeda started to laugh, eyes spiralling downward. This… Hajime let him go. That was how Komaeda wanted to play this.

“Fine. I’ll consider your request. In the mean time, you’re not going to call me Kamukura.”

Komaeda opened his mouth and then shut it, nodding, “All right, Hinata.”

Even with the sleep, Hajime felt fatigue fill him. He sighed, “I’m going to get Owari or Sonia to watch you. Stay put.”

He didn’t wait for a response. If Komaeda was serious he’d listen to this simple request. Exiting Hajime shut the door and focused on finding one of the girls. He needed time to think away from Komaeda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saionji: I wrote briefly about it in another fic, but I headcanon Saionji broke one of her legs badly while Despair. That way she can't dance. She has a leg brace... think... Tsubasa's Chess world or Godchild...
> 
> Koizumi: I headcanon that while she was Despair she cut some of her fingers off so she can't properly take photos or hold the camera.
> 
> Kamukura: This is purely Liarde and I... but I hope I sort of explained a bit why Kamukura let Servant stick around. I'll expand on it later...
> 
> Singing: I could not help but make a fun reference to Komaeda's Japanese voice. Also, fun fact, Hajime's English voice (Johnny Yong Bosch) is in a band... so... double voice reference at once.


	7. Boundaries and Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I really liked writing this chapter, even though I didn't get to a lot of... Hinata following Komaeda's request... that will come later. Either way, this was fun. I always enjoy building things up, and I'm doing a lot of that here. The dream was the most fun, and I cannot wait to write more of it.
> 
> Also, just as a precaution, because I like giving warning, I'm not quite sure when I'll get the next bit out. I hope soon, however I do have a friend coming to visit me starting at the end of next week. We'll be in Tokyo for a few days after I show my prefecture off, so writing this might be sparse, especially since I'm going to flip back to writing the next bit of Moving. But, I shall try to write more of this soon!
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a kudos or a comment. They always make my day!

Everything, the request, the attempt, mixed in his mind like muddied paint water. Komaeda’s words ran in his head on a loop before it just became static noise, a backdrop to the turmoil in his mind. Hajime couldn’t comprehend anything, didn’t want to pick it a part. At least, not yet. He had to establish some form of control over his thoughts, prioritize things. The first thing: finding someone to watch Komaeda. The last thing Hajime wanted was a repeat of the tub and scissors.

He found Owari and Sonia at the ranch, sitting on the fence, staring at the emptiness. Even though the files for the Program stated there was at least a cow at the ranch, here only a couple of chickens. Hajime rubbed his head. Maybe he’d have to ask Naegi if getting some more animals if possible. Nothing too hard to handle, but something to cheer them up. He smiled. When Tanaka woke up he’d appreciate that. Maybe he could use that angle.

“Hajime!” Owari called out, “I thought I heard someone.”

“Uh, hello.” Hajime tucked the thought away. “How are you?”

“We should be asking you that.” Owari eyed him. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did.” Hajime honestly answered, “I already saw Komaeda. I need some time away from him. Do you think one of you can go and watch him?” Hajime cringed at his wording. It was like asking them to babysit.

“We will.” Sonia easily accepted. “Both of us. Though is Komaeda all right? I mean…” She rubbed her thighs.

Hajime swallowed, “I told him to sit put. He…” Hajime shoved back wariness, “He will listen.”

“All right.” Owari simply nodded her head, “We’ll go now.” She stood up, “Hajime.”

“Yes?”

“We’re here for you. If you need someone to listen to. We’re always here. Don’t bottle it up. It must have been very shocking, seeing Komaeda ready to attempt suicide.”

Her words were clear, intention unable to be skewed. Hajime felt his heart ache a bit. He couldn’t do that to them everyone had a lot to worry about already but a small, rational part, told him it was fine. They were his friends. Their help the night before filled his mind. He couldn’t push them away. Not because they helped him, but because they genuinely cared.

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” He replied with a soft smile. “Thank you. For agreeing to look after Komaeda. He’s probably hungry.”

“We got this Hajime.” Sonia gently said, “We’ll stay with him until you come back.”

He nodded, feeling the ache in his heart turn into warmth.

~

Nagito turned his head as the door opened, revealing Sonia and Owari. He exhaled. It was the obvious outcome. Hinata had fled the room without a single word, probably over thinking the request. Nagito’s lips twisted. It was a simple request. It shouldn’t be this hard to get Hinata to agree, yet here he was. He shook his head. No, Hinata would be back. In the mean time at least he had company. Sent by Hinata to make sure he didn’t do anything, sure, but company none the less. Still, he couldn’t stop a bit of a twitch in his heart. Hinata told him to stay put and he was going to follow that order, show Hinata that his request would work in the end.

_“What a dog… so eager to follow orders…”_

Enoshima spoke but her voice felt far away like she was talking through a tunnel or pipe. Nagito didn’t feel the sting of her words as harshly as before. It was like Hinata’s order was blanketing him, cushioning the impact. He smiled.

“Hello Komaeda.” Sonia smoothed her skirt as she gracefully sat in the chair. “How are you feeling?”

No doubt she knew what he had tried to do yet her question rang sincerity. Bitter words threatened to seep up but Nagito focused on the sincerity in her voice and shoved it away.

“I’ve been better.” He replied.

“That’s a start.” Sonia smiled. “Are you hungry?”

“Uh…” Nagito looked down. He last ate at the karaoke night.

“Well, I am.” Owari piped up, “I’m going to grab some food. I’ll grab some for you too. That way when you do get hungry you can eat.”

“Thank you.” Nagito said.

Owari left leaving Sonia with him. He watched as Sonia stood up looking around the cottage hands clasped at her front. She didn’t poke at anything, merely walked around, eyes trailing when she reached the desk and book shelf.

“We put random books here.” She muttered, “Have you read any of them?”

Nagito shook his head. “No, I haven’t.”

“Would you like me to read one?” Sonia asked. “Only if you want.”

There was no harm. Nagito nudged her with a head gesture. “Sure. Pick one.”

“Okay… let’s see…” Sonia hummed, scanning the shelf, before reaching down, picking a book up, “Here! It’s a collection of short stories.”

“Sounds good.” Nagito encouraged.

Sonia returned to the chair and sat down, opening the book. “Any particular one?”

“I don’t even know which are inside.” Nagito blandly said. “I trust your judgement.”

“Okay!” Sonia beamed and flipped open the book, “This one.”

Nagito got comfortable in the bed and closed his eyes, letting Sonia’s calm voice fill the room.

~

Hajime didn’t mean to end up back at the beach. Going to stare at the ocean to sort his thoughts out felt like a cliché millions of movies and books had described brooding heroes doing. Rubbing his head Hajime sat by the beach house on the front steps covered by a bit of shade.

The remains from the party were still there. Thankfully the food was gone not just left out to rot in the sun and be eaten by bugs. However, the blankets, stereo system, and lanterns were left out. The table still had things littered on it. Hajime eyed the system. It would be bad to leave it out in the sun. Also, it would ruin Souda’s work.

Standing up, Hajime began to move the system inside the beach house. They’d have to move it back later, probably to the music venue, but for now it was out of the heat. Next, he started to fold the blankets doing his best to brush off as much sand as possible.

The routine both numbed his mind and allowed him to concentrate. All unnecessary thoughts disappeared, leaving Hajime with the core: Komaeda’s request. Did Komaeda really think being ‘punished’ for things he would do or things he would say was a helpful solution? It felt more like the idea of someone desperate than a rational idea.

Though what did Komaeda count as ‘punishment?’ Hajime paused. Earlier Komaeda had begged to be hurt, asking for physical violence, but did he really mean that? Was that really what he wanted or was that what he thought he wanted?

Hajime shook his head. Did that matter? Komaeda was set on it. He had demanded it and Hajime wasn’t sure he could persuade him otherwise. He could go with the option test out Komaeda’s request. Maybe after indulging him for a bit Komaeda would let the idea drop. It was idealistic but Hajime was hopeful which many would consider a form of idealism.

~

Hinata returned just as Sonia was finishing reading a third short story. A small stack of dirty dishes sat on the desk. Owari was dozing off in the corner and Sonia’s voice sounded a bit rough. It was perfect timing. Nagito watched as Sonia turned and Owari broke out of her head nodding to look up.

 _“Your boyfriend is back.”_ Enoshima’s voice came through. Nagito tuned her out.

“Hey.” Hinata gently said, “Thanks for helping. I’ll let you two rest.”

“It was no problem.” Sonia replied, standing up, giving a smile, “Can I continue these later?”

Nagito looked at the book. The short stories were interesting. He nodded, “Sure. Next time.”

Sonia clutched the book and walked out with it, followed by Owari who gave a small wave before shutting the door. Nagito turned his attention back to Hinata who had already sat down. His eyes were focused, gaze unwavering. His lips barely moved. Nagito held back a sigh. His expression might as well have been carved from marble.

“Did you consider my request?” Nagito tried carefully.

Hinata sucked in a deep breath and nodded, “Yes, I did.”

“And?” Nagito pushed.

Hinata looked at his hands for a second. Nagito looked down too. He remembered those hands, the soft skin, the strength lying beneath the skin, seeped into the bones and muscle. Nagito didn’t have to close his eyes to remember how it felt to have those hands on him, those hands touching him, wrapping around his neck. They never wavered, never shook. Nagito appreciated that with Kamukura; how he never hesitated.

Hinata’s hands were shaking a bit, a slight tremor, barely considered a problem to most. Except to Nagito.

“I’ll listen to what you have to say.” Hinata finally spoke, the steadiness in his voice betrayed by his hands. “See if it works out.”

Liar. The words were on the tip of his tongue. Hinata held reservations about it. Nagito looked away. He didn’t want to call him out. Rather he’d test him. If he called Hinata out that would start a fight. He had to corner Hinata in order to realize his way was the right one.

_“So, so, desperate to get him to hit you… do you want me gone that badly?”_

“Okay.” Nagito agreed, shoving her voice into a dark corner.

Silence fell in the room. Nagito watched as Hinata waited, clearly thinking he was going to take charge. Nagito sat still remembering what Hinata told him earlier to stay put. The silence stretched until Hinata sighed and stood up.

“Well? Shall we start?”

“Start?” Nagito asked sweetly. “Sure. As soon as you tell me to move.”

“What?” Hinata blinked before he groaned. “Right. I told you to stay put earlier. Fine.” Hinata straightened his stance, “Stand up. Show me what you consider a punishment.”

Nagito hid a smile and stood up, stretching. His legs ached from sitting almost all day but he didn’t mind. Turning to Hinata, Nagito paused. He couldn’t ask something too extreme right away. Start light, work him up.

“Fine. Hit me Hinata.” Nagito requested.

Hinata blinked, “Anywhere?”

He was taking it rather well. Maybe Hinata had more of a resolve than he thought. Hinata took a few steps forward and without hesitation slapped Nagito on the shoulder. It stung a bit but was nothing to write home about. Plus, it was Nagito’s right arm. He frowned.

“Please, I’ve been hit by doors harder than what you just did.” Nagito taunted.

“You told me to hit you.” Hinata retorted. “You didn’t say how hard.”

Nagito blinked that was a good point. The punishment had to match the crime. “Okay. Fair. I want you to hit me again. Harder please.”

Hinata raised an eyebrow but repeated his motion. The slap was a bit harder than the last one, the sting leaving more of a mark, but it was lack luster. Time to lie a bit.

“Sonia was so annoying you know. Insisting on reading to me. I only said yes because there was nothing better to do. I can’t believe she actually thought I enjoyed it.”

The hit came, harder without warning and was more of a punch than a slap. Nagito felt the impact, felt the red blossom on his arm. He smiled and rubbed his arm a bit.

“Better.” Nagito said, “Punch me properly next time.”

Hinata sighed. “You lied.”

Was it that obvious? Nagito didn’t care. He was going to pursue the lie a bit longer. “No, I was telling the truth. Sonia is still trying to be the good girl the one who visits the sick. She wants everyone to think she’s such a great person. I believe I said this before in the hospital?”

Hinata’s hand twitched, but he didn’t move. Nagito held back a groan. Shame his Sonia taunt wasn’t working as well as he wanted. He would have to slowly switch it up.

“And look how she treats Souda. She knows the boy likes her. Yet she is kind, sweet, and treats him nicely. Isn’t that playing with his emotions? Stringing him along? And Souda isn’t any better. Doesn’t he know that liking her is a waste of time? He’s desperate, but then again, we all are, aren’t we? There are limited choices here and everyone needs to blow some steam off if you know…”

The punch landed squarely on his jaw. Nagito felt the pain, his jaw protest as he spiraled backwards, half falling on his desk, half on the chair. The pain was brilliant and it would slightly bruise later. Nagito tasted blood and he felt a surge of relief hit him. This was good. If a practice round left his heart fluttering, what would a real round do? One after he really did something wrong. Nagito’s gaze fell onto the bathroom. Well, he could see.

“Ouch Hinata…” Nagito felt his words slur a bit, “Don’t like the truth? And you got Souda to apologize to me.”

“You… I think we’re done here.” Hinata said.

“We are?” Nagito countered. “Hey, I got a question.”

“Okay.” Hinata allowed.

“Why did you save me?” Nagito asked, pointing to the bathroom. “Last night.”

“I think that’s obvious.” Hinata quickly replied. “I don’t want you to die.” He gave a bit of a smile. “Sort of a boring question, don’t you think? I thought you would ask something different.”

Boring. The word hit Nagito’s ears and made him smile, “I’ve missed hearing you say that saying something is boring. You always used to say that.”

“I…” Hinata’s brow furrowed, “I never…”

“When we were in the City before the Program. You would utter that occasionally, call the city boring or the people boring.”

“That was Kamukura.” Hinata carefully said. “Not…”

“You?” Nagito cut in, rolling his eyes, “This denial is rather painful. How long are you going to keep that up, Kamukura?”

Watching Hinata flinch at the name was so delicious. The way his eyes widened for a fraction of a second before narrowing, the subtle intake of breath. Nagito wanted to bottle the moment up and put it on a shelf.

“I told you to not call me that.”

“You told me to not call you that while you considered the request. That period is up.” Nagito smugly pointed.

“Don’t call me Kamukura.” Hinata immediately said.

“Or what?” Nagito pushed, watching Hinata’s hand slowly curl into a ball, “You’ll really punish me? Your hits so far have been rather pitiful. Or will you take it up a notch? Will you drag me by my hair? Break something inside me? Shove my face into a tub full of water?”

“No, I wouldn’t…” Hinata protested.

“Or will you choke me out? Like you always used to do?” Nagito touched his neck, “There is no chain this time, but I’m sure you’ll manage.”

“I’ve never choked you.” Hinata glared.

This denial… did Hinata think if he said it enough times he could deny Kamukura all together? Nagito stood up and walked closer to Hinata. Hinata didn’t move. Nagito invaded his space, hovering a bit. Leaning closer, Nagito let his voice drop.

“Don’t lie to me Kamukura. You always choked me. Dragged me around the city like I was some sort of pet. But you never wanted that. You told me that once. To deny this is like denying my memories.”

“Komaeda…”

“I suppose if you don’t want to choke me, you could always stab me like I tried to do. Not to kill me. You know, I once got my thighs cut up, I think. There are no scars but they tingle every so often. Maybe you can cut them up and give me scars?”

Hinata snapped. Nagito felt the punch, directly on his face, before he toppled over, falling onto the bed. Hinata shoved him down, grip strong on one of his wrists, the other hand pushing on his chest. Nagito gasped and looked up, laughing. This was good.

“T-That’s it Hinata.” Nagito giggled out breathlessly, “See? You got it. This is what I want.”

He watched as Hinata exhaled slowly, his chest rising and sinking in rhythm, before he got off the bed, staring at his hand. Nagito sat up, rubbing his chest. That would probably bruise a bit too.

“So, you want me to hurt you if you provoke someone?” Hinata finally asked his voice quiet.

Nagito shrugged, “Basically. I mean I’ll try to not say things on purpose, but I’m not delusional. Enoshima is still in my head. But this helps. I only heard her three times this morning. It was practically a monologue in my head before.”

“So just smack you when Enoshima is in your head? How will I know? Will I have to wait until you provoke someone? Or will you tell me?” Hinata asked a bit dryly.

“Not sure,” Nagito shrugged, “but this is just one part of my request.”

Hinata’s eyes widened and he looked over at the door, staring a bit too long before looking back at him, rubbing his hands on his pants, shuffling a bit. “Really? Dare I ask what the other part is? There is only one other part, right?”

Nagito laughed, “I think it is obvious. Order me around. You’ve already done that. I promise I’ll do my best to always listen to you.”

 _‘When Enoshima’s voice doesn’t threaten to overwhelm_ ’ hung in the air, like the blade of a guillotine. He could see Hinata’s mind connecting the dots. Nagito patiently waited, curling his hands behind his back, rocking a bit on his heels. He hadn’t changed out of his clothes since the night before and they had dried wrinkled. The fabric protested and crinkled as he moved.

“Okay.” Hinata slowly said, “Then I want you to take care of yourself. Eat, shower, sleep. Don’t hurt anyone including yourself. You’re free to do what you like otherwise; that hasn’t changed.”

“Yes Hinata.” Nagito said, like a child agreeing with their parents, “Anything else?”

“You’ll see me at least three times a day.” Hinata continued.

“Like a check in?” Nagito asked, “Morning, afternoon, and evening?”

“Sure,” Hinata shrugged, “but today you’re staying with me.”

Nagito felt a jolt in his heart. He was staying with Hinata? It was paper thin why Hinata wanted it. He wanted to make sure he wouldn’t try another attempt. It stabbed Nagito in the heart a bit. Here he was making sure Hinata understood he was serious about his request and Hinata was watching him regardless.

Oh well. Nagito nodded. If that was what it took for Hinata to feel fine, he’d allow it for the day.

“Okay. Are we done talking then? I’d like to change.” Nagito pointed to his clothes.

“Sorry.” Hinata winced, “I forgot to change those.”

“It’s fine. I’m sure that was the last thing on your mind.” Nagito patiently replied.

“Uh, anyways I’ll leave you to that. I’ll be waiting for you outside.” Hinata turned.

“What?” Nagito blinked, “You don’t need to leave we’re both...”

His words died and he felt a blush fill his cheeks. The memory of the kiss smacked him in the face. He forgot about that forgot about pushing himself onto Hinata during karaoke. No wonder Hinata didn’t want to be around while he changed.

“Forget it.” Nagito muttered, “You can wait outside. Sorry.”

Hinata opened his mouth, closing and opening it for a bit before he nodded numbly and walked outside, shutting the door. Nagito disjointedly walked over to his cabinet and pulled a drawer open, his heart pounding. Hinata obviously didn’t appreciate it and it was a mistake to have kissed him. Yet… Nagito pressed his fingers to his lips. They tingled and Nagito dropped his hand like he had been shocked.

He couldn’t allow himself to think anything other than Hinata didn’t like it. Other wise he would try again. Swallowing Nagito quickly pulled some clothes out and changed.

His lips still tingled.

~

Hajime leaned against the side of Komaeda’s cabin and pressed a hand to his cheeks. They were warm, flushed with blood. It was clear what caused Komaeda to stop mid sentence. The kiss. The one they shared during karaoke. Of course, Komaeda’s feelings wouldn’t disappear over night as well as his mistake in pushing Komaeda away.

The past day had drained him, but now, with some sleep, Hajime’s mind was re-working over the scenario. Komaeda had thought about kissing him, hadn’t rushed it, kissed like he meant it. Hajime groaned and pressed his hand to his lips.

Why was he analyzing this again? Sure, he should apologize for pushing Komaeda’s feeling so quickly, but why was he blushing? Hajime took a deep breath and shook his head, allowing the clean air to pass through his lungs. No, Komaeda was confusing everything with Kamukura, re-seeking something they had. Whatever that something was. Hajime didn’t need to know or encourage Komaeda. An apology was still in order, but afterwards Hajime would have to distance himself. He wasn’t what Komaeda was looking for.

The door opened pulling Hajime from his thoughts. Komaeda had changed. The clean clothes made him look better, less like he was falling a part. The apology sat heavy on his tongue but Hajime couldn’t find the energy to say it. Later.

“Let’s go.” Hajime said instead.

“Where to?” Komaeda asked.

“Uh… wherever you like.” Hajime concluded.

“I…” Komaeda paused. “The fourth island. I haven’t been there yet.”

Hajime tried to not cringe. The pictures in the files hadn’t done the place justice. It was worse in life, with pink and colour everywhere. Maybe he’d make it a project to at least tone down the neon. He’d have to add paint to his next order when he saw Naegi again.

“Okay,” Hajime agreed, “but be warned, it’s neon.”

“I saw the pictures.” Komaeda said like it was reassurance before his brow furrowed. “I mean it’s not worse in person, right?”

Hajime walked not answering Komaeda’s question. It was best for Komaeda to discover that on his own.

~

“What… is…” Nagito turned to Hinata and grimaced. “You could have warned me.”

Hinata was stifling a giggle. Nagito saw his shoulders lurch only to stop and his hand twitch like he was going to cover his mouth. Nagito glared, but also saw Hinata’s eyes linger on the island, narrowing a bit. Hinata was suffering too. That docked some of the pain down.

“It has to be seen to be believed.” Hinata settled.

“Right.” Nagito muttered, “Well we walked all this way… might as well…”

He gripped his cane, practically unneeded but just in case and proceeded. Hinata followed him and it made Nagito’s heart ease, knowing Hinata was suffering along side him.

~

Hajime flopped onto his bed. The day had gone better than he expected. The request still sat heavily on his mind, but he had to believe Komaeda would listen to him. His order in the morning felt solid like Komaeda was going to listen to him. Hajime had to believe he would. He couldn’t keep asking everyone to sacrifice their sleep. Rolling over, Hajime stared at the wall. Maybe he’d do a round just to check.

Getting up he walked out the door and walked over to Komaeda’s cottage. The lights were off. Walking closer Hajime closed his eyes and pressed his ear closer to the door. Carefully he pulled out a talent, most likely a music based one, and listened. It was faint but he could hear Komaeda’s breathing and shuffling in bed. He was asleep.

Hajime opened his eyes and shoved the talent back, feeling a bit of a rush in his head. He sighed. It was dark and late. He needed sleep. Walking back Hajime shut his door and immediately returned to his bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

~

_There were signs of life everywhere. From the cracks in the well walked sidewalks to the faded lines on the roads. An empty bottle rolled down the side before getting caught in an entanglement of roots from an over grown shrub. Outside the houses was laundry neatly hung to dry and cars sweltering in the heat._

_Hajime walked up a set of stairs to an overpass. Along the side was graffiti the symbol of people trying to make a mark on the world, disregarding where they did it. It was like a desperate cry of attention. Whose attention they wanted, Hajime wasn’t sure. He passed it and walked along the overpass._

_Up high he could see traffic in the distance, heat waves rolling off the cars, invisible wrinkles in the air. He could see the outline of buildings as the area slowly morphed into a business district, melting, distorting the line in the sky, making jagged cuts._

_Hajime walked and walked, letting the scenery pass him in an almost monochromic blur. People slowly seeped into the scene, chatter, lives, and agendas filling the air. Hajime paid no mind and walked down the street. His destination was uncertain, but he didn’t stop._

_Soon he found himself in closed by buildings and towers, cars, and people. The traffic flowed, both on the sidewalk and streets, people going both directions. Hajime still walked, everyone did, not stopping, not interacting. Merely shadows in a crowd, all a hidden book of personality and lives, barely touching, not stopping._

_Hajime kept walking, kept going. The sidewalk seemed to stretch on forever, but it didn’t matter. He moved along with the crowd, barely paying attention._

_Suddenly, someone ran into him. Hajime felt something run through his body. A shiver? He shouldn’t stop for too long. An apology, sure. One that would fill the air between two people for a fraction of a moment, before they continued along._

_He turned, the words on his lips, but couldn’t say them. Kamukura stood there, eyes down cast, staring at his arm, rubbing his shoulder. Hajime’s tranquility, his lack of everything stopped. Deep down, an urge, hot, red, pressing filled him._

_Run. Run now._

_Hajime didn’t wait for Kamukura to look. He turned around and began to run._

~

Hajime woke up, feeling a bit sweaty, his heart beating a bit too fast. That dream clearly wasn’t a memory. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. A dream. He had a normal dream. The kind most people had. The ones that didn’t make sense and weren’t just flashes of a life forgotten.

Rolling over he curled into a ball. The sun was too low in the sky. It was still too early to get up. Not that he wanted to get up. Everything with Komaeda weighed on his heart and mind, slowly dragging him down, like a brick tied to his ankle before he was tossed into a lake.

Closing his eyes, Hajime shoved that away. It wouldn’t do him any good to worry about Komaeda’s request or how Komaeda wanted him to carry it out. Right now, if he was going to be help to anyone he needed to sleep.

With that firm thought in mind. Hajime slowly let himself drift back into sleep.

~

Nagito woke up to the sound of someone knocking on his door the fist heavy and hard. Groaning he rolled over and put his extra pillow over his head.

“Go away…” Nagito tried to yell his voice muffled and slurred.

“Oh, come on Komaeda!” Souda’s voice rang through the door. “It’s like nine in the morning. I’ve been told to check your arm.”

Nagito scowled and pressed his pillow against his head harder. “Hinata said I was free to do what I want. I want sleep. Go away.”

“Komaeda…” Souda separated the syllables to his name, accenting it with a pound on the door, “Okay, fine I admit, Hajime didn’t send me. I want to see your arm. It’s been a while since I saw it. Please, you can stay in bed. I’ll be quick…”

If he said no Souda would keep on asking. Nagito groaned and sat up, dizzy. “Fine. One second…”

“No need.”

Souda unlocked the door, twirling a small tool, before pocketing it. Nagito frowned. “Are our doors that easy to lock pick?”

“No,” Souda replied, “but I got a way with things like this. Now, let’s see that arm.”

Nagito flopped down. Souda walked up and nudged him until he was on his stomach. Pushing him a bit over, Nagito had his arm horizontal on the bed while Souda sat on the chair, tools tinkering as he worked. Nagito closed his eyes and let Souda work, drifting off a bit. The sun was strong and no doubt Nagito would have to get up soon. If only to report to Hinata that he was fine.

“Hey,” Souda muttered, “turn a bit.”

Nagito listened and shifted. “Like this?”

“Yeah…” He continued to work.

The angle he was at was a bit uncomfortable. Nagito sighed and opened his eyes, watching Souda work. There was something tranquil about Souda working, moving and concentrated. It was fluid and in motion, something beautiful. Nagito turned his head. Souda stopped.

“You shifted a bit too much… here…” Souda’s hands touched his arm, calloused and warm, as he adjusted, “Perfect.”

It was strange. His voice was level, his gaze steady. Nagito thought back. Their interactions recently were limited and one of them resulting in getting punched followed by a tense apology.

“Hey, Souda.” Nagito tried.

“Yes?” He switched tools with ease.

“Are you still mad about earlier?”

“It’s fine.” Souda easily replied. “We’ve already apologized. Though, are you all right?”

“Me?” Nagito asked, “I’m great.”

 _“Liar.”_ Enoshima’s voice ghosted in his mind.

“Hajime said you were hearing… Enoshima in your mind.”

 _“Am I that popular?”_ Her voice was barely there.

Nagito swallowed. Hinata was trusting him to keep it together. To take care of himself. If he couldn’t last more than a day he really would be worthless. Nagito held onto the words; it was an order. Not that Hinata explicitly said it was but Nagito was going to take it as one. Orders were like lifelines as he floated in the ocean. He shoved Enoshima away.

“I got it under control.” Nagito firmly said. “We got it under control.”

“I figured.” Souda smiled a bit. “Hajime is always taking care of us. He’s spending a lot of time with you so…” Souda scratched his neck for a second, “I sort of want to ask a favour.”

“Favour?” Nagito perked. “You’re trusting me with a favour?”

“It’s not that special.” Souda backtracked, “Just make sure Hajime doesn’t wear himself down, okay? It’s hard for all of us and you’re seeing him the most.”

Souda’s word were born out of convenience, but it made Nagito’s heart flutter wildly. He was trusted with something. Komaeda smiled.

“Me?” His happiness leaked a bit into his voice like the sun dripping out.

“Yes, you.” Souda said, “Just… it’s a team effort from all of us, okay?” He stood up. “Done.”

Nagito sat up and flexed his hand. It didn’t feel any different, but he knew something had changed. Turning his wrist, he looked at Souda, who was packing up.

“Thank you.” Nagito said. “Though I don’t appreciate the early wake up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Souda muttered, “You’ll survive.”

~

Breakfast was a quiet affair with Kuzuryuu the only one with him. Hajime glanced at his clock. It was early so it was to be expected. After cooking quickly for the two of them Hajime enjoyed the tranquility Kuzuryuu was offering him, a peaceful, soothing air. Sectioning his grapefruit evenly, Hajime sprinkled some sugar and began to eat enjoying the tart and sweet taste. As they ate the sun sprinkled into the restaurant hinting at the heat the day would bring. Hajime would have to make something cold for everyone. Dehydration was the worse.

“Hey, Hajime.” Kuzuryuu broke their silence.

“Yes?”

“How’s… Komaeda?”

Ah. Hajime should have seen this question coming. “He’s stable. We spent the day together yesterday and talked some things out. Which I’ll have to tell everyone what he said.”

“You will?” Kuzuryuu sharply asked, “Is it problematic?”

Hajime opened it mouth to say it wasn’t, but clamped his jaw shut. Did he really consider the request to be ordered and smacked around a logical answer? He heard Kuzuryuu sigh.

“I figured…”

“It isn’t exactly…” Hajime quickly said, “It’s just…”

“If you say complicated I’m going to throw my spoon at you.” Kuzuryuu warned.

“Difficult to understand.” Hajime finished, not wanting a spoon thrown at him.

“I see,” Kuzuryuu muttered, “Well, what ever it is we’ll help you as best as we can, all right?”

Hajime winced. It was bad enough that Komaeda wanted him to smack him around. He didn’t want to think if he desired it from everyone else. Hopefully not. Hajime looked at his hand. It still tingled from the impact on Komaeda’s shoulder and face. Judging from Komaeda’s reaction it wasn’t perfect to what he envisioned. There was no way Hajime was going to let anyone else get dragged into the request. Maybe he could order Komaeda to only allow him to follow the request? That sounded like the best option. He’d have to run it by Komaeda later.

“And you’re fine having Komaeda alone?” Kuzuryuu pressed.

Hajime’s mind flashed the memory of the order. “He promised me. I trust him.”

Kuzuryuu blinked before shrugging, “Okay. If you do, I will too but if he pulls any of that shit again and you’re not around, I’ll beat him to a pulp okay?”

The words were supposed to encourage Hajime but all he could think of was Komaeda, potentially liking that. He bit his lip and repressed a shudder.

“Uh… okay.”

“Good.” Kuzuryuu returned to his meal.

~

Hajime left the restaurant and nearly bumped into Komaeda. Taking a few steps back, Hajime glanced at Komaeda. He was dressed, he looked like he slept well. Hajime looked at him directly. Komaeda shifted, rubbing his arm, a small smile on his face.

“Good morning Hinata.” Komaeda greeted.

“Good morning Komaeda.” Hajime replied, “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I did.” Komaeda answered before his lips twisted, “but tell Souda to not wake me up. Or pick the lock on my door.”

Souda did what now? Hajime sighed. “What did he want?”

“He wanted to check my arm.” Komaeda lifted his left arm.

“Of course,” Hajime muttered. “Fine. I’ll pass the message on. No promises though.”

Komaeda scowled but then brightened up, “Do you want to join me? To actually see if I’m following your orders?”

Hajime paused. He wanted to see the pods, but those could wait for a bit. Besides, Komaeda may be following the orders now but he never said Enoshima’s voice had disappeared. Hajime wasn’t foolish enough to assume she’d be gone easily. He nodded and walked back into the restaurant. Kuzuryuu shot a curious look, but he walked down the stairs leading to the lobby.

Komaeda immediately went to the kitchen. Hajime hovered by the door and watched as he started to grab things. Stepping inside Hajime hung back, watched Komaeda set everything up.

“You don’t have to stand so far.” Komaeda called out, “Come, join me.”

It was for the best. Hajime eyed the knife block. No doubt Komaeda wouldn’t try anything so soon and so obvious. He pushed that away. It was best to try and keep things positive.

“Sure.” Hajime agreed, walking over. “I’ll help you.”

Komaeda shuffled over, “I don’t know how to make the things you do so I’ll keep it simple.”

“Simple is good.” Hajime stared at the counter and grabbed an orange. “Want this peeled?”

“Sure.” Komaeda replied, “I just feel like fruit.”

“Okay.” Hajime agreed.

They worked in silence Komaeda helping him peel a few oranges before moving onto some bananas. Hajime bit his lip. Now that they were alone it was a good time to apologize for the karaoke night. Hajime sucked in a breath. It wasn’t a big deal; he could do this.

“Hey, Komaeda.”

“Yes?”

“I want to apologize, for karaoke night. I was thoughtless and pushed you away. I’m sorry.” Hajime said slowly.

Komaeda paused and set down a strawberry he was de-stemming and looked at him. His eyes were blank and his mouth set in a small smile. “No, it’s fine. I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn’t have done that.”

The kiss hung in the air, unspoken, the elephant floating in the air. Hajime ignored the atmosphere as it slowly crushed into him and smiled back.

“It’s fine. I’m good too.” Hajime transferred the oranges and bananas to a bowl. “Here, I’ll toast some bread. You can’t just eat fruit.”

Komaeda snorted and returned to the strawberries. “Fine. I’ll finish this up.”

~

Breakfast was eaten, Hinata appeased, and the day ahead of him. Nagito walked along the bridge, to the central island, his heart aching a bit. Hinata had to bring up the karaoke night. Nagito winced and looked at the sky. The warm blue only made his heart sink a bit more. Why did Hinata bring that up again? He was doing such a good job, pretending, ignoring it.

_“He just wants to make sure that you understand there is no way he’s interested in you.”_

Damn. Nagito sucked in a thin gasp of air. She was back.

 _“Well, you never really got rid of me, merely shoved me away.”_ Enoshima sighed. _“Did you really think your little request would work? A few stern words? A couple of slaps and punches?”_

No, he couldn’t listen to her. He already knew she wasn’t gone, merely subdued for a bit. This wasn’t a shocking revelation. It didn’t change the order Hinata gave him. Nagito continued to walk feeling a bit of warmth in his heart. He could do this.

 _“Sure, keep telling yourself that.”_ Enoshima said, her voice cutting in and out like static on a radio.

Nagito focused is attention on his destination. The third island was more than just a hospital and he wanted to see it. Sure, from his hazy memories, the third island was based on western movies, a genre Nagito hadn’t really watched a lot of. There was something so utterly foreign about the entire genre, that he never was interested.

Still, it was better than being stuck on the first island or revisiting the fourth one. Maybe he’d have to ask Hinata about re-painting some of the island. The rides looked functional and with Souda and Hinata, Nagito was certain that the rides would be safe too.

~

Everyone was fine, the pods in order, the lights blinking and on. Reports were read and Hajime half slumped in the chair turning off his brain. Even with multiple computers there was quite a bit to get through. Hajime rubbed his face a bit before standing up, stretching, and walking around the pods, half glancing inside and half not.

It was difficult to see everyone in a suspended sleep like the old fairy tales. Except no magic would wake them up. No kiss from true love no defeating of the evil just science and facts. Hajime wasn’t sure what was better.

Most of the pods were untouched and clean, though Hajime could see faint finger prints on Nidai’s and water stains on Pekoyama’s. He tried to ignore those. It felt like he was prying into his friend’s personal spaces. Sighing Hajime looked back at the screen.

How long? How much longer did they have to wait before everyone woke up? Komaeda waking up felt more like a stroke of luck than anything. Hajime snorted. It was luck but did that mean no one else would wake up?

No, he shook his head, positive thoughts. He had to keep positive even with all the stress weighing him down. Hajime had to stay positive and deal with one problem at a time. Starting once again with Komaeda. A meeting was in order just to warn everyone if they spotted him fulfilling Komaeda’s request.

~

“Hajime there is a limited amount of times you can spring random crap at us and call it a meeting.” Souda groaned. “Seriously, are you kidding me?”

“I wish.” Hajime winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan this. Komaeda asked me and…”

“You’re going to follow through with it?” Sonia asked.

“Yes.” Hajime answered. “I will.”

“And what? Hope that with enough kicks and punches you’ll get Enoshima out of him?” Kuzuryuu’s voice was painted with skepticism. “With both of your lucks cancelling each other out you’ll probably accidently send Komaeda back into a coma.”

Hajime grimaced. He hadn’t thought of that and quite frankly he didn’t want to ever think about that. “Look. He’s following my orders fine. He only wants me to punish him if he doesn’t.”

“Punish…” Owari muttered, “Sounds rather harsh.”

“His words, not mine.” Hajime defended himself. “I’ll just try. Maybe I can convince him this isn’t the way.”

Kuzuryuu snorted. “Good luck. He’s stubborn.”

Souda coughed suspiciously, “Well, I guess we can’t do anything about it though he doesn’t expect us to be a part of this, right?”

Sonia paled. Hajime quickly interjected. “No, no. I’ll be the only one. I’m sure he only wants me. Don’t worry about that.”

“Well, now that we got that settled, anything else?” Kuzuryuu warily asked.

“I’m done.” Hajime sat down.

Sonia raised her hand, “I was wondering, I know we shouldn’t do it considering Naegi-san will be in a lot of trouble should we be discovered, but can we contact them? At least tell them Komaeda is up?”

Hajime blinked. He also hadn’t thought of that. The turmoil and stress had clouded everything. That was a good idea. They were left with a line that was secret and secure. It ran directly to Kirigiri and if anyone could keep something obscure it was her.

“We should have done that earlier.” Hajime groaned, “You’re right. We should. Give them some good news.”

“Yeah and ask when we’ll have a secret supply of stuff shipped to us.” Souda muttered, “Let’s do it!”

“Okay.” Kuzuryuu looked at Hajime, “Do you mind if I do it myself? Not all of us need to be there.”

That was for the best. The sooner the better. If all of them tried to be together at the same time, it would take too long and get side tracked.

“Sure.” Hajime nodded, “I’ll leave that to you.”

~

_He wasn’t sure how the arm survived the crushing but he didn’t care. Servant stared at the arm sitting on the cleanest cloths he could find. Too bad Tsumiki wasn’t there with him but Servant had retained some of her medical talks. Looking at the table he thought his plan again. Once he started pain would cloud everything. First… sterilization. He had looted the nurse’s office and still found some sterilized equipment. It wasn’t anything hospital grade, but it would do. Next, he had found a hack saw in the garden shed._

_With ease he sterilized the hack saw before stuffing the cotton and fabric into his mouth. He was not going to bite his tongue off. Next, he poked his arm. He had cut off the blood flow the moment he walked into the school the thin ribbon of fabric acting like a guiding mark. He poked his arm. Numb, pale from lack of blood. It was now or never._

_Afterwards he’d have to sew the arm on through the pain but Servant had trust in his luck. With a gagged chuckle he grabbed the hack saw. It was time._

~

Nagito woke up, clutched his arm, and ran his fingers over the smooth, cold metal. It was just a memory. It was in the past. Nagito could feel the ghosting whispers of pain. He had cut his arm off with a hack saw. That had to have hurt. For once Nagito was thankful for the barrier of dream to memory. He didn’t want to remember that. He wanted to focus on the future. On the now. Nagito ran his hand over the metal slowly and surely like someone petting a skittish cat or dog. The metal was acting like an anchor to his mind.

 _“Oh wow, ouch.”_ Enoshima commented. _“That must have hurt.”_

Not her… Nagito groaned and wanted to push her away but the memory was still circulating in his mind, vicious and heavy.

 _“I’m actually impressed, you know.”_ Enoshima continued. _“That you managed to get my arm after all of that. Must have been your luck.”_

Nagito’s head was still spinning, spiralling. He couldn’t stop her from talking.

_“Hey, maybe you could go for the other arm? Get a matching set of metal arms? There has to be another hack saw around here…”_

That… no… Nagito didn’t want to cut his arm off. Now that he was lucid he could feel the sadness in his stomach, burning at the memory of cutting his left arm off.

 _“You can’t cry over that now.”_ Enoshima scolded. _“Reason number one to why you’re such a useless person. The only people who cry over the past are cowards.”_

No, he wasn’t useless. Nagito felt the fingers of sleep start to creep up in his mind. He wasn’t following Hinata’s order, to sleep to take car of himself. He had to focus on that.

_“Oh please. Hinata just said that so he doesn’t have to worry about you. He could care less.”_

Nagito’s heart stopped. She was wrong. Hinata wouldn’t. Enoshima was laughing in his mind. Why was she back so easily? One awkward morning and one terrible dream later. Nagito wanted her silence, just like when Hinata gave the orders…

He stood up and walked outside half shivering at the cool breeze that hit him. He walked over to Hinata’s cottage and knocked as loudly as he could. Stepping back, Nagito waited, hoping Hinata would answer.

The door opened. Hinata stood there, clad in a shirt and blue boxers. Nagito squeezed his eyes and forced himself to talk.

“S-sorry… I know it’s late…”

“Komaeda. It’s fine. Come in.” Hinata offered.

Nagito stepped inside and felt the warmth of the cabin fill him. His bare feet curled against the wood as Hinata shut and locked the door before turning to him.

“Is something wrong?” Hinata asked.

“I…” Now that he was here, Nagito felt foolish, like a child seeking their parent’s bed after a nightmare, he too was seeking someone he trusted. “I had a dream.” He mumbled.

“Not a pleasant one I take it?” Hinata asked.

 _“No shit Sherlock.”_ Enoshima’s voice sang. _“Hey, you’re in his room again. Try going for a kiss. Maybe you’ll be successful this time.”_

“I…” Nagito paled. He couldn’t do that. Hinata would shove him away, kick him out.

“It’s fine.” Hinata easily said. “You don’t have to talk about it.” He scratched his head. “Though I suppose technically you’re not following my order.”

Nagito’s heart stopped. Hinata was right. Something warm slowly trickled in. Would Hinata…?

“I’m joking. This isn’t your fault.” Hinata gave a small smile. “You can stay with me, if that makes it better? Falling asleep after a nightmare alone isn’t fun.”

Nagito’s heart was dead. Why was Hinata doing this? Stay with him? After he revealed his feelings? Yet, Hinata’s voice was warm, no teasing, no alternative motives. Nagito nodded. This had to be a punishment. Yes, that was it. He wasn’t following the order…

“Okay.” Nagito glanced around. “Should I take the floor?”

“The…” Hinata’s eyes widened. “No, the beds are big enough for two. Come on.”

Following Hinata, Nagito gingerly got in the other side. The blankets were a bit cold but Hinata slipped in and Nagito could feel the warmth radiating off him.

_“Wow. From one stolen to kiss and now to sharing a bed. You two move rather fast.”_

No, this was because he didn’t follow an order. Nagito let that comfort fill him. Yes, this was just part of his punishment. Nagito laid down, closing his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Hinata’s closeness.

Sleep came easily and dreamless.

~

_There were signs of life everywhere. From the cracks in the well walked sidewalks to the faded lines on the roads. An empty bottle rolled down the side before getting caught in an entanglement of roots from an over grown shrub. Outside the houses was laundry neatly hung to dry and cars sweltering in the heat._

_Hajime walked up a set of stairs to an overpass. Along the side was graffiti the symbol of people trying to make a mark on the world disregarding where they did it. It was like a desperate cry of attention. Whose attention they wanted Hajime wasn’t sure. He passed it and walked along the overpass._

_Up high he could see traffic in the distance, heat waves rolling off the cars, invisible wrinkles in the air. He could see the outline of buildings as the area slowly morphed into a business district, melting, distorting the line in the sky, making jagged cuts._

_Hajime walked and walked, letting the scenery pass him in an almost monochromic blur. People slowly seeped into the scene, chatter, lives, and agendas filling the air. Hajime paid no mind and walked down the street. His destination was uncertain, but he didn’t stop._

_Soon he found himself in closed by buildings and towers, cars, and people. The traffic flowed, both on the sidewalk and streets, people going both directions. Hajime still walked, everyone did, not stopping, not interacting. Merely shadows in a crowd, all a hidden book of personality and lives, barely touching, not stopping._

_Hajime kept walking, kept going. The sidewalk seemed to stretch on forever, but it didn’t matter. He moved along with the crowd, barely paying attention._

_Suddenly, someone ran into him. Hajime felt something run through his body. A shiver? He shouldn’t stop for too long. An apology, sure. One that would fill the air between two people for a fraction of a moment, before they continued along._

_He turned, the words on his lips, but couldn’t say them. Kamukura stood there, eyes down cast, staring at his arm, rubbing his shoulder. Hajime’s tranquility, his lack of everything stopped. Deep down, an urge, hot, red, pressing filled him._

_Run. Run now._

_Hajime didn’t wait for Kamukura to look. He turned around and began to run._

~

Hajime gasped and woke to the feeling of something warm pressing against his back. He practically whipped his head around and saw Komaeda, curled close to him, chest rising evenly. The event of last night resurfaced in Hajime’s mind. Right, he had let stay after a nightmare. Gently Hajime reached over and carted his hand through Komaeda’s hair. It was fluffy and soft. Hajime smiled and felt the dream recede in his mind. There had to be something significant in dreaming the same dream twice, but Hajime wasn’t thinking about that.

It was rather nice to wake up with someone. Komaeda was so quiet that it wasn’t a bother and the extra heat was nice. Hajime’s heart fluttered and he pulled his hand away. What did it matter to him? Komaeda was chasing Kamukura, not him. It was best to leave it at that.

Sitting up Hajime stretched and carefully got out of bed, making sure to cover Komaeda up properly. A quick shower was in order. Hopefully he wouldn’t disturb Komaeda too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ranch: Just assume they've been keeping an eye on the chickens... I sometimes don't think all my details out... do I? And as for milk... even though it's kind of gross to me... powdered and condensed milk is a thing... yeah... don't read too much into their food is my point here...
> 
> Hitting: As a bit of a warning... not only will there be a bit more... violence... now... we're going to dip a bit into suggestiveness. Hurray?
> 
> Scars: Since I headcanon that Kamukura was with Komaeda in Towa City, after his run in with Komaru and Toko/Genocider Syo/Jill, Kamukura patched him up which is why Komaeda doesn't have prominent scars on his thighs. Other wise I'm pretty sure Genocider Syo/Jill cut him deep enough to need stitches and those would probably scar without proper care.
> 
> Checking the arm: I had some FMA flashbacks writing this.
> 
> Grapefruit: I've never seen a grapefruit in Japan, but I am sure they are present here... I just don't look for them because I'm not a fan of grapefruit. 
> 
> Sugar: I've also heard of people putting salt on their grapefruit? Again, don't like them, so I am not sure.
> 
> Westerns: Not only are Westerns foreign movies in Japan, but a lot of concepts and ideas are foreign to Japanese people too.
> 
> Naegi and communication: Now... the time line between the games are rather ambiguous, so I just left it up to personal interpretation. I think it took Future Foundation a bit before discovering what Naegi and co had done. Also I think they left a sort of emergency contact with Hajime and the others.
> 
> The arm: Yeah, still not sure how Komaeda managed to get the arm after... crushing... but while I've read some interesting fan theories, I'll just make a tally mark on "Komaeda's luck" chart and be done with it.
> 
> Bed Sharing: My weakness is shown here again... not sorry...


	8. Frustration and Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!!!!
> 
> These past two weeks have been a bit busy. The main reason being, my friend is now visiting me. I'm in Tokyo going around to many places, so writing has been a bit sparse. Usually I want to flop down by the end of our day and just... shut my brain off...
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it, particularly the end stuff. I hope I didn't deviate too far away from my focus on Komaeda and Hinata. I think my focus went a bit, but that's only for now. Next chapter I'll focus more on them definitely!
> 
> As always feel free to leave a kudos or a comment. They always make my day!

Nagito woke to the sound of running water and steam wafting into the room making it humid. Hinata must be up. Stretching languidly Nagito’s eyes fluttered open. Hinata’s room was warmly lit by the sun, like the island was forever in a state of sun. If only it could always be like this: relaxed, warm, and drenched in sunshine.

Sitting up Nagito ran his fingers through his hair. His fingers got tangled in some knots but he slowly worked them out as best as he could. It didn’t matter. No matter what he did his hair was always a bit fluffy. Nagito did his best. He was half way through his hair when the door opened sending a wave of steam into the room.

Hinata walked out, hair damp, towel on his shoulders. He was dressed but he didn’t have his tie on or his shoes. It was casual to the point Nagito felt like he was seeing something private. His heart warmed and Nagito smiled.

“Good morning Hinata.”

“Good morning.” Hinata replied. “The shower is yours, if you want.”

_“Oh, you can ask if he wants to join you, right?”_

Nagito winced. Enoshima again. This was a problem. Perhaps having the nightmare was a stroke of good luck. He was in Hinata’s presence and could nip the problem in the bud. Standing up he walked over to Hinata and grabbed his hand.

“Hinata.”

“Uh yes?” Hinata asked.

“Hit me.” Nagito requested.

Hinata took a sharp breath and closed his eyes. Nagito felt his heart skip. Hadn’t they gone over this already? Did he have to do something again? Provoke him? Well, it was a small price to pay.

 _“Wow so desperate. You’re really convinced this will work…”_ Enoshima drawled.

Nagito winced and his heart started to pick up pace. Her voice was still there. Nagito opened his mouth, ready to pick something to say.

Hinata raised his hand and Nagito barely had a moment to collect himself before he was backhanded across the face. The sting burned and his heart calmed. He smiled. It wasn’t too hard, just right.

“Why did you want me to hit you?” Hinata dully asked.

Nagito touched his cheek. “Isn’t it obvious?”

The second hit came out of nowhere. Nagito felt the slap, burning on his cheek, on the same area that was hit earlier. It stung and protested. His eyes widened, pupils dilated and Nagito looked up at Hinata only to be hit again on the other side.

“Let me rephrase that.” Hinata said calmly. “Tell me why you wanted me to hit you.”

Nagito’s blood was singing. He closed his eyes and smiled widely. Hinata was doing this properly.

“I heard Enoshima.” He replied readily.

“What did Enoshima say?” Hinata followed up.

Nagito’s heart stopped. Did he have to tell Hinata that? Wasn’t admitting Enoshima was speaking him enough? His mouth opened and closed a few times his cheek wincing at the movement. Hinata sighed, the sigh drawing out displeasure at the hesitancy. Nagito’s heart spiked and he scrambled, words falling from his lips.

“Uh… she… said I am desperate for you to hit me.” He admitted.

Hinata’s eyes narrowed. “Is that all?”

Did he have to admit Enoshima’s suggestive comment? He was supposed to not show an inkling of affection towards Hinata. That didn’t go over well earlier. Nagito bit his lip.

“I asked if that’s all.” Hinata’s voice took a sharper tone. “Well?”

The singing in his blood countered the freezing in his throat. Nagito felt conflicted pulled to listen to the order and to not say. What should he do?

“You…” Hinata groaned. “You ask me to order you, yet you aren’t listening to me. Are you wasting my time? Or do you want to be hit again?”

His question filled him. Nagito felt the hesitation slowly recede. He could answer, if he kept his voice neutral.

“She… also said I should ask you to join me in the shower.” Nagito kept his tone low.

“Join you?” Hinata mused. “I see.” He looked away for a moment before looking at Nagito. “No. I’m clean already. Go shower yourself and then come to the restaurant for breakfast.” His tone left no room for argument.

Nagito numbly nodded as the question registered in his brain. Of course, he’d say no. It was fine. Hinata didn’t seem affected by the question and had ordered him instead. He could work with this. He nodded his head.

“Yes.” Nagito said before a thought hit him. He spoke without thinking. “I think we need another consistent order. One that’s permanent.”

Hinata blinked. “What is it?”

“In private I’d like to call you sir.” Nagito suggested. The words burned deliciously on his tongue and Nagito tried to not smile and waited for Hinata’s verdict.

“Sir?” Hinata muttered. “Isn’t that a bit much?”

Nagito frowned. “I don’t think so and if you don’t have any complaints I’m going to do it.”

He waited for Hajime to say something but he didn’t. Nagito shivered and smiled widely.

~

The moment Komaeda was in the shower, Hajime let out a long breath and shivered. The order Komaeda suggested wasn’t planned and it left Hajime a bit breathless, though he wasn’t sure why. Grabbing his towel, he rubbed it against his head, catching the last drops of water. The morning had barely started and already Hajime felt exhausted.

Was that what Komaeda wanted? It felt like it was. He had spotted Komaeda’s pupils dilating and the smile at the end. Everything felt wrong. It felt wrong to hit and demand answers from Komaeda but the readiness of his answer the hesitation to admit the suggestive words of Enoshima.

“It’s fine.” Hajime muttered. “Just until Enoshima leaves him.” Until then he had to be what Komaeda thought he needed.

Enoshima… her comment. Hajime glanced at the shower. The source of Enoshima was unclear but she had to be a manifestation of Komaeda’s suppressed desires, the things he tried to hold back. Did Komaeda hesitate just to prolong the moment? Hajime wasn’t sure.

Regardless, it was obvious Komaeda wanted someone to tell him what to do, to be a reinforcing agent in his spiralling lack of control. Hajime looked at his hand. The skin stung but no where near the level Komaeda was probably experiencing.

Hajime felt a twist in his gut. Komaeda wasn’t looking for him but for Kamukura and whatever relationship they had. He should leave it at that. Nodding his head Hajime refocused. He told Komaeda to come to the restaurant and he would listen. Hajime had breakfast to make.

~

Seeing the smile on Hinata’s face as he walked into the restaurant was enough to make Nagito’s heart flutter. When he listened to orders Hinata was pleased. He waved politely to Souda and Owari before sitting down across from Hinata. On the table food was already set out. Saying a quick word of grace, Nagito grabbed some toast and juice.

“Eat some fruit too.” Hinata’s voice rang clearly.

An order and in front of Souda and Owari. Nagito felt his spine tingle as he reached for some apple and orange slices. “All right.”

“Wow, Ultimate Mothering…” Souda teased. “Can’t turn that talent off for a day Hajime?”

Hinata’s mouth twitched, “Right…”

The moment was disrupted by Kuzuryuu walking up, pulling a chair a bit loudly. Sitting beside Hinata, Kuzuryuu gave a nod of greeting before grabbing some food. Hinata smiled and reached over, handing Kuzuryuu the pitcher of juice.

“Hey, so I was talking to Naegi and the others.” Kuzuryuu informed them. “They’re pleased by the update and say they’ll come visit soon.”

Naegi? Nagito felt his brain twitch at the name. He looked over at Hinata who didn’t look back. The name felt familiar, twitching a note in his brain but Nagito couldn’t place a face to the name. It snagged in his mind like a piece of fabric caught on a nail. Where had he heard that name before?

“Visit us?” Owari asked. “Aren’t they busy?”

Kuzuryuu shrugged. “I didn’t push too many questions. It might take a week or so but they’ll come to visit.

Hinata hummed. “That’s good. Thanks, Fuyuhiko.”

“Also,” Kuzuryuu paused, “they want us to be safe and take care.”

“Yeah, Naegi and Kirigiri said…” Souda muttered.

Kirigiri… another name that snagged his mind. Nagito chewed silently. It would be best to ask Hinata later rather then ask for clarification at the table. Finishing off his food, Nagito collected his plates and stood up. Hinata’s gaze immediately snapped on him, freezing Nagito in place.

“You haven’t been excused.” Hinata told him.

The tingle down his spine, the warmth in his core… Nagito held back a groan and looked at Hinata, swallowing thickly. “Thanks for the meal, may I be excused?”

“You may.” Hinata informed him.

Nagito felt another moan threaten to well up inside his throat. Being ordered in public was delicious, wonderful, and too much at the same time. Pushing that aside, Nagito nodded.

“Thank you.”

Souda snorted. “Wow, Ultimate Mothering strikes again.”

Hinata’s mouth twitched. “Something like that.”

He had to leave before he made a scene. Nagito quickly walked away from the table, into the kitchen, and put the dishes into the sink.

~

“What the hell was that?” Kuzuryuu rounded on him the moment Komaeda left.

Hajime sighed and picked up a piece of toast. “What do you mean?”

“Yeah, what do you mean, Baby Gangsta?” Owari leaned closer, chewing on a grape.

“That was you ordering Komaeda around?” Kuzuryuu clarified. “If so that’s so bizarre.”

“Wait, that was you ordering him around?” Souda’s eyes widened, “Are you joking? I thought it would be more slap happy.” He shuddered. “But that’s all he wants? Feels like you’re treating him like a child.”

“That’s…” Hajime bit his lip, “sort of it.”

Kuzuryuu snorted. “His face was a bit red too. Did you hit him?”

Did Kuzuryuu have to be blunt? Hajime flushed. Sure, he told them about his arrangement with Komaeda but hearing it said starkly was a bit embarrassing.

“I…” Hajime stumbled. “Yes, I did. I’m just doing what he asked me to do.” He firmly added.

Souda sighed and Owari looked down. Hajime felt his face warm up, getting hotter with the admittance. The floor creaked, pulling the attention away from him. Hajime felt his face warm up more. Komaeda was back. Hopefully he didn’t hear him or see the warmth on his face. Taking a deep breath Hajime forced the blush away. He didn’t have to be ashamed. Komaeda asked for it.

“I’m done.” Hajime picked his plate up. “I’ll be with the others if you need me.”

He walked past Komaeda, looking ahead, into the kitchen. Walking up to the sink, Hajime started to wash his dishes, carefully putting them on the rack. Turning the water off, Hajime dried his hands and exited.

Komaeda was standing by the door. Hajime froze for a second before continuing to walk past him. Komaeda followed silently until they walked outside. Hajime focused on his destination even when Komaeda began to walk beside him.

“Hinata.” Komaeda started.

“Yes Komaeda?” Hajime asked quickly. “What is it?”

“I heard you.” Komaeda bluntly said.

Hajime wanted to stop walking and look at him but he forced himself to keep walking.

“They shouldn’t try to make you feel embarrassed.” Komaeda continued. “It’s necessary. If they don’t understand it’s not your fault. You’re supposed to hit me and order me.”

Hajime stopped. He didn’t want to think about it but the way Komaeda stated it so calmly hit him. Hajime turned around. Komaeda was beaming. It was like the sun was radiating off his face. Sure, Komaeda claimed it was for his health but did he have to look cheerful about being hit and ordered around? It left something slimy in Hajime waiting to slither out leaving a trail of oozing liquid.

He swallowed. Whatever that feeling was Hajime couldn’t let Komaeda know what he was feeling. The role Komaeda asked him to be was equivalent to an anchor. He had to be firm to be the voice of discipline and reason. The one who pulled Komaeda back on the tight rope and kept him balanced. If Enoshima was the wind trying to whisper false words in his ears, Hajime was supposed to be the life line that kept him on. There was no safety net just Enoshima and him in a battle to keep Komaeda afloat.

When Hajime thought of it like that it made the sliminess wash away. Maybe Komaeda was happy he had that line willing to do anything to keep it with him. Hajime turned back, focusing on his destination.

“I’m not embarrassed.” His voice sounded firm. “It’s just disorientating to have it said so bluntly by others.”

“Oh, I see.” Komaeda’s voice was light, “I misunderstood. I read that as embarrassment. My apologies Hinata.”

A reassurance filled his tongue. Hajime bit his lip. Would being reassuring be too kind?

“Sir.” Hajime blurted out instead. “You said you wanted to call me sir in private.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Hajime felt the tingle return, running up his spine.

There was no shift in Komaeda’s voice. It remained happy, light, “Yes sir. I won’t forget again.”

“Good.” Hajime muttered as he continued to the others, Komaeda in tow.

~

Seeing the others sleeping was always a bit surreal. Nagito touched the pods, lightly, in case his luck leaked through his fingers and messed something up. Stepping back a bit Nagito examined the pods. Everyone was frozen in a state of sleep. Did they dream? Nagito cocked his head. If so, what did they dream about? The Program? The memories lost to them? An entirely new dream? Nagito’s eyes narrowed, was it a nightmare? He wasn’t sure. He hadn’t dreamt anything, felt anything, at least nothing he remembered.

Pulling his thoughts away, Nagito walked past the pods, naming them absentmindedly as he went by. Saionji…Nidai…Tsumiki…

He walked up to Hinata, who was looking at the computer screens, grabbing things, writing things down, turning to a new monitor his actions were so smooth and silent. Nagito didn’t want to say anything and interrupt him. He settled on standing at the side, staring at the numbers and words that ran across the screens, watching Hinata’s movements. His legs began to protest but Nagito didn’t move until Hinata looked up from the screens, groaning and stretching.

“Komaeda?” He turned, “You stayed here all this time?”

“Yes sir.” Nagito savoured the syllables off his tongue. “I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

Hinata looked down. “I’m done here. We’re going.”

We… it was like an order. Nagito nodded.

“Yes sir.” He bounced after him.

~

The day had ended and his update to the Program complete. Hajime forced himself to change, to get ready for bed. He wanted to stay in the room, to watch over it all night but that wasn’t good. If he tried that no doubt everyone would get upset at him. Tomorrow. He’d check it tomorrow.

~

_He was running, running, running, pushing past people, shoving into them. No one yelled even when Hajime ran right into them. The world was blurring, muting into a water colour kaleidoscope. Hajime’s mind was focused on his task, to get away from Kamukura. The prickle at the back of his neck, the tension in his muscles, indicated he was being followed. He had to get away and get away fast._

_Hajime ran up a flight of stairs, to an overpass. His legs burned, ached with each lift and slap to the pavement. Hajime kept going, running, not looking back, only looking forward. Turning sharply, he started to run, through a park, into the crowd of faceless, blurry people._

_Children, people, dogs… it all passed him as Hajime kept on going, kept on pushing on. His lungs burned, his chest ached. Everything screamed at him to slow down, to stop running. But, he had to go. Hajime had to run. Had to get away, out of the crowd. Hajime scanned the area. He was heading back into the business district, towards multiple buildings. Perhaps, he could run inside one?_

_It didn’t matter. Hajime turned down an alley, nearly slamming into the side door, as he scrambled to open it. His fingers were sweaty and palms slippery. The door creaked, protested as he pulled it open, slamming it shut._

_The cool air of the building hit him. Hajime gasped as he looked around. He was in a stairwell, concrete and bare. The door he went in must have been a fire exit, but no alarm sounded. Silence filled the room in an eerie barrier that surrounded him. His lungs welcomed the air and Hajime felt his heart rate slow down. Leaning against the wall, Hajime closed his eyes, seeking a moment of reprieve._

_It was short lived. A small click of the door, the handle turning filled the area. Hajime bolted up and felt his heart rate spike. Gasping he didn’t wait. Hajime ran, ran up the stairs, spiralling upwards. His steps echoed, loud. If he was being followed, it would be masked. Hajime focused._

_The floors went past him, labelled by large off white numbers, counting the flight of stairs he was passing. The numbers increased, becoming double digits, until there were no more numbers and Hajime ran up onto the roof._

_Gasping he felt the air hit him, cooling his face. Hajime stumbled forward, regretting his choice, but he couldn’t help it now. Turning around he waited, heart pounding not just from exhaustion._

_Kamukura glided up, hair unruffled, not out of breath. Hajime wanted to walk backwards, but he couldn’t move. Slowly Kamukura walked up and stopped a bit away, blocking the exit. Hajime wanted to say something, ask him what was happening, but he couldn’t speak._

_The distance was crossed. Kamukura was staring at him, red eyes unblinking. Carefully, like he was about to touch something fragile, he lifted his hand and touched Hajime’s face. The touch was soft, with a touch of pressure, and trailed down._

_“Tag.” Kamukura said, “Come find me Hajime.”_

_The touch disappeared as well as Kamukura. Hajime was left, panting, exhausted, and warm. A fire burned inside of him, not to run, but to seek and find Kamukura. With a groan, he pushed his legs forward and ran towards the exit, down the stairs._

~

Hajime’s back was sweaty and his legs ached despite being in bed. Stretching painfully, Hajime turned and rubbed his face. That dream, the chase… he pressed his head against his knees and closed his eyes. Whatever that was he had no clue. His brain felt muddled, murky. Standing up, Hajime sighed and walked to the bathroom, looking in the mirror. If he closed his eyes, Hajime could feel Kamukura’s fingers on his face, touching him. He could hear his voice, telling him to come find him.

“This is ridiculous.” Hajime muttered to himself, reaching to turn the water on, “You’re fine Hajime.”

Slowly Hajime washed his face, hoping to feel a bit better. He looked in the mirror and touched the surface. His heterochromia stared back at him. Hajime shuddered and turned away. Walking back to the room Hajime checked the time. It was still early but he didn’t want to sleep. Grabbing a shirt and jeans, Hajime quickly changed, tying his tie as he slipped into some shoes. If he wasn’t going to sleep he could check on the update to the Program he had implemented.

The morning air was clear and a bit nippy. Hajime slowly savoured it, the slight chill against his cheeks, the breeze against his arms. The moon was still up, high in the sky, illuminating his path, guiding him in a soft light.

Entering the room, Hajime turned a few lights on and walked to the computers. The lights were blinking in a soft unity and the computers softly running together. Taking his seat, Hajime began to sort through the information. The Program he had updated wasn’t going deep enough into the Program like it was only grazing the sky. If he had any hopes of finding his friend’s consciousness in the depths of the cyber world, Hajime would have to get the Program to go deeper. Maybe he could manipulate some thing.

Hajime worked, pulling another talent out, and pouring his thoughts into it. He barely noted his surroundings until he heard the door open, followed by light footsteps. Hajime calculated. The sound of the strides was too long for Kuzuryuu. Sonia would have greeted him immediately. Souda and Owari walked a bit heavier.

“Thanks, Komaeda.” Hajime called out.

“How did you know it was me?” Komaeda asked. “I volunteered to bring you breakfast. We figured you’d be here.”

He set a tray down, filled with rice, miso soup, and fish. There was even a bit of salad. Hajime smiled and turned away from the computer. A break would be good.

“If you’re good…” Komaeda edged away.

“No, stay.” Hajime said quickly.

Komaeda paused and blinked before he turned back, “Yes, of course sir.”

Sir… Hajime carefully picked his chopsticks up. A small shiver danced down his back but it was barely noticeable. Still, this was what Komaeda wanted. Hajime settled on that and pointed to another chair in the corner.

“Sit down.”

Komaeda walked over and grabbed the chair, sitting silently. Hajime bit his lip. “You can come closer.”

“Right. Sorry sir.” Komaeda scuffled the chair over.

Hajime began to eat his food, chewing slowly. Komaeda was glancing around the room, fingers dancing on the chair. Smiling Hajime decided to fill the room with conversation.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I did.” Komaeda replied. “You didn’t?”

Hajime winced. “No, that’s why I came here.”

“Kuzuryuu figured as much.” Komaeda offered a small smile.

“Yes…” Hajime grabbed his miso soup, “I’m sure they’ll wake up soon. I believe this will work.” He tapped the computer, “I have added a…”

The computer started to beep wildly. Hajime gasped and nearly dropped his tray as he spun around to check it. An icy feeling filled his heart. Did he mess something up? Behind him Hajime felt Komaeda take the tray off his lap, setting it on the chair he was previously sitting on.

Focusing, Hajime checked the computers. One of the pods, Tsumiki’s was wild, the stats fluctuating. Hajime turned and looked at the pods. The lights on her pod were lit up, beeping. It wasn’t like when Komaeda woke up. His was silent, almost like waking from a sleep. This was like she was fighting to wake up. Bolting up, Hajime raced to her pod and opened it, her vitals were displayed on the side if he could just figure out how to fix it. Hajime reached forward.

Tsumiki’s hand shot out grabbing his wrist. Hajime felt his heart leap and a scream threaten to escape his throat. He stumbled and watched, heart pounding as Tsumiki’s grip tightened and her eyes fluttered open.

The floor was collapsing under him as Hajime’s knees crumbled and he fell against the pod. She was waking up? His heart leapt to his throat, unable to move, cutting his air off. Hajime gripped her hand tighter.

“Tsumiki?” He tried, his voice wheezing a bit.

He felt Komaeda walking up to him, a warm presence at his side. Hajime couldn’t look to see him, all he could do was watch as Tsumiki’s grip got tighter and tighter, her breathing evening out and her eyes slowly fluttering open. Hajime would have leapt up if he could, but all he could muster was a smile.

“Tsumiki? Do you recognize me? I’m Hinata Hajime.” He tried.

Tsumiki blinked and looked up, her gaze staring, not quite on them, but slowly it focused, looking at Komaeda. Her lips pulled into a smile.

“Servant?” She asked, her gaze trailing down, “You…” She bolted up and wobbled. “Your arm…”

Hajime felt his heart sink. Servant. She was she in Despair? Did his Program not work? Turning around he watched as Komaeda slowly lifted his left arm.

“This?”

Tsumiki weakly hissed, “You wasted your gift… you threw it… away…” She started to sway.

Hajime grabbed her and watched as Tsumiki’s eyes closed. Quickly he began to untangle her from the pod. Turning to Komaeda, who was staring at his arm in silence, Hajime sighed. Her words could do some damage to Komaeda. He should fix it.

“Komaeda.” Hajime quickly said. “Go get the others. Now.” He kept his voice firm, “You are going to bring them to the hospital immediately. Do you understand?”

“Yes…” Komaeda muttered. “Yes sir. I’ll go do as you asked.”

He left. Hajime let out a long breath of air. This was both good and bad. He turned to Tsumiki. If she acted anything like Komaeda was now he’d be in trouble. Muttering a quick prayer to someone Hajime picked her up gently and walked out. Looks like he was back to spending time in the hospital.

~

Nagito walked swiftly back towards the hotel. Hopefully most of them were still around and not around in obscure places. Tsumiki’s awakening was surprising but hopeful too. Nagito smiled. It was what they needed, a ray of hope.

 _“Wow, did you hear her?”_ Enoshima spoke with a giggle. _“Wasted a gift…”_ She laughed, _“And now that she’s up you’re not needed. Hinata has someone else to look after.”_

No. She was wrong. Nagito let the orders Hinata told him wash over his mind. He had to go get everyone and bring them to the hospital. He couldn’t worry about Tsumiki or Hinata now. He had to listen to Hinata.

 _“Right, right…”_ Enoshima sighed before disappearing in the back of his mind.

~

Hajime moved through the familiar halls of the hospital. Once he had Tsumiki set up in a hospital room he began to cycle through, going down a mental check list. How were her vitals? Would she remain stable physically and mentally? Would she need as much work as Komaeda did with physio? Would she act like Komaeda was? Hajime let out a long sigh. He hoped not.

Moving around, keeping his mind active, Hajime was finishing when footsteps rushed in, echoing in the halls. Sonia and Owari burst in followed by Souda and Kuzuryuu. Everyone was out of breath, bent over gasping. Behind them, Komaeda was at the end walking down the hall. Hajime flashed a smile.

“Thank you Komaeda.”

“You’re welcome.” He replied.

“K-Komaeda said… Tsumiki is awake?” Owari asked between her pants.

“Yes, she’s asleep now, but she was conscious.” Hajime replied. “I was just getting everything ready. I’m going to go in and see if she’s awake.”

“Can we see her?” Sonia delicately asked.

Hajime nodded, “Just not now. Let me see how stable she is before we rush her.”

He looked at Komaeda.  He looked fine but Hajime didn’t want to take a chance. This new development was enough that Enoshima’s voice would take advantage. Hajime was sure.

“Komaeda could you lead them to the kitchen? Get some tea on?”

“All right.” Komaeda nodded, “Let’s go to the kitchen.” He gently touched Sonia’s shoulder.

“Ah, right. We shall wait until you can tell us how Tsumiki’s condition is. I leave this in your hands Hajime.”

“Thank you.” Hajime muttered before turning to the room. He had work to do.

~

The order Hinata gave him roared in his mind, consuming all other sounds, drowning out Enoshima and Tsumiki though her words still echoed a bit in his head like a radio left on a lower volume. Nagito frowned. He didn’t want to think about Tsumiki and her words. The stump of his left arm tingled as though it absorbed her words. Nagito dropped his right hand and rubbed a bit where the metal of his prosthetic and skin met.

Everyone was sitting in the kitchen the chairs scraping against the floor. No one spoke, merely sitting down, awkwardly picking at things. Nagito walked past, the order from Hinata ringing in his brain. He had to make tea or at least get the water on. He filled the kettle and set it on the stove, turning it on. Busying himself some more Nagito located the kettle and the tea leaves. Hinata didn’t say what kind of tea. Did that mean he could pick it himself? Nagito set the cans down and glanced over at the others. Should he ask?

“Um…” Nagito cleared his throat, “What kind of tea would you like?” He directed his question in the table’s general direction.

“Doesn’t matter.” Souda replied.

“Yes, whatever you choose will be fine.” Sonia added.

Nagito nodded and grabbed the green tea. Everyone would probably appreciate something calming. Putting the appropriate amount into the pot Nagito waited by the stove, leaning against it.

“I wonder how much Tsumiki remembers.” Owari broke their silence.

“Hopefully she remembers us.” Sonia kept her tone positive. “I’m just worried about Hinata. He’s going to be so busy.”

Nagito twitched. It was not her trying to jab at him, but his heart twitched a bit. He turned to the stove and stared at the kettle.

“We’ll be around to help him.” Kuzuryuu firmly replied. “And to make sure he doesn’t collapse due to the strain.”

“Right. We’ll be here to do that.” Owari exclaimed loudly.

The kettle started to whistle. Nagito turned the stove off and began to pour the tea, swirling it in the pot before dumping it and pouring another round. Letting it sit, he grabbed the cups and brought them to the table, setting them down.

“The tea’s ready.” He said.

“Thank you Komaeda.” Sonia smiled before she reached over, as if to touch him, “Also, we don’t mean to say you’re a problem. We’re all here to help each other. No one is more or less of a burden.”

Her words. She was perceptive. Nagito thickly nodded. Either that or he wasn’t hiding his emotions are well as he usually did. Regardless, he wasn’t going to say anything else. Turning around he went to grab the tea pot and pour everyone tea. He was almost finished when the door to the kitchen opened, Hinata walking in.

“Hajime.” Kuzuryuu immediately stood up. “How’s Tsumiki?”

Hinata rubbed his head and walked over sitting down with a plop. “She’s fine. Stable. Still asleep. I’m going to stay the night here, watch after her.” He reached for the tea. “Thank you Komaeda.”

“You’re welcome.” Nagito quickly replied.

“I see…” Kuzuryuu muttered. “You should go to sleep now then. So, you can stay up all night.”

Hinata nearly dropped the tea cup. His eyes widened and his mouth opened a bit before he snapped his mouth shut audibly and nodded. “Okay. I will. Thank you.”

~

When the tea was done Hinata stood up and awkwardly shuffled out of the room. Kuzuryuu stared at him the entire time, not moving his head until Hinata was out of the room. Everyone else was in states of leaving though Souda and Sonia were collecting the dishes and bringing them to the sink.

Nagito bit his lip. What was he supposed to do? Hinata never said he had to stay, but should he? He glanced at the sink. Sonia and Souda were starting the dishes. Owari was leaving. Did that mean he could go?

“Hey, Komaeda.”

Kuzuryuu’s voice cut through his thoughts. Nagito looked at him. He was pointing to the door, gesturing for him to come over.

“I could use some company.” Kuzuryuu said. “Also, if something happens one of us can run and grab Hinata.”

Nagito felt a smile fill his face. It wasn’t an order from Hinata but it could function as one. Not that he was taking orders from Kuzuryuu but he could pick. Letting the purpose fill him Nagito followed Kuzuryuu out of the kitchen, towards the familiar hospital room.

Tsumiki was asleep just as Hinata said. Machines were running and beeping a bit but other than that the room was silent. Kuzuryuu walked in and pulled up a couple of chairs by the side of Tsumiki’s bed. Nagito walked in, shutting the door, and sat down beside Kuzuryuu.

“So,” Kuzuryuu started softly, “Hajime told us about your little request.”

Nagito blinked. Of course, Hinata told them. Other wise they’d be confused if Hinata smacked him in public. “Okay?”

“You know, I heard Enoshima once.” Kuzuryuu muttered.

That was news. Nagito sat up straighter and looked at Kuzuryuu. His hands were laced, his gaze forward.

“It was when I learned what happened to Natsumi.” He said. “When I read the file. Her voice came in my mind, telling me how awful of a brother I was. That it was my fault she died.”

Natsumi. So that was her name. The file on their second trial only stated that Twilight Syndrome was based on true events. Nagito tried to think of what to say. Sorry felt weak and anything else felt too corny or insincere.

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” Kuzuryuu firmly said. “Hinata told me that. He told me that blaming others wasn’t the solution. I had to accept what happened as the past and move on. I did. He was right. I never heard Enoshima again.”

Kuzuryuu turned to him and looked him in the eyes. “Whatever Enoshima is telling you either it’s something you have to learn how to accept or something you need to ignore. If you don’t it will tear you a part.”

How nice. Nagito stared. He never expected Kuzuryuu to tell him personal stories, or to offer advice. It was refreshing. Kuzuryuu cut into the heart, not mincing his words. Nagito’s heart twisted. Hinata, for all his good intentions was at the center of his problems and Nagito couldn’t just call him out.

“Thank you.” Nagito said with a smile. “Your words are very kind.”

Kuzuryuu snorted, “Is that your way of saying you’re not sure how to take my advice? It’s fine. It’s just advice. I can only give it. It’s up to you if you want to use it or not.” He looked at Nagito directly, “Besides sometimes we have to do things on our own. We can’t always rely on Hinata. He has his own problems to deal with.”

Own problems like not accepting Kamukura as a part of him. Nagito bit his lip. He couldn’t say that. He nodded instead and turned back to Tsumiki. It would be a while.

~

Hajime woke up, a bit stiff, but fine. Looking at the time, Hajime got up and stretched, smoothing his shirt out. He hadn’t changed and was slightly regretting it, but it would be fine for the evening.

Walking back to the room Hajime looked at the kitchen. It was stocked enough for now but if Tsumiki had to stay longer he’d have to think about getting more. Making a mental note Hajime entered the room.

Kuzuryuu and Komaeda were sitting by Tsumiki’s bed not talking. The air, however, was calm, smooth. Hajime waved as they looked over and shut the door.

“Hello, thanks for helping me.” Hajime said. “You can leave now. I got this.”

Kuzuryuu stood, stretching. “It was no big deal. Tsumiki didn’t do anything in particular.”

Komaeda stood up too. “It was quiet.”

“Thank you.” Hajime said again. “Go, eat something and sleep well. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Yes s….” Komaeda cut himself off. “Yes. Tomorrow.”

Hajime flushed and Kuzuryuu’s eyebrow raised. Ignoring the heat on his cheeks, Hajime took one of the empty seats and moved it, giving himself some space. He was not going to explain that and didn’t have to. Kuzuryuu walked out, but Komaeda lingered though he kept glancing at the door. Hajime paused. Was he waiting for something? Did he need to say something to him?

“Yes?” Hajime asked mildly.

Komaeda twitched. “It’s nothing. Sorry sir. I’m going.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hajime reminded him as he left.

“Yes sir.” Komaeda called out before he left completely.

~

Tsumiki woke up as Hajime was writing a report about her. Her breathing shifted and her eyes opened rather quickly. Hajime set his pen down and stood up. Her eyes were moving and her pupils dilating in the light. He’d do another check later.

“Hello Tsumiki.” Hajime said softly.

She turned her head and blinked, “Uh… where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital.” Hajime answered, “I’m Hinata Hajime. How are you feeling?”

“Hinata…” Tsumiki tested his name, “I… remember y-you? K-Kind o-of…” She stuttered. “S-sorry…”

Hajime exhaled and smiled, “No that’s good. I’m going to run some tests on you, all right?”

“O-Okay…” Tsumiki agreed.

This was good though she wasn’t showing signs of Despair she could later like Komaeda did. Hajime sighed. Now wasn’t the time to worry about things he couldn’t control. He had to take everything a day at a time. And first thing a check up.

~

Nagito grabbed some food and started the walk over to the hospital. No doubt Hinata could make food at the hospital but he probably was up all night with Tsumiki. His heart twitched at the thought, but he ignored it. He couldn’t stop Hinata from helping others.

 _“Helping others and pushing you away.”_ Enoshima added.

She was wrong. Nagito focused on walking across the bridge, making sure the food didn’t shift off the plate. Hinata wouldn’t abandon him. He hadn’t. The orders he was given the day before rang in his mind. Hinata still thought of him.

 _“Yeah as a medical case.”_ Enoshima snorted. _“Stop flattering yourself.”_

Nagito shoved her voice away and walked to the hospital, carefully opening the door. Heading over to Tsumiki’s room, Nagito spotted it easily. The door was open and Hinata’s voice was drifting through into the hallway.

Gingerly Nagito walked in. Hinata finished talking and turned to him, smiling. “Good morning Komaeda.”

“Good morning Hinata.” Nagito lifted the plate. “I brought some food. I wasn’t sure if you ate already or not.”

Hinata blushed a bit. “Thank you. I haven’t. Put the plate in the kitchen for me.”

‘Yes sir’ sat on his tongue but Nagito spared a glance at Tsumiki. She was awake, sitting up, looking at him silently. Hinata said to use it when they were alone and Tsumiki was awake. He pushed it aside and nodded, walking out to the kitchen.

When he returned Hinata was writing something down, talking with Tsumiki. She was nodding but looked up as Nagito re-entered the room. Her eyes widened a bit and her fingers clutched the blanket. Nagito waited patiently as Hinata finished tucking the clipboard under his arm.

“Right now, rest is your best friend.” He told her. “I’m going to be in the kitchen. If you need any help, push that big button.” Hinata gestured to it.

Tsumiki nodded. Hinata began to leave the room, brushing past Nagito. He didn’t say anything about staying. Nagito opted to follow him. He was about to leave when Tsumiki’s voice filled the room.

“U-uh… wait a m-moment.” She called out.

Nagito turned, along with Hinata. Tsumiki looked like she was about to jump out of bed. Her fingers clutched the bedding harder. “U-Uh… n-not you H-Hinata…”

“You want me?” Nagito asked, pointing to himself.

Tsumiki nodded. Nagito frowned. Her words to him as she woke up spilled in his mind leaving a slight stain. Was she fine? Hinata seemed to feel so but that didn’t prove anything. He had slipped into moments of Despair and hadn’t remembered when he first woke up. Crossing his arms, Nagito fully turned to her.

“Yes?”

“U-um…” Tsumiki stammered. “W-What’s your name?”

His… name?

 _“Oh. My. God. Is this girl serious?”_ Enoshima gasped. _“Like she doesn’t remember.”_

Nagito stared at her. Enoshima’s words filled his brain making him twitch and speak without much thought. Was this a test? “You don’t remember it?”

Tsumiki nearly squeaked. “N-No… I-I’m sorry… I shouldn’t h-have a-asked…”

_“Wow. Look at her… trying to look innocent. She always did that you know… pretended…”_

“I’m Komaeda Nagito.” Nagito ignored Tsumiki’s stammering. “Is that the answer you were looking for?”

“T-The answer?” Tsumiki’s eyes widened. “I-I don’t understand…”

Nagito sighed. “Do you remember calling me Servant when you woke up?”

Out of the corner of his eye Nagito saw Hinata slowly move back into the room. Nagito shuffled a bit closer to the bed. “Well?”

Tsumiki’s face was red and she was looking down, fumbling with the sheets. If she kept doing that, she’d rip them. “I… I don’t remember that… I-I’m sorry…”

_“Liar. Liar.”_

Nagito stepped forward. Enoshima’s words fueled him. He wanted to shake Tsumiki, to see if she would crack. Her words about wasting the gift filled his brain. It made his arm ache like an alarm reminding him of his mistake of what he threw away.

“Komaeda. Stop it.” Hinata firmly said, grabbing his shoulder. “She needs rest. Come with me.”

 _“Down boy. Bad dog.”_ Enoshima whispered, _“You’re being bad Komaeda.”_ She sang. _“But you need to know… need to call Tsumiki out for being a liar.”_

She was right. Tsumiki was lying. Nagito needed to find out. Nagito turned violently, knocking Hinata’s hand off, “I need to know. She’s lying. I know it.”

“You…” Hinata dropped his hand before his gaze sharpened. “Are you hearing Enoshima again?”

_“Hinata is going to be so mad. You can’t keep me away… but that’s what you want… him angry at you… a punishment…”_

“I…” Nagito felt his tongue tie.

“Komaeda. Answer me.” Hinata’s voice firmed up.

Nagito heard the order and forced himself to nod. “I… yes…”

Hinata’s hand raised, rubbing his head. “Apologize to Tsumiki. Now.”

What? Nagito turned to her. She was still twisting the blankets, looking down. Nagito felt a jerk in his heart. She couldn’t be this upset at him. He had only demanded some answers was she pretending?

“You… stop lying.” Nagito rounded on her, “Just answer me properly.”

The slap came out of no where. It stung followed by the after wave of a smacking sound. Nagito gasped and felt the pain register in his brain. His mouth shut and he turned to Hinata, who had his hand raised as though to hit him again.

“I said apologize to Tsumiki. Now.”

Nagito swallowed and tasted blood. Hinata had hit him hard. He was getting the idea. Good. Another slap came on the other side. Nagito gasped and felt the sting, savouring it.

“No hesitating. Apologize now.” Hinata snapped.

“I’m… sorry Tsumiki.” Nagito said turning to her. “Forgive me.”

“For what?” Hinata pushed.

Nagito swallowed. “For calling you a liar… I’m sorry about that.”

“Good.” Hinata said. “Leave the hospital. Now.”

He was being dismissed. Nagito wanted to glare at Tsumiki, who was still looking down, but he didn’t. Instead he nodded at Hinata.

“Yes sir…”

Tsumiki was in the room, technically making Nagito disobey the order but Hinata didn’t say anything.

~

The moment Komaeda left, Hajime went to the kitchen and flopped down, his legs giving out from under him. What was that? He groaned and put his face in his hands nearly falling onto the table, wanting to rest his head.

That could have gone better. He had escalated a situation hitting and ordering Komaeda rather than pulling him out it felt like a backfiring. Except Komaeda had listened without a second thought.

“It’s too early to deal with this.” Hinata groaned. “Food first.”

He grabbed the plate Komaeda had thoughtfully brought to him and ignored the sting in his heart.

~

Three days blurred into each other and Nagito felt the image of Hinata blur along with them. He barely saw Hinata merely flashes of brown or the tie he wore. The ban on the hospital was probably only meant as a day thing but Nagito couldn’t bring himself to test it out see if Hinata would want him around.

Instead he focused on the bare minimum of his orders to be healthy, look after himself. It left a heat in his mind, a part of him wanting to find Hinata and get upset but Nagito couldn’t bring himself to do that.

~

The hospital chairs were uncomfortable but Hajime was used to it. His mind flashed back to when he was watching after Komaeda. Hopefully wouldn’t be for too long. Tsumiki’s recovery was smooth, too smooth when compared to Komaeda’s.

Komaeda. Hajime flinched. He had been so busy working and helping Tsumiki recover. He hadn’t seen him in a bit. That wasn’t good. He’d have to see Komaeda soon. Hopefully everything was fine.

~

_Servant whimpered and immediately Kamukura’s hand clamped over his lips, leaning over him. His weight pinned Servant down, heat seeping into him. It was intoxicating. Servant wanted to open his mouth, lick Kamukura’s hand but he couldn’t move._

_“Silence.” Kamukura’s tone was firm. Servant felt another whimper fill his lips._

_“Don’t make me repeat myself.” Kamukura dully said._

_He shoved the whimper away and nodded his head. The words were warm, filling him with a languid heat but Servant would listen. He would obey. Kamukura’s hand left his mouth and moved down. The promise to be silent, suddenly felt foolish to agree too. Servant bit his lip harshly as he felt Kamukura’s fingers move._

_“Don’t move too much.” Kamukura layered another order._

_Right. Be silent and don’t move. The wall behind him jabbed into his back, grounding him a bit in the moment._

_It felt so dirty, to be shoved in an alley way, against a wall, with Kamukura touching him like that. Someone could see them, anyone really, not that there were many people around in the apocalypse to witness them getting frisky in public. Yet, knowing this only made Servant want to moan as heat filled him to the core. It was getting harder to be silent. Servant didn’t know how much longer he could listen. It was barely a minute since Kamukura had ordered him and already he was at his breaking point._

_Kamukura sighed, as though responding to Servant’s silent thoughts, and pulled him closer, grabbing his chin roughly. Their lips met, rough and warm. Kamukura kissed him with ease, with a pace that left everything boneless in Servant’s body. The press of his tongue, the nibble on his lips… it was too much… Servant moaned in Kamukura’s mouth, his hips moving upwards in a jerk as Kamukura’s fingers began to move again._

_“Good,” Kamukura pulled away, as Servant began to pant for air. “You’re good.”_

_The praise was too much. Servant gasped silently, closing his eyes._

~

Nagito woke, heat pooling in his stomach and a tightness in his chest. The intimacy the dirtiness of their actions it burned in his mind letting out a long sigh, Nagito sat up. His mind felt fuzzy and his body a bit too warm. He needed a long shower.

 _“Oh wow. A wet dream with Kamukura?”_ Enoshima chirped. _“So sexy.”_

Great. She was here. Nagito groaned and walked to the bathroom. He couldn’t listen to her.

 _“And showering to ignore it? Better make sure the water’s cold.”_ Enoshima said. _“Too bad Hinata isn’t going after you still thinks he has nothing to do with Kamukura…”_

Why was she hitting the nail on the head? Nagito tried to tune her out, taking his shirt and boxers off, walking into the shower room. Turning the shower on he let the water cascade over him. Closing his eyes, Nagito started to wash up.

 _“You know I’m right.”_ Enoshima cooed, _“He’s so far in denial. You should pull him out of it. I can help you brainstorm a few ways to do that.”_

Would she shut up? Nagito sucked in a breath and slowly reminded himself of the orders Hinata gave him. He had to take care of himself showering was part of that. He couldn’t just leave the shower now he had to take care of himself.

 _“Still using that to tune me out?”_ Enoshima rolled her eyes. _“He’s so different from Kamukura, yet so similar…”_ Enoshima mused. _“Must be hard to not jump him. You and Kamukura were so, so, naughty.”_ She drew the last words out suggestively. _“Don’t you want to re-do the same things with Hinata? I wonder if he’ll react differently…”_

 Her words froze him. Nagito felt the words echo in his mind. He couldn’t defend himself against that. She was right. He wasn’t supposed to think about that, think about Hinata doing the same things Kamukura did to him. It was bad. Hinata didn’t want that, didn’t want him. If he started to think like that he’d be disappointed again. Just like karaoke night.

_“You never know. Who cares if Hinata is in denial? As long as you’re happy and satisfied in the end…”_

No, he couldn’t… Nagito grabbed a bottle, trying to read the text, but it was a meaningless squiggle of black lines.

_“Then again… you’re a chore… Hinata doesn’t want you around anymore. Now that he has Tsumiki to watch after.”_

Why was she…? Nagito leaned into the warm water. He couldn’t listen to her. He had to focus on his health and recovery, just like Hinata ordered him to.

 _“Oh please, you’re so pathetic. You think this plan of yours will work, right? It won’t. It’s just your pathetic cry for attention. And for Hinata’s love.”_ She added. _“Really, you like him and are using this for his attention. Sad, he doesn’t like you that way. Remember the karaoke night?”_

Her words twisted in his heart, staining him to the core. Enoshima started to laugh, her laugh echoing in his brain. Shutting the book harshly, Nagito closed his eyes and lay his head on the desk, doing his best to ignore Enoshima, even though her presence burned in his brain.

 _“But why should that matter?”_ Enoshima asked. _“You did a lot of things with Kamukura. So, what if Hinata doesn’t remember or want to accept Kamukura? In the end, it’s still the same for you.”_

Why was she right? Nagito wanted Enoshima to stop talking, to stop filling his head, but Hinata had been with Tsumiki for majority of the time no new orders were there to fill his brain, to distract him. The slight slap Hinata had given him when he saw Tsumiki the last time wasn’t enough. Nagito needed a distraction. Maybe he could go see Hinata?

 _“Sure, go see him and remind him how you don’t care if he doesn’t accept Kamukura. You want him.”_ Enoshima cackled.

Nagito bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. He hated that she was right but he didn’t want to listen to her.

“Go away…” He whispered.

_“Oh fine. I see I’m not appreciated here… with my truth… keep living in denial.”_

 Good. Nagito let out a long breath and began to clean up, focusing on the task, not letting his mind stray from the task. Still, Enoshima’s words echoed in his brain drag him out of denial. Was that possible? Nagito’s heart ached. If he could do that would Hinata give them a chance? The hope that filled him hurt so much Nagito punched the tile wall letting the water wash over him. Why was he even considering that? It felt impossible. He shouldn’t let dreams take over. Shoving it away, Nagito focused on his shower. Perhaps later he’d have to see Hinata.

~

_Hajime pushed through the exit and onto the street. Racing down the alley, Hajime ran into the main street. People were still moving around, crowds of people everywhere, consuming the space. Hajime whipped his head around, gasping and panting, the need to breath pressing. Where was Kamukura? He wasn’t there._

_The burning desire to see Kamukura, to find him destroyed his veins, consumed his mind like an unfinished puzzle. Where was he? Hajime stepped forward a bit, looking. Nothing… nothing… the crowd of people moved around him, never touching, their mummering white noise in his ears._

_Should he pick a direction? Should he just run in one direction and hope for the best? Hajime wasn’t sure. He had to do something. Standing around wouldn’t find Kamukura…_

_Suddenly, he saw a flash of black hair, long, impossibly long. Hajime felt his heart jolt, shock in his rib cage, and ran in the direction, his legs protesting as he did so._

~

Hajime woke up, neck stiff from the hospital chair. His throat felt dry and his body ached as he moved. He fell asleep in the chair? Hajime rubbed his head and tried to remember the last thing he did, but his brain was still fuzzy.

In front of him lay Tsumiki, breathing softly, machines smooth and silent. Hajime let out a long breath and stood up, stretching. His neck was violently protesting, telling him to massage the kink out.

The door to the room opened, Sonia stepping in. In her hands was a book and a thermos. She smiled and shut the door silently.

“Hello Hinata.” She said, “I figured you’d like someone to change watch.”

It was that late? Hajime wanted to protest, to say he could stay the night, but Sonia was here. If he sent her away it would be rude. Giving a smile Hajime nodded.

“Are you going to be fine alone though?”

“Souda is coming soon.” Sonia replied. “He just wanted to grab his project from Electric Ave. Don’t worry about us. Go to sleep.”

Right. He could leave it to them. Nodding Hajime left. Outside the stars were already in the sky and the air cool. Sleep was a good idea. Perhaps a bath too. Hajime sucked in the clean air and began to walk back to the first island.

~

Nagito curled his arms around his body and leaned against the wall to Hinata’s cottage. Navy and black were seeping into the sky creating the backdrop to the night sky. Some stars twinkled, pinpricks of light against the vastness of space. Nagito looked up, eyes catching the lights. The words formed on his lips, child’s words, and wonder. The wonder at wishes and the act of wishing. If only it was that easy.

“Komaeda?”

Nagito looked down. Hinata was walking closer, the key to his cottage in his hands. “You’re up still?”

“I…” Nagito looked down. He had to admit it. “I heard Enoshima again.”

Hinata sucked in a breath. “Come inside.”

Nagito stepped back and let Hinata open the door, let him invite him inside. The air smelt a bit musty. A testament to the lack of time Hinata spent in the cottage.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Hinata said, “but I am here to listen.”

He didn’t mean that. Nagito cocked his head, “Not going to order me to tell you?”

“You…” Hinata groaned, “Fine. Tell me what Enoshima was saying.”

This was it. Nagito felt the excitement fill him at being ordered, at being powerless to say no, “She was telling me that you don’t want me around anymore, now that you got Tsumiki to watch. I’m a chore.”

“You’re not that.” Hinata firmly assured him, “I know I’ve been busy with Tsumiki, everyone misses me. I’m going to try…”

“She also said I’m wasting my time on you. My plan won’t work because you’re not giving me what I want.” Nagito continued to tell him, “That the reason I’m a chore and my plan will fail is because you don’t like me the way I like you.”

Hinata took a deep breath and spoke. “You’re chasing Kamukura. You don’t really want me; it’s fine Komaeda. I understand. You and Kamukura had something and you’re seeking it out as a comfort. I’m not Kamukura.”

“Comfort?” Nagito numbly parroted, feeling like his heart was sinking into his stomach. His brain was chilling, freezing slowly from the inside out. “You think…”

His words cut off. A burning formed in his chest, slow, steady, consuming all the oxygen in his lungs, squeezing his heart in barb wire, cutting slowly in, pushing the chambers together, wringing the blood out. Hinata couldn’t be right, could he? Was he only chasing Kamukura? Was he only looking at Hinata and seeing Kamukura, not Hinata?

Nagito bit his lip and looked at Hinata. He was the same height and the same stature. When Nagito pressed himself against Hinata he felt the same bone structure, the same muscles. Hinata’s red eye bore into his body, burrowing, and stapling a memento of Kamukura into Hinata’s skin. The same hands that helped and punished him were also the same hands that tugged on his chain, pulling him through the destroyed cities.

But there were differences. Stark, obvious ones that were glaring. Hinata had a softness, a hesitancy that Kamukura never had. Hinata cared, explicitly, unconditionally. Nagito closed his eyes and remembered the endless nights Hinata stayed with him in the hospital, helped him recover. He could feel the fingers pulling the scissors from his hands before pulling him out of the tub. Hinata’s expression, his words.

Nagito shivered. Hinata didn’t save him because it would be interesting. He did it because he cared. He had to care that’s why he agreed to punish him. Kamukura wouldn’t do that. Nagito opened his eyes and felt the burning morph, change inside. The twisting in his heart wasn’t meant to destroy, but to reform, reshape. The barb wire wasn’t cutting but holding together. The flame inside didn’t burn to hurt, but to ache, to create a blush on Nagito’s cheeks.

Hinata was wrong. Nagito felt the truth emerge from the fire. He wasn’t exclusively chasing Kamukura; he had more than one target. The shivering stopped. Nagito felt the heat embrace him in a thick mist.

“No, that’s wrong.” He calmly said, taking a step forward. “You’re wrong Hinata.”

Hinata’s eyes widened and he stepped back a bit. Nagito walked closer, watching Hinata’s chest rise and fall, his eyes widen with pupils expanding, before he stood straight. Carefully Nagito breached the unspoken barrier of personal space and pressed closer to Hinata.

The smell. Hinata smelt like cinnamon and warmth, but underneath that was something else: the burning of cities, ashes, and sterile white rooms. They two smells mixed. It wasn’t Hinata. It wasn’t Kamukura. It was both.

Leaning forward Nagito looked Hinata in the eyes, unwavering. “You’re wrong. You’re Kamukura, but you’re also Hinata. You’re both.”

“I’m… not…” Hinata started.

“This denial is unhealthy Hinata.” Nagito cut him off. “You’re always looking after us, but never yourself. Let me give you some advice.” Nagito grabbed Hinata’s wrist, just in case, and leaned closer. “If you keep denying a part of yourself, you’ll never recover.”

“You…” Hinata sucked in a breath.

“Also,” Nagito cut him off again. “I’m not chasing Kamukura. I’m not chasing Hinata. I’m chasing both.”

The air stagnated between them as if holding itself in anticipation. Blood filled Nagito’s lips and he was aware of the aching pressure, the desire to press his mouth against Hinata’s filling his mind. A beat, a pause of realities in flux: to take the kiss or not? The disastrous fallout from the karaoke party filled his mind but it didn’t fill Nagito with uncertainty. This time he knew what he wanted. He knew who he wanted.

Taking the leap, choosing the option in front of him, Nagito pressed his mouth against Hinata’s in a feverish manner. Something flooded him, the anticipation burst forward, leaving a hurricane of emotions filling Nagito.

Lifting his arms, he wrapped them around Hinata, pressing him closer, kissing him. Their mouths were slanted over each other, Nagito moving with a desperate motion. Prying Hinata’s mouth open he took what he wanted, curling his tongue around Hinata’s, sucking with obscene sounds. The air was hot as Nagito felt their bodies move backwards until Hinata was pressed against his cottage wall.

Their angle changed, Nagito able to kiss deeper, trace all Hinata’s mouth. When the need for oxygen burned inside, Nagito pulled his mouth off, his lips aching, wanting more. It was intoxicating. Hot puffs of air mingled between them. Hinata’s gaze was dazed and his hand was lifting to his mouth, tracing his lips. Nagito shivered. His lips were swollen, kiss swollen. His face was red and his breathing uneven.

“K-Komaeda…” His voice came out in a husky, breathy whisper.

Heat swelled in Nagito. He reached for Hinata’s wrist and pulled his finger from his lips, leaned forward and kissed Hinata again. Why hadn’t they done this before? Why did he let Hinata think he wanted only Kamukura? Nagito felt a hot rush of shame fill him. He wanted both and it was so selfish and greedy.

Nagito kissed Hinata deeper.

~

Hajime couldn’t think. Their conversation had devolved. The sting in his chest, the sting of being called out burned. Was Komaeda right? He had to accept Kamukura? Was that what his dream was telling him? He wasn’t Kamukura or Hinata, he was both? And Komaeda wanted him? Not Kamukura? He wanted to say it was a lie. It had to be.

But here he was, pressed against a wall, being kissed like he couldn’t remember experiencing before. The heat, the warmth, consumed him, engulfed him. Komaeda tasted like burnt sugar, caramelized beyond acceptance. It was sharp, almost bitter, but a sweetness lay underneath.

All Hajime could do was moan against Komaeda, let him kiss him. It felt like a ball of yarn had slipped through his fingers, tangling at his feet, rolling away. Hajime was out of control, could only let Komaeda open his mouth, press their tongues together, suck until the sounds in the air rang obscene and dirty. It was hot, too hot. Hajime tried to break the kiss by turning his head, but it changed their angle.

Komaeda broke the kiss, nibbling a bit on his lip, before pulling away, lips swollen and red. Hajime wanted to press his fingers back, but Komaeda could start kissing him again. Weakly, Hajime lifted his arms and pressed them against Komaeda’s shoulders.

“Y-You…”

“If you say I’m lying I’ll beat you cheerfully.” Komaeda told him, “I meant this. I don’t regret kissing you. Punish me if you want Hinata. I’ll take any punishment. But I won’t apologize.”

Punishment. Was that what he was supposed to do to regain control? To not feel the sting in his chest from Komaeda’s words? Gasping for air, Hajime could still feel his axis twirling and spiralling away. No, to punish Komaeda would be admitting defeat like he couldn’t find the words to win so violence is the next resort…

“Go. Now.” Hajime ordered, “Get out of my cottage.”

Komaeda tilted his head, “That’s it?”

His question bled like a bullet wound. Hajime sucked in a breath. “Yes. Leave me alone.”

“Very well.” Komaeda agreed before leaning closer again, pressing a tender, sweet kiss to his lips, “I meant what I said earlier. Good night Hinata.”

Komaeda left, the door shutting softly behind him. As soon as the door shut, Hajime felt his legs collapse. He slinked down, like he was in some cliché rom-com drama and pressed his fingers to his lips. What was he going to do? Komaeda was serious. Their kisses were serious and his words serious.

“Damn it…” Hajime groaned to himself, forcing his legs to move, to stand, “Damn it…”

Wobbling over to the bed, Hajime collapsed on the sheets, eyes closing automatically. He had no energy to think. All he could do was feel Komaeda’s words and kiss circle in his head creating a barrier to any other thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being excused: Not really a thing in Japan, so much as making sure you say "gochisousama (deshita)" before you leave the table. Which, doesn't really have a direct translation. Usually it's translated to "thanks for the meal" or something along those lines.
> 
> Tea: Traditionally, when you make green tea, you make a pot and you pour it out. Apparently green tea tastes better with the second pot... my aunt always says that and when I was in China, my family visited a tea plantation and they said the same thing.


	9. Confrontation and Card Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to take this long writing this chapter, but like all things, I got busy and distracted in writing. I decided to play FE Fates (Revelation's route in case anyone is wondering) with a male avatar (not quite done). I also decided to make a new file for FE Awakening. I'm sure some point in time I'm going to write a fanfiction for FE...
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. I really liked writing it and while I have to admit I derailed in a scene... it's a good derail and was fun to write! 
> 
> I also want to take this time to thank everyone for giving my fanfic a chance. Whether you read it, leave a kudos, leave a comment, bookmark it.. it really truly means a lot to me. Without all the fantastic support I assure you I wouldn't be writing this much on my own. So, thank you very much!

Morning came, the sunlight streaming through his window. The humid air waffled in, filling the space, giving a preview of the weather to come. Hajime shielded his eyes poorly with his arm. His brain felt fuzzy and his head heavy. Over and over his brain had circled around his encounter with Komaeda. The swirling inside him was numbed, floating in the background. His body didn’t want to move and Hajime wanted to stay in his bed, nestled in the covers. Forcing his body up, Hajime stretched and rubbed his eyes. His vision blurred a bit, fuzzy around the edges. Blankets messily wrapped around his hips, tangling around his legs. It felt like a consistent reminder, a whisper, to stay in bed, do nothing.

“You can’t do that.” Hajime muttered to himself.

He had Tsumiki to check on. If nothing else Hajime was going to do that. Staying in bed would make everyone worried and was a poor way to avoid Komaeda. Hajime flinched at the thought. Avoid Komaeda? What was he, a kid? Avoiding Komaeda wasn’t going to change everything, much to Hajime’s chagrin. Still, he wasn’t going to jump at the opportunity to see Komaeda.

Getting out of bed Hajime mindlessly dressed and glanced at the clock. The time was a bit later than he usually got up. He should just go to the hospital. His stomach wasn’t quite functioning yet and if he got hungry he could cook later. Nodding his head, Hajime tied his tie neatly and stepped out of his cottage. The sunlight was strong, almost glaring down like a magnifying glass. Hajime could feel heat seep into his body. This was going to be a long, unpleasant walk but a necessary one. He wasn’t going to get to the hospital by standing around.

Hajime started to walk feeling the sun beat harshly down on him. He was barely out of the hotel and already he was feeling uncomfortable. Sighing Hajime made a detour, stepping into the Market for a blessed moment of cool air. Walking to the back, Hajime grabbed a cold bottle of water and pressed it to his forehead. The relief was instant. It would be short lived but it was better than nothing.

Stepping back outside Hajime continued, sipping water whenever the burning need arose. The bottle started to drip with condensation, running down his arm whenever Hajime took a sip. By the time, he was at the hospital the bottle was empty and his hand damp. Stepping inside Hajime welcomed the AC and tossed the empty bottle into the recycling container by the door.

Souda and Sonia were still in the room, talking in hushed tones. Tsumiki was in bed, her head rolled to one side, her breathing even. Hajime’s heart twisted as he spotted the dark circles under their eyes and the yawns they were politely supressing behind hands. As he walked in, they turned around, both smiling nicely, though strained.

“Sorry I’m late.” Hajime offered, yawning himself.

Their gazes narrowed and Hajime immediately flopped his arm to his side, his cheeks flushed. They stayed up all night, yet he was yawning too? It felt inconsiderate. He shouldn’t be sleepy.

“I’ll take it from here.” Hajime said. “You two can rest.”

Sonia stood up and folded her arms around herself, shaking her head. “You look terrible Hinata. Did you sleep last night?”

Was it obvious? Hajime wanted to touch his face, but that would bring attention to it. Maybe, if he changed the subject? Hajime opened his mouth, words forming on hit tongue.

“I take your silence as a no.” Souda cut in, stopping Hajime in his tracks.

“Hinata…” Sonia’s gaze lowered and her brow furrowed. “You need rest. We can’t expect you to watch after Tsumiki if you’re exhausted. I’ll go find someone.”

She brushed past him. Hajime reached out and gently grabbed her wrist. His face was warm, “I-It’s fine Sonia, Kazuichi…”

“Hinata,” Sonia delicately started as she pulled her wrist out of his hand with ease. “You need rest. You’ve been pushing yourself. Please.”

What could Hajime say to that? He watched her walk out before turning to Souda. No doubt he had limited time to look at Tsumiki. Maybe he could get a simple check up in. Walking to the small bathroom off the room, Hajime began to wash his hands. Souda followed, hovering at the door.

“So, Tsumiki slept most of the night.” Souda started, “She woke up a couple of times, mainly just to go to the bathroom and drink some water.”

That was not the best. Hajime would have liked Tsumiki to have uninterrupted sleep, but it was better than what he got. “How was she acting?”

“Sleepy?” Souda offered. “She didn’t try anything or say much.”

No news should be considered good news but Hajime a bit on edge. Even Komaeda had episodes when he first woke up, though mainly short ones. Tsumiki having nothing felt like Hajime was standing on the edge of a diving platform, waiting for someone to push him off. A shiver ran down his spine. Hajime walked out of the bathroom and grabbed some gloves, fitting them snuggly over his hands, and grabbed a clipboard.

He began to do simple tests: blood pressure, temperature… Hajime reached to write the results down, but found Souda, already doing it dutifully and silent.

“Thank you.” Hajime softly said.

“No problem.” Souda muttered.

Moving down the list, Hajime lost himself in the tests. He barely noted the door opening and Sonia greeting them. Gingerly moving away from Tsumiki, Hajime was about to turn to Souda, to tell the results and froze.

Komaeda stood beside Sonia, picking a bit at his coat. Hajime’s throat tightened and the room went fuzzy. Their encounter, the kisses, it all rushed back to Hajime, accompanied by Komaeda’s words, barbed and to the point. Letting out a silent wheeze of air, Hajime forced oxygen through his lungs and moved to Souda, grabbing the pen, writing down the result.

“Hey, I can do that.” Souda protested but didn’t move the clipboard.

“Sorry Hinata.” Sonia bowed. “I took too long! Owari is coming over. She was just finishing breakfast. I didn’t see Kuzuryuu, but I got Komaeda!”

“Uh, thank you.” Hajime kept his gaze unnecessarily focused on the clipboard. “I’m done here. I’ll be in the on-call room if anyone needs me.”

Stepping away Hajime took the gloves off and tossed them, constantly moving around. He would have to walk past Komaeda to get out and his heart leapt at the idea. Was it possible to use the window as an escape? Hajime eyed it. No, he was an adult. He could handle walking past Komaeda. Despite the kiss Hajime wasn’t going to be silly about avoiding him. Swallowing Hajime forced his gaze up, turning in Komaeda’s direction. Trying his best to look past Komaeda, Hajime slowly walked out. The space between the wall and Komaeda was tight and their shoulders brushed as Hajime walked past. His heart nearly stopped but Hajime pushed forward, exiting.

Footsteps echoed behind him as Hajime walked down the hall. He didn’t have to turn to look who it was. Souda bounded after him until they were walking side by side. Hajime waited almost stopping his gait to see what Souda wanted. Nothing was said and he continued to follow even walking into the on-call room.

“Can I help you with something Kazuichi?” Hajime finally asked.

“I want to know what’s wrong.” Souda said calmly. “You were acting strange when Komaeda walked in. Did something happen?”

Damn. First, they noticed how exhausted he was and now they noticed his reaction to Komaeda. Hajime winced. “Nothing too awful. He just talked to me last night.”

“Did you two argue?” Souda asked.

“No…” Hajime admitted as he walked over to the bed, plopping down. “He was just blunt.”

Souda chuckled, “Sounds like Komaeda but he must have done something major. You wouldn’t be avoiding him otherwise.”

Hajime tugged on the sheets, opening the bed. The memories swelled up, leaking into puddles of scenes. Everything starkly stood out in pools at his feet. Hajime wanted to mop the water up, forget about it, but forgetting and ignoring wasn’t the answer.

“Look…” Souda plopped down beside him. “I’m not going to push if it’s something you don’t want to say. I’m just worried. We all are.” He added rubbing his hair.

The easy way out would be to tell Souda it was something he didn’t want to say and let Souda leave him. Hajime curled his fingers into the sheets. Keeping everyone out wasn’t good. Should he say something? He had to say something to reassure.

“Komaeda just…”

How did Hajime tell Souda what Komaeda accused him of? That he was running away from Kamukura, from himself? That didn’t look good and Hajime didn’t have a solid opinion yet. The words were swirling and mixing with his brain like oil in water. It wasn’t time to say anything about that.

“He…” Hajime scrambled, “He kissed me.”

Souda choked, air squeezing out of his lungs. Hajime nearly jolted up as he reached forward. Was Souda choking on air? Or on his saliva? What should he do?

“Kazuichi?” Hajime tentatively placed a hand on Souda’s shoulder.

“He… wow…” Souda wheezed, coughing, “Sorry, I didn’t expect that.”

Hajime blushed. Now that he said it he wanted to shove the words back into his mouth. Who kissed and told? Wasn’t that something people generally frowned upon?

“He didn’t force himself on you, did he?” Souda’s voice was steady now.

Hajime bit his lip and jumped away from Souda. “No, not really I mean it was a surprise but…”

“Okay, okay.” Souda’s face was an alarming shade of pink. “I don’t need to hear what you do or don’t do with Komaeda in private.”

What? Hajime gaped at the wording and stood up, face burning. “It isn’t like that… we aren’t…”

“Right, I’ll let you two sort that out yourselves.” Souda shut the conversation down. “I’m sorry I pried. I was worried and yeah, I’ll see myself out…”

Hajime wanted to stop Souda, to tell him he got it all wrong, but the door shut. Should he go after him? No, Souda wasn’t going to be persuaded. Flopping down onto the bed, Hajime crawled under the covers, and shut his eyes.

~

Sonia, to Nagito’s surprise, didn’t leave and sat down beside him. Nagito eyed the door. Hinata hadn’t looked him directly in the eyes and all but fled from the room. It was an expected reaction. Of course, Hinata was upset, possibly mad at him for shoving him against a wall and kissing him. The memory danced in Nagito’s head and he wanted to touch his lips. It was worth it. Worth it to kiss Hinata and finally show him how he felt.

 _“See? If only you listened to me earlier…” Enoshima_ almost sounded put off. _“I’m a good matchmaker…”_

Nagito shoved her away and she easily slipped into the back of his mind. Why it was easier this time, Nagito wasn’t sure. Perhaps she only wanted to gloat a bit?

“May I ask you something?” Sonia breached the silence.

“Sure?” Komaeda looked at her. What would she want to ask him?

“Did something happen between you and Hinata?”

Nagito blinked. What did he say to that?

“Hinata left quickly and didn’t really look or greet you.” Sonia offered an explanation. “I was just worried something happened. Did you two argue?”

Sonia had turned to look at him. Her cheeks were a bit pink, but her eyes were focused and brow furrowed. Nagito tried to think. What could he say? He didn’t want to tell her he kissed Hinata. That would open all sorts of questions. Carefully, Nagito picked his words.

“I may have said some things to Hinata that could be considered blunt.”

“Oh…” Sonia nodded. “I understand. But, you think Hinata needed to hear them?”

“Yes.” Nagito easily answered. “I do.”

“I suppose you called him out on something you don’t like.” Sonia mused. “I won’t ask what it was but I hope you two sort it out. Just remember… both parties are right in their own way.”

Nagito nodded dutifully. Sonia was ever the diplomatic, not prying or pushing into other’s problems, but still helping. It was rather nice. Kuzuryuu’s advice was to the point but Sonia’s advice was kind with a hint of something strong underneath.

The rustling of blankets alerted them to Tsumiki. Nagito looked over and watched as she woke up, eyes opening and head turning. Nagito looked away. Sure, Tsumiki was behaving but that meant nothing. Sonia, on the other hand, stood up and walked over, closer to Tsumiki.

“Good morning Tsumiki. It’s me, Sonia. Do you remember?”

“Y-You were w-watching me last n-night.” Tsumiki softly said. “T-Thank you.”

“No problem!” Sonia smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“B-Better.” Tsumiki said. “I-Is Hinata here?”

Sonia nodded. “He’s resting here. In the mean time Komaeda and Owari will watch after you.”

As if on cue Owari walked in. “Hey sorry I’m late. Go get some sleep Sonia.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Sonia stood up. “I’ll see you later Tsumiki. Please, recover soon.”

Nagito watched Sonia leave. In the background Owari was pulling the chair closer to Tsumiki’s bed, chatting. Her voice filled the room, making little way for Tsumiki, who still spoke softly. Nagito shuffled a bit and returned to his chair, sitting a bit away from Tsumiki and Owari, keeping his gaze on Tsumiki. It was still unclear to him how much she remembered but her words when she woke up still echoed softly in his mind. Nagito frowned. Would Tsumiki have another round of Despair and not know? It happened to him.

“So, did Hajiji tell you when you’ll be out of here?” Owari asked.

“W-well… I’m d-doing great.” Tsumiki stammered. “I-I just need to g-get my strength to w-walk.”

“Oh right!” Owari nodded. “Everyone had some walking troubles, but we all recovered quickly, even Komaeda and he only recently woke up!” She cheerfully turned to him. “Right?”

“Yes.” Nagito slowly said. “I’m fine now.”

“See?” Owari turned back to Tsumiki. “I’m sure you’ll be out of here in no time. We should throw another party to celebrate when you’re out! How does that sound?”

Tsumiki opened her mouth to speak, but her stomach growled loudly. A hot rush of pink filled her cheeks and she looked down.

“I… I…”

“You’re hungry.” Owari supplied. “Makes sense. We can make something?” She stood up and cocked her head. “Should I carry you or?”

Tsumiki bit her lip as her eyes ran down Owari’s frame. Nagito caught on. While Owari was looking healthier by the day she had lost a lot of muscle. There was a chance she would drop Tsumiki, injuring someone.

“I’ll get a wheelchair.” Nagito suggested.

He didn’t wait for a response. Nagito walked out and glanced around. He never saw where Hinata got the wheelchair for him, but there was a room with a sign labelling it a supply room. Perhaps it was in there? Nagito walked over and opened the room. It was spacious with many things including wheelchairs. Nagito smiled and picked one pushing it back to Tsumiki’s room.

Owari was still there standing. As he walked in she turned around. Nagito carefully wheeled the chair moving it until it was in the perfect place to move Tsumiki. Locking the wheels, Nagito stepped back. How were they going to do this? Neither Owari or him were trained professionals. He looked at Tsumiki.

“Uh…” Owari walked over. “I’ll just…?” She trailed off.

“Um…” Tsumiki spoke, “If you two come here…”

Nagito slowly walked over. Tsumiki began to instruct them slowly. Nagito’s hold felt a bit strange and off and he was sure Owari was trying to take more of Tsumiki’s weight but the managed to get Tsumiki into the chair, though they did slightly bump her sides. Letting go, Nagito stretched and watched as Owari was rubbing her arms. She stopped as soon as he looked and wobbled over to the back of the chair, unlocking the wheels.

“Let’s go!” She cheerfully said. “To the kitchen!”

Following Nagito let Owari wheel Tsumiki in before he walked in. Heading directly to the fridge, Nagito checked. Hinata had some basic things in the fridge but not a lot. Good thing only Tsumiki was hungry. Pulling out some sort of soup and something that looked like a pasta salad. There was also rice and a stir fry. Nagito pulled it all out and set it on the counter.

“How hungry are you?” He asked.

Tsumiki looked. “Uh... m-maybe… just the s-soup?”

Nodding Nagito went to the stove and put the soup on. As the soup warmed up he put everything else back into the fridge and waited, stirring the pot every so often. When it was done Nagito poured it into a bowl and carried it over to Tsumiki.

“T-Thank you…” She muttered. “I-It looks g-good.”

“Hinata made it.” Nagito replied sitting down.

“S-Still… t-thank you for the m-meal.”

A softness filled the kitchen. Nagito was fine staring into space and Owari was whistling, walking around the kitchen, opening cabinets. Everything felt normal. Nagito rested his hand on his chin. Something was bound to go wrong. What would it be? Tsumiki going into Despair? Someone getting hurt? Enoshima starting to talk to him again?

It was neither of those. The door to the kitchen opened and Hinata walked in, rubbing his head. Nagito frowned. He couldn’t have been gone for more than an hour. That wasn’t a rest. Owari seemed to think so too. She shut a cabinet loudly and walked over, brow furrowed.

“I thought you were resting.” She poked him.

“I rested.” Hinata protested. “I’m fine.” He turned to Tsumiki. “How are you feeling?”

“I-I’m good.” She replied.

Hinata smiled. Nagito shuffled in his seat, almost expecting Hinata to sit beside him but he sat beside Tsumiki, angling his body so he was mainly looking at her, though his gaze did flicker over to him. Nagito’s heart leapt a bit and he wanted to say something to Hinata but couldn’t.

It was obvious; Hinata was upset at him or disliked him and wasn’t going to say it in front of people. Logical, Hinata didn’t want a scene when he told him what he really felt about the kiss. Nagito wanted to touch his lips, remember the pressure and warmth of Hinata’s lips against his. He wanted to reexperience it, kiss Hinata again, just to remind himself how great it felt. The burning inside of Nagito’s chest rekindled and Nagito straightened his posture. Avoiding the topic wasn’t good. Even if Hinata was upset at him, Nagito had to hear for himself, talk it out with him. And hopefully get a punishment out of it. He could imagine it now. Something creative or maybe something that hurt a bit too.

 _“Do you think that will help?”_ A voice, surprisingly not Enoshima, asked him deep in his mind.

Nagito pondered the question, turning his head. Even if talking didn’t it was the best to consider the option rather than dance in silence. And, even if Hinata didn’t want to talk about it, he hopefully would want to punish him. They couldn’t keep avoiding each other forever and a punishment would hopefully smooth everything over. Nagito nodded his head. Tonight. He’d have to talk to Hinata tonight.

 

~

The moment he walked in, Hajime could feel Komaeda’s presence hovering at the corner of his mind, never wavering. It was almost enough that Hajime wanted to walk out like Komaeda merely sitting in the room was draining him of oxygen. Hajime tried to listen to Owari and Tsumiki, the former who began to chat rather excitedly and the latter silently nodding, but his mind couldn’t focus.

Instead the kiss rolled around in his mind just like it did when he tried to rest. It was exhausting. Hadn’t he already thought about it enough? Apparently not or at least his brain didn’t think so. Hajime wanted to smack his head against the table. Everything about the encounter kept dancing in his head like a broken record player playing the same looped section. The words, the barbed words, the heightened tingling in his neck, in his skin. The way Komaeda advanced sure and certain before kissing him, pressing until all Hajime could think of was the press of his lips against his…

Hajime rubbed his forehead. What was that? Hajime’s breath was knocked out of him. Was he seeing the memory in a sensual way? His stomach twisted hard and Hajime nearly doubled over in pain. That couldn’t be a part of it, right? He shook his head. No, it couldn’t be.

Focusing back on Tsumiki, Hajime nearly pounced as she finished eating. He couldn’t stay close to Komaeda. At least, not now. He’d have to talk to him later, sort everything out, and soon. The next night. Hajime winced. It felt too soon and his pulse rapidly beat under his skin, but it was necessary. They couldn’t keep avoiding each other forever.

“Let’s go on a walk Tsumiki.” Hajime kept his voice even. “You can’t stay inside all day.”

“O-Okay…” Tsumiki stammered.

“I know it’s not much,” Hajime admitted. “but we can at least go outside the hospital for a short distance. Though it’s really hot outside; we won’t be long.”

Owari jumped up. “Hell yeah! I’ll join you!”

Hajime busied himself, gathering Tsumiki’s dishes. “Just let me put these in the dishwasher and we’ll go.”

He didn’t ask if Komaeda was joining. Hajime’s throat seized up at the idea. Instead he’d let the invite stand open. If Komaeda wanted to take them up on it he would. Setting the dishes inside the machine, Hajime set the cycle on and walked to Tsumiki, wheeling her out of the kitchen. Owari followed and a long beat past before Komaeda followed too.

~

The walk was pleasant, even though the weather was hot, and they did a short circuit, not straying too far from the hospital, and returned inside in under fifteen minutes. Hajime glanced at Tsumiki who didn’t look too bad, though her brow glistened a bit. Running off to get them all water, Hajime yawned as he headed to the kitchen.

“You’re yawning.” Owari accused him when he returned. “Look, I know you say you’re fine but I think I got this. Go.” She waved her hand in a shooing manner.

Hajime wanted to protest but Owari glared. “Look, if Sonia and Souda find out I let you stay up, they’ll be mad. So, go. Komaeda and I got this.”

Well… when she put it like that… and it gave him a good reason to get away from Komaeda… Hajime nodded. “Okay… I’ll be… asleep in the on-call room.”

“You better be.” Owari’s glare doubled. “Or else.”

Right. Hajime tried to look at both Komaeda and Owari. “Thank you.”

“Go.” Owari said.

Hajime wobbled away back to the on-call room. Flopping back down on the bed Hajime shut his eyes, finding it a bit easier this time and slowly drifted into sleep.

~

_Kamukura watched Servant as he slept. When Servant was awake there was this buzz around him, scribbles of lines dancing around his eyes, his mouth. All the words he spoke gushed out of his mouth, like tilted paint, oozing and covering the surface in glossy globs. Servant couldn’t keep quiet, couldn’t stop words from exiting his lips. Kamukura could see it, could see the burning in his stomach, flames licking and curling up to his throat. If Servant remained quiet, he’d choke on the smoke and ashes._

_Yet, when he was asleep the fire was out and the scribbles gone. Sleep an almost serene, light air waffled over his body, like a blanket of mist, protecting his mind from the inky blackness that needed to escape. Kamukura brushed Servant’s hair, combing through. He almost expected to see black roots the ink tainting his brain, to seep out, dye his hair yet again in illness and madness._

_Servant curled closer, the blankets wrapping around his waist, as he snuggled into Kamukura, seeking warmth. Kamukura wasn’t sure if it was his luck or Servant’s or maybe a combination of both, that lead them to the house. It was on the outskirts of town and remained almost untouched. Dust was just settling in, and some corners were dirty from the wind that blew through a broken window. Other than that, it was clean._

_Night had settled in only a while ago, but the chill was there. Fall had arrived and the days were getting shorter, the nights a bit cooler. Kamukura didn’t care. Weather had no affect on the world, though soon they’d find frozen bodies rather than sun kissed rotting flesh._

_A whimper escaped Servant’s throat, soft and breathy. Kamukura looked down. His fingers were tangled in Servant’s hair, pulling a bit. He uncurled his fingers and settled on rubbing Servant’s forehead. Sleep started to crawl in his vision and Kamukura supposed it was time to rest. Shuffling a bit under the covers, Kamukura felt Servant shift and change his angle, tangling until their legs were locked and his chest pushed up to Kamukura’s._

_Something warm, barely a candle’s flicker, filled Kamukura. Regardless of where they were, who he could find, Servant clung to him. Logic told him it was because of body heat. Kamukura dropped his hand from Servant’s hair. His palm felt colder, despite being under the covers. Frowning, Kamukura shut his eyes, letting sleep over take him, ignoring the cold that radiated from his palm._

~

Shame Hinata really was asleep. And he had really been hoping to receive a punishment.

Nagito poked his head in slowly as he carefully opened the door. The lights were dimmed but the room was still light. Hinata lay, curled in the middle of the bed, covers hastily thrown over his body. With the heat the covers were almost useless. Deeming it safe to walk in, Nagito did so, shutting the door softly. He could see the outline of shoes on Hinata’s feet and his tie still tied. He frowned. Hinata hadn’t bothered. It almost made Nagito want to take Hinata’s shoes off and undo his tie, but Hinata would notice.

Instead he sat down on the edge of the bed. How tempting it was to crawl in the covers and snuggle him, feel the body heat that he felt so many times with Kamukura. Nagito’s fingers twitched and he curled them into the sheets. That was bad; he shouldn’t have come here. Why he did was beyond him but Nagito wasn’t able to leave, his body frozen. No, it was best to leave, before something happened like Hinata waking up.

Steeling himself Nagito was about to stand up, to go, when he felt Hinata shift, turning a bit in his dream. It was a peaceful turn, languid. Nagito’s mouth curled into a smile. Was Hinata dreaming? Was it a memory? It had to be peaceful, a rare event. Hinata’s arms flopped, spread on the bed, his hand nearly smacking his leg. If he left Hinata like this he’d wake up with a sore shoulder. The angle he managed to get himself into; Nagito wanted to laugh. Kamukura was a still sleeper, but Hinata moved different yet they both let out small puffs of air when they breathed.

“How cute.” Nagito muttered, stroking Hinata’s hand.

He froze. When did he grab Hinata’s hand? He looked down, almost expecting Hinata to be awake, eyes furrowed but he was still sleeping. Nagito felt Hinata’s fingers clutch his hand, his right hand. Immediately warmth flowed into his palm. A fluttering filled Nagito’s heart and he wanted to keep holding Hinata’s hand, but it was best to go.

“Sorry, next time.” Nagito whispered. “Well, if you let me hold your hand when you’re awake.”

Lifting Hinata’s hand, Nagito pressed a light kiss to the knuckles, and readjusted Hinata’s position gently so he wouldn’t wake up with a cramping shoulder. Standing up Nagito wobbled out, touching his lips with a smile as he left.

~

Almost slowly, like he was rising in water, Hajime woke up, his eyes opening. Day was starting, the pink and gold hues of a sunrise starting to paint the light and sky. His head didn’t hurt and he felt rested. No turmoil filled his heart, no aches, no cries on his lips, just a tingling sensation of cold on his hand. Hajime lifted his arm, staring at his hand. The dream was surprisingly sweet, almost like a strange interlude in a tragedy. Twisting his wrist, Hajime examined his hand. Komaeda’s warmth almost felt real, like he had his hand on Komaeda’s face. He shook his head. It was a memory, but it felt closer to a dream. Was that really Kamukura? Was this dream truly a memory buried in his brain? Hajime wasn’t sure. The line between memories and dreams had blurred, distorted.

Groaning Hajime sat up, pushing the thought away, and stood up. The clock told him it was mid evening, close to supper. A reminder that he skipped both breakfast and lunch hit him, his stomach growling at him. Smoothing his clothes out, Hajime walked out, first stopping at Tsumiki’s room. Tsumiki was reading something and Owari was stretching. Komaeda was no where to be found.

“Hey,” Hajime waved. “Sorry for being away. Are you hungry?”

“Nope, we ate.” Owari announced.

“Y-Yes… I’m fine.” Tsumiki waved her arm.

“Okay.” Hajime rubbed his head. “I’ll go get myself something and then you can go back Owari. Also, where’s Komaeda?”

“He left about half an hour ago?” Owari supplied, tapping her chin. “Said he should tell everyone else how Tsumiki is doing.”

How thoughtful. Hajime’s mind churned, telling him Komaeda had other reasons, but he ignored it. “I see. That’s good. I’ll just get food.” Hajime shuffled out, giving a jilted wave.

His stomach growled again, but Hajime didn’t feel too hungry. Grabbing the pasta salad, Hajime took the whole bowl and a fork into Tsumiki’s room. Owari was still stretching but she stopped when Hajime waked in.

“Thanks for today.” Hajime told her, “Enjoy your evening.”

“Thanks Haji!” Owari grinned, “See you later Tsumiki!” She bounded off.

She shut the door behind her. Hajime set his food on the table and moved the chair a bit away, less he accidently make a mess on the bedding. “So, how are you feeling Tsumiki?”

“G-good.” She replied. “I-I enjoyed g-going outside.”

Hajime made a note. “We can do that again tomorrow.”

“T-Thank you.” Tsumiki stammered. “S-So… I was w-wondering…”

“Yes?” Hajime prompted.

“C-Could you t-tell me a-about the P-Program…?” Tsumiki’s voice softly trailed at the end.

The Program. Hajime expected this. He chewed thoughtfully before replying. “I don’t have the files with me.”

“I-It’s okay… I-I w-want to h-hear it.”

Hajime eyed her. Tsumiki was blushing but she was trying to look him in the eyes. He swallowed and calculated. She hadn’t shown signs of Despair, just like Komaeda but that could happen once he started to tell her about the events that occurred. Hopefully not. Hajime didn’t want to deal with Enoshima’s voice in another person.

“Okay. I’ll start at the beginning.”

The story was so familiar. Hajime had seen the files so often he found himself saying the story almost word for word. His food slowly was eaten and by the end of the first trial, Hajime’s pasta was warm. Tsumiki never looked away from him, almost as though the words erased her shyness. It let Hajime gage her reactions. The way her eyes widened when he told about Monokuma, the little gasp of air when he told about Togami’s death; it all felt genuine.

“And then, well the execution started.” Hajime slowly said, keeping his gaze firmly on Tsumiki.

He carefully talked about the execution without feeling queasy. Maybe he shouldn’t have eaten. Tsumiki on the other hand looked pale, almost sickly, as Hajime did his best to finish the tale without going into too much detail. His words slowly dripped in the air as Hajime finished. A pause breathed for a second in the air, before Tsumiki shakily let out a small sound.

 “Are you…” Hajime delicately stated, “How are you feeling? Honestly.”

“H-Honestly?” Tsumiki repeated, “I-I… feel… s-sick…”

Hajime let out a long wheeze of air. He didn’t want to tell Tsumiki that was good, feeling sick wasn’t but it was the preferable response to anything resembling happiness. “Do you want some water?”

“N-No, I’m just…” Tsumiki sunk into the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin, “T-Thank you f-for t-telling me.”

Did he have to reply with a ‘you’re welcome?’ Hajime was sure that wasn’t the best response. He instead nodded. The clock was getting closer and closer to a proper bedtime. Standing up Hajime turned off most of the major lights, except for a reading light by Tsumiki’s bed.

“Tomorrow we’ll do some physio.” Hajime informed her. “So, rest up, okay?”

Tsumiki mumbled something into the covers and silence filled the room once more.

~

Nagito tapped the table with his finger softly barely audible. Sonia, Souda, and Kuzuryuu had long since eaten and left. Dishes were clean, dried, and put away. Nagito almost wished there was something to do, rather than sit and think. He could leave the restaurant but where else would he go? His cottage? He’d be doing the same thing just lying on a bed not sitting at a table. The hospital was also off limits. If he wished to properly talk to Hinata, he couldn’t make it feel like he was hovering.

The clock chimed softly in the background. Nagito turned and looked. It was getting late. Hinata was doing a night shift with Tsumiki. He wouldn’t be back until the morning. His plan to talk to Hinata in the evening was on hold. No doubt Hinata wouldn’t return to his cottage until early morning. He could ambush him after, but the results wouldn’t be favourable. Nagito would have to wait to talk to Hinata.

 _“Yeah, you can wait to hear how much he dislikes you.”_ Enoshima muttered softly.

Nagito winced at her words. Even if she was true there was a possibility he would have to face that outcome.

“Go away.” He muttered to Enoshima.

 _“I hope he punishes you good.”_ Enoshima said as parting words.

Her presence drifted, like mist on the ocean, slipping away, but lingering in the farther corners, visible and murky. Nagito refocused and looked at the clock. It was pointless to stay in the empty restaurant, but Nagito didn’t want to move. He’d go back to his cottage in a moment.

Nagito lay his head on the table and closed his eyes. He fell asleep.

~

Kuzuryuu came to switch with him earlier than Hajime expected. The sun was only barely in the sky, yet he was there, dressed in his suit, looking crisp and clean. Tsumiki was still dozing a bit, but her eyes would open occasionally. Hajime had already done some simple check-ups and sleep was starting to become a pressing matter to him.

“Good morning Fuyuhiko.” Hajime greeted.

“Good morning Hajime.” Kuzuryuu sat down. “Go, get some proper sleep. Not here. Go back to your cottage. Sonia or Souda said they’d come join me. Whenever they wake up.”

Hajime stretched, “But if there are any problems that arise…”

“Yeah, yeah we’ve managed. We got this.” Kuzuryuu said, “Now go.”

Right. Hajime wasn’t going to protest again. Giving Tsumiki a smile he waved to her, “I’ll see you later Tsumiki.”

“G-good-bye Hinata.” Tsumiki sleepily replied.

Leaving, Hajime began his walk back to the main island. Maybe they should re-check the military base, see if they could get something running. They had no gasoline but maybe they could create a solar powered car or something? Hajime’s brain felt fuzzy. He stopped thinking and focused on walking.

Making it back to his cottage Hajime all but flopped down on his bed. How did he manage this with Komaeda? He was glad Tsumiki was up, but he’d be happier once she was stable and out of the hospital.

Sleep came easy to him.

~

_Where was he?_

_Hajime’s lungs felt like bursting as he ran, pushing past grey, meaningless crowds, trying to relocate the flash of black and red. Water colour backgrounds blurred in his vision as Hajime ran. His legs burned, the muscles aching, limbs screaming with each step forward. It forced him to stop, to pause and catch his breath. Hajime doubled over, gasping for air, when he saw Kamukura, barely, out of the corner of his eye._

_He had to run, had to find him. Hajime pushed forward, running, bumping into people, brushing past them. Anything to find Kamukura. He slowly moved away from the city, towards rural areas again. Hajime wanted to give up, as the streets got narrower, and the sidewalk disappearing every so often._

_The world started to take a grey shade, the smell of moisture in the air, giving very little warning to the rain. It was warm, humid, soaking Hajime. It pattered hard against the concrete, against the earth, a drum beat. Hajime felt his clothes stick to his body and hinder his movement. He had to keep going. What direction, he was unsure, but he had to find Kamukura._

_A flash of red. Again, Hajime desperately followed it, like a child lost in a crowd looking for their parents. He ran, grimacing inside as stairs came into view. Hajime ran up them, feeling like they stretched on forever, a climb to the heavens. When he finally reached the top, Hajime took the scenery in._

_Somehow, they were now in a park, circular, with trees taller and older than Hajime could comprehend. The rain seeped into the grass and the soil, making everything dark, rich. Kamukura stood away from Hajime, back turned, staring at the largest tree in the park._

_The tree was easily a century old, weaving tales from many people, many emotions into it’s trunk and branches. Hajime warily stepped forward, right into a puddle, splashing. It felt like he screamed it was so loud in the void of silence._

_Kamukura didn’t disappear or turn around. Hajime thickly swallowed and continued to walk, his heart pounding, his chest aching. Was this it? Did he catch Kamukura? He had to know, had to tag him. Time slowed down, like it always does for important events, and soon the distance was no more than an arm reach._

_Hajime lifted his hand, pausing, expecting Kamukura to disappear in the final moment, but he didn’t. Hajime touched Kamukura’s shoulders._

~

He woke up, arm outstretched, chest rising wildly. His heart pounded, like he had run a marathon. Fitting for the dream he just had. Hajime let out a breathy laugh before gasping in air. He barely had time to breathe, the dream running wildly in his brain, when a knock came at his door. The knock was soft but loud enough. Hajime’s heart stopped for a bit and looked at the clock. It was still morning, though late morning. For a moment Hajime considered ignoring it, just lying down and resting, but the knock happened again, a bit harder. It had to be important. Hajime got up, stretching. It was better for him to see what was happening.

The moment he opened the door, Hajime regretted it. Komaeda stood at the door. Hajime’s arm twitched, almost wanting to shut the door, but he held firm. He did think about talking to Komaeda about that night but he wasn’t ready. Hajime’s tongue was tied and he felt his brain blank.

“Can I come inside?” Komaeda asked.

“No.” Hajime blurted out, before flushing.

Komaeda laughed a bit. “I shouldn’t be surprised considering what happened last time.”

“No, I mean…” Hajime groaned. “Yes, but… just…”

“Stay away from you?” Komaeda supplied, “I can do that sir.”

Hajime exhaled slowly and walked back letting Komaeda walk in. Walking backwards, Hajime kept his eyes on Komaeda, watching him shut the door silently behind him. He shuffled in, keeping his hands clasped behind his back, balancing on the heels of his feet. A full minute passed, the clock ticking the seconds down audibly, before Hajime broke the silence.

“What do you want?” Hajime tried.

“Are you ordering me to tell you?”

Hajime groaned and rubbed his head. Everything went back to ordering. Komaeda always asking for clarification. Did he think that was all Hinata wanted? Orders and orders? Weren’t they supposed to be friends? The orders were only supposed to be when Komaeda heard Enoshima not a daily part of their interactions.

“I suppose that’s a yes.” Komaeda graciously said. “I wanted to know if you dislike me or hate me now.”

Dislike? Hate? Hajime’s mouth soured at the words. It was clear what Komaeda was referring to. The kiss. The one that happened in the space they were currently occupying. Hajime’s lips tingled at the memory and Hajime tried to shove it away, focusing on the night. Sure, he was surprised, a bit startled, and uncomfortable at the general memory, but dislike and hate?

“No, I don’t.” Hajime answered, clearly.

“Okay.” Komaeda accepted it easily. “Will you punish me?”

“Punish?” Hajime parroted, blinking. “What?”

“You didn’t tell me to kiss you.” Komaeda pointed out. “I did that on my own. I violated your trust and personal space. Will you punish me for that?”

That was true. Hajime warily stepped a bit closer. Komaeda hadn’t considered his feelings, nor offered an apology. He still wasn’t but was asking for a punishment as good as Hajime was going to get? It made his skin crawl, curling up his back and spine. His blood felt sluggish through his veins and Hajime shivered.

“No. I won’t do that either.” Hajime replied.

Komaeda’s eyes widened and his mouth opened, closing, and opening a bit, words escaped, before he clamped his mouth shut. His eyes were still wide and his arms were now at his side, foot forward as though he was going to lunge at him.

“But I did something wrong.” Komaeda’s voice was small, almost like a kid who couldn’t comprehend a bigger idea.

“Komaeda.” Hajime carefully said. “Punishing people for bad behaviour is like. I don’t know, when parents used to strap their kids. If you want a punishment you should instead think about what you did and why it was wrong. That is what fixes problems, changing your behaviour.”

Komaeda’s mouth twisted and his eyes narrowed. “But I don’t think I did anything wrong. I told you, I’m not apologizing. It’s like when a murderer goes to jail. Sometimes they don’t think they did anything wrong, but they need to be punished.”

“Murder?” Hajime raised his eyebrows. “Stealing a kiss isn’t on par with murder Komaeda.”

“Kisses.” Komaeda corrected him.

Right. Kisses. Hajime sighed. “Look, same difference. You specifically asked me to punish you and that means I am in charge. I’ll decide when I punish you or not. Stealing kisses is minor Komaeda.”

Komaeda’s brow furrowed more and he stepped forward, “But…” His voice trailed off, lost in the air. “That’s not how it works. I did something wrong.”

Why were they dancing in circles? What would he have to say to get Komaeda to listen to him? Or at least come to a compromise? This was going no where. Why couldn’t Komaeda just accept he wasn’t angry about it, wasn’t upset at him, and leave it?

“Or…” Komaeda’s tone shifted, “are you telling me you’re not upset because you accept my feelings?”

The room turned cold. Hajime stammered, eyes widening. Where did he jump to that conclusion? Was there a missing link that lead him into that direction? Hajime’s cheeks burned.

“No.” Hajime felt the word rush from his lips, “No, it isn’t that.”

“Are you sure?” Komaeda stood tall, eyes flashing with a whirlwind of emotions. “Either you’re upset at me and will punish me or you’re not and accept my feelings.”

“What?” Hajime gaped. “That’s binary thinking Komaeda. That’s childish. You’re trying to place things into clean cut yes or no. Look it was a bit startling to get kissed, but really, I just want to…”

Want to what? Hajime stopped. Forget about it? Wasn’t that childish too? Something bad happened, let’s just forget about it? But Hajime had told Komaeda how he felt. Wasn’t that enough? Wasn’t acknowledging it happened and telling how he felt sorting it out? Nothing else needed to be said, right?

“Forget about it?” Komaeda called him out. “You’d toss my feelings away like that? Rude.” He stepped closer.

Hajime stepped back. Why was this always happening? Couldn’t they have normal disagreements that resulted in conversations that weren’t making his stomach flop and twist. At this rate, Hajime was going to need a new stomach.

“Ok, I’m sorry. I’m not tossing your feelings away.” Hajime carefully said, causing Komaeda to stop, “I just really I’m not mad about it. Don’t ask me to punish you. It’s not happening.”

“If you’re not tossing my feelings away, tell me how you feel about the kisses then.” Komaeda challenged him, crossing his arms once again. “You said you’re not mad, but you must feel something towards them, yes?”

Crap. What was that one saying? Out of the pan and into the fire? Hajime gulped. How he felt? He could barely think about the night, other than the immediate shyness and desire to not be alone with Komaeda. Which is what he was doing now. Hajime winced. He was not thinking things through. Was it too late to slip out of his cottage or ask Komaeda to leave? Probably. Komaeda wasn’t going to listen to him, Hajime was sure of it.

“I told you already how I feel.” Komaeda sighed, looking down, tone exasperated. “I told you I know who I’m chasing, who my feelings are directed to. You can’t use that as an excuse. So, answer me, what do you feel?”

“I…” Hajime started. Maybe if he was honest about it Komaeda would leave? “I’m not sure.”

“Not sure?” Komaeda looked up, unfolding his arms. “Honestly?”

“Yes.” Hajime hoped his voice sounded firm. “I’m honest. Please, believe me. I’m unsure but I know I’m not mad or upset at you. I don’t dislike you Komaeda, or hate you… I…”

Komaeda walked up to him, eyes narrowed, and reaching out, almost to touch Hajime’s face but it fell to his side. He snorted and let out a bit of a laugh. “Is this hope?”

“I beg your pardon?” Hajime asked.

Komaeda looked him in the eyes, “I thought you’d hate me, want to punish me for the kisses. Instead you’re unsure. Does this mean you’ll…”

Oh. OH. Hajime’s face burned. He got what Komaeda was implying. Hajime shook his head harshly, hoping to shake the burning off his cheeks. There was but Komaeda had said it; he wasn’t chasing Kamukura but that meant he had to accept…? Hajime felt his heart stab in pain. He doubled over, clutching his chest, wheezing. Komaeda was at his side in a second, gently rubbing his shoulders.

“Oh no, I didn’t cause a heart attack, right?” Komaeda fretted. “Knowing my luck…”

“No…” Hajime gasped out, “Heart attacks… there isn’t always chest pain… shoulder pain… back pain… not exclusively in the chest… a common mistake people make… that’s why denial is part of the…”

Komaeda cut him off, smoothly pulling Hajime up, pressing his lips to his once more. Hajime felt stars burst from behind his eyes. The warmth, the pressure it was overwhelming. Where did Komaeda learn to kiss? Oh, right, apparently from Kamukura. Possibly. Had Komaeda kissed others? How did he kiss ~~other people~~ Kamukura? Something inky formed in the pit of Hajime’s soul, slowly dripping, staining everything. Why did it matter? Komaeda could kiss anyone he wanted.

Their angle changed. Hajime felt gravity pull them down, onto his bed. Komaeda pressed hotly against him, knee between Hajime’s leg. The advantage Komaeda had made their kiss deeper, obscener. Dirty, wet sounds filled the air, as Hajime felt himself react, kissing Komaeda back, loving how Komaeda seemed to know how to press, how to pull back.

Something snapped inside of Hajime, but he wasn’t sure what. Suddenly he flipped their positions, pinning Komaeda down, hands holding Komaeda’s wrists to his sides. They pulled for air, saliva connecting their lips together as they gasped for air. Komaeda wiggled and managed to slip his left arm from Hajime’s grip. Wrapping it around Hajime’s head, Komaeda pulled him down, so their lips met again. It was hot, too hot. Everything burned inside Hajime, spreading through his veins, coating every thought, every feeling inside of him. The heat was too much. Hajime broke their kiss, gasping. Komaeda wasted no time, latching his lips onto Hajime’s neck, sucking. It sent a thrill down Hajime’s spine, a sensation he never knew existed. He could feel Komaeda’s tongue in an intimate way and the bit of his teeth against his skin…

Hajime pushed Komaeda away, gasping, face warm. Komaeda licked his lips and titled his head, exposing his neck.

“Mark me Hinata.” He gasped, “We should match…”

Match… Hajime was going to make a stealth trip to the market later. He prayed no one saw him or it would become very awkward. “We shouldn’t be…”

“Return the favour. Please.” Komaeda softly begged. “Please Hinata.”

The rational side of Hajime’s brain, the one that told him they should stop, spoke. Hajime wasn’t even sure how he felt towards Komaeda, yet they had two long make out sessions in the span of two days. This wasn’t good. He was leading Komaeda on should he sort out his feelings before doing anything else.

Instead Hajime leaned forward, lips touching Komaeda’s neck softly. “Okay Komaeda.”

He licked, suckled on the skin. Komaeda let out a long mewl, gasping and loud, filling the room with a sultry air. Everything was already hot, so what was another addition to the fire? Hajime bit and licked, alternating, feeling Komaeda shiver and shake under him, wiggling in the bedding. It was addicting. Hajime had a flash of them doing this every night, him finding new ways to get Komaeda to gasp under him.

Hajime pulled away, feeling the fantasy dance in his brain. The skin around Komaeda’s neck was red. It would definitely leave a mark. Embarrassment should have filled Hajime, but it didn’t. Instead a white-hot desire formed in his heart. Hajime held back his gasp and got off Komaeda.

 “S-Sorry, I…”

“Does this mean you at least like me back a little bit?” Komaeda almost cheekily asked. “Souda did volunteer to change with Kuzuryuu this morning. We have time.”

Hajime shot a glare, “I’m going to see my patient today. Please leave. I need to get ready.”

“Okay.” Komaeda surprisingly complied, “This was enjoyable.” His eyes twinkled, “Sir.”

Was it possible to die from blushing? The way he said it and after what they did left the room feeling sticky. Hajime pointed to the door. “Get out. Now.”

“Yes, right away sir.” Komaeda grinned, getting off the bed, “By the way, I’m considering this a positive answer to my question. I do hope someday I’ll know explicitly if you accept my feelings or not and that this helps you draw a conclusion.”

He left before Hajime could say anything else.

~

The moment Nagito left Hinata’s cottage, he gleefully smiled, touching his neck. That was amazing, kissing Hinata, having Hinata take charge… it left all sorts of tingles and warmth in his body, pooling in his stomach, radiating. Lifting his hand, Nagito pressed it to his neck. He didn’t have to look at it to tell it was going to bruise into a dark hickey. Nagito let out a high giggle. Technically he should cover it up, but Hinata never ordered him to do so.

 _“Oh wow, so naughty.”_ Enoshima cooed.

For once, Nagito agreed with her.

~

Getting ready shouldn’t have taken Hajime so long, but everything was looping, consistently and in detail. His brain started to add in more possibilities and Hajime forcibly shut his brain down. Focusing on his task, mainly a trip to the market, Hajime walked in and located the make up section. He was always surprised to find they had one, limited as it was, but he was not about to complain. Picking out a talent, Hajime let his brain move on auto pilot working without a mirror, hands moving with ease. By the time he finished, Hajime knew it was covered. Taking a moment to check that Komaeda’s hickey was hidden properly, Hajime practically raced over to the hospital.

Souda nearly jumped out of his seat, dropping the cards in his hand. It appeared that everyone bar Komaeda, was visiting Tsumiki. Owari was doing a handstand, while the other three were in some sort of card game.

“Hajime?” Kuzuryuu asked before frowning. “You were gone for many five hours max. Go back to sleep.”

“I…” What was Hajime going to say? He had a heavy make out session with Komaeda and now he couldn’t sleep? “I slept a bit…”

“Not enough.” Kuzuryuu replied. “But since you’re here… want to join us?”

“Uh okay?” Hajime sat down. “What are you playing?”

“Kaiser.” Sonia replied. “Well at least we’re trying. I’m not very good.”

Kaiser… Hajime’s brain immediately supplied the rules. “I see.”

“You can join after this round.” Sonia said.

“Okay.” Hajime smiled. He felt his brain shove the morning with Komaeda away for the time being.

He watched them play, watched as Souda’s face fell when he picked the three of spades. Tsumiki laughed, not evilly, but sweetly, a smile stretching across her face. This was nice, everyone just sitting, playing. Owari finished her stretches and plopped over, leaning over Sonia’s shoulder as she watched. When the round finished, Kuzuryuu gathered the cards and began to shuffle them. Sonia stepped away, letting Hajime take her place closer to the small circle they made around Tsumiki.

Kuzuryuu dealt the cards. “Looks like we’re partners.”

“Yes.” Hajime took his cards. “Let’s do our best.”

“We’re going to cream you guys!” Souda cheered. “Right Tsumiki?”

“Uh, y-yes… w-we will…” Tsumiki looked like she was about to faint from her declaration.

The trumping suit was chosen and the round began, Hajime wincing when it went to Tsumiki and Souda. Who, after making their bid, had to pick their trump suit.

“What should we make it?” Souda asked Tsumiki.

“Uh… diamonds…” Tsumiki decided.

“Okay! Diamonds it is!” Souda agreed.

Hajime looked at his hand. He had some decent diamonds, but nothing higher than a Jack. He’d have to be careful and not waste it. Hopefully Kuzuryuu had something higher. A quick glance and Kuzuryuu gave Hajime a small wink. It had to mean something good, right?

They played, nearly getting the three of spades but thankfully Souda took it, tearfully. Tsumiki gave a small giggle at his reaction, despite it being a loss for their team. The round finished, Hajime and Kuzuryuu winning. Almost silently they began another round. Hajime’s hand worse than his previous one but they did get to pick the trumping suit so it was a bonus. Not much of one though as Souda and Tsumiki snatched the five of hearts. The round ended with them winning.

“Aw yeah!” Souda reached for Tsumiki. “High five!”

“Oh, I want to play a round!” Owari poked Souda. “You’ve been playing for a bit. Let me have a chance!”

“Okay, okay…” Souda stood up.

Kuzuryuu was just about to gather all the cards, when the door opened. Komaeda walked in. Hajime’s face burned and his neck ached. It had barely been an hour but here he was how could he look him in the eyes and act natural? He would just have to try.

“Ah, I figured everyone was here.” Komaeda cheerfully said. “I’ll just…”

“No, please join us.” Sonia said. “We haven’t been here long. We’re playing Kaiser.”

“Kaiser?” Komaeda blinked. “I’ve never played it.”

“It’s pretty easy!” Sonia said. “Kuzuryuu says it’s a foreign card game he learnt years ago.”

“Okay.” Komaeda sat down. “But my luck…”

“We’ll just have you against Hajime in our next round.” Kuzuryuu decided. “We were just going to start a new…” His voice trailed off and he looked down, blushing.

“What?” Owari immediately caught it. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Kuzuryuu coughed. “I’ll start dealing the hands…”

“Come on Baby Gangsta what is it?” Owari looked around, “You are quiet…” She paused and stared at Komaeda, “Oh.”

Hajime’s blood froze. He never… oh god. His face was burning again. “Let’s just play…”

Souda and Sonia on the other hand looked torn between saying something and pulling Hajime aside. Hajime firmly planted himself, looking directly at Kuzuryuu, away from Komaeda. “Let’s play.”

“Right…” Kuzuryuu began to shuffle the cards.

“… no wonder Hajime was awake…” Owari muttered.

“OWARI!” Sonia gasped out for him.

Hajime’s face burned. “Just… it’s nothing…”

“It’s just a hickey.” Komaeda calmly stated.

That wasn’t helping the situation. Hajime accepted the cards from Kuzuryuu, hoping if he didn’t say anything, the situation would pass. Owari shut up but Hajime could hear her snickering and attempt to hide a smile.

It was going to be a long round of cards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiss and Tell: That old saying of not kissing and telling? That's still a thing right?
> 
> Car: Okay, I did a bit of thinking about this and... I assumed the vehicles on the fifth island are like the planes and not functional. IE: No engine or something to help it run. That being said, I'm sure Hajime and Souda could make something if they gave it a shot. Maybe later...
> 
> Strap: Smacking a belt against someone's hands or backside as punishment. While I'm not sure if Japan ever had a discipline for children like that in the past, I know in Hong Kong they did. My father remembers when he was very young students getting it at school (in Hong Kong) across their hands. Of course, Hong Kong was a British colony for many years... Either way, I used it because it is a form of physical violence that for many centuries was considered a form of discipline.
> 
> Kissing: Confession, I never planned for the scene to go that way... but Komaeda made it so and I couldn't complain.
> 
> Kaiser: An actual card game, that I according to the internet, is actually from my area of Canada! I played it a lot during lunch time in high school. Basically you need four players. The player across from you is your partner. The only cards dealt are from 7-King plus all the Aces. The three of spades replaces the seven of spades, and the five of hearts replaces the seven of hearts. Once all the cards are dealt, a bid must be made, from 6-12 and a "trump" suit (which suit will have the upper hand). You don't need a "trumping" suit if you don't want to. Anyways, the goal of the game is to win the rounds by having the highest card played. Aces are the highest, unless there is a "trump" suit. For example, if the "trumping" suit is hearts, it doesn't matter what value any other card is, the heart will win against any Ace (unless it's the Ace of Hearts). The five of hearts gives an instant +5 points and the three of spades gives an instant -3 points.
> 
> If you wish to learn more about this game, I suggest looking it up yourself. It is a lot of fun!


	10. The Scorpion, the Frog, and the Lifeline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative name for this chapter: Counselling ft. Sonia and Kuzuryuu. 
> 
> Oh boy this took me long to write! But now, since it's Golden Week, I finally have the chance to write and I'm so happy I finished this chapter. Despite taking so long to write this, I had a fun time. I hope I won't take as long to get another chapter out next time. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave a kudos or comment. They always make my day. Thank you for all the support!

Was it too late for him to slip out and hide?

Hajime tossed the question around in his mind as another round was starting, letting Tsumiki sit out. Stares brushed his back, trying to not focus on him. Hajime cringed. He would prefer if they stared directly at him, rather than dancing off his back. The staring doubled when Komaeda sat beside him, forced to be close due to the space around the bed. Their shoulders brushed as Hajime reached for his hand and he winced. He could feel the heat coming off Komaeda and a distinct smell of caramelized sugar. Hajime’s hands tightened on the cards and stared directly at Owari and Kuzuryuu, who was his partner for the round. Hajime almost wished Komaeda was across from him, but perhaps it was better he was beside him. Komaeda had made no attempt to hide his… neck and Hajime didn’t want to stare at it, didn’t want to see the skin slowly bruising into a darker purple-red colour. The memory of the… encounter made a heat fill his stomach, like a hot air balloon slowly rising.

Clamping down on the emotions running through him, Hajime focused on the game. The trumping suit was clubs. If he was careful… Hajime placed his card and smiled when they won the round. Kuzuryuu grabbed the cards, making a neat pile. However, in the next round they lost. Hajime cringed as he realized Owari and Komaeda took the five of hearts. Komaeda reached forward to grab the pile and brushed against Hajime, bumping into him. Hajime nearly dropped his hand and could feel Souda’s stare on his back. Owari coughed into her elbow and even Tsumiki shuffled in the bed.

“So… uh how was everyone’s morning?” Hajime asked.

“Uh…” Sonia started, “Fine… everything was fine.”

“Tsumiki slept all night.” Kuzuryuu offered as he tossed a card into the middle.

“Y-Yes… I did.” She confirmed. “I-I’ve been feeling better.”

“That’s good.” Hajime gave a smile in her direction.

“Aw yeah!” Owari cheered, also tossing a card, “Speaking of that, I think once Tsumiki feels better we should have another picnic or party.”

“That sounds delightful!” Sonia bobbed her head.

Silence filled the room again. Hajime cringed. Eyeing Komaeda carefully, Hajime wished he had asked Komaeda to hid the hickey… but it was too late for him to bemoan that fact. It wasn’t helping with Souda’s stare into his back and everyone’s gazes shuffling around.

“Hajime, play a card?” Kuzuryuu prompted him.

Hajime jolted and looked down at his hand. Tossing a card in he barely noted Komaeda and Owari taking the hand, winning the round, and winning the game over all.

 “We win!" Owari gleefully proclaimed, “That was a good game!”

“Yes, it was.” Kuzuryuu agreed, gathering the cards, “Should we play another game?”

Hajime eyed Tsumiki She was hiding a yawn behind her hand and shuffling in the bed. Taking a quick look at the clock Hajime stood up. Tsumiki needed some tests done and to get out of bed. Shaking his head at Sonia, Hajime offered a small smile.

“Sorry, I think we should end cards for today.” He gestured to Tsumiki, “Perhaps tomorrow?”

“Oh, sorry Hinata. It’s no problem.” Sonia said. “We’ll leave it for today.”

“I’ll see you later Hajime.” Kuzuryuu said as he put the cards back into their packaging.

“Good.” Souda stretched, standing up, “I got some things to do. Catch you later.” He waved and slipped out of the room.

One by one everyone said farewells to Tsumiki, though Komaeda merely glanced at her and glided out silently. Hajime wanted to call him out on it, but confrontation with Komaeda was the last thing he needed. Once a day was more than enough and Hajime wasn’t going to linger on it. Later, he’d deal with all of that later. Turning to Tsumiki, Hajime began to run tests. Tsumiki followed everything and helped with the process. Writing down the last bit, Hajime set the clipboard down.

“Ready for some physio?” Hajime asked.

“S-Sure…” Tsumiki nodded.

Physio went smoothly, Tsumiki even insisting softly on walking back to the room herself, half using him for balancing and half using the rails on the wall. Hajime still hovered close to her, in case. Once they returned, Hajime helped Tsumiki back into bed. Her walking was getting better and better. If she kept up she’d be released soon. Everything else was stable. Hajime smiled. This was going smoothly and all for the better.

“You’re doing great.” Hajime praised.

“Thank you…” Tsumiki looked down, pink dusting her cheeks, “I-I feel a-a lot better.”

“What would you like to do next?” Hajime prompted, “We could go outside if you like? It’s hot… as usual, but being inside all day isn’t fun.”

Tsumiki was silent for a moment before she spoke gingerly, “C-could we go on the roof?”

The roof. Hajime blinked, but nodded, “Sure, we can do that.”

They made their way to the roof, Tsumiki sitting in a wheelchair for part of the journey. When they got to the stairs, she carefully walked up, gripping the rail on one side and Hajime on the other.

Up on the roof, the breeze was a bit stronger, cool and light on their faces. Heat still pulsed down on them, but the shade from the entrance and breeze gave some respite. Tsumiki hobbled over and sat down on the bench, just a bit out of the shade, but enough in so she wouldn’t overheat as quickly. Hajime sat beside her, staring out. They couldn’t see much, though Hajime could make out the tips of Electric Avenue. The sky was a startling blue, so rich in hue it hurt to look at.

“H-Hinata.” She stammered, “I-I was w-wondering… could you t-tell me… a-about… the…”

“The next trial?” Hajime supplied, “Sure.” He swallowed. It was time to see if she’d react to anything.

Slowly, carefully, he wove the story of the second trial, painting the picture, telling her about Kuzuryuu, Pekoyama, and Koizumi. He paused for a fraction of a second when it got to Saionji, before he pushed on, eyeing her reaction. Tsumiki’s hands tightened in her robe, but nothing escaped her lips. He continued, until the words were all used, the trial done. Tsumiki was staring at her knees, her fingers white in her robe as she tangled the fabric. Hajime leaned a bit closer, slowly reaching out, touching her hand softly. Tsumiki jolted minutely under his fingers, but relaxed, exhaling slowly. The heat of the day suddenly burst into Hajime’s mind, reminding him of the time spent outside.

“Shall we go back inside?” Hajime asked.

Tsumiki nodded, her voice holding a tremor as she spoke, “O-Okay…” She looked up, her eyes cloudy with rain.

~

Nagito stepped out of the hospital and into the warm day. The sky was dotted in clouds, but it did nothing to stop the sweltering heat. It felt like he was being slapped with a humid towel in a sauna. His day was free and with it an endless possibility of things to do. There were still places he hadn’t fully looked at, particularly the fifth island. A cold chill, like someone dripped aloe gel down his back, filled his heated skin. Nagito shuddered and saw the warehouse in the file, the one Hinata showed him when they went through the Neo World Program’s Trials. Was the warehouse the same? Nagito tilted his head. He could feel the warehouse, steel and concrete saturating the air, the smell of burning fabric and cardboard cut outs… Nagito exhaled slowly. A small part of him wanted to see the fifth island, go to the warehouse.

 _“Oh, how masochistic of you.”_ Enoshima purred.

He shoved her away, but the tingle in his spine, one born from her words, was driving into his back, a nail in his bones. In a way, he wanted to see the warehouse, see where he technically died. Would he feel anything upon seeing it? Would he remember what it was like beyond hazy memories? Nagito felt his mouth tug up. Only one way to find out…

“Komaeda?”

He nearly jumped as he turned, exhaling slowly. Sonia stood there, twisting her hands into her shirt, “Sorry, did I startle you?”

“A bit.” Nagito truthfully replied, “Can I help you?”

Sonia bit her lip, “I… was hoping I could talk to you.”

Talk to him? Her gaze glanced down at the ground and back up, darting a bit, before wobbling over to him, unsteady like a newly born fawn. A bit of pink dusted her cheeks and Nagito spotted her gaze dart to his neck before she tried her best to steady it. Nagito held back a laugh. If he were anyone else and Sonia anyone else, he’d expect a love confession.

“If it’s not too much of a bother.” Sonia quickly added.

“No, in fact, I was going… on a walk.” Nagito offered. “You can join me, if you like.”

Sonia nodded and started to walk. Nagito followed, walking until they were evenly paced, side by side. Sonia’s gaze was forward, but her hands hadn’t untangled from her shirt, merely curling, and tightening before she let go of her shirt and looked at him.

“I hope you don’t think I’m nosey.” Sonia started, “But are you and Hinata okay?”

Nagito blinked and touched his neck. Sonia flushed, but didn’t break her pace or gaze.

“I mean you were arguing earlier and even after… kissing.” Sonia paused, “You were silent in the hospital, not looking at each other. It wasn’t us, right?” She asked, “We didn’t make you feel uncomfortable?”

How to answer her? Nagito dropped his hand and kept walking. He couldn’t answer the question, at least, with a clear answer. The hickey on his neck spoke of intimacy, but reality was, Hinata wasn’t facing his feelings, sorting anything out. First Kamukura and now this. Nagito’s mouth twisted. Hinata couldn’t even punish him correctly. What had changed? He had agreed to it… but refused.

“I take it you two had another argument?” Sonia prompted, “Sometimes pushing isn’t helpful. Perhaps Hinata still needs time to sort everything out?”

 _“You should listen to her.”_ Enoshima suddenly piped up, _“Sonia’s an expert on feelings and when people don’t accept the feelings of others. Look at Souda.”_

Nagito’s breath sharply dug into his throat, cutting as it pushed out of his mouth, giving an iron taste to his saliva. Enoshima cackled as Nagito shut his eyes, pushing her and her words away. Was it as simple as Sonia was suggesting? Let Hinata sit and wait? He had implied that when he left Hinata’s cottage earlier, but saying and practicing was different, and challenging.

 _“Just like getting Hinata to kiss you.”_ Enoshima drawled in the corner of his mind, _“Or pay attention to you. Now what will you do if he doesn’t punish you?”_

She… was right. Nagito stopped walking, something warm filled his cheeks, trailing a cold touch to his neck, briefly at the hickey, before trailing away. Nagito immediately touched his neck again, wanting to check a mirror. Was it gone? It… couldn’t be gone yet, but soon it would. The mark would erase from his skin, never to be seen again. And then what? Would Hinata ignore him then? Ignore him for the others?

 _“Probably… I mean look at how much time he’s spending with Tsumiki… what if someone else wakes up? It will be a cycle all over again.”_ Enoshima sweetly said.

That… wouldn’t happen… Nagito shook his head. Hinata wouldn’t just abandon him… leave him on his own. Despite not punishing him once, that didn’t mean any of the other orders weren’t still in effect.

 _“Are you so sure?”_ Enoshima inquired, _“Maybe you should test that claim? You could do something… see what Hinata would say…”_

No… he… Nagito stared at his hands. Was she right? Did he have to do something to get Hinata’s attention? Would that be enough to get him to punish him? To not leave him?

 _“Well, I mean, he’s clearly not accepting your feelings…”_ Enoshima sighed, _“So…”_

“Komaeda?” Sonia gently touched his arm, feeling the part where metal and skin met, where scar tissue webbed out like a lightening strike. “Are you feeling all right? You got… quiet.”

“I…” Nagito’s throat felt dry as he tried to talk, “I’m…”

Sonia’s lips pursed for a second, her eyes darting to the side, before she looked at him again, her grip tightening on his arm, “Is it… Enoshima?”

Her words winded him, his lungs collapsing like a needle to a balloon. Nagito wheezed, floundering for a moment, like a fish taken out of water. He wanted to tell her no, but his reaction spoke loudly. Sonia’s eyes narrowed and her grip tightened to the point her fingers were white.

“I… I’m not going to ask what she’s saying…” Sonia spoke slowly, “All I’m going to say is…she’s lying… whatever she’s telling you, it’s a lie.”

Enoshima scoffed in the back of his mind, but Nagito clung to Sonia’s words, to her certainty. The balancing in the mind, the tightrope that felt like it was under Enoshima’s control more than Hinata’s of late, stopped moving slightly, for the moment, thanks to Sonia. Nagito found himself gripping her arm with his other hand, briefly, feeling her warmth, her sincerity ringing in her words and her gaze.

“Thank you.” Nagito whispered, less the moment be broken.

~

Sonia arrived just after the clock struck six, chiming in the evening. In her hands was a bag from the supermarket, filled with snacks and a drink. Tsumiki glanced at Sonia and waved gently as she walked in. Hajime stood up, stretching, feeling his muscles slightly protest at the movement.

“Thanks Sonia.” Hajime greeted her.

“No problem Hinata.” She replied softly, “Owari will join me in a moment… but…” She bit her lip, “Can I talk with you? Privately… just for a moment.”

Hajime blinked, “Sure?” He turned to Tsumiki, “Sorry Tsumiki, we’ll be out in the hallway.”

Sonia set her snacks down and lead him out, shutting the door to Tsumiki’s room gently. Without much pretense, she looked at him and spoke.

“I was with Komaeda earlier today.” She said, “I… I know you two had an argument… even before today…”

“Did Souda say anything?” Hajime pondered, flushing at the memory of telling Souda he kissed Komaeda. Moot point now considering what happened in the morning.

“No… I talked to Komaeda myself.” Sonia replied, “And today he… he heard Enoshima as we were walking. I don’t know what she was saying but… Hajime… please…” She dropped his last name, “I’m just worried.”

Worried. The word drove a stake into his stomach, pushing splinters of wood into flesh. The wound pulsed with blood and the wood drove deeper into his body. Hajime felt his breath catch in his throat, felt the numbing of his mind as the pain eased into his body, sending nerves flying. The turn of her mouth and the angle of her eyebrows didn’t help. Sonia’s gaze didn’t flicker and it made the wound hurt more.

“Sorry…” Sonia shuffled, “I know we ask a lot of you… I just… I don’t want Komaeda hearing Enoshima. I don’t know what we can do… what if Komaeda… tips again?”

The tightrope, the balancing act he was doing. Hajime exhaled in a ragged breath, feeling almost light headed at the rush of oxygen to his system. Komaeda’s struggle to stay balanced, to not fall… Hajime groaned. He hadn’t thought about it, especially when they were kissing. Was this enough to topple Komaeda over? Hajime shut his eyes. He wished he could go inside Komaeda’s mind, see what he was thinking and fix everything. It would be easier than the confrontations, the swirl of emotions layering his mind.

“No… it’s fine Sonia.” Hajime said, “I don’t either… I just…” Komaeda’s words. They attacked him too, adding poison to wound. “I have things to… sort out…”

Sonia nodded and reached forward, easily taking his hand into her hands, curling her fingers. Hajime savoured the heat, only realizing how cold his hands were. Sonia carefully stepped forward and pressed herself into his shoulder, not technically a hug, but a hug in spirit.

“I’m here for you too Hajime.” She said, “We always are using you to help us with our problems, but you need someone to help you too.” Sonia stepped back, “So please, come to me if you need someone to talk to.”

Hajime opened his mouth, to thank her, but a gargled mess came out. He froze and felt warm tears welling in his eyes, dripping quietly down his face. Sonia reached into her pocket and pulled out a small package of tissues. Hajime took them, feeling a smile fill his face. Quickly he dried his tears and handed the package back to Sonia.

“Thank you, Sonia.” Hajime’s voice was quiet. “I’ll… I got some things to think about… but I promise I’ll come to you if I need more help.”

Sonia’s smile radiated. Hajime gently took his hands out of hers and stepped back, “I best go now…”

“Right.” Sonia nodded, “Sleep well Hajime.”

Leaving her with a wave, Hajime walked out of the hospital in time to see Owari running inside, she waved cheerfully before stopping and staring at him.

“You all right?” She asked, “Your face is a bit red…”

“I’m fine.” Hajime quickly said, “Just…”

“Right.” Owari patted his shoulder, “We’re always here for you Haji. Have a good evening.”

“Good night Owari.” Hajime bid before leaving the third island, heading back to his cottage.

His mind was swirling, but his heart was a bit lighter.

~

_Everything turned white, a blinding white, stealing his senses, stealing his sense of space and footing. Hajime couldn’t think for a moment, couldn’t feel, everything robbed the light. Yet, as soon as it appeared it disappeared, leaving blackness in it’s trace. Hajime blinked, trying to adjust to the change in light, stumbling a bit. His vision focused and he took in his surroundings._

_He was back in the city, cracked concrete at his feet. Buildings surrounded him, tall, silent skyscrapers, and the occasional tree. There was no sound of people, no rustle of walking or bikes. No cars. Not even the whistle of wind. Empty. Void. Kamukura stood in front of him, steps away, completely out of his grasp. Red eyes stared back at Hajime before he looked down at his arm. A sigh, barely there, minute, a speck of dust in the air. Letting his arm fall to his side, Kamukura looked back at Hajime._

_“Are you ready?” Kamukura asked._

_“Ready?”_

_Hajime let the words hit his ears. Ready? For what? His body tensed, muscles coiling, breath shortening, joints bending. Anticipation sparked in the air, viscous, thick, like bloomed gelatin. Kamukura nodded and then moved, like he was gliding, shifting through a pocket in space. He appeared in front of Hajime, touching his face, this time letting his fingers sink into the skin, digging closer to Hajime’s skull. Pain should have sparked, but all Hajime could do was stare._

_“Are you ready?”_

_The distance was smaller, something brewing in the air between their faces, like the beginning of a thunderstorm, the thickness of air, the warmth and cool mixing in a constant battle. Hajime felt light headed. He had no idea what Kamukura meant, but his tongue was heavy with rot, unable to speak, unable to move. Instead he forced his arm out, wanting to grab Kamukura, but his muscles recoiled, brain screaming to not do it, high on alert, waiting for the pain, like Hajime was going to touch a burning stove top._

_“You caught me, but now,” Kamukura reached for Hajime’s hand, clasping Hajime’s hand, bridging the distance, “Can you accept me?”_

_Before Hajime could answer, Kamukura pushed him away into gravity’s embrace. Hajime felt a tingle in his back as he fell, fell into tendrils of colour, pulling him further away from Kamukura. He wanted to fight back, wanted to reach again, but gravity slowly wrapped chains around him and dragged Hajime down into a kaleidoscope of colour._

~

His stomach flopped into his rib cage as his brain slammed back into his skull. His muscles twitched and Hajime let out a gasp as he scrambled to regain his bearings. Blankets were curled around his legs and barely the trickle of sunlight filled the room. Hajime flopped back into his bed and stared at the ceiling. The dream was both sharp and muted, rounded in some places and vivid in others. Touching his face, Hajime could feel the touch of Kamukura, the imprint of his fingers, the feel of his arm pushing, sending Hajime away.

_“Can you accept me?”_

The words floated in Hajime’s brain, like a helium balloon cut from a string, bouncing in a room. It was laced with the same words Komaeda had thrown at him. Hajime touched his face, trailing closer to his eyes. His heterochromia stared back at him every day, a physical reminder. Was that enough? Was seeing physical changes enough to accept the change? Hajime dug into his heart, tried to answer the question, but words fell flat, like a carbonated drink opened for too long. It wasn’t a matter of can… it was a matter of must. An ache in his chest, like someone was trying to carve his heart out with a dull spoon spread, numbing him. Hajime wanted the answer to neatly fall into his lap, wrapped, and presented, but it was impossible.

Groaning, Hajime rolled onto his back, trying to sort his mind out. The encounter with Sonia and the dream mixed into a ball of blown glass. Kamukura… Komaeda… everything was swirling around those two, giving him the catalyst to his problems. Even if he couldn’t answer the questions in his mind, Hajime had to do something, had to solve the problems. Perhaps he should talk to someone… Sonia would be too tired… but maybe someone else could help. Hajime snorted and sat up, rubbing his head. It felt a bit strange, being the one asking for advice, but that wasn’t going to stop him. It was late enough. Someone had to be up and about. Hajime just hoped, it wasn’t Komaeda.

“That would be helpful…” Hajime muttered, “Asking Komaeda for advice on what to do with himself.”

He smiled and for a second, everything felt a bit stable in his world.

~

Nagito considered going to the hospital for a fraction of a second before walking past the bridge to the third island. He hadn’t gone to see Hinata and the disobedience to his order (despite a twisting in his stomach asking him if Hinata still wanted it followed) made his head spin. Just because Hinata didn’t punish him once, did that mean he wouldn’t do it ever? Was every order Hinata given him null?

_“Well, that’s a shame… you were so sure that plan would work…”_

“Shut up.” Nagito snapped.

_“Maybe it’s a sign Hinata doesn’t want to deal with you any more…”_

“I said shut up.” Nagito repeated.

He could feel Enoshima rolling her eyes before she faded into the background. Nagito pushed himself forward, passing the fourth island’s bridge and onto the fifth island’s. Even at the distance, he could see the cold metal exterior of the buildings, a general grey and blue atmosphere spiralling into the sky. He didn’t have to go, didn’t have to see the island… Nagito continued to walk, each step taking him closer to the fifth island. When he got closer, he paused, barely at the threshold where the bridge morphed into the ground of the fifth island. He didn’t have to go. Nagito lifted his hand, like he was touching a shield to the island, a divide, separating the island from him. The air shifted and he felt cold, despite the sun beaming in the sky. It wasn’t too late to turn around. No one was here to see him, no one would know.

He took the step forward, onto the fifth island, almost expecting a shock or something to change. Nothing did. Nagito exhaled and started to walk. The surroundings were blurry as he beelined to his destination, the only thing weighing on his mind.

The warehouse sat away from the path, like it was in its own pocket dimension. Nagito swallowed, but didn’t look away, didn’t close his eyes. He didn’t want to feel the coldness of the knife, the smell of plastic, and the weight of poison. Fear, like a coil of a silk scarf around his neck threatened to strangle him, squeezing his air out. Nagito let out a hollow chuckle. Suffocation… that was basically what the poison did.

 _“Morbid~”_ Enoshima sang, _“Will you go inside? See where you died?”_

Was that even a question at this point? Nagito tried to walk over, but his legs crumbled, knees bumping into each other. Once or twice Nagito almost toppled over, but he fell forward, touching the door’s handle. Without pretense, he opened the door.

At once a musky smell hit his nose, one mixed with stale heat, concrete, dust, and molding fabric. There were no Monokuma panels, or an MP3 player. The curtain was barely a curtain and more like a moth, mold eaten sheet. Light tried to pour in through the small windows, but the place was still half cast in shadows.

He stepped inside, leaving the door open. Walking carefully, Nagito glanced up. He could see the metal beams holding the roof up. If he looked carefully, maybe he could see the blood stain that was left from the cord of the spear. His mouth twitched. There was no flood of memories, no emotion swelling up in his chest. There was only numbness, a detachment from his mind and body.

Nagito walked to the back of the warehouse. There was no blood, no tape covering his mouth, no pain in his limbs, no Monokuma plush. Empty. It was all empty. Nagito felt a laugh burst in his chest and the feel of concrete under his knees (when did he fall to the ground?). His laughter mixed in the air and some time during his laughing, his face was wet with tears.

 _“This is a crappy place to die.”_ Enoshima distastefully muttered, _“But I suppose it’s fine for someone unwanted.”_

Unwanted… Nagito’s chest stung at her words.

_“Of course, Hinata hasn’t left you yet. You just need to give him a reason to punish you. Go ahead, do something naughty.”_

That’s what he needed to do… Hinata was just confused. If he did something else, something to warrant a punishment, Hinata would do it… right?

~

Kuzuryuu was sitting by the pool, his feet dipped in the water, kicking it a bit, watching the ripples extend outwards. Hajime quickly took a seat beside him, nudging his shoulder as he sat down. Hajime took off his shoes, but left his socks on, and crossed his legs.

“Good morning.” Hajime greeted.

“Morning Hajime.” Kuzuryuu replied, “Did you sleep well?”

Hajime shrugged, “It was fine. You?”

Kuzuryuu snorted, “I slept well. I got another message from Naegi this morning.”

Naegi. Right. They were coming to visit. Hajime smiled, “What did it say?”

“Just that they were leaving and would try to keep us posted. They couldn’t smuggle a helicopter, so they’re using a boat.”

Hajime nodded and silently calculated, “It should take them a couple of days.”

“If the weather is good. Which is always is around here.” Kuzuryuu laughed. “I hope they bring reports… it’s too quiet… I feel like our bubble will burst one day.”

Their bubble… Hajime stared at the sky. The island was quiet, still, like the world inside a snow globe. The mainland and the chaos… it felt far away, but soon it would reach them. Hajime’s eyes narrowed. Despair, anarchy, misery… it was a poisonous miasma.

“So…” Kuzuryuu spoke quietly, “How’s Komaeda doing?”

“Komaeda?” Hajime’s heart twisted. He took a deep breath. He had decided advice was a good thing… this just opened the conversation sooner, “He’s… I don’t know honestly.” Hajime curled his legs closer to himself.

“I’m not idealistic enough to believe everything was smooth with you two.” Kuzuryuu sighed, “You two were too silent, too still around each other in the hospital. What happened?”

“We…”

“And don’t say any bullshit like ‘but you saw Komaeda’s neck’.” Kuzuryuu scoffed.

Hajime’s cheeks burned, “We kissed before. Komaeda had… said things and this morning he wanted to apologize. He asked me to punish him.”

Kuzuryuu’s face pinked a bit, “Did punishment include giving him a…”

“NO!” Hajime flailed, “That was… accidental.”

“Accidental?” Kuzuryuu raised an eyebrow. “I am sort of having a hard time believing that.”

“Komaeda thinks he likes me.” Hajime blurted out. “I… I don’t know how I feel in return.”

“So that equates to you two making out?” Kuzuryuu dryly asked, “Not going to lie that’s dumb. If you two can’t sort your shit out it could end in a disaster.”

Hajime’s face burned at his words. Kuzuryuu was right… something almost humid filled his core and squirmed inside. The full weight of the kissing smothered him in shame with a sour tinge of guilt.

“So, he asked for a punishment.” Kuzuryuu continued to press, his voice neutral.

“I didn’t do it.” Hajime immediately answered, “I refused him. He told me it means I accept his feelings in return.”

Silence. Hajime twisted his hands into his pants, feeling the sweat soak up in the denim. Kuzuryuu was staring at the ground, closing his eye, before looking up at Hajime groaning, rubbing his hair.

“Let me get this straight, you two had an argument prior to this morning and then Komaeda wanted to apologize. Apologizing being code for punishing. You refused and then were accused of liking him even though you’re unsure as hell. So, in response to this uncertainty you two made out and gave each other hickeys.” Kuzuryuu summed up.

Each other…?

Kuzuryuu pointed to Hajime’s neck, “It’s not covered now.”

Oh god… Hajime curled his shoulders up and lowered his chin to his knees, pressing his palm against his neck. Of all the things…

“You two are fucking moronic.” Kuzuryuu groaned, “Seriously? Not certain how you feel, so you two start making out.”

“Komaeda could be just as confused.” Hajime pointed back, “He remembers things about Kamukura and…”

“And what?” Kuzuryuu cut him off, “What does Kamukura have to do with this?”

Hajime gaped, “Uh…”

“Does this have to do with the argument you had before this morning?” Kuzuryuu hit the nail on the head. “What did he say?”

“… he said… he likes Kamukura and me at the same time…” Hajime muttered, fidgeting a bit.

More silence. Kuzuryuu’s mouth was open a bit, before he punched Hajime semi-lightly on the shoulder, “That’s it? Are you hung up over the fact you can’t remember Komaeda’s time with Kamukura or what?”

Was that it? Hajime blinked and rubbed his shoulder. He had never considered asking Komaeda about it nor trying to sort through the cloud of disaster he called memories. Was it that simple? He wanted to remember what Komaeda did? And then what? Would that ease his uncertainty? Would knowing make everything clear and help him sort out what he felt towards Komaeda? Was that the answer?

“I… I’m not sure…” Hajime slowly said, “I’m not Kamukura… I don’t remember anything Kamukura did… but would it help?”

“Possibly?” Kuzuryuu sighed, “Look, I’m not… good at this sort of crap, but look at it like this. Komaeda is basing his actions off those memories. If you don’t remember it’s not fair of him to compare things now with how things were. That said, you can’t play the ignorance card all the fucking time.”

Hajime blinked. “But if I remember would that make Komaeda blur the lines between me and Kamukura? I’m not Kamukura…”

Kuzuryuu sighed and kicked the water harshly, in more of a flutterkick motion. The water splashed and rippled outward, disrupting the water, creating waves. Finally, he pulled his feet out and shook them, spraying water.

“One problem being a twin is people expect you to know everything, even if they told your twin.” Kuzuryuu suddenly said, “They say things like ‘but wait, I told your twin’ or ‘But you already knew that, I spoke to your twin’ and expect that’s enough of an explanation for shit.”

“Uh… okay?”

“In their defense, we were always together, especially when we were young. Usually we were in the same room when things were told, so trying to surprise us was difficult. It was hard to keep secrets too. Sometimes, the line blurred and I forgot Natsumi wasn’t in the room when something was told or said.” Kuzuryuu continued.

“But… at the same time… the expectation that Natsumi or I would inherently know shit simply by the fact we’re twins, was grating. It felt like we were a single entity and there was no distinction between us. We weren’t the same person, but sometimes it was easy to get wrapped in the idea we were. I think it’s one reason twins start to resent being labelled as twins.”

“Okay?” Hajime blinked.

Kuzuryuu looked at him and groaned, smacking Hajime’s shoulder once again, “For someone with a billion talents stuffed in his frickin’ head you’re being thick today.” He smiled fondly, “My point is, you and Kamukura are like twins.”

Hajime ran the sentence in his brain a few times. Like twins… was Kuzuryuu… “Oh… you’re making an analogy…” Hajime pointed out.

“You…” Kuzuryuu’s eyebrow twitched.

“I’m… sorry…” Hajime raised his hands, “So… you’re saying Kamukura and I are… alike yet not? This… is really simple…” Hajime marvelled.

“I’m beginning to wonder how you even survived the Program…” Kuzuryuu mumbled, smacking his face with his hands.

“Thanks, Fuyuhiko.” Hajime said, “I’ll do my best… but…”

Was that what Kamukura in his dream was getting at, that they were alike, yet not? Hajime frowned. His brain spiralled around the oxymoron. How could he just… accept Kamukura? Was it as easy as telling Kamukura he accepted him? Hajime’s stomach twisted. Accepting Kamukura and understanding Komaeda’s feelings… could Hajime do that? He bit his lip and curled his legs closer.

 “You’re already doing something about it.” Kuzuryuu cut him off, “I’m glad you didn’t punish him. Whatever crap Komaeda needs to get through I don’t think smacking him is going to help.”

Hajime uncurled his legs entirely, taking his socks off, and letting his feet fall into the pool beside Kuzuryuu’s. “You’re… right… but… it’s complex. It’s not the punishments… but rather the orders…”

“So, what? You want to control Komaeda?” Kuzuryuu asked, “You don’t want the sense of control to slip?”

“I…” Hajime started to idly rotate his feet in the water, “He hears Enoshima and has for a long time. It isn’t like you… he claims orders help him distract from her voice.”

Kuzuryuu kicked the water harder, “It sounds more like he’s shoving responsibility onto you rather than dealing with whatever is causing her voice to manifest in his mind.”

“Huh?” Hajime blinked, “I suppose…”

“Look, you do a shit ton for us already.” Kuzuryuu glared, “Instead of shoving his problems onto you, Komaeda should be asking for support. Not acting like a half assed child. Besides, we all got our own shit to deal with and this feels like he’s being selfish. Asking you to order him around and punish him is just another way he’s shoving responsibility onto you.”

Selfish… Hajime thought back to when he agreed to Komaeda’s request. His hesitancy… at the time Hajime couldn’t think of the words to say, to tell Komaeda he wouldn’t punish him. But how… Hajime’s stomach churned. He would have to find Komaeda and… tell him.

“And…” Kuzuryuu’s cheeks pinkened a bit, “If you want to sort out your feelings for him… having a… power imbalance isn’t going to help… you need to talk as equals…”

Hajime blinked. Was Kuzuryuu implying… not that it wasn’t subtle… He smiled and Kuzuryuu glanced away, grumbling under his breath. Standing up, Hajime grabbed his socks and shoes, “I’ll see you later Fuyuhiko. Thanks. For the advice.”

Kuzuryuu waved, cheeks still pink, “No problem. I’ll see you later.”

~

Owari and Sonia were dozing, Sonia trying to keep her eyes open, while Owari was asleep, her chest rising and falling in rhythm. Hajime opened the door softly and gave Sonia a wave. She leaned over to Owari and gently shook her shoulder. Owari spluttered a bit, her eyes opening slowly. She rolled her shoulders and tilted her head, looking at Hajime.

“Hey Hajiji.” She yawned.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to take so long.” Hajime said, “Thank you for looking after Tsumiki. Get some sleep.”

“Roger…” Owari stood up, wobbling a bit. Sonia had to stand up and catch her, grabbing her shoulder, pulling her closer.

“I…” Sonia bit her lip.

“Owari might fall asleep on the way back.” Hajime mused, “She can sleep in the on-call room. You can too Sonia, if you want.”

She shook her head, “I’m fine, but Owari might…” Sonia nudged her, “Come along Owari…”

They hobbled out of the room. Hajime turned to Tsumiki, who was still dozing. Cleaning up the room a bit, Hajime threw out some garbage and straightened out the blankets. Tsumiki would be hungry when she woke.

Stepping out of the room, Hajime headed to the kitchen. His stomach growled in response and Hajime busied himself with cooking something simple. Cracking some eggs, Hajime made an omelette. As he ate, he washed some rice and set the rice cooker on. Eating in record time, Hajime washed his dishes and started to make a simple beef stew. The prep work took little time and making sure to set the stove on a low temperature, Hajime washed his hands and went back to Tsumiki’s room.

She was awake, running a comb through her hair. Hajime waved and sat down. “Good morning Tsumiki.”

“Good m-morning Hinata.” She said back.

“I just put on a beef stew.” Hajime told her, “It will take a bit, but why don’t we move to the kitchen?”

“Okay.” Tsumiki agreed.

She walked to the kitchen by herself, though Hajime had to help her out of the bed and support her along the way. He smiled at her strength. He’d have to make her a cane later. For now, he didn’t mind helping Tsumiki around. After she sat down, Hajime put the kettle on and flopped into the other chair.

“T-thank you H-Hinata.” Tsumiki said.

“No problem.” Hajime sat up, “We’ll do our usual tests and physio, but anything else afterwards you’d like to do?”

Tsumiki bit her lip, “Um… going to the roof was nice.”

“We can do that again.” Hajime agreed.

“A-and…” Tsumiki looked down, “I-I was w-wondering…”

“Yes?” Hajime prompted kindly.

“W-would you t-tell me m-more about the… Trials?”

The trials. Oh. The next trial was… Hajime blanched a bit. The third. Her trial. Swallowing silently Hajime looked at her. Tsumiki had the right to know. Keeping the trials a secret wasn’t good, but how would she react? So far, it was good. She hadn’t shown signs of Despair, but learning about her trial could tip her.

“I-I u-understand if you d-don’t want to…” Tsumiki curled her hands into the robe, “F-forgive me f-for asking…”

“No, no,” Hajime immediately stood up, “You have the right to know… just… I should let… everyone know that we’ll do it.”

“O-Oh… okay…” Tsumiki deflated a bit.

Hajime rubbed his head, holding a groan back. First Komaeda and Kamukura… now this… truly this week was going to be a long one. As if agreeing with him, the kettle started to lightly whistle in the background.

~

Nagito stumbled away from the fifth island. Time had passed. He wasn’t sure how long he had stayed in the warehouse, unable to move, but Nagito forced himself up and out, touring the rest of the island. Nothing really stood out, though the food stalls with various festival foods was appealing. Shame it couldn’t magically make the food though. Leaving the vendor’s area, Nagito began his journey back to the main island. He was off the bridge and nearly to the fourth island’s bridge when Souda ran up to him, wheezing as he stopped, hands on his knees, bent over.

“T-There you are.” Souda gasped as he tried to stand up.

“Hello?” Nagito raised his eyebrows, “Do you need me?”

“Yes.” Souda wheezed, “Hajime wants to talk to us all. Now.”

Hinata… wanted to talk to him? Well, it was the entire group, but he didn’t mind. Nagito smiled, “Okay. Where?”

“At the hospital.” Souda told him, managing to stand half upright as he turned around to walk back.

Nagito followed him, “Did Hinata say what he wanted to talk to us about?”

Souda nodded, “Something about Tsumiki.”

Tsumiki. Nagito bit his lip. Did Tsumiki… do something? Did she slip into Despair? His hands curled into balls. Nagito felt his nails dig into his right hand.

 _“See? I told you Tsumiki was lying.”_ Enoshima’s voice echoed softly.

No… Nagito breathed through his nose. It was too early to make accusations. Either way, he’d find out soon. They walked briskly to the hospital, Souda regaining his breath enough to stand up straight. Entering, they walked to the kitchen. Kuzuryuu and Sonia were there, but no Owari. Nagito sat down along with Souda, who sat beside Kuzuryuu. Hinata was beside Sonia.

“Where’s Owari?” Souda asked.

“I’m here…” Owari walked in, yawning. She plopped down beside him.

“Sorry for waking you.” Hajime said before looking at everyone, “I… I wanted to let you know… nothing bad has happened, but… Tsumiki and I are going through the trials and… I’m going to go over the third trial with her tomorrow.”

The news was so mundane that Nagito almost scoffed, except his heart leapt and stopped. Was this what everyone felt like when Hinata went over the fifth trial with him? But this was different. Nagito had hurt himself and targeted the traitor indirectly. Tsumiki had murdered two people in cold blood.

“Okay.” Sonia frowned, “I suppose it’s only right.”

“She’s been stable.” Hinata said, “I think… it will be fine. Either way we can’t keep her in the dark forever.” Hinata side glanced at him, “She could remember on her own too.”

“Are you sure?” Kuzuryuu frowned, “I mean… as long as you think she’ll handle it…”

“I’m hoping.” Hinata sighed, “I just… want to be safe. In case… something goes wrong… either during the Trial debriefing or… afterwards…”

Souda nodded, “We’ll be careful.”

“We always are.” Kuzuryuu added, “Telling her could do nothing and something could happen weeks later.”

“Good.” Hinata sighed, “Then… sorry for being so short… that’s all I wanted to say.”

Just a warning? Nagito supposed it was better than bad news. Everyone got up, Owari hobbling immediately out the door, probably back to sleep judging from her yawning. Hinata, however, lingered in the kitchen and it caused Nagito to pause. Was he waiting for something? Shrugging Nagito filed it away and was about to leave, but suddenly Hinata stopped him.

“Wait. Komaeda… we need to talk.”

Nagito whipped around, “Yes sir?”

Hinata’s shoulders tensed up and he looked down, “Yeah… please… sit down.”

_“Oh… here it comes… he’s going to tell you to leave him alone… rejection at it’s finest!”_

That… wasn’t going to happen… was it? Nagito suddenly wished he didn’t spend his morning in the fifth island and instead came up with a plan to get Hinata to punish him… to realize he needed it… no… he couldn’t do that… Nagito felt the room spin a bit and he gulped a large bit of air.

“I’ve been thinking.” Hinata slowly started. “You’re… right…”

Right? Nagito let out a large gush of air and felt the room stand still for a second. “I am? About what sir?”

Hinata pinched the bridge of his nose, “I… need to accept… some aspects of myself… but… it will take a while, but…” Hinata looked him in the eyes, “I’m not going to punish you anymore or order you around. You want me to… consider your feelings and… I can’t do that when I’m ordering you around.”

Nagito was wrong. The room was spiralling out of control. Enoshima was laughing in his mind, practically rolling on the floor, crying as she laughed. This… Hinata didn’t mean… the balance, the one he thought he had was shattering, the rope fraying at the ends… Nagito wanted to shut his eyes, but if he did he’d see the damage, but he didn’t want to look at Hinata.

Suddenly he felt Hinata’s hands on his own, touching both his real and metal one. “…Nagito…” Hinata gently used his first name, “I’m not saying I won’t be here for you. I’m saying… I don’t think ordering and punishing you is the right way I can help you.”

 _“He’s just saying that.”_ Enoshima whispered sharply, _“He’s trying to get away… leave you…”_

Who should he listen to? Enoshima or Hinata? It was tearing his mind, his heart. Nagito thickly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut. The room didn’t stop spinning from under him. He wished it would stop.

“Komaeda?” Hinata rubbed his right hand.

 _“See? He doesn’t want you.”_ Enoshima continued, _“He’s rejecting you… doesn’t want you.”_

“You…” Nagito gasped out, “You… please… you can’t…”

“Komaeda? What’s wrong? Please… tell me.”

_“Wow… he says he won’t order you around or punish you, but he thinks he can just ask you what’s wrong…”_

“None… of your business…” Nagito gasped out, feeling his heart ache at Enoshima’s words, at the truth.

“Komaeda… I want to help you. I’ve always wanted to help you.” Hinata told him, “Please.”

 _“Aw he’s staying for you because of little old me?”_ Enoshima gasped, _“What would happen if I just left you now? Disappeared forever? He’d leave you for sure.”_

Leave him. Nagito felt like his mind was crumbling, the rope, swaying in the wind that buffed him at all sides. No… she was wrong… she had to be wrong… right? Right? He wanted something, anything, a lifeline from Hinata to help him stay balanced, but there was only Enoshima’s words.

“Is it Enoshima? She’s lying to you.” Hinata said, “She’s playing on your fears Komaeda.”

 _“Unless of course… you change his mind…”_ Enoshima slyly said, _“Show him you’re right; that you need to be punished and ordered around. I’m sure you can get creative… say… maybe you should pay Tsumiki a visit.”_

Tsumiki… Nagito felt his breathing shallow out, the wind slowing down a bit. That… was it… she was still lying about being fine… Hinata couldn’t see it… and… even if Tsumiki did nothing, if he went after her…

The wind stopped and Nagito felt his mind slowly regain balance, wobbly, but he was still on the rope. Yes… Hinata just needed to be persuaded.

“Komaeda, please, talk to me.”

Nagito ripped his hands out of Hinata’s grasp and opened his eyes, looking at him, “Is that an order? No wait, you’re not ordering me around anymore.” He stood up, “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

Hinata stared at him for a moment before sighing, “You’re… right… I won’t make you tell me. How… are you feeling?”

“Fine.” Nagito clipped, “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” He stood up.

“You’re pale and shaking.” Hinata reached for him.

Nagito slapped his hands away, feeling a tinge of satisfaction when Hinata winced, “I’m fine. And don’t worry… I won’t do anything to myself. I didn’t hear Enoshima.” He lied.

For a moment Nagito was sure Hinata would call him out. Instead Hinata nodded, “Okay… I’ll trust you… and, I am here for you.”

“Right.” Nagito snapped back, “Only in a way that’s convenient for you.”

Hinata flinched and something hardened in his eyes, “I’m taking your advice and I’m sorting things out for myself. It’s what you accused me of not doing.”

Something warm filled Nagito and he glared, “And you told me you’d do what I asked, what was helping me. Now you’re just leaving me alone because you suddenly changed your mind. You’re a liar Hinata.”

“A…” Hinata stepped forward, “What did punishing do exactly? Give you excuses to do or say things? It doesn’t matter what you think or say… because I’d always be there to scold you?”

_“See? He doesn’t want you… doesn’t want to support you.”_

Nagito felt like a nail was being hammered into his hands, driving through nail and tissue, bit by bit. Hinata’s words… Enoshima’s words… they were colliding inside of him, creating sparks that stung and burned him.

“Komaeda… I’m just… I’m trying to make things right…” Hinata continued to step forward, until he could feel Hinata’s body heat, “I’m trying my best…”

 _“Yeah, his best is leaving you without help…”_ Enoshima sighed, _“Better show him how wrong he is…”_

Breathing hurt, but Nagito forced air into his lungs and closed his eyes. Arguing with Hinata wasn’t going to help in this situation… though his tongue burned with words. No, if he wanted Hinata to listen to him, he’d have to show him with actions. Hinata would see… would see that he was wrong, that he needed to be punished.

“Right… sorry sir.” Nagito let his brain fly on autopilot.

Hinata’s mouth opened, and closed a bit before he sighed, “Also… no need to call me… sir.”

Nagito exhaled. Was Hinata taking away all previous orders too? “Does this mean you don’t want me to listen to your previous orders too?”

“I… I want to see you, but you’re not obligated to.” Hinata slowly said, “You’re free to choose, but I do want to see you.”

It was supposed to make him feel better, but all Nagito could feel was the extra rope given to him. Sooner or later he’d hang himself if Hinata kept this up. He had to change Hinata’s mind and fast.

“Right… okay… then… excuse me…” Nagito mumbled, feeling like his brain was floating away from his body.

Hinata reached out to him, but his hand fell, fingers closing around air. Nagito didn’t look back at him as he walked out of the kitchen.

~

That… could have gone better…

Hajime flopped into the kitchen chair. He should get up and go back to Tsumiki, but everything swirled and coiled in loops and knots, tangling, untangling, rolling into a ball. A small part of him wanted to trail after Komaeda, but he couldn’t. Freedom shouldn’t be monitored. That would be hypocritical of him. His plan to fix everything felt like he had started by throwing a vase onto the ground and cracking it into a thousand different pieces. Nothing good could come out of it. Sitting and moping about it wasn’t going to help. Hajime had to focus, worry about Tsumiki. He had to return to her, stand up and walk out of the kitchen.

Instead Hajime lay his head on the table and closed his eyes. All his energy was wasted on talking to Komaeda and now, immobility felt like the best option. His heart ached and wished he could ask someone else to see Tsumiki, but everyone was gone. It was all up to him. He had to be responsible. Groaning Hajime stood up and felt the room spin a bit, a fuzzy film over his mind. Walking slowly, he exited the kitchen and returned to Tsumiki’s room.

~

_He was in a classroom. There was a stillness to the air, time suspended in an amber light and onyx shadows. Languidly, Hajime lifted his head, tried to sit up. His motions jerked into place, losing the progression of movement. Everything flowed in angles, sharp, neat. One moment Hajime was sitting and the next he was standing. Carefully Hajime passed the empty desks, idly watching dust dance in the light, and opened the door, pushing it silently._

_No one was in the hall, but it too was bathed in the amber and onyx. Hajime walked and walked. There was no time, not sense of passage. Light, sound, none of it existed to benchmark events. Hajime passed by classrooms, rooms, stairwells, all of it, until he reached a set of doors._

_The courtyard in comparison was bright with vivid greens, and beige yellows. A breeze picked up and lightly blew the leaves and flowers. Tulips, pink, white, yellow, and red danced with the wind, all planted neatly in their flower beds._

_In the middle of the courtyard was a small figure on the grass, hunched over with shoulders shaking. Hajime walked towards them. As he got closer he noted short brown hair and a small voice whimpering along with the crying. Gently Hajime touched the shoulders and knelt._

_“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked._

_The figure turned. Hajime froze. It was him, young, with rounded cheeks still showing signs of baby fat, big wet eyes, and tiny pudgy hands trying to rub his tears away. Hajime wanted to step back, but was frozen on the spot._

_“M-mister?” His younger self asked, “I-I’m… I’m lost… where are my mama and papa?”_

_His… parents? Hajime breathed shakily, “I… I don’t know.”_

_“P-Please…” Small hands wrapped around Hajime’s hand, wet and sticky with tears, “H-help me…”_

_Hajime curled his hand around the smaller hands and suddenly they were standing, his younger self clinging to his hand like it was a lifeline. Words were caught in Hajime’s mind. What was happening? Where was Kamukura? What should he do?_

_“I-I last s-saw them… there…” The free hand pointed to the other entrance to the school, “P-Please… help me…”_

_“Okay.” Hajime found himself saying and walking, “I’ll help.”_

_“Thank you.”_

~

 _“Moping around isn’t going to help.”_ Enoshima supplied.

Nagito paced around his room, rubbing his head. “I know…”

 _“Hinata really gave it to you…”_ Enoshima giggled, _“But you’ll do something to show him he was wrong, yes?”_

Right. Nagito exhaled. This was just a minor hiccup in his recovery. He wanted to curse and shove Enoshima away, but this was something he deserved. It was the unlucky loop before the lucky one. If hearing Enoshima would ensure a bout of good luck, Nagito would take it.

 _“See? I knew deep down you didn’t want to get rid of me.”_ Enoshima cheered, _“I feel so special!”_

“Special? I just want you gone.” Nagito muttered.

 _“Me? Gone?”_ Enoshima snorted, _“Without me you wouldn’t have a single reason to see Hinata. Or for him to give a crap about you. It’s like that fable with the scorpion and frog. You’ve heard that story, yes? Even if you don’t want me, we’re together for the journey.”_

“Doesn’t that end with both drowning?” Nagito muttered.

 _“Because it was the scorpion’s nature.”_ Enoshima calmly replied, _“I’m not at fault for anything. You’re the one who’s at fault. You want me because you hope, if I do drag you down, Hinata will rescue you.”_

That… wasn’t it… Nagito wasn’t actively asking for Enoshima to be inside his brain…

_“Say, I’ve always wondered what would have happened if something rescued the frog? What if the frog was the bad one in the fable? What if the only reason the frog carried the scorpion was because it wanted something to go wrong so something would save it?”_

_“What if,”_ Enoshima’s voice darkly rang, _“It was just a pathetic cry for attention? The desire to be a damsel in distress? I suppose in this case, that’s you.”_ She laughed.

“No… you’re wrong…”

 _“Eh? Whatever.”_ Enoshima immediately stopped laughing, _“I don’t care either way. I’m here and if that gives you an excuse to have Hinata with you, I could care less. Good luck lover boy.”_

She faded into his mind, leaving smoldering rubble, and destroyed buildings in her wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fifth Island: I never planned on Komaeda visiting the fifth island or the warehouse but I had a lot of fun writing the scene.
> 
> Kuzuryuu's counselling: AKA calling Hajime out on BS.
> 
> Flutterkick: The kick used in frontcrawl (or freestyle) and backcrawl. It's the one where you point your toes and kick with your whole leg, not bending your knees a lot.
> 
> Twins: Speaking from experience here, though our problem comes from being fraternal. Because my sister and I don't "look like" twins, sometimes when people learn we are twins their reaction is "Well, if you are twins then you two know everything the other knows, right?" as though that's the criteria twins must meet.
> 
> Fuyuhiko and Natsumi: Okay, I've read conflicting information, so just to clarify I went to the Danganronpa wiki and SDR2's report card for Fuyuhiko, and their birthdays in canon are different. (Fuyuhiko is August 16 and Natsumi is March 27). Meaning this head canon to them being twins is just my head canon.
> 
> Breaking the vase: Well Hinata, something good -could- come out of breaking a vase... if your name is Haruhi and the vase belonged to a Host Club...
> 
> Scorpion and the Frog: An animal fable (meaning a tale with animals teaching a moral lesson) and one that has nothing to do with what Enoshima is saying here XD. The entire fable has themes of things like animal nature and how some things can't change no matter what. If you're interested I recommend reading it.


	11. The Difference Between Jealousy and Envy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY.
> 
> I know I don't have a schedule of updates, but I honestly wanted to update sooner. However this last weekend, when I was determined to write, I ended up with a cold. I rarely get sick and I was so upset. It completely ruined my plans to write. However, I ended up with short days at work this week, so I suppose there was a trade off and I managed to write more this week than I usually do.
> 
> As I was struggling to write, Liarde sent me a song. I don't like listening to music as I write, but the song fit so well that I played it a few times as I wrote this chapter. (It's My Demons by Starset if anyone is curious.) 
> 
> For this chapter, I had to research a bit, and either I'm the world's worse researcher, or no one wants to tell me the information I was looking for. I decided to keep all scenes with treatment light, as I'm still not 100% sure what to do (and given it's situational, I suppose that makes sense).
> 
> Still, a DISCLAIMER is in order. There is a brief scene of Nagito attempting to strangle Tsumiki (manually, AKA with his hands). I didn't get graphic, but I do want people to tread carefully. I'll also update my tags appropriately.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading, leaving kudos and comments, and bookmarks. It makes me so happy! I cannot thank you all enough.

The file felt heavy in Hajime’s hands, warm, smoldering. He looked down, staring at the black file. There were no markings outside of the file, no notes or labels. Gripping it tighter, Hajime saw the white paper, the paperclip. He held it to his side and exhaled. They had eaten, check ups complete, and physio out of the way. There were no other excuses, no more stalling.

Tsumiki was not in the bed, rather she was sitting at the small table, propped up by a pillow. Taking the seat across from her, Hajime set the file down and looked at Tsumiki. She was twisting her hands in her robe, but there was a settled look in her eyes.

“Let’s start, shall we?” Hajime carefully opened the file, “This is Trial Three.”

“O-Okay.” Tsumiki stammered softly.

Setting the paper on the table, Hajime gently pushed it to her, let her see the writing. Tsumiki gingerly picked the paper up, staring at Hajime began to talk, weaving the tale carefully, watching her expression. He didn’t need the file to aid him; he knew the events with ease. As he spoke, Tsumiki turned the papers, looking at the rest. Hajime nearly stumbled with his words when she got to the pictures. Her hands tightened to the point of seeing bone sticking through, white and marble. Some point in the explanation, Hajime’s voice gradually got softer, until he was practically whispering as he finished the trial’s explanation. Silence settled in the room, sticky and heavy like the heat from a dry sauna. Tsumiki’s crinkling of the papers smoothly cut in the silence, nicking it shallowly.

“T-Thank you, H-Hinata.” She set the file down.

“No problem.” Hajime’s voice was steady. “How are you feeling?”

“I-I…” Tsumiki shut her eyes, gasping, “I-I’m n-not… I… k-killed them…” Her voice wheezed up, like she was forcing it through a tube, “I-I…” She squeezed her hands together. “I-I’m a m-monster…”

Hajime leaned over the table and set his hands gently on hers, “You’re not a monster Tsumiki.”

“B-But… I-I…” She bent over, body shaking, tears falling down her face, dripping onto their hands. “I-I… k-killed M-Mioda… a-and… S-Saionji…”

Standing up, Hajime moved his chair closer to her and sat down, rubbing her shoulders. Tsumiki turned and latched herself onto him, crying into his chest. Hajime immediately wrapped his arms around her.

“We’ll get better.” He whispered into her hair, “We aren’t broken, we’re healing Tsumiki. I know… it’s hard… but we got each other.”

Tsumiki clutched him tighter, sinking into him more. Hajime steadied themselves, continually stroking her hair, letting her cry. A small voice in his mind analyzed the situation, trying to see if Tsumiki was spiralling downward, but Hajime shoved that to the side. As long as she wasn’t in Despair he wouldn’t doubt her. He had to instead, believe in her.

“It’s okay I got you Tsumiki.” Hajime softly told her.

They stayed together, even as Tsumiki began to quiet, her crying stopping.

~

The sun had barely risen, painting the sky pastels when Nagito stepped into the hospital, slipping in through the front door. There was a stillness to the hospital, one warm, but sterile. Nagito clutched his jacket, pulling the olive cloth around his frame. It should be too warm for him to wear the jacket, but all he could feel was a shiver down his spine, consistent and pulsing in his core. It left him shaking, not able to chase the chill from his skin, from his body. Their argument, the one in the kitchen, ran in his brain. Hinata’s claim of helping felt like a mirage, wavering forever out of his sight with taunts of an oasis.

 _“You’re an emotional wreck.”_ Enoshima unhelpfully stated.

Her truth buried into the cold, an icicle dagger to his side. Nagito exhaled, almost expecting to see chill clinging to his breath. His body racked with shivers, but he pushed onward. He had no plan, nothing solidified. No doubt Hinata was still present, staying the night. It would do him no good if he went into the situation with no plan.

_“Plan? You planned meticulously for your death in the Program and even then, you screwed up.”_

“Go away.” Nagito half whispered half spoke.

 _“Whatever.”_ Enoshima faded into his mind.

Walking down the sunlit hall, Nagito followed the familiar path to Tsumiki’s room. There was no noise in the kitchen, so the room was the best place to start. Not that they could be many other places.

 _“Unless they’re in the bath.”_ Enoshima reappeared.

There was a creaking of metal and another violent shiver in Nagito’s body. Of course, that was a possibility. Hinata had also taken him to the bath, but nothing happened. And, when Nagito got better Hinata merely waited outside, there for more security if something went wrong. Surely with Tsumiki he’d be more careful… more delicate with… that.

 _“You never know.”_ Enoshima unhelpfully supplied, _“I mean you should have seen Tsumiki with Mitarai… oh forgive me you don’t know him.”_ She cackled.

Her words were blocked. The implication ran rampant in his brain, melting everything. Nagito felt the sting of his nails against his right hand, pulling his thoughts away. No… even if Tsumiki… made advances… Hinata wouldn’t let her…

 _“Like he stopped you from kissing the ever-loving lights out of him.”_ Enoshima sighed.

“I thought I told you to go away.” Nagito snapped.

 _“Don’t be like that.”_ Enoshima admonished, _“Jealousy is a special kind of Despair. Oh, no, wait, jealousy implies Hinata is already yours. I mean envy.”_ She sweetly corrected.

Another icicle stabbed his side. Nagito gasped and growled lowly, “I said… go away.”

_“Fine, fine…”_

Leaning against the wall, Nagito felt a few violent shivers rip through his body. No, he couldn’t let Enoshima get to him. She just wanted him to feel Despair. Steadying himself, Nagito tried to stop the swaying in his mind, stop the tight rope from wobbling. Giving himself a long few seconds, Nagito continued to the room, silently opening the door and stepping in.

The scene made all his efforts break, shatter into a thousand pieces, dust in the wind. Enoshima was wheezing in his mind, not helping the pounding, the twisting in his heart. Icicles, sharp and cold buried through him, staking his organs into a bloody mess.

Tsumiki stirred, raising her head from Hinata’s chest. There was an uncomfortable looking twist in her back as she sat up from the chair. Nagito hoped she was uncomfortable. Tears were stained on her cheeks, and as she lifted her head, Nagito saw a wet patch on Hinata’s shirt.

She wiggled a bit and Nagito saw how Hinata’s arms were around her. They… fell asleep like that… her in his arms… Nagito wanted to run up to Tsumiki and smack her, feel her crumple under his metal hand. He wanted to feel her skin give, smell the iron in her blood… he hissed.

Tsumiki looked at him, her head cocked a bit. Nagito stared back. Her eyes were glassy, smooth like the darkest of marbles. She twitched, her mouth pulling into an almost smile, barely neutral. Nagito’s bloodlust took the back burner for a moment. Was she… in Despair? He was too far away to see if her eyes were swirling with madness, but if she was, and close to a sleeping Hinata…

 _“Hit her.”_ Enoshima’s voice ghosted, _“Even if you’re wrong… you want to hit her… she’s on your Hinata, isn’t she?”_

Nagito’s body locked, caught in limbo. His hand twitched, echoing Enoshima’s words to him. His mouth fumbled, sounds softly escaping his lips, registering barely to his ears. Should he hit her? Or at least knock her off Hinata? If she was in Despair...

Tsumiki leaned closer to Hajime, her eyes still glassy and blank. Her hands coming close to his neck. Suddenly Nagito’s brain flashed the file notes about her murders. How she had strangled Mioda to death with rope… how she slit Saionji’s throat…

He barely registered his body moving. One moment he was standing watching and the next, Nagito was at her side, hands on her shoulders, shoving her with all his strength. Having a metal arm helped and Nagito hear a loud thump as Tsumiki toppled, half hitting the foot of the bed with her entire right side. She let out a strangled gasp and scream as she crumpled to the floor.

Hinata immediately woke, eyes flashing open as he rapidly took the situation in. Nagito stood there, hands still outstretched. He could feel the warmth from Tsumiki and the force he used to push her away. It lingered in his muscles, giving an almost warm tingle to combat the cold.

“Tsumiki!” Hinata immediately went to her side, helping her up.

Nagito felt the warmth sap away a bit and he lowered his hands.

“Komaeda!” Hinata turned to him, “Why did you push Tsumiki?”

His tone came out flat, but his eyes were hard. Nagito almost folded his arms over his chest, but instead he lowered his arms until they were firmly at his sides.

“She was looming over you.” He immediately responded. “Her eyes were glassy. I… panicked.” Nagito added.

Hinata’s eyes softened a bit before he turned to Tsumiki, “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“I-I’m… o-okay. J-just startled…”

“You’re not injured?”

“N-No…”

Pulling her up gently, Hinata helped her back into the chair, eyes darting over her body, no doubt trying to see if she was lying. Satisfied after a minute, Hinata finally turned back to him, expression neutral.

“We’re talking privately. Now.”

 _“Oh… going to be scolded?”_ Enoshima crooned, _“I can’t believe it was this easy… maybe you don’t need to plan anything too drastic?”_

Nagito followed Hinata out of the room, down the hall, into a room Nagito hadn’t been in before. It was clearly an office space, with a small desk and chairs. Hinata didn’t sit down, so Nagito followed, shutting the door for them.

“You said her eyes were glassy.” Hinata stated dully.

“I… yes, they were.” Nagito replied, “She was looming over you.”

“So, you panicked.” Hinata finished.

“Yes, I did.” Nagito admitted easily, “I just… I thought of the trials and…”

 _“Yeah and how envious you were of her snuggling up to your Hinata~”_ Enoshima added, _“Hey, you’re in an office and bonus, there is a desk… many people have kinks about this, you know…?”_

Nagito bit his lip and tried to shove that thought away. Hinata said he was sorting things out… he couldn’t jump him… Nagito’s lips tingled as if to mock and tempt him.

“You…” Hinata rubbed his head, “I… understand your heart is in the right place. You just… can’t doubt Tsumiki. We need to support her and believe in her. So, while I know you felt like you were doing the right thing, I still want you to apologize to her.”

Apologize? Nagito felt his face flush. This was the second time Hinata had requested he apologize to someone. The incident with Souda felt had been a distant memory, but now that he was in the same situation, it rushed back at him.

 _“It’s technically not an order…”_ Enoshima hummed.

“Do I… have to?” Nagito found himself saying, almost parroting Enoshima’s words.

Hinata’s eyebrow twitched, “You… don’t have to… but it’s expected.” His voice was soft, like he was explaining to a child.

 _“Wow, it’s a scolding… but mild…”_ Enoshima sighed, _“Better luck next time. You’ll have to try harder. Actually, have a plan when you go after Tsumiki…”_

Nagito swallowed harshly. Right… he had to expose Tsumiki… that was his original plan. He had to behave, not give Hinata a reason to distrust him.

 _“You just want an outlet for your envy.”_ Enoshima sweetly laughed.

“Fine, I’ll apologize.” Nagito said, voice steady.

“Thank you.” Hinata said.

Hinata walked out of the room and glanced at him, gaze steady. Nagito tried to not raise an eyebrow. Apparently… he had to apologize immediately. Holding back a sigh, Nagito followed. It was best to get it over with. What would he say to her? Was a simple apology good enough, or did Hinata expect something more?

 _“Sorry I pushed you, but you’re such a faker so you deserve it.”_ Enoshima supplied.

Would she ever shut up? Nagito focused. Sorry was good, but he would have to supply more than just that. Apologizing for his actions was also good. Should he also apologize for panicking, for thinking about her Trial? No… that would make him sound paranoid. Simple. He could do this.

 _“Oh, fine, don’t pick my apology.”_ Enoshima pouted.

Entering the hospital room, Nagito easily shut her away. Even if Hinata didn’t explicitly make him do this, it was something expected of him. He could do this.

“Tsumiki.” Nagito walked ahead of Hinata, but stopped a few steps away from the table, “I’m sorry for pushing you. I hope you can forgive me?” Not that he wanted her forgiveness, but it was a good touch.

Tsumiki looked up at him, her gaze surprisingly steady. Nagito didn’t move and waited. He had done what Hinata asked him to do. That should be enough.

“I-I accept…” She muttered, “T-Thank you, K-Komaeda.”

“Good.” There. Done.

“So,” Hinata stepped forward and gently placed a hand on Nagito’s shoulder, “Why did you come here so early?”

Suddenly apologizing and hearing Enoshima felt minor. Hinata’s warmth seeped into him quickly, flooding his body and defrosting everything. Nagito felt his mouth curl into a small smile before the question hit his brain. He couldn’t tell Hinata he was looking for a chance to expose Tsumiki.

“I… wanted to see if you wanted any help.” Nagito found himself saying.

“Help?” Hajime lightly repeated, “That’s… thanks Komaeda. I could use some help in the kitchen.”

The kitchen. They always ended up there together. “Sure.”

~

Leaving Tsumiki for a moment, Hajime walked with Komaeda to the kitchen, trying to keep his heart from pounding out of his chest. Twenty-four hours hadn’t even passed since their argument, yet Komaeda had come to the hospital, out of free will, with the intent to help him. It felt surreal, as much as it pained Hajime to admit it. He had expected a couple of days of Komaeda avoiding him, maybe only giving clipped responses should they run into each other, but it seemed his fear was minor. Komaeda even hummed as they walked, almost floating into the kitchen.

“What are we making?” He asked as he went to the counter.

“I think crepes.” Hajime replied, “I’m getting sick of rice in the morning. I feel like changing it up.”

“I’ve never made crepes from scratch.” Komaeda suddenly said, a bit of pink dusting his cheeks, “I… don’t usually eat sweet stuff for breakfast…”

Hajime felt his heart constrict for a moment. The sun from the windows was falling into the room, making everything softer. Combined with the flush of Komaeda’s cheeks and… it was cute. The moment Hajime thought it he froze. Cute… Komaeda… what was he thinking? Sure, Komaeda held a certain… charm… when he wasn’t pushing weird agendas.

“Hinata?”

“I… sorry that’s fine.” Hajime tucked his thoughts away, “It’s really easy to make crepes. Here, let’s set up…”

Komaeda was at his side, helping him. Hajime started to grab bowls, handing measuring cups and spoons to Komaeda, as well as an immersion blender. Komaeda raised an eyebrow and Hajime laughed.

“The smoother the batter, the better the crepes.” Hajime explained before he handed the flour and sugar to Komaeda, “Take these over to the counter.”

“Got it.” Komaeda balanced the containers with ease.

Hajime grabbed the rest of the ingredients, making sure to quickly melt the butter and warm the milk up, before taking everything to the counter.

“Okay, show me how to make these.” Komaeda stared at the counter, poking the flour container.

“It’s easy.” Hajime repeated. “First, let’s sift the dry ingredients…”

The recipe flowed in his mind. Hajime recited the measurements and as Komaeda worked on the flour and sugar, Hajime began to add the other things, not using any measuring cups or spoons. Komaeda shot a smile and elbowed him.

“Show off.”

“I can’t turn it off.” Hajime protested. “Here,” He handed Komaeda a wooden spoon, “You’ll need to stir until the batter is smooth.”

“Okay…” Komaeda began to stir, mixing everything together.

Hajime plugged the griddle on and slowly turned the heat, waiting for it to warm up. The then put out some plates and a ladle as Komaeda stirred. Humming, Hajime walked over and glanced over Komaeda’s shoulder.

“Looks good.” Hajime leaned over him and gently pried the spoon from Komaeda’s hand, giving the batter a couple swirls, “Yeah… it’s ready. Thank you.”

“You’re… welcome.” Komaeda replied, stepping away, face down, “We just need to cook this?”

“Not quite yet.” Hajime shook his head, “We’ll need to let this sit in the fridge.”

“We will?” Komaeda poked the bowl, “How long?”

“Two hours.” Hajime promptly replied.

Komaeda glanced up, eyes wide, “Two hours? Seriously?”

“Yes, I am.” Hajime laughed, “We can chop the fruit and make the filling as we wait.” He picked the bowl up and put it into the fridge. “Here, take these.”

Hajime handed Komaeda some strawberries and oranges. “Anything else you want?” Hajime asked.

“No… I’m good.” Komaeda set the fruit down, “We’re just chopping these up… it’s not going to take two hours.”

“That’s fine, we can sit and talk too.” Hajime shrugged, “Tsumiki can join us too. She needs to get out of her room more.”

For a second, Komaeda froze, but he nodded a flash later. Hajime bit his lip. He hadn’t seen Komaeda and Tsumiki, just the two of them, alone. It made his heart twist a bit. Not that he could force Komaeda to do something he didn’t want. Hajime snorted. That wasn’t the point of his recovery… Hajime curled his hands into balls. No, he wasn’t going to think about their previous argument. Or rather, Komaeda still thinking he needed to be punished to be well.

“Hinata?” Komaeda asked, “You want to cut the strawberries up?”

“Right, sorry.” Hajime nodded, walking over.

Should he say something? Hajime looked away, giving himself a moment. It was nice, being with Komaeda, no arguing, no expectations, except to enjoy each other’s company. Being alone with him so soon after their argument was a surprise, one Hajime almost expected to shatter under his feet. Komaeda, as usual, showed nothing. It was how he was: complex, frustrating, never a single way. He confused Hajime as much as made him happy, and the twisting of polar ideas made sorting everything out just a bit harder.

“You’ve been staring at the strawberries for a good two minutes.” Komaeda informed him, “Are you feeling all right?”

Jolting back to reality, Hajime nodded, “Sorry, sorry, I was just…” He reached for the container before pausing, “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Komaeda immediately hummed.

“Thanks for helping me.” Hajime elaborated, picking the container up and dumping the strawberries onto the cutting board, “We just…”

“Aren’t going to have any fruit if we don’t start.” Komaeda hinted.

“Uh yes…” Hajime began to cut the tops off, “I just… I’m glad you’re not mad at me.”

“Mad at you?” Komaeda parroted, “I’m not mad at you Hinata.” His voice was light, warm, like he was stating how the weather was, “We all got things to deal with in our own ways.” He added.

“Thanks.” Hajime pushed the strawberry tops to the corner of the cutting board, “It… means a lot to me.”

Komaeda smiled, radiating and making the room glow. For the second time, Hajime found his face glowing as Komaeda looked… cute. The admission made his cheeks burn hotter and his stomach do an eloquent backflip.

~

Nagito lay in his bed, the blankets tangling around his legs. The sun had set and everything was cool, with a layer of humidity that they could never fully get rid of. Turning he opened his eyes and stared at his door.

Staying in the hospital and helping Hinata make crepes was not what he had planned. He could have hung around, waited for Hinata to leave before he went to see Tsumiki, but instead… he had spent time with Hinata… hadn’t thought about a plan… it was pathetic. The warmth he had felt making crepes swirled in his brain. It too was a mirage, but the memory felt almost tangible. He was at the outskirts of the oasis, afraid to breach the invisible barrier. It called him, tempted him inward. Nagito wanted to move, but all he could feel was the stickiness of Enoshima beside him.

She was a parasite, burrowing into his body, sucking life and energy from his body. She was breaking him down, slowly using him until he was gone. Her presence immobilized him, preventing him from moving onward.

 _“How rude… I resent that comparison.”_ Enoshima huffed. _“I’m not stopping you from anything.”_

“You are…” Nagito whispered into his blanket, “You’re hindering my recovery. Go away.”

_“Me? Really? That’s what you think?”_

“Yes, you won’t let me go.” Nagito clarified.

 _“If that’s what you want to think.”_ Enoshima slowly said, _“Be my guest. But you got it wrong. I’m not doing anything. It’s all you Lucky Boy.”_

“I am not wrong.” Nagito rolled over, “I’ll get rid of you…”

 _“Well good luck with your plan.”_ Enoshima sighed, _“I can’t wait to see what Hinata does. Have fun seeing Tsumiki.”_

~

When he caught, himself dozing off for the seventh time, Hajime considered leaving Tsumiki. The chair wasn’t comfortable, the plastic digging into his back at uncomfortable angles that should be impossible to achieve, yet somehow, it did. Rubbing his eyes, Hajime located the clock and read the time. The red numbers burned into his retina. It was three-fourteen in the morning. Groaning, Hajime glanced at Tsumiki. She was recovering and hovering over her like a security guard probably wasn’t a good idea. She needed privacy. Standing up, Hajime thought about the on-call room. If something happened he would be in the building, not too far away. Plus, the alarm was linked to the room. If Tsumiki ran into trouble, she could always press the button.

Ambling upstairs, Hajime flopped into the bed and fell asleep immediately.

~

_They walked through the school, Hajime’s hands warm, pulsing, as the shadows and lights flickered dramatically on the walls and floor. Everything was draped in steady sunlight or still shadows. A humid warmth clung to their skin, to the foundation of the school. It covered them, filled their souls with sloth, oozing whispers of comfort and sun scorched peace._

_“This way.” His younger self proclaimed, turning to a flight of stairs._

_Hajime ghosted after, gliding up the stairs. The second floor held more classrooms: a computer room, the music room, the homemaking rooms… Hajime read the signs almost on impulse, the characters barely registering in his mind before they were whisked away._

_“There!”_

_The small hand left Hajime’s. Hajime reeled and stepped back, watching as his younger self pointed towards another set of stairs, running towards them._

_“Up here!”_

_“Wait!” Hajime scrambled._

_He ran, watching as his younger self always seemed to slip out of his sight, Hajime only able to catch a hint of the shirt, or back of the shoes. Racing, Hajime sharply turned a corner, almost falling over with a loss of balance, ramming into the wall. Pain dully blossomed on his shoulder, but Hajime forced himself to look up. The door to the classroom was half-way opened, partially slid to the side. Moving towards it, Hajime stepped inside._

_It was a classroom, one filled with rows of desks and a table at the front. The chalkboard, both at the front and back were spotless, not a single thing written on them. Curtains were drawn back at the windows, but his kid self wasn’t in the room. Instead in the center of the room was himself, only older. If Hajime had to judge, he’d guess middle school age. Staring, Hajime clutched the door frame._

_“Can I help you?” His younger self asked._

_“I…” Hajime glanced around._

_“You’re looking for Kamukura, right?”_

_The question tore into Hajime. He stared. “W-what?”_

_“Figures.” A soft, cutting smile filled his younger self’s face. “Here.” He pointed to the window. “Look.”_

_Hajime walked in, brushing past empty desks, to the window. Pressing his hand to the glass, he looked down at the courtyard. There was no one there, just the grass and flowers. He could see the other side of the school, but most of it was cast in shadows. Looking back to his younger self, Hajime cocked his head._

_“Well?” His younger self pressed, sitting on a desk, swinging his feet. “Go on.”_

_Go on to what?_

_“Go out the window.” He added for clarification. “Unless you don’t want to?” He cocked his head, almost a mocking of what Hajime had just done, “That’s strange. Don’t you want to see Kamukura?” He snorted, “But I guess I wouldn’t want to see him either. It’s up to you.”_

_Hajime turned back to the courtyard, to the pane of glass that separated him. There was no ledge, merely a drop. Clutching the handle to the window, Hajime turned it down, sliding the window open. A breeze filled the room and ruffled Hajime’s hair and clothes. Looking down, Hajime tried to calculate the drop._

_“Well? Are you just going to stand there?” The tone was light, curious, no bite. “You need to jump if you want to see Kamukura.” He added helpfully._

_The decision was made instantly. One moment Hajime felt the floor under his feet, and the next bit he felt gravity tugging him down, pulling him to the courtyard. Hajime could feel the sun on his skin and the breeze pulling at him for a fraction of a second, and then the smell of grass and darkness._

_For a moment Hajime blacked out, like someone had cut a section out of his memory. As his consciousness jolted back into existence, Hajime felt the cool, hard sensation of a floor. Above him was a ceiling, no lights on. Turning his head, Hajime saw the metal of desk legs, rows and rows of desks. Groaning he sat up, rubbing his head. He was back in the classroom? Sitting up, Hajime tried to stand, but his legs collapsed under him. As he lay on the ground, a burning filling his cheeks, he heard a scoff._

_Hajime nearly whipped his head up, and nearly smacked his head into the other’s, but the other glided away with ease._

_“Kamukura?” Hajime asked more than stated._

_“Kamukura?” The voice asked, clearly female, “Who’s that? Your boyfriend or something?” Another scoff filled the room, “I can’t believe I got stuck with… look do you want my help or not?”_

_The girl was blonde, a straw blonde that Hajime had only seen on two people. Her cheeks were round, obscuring her age with a dusting of freckles across the bridge. No smile graced her face, no warmth in her eyes. Her arms were folded and she was tapping the floor with her foot._

_“I said, do you want my help or not?” She forcefully added the last part._

_Scrambling up, Hajime stared. The classroom was suddenly alive, with people bustling, talking, sitting, moving around, but they were all translucent. Everyone had features… if Hajime took the time to check them out… but if he didn’t they simply phased with the classroom in a blur. The girl was the only one clear, defined._

_“Well? I’ll take your silence as a no…” She snapped, “I deal with idiots all day, you’re adding to my extensive list.”_

_“I… yes.” Hajime blurted out._

_“Yes? As in you’re an idiot? Or are you finally answering me?”_

_“Answering.” Definitely._

_“It’s about fucking time.” She growled before shoving a heavier than usual stack of papers into his arms, “Let’s get going Sunflower Boy.”_

_“What?” Hajime stared. Sunflower Boy?_

_“I said I’d help you, but no way am I going to help carrying that around.” She clarified with a haughty flick of her hair, “But, I am gracious enough to open doors for you.”_

_That didn’t sound like a fair distribution of help, but Hajime wasn’t going to point it out, “Uh… okay… let’s go.”_

_“Great.” She gave a roll of her eyes, before she moved, nearly plowing into people who didn’t move fast enough. When she opened the door, she practically slid the door fast enough to decapitate someone._

_Hajime brushed past people, apologies on his lips as they walked out of the classroom._

_“Thanks…uh…” Who was she?_

_“Eloquent.” She sarcastically bit, “You’re as smooth as my brother.” She gave a chortle, “Maybe you should meet Fuyuhiko some time and practice together.”_

_Hajime froze, staring at her. How did he not see it before? The hair… the tone… the face… this was… Fuyuhiko’s sister…_

_This was Natsumi Kuzuryuu._

~

In the end, Nagito didn’t have much of a plan, but rather an idea. Hinata’s schedule at the hospital was easy to predict. Even then, he didn’t need Hinata away from the hospital, just merely not around Tsumiki.

Slipping back into the hospital as morning once again broke, Nagito walked briskly to Tsumiki’s room. Standing at the door, Nagito focused. His luck merely had to work for just a bit. He wasn’t trying to not get caught or found out. He was merely the match falling into a barrel of oil.

Opening the door slowly, Nagito looked in. Hinata wasn’t there, only Tsumiki, who was curled up in bed. The lights were off and everything neatly organized. If Hinata had been in the room, he certainly cleaned up properly before he left. A file was sitting on the table, probably Trial three. Walking in, Nagito shut the door, picked the file up, and stalked over to Tsumiki. Her breathing was even and still. Reaching out, he lightly touched her arm with his right hand, leaving the file on the bed.

 _“Go on, what are you waiting for?”_ Enoshima breathed into his ear, _“Look at her… she looks so innocent sleeping… lying to everyone…”_

Nagito’s fingers tightened.

_“Yes… that’s it… if she won’t answer you’ll have to drag it out of her.”_

Tsumiki jolted under his hand, her eyes fluttering open. “H-Hinata?”

Hearing Hinata’s name out of her lips caused his vision to turn red, bleed into everything. Nagito snapped and swung his legs over Tsumiki, pinning her to the bed. His grip on her arm was tight. He could feel her skin pulsing under his fingers, blood pumping. Using his metal hand, Nagito placed it on her mouth.

“Don’t move.” Nagito coldly told her.

_“Good… get her… let her know she can’t lie…”_

“I know you’re lying.” Nagito continued, digging his knees against her sides, “Pretending to not be affected by Despair… just like your Trial.”

She tried to shake her head, but Nagito moved his hand lower, gripping her chin tightly, “Don’t lie to me.” He told her, “You’ve been lying to everyone. I can see…” He smiled.

“I-I…” Her voice managed to escape thanks to the change in his hand’s angle, “P-Please… I-I’m not…”

Nagito’s other hand dragged down her arm, tightening. She gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. She tried to wiggle her entire body, throw him off, reaching for the alarm button. Nagito leaned closer and used his body weight to keep her down.

_“Wow, she’s still lying… that’s amazing… maybe you should get a bit… physical…”_

As the suggestion left Enoshima’s mouth, Nagito saw red blossom over her jaw line as his metal arm smacked against her face a few times. Blood gathered around her lips, where he busted it. Tears filled her eyes as she let out a scream, strangled and gurgling as blood dripped down her chin.

“Will you be truthful now?” Nagito asked feeling a bitter taste on his lips, “I hate… hitting people… look what you’ve made me do.”

“I-I’m f-fine… n-not in D-Despair…” Tsumiki gasped out as she turned her head, blood staining the pillow and bedding as she let it spill from her mouth.

 “It’s not hard Tsumiki.” He softly said against her ear, “Just admit you’re lying. You’re not fine. You’re still in Despair. Did you think you could fool me?”

As he moved, he felt the file against his leg. Leaning down, he grabbed the file, throwing it at her, Nagito felt a wave of satisfaction as Tsumiki flinched and looked away from the file. The file had opened in front of her, pages scattered and pictures showing.

“Look at them.” Nagito whispered, “The pictures, what you did. Are you happy? Did you enjoy killing Mioda and Saionji?”

Tsumiki shook her head, tears running down her eyes, dripping down her face, “P-please… I-I d-don’t want to look…”

Nagito scoffed, “Why won’t you just admit you’re lying to everyone?”

“N-No… I-I’m not...”

 _“Really?”_ Enoshima asked for Nagito, _“After she heard her trial? Her murders? Did you see how she was in Hinata’s arms? She was always so desperate for attention from anyone… how pathetic.”_

Right. Her murders… her callous murdering… that was why she was curled in Hinata… she wanted comfort…

His hands flew off her face and arm, planting on either side of her face, “Your trial… and murders…” He whispered, “You… pretended… to be sad… to get close to Hinata.”

_“And we all know Hinata doesn’t want anything to do with you… maybe he wanted her advances…”_

No… that was a lie… Nagito gasped out and looked at Tsumiki. It… was her fault… all her fault…

“It’s your fault…” He whispered, half to himself and half to her, “You… think pretending to be all right… will get you attention? Do you think that will get people to love you?”

 _“Hypocrite…”_ Enoshima laughed in his ear, _“Just like you?”_

Her words… why was she always saying the things that slowly killed him? Left him internally bleeding, wheezing on his own blood? Why was she picking at him, tearing flesh from his bones until he was nothing more than a pile of bleached bones?

“SHUT UP!” Nagito yelled to no one as his hands flew around Tsumiki’s neck.

 _“Ahahaha that’s it!”_ Enoshima jumped in his mind, _“Strangle her! Just like she did to Mioda! She likes the neck… she also slit Saionji’s pretty little throat…”_

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” Nagito readjusted his angle, his hands off her for a moment.

“K-Komaeda… p-please…” Tsumiki tried to kick him, wiggle and move.

“Not until you admit you’re lying!” Nagito hissed at her.

His hands reached for her neck. Tsumiki let out a blood curling scream before it was cut off, his thumbs pressing down on her throat. She bucked her body and thrashed violently, her arms flailing and knocking something over. A loud clatter filled the background, but Nagito paid no attention, tightening his grip just a bit…

_“Yes… strangle the air out of her…”_

“KOMAEDA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Arms, stronger than he expected wrapped around his waist and pulled while another set of hands went for his hands, attempting to pull them off. Nagito tried to maintain his pressure, but there was a pull on his hair, sharp and strong. The pain danced in his head and he blanked for a moment, his hands slipping from Tsumiki’s throat.

“Tie him up, now.” That was Kuzuryuu’s voice.

Nagito felt air and nothing before the hard press of the cold floor. He was lying at an awkward angle and could feel a twist in his body as a loud crunch of metal was heard, followed by a lack of weight at his left side. Nagito snarled and tried to smack Souda with his stump, but Owari pushed him down so swiftly the air in his lungs escaped. His body went limp, and he started to laugh. Why was he fighting so hard? He was caught and Hinata would arrive, finding out what he did…

 _“See? You’ll get your punishment… you only had to be naughty…”_ Enoshima cooed.

“Someone shut him up.” Kuzuryuu snapped.

Rope began to wrap around his legs, curling up to his hand, tying everything together. Nagito continued to laugh until he tasted cotton against his lips. He frowned and tried to turn his head. Tying up was one thing, but gagging? Owari’s hands firmly grabbed his face and the fabric was tied securely around his mouth. He went limp. The chaos was settling and he could hear Tsumiki’s choked coughs and wheezing crying.

“Go get Hinata…” Kuzuryuu suddenly came into Komaeda’s vision, before he looked down at him, his single eye icy, “And don’t you fucking dare try anything.”

Nagito wanted to tell him he wouldn’t dream of it. He did his part, now, all he had to wait for was Hinata to come and punish him.

~

Hajime slowly woke up, his mind surfacing slowly. The dream still floated in his mind, drifting. His body felt sluggish, heavy and weighed down with sleep and fragments of the dream. Curling to his side, Hajime tried to piece together what he dreamed. He had dreamed about… himself as a child… a school… a girl with blonde hair…

“HAJIME!”

The door violently burst open and loud footsteps filled the room. A hand landed harshly on his shoulder and shook him, “HAJIME! HAJIME WAKE UP!!!”

Groaning Hajime turned, opening his eyes, “K-Kazuichi?”

“WE GOT A PROBLEM.” Souda practically yelled at his face, “GET UP!”

Sitting up, Hajime felt the words stab his brain, like a javelin thrown into a balloon, bursting violently, “Trouble?”

“Just come downstairs, it’s… Tsumiki.”

Downstairs? Tsumiki? Hajime rubbed the rest of sleep from his eyes, his brain on overdrive. Souda took that as invitation. His hand wrapped around Hajime’s wrist and tugged, running towards the door. Now wasn’t time. Tsumiki. Problem. Guilt, heavy and acidic filled his stomach. It burned him alive, inside out. He had… left her… went to sleep… something had happened. If only he stayed… or perhaps took a room beside her. What was he thinking? Hajime wanted to slap himself.

Hajime nearly fell down the stairs, face first, as his legs tangled into each other. Souda wasn’t slowing down as they ran to Tsumiki’s room. Hajime’s stomach dropped, twisted into a pretzel. Before he could imagine what had happened, Souda nearly ripped the door off the hinges and almost threw Hajime inside.

Raspy crying greeted Hajime’s ears. Sitting on the bed was Tsumiki, her hands covering her face. Sonia sat beside her, rubbing her shoulders. Even at a distance, Hajime could see bruises on her arms in the shape of fingers and a hand. On the floor was Komaeda, tied up, missing his left arm, and gagged, with Owari sitting on his back. Kuzuryuu was sitting at the table, glaring with his single eye. Hajime felt the guilt curl around his lungs in thick, heavy chains, consuming every breath.

Immediately Hajime walked over to Tsumiki. Her breathing was wheezing, mixed with coughing. Sonia shifted, giving him space to lean over. Lightly touching Tsumiki, Hajime gently pulled her hand away. Her face was streaked with tears and was red. She lightly moved away from him and Hajime felt his breath knock out of his lungs. The entire side of her face was blotchy with red and purple slowly blossoming along her jawline and down to her neck. Saliva was dripping down her chin as her throat weakly worked to try and swallow. Around her neck were thumbprints, the left side looking more severe. As Hajime lightly touched her neck Tsumiki’s eyes opened, slightly red.

Hajime felt his blood boil as he pieced together what happened. He moved away from Tsumiki and felt a growl come out of his throat. Komaeda had done this. He had attacked her. Their morning of making crepes suddenly felt cheap, dirty, like a stolen trinket. The precious moment was muddied, useless. And Hajime had fallen for it. Something snapped inside of him. A tearing sound filled the room and Hajime felt his hand drop from the ruined blanket.

“How long?” Hajime softly asked the room. When no one answered, his voice grew louder. “I asked How LONG?”

“I-I… I heard a crash… a scream…” Owari immediately spoke, “I ran… it couldn’t have been more than ten seconds… I was just a bit down the hall…”

Ten seconds… that was still… Hajime exhaled sharply, “Get him out.”

“What?” Owari numbly asked.

“I said. Get. Him. Out. NOW.” Hajime’s voice grew louder. “I… I can’t…” He turned to Tsumiki and closed his eyes. No… he had to push his rage aside. “Please.”

He didn’t have to ask twice. Owari picked Komaeda up, a surprising feat considering her strength was still recovering, and walked out of the room. Kuzuryuu standing and following her. Hajime turned away, not looking at Komaeda. His hands balled into fists and nails dug into his palms. Rage bubbled and burned in his veins, wanting to consume him. Thickly Hajime swallowed and tried to hold it back. He had to check on Tsumiki.

The swelling wasn’t as severe as it could be, and the time frame Komaeda had his hands around her throat was short, still, Hajime was going to be safe. She’d need to be monitored. Swallowing could be a challenge, systems in shock…Moving on autopilot, Hajime started to splint her neck carefully, making sure she was lying down properly, minimizing her movement. Words, gently and sure fell out of his mouth as he informed Tsumiki what he was doing, telling her everything. He then wrapped Tsumiki in the blanket, feeling her shivering through the fabric. The tear he had caused stood starkly out. Hajime turned to Sonia.

“Could you get another…?”

“Right away!” Sonia fled the scene. “Come on Souda!”

“Okay!”

Immediately Hajime turned and checked Tsumiki’s pulse, gently grabbing her wrist. It was a bit shallow, but the beat was steady. He then moved to her breathing. He’d have to give her something, to make sure she kept breathing, didn’t have any complications…

Complications… Hajime held back a groan. Recovery had been going so smooth… but now… he was going to have to spend another night awake. The adrenaline was wearing off, leaving him twice as exhausted, reminding Hajime he probably had less than two to three hours of sleep. But that wasn’t important. Rubbing his face, Hajime slapped his cheeks lightly, and did his best to refocus.

~

The irony of the situation was being tied up. Nagito lay on the floor of some barren office, the rope reinforced, the gag tied tighter. Saliva was gathering on the cloth and making it wet and uncomfortable. He wanted to swallow, but every time he did he got a taste of cotton and lint. Not the most pleasant of tastes. It left his mouth dry. Wiggling a bit more, Nagito was grateful they didn’t tie his stump of a left arm too tightly. He could still bend at the elbow and it allowed him to get leverage to roll over and adjust his position.

 How they had managed to find rope to tie him up was a mystery, but Nagito wasn’t going to ponder the minute details. At least it wasn’t like the Program. Nagito laughed internally. There weren’t pictures of it, but the file had mentioned his imprisonment in the Old Building. Even after the party, Nagito could imagine it was still dusty. Not to mention it was where Byakuya had been murdered.

 _“You’re quite cheerful for a guy tied up.”_ Enoshima softly bounced around, _“Whatever makes you happy I guess.”_ She shrugged. _“What you like is up to you… and potentially Hinata.”_ A giggle was added.

Nagito adjusted himself once again. Hinata. How long would he have to wait until Hinata came to visit him? Closing his eyes, he let the memory run in his brain. The feel of Tsumiki struggling under him, the force of Owari pulling him off, and the tone Hinata had left him with. He shivered and felt the muscles of his mouth try to smile, pull against the saliva soaked fabric. It had been sharp, cold… deliciously painted with undertones of vibrantly violent colours. The tone was so unique to Hinata. Kamukura never spoke like that, his voice always a smooth straight line of perfect neutrals.

 _“What a one-track mind.”_ Enoshima whispered, _“Will this be everything you’ve hoped for?”_ The word ‘hoped’ sounded acidic from her lips.

 _‘It will be.’_ Nagito thought back, staring at the ceiling.

Time crawled and hid, making everything feel both slow and fast at the same time. Nagito dozed off, his mind numbing as he had nothing to do. When the door opened, Nagito wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Immediately the smell of food waffled in, giving a bit of an indication. His stomach lurched, turning to life. Glancing up, he saw Souda and Sonia. His heart sunk a bit, but the promise of food lifted it up a bit.

“I’m going to untie your mouth.” Sonia knelt, “Please behave.”

Nagito cocked his head obediently, waiting, as she undid the fabric, letting it fall to the floor. Moving his mouth a bit, Nagito swallowed, grimacing. Immediately a glass of water was pushed into his space, complete with a straw. They were being considerate. If Nagito was them he wouldn’t have bothered. Gulping down the water as fast as he could, given the circumstances, he let out a content sigh.

“Thank you.” His voice sounded a bit scratchy, but it wasn’t bad.

“We also brought you dinner.” Souda sat down, pushing the tray towards him.

“How wonderful.” Nagito beamed, “Thanks for the meal.”

He examined the contents. It was soup, pasta, and salad. He could drink the soup with ease, but the pasta… he cocked his head. Thankfully it wasn’t spaghetti, so he could try to pick the pieces one by one. Same with the salad… Bending down Nagito tried to avoid resting his chin on the other things, going for the soup first.

“Woah, wait, what are you doing?” Souda pulled the tray away a bit.

Nagito looked up, cocking his head, “I want to eat?”

“You’re…” Souda sighed,

“We don’t expect you to eat like this.” Sonia chimed in.

“You don’t?” Nagito sat up, “But you won’t untie me? Are you… planning on feeding me?” He blinked, “Not to sound ungrateful… but you wouldn’t be the first person I’d pick to feed me. I can’t let a girl do that. It would be embarrassing.”

Sonia flushed and Souda groaned, picking the fork up, “Fine, I’ll do it.”

“You will?” Nagito wiggled a bit closer, “I guess that’s acceptable… though if I could pick I’d ask Hinata…”

“Hinata… is looking after Tsumiki.” Souda carefully supplied, “So, afraid you’re stuck with me.”

 _“Look, Hinata is still abandoning you for Tsumiki.”_ Enoshima slyly commented, _“How horrible of him…”_

Nagito wanted to tell her to go away, but not with Souda and Sonia present. Hiding his scowl, he shoved her into the back of his mind. Hinata would have to visit him soon. There was no way Hinata would just leave him alone, not after he attacked Tsumiki. The guarantee made his heart flutter. But, now was not the time. Now, he had to eat. No doubt Hinata had cooked and despite being upset at him, sent Souda and Sonia to deliver it and feed him.

“That’s fine.” Nagito leaned close to Souda, so they wouldn’t spill anything, “Feed me.”

“You…” Souda’s face turned a bit pink, “You got no shame…” Still, he speared a bit of pasta and held the fork up, “Here.”

Biting down, Nagito chewed. It tasted lovely. The tomato sauce didn’t taste too sweet or overly salty. Just right. He swallowed, “Thank you Souda.”

“Yeah, yeah, just eat.” Souda sighed.

He didn’t need to be told twice. Nagito continued to eat, words spared only because Souda kept shoving the fork in his face. Sonia stayed, sitting beside Souda, drumming her fingers on the floor, adverting her eyes. Probably out of politeness.

When he finished eating, Souda dutifully held up the second glass of water for him. Nagito drank the entire contents and smiled, “Thank you. That was delicious.”

“No problem…” Souda muttered, “We’ll go now.”

“Ah, could you wait a second?” Nagito called out, “I’m just wondering how long you’re going to keep me here tied up?”

Souda looked to Sonia, who clasped her hands in front her, chin pointed upwards, biting her lip gently.

“Um… we’re not too sure.” Sonia informed him gently.

“Oh… okay?” Nagito sighed. Things would get uncomfortable if they left him alone for too long. “Didn’t Hinata tell you?”

“He…” Souda started, but shook his head, “He’s upset at you.”

“I’m aware of that?” Nagito cocked his head. “But angry or not, leaving me tied up for too long isn’t good.”

“He’ll come visit you soon.” Sonia assured. “Until then…” She gave a bow, “Please… have a good evening?”

Nagito laughed. “Easier said than done.”

The two gave a quick glance at each other before walking out, shutting the door firmly behind them. Nagito wiggled so he was sitting as comfortable as he could, given the circumstances, and waited. This was going to be a long evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy/Envy: I had a lot of fun playing on the similar natures of these feelings. Just to clarify to everyone, jealous= mine no touching or taking! Envy= I want what you have.
> 
> Crepes: I know there are probably million variations on the recipe, but I picked one I'm familiar with.
> 
> Natsumi: I finally found a way to stick her into a story!
> 
> Sunflower Boy: I thought it would be hilarious for her to have a nickname for Hinata. Also, Hinata (while he doesn't write his last name like this) can be written to mean "sunflower."
> 
> Nagito's attack: One reason why I had a difficult time writing this scene is because I don't see Nagito as someone who is violent often. However, I felt that with Enoshima in his mind, it's more of an interrogation style violence, where he wants answers and will do whatever he can to get them.
> 
> Aftermath of Strangulation: Okay, as I stated in the beginning, I am very unsure about treatment. I asked someone studying medicine. I know Tsumiki's didn't last long, so I'm not sure how much needs to be done. Either way, if I'm wrong you can tell me, just be kind about it. 
> 
> Pasta: I don't know what is up with Japan, but every single time I've eaten tomato sauce pasta (homemade or at a restaurant) I always feel the sauce is noticeably sweet.


	12. Question, Question, Answer Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably one of my favourite chapters to write. I haven't had a chapter for this story (in a long, long while) where I felt relaxed and calm as I wrote. It was great. I think that's the subtitle to this chapter: Relaxed. For once things are going smoothly. That being said, I did write Hajime and Komaeda's little talk twice. It turned out a bit differently than in the notes I made, but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who leaves kudos, comments, and bookmarks. I appreciate it. Feel free to leave them, but they're not needed.

Hajime double checked the clipboard and rubbed his eyes. The numbers and characters were blurring together, mixing with each other. Blinking a few times, Hajime forced his vision to focus, and set the board down. Tsumiki’s vitals were stable, but her bruises were going to darken soon, making everything look worse. However, Hajime’s main concern was her neck. The swelling was going down, thanks to medicine, but her airway would have to be maintained. If anything compromised it they’d have a whole new set of problems on hand.

“You’ve been staring at the wall for a solid minute.” Kuzuryuu’s voice floated beside him, “I think it’s time you went to bed.”

“No, I can’t.” Hajime immediately replied, “Tsumiki may look stable but…”

“That wasn’t a suggestion.” Kuzuryuu cut him off, “Go to bed. Now. When is the last time you slept properly?”

Did he have to answer that? Hajime’s jaw clamped shut and he looked away. Kuzuryuu scoffed.

“I thought so. Bed. Now.”

“But… Tsumiki…” Hajime tried to sort his thoughts together, “And… Komaeda…”

To top his day off, Hajime still had to talk to Komaeda about his… actions. At once his insides burned furiously in an icy cold bath. What was he going to say? Hajime’s brain couldn’t think up the words to express how he felt about Komaeda’s recent actions.

“Yeah, the way you are right now you’ll be lucky to get a sentence out.” Kuzuryuu lay a hand on Hajime’s shoulder, “Bed. Now. Komaeda can wait. Hell, Owari or I will go and make sure he’s fine, you know, blood still circulating… all that. We’ll also watch after Tsumiki. I promise if something happens we will get you.”

It sounded great, but Hajime couldn’t help but glance at Tsumiki. If something were to happen again…his stomach lurched and guilt painted his insides in broad, uneven strokes.

“Look, I may not be a professional, but I do know basic First Aid.” Kuzuryuu sighed, “I can help somewhat.”

Oh… Hajime blushed. Right. “I… sorry I didn’t mean to insult you.”

“No harm.” Kuzuryuu slapped his back, “Now go to bed.”

“Okay…”

Hajime forced air into his lungs, letting the guilt wash away. Kuzuryuu was right. He needed the sleep and he could trust him with Tsumiki. Exiting the room, Hajime nearly ran into Owari, who was carrying some snacks.

“Did Baby Gangsta convince you to go have a rest?” She asked. In the background, Hajime hear Kuzuryuu groan.

“Yes…” Hajime replied with a sigh. “I’m off to bed.”

“Good.” Owari slipped past him, “Good night Hajime.”

“Thanks, Owari.”

Ambling up the stairs to the on-call room, Hajime flopped back into the bed, curling under the rumbled covers. Adjusting himself, his eyes automatically closed. Everything swirled in him a bit too hard for sleep to come immediately, but eventually it did.

~

Hajime woke in early morning. Stretching he immediately left, going to check on Tsumiki. Opening the door, he glanced inside. Tsumiki was sleeping deeply. The bruises were darkening, purpling and blackening all along her jawline and throat. Her arms had finger shaped marks, but they were red and purple, not quite as dark as the others, though the ones left by Komaeda’s metal arm were a bit darker. Kuzuryuu and Owari were there, Owari snoring in a chair and Kuzuryuu with his head in his arms, looking at Tsumiki every so often.

Deciding to not bother them, Hajime closed the door to her room and rubbed his face. Even though Kuzuryuu and Owari kicked him out hours ago, he only had a decent sleep, but it would have to be enough. He couldn’t ignore Komaeda any longer.

Just thinking about him, thinking about his hands on Tsumiki, hurting her, made Hajime’s gut tighten, causing something smoldering to seep into his bones, melt into his tissue and flesh. It burned ash into his body, consuming everything until Hajime felt like he was choking on smoke and decay. It was poison, carbon monoxide in his lungs, and Hajime couldn’t go see Komaeda like this; their conversation would end messily. But, he couldn’t keep this inside.

Walking down the hall, Hajime entered the baths. Stripping his clothes (how many days had he worn them?), Hajime turned the water on, until it was steaming, leaving pink skin as the water cascaded down. Leaning his head back, Hajime let the water wash over him. Picking up the shampoo, Hajime washed his hair quickly and then entered the tub. Slipping in the hot water, Hajime closed his eyes. Steam rose all over him and kissed his skin. Tension slowly escaped his body, his thoughts muting.

Hajime wasn’t sure how long he stayed in the tub, but he left when the water’s temperature became notably cooler. Standing up, Hajime wobbled a bit and walked out. Grabbing a towel, he dried off and glanced at his clothes. It wasn’t ideal, but he didn’t have much choice. Dressing quickly, Hajime patted his hair dry one more time and exited.

Opening the door, Hajime paused for a moment. Komaeda was lying on his side, but looked up when he heard the door open. His eyes widened for a moment. Hajime stepped inside and slightly shut the door. Komaeda’s shirt was rumbled and his hand looked a bit numb. He shuffled a bit and probably wanted to stretch a bit. Hajime glanced at the knots. Logic told him he should. Holding a sigh, Hajime knelt and loosened the knots, undoing them, letting the rope fall to the floor. Komaeda sat up and stretched, rotating his shoulders a bit.

“Thank you.” Komaeda calmly said. “It was becoming extremely uncomfortable.”

How could he be composed? Hajime groaned. It was best to get this over with, “First, you’re banned from visiting the hospital.”

“Okay.” Komaeda said with stride, “Makes sense.”

“I don’t want to see you around Tsumiki alone either.” Hajime tacked on.

“Reasonable. I don’t want to see her either.” Komaeda replied.

Hajime stared at him for a moment, trying to see what he was thinking. Obviously Komaeda was aware of what he did and knew it was wrong. He had calculated the attack, expecting the results. It made everything better and worse. Better that Komaeda wasn’t arguing, and worse that Komaeda didn’t look pained. It made the anger, the thing Hajime tried to let go of with his bath, bubbled slightly inside.

“We’re not done.” Hajime pointed to the desk, “Sit down. We need a talk.”

Komaeda did as Hajime asked, balancing precariously on the desk, folding his arms over his chest. He looked up, eyes glimmering, waiting. The easy route would be to yell, to let the rage boil over. Hajime wished he could do it, but rage wasn’t going to solve the problem.

“Why?” Hajime opted to say quietly, “Why did you attack Tsumiki?”

“You want to know my reason?” Komaeda asked softly, “She’s lying, about not being in Despair. I just wanted her to tell the truth.”

Despite the volume of his voice, Komaeda didn’t flinch, looked at Hajime without blinking. Was it simply that? Was Komaeda’s actions the result of extreme paranoia? Hajime wished he could say that was the case, but he knew it wasn’t. Komaeda wouldn’t attack Tsumiki solely on paranoia. Besides, Hajime’s eyes narrowed, Tsumiki hadn’t shown any signs of Despair. The only account Hajime had was Komaeda’s, when he pushed Tsumiki the morning they made crepes. Komaeda wasn’t exactly in the position where his word had a firm standing. No, something else pushed Komaeda to assault Tsumiki.

“That’s can’t be everything.” Hajime pointed out, “What was your motive?”

“Motive?” Komaeda cocked his head, “I don’t understand. I told you why already.” He shrugged, “I’m actually surprised. You’re calmer than I expected.”

His words jolted something in Hajime. Right. Komaeda wanted him to be mad, to lash out. His request to punish him, to smack him around, had looped out of Hajime’s mind. It helped restrain, keep Hajime grounded. He had told Komaeda he wasn’t going to hurt him and he’d keep his word.

“No, you don’t understand me.” Hajime retorted, “Motives and reasons are two separate things. Reasons are the things we tell ourselves to justify our actions, make sense of them. Motives are our true intentions. So, what was your motive?”

He walked closer to Komaeda, staring at him. Komaeda’s eyes widened slightly, his pupils growing bigger as Hajime got closer. His arms uncurled and his right hand gripped the desk tightly. Stopping when he was still an arm’s length away, Hajime waited, letting his words sink into the room.

“You’re saying I lied about my true intentions?” Komaeda asked.

“Yes, I am.” Hajime nodded.

“What if I’m not sure myself?” Komaeda fired back.

Exhaling Hajime barely flinched, “I’ll guess. Is that what you want? Me rummaging in your brain?” A small smile filled Hajime’s face, “I can do that.”

He didn’t wait for Komaeda’s answer. Hajime carefully picked a talent, feeling the slimy weight in his hands as it writhed and squirmed like a fish out of water. Focusing, Hajime slipped back a bit, like he was looking at Komaeda through a mirror. Silently, Hajime asked himself the same question he asked Komaeda. His motive… Komaeda hadn’t lied when he said his distrust in Tsumiki played a role, but there had to be more. What was it? Hajime thought back to their recent interactions. Where did something go wrong?

Punishments. Hajime refusing to punish him, ending their unhealthy agreement. That had to be the beginning. Obviously, Hajime was foolish for thinking Komaeda was fine the next day, when they made crepes. He had pushed Tsumiki over, claiming it was paranoia… but what else could it be? Tsumiki hadn’t told him what Komaeda said during his assault, her throat still too swollen to talk properly and sleep her number one priority. Hajime had to step into Komaeda’s mind for a moment. He had come into the room… what did Komaeda see? He said Tsumiki was looming over him...

Oh. Hajime felt a bit of heat fill his cheeks. How did he over look Komaeda’s feelings? Their kisses, the desperation… Komaeda said he liked him. Hajime didn’t dispute that… so… envy? He saw Tsumiki on him and that sparked his reaction? When Hajime saw it like that it felt simple. Attention. Komaeda wanted attention, but not from anyone… from him. Without it he felt unneeded, unwanted… Komaeda would do anything…

So, he attacked Tsumiki. Hajime wished he had more hands to face palm with. Sure, Komaeda had lied about not hearing Enoshima and that played a factor, but in the end… he attacked Tsumiki. If everyone else hadn’t stopped him… the damage could have been worse… permanent. The anger bubbled a little more. Hajime clamped down on it. Komaeda wanted Hajime angry at him. He didn’t care. It was why he was so calm.

“Here’s what I think.” Hajime spoke, feeling his words come out sharply, “You want attention. You felt jeopardized by Tsumiki’s presence. Yes, you weren’t lying about your reason… but that isn’t all, is it?”

Hajime leaned closer, staring at Komaeda, watching his face. It was blank, but Hajime could see his mouth twitch slightly. Something black, bubbled in Hajime, thick with satisfaction. He wasn’t going to hurt Komaeda, but making him uncomfortable, making him face his actions… that Hajime could do.

“You’re afraid of not being wanted, of being cast away.” Hajime continued, “You’re no different than a child afraid of their newborn sibling. Do you really think that poorly of me?” Hajime added, “That I feel you’re replaceable? You felt that you needed any form of attention, that you should do anything to get my attention.”

Without another thought, Hajime reached out and gripped Komaeda’s hand tightly, forcing him closer, “But because of that you nearly killed Tsumiki.” Hajime’s grip tightened, “You want my attention, but you don’t care if it’s good or bad. You should care.”

“You’re angry at me.” Komaeda whispered, staring back, “Not doing anything about that?”

Hajime hollowly laughed, “Yes, I am mad at you. I’m furious. But, you wish I would do something about it. That’s what this all rotates back to. You want me to hurt you. You think that will help you. But, you’re wrong.”

Stepping back a bit, Hajime watched Komaeda. He was perfectly still, but Hajime could taste the turmoil inside. It was a delicate balance, but Hajime could see how his words were biting into Komaeda, as much as he probably didn’t want to admit.

“Don’t you see?” Hajime pushed, “All a punishment does is act like a safety blanket. You could use it as an excuse all day, every day. It wouldn’t matter what you did, how horrible you were, because I’d be there to snap you back into place, keep you in line. It forces all responsibility onto someone else, but never onto you. All you’d be doing is throwing yourself into danger, comforting yourself that someone or something would always save you.”

As soon as the words left Hajime’s mouth, he watched as Komaeda flinched, his mask breaking, something jagged and fleshy exposed underneath. A wheezing laugh, mixed with desperation and fear so thick, Hajime could stick his tongue out and taste it, watery and sweet like an unripe watermelon. He shook his head and gasped out, mouth moving, barely any sound escaping.

“No… it isn’t… shut up… shut up…” Komaeda muttered to himself.

It was Enoshima, whispering her empty lies to him… except… Hajime paused. It pained him to admit, but she had the tendency to speak the truth. The best lies were always coated in some truth. It was why she was a great manipulator… perhaps, instead of assuming what she was saying was entirely lies, maybe Hajime should guess what she was saying to him. So far, she hadn’t come out until…

“You know it.” Hajime whispered, feeling the realization dawn on him, “Well, maybe Enoshima has said it too… that you’re pushing responsibility onto someone else… hoping they’d save you.”

“No… no… you’re wrong, you’re wrong.” Komaeda gripped the desk so hard, Hajime saw white under his knuckles.

Who he was talking to, Hajime wasn’t sure, but just because Enoshima may have said the same things, but her intentions were different. Suddenly Hajime felt cold inside, his anger stopping.

“Komaeda… you can’t keep doing this.” Hajime told him, “You can’t keep pushing responsibility onto others… onto me. When you’re insecure that’s when Enoshima talks to you. You let her play on your fears and then comfort yourself in the idea I’ll stop you.”

Hajime paused and watched as Komaeda stood up, pacing the room, holding his head. Dark mist seemed to rise from Komaeda, thickening like a flour and water mixture, uneven and lumpy. Boney fingers twisted into his hair and curled, pulling sharply.

“Stop it, stop it!!” Komaeda’s voice grew louder. “Go away!” Who he was talking to, Hajime wasn’t sure anymore.

“I know it’s hard.” Hajime felt the words escape his lips, “You… made me realize that too, you know. That I was pushing Kamukura away, trying to separate what was him and me. I tried to neatly box me and Kamukura separately. You called me out on that. So, let me call you out on this.”

Komaeda looked up. His eyes were twisted with an array of emotions floating, hot and cold, mixing into an ugly mess. His mouth twitched, like he wanted to say something, but was torn to who he was talking to.

“I’m to blame too.” Hajime continued, “I enabled you… I let you think your solution was the right one… but in the end, you can’t keep doing this. You need to take responsibility and realize that because you were shoving it away you hurt Tsumiki. No one made you do anything. No one threatened you. It was all you and unless you can face it...”

“You got this all wrong.” Komaeda sharply turned to Hajime, “Do you think admitting anything will drive Enoshima away?” His breath wheezed, “As if it’s that simple. It can’t be. It can’t be that simple.”

 “No… you’re wrong… you’re wrong…” Komaeda hissed, “I can’t get rid of her alone. You’re leaving me… you don’t want me. You’re leaving me alone just like everyone else.” He let out a snort and his eyes dully lit, like a current of electricity behind a dirty light, “You know Hinata, you could at least lie a bit better.”

“Lie?” Hajime repeated.

“Yes… you know I hate manipulative people.” Komaeda turned, almost twirling, “But with conditions.” He laughed, “I know, that’s strange, right? But I can’t help it. I hate manipulative people when you’re obvious. If you’re going to lie and manipulate me, at least be subtle about it.”

“I’m…” Hajime walked over, “I’m not lying. I’m trying to help. I want to help.”

Komaeda cocked his head, eyes swirling, despite his efforts to compose himself. “If you were, you’d listen to me…”

Hajime shook his head, “No Komaeda. You must face your actions… other wise you’ll never get better. You’ll keep hurting others and shoving everyone away… including me. And you’ll only have yourself to blame. And… I want to help you… but I can’t if you’re just going to shove everything onto me. That isn’t healing.”

“My… self?”

Komaeda looked like he wanted to say more, but Hajime cut him off. They’d be going in circles for hours if Hajime let him.

“Regardless, you’re banned from visiting the hospital. You’re also under house arrest.” Hajime added, “Figuratively. I don’t want you anywhere unsupervised.”

“Isn’t that just babysitting? I thought you wanted to avoid that.” Komaeda snapped.

“Yeah well your freedom has been abused.” Hajime replied, “Forgive me if I don’t trust you completely.” He couldn’t help but snarkily add. “We’re done here.”

Komaeda opened his mouth, but shut it a second later. Turning around without a word, he left the room. Hajime followed, hoping he wasn’t going to go to Tsumiki, but he didn’t. Hajime stared down the hallway even after Komaeda had exited the building.

~

_His fault. His fault. His fault._

The words echoed, playing into a consistent loop in Nagito’s mind. Hinata’s words dug into his skin, into his brain, burrowing deeply. Emotions, heavy, saturated with a turmoil of colour ripped through Nagito. His surroundings blurred, muting into a mess of white noise. Nagito barely noticed or cared as he left the hospital, body automatically directing him back towards the main island.

 _His fault. His fault._ It was his fault, he was shoving responsibility away, desperately wishing for someone to help…. Nagito let out a harsh gasp and wished he could probably curl his arms around each other. Instead all he had was one arm and a sorry excuse for an arm. He hollowly laughed, wishing he could press his arms around his middle harder, keep his insides from falling out of the gaping hole Hinata had left.

No, no, Hinata was wrong… he was lying too… Hinata was wrong in saying it was his fault and he was a liar for claiming he wanted to help him…

Wasn’t he?

Nagito pressed his arms tighter against his stomach, suddenly feeling a dizzy spell sweep over him, heavy and sickeningly lurching. Doubling over, Nagito felt a strong urge to dry heave, to throw up, but he had nothing in his stomach. His body felt light, ungrounded. Nagito needed weight. He wanted something to hold onto, but it felt so far out of his reach. Whatever Hinata was offering him, it was too far. It was like Hinata was wading out into deep water, but Nagito was stuck on the shore, unable to move, paralyzed. There was nothing to grab, nothing to keep him stable…

A dull pain filled his side and Nagito wildly looked over. He was half caught on the side of the bridge. Did he run into it? He wanted to giggle, but giggling felt too strenuous. Emotion felt too strenuous. Nagito wanted to numb himself, cocoon himself in a silent ball, but couldn’t. That would require detaching himself. A sharp wave of uncertainty so strong it morphed into fear dripped into Nagito’s blood stream.

Swallowing thickly Nagito forced himself to keep walking. As he walked, all he could hear was Hajime’s words.

_His fault. His fault. His fault._

For once, under the noise of Hinata’s words, Enoshima wasn’t present.

~

Owari was awake when Hajime returned to the room, though she looked more in a daze that could be mistaken for being awake. Kuzuryuu was nodding off. Hajime shut the door. Tsumiki was waking, stirring in her bed.

“You two can go rest up.” Hajime announced his presence, “I got this.”

“Yeah, no.” Kuzuryuu somehow managed to glare and yawn at the same time, “Souda and Sonia are going to take over.”

“But…”

“I’m having none of your shit.” Kuzuryuu yawned again, “Take a break. Go have a bath. Drink tea. Read a book.”

“I already had a bath.” Hajime protested.

“Well have another one.” Kuzuryuu snapped.

“I slept.” Hajime continued, “I can do this…”

“Sleep doesn’t mean you had a proper rest.” Owari muttered.

Hajime rubbed his head. Sure, he was still a bit tired, his brain always set to fuzzy, but he had to help Tsumiki. “I…”

“Are you always this dense?” Owari asked, “You need a break. No, you need a holiday.”

“…but Tsumiki… and I told Komaeda he has to be supervised…”

“Then we’ll tell Sonia or Kazuichi to do that.” Kuzuryuu immediately replied, “Leave. Now.”

It was a losing battle. Hajime felt his heart twist a bit. He had left Tsumiki before… would it be all right? He shook his head. It would be… he couldn’t think negatively.

“Okay… I’m going…” Hajime muttered.

“Good.” Owari said a bit too loud.

~

Somehow, Nagito made it back to his cottage. Hinata had said he was under house arrest figuratively, but there was no where Nagito wanted to go. Stepping inside, he flopped down onto his bed, closing his eyes. Hinata’s words still ran through his brain, though the noise had died down to a consistent muttering in the background. If Nagito didn’t think too hard, the sound remained distant. He closed his eyes. Sleep hadn’t occurred in the room and what little energy he had was expended when he saw Hinata. Almost instantly, Nagito drifted off.

~

_“I got a question.”_

_Servant felt a jolt run through his heart, a smile filling his face, “A question? How rare. What could you possibly want to know from me?”_

_Kamukura looked at him, red eyes dull and nothing flickering behind them, “What will you do after?”_

_“After?” Servant cocked his head, “You mean after Towa City?” He hummed and smiled wider, “Well, spread hope! Oh, but I’m already doing that, aren’t I? Was that answer too boring?” Servant asked._

_Kamukura was silent. Servant felt a jolt run through him, echoing disappointment. Who was he kidding? Of course, his answer was disappointing. Someone like him… it was natural that whatever he said was a disappointment. But, Kamukura had asked… so he must have a reason? Servant perked up. That meant Kamukura had an expectation for him… he mustn’t waste the opportunity. Perhaps he should answer honestly? (Well spreading hope was honest, but that was more of a goal…)_

_“Maybe…” Servant tried to sound sincere, “Maybe follow you? If you’d let me. You don’t have to…”_

_A sigh, barely audible escaped from Kamukura’s lips. Servant wilted. That was the wrong answer… he should have known he couldn’t answer anything correctly._

_“You misunderstood me.” Kamukura said. Servant felt a stab fill his heart. He had wasted the opportunity… “I mean… what will you do after Hajime?”_

_Hajime…? Servant looked up. Standing in front of him wasn’t Kamukura, but a boy with short brown hair, plain clothes, mismatched eyes. A hand fell onto his shoulder and Nagito gasped, the destroyed city dissolving slowly around them._

_“What will you do after me?” Hinata pressed, “After you’ve shoved everything onto me? After you’ve worn me down? Will you scatter my broken pieces? Leave me to rot?”_

_Nagito couldn’t speak. He… he didn’t want to do that… didn’t want to break Hinata…_

_“Answer… what will you do after…?”_

~

Nagito woke to the sound of knocking. For a second, the world was hazy again, blurred, but he blinked and forced his mind to wake. The dream clung to him, like plastic wrap stuck to itself. Every wrinkle, every detail to the dream was playing violently in his mind, mixing with Hinata’s words from the day before. _(His fault. His fault. His fault.)_ The colour blurred through the third replay and everything washed into a sepia tone, damaged like an old film reel. The knock came again, a bit louder. Nagito pushed the dream and Hinata’s words away and got out of his bed, wobbling to the door.

Sonia stood on the other side, arms crossed over her body. When she heard the door open, she backed away a bit, letting Nagito open the door properly.

“Good morning?” Nagito blinked.

“Good morning Komaeda.” Sonia said.

Silence filled the space between them. Sonia looked at him, as though she was expecting him to say something. Nagito felt like he had a cue and missed it entirely.

“Um…” He bit his lip, “Can I help you?”

“I’m supposed to watch over you today.” Sonia answered.

Oh. Right. House arrest. Well, figuratively. Nagito eyed Sonia. Out of all the people to make watch over him, she was a better option. He’d take her over Kuzuryuu or Owari. Still, that didn’t mean he wanted to hang out in his cottage with little to nothing to do.

“Uh… okay.” Nagito rubbed his head, “Though I just woke up and…”

“You can take your time.” Sonia quickly said, “I’ll just… wait out here.”

Good. Nagito wasn’t going to invite her in anyways. “Ok, I’ll just… get ready?”

What exactly was he supposed to do? The finer details to his house arrest were vague. Was Sonia going to actively visit with him, or was she just going to follow at a distance? Maybe it depended on the person. Sonia would probably be the former option. Shutting the door softly behind him, Nagito headed to his bathroom. Sleep had been his number one priority earlier, but now a shower was next.

Letting the hot water wash over him, Nagito moved at a comfortable pace, trying to not be too fast, or too slow. Washing his hair (as best as he could with one full arm), he made sure the water ran clear before he shut the water off and grabbed his towel. He made sure to wrap the towel around his shoulders, letting all the extra water drip off.

Changed and clean, Nagito hung the towel up and exited his cottage. Sonia was sitting at the front, idly flipping through a book. She stood up as he walked out and stuffed the book in a small bag Nagito had missed before.

“What shall we do?” Nagito asked as he closed the door.

“Um…” Sonia bit her lip, “I suppose whatever you want? Are you hungry?”

Nagito shrugged, “Not particularly… am I allowed to do anything I want? Bar the hospital of course.” He quickly added.

Sonia’s mouth twisted at the last part, “Um… we can do almost anything… I was never told of any limitations…”

Interesting. Nagito hummed and tried to think. He should rule the third island out entirely, less he be accused of not listening to Hinata. The fifth island was also out for obvious reasons… Nagito shivered. He didn’t want to visit it again. That only left four islands to choose from…

“We could just walk around? See if anything strikes our fancy?” Nagito suggested.

“Sure.” Sonia gestured, “Let’s go.”

They walked, out of the hotel and past all the buildings on the first island. As they passed the beach, Nagito was tempted to go, but he continued, walking over the bridge, towards the main island. The sun was up, bright and glowing in the blue sky. Nagito had never seen a rainy or stormy day. It felt unrealistic, but at the same time he wasn’t going to complain too loudly. Though… it would be nice to have a rainy day…

“Do you want to go to the second island?” Sonia asked.

Nagito looked up. They had stopped at the bridge. He stared. The second island was probably his favourite. It had a cleaner look than the third and fifth island, and had many quiet spaces, like the library. Suddenly a jolt of something warm filled Nagito’s cheeks as he spotted the bag Sonia was carrying. Maybe she wanted to read and baby sitting him was preventing her…

“We can go there if you like.” He said, “The library is always a good place.”

“Uh…” Sonia blinked, “I was wondering more what you’d like… but the library is good. I’m good with anywhere really.”

How nice of her. “Library is good. Let’s go there.”

“Okay.”

The library was solid, silent, and a buffer to the hot weather. Nagito inhaled as he walked in, smelling the worn leather, paper, and smell only books could hold, like the words and stories couldn’t be contained. Sonia went to a table, half covered in shade, and sat down, opening her book. Nagito went to a shelf, running his hand over the books, feeling the bump of the spines. Silence wrapped around him like a buffeter, still and calm. What book should he pick? Nagito hummed. There had to be something…

_His fault._

Nagito stopped, a shiver running down his spine. The dream edged up in his mind, welling over, spilling. He swallowed and tried to focus on finding a book. Pulling one out, Nagito tried to read the back, tried to make sense of the words.

_His fault. His fault._

A gasp, heavy, thick with something escaped his lips. Nagito squeezed his eyes shut and slowly counted to ten, trying to find a middle ground to stand on.

_“What will you do after?”_

No… Nagito clutched the book tightly and shoved it back onto the shelf harshly. No… he wasn’t going to think about the dream, about Hinata’s words… at least not while Sonia was around… in a way, this almost worse than hearing Enoshima…As soon as he thought that, Nagito laughed softly. He would rather listen to Enoshima? What was wrong with him?

_His fault. He was running from responsibility._

_Pathetic._

Nagito turned from the shelf and walked back to Sonia, who was still holding the book, but wasn’t flipping the page. Was she even reading? Nagito sat down, keeping a seat between them. Suddenly the plan to come to the library felt like a bad one. Could he ask they leave?

“You didn’t get a book.” Sonia set her book down.

“I…” Nagito’s throat felt dry, “I couldn’t find one I liked.”

“I see…” Sonia fiddled with her book, twirling it on the table before she looked at him, “Can I be honest for a moment?”

Honest? “Sure.” Nagito answered.

“I’m really upset at you.” She said with a cordial tone.

Nagito blinked. He wanted to not believe her, but Sonia was a Princess. It felt like something people didn’t forget, but it was surprisingly easy to. Either way, it could be a reason she sounded calm. Sonia had to be diplomatic.

“Okay?” Nagito cocked his head, “I mean… I’d be rather surprised if you didn’t hate me.”

“I never said hate.” Sonia corrected, “Upset and hate are very different emotions Komaeda. That’s a leap in logic.”

“Sorry.” Nagito apologized.

“You sound so composed.” Sonia mused, “So calm. Are you really okay with what you did?”

_His fault. His fault._

Nagito thickly swallowed and shoved the words away, “I don’t think that is what matters here.”

“I think does.” Sonia corrected gently, “Being okay with something means you can justify it. Can you justify attacking Tsumiki?”

Justify… justify… to justify meant he’d have to take responsibility… didn’t it? Nagito felt light headed.

_~~He was running from responsibility?~~ _

“You aren’t answering.” Sonia’s voice dipped, “Does that mean you can?”

“I…” Nagito’s mouth wasn’t working, his voice not coming out.

“You know,” Sonia continued, “This reminds me of a folk tale from my country. There was an old sage. They were known for helping people. Every time someone came with a problem they’d always be helped. One day a young girl came to him. She was lost. She had no idea where she was and asked for directions.”

“The sage listened and after handed her a map. She thanked them and left. However, a few days later she came back, upset. She was still lost, still had no clue where she was. When the sage asked about the map, she said she had lost it. The sage gave her another one.”

“But she returned. Night after night, day after day. She grew increasingly frustrated. She was lost, she didn’t know where she was, she didn’t know where to go. All she wanted was to get to a town or a village, anywhere. The sage during the time had given her many things: maps, compasses, even tried to guide her themself, but nothing worked."

Sonia paused and continued, “Now, the sage had an apprentice, someone young, who was observing, watching the ordeal. When the woman left for what seemed like the hundredth time, they asked the sage. They wanted to know why the woman was still lost. Surely, she’d find what she was looking for, right?”

“Now, one day the apprentice had to go into town, get some supplies. As they were walking around, they decided to ask around. Maybe someone knew how to help. Maybe if they requested, someone could come and meet the woman.”

Sonia stopped and leaned over, getting a bit closer to Nagito, “I’m sure you can figure out what the problem was, yes?” She answered for him, “The apprentice found out the woman was dead, died two months ago. Shocked, the apprentice went back to the sage. The sage knew. The apprentice wanted to know why they didn’t just tell the woman.”

“There are a couple different versions to the ending.” Sonia told him, “The woman doesn’t listen to the apprentice. In some versions, she keeps coming back to them, asking for help, stuck in the same loop. Other versions have her leaving in anger or sadness, haunting the woods.”

Nagito couldn’t breathe. The message of the story, the moral hit him harshly. He wanted to pull away from Sonia, but she had gently touched his arm, freezing him in place.

“But in the end, the moral of the story is always the same. The woman can’t move on, can’t find peace. The story is about accepting something horrible to heal. Will you be the woman Komaeda? Will you wander and never heal? Will you never accept and run away?”

Nagito wanted to say something, but her words cut into him, adding to Hinata’s words.

_His fault… he was running away from responsibility… he was running… running…_

“Komaeda… we just want you to heal, but you aren’t doing it by shoving responsibility onto Hinata.” Sonia pressed, “You’re wearing him down, breaking him. Hinata is going to run himself into the ground if you keep acting selfishly.”

_“What will you do after?”_

An acute pain blossomed in his lungs and he exhaled sharply. Nagito tried to find something to latch onto, anger, sadness… anything to throw at Sonia, but he couldn’t find the energy. Her words mingled with the dream and Hinata’s word, ripping into him at all sides. It hurt. It hurt. _(Why did it hurt? ~~Did it hurt because they were right?~~ )_ With a lurch, he stood up, forcing Sonia’s hand off his arm, and walked out of the library.

 _“Running away now?”_ A voice asked in his brain. Nagito wasn’t sure who it was.

Sonia didn’t follow.

~

After being all but kicked out of the hospital, Hajime found himself meandering back to the pods, to the cool, dark, silence of the room. Everything was running smoothly and everyone was still asleep, lost in a maze of dreams.

Hajime glanced at the computer screen and considered working, pulling a talent out, but sleep deprivation cut that idea faster than gravity pulling on his body. Flopping into a chair, Hajime wheeled it over, looking at the first pod in the row, at Koizumi. He smiled and touched the glass, letting his fingers slip, leaving a slight smudge.

Everything was crumbling at his feet. Hajime leaned forward and half lay on the side of the pod. Majority of his friends were still asleep, and the two who had woken up were either in the hospital recovering or were banned from the hospital…

Hajime stared up at Koizumi, feeling a small laugh escape his throat. What would she say to this? Probably scold him. Hajime remembered the files, the better, lighter parts, with Koizumi headstrong, always focused on her task. Maybe she’d tell him that moping would only help so much? Hajime closed his eyes and wished he knew how she sounded, wished he remembered.

“Please… wake up soon.” Hajime sighed into the room, “All of you. I want you to see the island, the real island. You’d like it. I think. It’s always sunny and warm. The island is the same as the Program too. I was surprised that we even have that ridiculous bar. Maybe Mioda can have a concert?” Hajime laughed before he remembered the rest of the file, “I mean… it doesn’t have to be there… we can pick anywhere…”

Wheeling the chair so he was more in the middle of the room, Hajime leaned back, twirling so he could see everyone’s pods slowly. Filing the room with his voice.

“We can have a big party, just for us. Hanamura you can cook with me. I bet you’ll be surprised how well I can cook. And Saionji you can dance too, maybe with Mioda’s music? Oh, and Koizumi you can take pictures. I know you’ll probably worry about your hands, but Kazuichi can make you fingers… Togami... I’d like to meet the real you, the person you really want to be…”

“And there are people waiting for you too, you know? Pekoyama… Fuyuhiko misses you. He wants you awake… wants to tell you all the things he never got to say… and Nidai! Owari probably wants to train with you for hours and hours…” Hajime’s voice grew thicker, “And Tanaka… Sonia thinks about you… I know she does.”

“It will be so great.” Hajime kept talking, “We can be happy together… become friends… and you can come together with us, with Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi. And Sonia. And Owari, Tsumiki… me and…Komaeda…”

Hajime felt a gasp escape his throat. He wished he could turn his brain off, but the image was painted in his mind, rich and colourful, like an oil painting. The party would be small, but filled with life… he could smell the food, could hear the music, and see the dancing. He could spot Koizumi taking pictures, preserving the memory… he could see everyone together… happy…

Tears dripped down Hajime’s face. It felt cruel to see it, to think about it. The image felt so far away, too far. It was a dream. It was nothing more than smoke and mirrors, taunting him with visions of happiness. A deep curling filled his gut as he wanted nothing more than to reach for the image and pull it into his arms, hold it to his chest.

“Please…” Hajime gasped out, doubling over, thankful for the chair. Other wise he’d be on the floor, “Just… wake up… and we can make everything okay.”

~

_Running away… his fault…_

Nagito stumbled back into his cottage, as though it was a protector to the thoughts in his head. He laughed brokenly and stumbled inside, falling to the floor, back to his door. This was… pathetic… utterly pathetic… just a couple of people scolding him and he was reduced to this? Reduced to questioning himself? Nagito let out another laugh, but it stabbed him to do so. He wanted to pull himself together, but everything was falling slowly, floating away.

_His fault… his fault… He was running away from responsibility… shoving it onto Hinata…_

Was it true?

Nagito crawled towards his bed, wanting something under his body, holding him. The blankets softly wrapped around him, holding him. He buried his face into his pillow, holding tightly with his hand.

What if it was true? The question pierced him, like an arrow finding the chink in armour. If it was… what would he do? What could he do? Could he stop running away? Face the responsibilities he had shoved onto Hinata? Nagito gasped, mixing it with his laughter. Everything hurt, everything ached. Why did it matter to him? Hinata was wrong. Sonia was wrong. He needed Hinata to tell him when he was wrong, ground him. Without him he was in this state, this floundering, uneasy state… it was their fault…

_~~Right?~~ _

_His fault. Running. Responsibility._

_“What will you do after?”_

“No… just… go away…” Nagito hissed, “I… I don’t want…”

 _“What do you want?”_ A soft voice asked in his brain.

Nagito didn’t know who it was, but he wished he could answer.

~

_Hajime followed Natsumi, who was pushing past people unapologetically. Stumbling to keep up after her, Hajime made sure to hold tightly onto the papers, his heart nearly stopping when he saw the top of the stack wobble a bit. He wished he could touch the top, keep the entire pile steady, but Hajime’s hands were both supporting the bottom. If he tried, Hajime was sure he’d drop the pile. Best to be safe._

_They walked down the hallways, curling and twisting until they got to the stairs. Natsumi didn’t wait and practically skipped down. Hajime eased himself down the stairs, making sure to not trip. Natsumi stood at the landing, tapping her foot, looking up, scowling._

_“You could be a little faster.” She huffed._

_“I don’t want to drop the paper.” Hajime told her, “You could slow down.”_

_Natsumi rolled her eyes, “Does it even matter? It’s just paper. If you crinkle a few pages it’s no big deal.”_

_Hajime frowned, “It’s our job to deliver these.”_

_“No, it’s your job.” Natsumi corrected, “Now let’s get moving Sunflower Boy.”_

_Right. Hajime wasn’t going to correct her nickname. Continuing, Hajime sighed when they came to the final flight of stairs. Natsumi once again skipped down, twirling when she reached the bottom, before crossing her arms. Hajime could hear her foot tapping on the floor, echoing along the tile as he walked down. Natsumi kept tapping until Hajime reached the bottom. With a spin, she walked down the hall. Hajime followed, watching as the crowd of people started to thin, less and less blurs at his side, before there was only him and Natsumi. She didn’t react and kept walking, sharply turning a corner. Hajime picked his pace up and followed, only to trip over something._

_Flailing, Hajime tried to regain his balance, but he toppled forward. Shutting his eyes, Hajime waited for the sensation of falling, but it never came. Opening his eyes, he stared up. He was leaning against a large door, smooth and polished wood. The papers shifted slightly, but stayed still. Hajime carefully backed up, feeling the paper wiggle slightly in his arms._

_“What are you doing?” Natsumi’s voice cut in beside him, “Step back so I can open the door.”_

_Hajime felt a shiver run through him. He looked up at the door. Something was behind it. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and another shiver, this one stronger, rippled through Hajime’s body. He swallowed and felt the paper stick to his hands._

_“Don’t you want me to open the door?” Natsumi pressed, “Come on, I don’t have all day.”_

_“I…” Hajime swallowed again, wincing at the dryness._

_“Why are you hesitating?” Natsumi reached over and grabbed the handle, “I’m opening the door.”_

_She pulled and the door swung towards Hajime. He stumbled back. Wind blew from the door and Hajime’s balance toppled. Gravity pulled him backwards, the papers flying into the air. Hajime felt the ground under him as he stared up at the papers. The papers were in the air, but they didn’t fall to the ground, simply disappearing as they fell towards the ground._

_“Wow you got terrible balance.” Natsumi quipped beside him._

_Hajime scrambled up. The room was dark, with a small rectangular window across the room. Behind the window, Hajime could see people standing with white lab coats, staring out into the room. Something filled the room, something strong and oppressing, filling him with a trickling cold feeling. It pooled in Hajime’s stomach, filling his core. He stepped forward, shuffling, feet not lifting from the ground. The breath was knocked out of his throat._

_As he moved closer, the room lit in the middle, like a spot light circling around. A pod sat, wires and machines beeping. Standing at the side was him, wearing a simple hospital robe. Beside him was a scientist surrounded in shadow, the only light coming from the white coat they were wearing._

_“Well? Do you want to see Kamukura?”_

_The voice wasn’t Natsumi. Hajime tried to turn, but he felt a hand tugging at his fingers. Hajime shifted his head and saw himself, the young, tiny version, holding his fingers tightly._

_“I…” Hajime tried to turn. Where was Natsumi? He couldn’t see her._

_“Do you want to see Kamukura?” His younger self repeated calmly, “You can stop it, if you like. If you don’t want to see this, see Kamukura.”_

_Stop it… Hajime refocused on the scene. He was getting into the pod, the scientist easing him in. His fingers twitched at his side and Hajime jolted, moving closer. Could he stop it? Was he meant to stop it? Could he stop the past?_

_No… he couldn’t. Hajime stopped moving and stared at the scene, looked at himself, looked at the window with the hospitals and for a second he swore he saw his parents standing with the scientists, solemn and unblinking as he was taken a part._

_But they disappeared, the scientists, his younger self, and everything was silent, still. But the cold sensation had faded, the feeling that had pressed against him had faded. Hajime felt a strange calm fill his body, serene, smooth. He smiled and walked over to the pod and touched the top. A mechanical sound filled the space as Kamukura sat up, in a suit, red eyes staring at him, expression blank._

_Hajime felt a smile fill his face. He reached a hand out, “Here.”_

_Kamukura blinked and reached out, grabbing Hajime’s hand._

~

For the first time in a long time, a time Hajime couldn’t remember ever feeling, he felt still, calm. He was relaxed to his core, everything loose and languid with a syrupy warmth. Hajime wanted to hold onto the sensation forever. Touching his chest, Hajime shut his eyes and curled back into his bed, feeling the covers twist around his legs. Sunlight filtered through his window, but Hajime didn’t want to get out of bed.

~

Sonia’s tone melted into Hajime’s morphing and twisting. One moment Nagito could hear Hajime and the other moment it was Sonia. It was a symphony in his head, crescendos and decrescendos. Everything swelled and paused, holding the notes, their voices in harmony. Nagito wanted to smash his head against something, anything to get rid of the sound. It ached in his mind, deconstructing his brain, curling and coiling. The sound touched everything, leaving splotchy fingerprints in the wake.

_His fault. His fault. Running away. Responsibilities._

_Accept. Accept. Accept._

_Admit. Admit. Admit._

Nagito gasped. A sour, tang, laced with a bitter undertone filled his mouth, coating his tongue, his throat in a clumpy, rancid concoction. Nagito wanted to swallow, to get rid of the taste, but it lingered, heavy and full, like a bitter orange. A sharp stab in his mind made Nagito smack his head against his pillow. It wasn’t satisfying or hard enough. Perhaps if he found a wall?

A laugh erupted from his throat the moment he thought that. How strange. Even when Enoshima was at her worse, Nagito had never wanted to smack his head against anything. Why now? Why was he so desperate to ease the symphony plaguing his mind?

_~~“Maybe, it’s because they’re right and you’re afraid?”~~ _

~

Hajime got out of bed when his body began to feel stagnant and stiff. Stretching leisurely and making sure to give breaks between his stretches, Hajime felt the blood flow through his limbs. Heading to his dresser, Hajime quickly changed, and went to his bathroom to wash his face.

Feeling refreshed and light, Hajime exited his cottage and went to the restaurant. Owari, and Sonia sat at the table, eating in silence.

There was no Komaeda.

Glancing around, Hajime waited to see if Komaeda would walk out of the kitchen, or was at the other side of the restaurant, but he wasn’t there. A bit of dread edged into his calm, but Hajime shoved that away. A bit of anger, hardened like volcanic rock, lumped in his stomach. Hajime shoved that away too.

“Good morning.” Hajime greeted.

“Good afternoon is more like it.” Owari corrected.

“Did you sleep well?” Sonia asked.

“Yes… I did.” Hajime admitted, sitting down.

Both beamed and Hajime felt a bit of a blush fill his cheeks. “Uh… so where are Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi?”

“They’re at the hospital.” Sonia replied, “Which, I saw Tsumiki earlier this morning. Her swelling is down and the bruises look better.”

The news made the dread erase completely from Hajime’s mind. “That’s great. I’ll go check on her later.” He paused, “Also… where’s Komaeda?”

Owari glanced at Sonia, who looked down at the table, twisting her hands, “Uh… I was with him yesterday…”

“He didn’t do anything, did he?” Hajime asked.

“No.” Sonia shook her head, “I just… I may have pushed a bit… he left the library and has been inside his cottage since. Souda and I checked earlier, using the master key. He was sleeping. Everything was fine.”

Oh. The squeeze in his chest vanished, “Thank you. He’s still there now?”

“Yes.” Sonia nodded.

“You should go see him.” Owari urged.

She was right. Despite any… lingering feelings he had towards Komaeda, Hajime couldn’t avoid Komaeda forever. “Right. I will… but I’ll check on Tsumiki first. If you don’t mind checking on Komaeda for me?”

“Sure.” Owari agreed, “I can do that. But first…” Her eyes narrowed, “You should eat.”

Right. He should take care of himself. Hajime felt his stomach churn a bit, empty. “Okay. Food first.”

~

_The room was warm, a mix of greens and browns. Sunlight filled the space, highlighting everyone. Nagito stared at the doorway, one hand on the door frame. Owari was arm wrestling with Nidai, Sonia and Souda yelling encouragement. Tanaka was posing, Koizumi’s camera flashing. Saionji was leaning in her chair, talking to Mioda as she tuned her guitar. Hanamura was laughing as Pekoyama pushed him away with her bamboo sword, Kuzuryuu’s face in his hands, groaning at something Hanamura had said. At the side sat the Imposter, shifting in the light and shadows. Nagito couldn’t pick a form out, but they were talking to Tsumiki, who was smiling, a bit of pink dusted across her cheeks as she replied._

_Something warm and rich consumed Nagito, a smile dancing on his face. The moment was perfect, something he wanted captured for all time. Sure, he was an outsider, but it was like seeing a picture of people having fun. He could only smile, fingers twitching at the edge of the door._

_“Why are you outside?” A voice asked, “Come inside.”_

_Nagito shifted his head and looked where the voice was coming from. A short girl stood there, wearing their school’s uniform. A short bob framed her face. Her hand was extended, the sleeves almost covering her palms as she stood there, smiling._

_“Well? You’re a part of this class too Komaeda-kun.” She said._

_“I…” Nagito stared at her. She didn’t drop her arm or her smile, but all Nagito could do was stare._

_Who was she?_

~

“Hajime!” Souda greeted with a wave of his screwdriver, “We were just wondering when you’d show up.”

“Did you sleep enough?” Kuzuryuu asked, eyes narrowed.

“Hello.” Hajime waved, “And, yes I did. Thank you for asking. I just came to check up on you Tsumiki.”

She smiled, “Thank you.” Her voice was small and a bit raspy, but she was talking.

True to what Sonia and Owari told him, her bruises were slowly fading, not quite as dark as he remembered. The swelling around her throat was down, and some of the smaller bruises were mutating to yellow and green. Tsumiki looked a million times better. Washing his hands and grabbing a pair of gloves, Hajime turned to them.

“Uh… I’ll just do a few tests…”

When the tests were done, Hajime chucked the gloves into the bin, “It’s all good. You know, I think in a couple of days we can discharge you should no complications arise.”

“R-Really?” Tsumiki’s excited tone came out squeaked, “That’s… g-great.”

“Yeah, we can have another party like when Komaeda…” Souda’s voice trailed.

“Uh... we had a beach party with karaoke.” Hajime quickly told her, “With food and drinks. It was fun. If you like, we can do that for you.”

Tsumiki nodded, but then looked down, hands twisting into the blankets, “J-just… uh…”

Her unfinished sentence spoke volumes above her voice’s abilities. Hajime filled the blanks out with ease, “Do you not want Komaeda there?”

Her cheeks pinked, but Hajime didn’t comment, “That makes sense. If you’re not comfortable seeing him…”

“I-Is… that o-okay?” Tsumiki asked, “W-would he f-forgive m-me? N-Not be u-upset?”

Kuzuryuu and Souda looked over at Hajime. Hajime bit his lip. Leaving Komaeda out blatantly wasn’t kind, but if Tsumiki was uncomfortable around him…

“Well technically he’s under house arrest.” Hajime mused, “Someone can step out of the party, or we can have shifts...” He shook his head, “But, we can worry about that later, once we know for sure you’ll be out of here, okay?”

“O-Okay.”

~

For the first time in a long time, a time Nagito couldn’t remember ever feeling, he felt still, calm. He was relaxed to his core, everything loose and languid with a syrupy warmth. Nagito wanted to hold onto the sensation forever. There was no Enoshima, no symphony of voices in his head. His mind felt like an untouched pond, pristine and still. Touching his chest, Nagito shut his eyes and curled back into his bed, feeling the covers twist around his legs. Sunlight filtered through his window, but Nagito didn’t want to get out of bed. The dream played in his mind, leaving a fuzzy, warm trail, until it got to the girl.

Who was she? Nagito tried to think, but the dream was fading around her. She was blurry, fading. He couldn’t even remember a distinct feature, let alone her name. All he could hear was her voice, inviting, welcoming.

It made his heart twist and braid around a surprising wave of sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Aid: While Pekoyama definitely knows First Aid, I also think Fuyuhiko would too. It would be foolish to have him completely dependent on her/ his Family.
> 
> Be good at manipulating: Something one of my (former) roommates actually has said to me. She hates when people are obviously manipulating her in arguments or conversations.
> 
> Sonia's Tale: I made the entire thing up. Of course, it's cliche and the twist really isn't a twist, but it's meant to be a folktale, with a moral attached. Also, I was inspired by the one story in XXXHolic (the pinkie finger one, which is one of my favourite scenes in the manga).
> 
> Bitter Orange: I have never eaten what Japan calls a sour orange until recently and I can firmly say that it is terrible. If it was just sour I could deal with it, but it also has this bitter aftertaste and it's awful. (So awful I actually went out after and bought a bag of mandarin oranges.)
> 
> Chiaki: I never, ever thought when I was writing and planning this story that I'd add in Chiaki, but here I am...


	13. Beaches in the Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished and I loved writing this chapter! There was something about it... maybe the calm carried over from the last chapter? Either way, I had a blast. Also I should apologize in advance if I don't update quickly within the next week. Ultra Despair Girls is going to be on Steam soon and I'm buying that in a heart beat. (Also I finally bought Fran Bow. After watching others play it... it's now my turn!)
> 
> As a brief warning for this chapter, it gets very, very lightly into eating disorders. Not too much, but heads up to everyone. I'll update my tags too.
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments, kudos, and bookmarks. Your support for this story baffles me a little and I can't believe how well it's done. So, thank you everyone. Please, enjoy this chapter! :)

Kuzuryuu and Souda finally left after a couple of hours. As soon as they left, Hajime got Tsumiki out of her bed, letting her walk around the hospital a bit. She had improved and was walking on her own with minimal help. It was uplifting. Despite what had happened, Tsumiki’s recovery was back on track. The bruises would fade, though her thoughts on Komaeda probably wouldn’t heal. Hajime would have to talk to her about that. She couldn’t keep avoiding Komaeda and Komaeda couldn’t keep avoiding her. It wasn’t possible.

“H-Hinata?” Tsumiki stammered.

“Yes?” He asked.

“T-Thank you.” She mumbled.

“You’re welcome.” Hajime automatically replied.

“I-I mean… f-for b-believing m-me…” Tsumiki turned, her balance swaying a bit, “K-Komaeda…” She looked away, “H-he t-thinks I’m l-lying…”

“Komaeda…” Hajime paused, “Perhaps we can sit down and talk about this? I’ve been meaning to do so anyways.”

“Y-you h-have?” Tsumiki’s eyes widened. “I-I’m so-sorry…”

“You were recovering.” Hajime firmly told her, “Let’s go to the kitchen?”

They walked into the kitchen, Hajime turning the lights on. Tsumiki sat down and Hajime followed, sitting across from her. He could hear Komaeda’s words, his disbelief that Tsumiki was fine, that she was hiding her Despair from them. He didn’t doubt that Komaeda was telling the truth, but like all stories, perspectives were muted and shifted by the person. Hearing what Tsumiki would say could help him understand and hopefully help solve the situation for the better.

“Could you tell me what happened?” Hajime asked.

“O-Okay…” Tsumiki took a deep breath, “I w-was s-sleeping and s-suddenly he w-was in the r-room. H-he said I-I was l-lying a-about not b-being in D-Despair.” She swallowed, “L-like my t-trial.”

Hajime waited, watching Tsumiki swallow thickly a few times before she continued. “W-when I d-didn’t a-answer he h-hit me… s-said I c-can’t f-fool him.” She shut her eyes, “H-he w-wanted m-me to look a-at the f-file’s p-pictures.”

Great. Hajime held his tongue and softly inhaled and exhaled, keeping his emotions in check.

“H-he s-said more t-things… a-about lying… a-and a-attention s-seeking… before h-he t-tried to s-strangle m-me… but O-Owari a-and e-everyone c-came…”

“Thank you Tsumiki.” Hajime reached for her hand, grabbing it tightly, “I’m not going to defend any of Komaeda’s actions. That was horrible of him. I will let you know though, he’s been hearing Enoshima’s voice in his mind.”

“E-Enoshima?” Tsumiki repeated, her voice barely a whisper, her eyes widening. She gripped Hajime’s hand tighter.

“Yes…” Hajime nodded, “He’s been… more aggressive because of this… I’m sorry he went after you.”

“I-It’s n-not your f-fault.” Tsumiki told him, looking at Hajime.

“Thank you.” Hajime smiled, “It’s merely an explanation, not an excuse for his behaviour or actions.”

“O-Okay… thank you…” Tsumiki gripped his hand tighter.

~

Nagito got out of bed before the sun was up, when the air was still cool and still. He didn’t bother changing, though he did comb his hair, before he exited his cottage, walking over to Souda’s. Having only one arm was inconvenient. Sure, Nagito could do a lot of things still, but he’d grown accustomed to his arm. Though, what if Hinata said he couldn’t have his arm back? Would he do that? Would he need to make a case to why he should have his left arm back? Shoving the worries aside and without ceremony, he knocked loudly, stepping back after he knocked a few times on the door. A shuffled was heard behind and it took an while before Souda opened the door, rubbing his eyes, yawning and looking at Nagito.

“K-Komaeda?” He asked through a yawn, “It’s early.”

“One day won’t kill you.” Nagito replied before he waved his left arm, “Can I have my arm back?”

Souda blinked before his eyes widened slightly, “Oh… oops… uh… sure… come inside.”

That was easy. Nagito stepped inside. On the floor were various metal parts, some of them put together, others in pieces on a dirty looking cloth. A toolkit sat open with various things inside, all out of order. The entire room smelt like warm metal, sweat, and grease.

“Here,” Souda was holding his arm, “I took the liberty of fixing some stuff up…” Souda shuffled, “Sit down on the bed, I’ll put it back on for you.”

“That’s kind of you.” Nagito did as Souda asked before he pointed to the floor, “What are you making?”

“Ah well way back when… back when you were still in the hospital, Hajime asked if I could make some sort of communication device.” Souda replied, brightening up, “You still got your rudimentary one, but I’m trying to find a way to use radio waves… but first I got to create them…” He blushed, “Sorry… that was… boring…”

“No… that’s interesting.” Nagito would have had no idea where to start.

“Thanks…” Souda knelt beside Nagito’s left arm, “Lift your arm please.”

Nagito did as Souda asked and watched as Souda moved, fluidly, smoothly, adjusting things as he went. When he finished, Nagito lifted his arm, feeling the familiar weight.

“Bend your arm.” Souda instructed, “Good… now… lift your arm… okay… reach for this…”

Following Souda’s instructions, Nagito did as he was told with ease. Souda stood up and nodded, dusting his pants off, “Okay, you’re good. Now, go. I want sleep.”

“Thanks, Souda.” Nagito waved his arm, “I’ll leave you to that.”

Souda didn’t wait for Nagito to leave. He immediately crawled under his covers, curling up. Nagito was almost tempted to reach over and tickle his sides, see if Souda would react. He walked out instead, shutting the door behind him.

He wasn’t sure if someone was going to follow him, but he was willing to bet he wouldn’t see Sonia for a while. Her words suddenly wiggled in his mind, the story surfacing.

_“His fault… running away… have to accept…”_

Nagito sharply exhaled and closed his eyes. The pain that had accompanied the words earlier was fading into nothing, dripping into a pool in his stomach, slowly seeping into a cold sensation that was comforting, not sharp or painful.

_“Maybe… they’re right…?”_

A dizzy spell hit Nagito for a moment and he staggered, rubbing his head. What was that? He frowned, digging in his mind, waiting for something: Sonia’s words, Hinata’s words, Enoshima… whatever he just thought… but nothing. Shaking his head, Nagito started to walk with no destination in mind.

~

Hajime woke up in the hospital’s on-call room. Despite no clock, he could sense it was morning. Stretching he got up and went to wash up. Finishing quickly, he then went to make something to eat, something light, and carried a tray to Tsumiki’s room. She was still sleeping. Hajime set the tray on the table and began to eat his share, munching softly on an apple slice, letting the serene nature of the morning fill his mind. Tsumiki was stable and he had slept well. Taking the small victories, Hajime let his mind numb, just focusing on eating.

He was finishing his share when Tsumiki woke, yawning and stretching before she noticed him.

“G-good morning H-Hinata.” She greeted.

“Good morning.” Hajime looked up, “Sleep well?”

“Y-yes.” She sat up, “I-Is that?”

“For you.” Hajime shoved the plate over, “If you want anything more, I can make it.”

“T-thank you.” She accepted the plate.

~

Nagito ended up at the beach house. The sun was shining directly over head, making his jacket feel heavy and warm. His shoes had become a prison of heat, trapping his feet in a sauna. Nagito rolled his sleeves up and carefully took his shoes off once he got to the beach, stuffing his socks inside. The sand under his feet was hot, the grains sticking to his soles, but the wind picked up, cooling the top of his feet.

Walking carefully, Nagito curled his feet in the sand, feeling the warmth soak into his skin. The smell of salt filled the area, and the ocean calmly lapped at the edges of the beach, smooth and clear. Nagito walked until he was at the edge, staring out into the vast blue.

How far was the main land from here? Nagito cocked his head. How removed from the world were they? He closed his eyes and imagined the journey back, moving away from the island, leaving everyone behind, just himself. Maybe that was for the best. He could be alone, just like he always was, with no one to hurt, no one to break…

 _“Isn’t that just running away?”_ A soft voice asked in his mind.

“Running away?” Nagito mused to himself, “There are other ways to solve problems besides confrontation.”

 _“You mean by removing yourself from the equation?”_ The voice asked. _“Didn’t you already try that by attempting suicide?”_

The tone was matter of fact, not poking at anything. Nagito still felt a small tinge in his heart. This was where it started, his mistake of kissing Hinata during his recovery party… then the start of hearing Enoshima’s voice…

 _“I don’t think leaving here will help.”_ The voice kindly supplied.

“You don’t?” Nagito questioned, “I wouldn’t leave suddenly. I’d apologize properly to everyone beforehand. Isn’t it better that way? One small good moment to be remembered by?”

_“But would that make you happy?”_

“Happy?” Nagito blinked. “I don’t understand.”

 _“Happy to be lonely.”_ The voice clarified. _“I don’t think anyone wants to be lonely.”_

“Everyone wants to be alone sometimes.” Nagito replied, “It’s just some people should be left alone always…”

_“I didn’t say alone. There is a difference between being alone and lonely. Alone is a choice, a chance for us to recharge. Lonely is where we don’t want to be by ourselves, where we want friends…”_

_Don’t want to be…_ Nagito slowly sat down, extending his feet, letting the tips of the ocean lap at his toes, “I’ve seen what happens when I’m with people. I…” He paused, “I’m… I just can’t do people. I can’t… socialize…”

 _“So, you think that means you don’t deserve friends?”_ The voice sounded almost sad.

Something from the words jabbed Nagito harshly in the side. He frowned, “Listen… voice in my head… when I interact with people they end up hating me.”

 _“They never said hate.”_ The voice reminded him, _“You just were doing horrible things. They told you because they care about you.”_

“Do they?” Nagito almost hissed, “All I’ve gotten is it’s my fault. I’m the one to blame.”

The wind picked up a bit and Nagito felt a laugh bubble at his lips. What was he doing? He was sitting on a beach, talking to himself, arguing with himself. Didn’t Enoshima tell him that was not a good sign? He really was hopeless.

 _“Is that really so bad?”_ The voice suddenly asked, _“Admitting you made mistakes? We all make mistakes, even if sometimes they’re really horrible.”_

Nagito’s throat was suddenly dry, he tried to swallow, but the attempt hurt. He coughed a bit. Mistakes… his fault…

  _Maybe, they’re right??_

 _“You know, people will always make mistakes.”_ The voice started slowly, _“It’s how we grow and develop. No one is born with the perfect ability to get along with people. We all got to learn how to do it…”_ The voice paused, _“Even if it’s challenging, we got to face our flaws and accept them. It helps us become better people towards others. Change sometimes comes when we have other’s support.”_

Accept them… accept… accept…

Nagito buried his face in his knees, drawing them closer to his chest. The wind stopped and the heat from the sun filtered down harshly upon him. Nagito stuck his feet into the water, letting the juxtaposed feeling of cool and hot wash over him.

_Maybe, they’re right…_

~

Afternoon shifted into evening, the light scattering, creating red toned hues that painted the sky vibrantly. Hajime exited the hospital and breathed deeply, tasting twilight and dusk. Rolling his shoulders, he stretched a bit before continuing his walk to the bridge. His stomach rolled and turned, demanding food with plenty of sharp stabs and aches. Hajime picked his pace up, passing the bridge to the second island. Perhaps he should stock food up at the diner later… save himself a trip. The air had cooled considerably by the time Hajime returned to the hotel. He headed to the restaurant, taking the side stairs, and walked inside, only to freeze.

Komaeda was sitting at a table, alone, the only one in the restaurant. A plate filled with nothing but bread sat in front of him, along with a glass of water. As Hajime walked closer, he spotted an orange peel. Komaeda’s back faced him and a book was in front of him, though he was idly turning the pages, flipping back and forth between one. The question whether to engage with Komaeda should have been easily answered. After their last talk… Komaeda wouldn’t want to do that and Hajime didn’t want any arguments… but if that was what he called dinner, Hajime would swallow his discomfort and introduce Komaeda to the food pyramid.

“Please tell me you aren’t only eating bread and an orange for dinner.” Hajime sighed.

Immediately Komaeda whipped his head around, eyes widening. Hajime waited. This was it. Would Komaeda argue? Try to start something? Hajime’s heart twisted and he sent a silent wish for a civil conversation.

“Um… yes?” Komaeda managed.

His plead was answered. At least, so far. Hajime exhaled. “That’s not healthy. I’ll make us both something.”

Komaeda blinked, “It’s okay. I’m fine.” He stood up, “I’ll leave you. Have a nice dinner.”

Distantly, softly, Hajime heard Komaeda’s stomach churn. He shuffled and looked down. Hajime moved, standing in his path, “No. Stay. You’re hungry. I’ll cook us something.”

A flash appeared in Komaeda’s eyes, a hot white light, before his pupils widened, “You…” He relaxed a bit, “Did you pull a talent out to figure that out? Or am I too obvious?”

Hajime shrugged. Did he pull a talent out? If so, it slipped through the cracks, “Doesn’t matter. You’re hungry. I’m hungry, let’s make something.”

“Together?” Komaeda asked, “Don’t you hate me?” He shuffled a bit closer, “That’s okay if you do. Sonia does too.”

Komaeda barely bat an eye as he spoke, his voice even. Something, perhaps leftovers from their last conversation, bubbled. Hajime shoved it away. Commenting would only reopen conversations he didn’t want to have. Picking his battles was a good idea.

“I don’t hate you.” Hajime raised an eyebrow. “I already told you how I feel. Hate, isn’t a part of that.” Hajime replied, before he nudged Komaeda closer to the kitchen, “Come on, let’s make something.”

“Together?” Komaeda snapped rigidly in place, “You want me with you?” He paused, “Then again, I’m still under house arrest, yes?”

Hajime rolled his eyes, “That and I want you to actually be present when the food is done.”

“…Fine…” Komaeda huffed, “Do I get a say in what you’ll be forcing down my throat?”

“No,” Hajime replied, “Because your choice so far has been bread and an orange.”

Komaeda blinked, but said nothing, following Hajime into the kitchen. Turning the lights on, Hajime bustled, pulling things out, staring at the fridge. Perhaps a stir-fry. It was quick and easy. Pulling the ingredients out, Hajime looked. Komaeda was frozen by the counter. Hajime lifted an onion and some carrots.

“Here, wash these,” Hajime shook the bag with the carrots, “Peel them, and cut them into medallions.”

“You’re trusting me with a knife?” Komaeda asked, but he still grabbed the carrots.

“Should I be wary?” Hajime countered.

“I don’t know, should you?” Komaeda retorted.

“Are we playing the rhetorical question game?” Hajime grabbed the broccoli and some chicken.

“Maybe?” Komaeda began to wash the carrots, “You’re the one who started it. You could just answer me properly with a yes.”

“A yes?” Hajime shut the fridge, “You think I should be warry of you with a knife.”

“It seems logical.” Komaeda turned to the counter, grabbing the cutting board, “Given my track record with sharp pointy objects.”

“That would imply I should be more worried about you than me.” Hajime dryly pointed out, “And unless you want to bleed all over our dinner, you’ll just chop up the carrots.”

Komaeda cracked a small smile, “Fine, fine.”

He began to work. Hajime grabbed a smaller onion and started to peel it, before he grabbed a second cutting board and began to chop it up finely. Finishing quickly, Hajime began to cut up the mushrooms, the broccoli, and then the daikon. Setting it to the side, he grabbed some chicken and chopped it up before heading to the stove.

“What should I do with this?” Komaeda waved the knife lazily to the carrots.

“Leave them on the cutting board.” Hajime replied. “We’ll add that after the chicken is cooked.”

“Okay.”

Hajime focused on cooking the chicken. When it all started to turn white and brown a bit, he turned to Komaeda, “Could you bring the chopped onion over?”

Komaeda silently did as Hajime asked. Hajime oved over to give Komaeda the space to dump the onions into the pan. They sizzled and the oil jumped a bit, hitting Hajime’s arm. He winced and angled his hand a bit.

Without a word, Komaeda suddenly pried the spatula from Hajime’s hand with his left one. Hajime could feel him, his heat, trapped by the ridiculous long coat he always wore and the pants. Komaeda hummed a bit and began to stir as well as the angle allowed him to. Hajime moved, feeling a bit of a flush fill his cheeks at being the cause of the awkward angle.

“Thanks.” Hajime said.

“… you’re welcome.” Komaeda muttered.

Leaving Komaeda to the pan, Hajime gathered the rest of their vegetables into a single bowl and moved the knives and cutting boards into the sink. Glancing at the onions, which didn’t take long to get translucent, Hajime tapped Komaeda lightly on the shoulder and added the rest of the vegetables slowly. He then grabbed a bit of water and added it to the pan.

“We’ll let that steam a bit.” Hajime told him. “Could you grab a lid? Bottom shelf.” Hajime pointed.

Komaeda knelt and retrieved the lid, putting it on the pan.

“Thank you.” Hajime automatically said.

Now that they didn’t need to hover around the stove, Hajime moved to wash the dishes, making sure the water was warm. Out of his peripheral, Hajime noted Komaeda, leaning against the counter, occasionally lifting the lid to the pan. Despite the water and the sound of cooking, the place never felt so silent. It was like an invisible wall was separating them, trying to form a distance. Hajime rinsed one of the cutting boards and set it on the drying rack. This was not good. He couldn’t just let them stand in silence.

“I…”

“Hinata.” Komaeda cut him off at the same time he started, “I got a question.”

“Yes?” Hajime snapped his jaw shut.

“Do you have a picture of my class?” Komaeda asked.

That was not anything Hajime expected to hear. He blinked, “Your… class? From Hopes Peak?” He tried to think. There was probably something on the island, “I guess we do? I’m not sure… it’s probably in the library.”

“You mean you haven’t catalogued the entire library?” Komaeda raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t think that was a pressing matter.” Hajime sighed, “But why the sudden interest?”

Komaeda looked away. Hajime shouldn’t have asked. He turned to start washing the other cutting board.

“I had a dream.” Komaeda answered. Hajime nearly dropped the board back into the sink. “I now want clarification.”

“Oh… okay.” Hajime gamely replied. That was more than he expected Komaeda to say.

“The food looks done.” Komaeda suddenly pointed to the pan, “Please don’t burn our dinner.”

Hajime dropped the cutting board into the sink and walked over. Komaeda was probably right. Opening the lid, Hajime pulled a pair of chopsticks out and grabbed a carrot, sampling it. It was soft. He shut the heat off.

“I got some rice in the fridge. We can just throw that into the microwave.” Hajime pointed.

Komaeda went over and dutifully grabbed the bowl of rice for Hajime. After adding a bit of water to it, Komaeda put it into the microwave. Hajime grabbed some bowls, two small ones for them and one for the stir-fry. Transferring it over, Hajime waited for the microwave to beep.

When everything was served they sat at a table, across from each other. The silence was back, as well as the wall, but this time, a bit of distance was closing. It made Hajime’s heart flutter. He hid his smile and began to eat.

~

Eating with Hinata made his heart flutter, pound a steady, slow, but powerful beat into his chest. It was like a taiko drum, the sound so low it resonated through his bones, making everything vibrate. Nagito hadn’t expected Hinata’s compassion, or general concern over his well-being.

_Maybe he’s just being nice… maybe he is doing it out of obligation… pity? Pity is such a hard pill to swallow, yes?_

_No… Hinata is honest and… even if it is pity he isn’t looking down on him. It’s also because Hinata cares…_

Nagito clung to the last thought and continued to eat. The first thought slowly faded in his mind and the fluttering in his stomach doubled.

~

_“You’re back.”_

_Hajime looked around. They weren’t in the school or the dark room with the machinery. They were in a cross between a café and a bar. The place was dimly lit with tasteful couches and tables decorating the floor. Some music played in the background, a soothing jazz, and people were milling around._

_Kamukura was sitting on a couch, closer to the corner, legs drawn up. He looked like a model that conveniently flopped into a graceful pose. Not that Hajime thought he was trying to pose. Walking over he sat at the other end, angling himself so he could face Kamukura, but still sitting properly._

_“This is my dream.” Hajime informed him, “Why this place?”_

_“Cafés and bars are like crossroads.” Kamukura answered, “People wander in, they may stay, they can go… it’s an endless, seamless cycle.”_

_“So, is that what this is?” Hajime asked, “Our meeting is a chance encounter? Why then, have you appeared so many times in my dreams? Why bother having me chase you?”_

_Kamukura slowly blinked, “That’s a boring question. You should know the answer.”_

_He should? Hajime sunk into the couch. Did he have to try and use mental energy to answer an ambiguous question in his own dream? That seemed rather unfair._

_“Giving you, the answer makes it too easy.” Kamukura said with an uncanny accuracy. “It’s something you need to discover on your own.”_

_What was this, a philosophical journey? Hajime sighed. The couch shifted and he looked up, only to see Kamukura leaning closer to him, staring. His hand reached out and grazed Hajime’s face. A small knit in his brow, barely noticeable, marred the space between his eyes. Kamukura’s mouth twitched slightly._

_“It’s not difficult.” Kamukura’s voice almost dipped down into frustration, “Hinata…”_

~

What was Kamukura going to say? Hajime stared at the ceiling of his cottage, his mind floating between the dream and waking. Kamukura’s words surfaced, like oil in water. Was it true? Was whatever answer to his question simply given by pondering it enough? Hajime groaned. It was too early for this… even if Kamukura said the answer was easy.

Groaning, Hajime got up and started to get ready. He’d have time to ponder later. For now, he had to visit Tsumiki and start his day.

~

Hajime read the report one more time before he looked up and smiled at Tsumiki, “I think, we can discharge you by tomorrow.”

“R-really?!” Tsumiki’s voice rose.

“Yeah! Party time!” Owari cheered in the corner. “Oh, and we can decorate your cabin too!”

“M-my cabin?” Tsumiki stared.

“Yeah, our own space in the hotel.” Owari nodded, “We got one for you. We can help clean it up and stuff.”

Hajime nodded, “Yes. Anything you want, let us know. We’ll help.”

Tsumiki nodded a bit dizzily and stared at her hands, curling her fingers into her robe, before she looked up, “Um… c-could I-I… s-see the c-cabin today?”

Owari looked over at Hajime which got Tsumiki to look over at him too. There was no harm in letting her see. In fact, it would probably be beneficial for her to have a long trip out of the hospital. It was just… Hajime bit his lip. Would Komaeda be around? Again, he was aware they couldn’t keep the two from seeing each other, but easing Tsumiki back into it would be for the best. Error on the side of caution…

“Ah I see.” Owari suddenly said, “Why don’t I go ahead of you? I’ll let the rest know you’re coming to visit.” She stood up and gave Hajime a quick glance, patted his shoulder, and left.

Hajime exhaled. It seemed Owari read his mind. Looking back at Tsumiki he stood up and extended his hand, “Well, let’s get you some proper clothes. Unless you want to stay in the robe?”

“A-Ah… n-no…” Tsumiki shook her head, “T-thanks…”

They walked down the hospital hall to another room with a small selection of clothes. Hajime let Tsumiki walk in and pick. She ended up picking a sundress, light and not constricting. Politely Hajime shut the door and waited outside as she changed. When she knocked timidly on the door, he opened it. Seeing Tsumiki standing properly, bruises all but healed, and healthy, Hajime couldn’t help the smile and lift in his heart.

“Let’s get going, shall we?” Hajime asked.

“O-Okay.”

~

The others all but pounced on Tsumiki when they arrived. Owari was no where to be seen, but Komaeda was also not present. Hajime let Sonia and Souda practically drag Tsumiki to her cabin, opening it, chatting, and gesturing wildly. Kuzuryuu followed them, grumbling, but a soft look gracing his face. Hajime waited until they were inside, before he went to find Owari. Closing his eyes, he carefully pulled a talent out, one that helped him guess where they’d go. Staying around the hotel was ruled out; Tsumiki could want to explore. Instead, Hajime exited. The beach was also excluded. He didn’t see Komaeda as they crossed the bridge. Picking his pace up, he walked towards the ranch. Owari was sitting on the fence, staring out at an empty field. Komaeda was leaning beside her.

“… look it’s okay if you hate me too.” Komaeda’s voice carried in the wind.

Hajime paused. Was he still going on about them hating him? Disappointment and upset was not hate…

“You’re so full of shit.” Owari replied, rubbing her head, “Look, I know Sonia told you, so I’m going to tell you too. We don’t hate you. You’re … a decent guy when you’re not shoving all your problems onto Haji. We were upset. That’s not hate. We want you to be better, but it’s hard when you keep trampling on that idea.”

It seemed Hajime didn’t need to step in. He stood still, waiting to see what Komaeda would do. Owari’s health was improving every day. She would take him down if he tried anything.

Komaeda snorted, “That’s all I’m hearing now… it’s my fault. All my fault… accept, accept.” His voice trailed off, choking a bit at the end, “I… if I do that… I… can’t…”

“Can’t or won’t?” Owari calmly countered, “You know, eating disorders whisper lies to you too. Tell you all sorts of things… mainly that you’re fine, you’re in control. But I wasn’t. I was a slave to the lies. I had to relearn accepting myself. My body is beautiful. I don’t have to starve to be happy.”

Hajime watched as Komaeda leaned a bit harder against the fence, clutching both hands tightly. (It seemed Souda had a visit.) Everything was civil. There was no reason for him to stay, but he wanted to listen, hear what Owari was saying.

“Are you afraid that if you accept the bad things we’ll all leave you?” Owari softly posed.

Komaeda snapped upright, whipping his body around to look at Owari. Hajime nearly jumped. The action was so quick, so jagged, like a puppet being jerked up by invisible strings. Owari barely moved, merely tilting her head up.

“We won’t.” Owari firmly said.

Before Hajime could move, Komaeda turned to leave. Their eyes met, wide grey-blue eyes staring back at Hajime, swirling like a storm out on the sea. Hajime didn’t move. There was something beyond the storm, in the center, something raw, bleeding, exposed. It made his heart jerk, like being pulled by a fishing hook. Hajime wanted to gather Komaeda up. The tightrope Komaeda was balancing on was snapping, fried at the ends. Komaeda would fall, but this time, perhaps, Hajime wasn’t supposed to stop Komaeda from falling, but rather, be there to help break the landing.

“Komaeda…” Hajime started to say.

Komaeda fled. Hajime didn’t think. He followed.

~

_“We won’t…”_

They wouldn’t leave him? Nagito ran, ran from the words, from the calm of Owari, the stare of Hinata. It hurt… the look Hinata was giving him. He probably wasn’t aware, of how his two-toned eyes both pierced and soothed him at the same time, how his mouth was open, downturned, arm half raised, trying to reach him.

How humiliating. It was bad enough that Owari had joined the bandwagon of “advice”, but that Hinata had heard added to the humiliation.

_“Yeah, he already pities you… now that pity just skyrocketed, huh?”_

Was that Enoshima? Nagito didn’t have the energy to care. Why did it matter in the end if it was his voice or it if was Enoshima? The truth had to come from somewhere…

“Komaeda, wait!”

Why was he following him? Nagito’s heart spiked with fear. The last time Hinata followed him he accidently ruined everything by having no impulse control. He tried to run faster, but it was inevitable that Hinata would catch up to him, gently stop him in his tracks. Nagito flinched and tried to squirm, but Hinata easily dodged his flailing body and limbs.

“Just… go away…” Nagito tried, “I don’t want your pity.”

Hinata’s arms wrapped around him, curling around his shoulders. Nagito was forced to stop, gasping for air.

“Now it’s pity?” Hinata groaned, “I’m not pitying you. I told you already. I want to help you.”

 _“Hinata’s being honest… you’re just running away if you keep accusing him of things.”_ The same voice he heard when he was at the beach piped up.

“I’m not…” Nagito snapped at this new voice. Who was it anyways? It was worse than Enoshima. It left his hair raised, everything ruffled and bristled. “I’m not running…”

“Running?” Hinata cut in, “Are you hearing Enoshima again?”

Nagito wiggled hard, giving up on running. That didn’t mean he was going to let Hinata hold him down. Hinata got the message and let go. Scowling, Nagito glared at him, “Does it matter to you? For what it’s worth it isn’t Enoshima, okay?”

Why did he admit that? Nagito nearly smacked his head, “Look, just… go back to… not hating me… being upset at me. Whatever you guys want to call it.”

Hajime returned the sharp gaze, not quite a glare, but borderline, “The way you’re wording things, you’re telling me you don’t care what we feel towards you, but that’s wrong. You’re not okay with this. Other wise you wouldn’t have left Owari.”

Why did his words always hurt him the most? Everyone else could say things, like Sonia and Owari, but hearing it from Hinata always hurt just a bit more, cut in a bit deeper. Nagito scowled to hide the pain as best as he could. His vision blurred a bit, his body swaying.

_Accept… accept… his fault..._

“Komaeda?” Hinata’s voice was too close.

“Go away.” Nagito tried to snap. His voice sounded more like soggy paper.

“Uh… I can’t.” Hinata replied slowly.

Nagito looked up sharply, ignoring the spinning, to ask why, but he saw why. His left arm was curled around Hinata’s arm, pulling him closer to him. Suddenly Nagito was conscious of the heat Hinata was giving off, the smell of something warm coming off him. He dryly swallowed and tried to let go, but his arm wasn’t communicating properly. Was it broken? Didn’t Souda just fix it?

“Komaeda?” Hinata said again.

“Just…”

Nagito forced air into his lungs and somehow got his right hand to move, to pry his metal fingers off Hinata’s arm. As he worked, he kept brushing Hinata’s skin. It sent tingles down his spine, dancing along his back.

“Here let me help.” Hinata lifted his other hand and touched Nagito’s.

The tingles increased, stronger and harsher than before. Nagito nearly slapped Hinata’s hand from his, but he didn’t have the strength. Together, they removed his left hand from Hinata’s arm, the metal falling limply to his side. Hinata’s hand was still on his other hand, warm, fingers curled together. They were… holding hands. Nagito’s cheeks burned and he pulled away, feeling both relief and disappointment melting together.

“So…” Hinata fumbled a bit, “Tomorrow I’m discharging Tsumiki from the hospital. We’re going to have get together, except…”

Nagito’s brain jumped, filling in the sentence, thankful for a distraction, “She doesn’t want me present.”

“Um… yes.” Hinata confirmed.

“That’s fine.” Nagito said. If anyone on the island hated him, it had to be Tsumiki. None of the rewording, dodging Sonia and Hinata were doing, “I’ll stay out of trouble and your way.”

“We aren’t leaving you alone for the entire night.” Hinata pressed, “Someone will come by, give you food. I’ll be cooking a lot and it wouldn’t be right for you to not eat some.”

How… clumsy of Hinata. If he wanted to say they wished to keep an eye on him, Hinata could be honest. “Fine.”

Nagito shrugged. No sense getting upset. It was logical. He wasn’t going to argue.

~

Tsumiki’s room was half decorated by the time Hajime returned. Sonia was sitting on the bed, arranging some pillows. Souda was doing something with the AC unit, his toolkit on the ground by his feet. Owari was moving a bookcase, while Kuzuryuu was holding a pile of books. Tsumiki was sitting on the ground, looking at some more books, reading the covers, separating them into piles.

“Hey Haji.” Owari waved, “Help me with this bookshelf?”

“Uh sure.” Hajime kicked his shoes off and walked over.

“Grab this end.” Owari instructed.

With ease, Hajime grabbed the other end of the shelf, following Owari’s lead as they slowly wobbled over to the corner by the desk. Fiddling with the arrangement for a moment, they finally set the bookshelf down. Hajime stepped back a bit, to see if it was not crooked.

“Thanks Haji.” Owari wrapped an arm around Hajime’s shoulders.

“No problem.” Hajime replied.

Owari leaned closer, “Hey, Hajiji, I was wondering…” Her voice lowered, “Is Komaeda okay?”

Hajime shifted his gaze slightly to Tsumiki. She was talking to Kuzuryuu, holding some books up. She didn’t hear and probably wouldn’t be listening to them. He lowered his voice too, leaning a bit closer to Owari.

“He’s fine, though a bit conflicted. We talked.”

“Okay…” Owari pursed her lips, “He seems hellbent on us hating him… I don’t know how to fix that.”

“It…” Hajime paused. “It’s easier to categorize hate. He wants it to be cut and dry.”

“I see…” Owari muttered before perking up a bit, “Well we’ll just have to be here to prove him wrong!” She slapped Hajime’s back and pulled away, “Thanks for the help again Haji.” She said a bit louder.

Hajime rubbed his shoulder, “You’re welcome.”

~

_He was back at the classroom door, staring at the polished wood. His hand was outstretched, waiting to curl around the handle, slide the door open, but was trapped. Nagito tried to move, to get his muscles to cooperate, but it was like shoving a pipe of solid metal. A laugh wormed its way through his lips, light, but soured at the last note, leaving a burning tingle on his lips._

_Why did he want to go inside anyways? No one wanted him there, a part of the class. He was better off away, not involved, a small patch of moss on an otherwise perfect tree._

_“What are you waiting for?”_

_He turned. It was the girl again, wearing the same clothes, with the same short bob. Her bangs were pulled back by a clip and a small almost cat like knapsack was slung over her back._

_“Do you want to go in together?” She asked._

_Did he? Nagito tried to speak, but nothing came out._

_“Let’s go.” She reached for the handle._

_Nagito’s hand snapped to life, the one that had been hovering in the air. He reached for her, grabbing her arm. She paused and turned, cocking her head._

_“You want to open the door?” She supplied._

_“I…” Nagito relocated his voice._

_“Or you don’t want to go inside?” She asked, “Are you afraid?”_

_A warm smile filled her face She turned and gently grabbed both of Nagito’s hands, pressing them between her own. Pulling him closer she leaned in, like she wanted to hug him, but wasn’t sure how to do so without both arms._

_“It’s fine. We’re together. And everyone is waiting for you. We can do this.” She added with a positive beat._

_Could they? Nagito wanted to dispute her words, but he couldn’t find his voice again._

~

She appeared in his dream again, warm, nice, compassionate. Nagito laughed, his heart stinging and burning. What was wrong with him? First, Enoshima whispering her poisonous words, and then this girl whispering the antidote. Nagito laughed again, harsher, brutal like the stabs of a knife.

This was ridiculous. Nagito sat up, feeling the thin covers pool around his hips. Why couldn’t his mind just settle on something? Either have Enoshima whispering her poisonous truths, or have this girl sweetly administer the antidote.

_(“Do you really miss me?”)_

_(“It’s fine. We’re together.”)_

_(“They hate you, everyone is lying to you.”)_

_(“You know, people will always make mistakes._ ”)

_(“You’re just waiting for someone to save you.”)_

_(“Accept your flaws, learn how to fix them and be a better person.”)_

_(“Everyone will leave you.”)_

_(“Change sometimes comes when we have other’s support.”)_

_(“Will leave…”)_

_(_ _“Accept.”_ _)_

_(“Will leave…”)_

_(_ _“Accept.”_ _)_

Nagito closed his eyes and rubbed them before forcing himself to sit up and get out of bed. Blood rushed downward and he felt his systems slowly wake up, muting the maelstrom, leaving a cellophane layer of peace.

~

It was almost refreshing spending a day in the kitchen. Hajime liked the routine, the flow of motion. Cooking was a talent he could easily pull out and get lost in. He hummed as he worked, a mindless tune. Hajime wasn’t sure where it was from, but it was comforting. The day slipped by him like this, cooking, relaxing, stress leaving his body.

By the time Souda walked in, announcing his presence with the smell of oil and metal, Hajime was adding the final dish to the rather impressive basket, wrapping a cloth on the top.

“Wow, a picnic basket.” Souda grinned, “You should have told me. I could have gotten a red cape.”

Hajime raised an eyebrow, “Does that make me your mother in this case? What is Tsumiki then, your Granny?”

Souda chortled, doubling over, “Well you do have ‘Ultimate Mothering’ as a talent…”

“Just take the basket.” Hajime sighed. “And be careful, some of the dishes are still hot.”

“Yes mom.” Souda said with a nod, “Though we are missing the wolf and the huntsman… maybe Owari could be the wolf?”

“The full cast.” Hajime rolled his eyes, walking up to Souda, “Though I don’t know if you’d fit the part of Little Red Riding Hood.”

“My hair fits the part.” Souda countered.

Hajime stared, “I’d call that pink…”

“Little Pink Spikey Hair.” Souda concluded, “Sounds like a new classic.”

Hajime snorted, “Let’s go before everyone wonders where we are.”

“Right, speaking of everyone, have you seen Komaeda today?” Souda asked.

“Komaeda?” Hajime repeated, “No, I’ve been cooking all day. Why? Is something wrong?” Great and he was happy in his little bubble of peace.

“Oh, no nothing wrong.” Souda flailed a bit, “Just you know… Tsumiki…”

His bubble contorted into an oval, but remained unbroken. Hajime exhaled, “I’ll go find him. In fact, you go on ahead of me. I’ll find Komaeda and see you all later, okay?”

“Okay.” Souda waved, “We’re going to be in Jabberwock Park. Come find us later.”

Nodding, Hajime set off to the first place he could think of finding Komaeda; his cottage. Knocking on the door, Hajime waited, but there was nothing. He’d have to look elsewhere.

Leaving the hotel, Hajime started on the path, going in a large loop around the first island, checking the market, their (relatively useless) airport, and the ranch, before heading to the bridge and beach. He’d have to check the beach next. The smell of brine and salt hit his nose, but there was nothing except some palm tress, a lone crab waddling, and the sound of waves.

To the main island it was… Hajime carefully skirted around the edges of the party, not wanting to appear. If he did all he’d want to do is celebrate with Tsumiki, when he should find Komaeda first. Carefully, Hajime pulled a talent out, a combination of luck, navigation, and investigation that rolled in his hand like a peeled peach covered with almonds, and headed to the third island.

It felt like a violation of his rule to not go by the hospital, but Hajime concluded differently. The last place Tsumiki would want to go was the third island, at least for a while. Everyone would also want to avoid it because of the time spent going to the hospital. If there was an island to be avoided in the moment, the third was it.

Walking into the first place Hajime could see, he opened the door to the theatre. The lobby was bare, with plush red carpet and a concession that never sold a single snack. Heading in deeper, Hajime walked into the theatre.

Komaeda was sitting at the very back in the corner. A movie was playing, something foreign with tons of movement, dancing, and singing. The entire colour scheme was a bit dull, a product of an older time, but there was a vibrancy in the characters, a charm. Hajime’s brain immediately picked the title.

“Hey,” He walked over, “There you are.”

Komaeda looked up, “You found me? How?”

Hajime shrugged, “It’s dinner time. Let’s go.”

“I thought you were at Tsumiki’s party.” Komaeda frowned. “That’s awfully rude to leave just to find me. Go back.”

“I haven’t gone yet.” Hajime truthfully told him, “I want you to eat. Let’s go.”

“Let me finish this scene.” Komaeda requested, pointing to the movie.

Hajime turned. The scene was now of a girl and a boy, dancing and singing in the moonlight. The song was light, filled with commentary on innocence and promise. Sitting beside Komaeda, Hajime waited, his brain filling in the translation to the lyrics. Komaeda was watching without subtitle and that was an impressive feat. As the song died and the scene shifted, Komaeda laughed a bit, weak and dry.

“I always disliked this scene when I was young.” He spoke, “It’s so conceited, thinking a single year means someone is more mature, more responsible. His promises don’t even amount to anything in the end. It’s merely two lovers thinking everything will work out.”

Hajime tilted his head, “Maybe, but maybe that’s also the charm to it, two people so sure everything will work out as long as they got each other and the world to experience together.”

Komaeda stood up, “That’s silly. Things don’t get better magically just because someone is beside you.”

“They don’t.” Hajime replied, “But it makes hardship easier.” He pointed to the door, “Now, come on, let’s go back to the first island. I got leftovers there.”

“Let’s go back as in we?” Komaeda asked, “I can go by myself Hajime. Go see Tsumiki. Other wise you’ll waste all the time with me.”

That was a point. Tsumiki was still recovering and probably wouldn’t be up late. Hajime pursed his lips, “Do you promise to eat? The leftovers are in the fridge, just warm them up.”

“Yes mother.” Komaeda sighed.

It was the second time in less than an hour being called a mother. Hajime folded his arms, “Good. Then, let’s go.”

They walked together in silence until they got to the main island. Komaeda took the long way around and Hajime stared, almost tempted to follow him, but he instead went the short way to the park.

~

_(Change sometimes comes when we have other’s support.”)_

_(“…everything will work out as long as they got each other and the world to experience together.”)_

Why were Hinata’s words mixing with the girl’s words from his dream? Nagito rubbed his head and shoved both away. All he wanted was to go back to his cabin, but he promised Hinata he’d eat. And Nagito wasn’t going to lie, he was also hungry.

~

Seeing Tsumiki laughing and happy with the others made all the tension, the sleepless nights at the hospital worth it. Hajime poured everyone another round of juice and grabbed a tart. Biting into the sweet, he watched as Souda told a story, gesturing wildly, with Owari adding in her own commentary. The scene tasted sweet and comforting, like watermelon on a hot day.

“Thanks Hajime.” He turned and saw Kuzuryuu plop down beside him, “For helping make this possible. It’s really good.”

“It’s nothing.” Hajime hummed, “I’m glad she’s enjoying herself.” He looked at Tsumiki.

“Right.” Kuzuryuu agreed, “Come on, we better make sure Souda isn’t adding more to his bizarre tale.” He paused, “Little Pink Spikey Hair?” He frowned, “I was cast as the wolf. I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

Hajime laughed.

~

Nagito took the food out of the restaurant, but didn’t want to go back to his cabin. Instead he sat outside by the pool, feet skirting the water, cooling his toes as he ate slowly, enjoying the silence and the stars. Hinata’s words and the dream girl’s words floated, bobbing in his mind, almost marring the evening. Together, everyone helping… the idealism in the words was almost laughable.

Except Nagito wanted to reach for it, cover himself in the words, wrap his mind and comfort himself. It was the prize at the end, the light in the tunnel. He wanted to stay inside, not walk towards the hope at the end.

_“You’re better off alone.”_

_“No, you can have everyone help you.”_

Shaking the first thought (no matter how well it clung into his side) Nagito continued to eat. The food Hinata made was always good and Nagito found himself hungrier than expected. Polishing the plate off, he went back for seconds, and had perfect timing. As he walked down the stairs to the restaurant, he heard everyone talking, going back to their cabins. He froze on the steps and turned around, back into the restaurant, not wishing to be seen. Now that Tsumiki was out of the hospital he would have to be more careful in the future. Sitting at a table, Nagito ate his small round of seconds.

“Ah, you did eat.”

Hinata walked in, of course he would come to check. Nagito huffed and shoved his now empty plate across the table. “I just finished.” He stood up.

“Let me.” Hinata smoothly glided over, taking the plate, “Did you like it?”

“Yes.” Nagito replied, following him into the kitchen.

Hinata smiled, “I’m glad.” He loaded the plate into the dishwasher and added a few other things before turning it on, running a load. “Going to sleep now?”

“No?” Nagito raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“I was thinking of taking a walk.” Hinata said, “Join me?”

Join him? Nagito stared. Why was he asking this? Did he want to keep an eye on him? Whatever the reason, it didn’t stop his heart from pounding like a traitor. Numbly nodding, he followed Hinata out of the restaurant and the hotel. They ended up at the beach, sitting on a rather large log, staring out at the ocean. The moon was out, brightly shining and illuminating everything. A breeze picked up and his skin rose a bit. Nagito clutched his jacket, fiddling with the sleeves. No words were said, but the atmosphere felt relaxed, unstrained.

Nagito closed his eyes.

~

Komaeda fell asleep on him, fluffy white hair tickling Hajime’s cheeks and neck. Pulling him a bit closer, less Komaeda wake up with a crook in his neck, Hajime idly stroked the stray hair. It was soft and warm. Komaeda nuzzled his shoulder a bit and Hajime felt a bit of pink stain his cheeks like tea spilling onto satin. He hadn’t expected this; Komaeda falling asleep on him. It left Hajime’s heart pounding a bit. Deciding that he couldn’t keep Komaeda outside asleep, Hajime carefully moved and pulled Komaeda into his arms, cradling him against his chest.

The new angle let Hajime feel his heart, hear his soft breathing. Komaeda, even though he was tall, he was light, underweight for someone his height. Making sure he had a good grip on Komaeda, Hajime walked back to the hotel, to Komaeda’s cabin. With ease, he managed to dig into the jacket’s pocket and pull the key out. Opening the door, Hajime walked in, setting Komaeda onto his bed. Taking the jacket and shoes off, Hajime tucked Komaeda in, smiling at his peaceful face.

“Good night, Komaeda.” Hajime whispered before he left, shutting the door softly behind him.

~

Nagito woke to the feeling of his bed, soft and comforting around him. His shoes and jacket were off, the jacket neatly folded on his desk. He blinked and yawned. Last, he remembered, he was at the beach with Hinata, looking at the ocean…

Hinata must have carried him back. Nagito smiled and his heart thudded. He curled up and felt a bliss fill his insides. Hinata hadn’t left him… he had carried him back… made sure he was in his cabin…

His heart swelled and Nagito wished he remembered it.

~

Hajime woke to the sound of someone knocking loudly and the sun brightly invading his eyes. Given the strength and the languid, syrupy feel in his bones, he had slept in longer than usual. A treat he wished he could indulge in longer. Now with Tsumiki in her cabin, he didn’t have to worry as much…

“Hajime!” Kuzuryuu’s voice clipped through the door, “Get up. Now.”

“What is it?” Hajime called out, not wanting to get out of his bed.

“They’re here.” Kuzuryuu answered, “Remember? They said they were coming?”

They? Hajime blinked, frowning into his pillow. Someone was coming? They were expecting someone…?

Oh. It clicked so fast Hajime was surprised there wasn’t an audible sound. He sat up and scrambled out of his bed, “Crap, crap they’re here?”

“Yes?” Kuzuryuu groaned, “Look, I know we sort of forgot because of… the excitement, but they’re here, already down to business. Hurry up.”

“Right, sorry, sorry.” Hajime ran to his bathroom, washing his face quickly, “I’ll be there soon. Go without me.”

“I was already planning to.” Kuzuryuu’s voice dryly came from outside.

Hajime shut the water off and ran his fingers through his hair. Quickly dressing, Hajime ran out of his cabin, easily catching up to Kuzuryuu, who was barely at the exit.

“You don’t look presentable.” He commented, “Did you even comb your hair?”

“My hair is fine.” Hajime replied, “How long have they been here?”

“About thirty minutes.” Kuzuryuu replied, “Took us by surprise. Owari was the only one to greet them because she went on a morning run.”

Well that wasn’t good. Not that Naegi or Kirigiri would care, but Togami would have something to say. Hajime rubbed his face and forced himself to walk quickly, over taking Kuzuryuu, before he sped over.

He nearly ripped the hinges off the door, causing Naegi to look up from his computer. Seeing the younger boy, brightly smiling, waving, made the panic bubbling inside Hajime vaporize. Straightening his tie, Hajime took a less speedy approach into the room.

“Good morning. Sorry we weren’t there to greet you.”

“It’s fine.” Naegi said brightly, covering up Togami’s cough and glare, “Owari said it’s because you had a party last night for Tsumiki-san?”

“Uh, yes.” Hajime answered, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“We are too.” Kirigiri took over, “Owari briefed us quickly. She said Komaeda and Tsumiki are awake. That’s good. It proves many theories.”

“Speaking of them, are they still asleep?” Naegi butt in, “I’d like to meet them properly.”

Oh boy. Komaeda would have a heart attack hearing that. Hajime’s mouth twitched, “We’ll have a proper meeting later.”

“If that’s all taken care of.” Togami smoothly cut in, “Let’s get to the point of this trip.”

“We’d like to hear what’s happened so far.” Kirigiri said politely.

Right. Hajime nodded and began to talk.

~

No one was at the restaurant, which was both good and bad luck. Good that Nagito didn’t have to worry about Tsumiki, but bad that he wanted to see Hinata… thank him… Grabbing a light breakfast, Nagito munched on an apple and walked out, only to nearly run into Souda. Souda’s hair was a giant mess and his jumpsuit not even zipped up, but rather tied around his waist.

“There you are.” He grabbed Komaeda, pulling a bit, “They’re here, let’s go!”

“They?” Nagito raised an eyebrow.

Souda paused, “Didn’t we tell you?” He didn’t wait for an answer, “Naegi, Kirigiri, and Togami are visiting us. We all slept in and didn’t greet them. Well, Owari did… never mind, let’s go!”

Naegi… the names stuck to his brain, but no where as strong as Naegi. The files ran through his mind. The Killing School Life… the other Ultimate Lucky student… the Ultimate Hope…

His heart pounded and suddenly Nagito didn’t want to eat. He wanted to go back to his cabin and curl up. Naegi was here… someone so good… so… wonderful… he didn’t really want to meet him, right?

Souda easily pulled him, unaware of the turmoil Nagito was feeling, babbling. The words didn’t register in Nagito’s brain. He wanted to pull away from Souda, but instead found himself following him.

Today was going to be a long day.

~

“… and that’s what happened.” Hajime finished summarizing.

Kirigiri’s lips were tightly pressed together, her notebook out, jotting notes. Togami remained stoic, but Naegi’s eyes were wide, mouth open as he leaned forward in the chair.

“Komaeda-kun really did that?” He mused. “But Tsumiki-san is fine, right?”

“She’s fine.” Hajime nodded, “Komaeda hasn’t done anything else drastic.”

“I see…” Naegi muttered before he looked at Hajime, “I’m glad to hear.”

“Yes, but hearing Enoshima’s voice is alarming.” Kirigiri pointed out, “He hasn’t heard her recently though?”

“Not that I’m aware.” Hajime answered.

“Great, he’s not sure.” Togami sighed, “Don’t you care?”

His tone bit into Hajime, but he ignored it. If he rose to every time Togami was insensitive, they’d be arguing still.

“Togami-kun.” Naegi looked over, “Hajime cares a lot! He’s been working hard.” He smiled at Hajime, “Thank you Hajime. Though… I was wondering… could I talk to Komaeda-kun? Like, privately?”

Hajime blinked, “Yes? You don’t need my permission?”

“I just… don’t want to impose…”

How did Hajime tell Naegi that his request was the furthest from imposing? Togami snorted, vocalizing Hajime’s thoughts. Naegi didn’t notice, or if he did, didn’t care. Hajime coughed and replied less he come off as rude.

“It won’t be imposing.” Hajime said, “He’ll like that.”

“Oh good,” Naegi placed a hand over his heart, “I was worried…”

Togami snorted, once again, vocalizing Hajime’s thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daikon: Japanese radish
> 
> Eating disorder: I think most of fandom head canons it, but I think Owari is the one who starved herself while in Despair.
> 
> Little Pink Spikey Hair: I think that would be a great story... I had a lot of fun with this scene.
> 
> Movie: Anyone who can guess which movie I'm referencing will make me happy... not that it's an obscure one...
> 
> Naegi and co: It's been a while since I've written them (not that I've ever posted those bits of writing), so I hope it turned out okay...


	14. Conversations Leading to Forks in Roads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I finished!!! I had such a hard time starting this chapter, but once I got to it, everything flowed smoothly. It's been ages since I wrote Kirigiri, Naegi, and Togami, so I hope they're fine. Sorry for the Trio not having too many scenes (especially Togami), but things weren't fitting in the flow. That said, maybe I'll write some side stuff with them later (particularly Togami and Kuzuryuu... totally want to write them arguing...)
> 
> Also, I hope everything is moving at a good pace. Honestly, it's so hard to tell as the writer, but I'm almost at 300 pages in my word document for this story, which is a record for me. I never expected this story to get so long, but I'm very happy. Thanks for all the support!
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a kudos or a comment! Not needed, but they always make my day!
> 
> (PS: Sorry for spelling and grammar errors... I'll probably find a million of them later despite editing already.)

Souda didn’t let go of Nagito’s arm, even when they got closer and closer to the room with the Neo World Program. Nagito huffed silently. Even if he tried now, running away would be pointless. He’d have to meet them eventually. Doing it as a group was probably the best way. He could find a way to sneak away… away from Naegi’s bright presence…

Kicking the door open, Souda strut in, tugging Nagito quickly so the door didn’t hit him as it swung back. Hajime as well as the real Togami didn’t look up despite the sound. The girl that Nagito easily identified as Kirigiri, glanced up coolly. Only Naegi jumped, eyes widening as he spotted them.

Nagito’s heart stopped. There he was, older than the photos in the files on the island. He had lost some of the roundness to his face, and Nagito could tell he was getting taller, even though he was sitting down. A warm smile filled his face that practically radiated his sincerity and kindness.

His heart twisted a little and Nagito tried to not stare. Suddenly Nagito was glad Souda was holding his hand. The warmth kept him grounded and reassured him if his legs collapsed, Souda would help him, less he be tugged down too.

“Hello, hello!” Souda chirped, “Are we the first ones here?”

“Yes,” Hajime answered, tapping something onto the computer in front of him, “Where are the others?”

“No idea.” Souda shrugged, “I thought they were already here. I only spotted Komaeda.”

Togami scoffed and muttered something under his breath. Naegi shot him a quick look, but turned his attention to them. Standing up he walked over. Nagito clutched Souda’s hand and didn’t stop, even when he felt Souda wince.

“Well we can do introductions while we wait.” Naegi brightly said.

“That’s unnecessary. They already know who we are.” Togami pointed out.

“Yes, but it’s the polite thing to do.” Naegi countered, “I’m Naegi Makoto! It’s nice to meet you finally.”

Nagito’s voice was gummed up, mixed in a gooey ball he couldn’t untangle. Naegi rocked a bit on his feet, before stopping it with a sheepish grin. Sunlight and warmth shone through him in a glow Nagito felt blinded by. It was overwhelming, exhausting to be in Naegi’s presence. It was hope and life incarnate, breathing something new into the room, making even the darkest corners illuminated. Nagito could feel Souda trying to wiggle his hands out of his grasp, but Nagito held on tightly.

“Ow…” Souda poked him with his free hand, “You’re going to crush my hand Komaeda.”

“Sorry.” Nagito muttered, forcing his hand to relax, to drop to his side.

Souda shook his hand, as though it would get rid of the pain before looking at Naegi, “I’m Souda Kazuichi. You can call me Souda.”

“Pleased to meet you.” Naegi said before he looked at Komaeda expectantly, akin to a puppy.

His voice was still stuck, caught in his throat along the side. Nagito coughed and tried to locate it, finding it come out a bit straggly, “I’m Komaeda Nagito.”

“Pleased to meet you too.” Naegi replied with a smile before he turned to the others, “Sorry if everyone else is busy… that’s Kirigiri Kyoko and that’s Togami Byakuya.”

“We know.” Souda rubbed his head, “Kind of hard to not know.”

“Ah… right.” Naegi blushed.

The door opened, cutting off whatever else was going to be said, Owari, Kuzuryuu, Tsumiki, and Sonia walking in. Nagito shuffled away, steering away Tsumiki, not looking at her. No apology was ever given and Nagito wasn’t even sure how to start one, let alone give one. He settled for keeping his distance.

“Everyone’s here.” Naegi announced, “Hello!”

He got various responses, Sonia and Owari’s cheerful, Tsumiki’s quiet, and Kuzuryuu’s curt but polite. Now that everyone was here, Nagito wondered what else would happen. It couldn’t just be a social call, there had to be some sort of report… anything. As though answering, Kirigiri took the center.

“Things are quieting down on the main land, but you’re still a secret.” She paused, “We’ll of course defend you and help you out, but error on the side of caution. Just… be prepared. On a lighter note, we also brought supplies for you.”

"Thank you Kirigiri." Sonia bowed. "It's very appreciated."

“To be honest,” Togami took over, “I expected more of you to be awake.”

Nagito looked down and saw Tsumiki do the same. Kuzuryuu muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like “asshole.”

Hinata however huffed and crossed his arms, “We’re doing our best.”

“That’s all we ask of you.” Naegi cut in, giving Togami a look, “And we’re here for a bit too! Traveling all this way just to leave isn’t good. We’ll help you out!”

His kindness was off the charts. Nagito didn’t look at him, less he be blinded by his hope. How long did they have to stay here? Staring a bit at Hinata, Nagito waited for a signal, letting them know they could leave.

“Is that it?” Owari asked for him, stretching, “Because I haven’t eaten breakfast yet…”

“Ah, I’m sorry for keeping you.” Naegi gave a hand wave, “You can go.”

“Yes… we’re done here.” Kirigiri agreed.

Good. Nagito watched Owari walk out, along with Souda. A small part of him wanted to stay and be in Naegi’s presence, but too much of a good thing was also bad. Forcing himself to start moving, Nagito walked out into the warm day.

~

After the others left, Hajime turned back to the computers and started to monitor things. Having the trio on the island was good and stressful too. So many things to take care of, but at least with Kirigiri he could expect order to bless his sea of stress. Even though it was slightly down with Tsumiki out of the hospital, there was no rest for him.

“Thank you for the hard work.” Kirigiri pulled a chair up, sitting beside him.

“It’s no problem.” Hajime double checked a screen before rolling over to another one, “Thank you for coming. In the end, we’re isolated.”

Kirigiri pursed her lips, “I’m not sure things will work out soon, but they will eventually.”

Hajime blushed, “I didn’t mean to complain.”

Kirigiri eyed him, her eyes cool and smooth as she took in everything. Hajime stiffened and held his breath a bit. Seeing her talent in action was jarring, but interesting. There was a way she saw things Hajime sometimes wanted to emulate. With a talent like hers, some would expect her to be cold, but Kirigiri wasn’t cold, but elusive.

“You’re exhausted.” She commented smoothly, “You’re taking on everything.”

Hajime didn’t bother asking how she saw that, “It’s for everyone else’s health. I still sleep and eat.”

“Sleeping and eating don’t necessarily mean you’re taking care of yourself.” She paused and a small dip appeared on her brow. Hajime didn’t have a hard time believing the same words were said to her by a certain someone.

“And having Komaeda acting out has complicated things.” She continued. “Which begs the question, how do you feel about him?”

“Komaeda?” Hajime raised an eyebrow, “He’s…” He paused. “He seems calm… not lashing out… thoughtful. Doesn’t think he needs to be punished at every wrong turn…”

“You misunderstand me.” Kirigiri smoothly cut in, “That’s factual. I can observe that. I asked how you feel about him?”

The kiss, the one they shared so long ago floated in Hajime’s mind, faded a bit from his memory, but still present. Komaeda’s confession followed, his bold declaration that he liked both, Kamukura too. Swallowing Hajime was reminded that he hadn’t thought about it anymore. Wasn’t that rude? He couldn’t ignore them, pretend Komaeda didn’t confess…

“I…” Hajime slowly said, “I’m not sure… there have been many things between us… but I haven’t tried to give an answer to his feelings…”

Kirigiri coughed and Hajime looked at her. A slight blush, barely noticeable danced over her cheeks for a fraction of a second before she spoke, “I mean, you’re not angry at him?”

That was what she meant. How did he miss that? It was Hajime’s turn to flush a bit, but he easily pushed that aside and focused on her question. Angry at Komaeda… she was obviously referring to what he did to Tsumiki. It was hard to forget and his brain supplied him with the scene, flashing in his mind. Remembering it didn’t make him feel better, his stomach twisting. A bit of anger, bubbled inside him, but it was orange and yellow tones, some blue slowly mixing into the memory, painting it in wide strokes.

Yes, there was anger tinging the memory, but… it was dull, slowly mutating to something cooler. Anger was the slow pulling at his heart, the sweltering under his shirt and sweatiness of palms. It was brief, flashing like a strip of magnesium burning. Hajime wasn’t sure he could be angry at Komaeda even if he tried.

But beyond the anger the blue just made the scene sadder, dripping in all the things Hajime wished he could insert into Komaeda’s brain the morals and boundaries he needed to understand.

Anger however, would consume him in flames and carnage, glory and honour. After the anger left, he’d freeze, his system slowing down, numbing.

“Not entirely.” Hajime answered truthfully, “What he did to Tsumiki was terrible and awful, but beyond anger I’m… not entirely certain.”

“Do you forgive him?” She asked.

“I can forgive, but that doesn’t make what he did better.” Hajime answered, “Though, I’m not the person who that question should be directed to.”

Kirigiri shook her head, “Maybe, but I think it matters to him. Sometimes, even if we don’t know it, we are seeking approval. From who or what, sometimes it doesn’t matter.”

Approval? That made sense. Komaeda had wanted it indirectly when he wanted Hajime to punish him. Punishing was just a way to show disapproval after all. It was what fueled him to attack Tsumiki too. But beyond approval, Komaeda wanted attention and Hajime’s stomach churned with the answer.

He wanted someone to care for him… to be there. Maybe that was partially what drove his confession, but Komaeda wouldn’t confess feelings to anyone. He had thought about it… and Hajime was still sitting on the ball, not doing anything about it.

In a way… his reaction was extreme, but not unlike someone who wanted to show off to their crush… or do anything for their attention. Doing nothing was only going to fuel Komaeda’s self doubts further. He was always convinced everyone was angry at him and hated him, something else to fuel the self doubt.

Hajime stood up, feeling a rush of blood to his head, followed by a cool, dizzy sensation. Kirigiri simply moved closer to the computers, “I can watch over this.” She said calmly.

“Thank you.”

Hajime couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to go sort things out properly. What was that one saying? Better late than never? He couldn’t rush into it blind, but he couldn’t wait too long. It was time he evaluated some things properly.

~

Sadly, Nagito barely made it to the bridge, when Naegi bounced up beside him, matching his pace. Nagito’s heart spluttered like a traitor and he wished he could speed up, walk faster, but instead he continued to walk at his pace, starting to cross the bridge. Maybe Naegi was just going the same direction?

"Hello!" Naegi cheerfully called out.

"Hi." Nagito curtly said.

“Is it all right if I call you Komaeda-kun?” Naegi asked, pushing on without hesitation.

“Yes…” Nagito muttered.

“Okay!” Naegi’s voice light the space, “You can call me Naegi or Naegi-kun if you like.”

“Naegi-kun…”

“Yes?” His voice perked up.

“I was testing it.” Nagito murmured, keeping his gaze on the scenery and not on Naegi.

“Oh… well if you don’t mind, can we talk?” Naegi continued, “Maybe show me around the island?”

Nagito swallowed thickly, feeling a lump in his throat. The offer was burning and tempting but Naegi was only being polite. He clearly wanted someone else to talk to, but everyone else was gone or busy, so he was the only one.

Except his words rang sincerely in the air, giving Nagito no way to mutate or take them another way. His heart thumped harshly in his chest, and he picked his speed up. A fluttering formed in his chest, the whispering of words telling him that Naegi truly wanted to see him, wasn’t repulsed or avoiding him. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt to let the younger boy hang around him? It wouldn’t make Naegi change his mind? It wouldn’t make Naegi realize he made a mistake? Nagito wasn’t sure what he hoped.

“Komaeda-kun?” Naegi asked.

“Uh… sure…” Nagito blurted out quickly, before Naegi thought he should retract his statement.

“Great!” Naegi beamed before tugging at his tie, slowly undoing it, “Sorry, it’s so warm here. I’m not used to it. Is it like this all the time?”

“Yes.” Nagito answered, “We haven’t had rainy days.”

“Oh wow.” Naegi stared, “We haven’t either… but I suppose that’s a good thing. Some places, the rain is acid rain.” He paused, “Sorry… that’s a bit depressing.”

_~~(“Are you sure? He isn’t hiding under a veil of naivety so he can insult you? He’s very perceptive you know…”)~~ _

_(“No! Naegi isn’t like that at all! He’s a very honest person.”)_

Acid rain because of all the damage they directly and indirectly did. Nagito shook the thought away. Naegi didn’t mean to imply anything negative. He wasn’t underhanded… he was surprisingly easy to read, warm, open. It was refreshing, with all the turmoil in Nagito’s life, to have someone open. He smiled a little.

“It’s fine… so, where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere is fine!” Naegi insisted, “I want to see everything.”

“Everything…” Nagito mused, “We’re at the central island… let’s see the park.”

They walked, not taking long to reach Jabberwock Park. The place was clean, no traces of the party held. Nagito let Naegi walk forward, staring at the statue in the middle, taking in the green and flowers. He smiled and turned around, pointing at the statue.

“It’s so big!” He exclaimed, tilting his head, “I wonder how they moved it… I wonder if we could move it.”

Move it? Where did he get these ideas from? It felt like an awe filled comment a kid would make. Nagito stared at the statue, “Maybe we’d find a secret base?”

“Oh wow.” Naegi grinned, “Like right out of an action movie. Or manga.” He walked around a bit more, staring at the plants and flowers, “It’s nice here.”

“Yes, it is.” Nagito agreed, “It’s peaceful.”

“Is this one of your favourite places?” Naegi asked.

“Yes.” Nagito nodded, “Quiet and peaceful.”

Naegi smiled in understanding and bounced back to him, signalling they could move on. Mentally calculating where everyone else was, Nagito decided they could skip the first island for now. Instead, he directed them to the second island. Naegi took everything in with smiles and small talk, pointing excitedly when they got to the beach house. Spinning around, Naegi inhaled deeply.

“Wow, an actual beach!” He grinned wildly, “The beach by the dock is nice too, but this feels more private, more fun. Have you went swimming yet?”

“No, I haven’t.” Nagito paused, “I suppose I never asked Souda if the arm is fine in salt water…” He stared at his left arm. He’d have to ask later.

“Oh right, you don’t want to damage it.” Naegi nodded before he rocked a bit at his heels, tugging his tie completely off as he did so, “Uh…can I ask you a question?”

A question? Nagito stared. Naegi was biting his lip. He undid his tie completely, stuffing it into his suit jacket pocket, fumbling a bit. Nagito frowned. Was he put up to this by Hinata or Kirigiri? Couldn’t they ask him themselves, rather than get Naegi to do it for them? No… both Kirigiri and Hinata were forward people, they wouldn’t be underhanded. Did that mean Naegi was asking freely? Maybe he thought he could help them… how cute and hopeful.

“Sure.” Nagito readied himself. Would he ask about Tsumiki? Maybe about Hinata or the others too? What about Enoshima? Was he curious about her voice in his head?

“Are you happy?” Naegi asked.

Happy? Nagito felt his mind halt, like a group of kids on a slide, crashing together. What did he mean by happy?

“I… I’m alive?” Nagito slowly said, “I can eat, sleep… live in relative peace…”

“Ah, no I mean… personally?”

Personally? Did he mean his relationship with the others? How everyone was pretending to not hate him, stumbling around the truth. What was that one saying? Don’t let the left foot know what the right foot was doing? Or specifically Hinata? Nagito thought back, how their last interactions included an argument and a sitting silently on the beach. Both of those memories were muddled by a muddy film stretched over top.

_(“He carried you back to your cabin, didn’t leave out outside. He cares.”)_

_~~(“Yeah, carried you, like a prince carrying a princess. Say, just because he is a bit kind doesn’t mean he isn’t hiding his disgust…”)~~ _

_(“No, Hinata really cares. He is kind to everyone and genuinely cares. Maybe… you can’t accept it because it wasn’t what you were expecting, but that doesn’t make it any less sincere!”)_

Nagito felt the thought swirl in his head and he carefully shoved them back. The last one prickled a bit, how perhaps just because he didn’t expect it… No… not now. Not when he had to answer Naegi.

“I… suppose so?” Nagito wished it didn’t sound like he was asking a question, “I’m happy.”

“And the others? Do you think they’re happy too?”

The others? Nagito supposed besides the fact they disliked him… they too were happy. Even Tsumiki. Sure, she was probably shaky after… what he did, but the others were there to support her and help her.

“Yes, they are.” Nagito confidently said, “Even with me around…”

“You?” Naegi cut him off, “You think you’re an obstacle in their path to happiness?”

His tone was light, no accusations, no hint of anything other than a question. But Nagito knew, he could see in his eyes, Naegi didn’t like that. He was a pure person, Nagito firmly reminded himself. Naegi thought everyone should get along, as evidenced by his time trapped in the school.

“You’re a hopeful person.” Nagito firmly said, “So, you’re a presence everyone wants. Me… I just bring trouble to everyone…”

“That’s not true!” Naegi burst and suddenly Nagito’s hands were in Naegi’s hands, “Everyone is worth something. We’re all good people. Yes, we all do things that frustrate each other, but that doesn’t mean we’re not wanted.”

What… a hopeful speech… and for Nagito too. How wonderful it must be, to see the world with such hope…

_~~(“He’s just saying it… how innocent of him…”)~~ _

_(“He’s not just saying that… Naegi has seen despair too. He’s not naïve. Don’t call it that.”)_

He wasn’t naïve. The phrase stuck in Nagito’s mind, slapping him with the truth. Naegi wasn’t saying this because it sounded nice. He believed it. That’s where the hope and passion came from.

“And sometimes we need to adjust our behaviours to make things work, but I’m sure we can work things out with everyone.” Naegi finished.

That was about him, wasn’t it? He knew about Tsumiki, about what he had done. Naegi probably knew everything Nagito had done since he woke up. It should have made him irritable that Hinata divulged the information, but what did he expect? The trio had probably expected an answer and Hinata had provided. That was what prompted this talk, not only hearing about what he had done… but Naegi’s desire to help.

_~~(“He’s just pointing out your flaws, telling you how wrong you are.”)~~ _

No… this wasn’t just a point out… it was Naegi wishing to help, wanting to see everything work out fine. Nagito was sure of it. It was the same thing the voice in his head had said, the other one, not Enoshima. Hearing it spoken, made the phrase powerful, true.

“You’re… too kind.” He whispered, expecting a twisting in his heart.

_(Accept it was his fault… but that also meant he could change things… didn’t it?)_

_(Maybe, they’re right. Maybe Owari was right. Maybe that voice in his head was right.)_

_(He had to change things… not run away.)_

But all Nagito felt was the same calmness that accompanied him after he woke up. Pulling gently away from Naegi he turned coughing a bit, “Let’s… continue.”

“Okay.” Naegi cheerfully agreed.

~

_He was on the couch again, sitting with Kamukura. They weren’t looking at each other, but Hajime could feel their knees brush as he took in the café. People, blurred and lacking detail, milled around, talking to each other. Their noise was background, blurred, mixing into the cool tones of the place, things hidden in shadows and light._

_“You’re back.” Kamukura muttered, “And too early. You haven’t thought about this since our last meeting.”_

_“Does being in a dream make you able to read my mind?” Hajime asked, “But you’re right… I haven’t. Things are busy.”_

_“Like having visitors on the island.” Kamukura dully said, “Or finally addressing Komaeda’s feelings.”_

_His words carried no heat, but Hajime still winced, “I’ve been… busy.”_

_“I suppose considering one problem is a step in the right direction.” Kamukura mused._

_“Hey…” Hajime frowned, “I’m doing my best.”_

_“I’m aware of that Hinata.” Kamukura calmly replied, “Take your time. I’m going no where.”_

_Something about that phrase… Hajime felt something click in his mind. He turned to look at Kamukura, who was looking back at him. Was that a clue? A hint to his questions from last time? Reaching out, Hajime’s hand hovered towards Kamukura, fingertips barely brushing before the room blurred and Kamukura slowly disappeared._

_~_

_Going no where_ … Hajime woke up, his hand half outstretched. The phrase played in his mind. He turned over. Kamukura wasn’t just saying things, even if it was just his dreams. There had to be something, some clue. He sat up, curling his knees to his chest. Obviously, it was a reference to them being the same person in the end, two parts that were intertwined. They were the same and different. But could it mean something else too? What? That Kamukura was always there? Wasn’t that just rewording that they were the same person? Could it be that simple?

But… Kamukura had said he was surprised Hajime hadn’t figured it out, implying it was easy. Was that the answer to his questions, about why Kamukura was in his dreams and why Hajime was chasing him? They were just intertwined? That Kamukura had chased him to get him to understand? That Hajime had to accept that and accept Kamukura into his life? Hadn’t he already done that? Sure, after the Program Hajime was the main personality, Kamukura reappearing afterwards. It was because of the Project.

Groaning, Hajime got out of bed. They had guests and while he was sure Naegi or Kirigiri wouldn’t mind getting food for themselves, it felt impolite to make them do so. Running through his familiar routine, Hajime got ready and walked to the restaurant, heading to the kitchen.

Pulling out some things from the fridge, Hajime began to cook a simple meal, putting rice on, heating up some water for miso soup, cutting up things to add to a salad… he lost himself in the rhythm. Humming a bit, Hajime also made sure to put coffee on. Soon, the smells mixed into the air.

“Wow, you didn’t have to do this for us.”

Naegi walked in, dressed down. He still had his button up shirt, but he wasn’t wearing the tie or the jacket. The sleeves were rolled up, a bit crooked. Hajime set his cooking chopsticks down and turned the stove off, letting the fish cool.

“It’s no problem.” He grabbed Naegi’s arm, slowly rerolling the sleeves.

“Ah… thanks.” Naegi blushed, “I may take one of the shirts in the market. I don’t have a lot of casual clothes now.”

“Feel free.” Hajime replied, moving onto the other arm, “We got a surprising selection.”

Finishing his task, Hajime returned to cooking. Naegi bounced after him, peering over his shoulders, “Anything I can do to help?”

“The coffee is ready.” Hajime replied, “Could you get the cups? Middle cabinet on the right,” He clarified.

“Okay.” Naegi walked over, pulling mugs out before he spoke, “Uh… I was wondering something.”

“Yes?” Hajime started to transfer the fish to a plate.

“Are you mad at Komaeda-kun?”

That question again. Hajime set the plate down and chuckled, “You know, Kirigiri asked me the same thing yesterday.”

“She did?” Naegi flushed, “I suppose I should have known…”

“I said I’m not entirely angry, but what else I really feel I’m not sure.”

Naegi hummed, “Makes sense, but you’re not so angry that you wouldn’t want to see him, right?”

“Right?” Hajime blinked, “I’m not actively avoiding him if that’s what you mean.”

“Komaeda-kun seems to think everyone hates him. Probably because he attacked Tsumiki-san?” Naegi asked.

Komaeda had said something about that earlier, how he didn’t he? After he found Komaeda talking with Owari. Did he still think that? Hajime frowned, but what did he expect? Everyone was focused on Tsumiki and her recovery. Then Naegi, Kirigiri, and Togami had arrived. No one had spent some time with him since Hajime did after the party.

“It’s true.” Hajime said, “He seems to believe that his actions against Tsumiki would get us to hate him.”

“But you don’t.” Naegi easily concluded. “He’s had a lot of problems recovering, many more than the rest of you. But knowing you don’t actually dislike him… it gives hope.” He smiled, “Sorry that was a bit… um… I’ll go set these coffee cups out.”

He bustled out. Hajime smiled as Naegi left. Hope, he used it not like an end goal to achieve, but a mindset to keep. Turning to the soup, Hajime stirred it, Komaeda still sprinkling his thoughts. How did he feel about Komaeda? Both Kirigiri and Naegi were asking, but he had no idea. Thinking about what he did to Tsumiki wasn’t pleasant, but beyond that, how did Hajime feel?

His mind flashed to the last time he saw Komaeda, the night before, when they went to the beach. They didn’t say a lot, but the moment was nice, calm. Komaeda was always like that. When he wasn’t pulling problematic things… Komaeda was good to be around. He was smart, bright, eager to please others, and… liked him.

Hajime’s heart stopped. He knew that. Komaeda had told him and they had shared some… questionably motivated kisses. His brain reminded him he hadn’t addressed it, yet again. Sighing, Hajime took a spoon and tested the soup. It was good. He turned the stove off. It had been so long, everything distracted by him attacking Tsumiki, her release and party, and then Naegi and the others arriving.

So, what did he think about Komaeda? Kamukura and him shared something… not that Hajime remembered. Was it enough for him to try? To maybe… see if he could return Komaeda’s feelings? The kisses, while questionably motivated, weren’t lifeless. There was clearly something felt when they kissed. Hajime blushed. That meant something, right? Could that be enough motivation? Regardless of his feelings in the end, he had to answer Komaeda soon.

~

Nagito walked to the restaurant, went up the stairs, and paused. Everyone was already there, food on the table, chatting. Togami sat away from everyone, not having someone on either side of him, but he was still at the same table. Most of their backs were to the door, and everyone who wasn’t had their attention on the others. It was a nice scene. Nagito could feel the lightness, the happiness, the hope from everyone.

He wanted to leave. Nagito’s hand hovered on the banister, shaking. It would be for the best, right? To turn, leave, and eat later. He could hide in his room, avoid seeing everyone. Tsumiki wouldn’t mind that… she certainly didn’t want to see him. No one had spotted him. There was time.

_(“What do you mean? You’re a part of this too… come on you said you needed to change, remember?”)_

But what if they didn’t want him? What if they just invited him out of pity? What if he was ignored once he sat down? Or worse, kill the conversation entirely. No, it was for the best if he left.

“Komaeda, quit standing there.” Owari called out, “Hajiji made a great meal!”

Almost everyone turned to look at him. Togami didn’t glance up from his coffee, and Tsumiki peeked before looking down. Nagito froze. What was she doing? Tsumiki would be uncomfortable for the rest of the meal and that would translate to his fault…

“Hey, Hajime made enough you know.” Souda added, “Hurry or Owari will eat it all…”

“I will not!” She elbowed him.

“Please Komaeda, join us.” Sonia said sweetly.

“Yes, join us?” Naegi asked.

He couldn’t say no after that… Nagito exhaled and walked in. As he approached the table, he wondered where he could sit. There was an empty chair by Hinata, and two beside Togami, but Togami had that for a reason and Hinata… would it be okay to sit beside him? Maybe he should go to another table?

“You can sit beside me.” Hinata said as though reading his mind.

“R-right.”

Nagito sat pulled the chair and sat down. To his other side was Naegi, who gave a warm grin. Everyone else returned to eating, lightly chatting with one another. Tsumiki wasn’t looking at him, but it was easier considering they were on the same side of the table.

“Take what you like.” Hinata said.

Nagito looked. It was a simple Japanese style breakfast, but Hinata had also put out fruit and bread. Reaching for a roll, Nagito nibbled on it. Hinata sighed beside him and left, returning a moment later with a bowl of steaming miso soup and fish, setting it in front of him.

“Did you sleep well?” Naegi asked.

“Yes…” Nagito hesitantly answered.

“Good! I did too, though it’s so warm even at night.” Naegi rubbed his head.

“I fixed the AC in your rooms.” Souda pointed out, “You can run it.”

“Yes, but… I don’t want to run it all night.” Naegi protested.

“It’s not a big problem…” Souda muttered.

“No… I’ll just make sure to run it longer before I go to sleep.” Naegi firmly said. “So, do you often get Hinata’s cooking? It’s amazing.”

Hinata coughed, “It’s… nothing too special.”

“No way!” Naegi shook his head, “This is like… the best thing I’ve had in a while. Shame Asahina and Hagakure couldn’t come.”

Kirigiri nodded, but Togami suspiciously coughed.

Nagito’s mind supplied their images of both Asahina and Hagakure. It was true that out of the survivors, they talked to Naegi, Kirigiri, or Togami the most. How were the other two survivors in real life? What about… what was her name… Fukawa?

(At once something picked in his brain. Nagito frowned. Wait… hadn’t he met her before?)

“Do you mean the other two survivors?” Sonia asked.

“Yes!” Naegi nodded, “They’re really awesome. Maybe some day you’ll meet everyone! Maybe visit the main land…”

He continued to chat. Nagito half listened and started to eat. Taking a bite out of the bread, he nearly stopped chewing when he felt Hinata looking at him. Turning his head, Nagito blinked. Did Hinata want something? But Hinata turned his head the moment Nagito looked at him. What was that? For a moment, he felt something in Hinata’s gaze… oh well. Turning back to his breakfast Nagito continued to eat.

~

Komaeda left the moment he finished breakfast, as well as Owari, yelling something about exercising with Kuzuryuu exasperatedly yelling at her that exercise after eating wasn’t advisable. Hajime held back a laugh and cleared the table quickly, Sonia and Kuzuryuu helping after he finished yelling at Owari. When everything was in the dish washer or drying on the racks, Hajime exited the restaurant, not finding Komaeda anywhere. It was to be expected, but Hajime couldn’t help but feel a small wave of disappointment.

He’d just have to find him. Nodding, Hajime began to walk, mentally running down a check list to where Komaeda liked to go. First, the beach. Walking to it, Hajime didn’t spot him. This was going to be a bit more challenging than he thought, but it was still early. He’d find Komaeda eventually.

~

“Hey, Komaeda-kun!” Naegi called out.

Nagito turned around and saw not just Naegi, but Kirigiri too, walking towards him. He stopped. “Yes?”

“Kirigiri hasn’t seen the islands yet…”

“No, I’ve seen some of them and have a basic understand to the rest…”

“So, let’s show her the fourth island?” Naegi ignored her with a smile.

She huffed, but a small smile danced across her lips, barely, before it disappeared. Nagito dismissed it and stared at Naegi. He… wanted to hang out? Not just for a tour guide or to ask a question, but genuinely wanted to?

“Sure, let’s go.” Nagito agreed.

They walked, or rather, Naegi jogged ahead, eagerly waiting for them as Kirigiri matched Nagito’s slower pace. When they reached the fourth island, complete with the bright pinkness, Nagito almost regretted agreeing. Kirigiri didn’t bat an eyelash and walked on. Nagito wished he had her strength.

“Can we go on some of the rides?” Naegi asked.

Could they? Nagito hadn’t tried any of them, but he supposed they were operational…

“As long as it isn’t the rollercoaster.” Kirigiri answered.

Naegi pouted, “Come on Kiri! That’s the best ride. Do you not like rollercoasters?”

Kiri? Nagito blinked at the nickname. Kirigiri took it in stride, but Nagito was sure he saw a bit of pink on the bridge of her nose.

“I… don’t mind them… but I prefer others.” She answered.

“… maybe later then.” Naegi concluded before he grabbed both her hand and Nagito’s, “Let’s go!”

The ended up riding the rollercoaster… after they went through all the other rides. There was a surprising amount of them, but the rollercoaster was the biggest and fastest one. Nagito hesitantly stood a moment before they went. Would his luck do something to it? But then again… Naegi was with them and he too was lucky… it would be fine.

When they exited, Naegi beaming, Kirigiri quiet, and Nagito feeling a rush still flowing through his system, he pulled them to a bench. “That was fun!” He cheered.

“It… was in a way.” Kirigiri smiled.

“See? It was fun.” Naegi nodded before standing up, “I’m thirsty. I’ll get us something.”

Did they even have something on the fourth island? Before Nagito could ask, Naegi was off, running in some direction. He stared. Should he go after him? He was about to stand up, when Kirigiri spoke.

“Did Naegi tell you about our first time through Trial Five?”

What? Nagito looked at her and tried to remember the files. Something about the body in the garden being Ikusaba’s and reused… fire, sprinklers…

“I threw him under the bus, so to speak.” Kirigiri continued, “The first time it was a trap by Enoshima to get rid of me. I had to try and place the blame on Naegi. It worked and we nearly lost him had Alter Ego not saved him.”

…That was the trial they did twice. “And?” He asked, “You’re not telling me this for a recap, are you?”

“You attacked Tsumiki and now you think you should be disliked by everyone.” Kirigiri cut to the point, “But people can forgive and heal after many things. I’m sure this too is something that can be forgiven. You’re aware what you did was wrong, it’s a first step.”

Oh. Nagito blinked at her obvious parallels, “That’s rather forward of you.”

“I have no need to be cryptic.” She simply said, standing up, “Let’s go find Naegi. No doubt he’s realized there’s nothing on this island to drink.”

She didn’t wait for him. Kirigiri walked on, leaving Nagito her words to digest her words.

~

In the end, Hajime found Komaeda with Naegi and Kirigiri, going on the rides and around the Fourth island. He watched for a second, watching how Naegi smiled and dragged the two along with him. It was a nice scene, good to see Komaeda interacting with someone other than the others on the island. It was nothing he wanted to interrupt. Turning, Hajime left them. He’d find Komaeda again later.

~

_The road stretched on, beige and rocky, surrounded by green grass and blue skies. Nagito walked on, feeling a sweltering heat as he moved, weighing him down, seeping into his skin. There was a calm, languid feel in the air that moved sluggishly, feverishly through. Cicadas chirped and gravel was crunching as he walked. It was as though someone bottled summer and threw it into the scenery, letting the essence seep into the air._

_Nagito walked, and walked. Nothing changed in the scenery, the grass still green, the sky impossibly blue. He had no destination and no urge to rush. So, he walked and walked, time and space stretching around him, until he came to a fork in the road, smoothly split down the middle. A sign sat appropriately, arrows telling him which was what. Nagito laughed. Hope. Despair. It was always those two choices in the end. Everything boiled down to those, asking which he’d choose._

_He’d walked Despair before. Walked it with madness sitting in his heart, a desire to see True Hope shine. He had sought after the duality of the ideals, the yin and yang, forever swirling together._

_He had walked Despair for a long time… his dog’s death… his parents… being kidnapped… watching the world end… cutting off his left arm. It was a familiar choice. Nagito knew what to expect, what to feel and see. But Hope… had he ever really walked that? Had he ever chosen it? It was a scarier option._

_“Go on, you know which one you’re destined to do.” Enoshima stood by the sign, leaning towards the Despair side, “It’s easier to pick. You must pick it… if there isn’t Despair in the world there is no Hope either.”_

_“No, that’s not true.” Another voice said beside him. It was the girl, the one always inviting him into the classroom. “I know it’s… scarier to keep a positive attitude. If things go wrong it feels worse… but you’re not alone. You’ll fall and stumble, but everyone is here for you. You can change.”_

_“Change and be boring… following the path everyone wants to take. So high and mighty.” Enoshima sighed, “In the end, Despair is all that’s left.”_

_“That’s wrong.” The girl protested, “Despair is the end, Hope is always the beginning.”_

_Nagito closed his eyes. Change. The girl said he could change. Naegi had said people could be there for him… he wasn’t alone. And… he wasn’t sure if they were right, but… he looked at his left arm. Had seeking Despair really brought Hope? Was it like that? An equation: Despair equals Hope? He wasn’t sure, but… he’d never know if he did the familiar._

_“Oh, so boring…” Enoshima muttered, “Oh well, Despair will always follow. You can always change your mind. I’ll wait here for when you come back. Everyone always finds themselves at Despair when Hope fails.”_

_She was right. He had said that to Hajime before… that it was foolish to think that just because something went well it wouldn’t go bad. He’d fall, he’d stumble and make more mistakes. He’d hurt people too, like Tsumiki. Just because he had people around him didn’t mean things wouldn’t go horrible._

_“They don’t,” Hinata’s voice echoed in his mind, “But it makes hardship easier.”_

_Nagito made his choice. He began to walk, to move forward and continue until he reached the end of the road. At the end was the classroom door. Reaching forward he touched the handle._

_“Do you want to open the door?” A voice asked beside him._

_“Yes, I do.” Nagito said, gripping it tightly, before pulling the door open and stepping into the classroom, into the light that blinded him._

~

Nagito woke up, the sun barely painting the sky with colour, and got out of bed. Dressing he walked out of his cabin and towards the restaurant. He paused as the restaurant came into view. Tsumiki sat by the pool, kicking the water with her bare feet. His mouth shut and his throat tightened. Maybe he should go a different direction…

No… he was going to change, right?

Walking forward, he made sure to make sounds so she wouldn’t be surprised. Tsumiki looked up as he approached and froze, her eyes widening. Nagito stopped, maybe a couple meters away from her and waited for her to say something. When she didn’t, he carefully sat down, keeping the distance between them. The concrete was cold, hard, but he crossed his legs. Silence lingered in the space between them, before Nagito spoke.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“I…” She looked down, “Just a n-nightmare…”

“I see…” Nagito looked at the pool, watching the ripples fill the space as Tsumiki kicked the water, “I…” He swallowed, “I want to apologize.”

“A-Apologize?”

Forcing himself to look at her, Nagito caught her gaze, “When I attacked you and accused you of lying. I… I acted horribly, no worse than horribly. I want to apologize for that.”

She stared at him, her eyes widening. Her fingers gripped her skirt and were shaking, her knuckles white, “Y-You n-nearly k-killed me.”

Her accusation was true and bit into him. Nagito didn’t look away, “You’re right. I went at you with the intention to hurt you. I… I don’t have enough apologies to make up for that. I’m truly sorry.”

Tsumiki turned her head and looked at her feet, kicking the water faster. Nagito let his apology hang in the air. The fact that she hadn’t left and let him say this much was good enough. He couldn’t expect her forgiveness too.

“I-I’m still a-afraid.” She touched her throat, “S-suffocation… until you c-can’t b-breathe…” Her eyes were glazed, far away, “I-It hurt.” Her tone was firm.

She… wasn’t just talking about when Nagito had attacked her, was she? The nightmare she had was clearly stated, making his actions worse. He… hadn’t thought of her execution when he attacked her, but it… made sense.

“I… I’m sorry.” Nagito wished he had more to say, to use to patch things up. But he was trying to put out a fire with a toy water gun.

“Y-You didn’t t-think a-about that, r-right?” Tsumiki accused him, still looking down, “S-Still, t-thank you f-for your a-apology. H-However I-I…” She exhaled sharply, “I-I don’t f-forgive you.”

That was logical. Nagito shut his eyes and nodded, mouth dry, “I understand… thank you, for accepting my apology.” He stood up. “I’ll… go now…”

She didn’t stop him and frankly Nagito didn’t expect her to.

~

_They weren’t on the couch this time, but rather sitting at the bar, on the stools. Their knees were touching and elbows hitting each other’s softly with each inhale and exhale. Hajime leaned a bit on the stool, tilting back a bit. There was no one else in the space, just him and Kamukura. Wasting no time, Hajime spoke, staring at the empty space behind the counter._

_“You’re a part of me. That’s why you’ve made me chase you, that’s why you’re a part of my dreams. You wanted to show that to me that I couldn’t ignore you, we’re apart of each other.”_

_Kamukura shifted and Hajime looked over. His eyes were cool, straight forward. Hajime waited, wondering if he was right. The answer he gave felt so simple, was it right? A small smile cracked over Kamukura’s face, disappeared a fraction of a second later. Lifting his arm, Kamukura gently touched Hajime’s shoulder._

_“You’re right, I’m a part of you, we cannot separate each other. But, you are mistaken on one part.” He told Hajime._

_He was? Hajime blinked, “What part?”_

_“I didn’t make you chase me. You were chasing me from the beginning.”_

_“But… when you cornered me on the roof…” At the beginning…_

_“I just followed you, to see what you’d do. You were convinced I was chasing you, so I gave you the push to actively chase me.” Kamukura sighed. “But you reached a sufficient conclusion…”_

_“Wait that’s it?” Hajime blinked, “All these dreams and… that’s it? Simple answer and conclusion? I’ve sort of reached this outside of dreams you…”_

_Kamukura gently pulled Hajime closer and slanted their lips together. Hajime blinked, let their lips press and touch smoothly. It was clear, smooth. There was no heat between them, not jumping in his body, but rather a joining, like holding hands, but with kissing. Kamukura pulled back a moment later._

_“What was that?” Hajime asked._

_“A kiss.” Kamukura dully replied._

_“I know that.” Hajime protested._

_“Then why ask?” Kamukura countered._

_Hajime opened his mouth to reply, but the room shook. The scene began to slowly fade away, the walls crumbling in neat rows, exposing a white space._

_Hajime jolted but Kamukura gently touched his hand, “Don’t worry, you’re just waking up. I’ll see you soon. Also…” He frowned, “Sort everything out with Komaeda, I can hear it and it’s annoying.”_

_Oh great… even in his dreams, a version of himself was scolding him to do something. Hajime wanted to say something to it, but everything was coming down and Kamukura slowly faded. Hajime felt himself being tugged away from the scene, like a ribbon was tied around his waist and someone was pulling him to wake up._

~

Getting up, Hajime winced as the sun strongly filtered into his room. The rays were strong, but judging from the angle, it wasn’t too late in the morning. Dressing and exiting, Hajime walked to the restaurant and spotted Tsumiki. She was sitting by the pool, kicking the water. Making sure to walk so she could hear him, Hajime waved and sat down beside her, crossing his legs, not wanting to get his shoes or pants wet.

“Good morning Tsumiki.”

“G-good morning H-Hinata.” She gently replied.

“Did you sleep well?”

“I… I had a n-nightmare.” Tsumiki slowly said. “I-It was m-my… e-execution.”

Oh? So far, Komaeda hadn’t remembered anything from the simulation, just things about his time before the Program. It was interesting. Hajime wondered if there was a reason behind that. He tucked the question away.

“I-I c-couldn’t b-breathe…” She muttered, “B-but… I t-though I c-could see E-Enoshima again.” Tsumiki curled her arms around her, “I-I thought s-she loved m-me… b-but… s-she didn’t.”

Hajime gently touched her hand, letting Tsumiki curl her fingers around his. She was breathing normally, but no doubt, she was shaken up by the dream. He waited, wondering if Tsumiki had anything else to add, before he spoke.

“It’s hard to say what Enoshima did, understand her motives. We’ll never know, but you are worth so much more.”

“T-Thank you…” Tsumiki smiled a bit before she continued, “A-Also… I s-saw Komaeda…”

She did? Hajime blinked. He was up early… did that mean he too had a nightmare? Though, more importantly, did that mean Tsumiki felt uncomfortable? Komaeda wouldn’t try anything again, Hajime was sure, but to see him after what he had done…

“H-He apologized.” Tsumiki told him.

Komaeda… apologized? Hajime felt his heart leap a bit, a smile filling his face a little, “He did?”

“Y-Yes.” Tsumiki curled her other hand into her skirt, “I-I was s-surprised… s-shocked… I-I accepted the a-apology…b-but I don’t f-forgive him…” She looked at Hajime, “I-Is that a b-bad thing? T-to not f-forgive?”

Her hand trembled and she looked at him. Hajime could see it in her eyes. She had spent so much time, being hated, just like Komaeda felt about himself. But while he resorted to a subservient, self loathing manner as a mechanism, Tsumiki had resorted to apologizing to everyone, taking the blame on herself. To now be in the position of those she had spent so much time apologizing to. Tsumiki associated unforgiving with being negative.

But was that always true? Forgiving was healthy, but was it all the time? Could people truly forgive if someone did something terrible to them? Maybe… but maybe forcing forgiveness without understanding was the problem. Tsumiki… was caught in the middle, between fear, anger, and forgiveness. Acceptance was not understanding.

“It’s fine.” Hajime slowly told her, “Forcing yourself to forgive without healing first isn’t good. You accepted his apology, but you still don’t understand why he attacked you. And, even if you do understand, it’s still a long way to forgive. I think for now… you’re doing your best. That’s all we ask. Komaeda understands.”

“T-Thank you.” Tsumiki gripped his hand tightly, a few tears seeping down her face, “Thank y-you Hinata.”

“You’re welcome.” Hajime softly said.

Hajime still had to find Komaeda, tell him his choice… his reply to the feelings Komaeda bared, but for now Tsumiki needed him. Hajime sat there until Tsumiki calmed down, drying her eyes, looking better.

~

With nothing to do after he ate breakfast, Nagito walked around, until he ended up on the third island. It felt weird to go from a tropical setting to a western themed place, but he marched on, idly wandering. Approaching Electric Avenue, Nagito spotted a familiar burst of pink hair and yellow jumpsuit. That reminded him… didn’t he think about asking Souda if he could swim with his arm? Nagito walked over.

“Souda.”

He jumped and nearly tossed a wrench across the space. Looking up, Souda sighed, “You scared me… I was into this…”

Nagito looked at the pile of metal in front of him, “Ah, sorry… I didn’t mean to…”

“No problem.” Souda replied, “What’s up?” He returned to his task.

“I just had a question about my arm.” Nagito lifted his left arm, “Is it okay to swim in the sea with?”

Souda blinked, “It should be… the metal won’t react to salt, so long as you clean it properly…”

He set down his wrench and absentmindedly touched the ground, as though looking for something with his finger tips. Nagito spotted the toolkit behind him and walked over to move it, so Souda could rummage through.

“Thanks.” Souda said, “Hey could you hold this?” He tossed a screwdriver at Nagito, “Thanks.”

Nagito caught it and sat down, watching Souda work, fluid, in his element. Everything went somewhere and parts fit in ways Nagito wasn’t sure how Souda did it. As he worked, Souda kept making Nagito hold things, get him things, until the morning and afternoon passed them.

~

Nagito returned with Souda in tow to the main island when the sun began to set and Souda could no longer see what he was doing. Not that it seemed to bother him, but when they both heard a loud growl coming from their stomachs, it was time to leave. Nagito’s hands were covered in grease, and he was sure there was a bit on his jacket too. Souda was worse off, but it didn’t bother him… and strangely it didn’t bother Nagito. There was something pleasant about putting something together, watching something exist because of them…

“Hey, I’m going to shower before I eat.” Souda said, stopping by the cabins, “You can go on ahead.”

“Okay.” Nagito agreed, “See you later.”

He walked away, mentally calculating. First, he’d have to wash his hands, then he could grab something to eat. It was later than usual for supper, so maybe everyone was gone, already done, but Hajime liked leaving extra in the fridge.

Stepping inside, Nagito was greeted with his prediction. No one was in the restaurant. He had it to himself, until Souda came, but who knew how long that would be? Walking to the back, Nagito went in with the intention to wash his hands and stopped.

Hinata was in the back, washing a few dishes, putting them to dry. He immediately turned around. Nagito walked in, waving his hands, “Mind if I wash these?”

“Sure.” Hinata shuffled over, keeping the water running.

Nagito washed his hands quickly, but thoroughly, before giving Hinata the space back. Drying his hands off, Nagito went to the fridge, opening it. Hinata had left food inside, as predicted. Nagito reached for what appeared to be a mix of potatoes and other vegetables. There was also rice and Nagito was not above eating two forms of carbohydrates in one sitting.

“Hey, Komaeda, could we have a talk?” Hinata suddenly said.

“Yes?” Nagito took the potatoes and rice out, “What is it?”

Hinata exhaled slowly and Nagito felt his heart palpitate. Was it bad? Did he learn he saw Tsumiki earlier? Was he in trouble for that? It couldn’t be… he didn’t do anything to her… but what if seeing him made her upset and she just hid it? Nagito opened his mouth, to defend himself, but Hinata beat him to it.

“Remember when…” Hinata flushed a bit, “We kissed?”

The question smacked Nagito firmly over the head, followed by the memory steam rolling him to the ground. The kiss they shared where they gave each other hickeys? The one where Nagito told him how he felt and then they made out before he didn’t get an answer? Was this it? Was this where Hinata rejected him? Told him he didn’t accept those feelings?

No… he wasn’t ready for this conversation… Nagito had completely forgotten about their little… moment… but now that Hinata had brought it up he didn’t want to remember. The lens of hindsight was cruel and now second-hand embarrassment tinted the memory. Oh god Hinata hated it and he just responded because it was the heat of the moment…

“Could we…um… give it a try? I mean… I’m still unsure of how I feel about you but… I’m wiling to try… if you want.” Hinata back peddled, “I mean… I know… I was upset at you recently and you have no reason to believe I’m being sincere…”

What? Nagito blinked. Was he hearing what he thought he was hearing? This… wasn’t a dream? It wasn’t the result of staying outside helping Souda for hours and being hungry? He pinched himself and nothing changed, Hinata still talking.

“I’m not promising anything, but I can’t remain angry at you forever nor can I keep ignoring your feelings so could we try um…”

“Dating?” Nagito blurted out, “You’re… essentially asking if we could try dating?”

Hinata clamped his mouth shut audibly, “Yes… I suppose that’s the word I’m looking for.”

Something warm and cool filled Nagito. This… wasn’t what he expected… it felt out of place, but at the same time… how long ago had Nagito told Hinata he liked him and Kamukura? It had been a while, just with a delayed response…

_(“He’s asking out of pity… or because there aren’t many options here…”)_

_(“Or maybe… Hinata is sincere. He wouldn’t offer without being sincere, that isn’t him.”)_

Exhaling slowly Nagito looked at Hinata. He was waiting, cheeks a bit pink. The offer was hanging in the air and Nagito swallowed. What did he say? His brain wanted to say yes, but his mouth wasn’t moving.

“… you don’t have to give me an answer right away…” Hinata said, “Or hold back. You should be honest…”

Oh no, did Hinata think he didn’t want that? Nagito scrambled for his words, forcing his mouth open, “It’s not… just this is a surprise… could I… think about it?”

He cringed. After all that had happened, all the silence and the lack of communication about their feelings… he was delaying it. Why?

_(“Maybe to see if Hinata really means it? You don’t want to rush this and find out Hinata changes his mind, right?”)_

_(“But how would you know how this will work unless you go at it hard? Don’t over think it.”)_

“No, no that’s… fine. Really it is.” Hinata told him with a smile, “Take your time.”

Hinata gave one more smile before he walked out of the kitchen. There were still a few dirty dishes, but Nagito didn’t stop him. It was for the best. He needed time to… think.

~

After the both exciting and dull evening, Hajime nearly stopped the next morning when he saw a helicopter flying over to the main island. Rushing over he found Togami standing, a headset on. Kirigiri and Naegi stood back. Everyone else was standing with them, staring as the helicopter somehow landed neatly. Walking over, Hajime ignored the twitch in his heart when he saw Komaeda standing a bit away. Now wasn’t the time to remember their conversation in the kitchen. Time and place.

“What’s happening?”

“We’re going.” Kirigiri answered. “Apparently…”

Already? Hajime blinked, “You’ve been here for about three days?”

“Three days is a long time to go missing from Headquarters.” Kirigiri answered.

“But you came by ship?” Hajime asked.

“Yes, and I’d rather face an army of Monokumas than deal with that journey again.” Togami walked up, “We’re using a helicopter to leave. Consider the boat a donation.”

A donation? Everyone blinked and Souda spoke, “But won’t they realize a boat is missing?”

“Shut up. Don’t worry about things that don’t concern you.” Togami told him, “Just accept the donation.”

“Uh… right…” Souda shrunk.

“Sorry we’re going and didn’t have the time to tell you.” Naegi said, “We were just told last night…”

“It’s fine.” Sonia said, “We understand. Thank you for coming to see us.”

“We’ll try to visit again.” Naegi eagerly said.

Togami scoffed and Hajime assumed he didn’t see himself in the “we” Naegi had said. He didn’t comment and instead went over to the pilot, talking to them.

“Be safe.” Kuzuryuu said.

“Keep in touch!” Owari nodded.

“We’ll do our best.” Kirigiri said.

And with that, it was time for them to go. Hajime watched as they got into the helicopter, Naegi waving one final time, before they left. Everyone waited until they were mostly out of sight before ambling away. Hajime looked over where Komaeda was, standing still. It was too early for an answer, he knew, but… was it bad that he wished he had one? His heart twitched at the hypocrisy of his feelings. He had left Komaeda hanging already. He could wait, let Komaeda think and come to a choice, whatever the outcome would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Togami and Kuzuryuu: Shame I didn't get the chance for them to have a confrontation. It didn't fit my flow. Maybe I'll write a side where that happens...
> 
> Acid Rain: Took a page out of my favourite arc in Tsubasa, with Acid Tokyo!
> 
> Secret Base: Couldn't help but reference Island Mode Komaeda when you go to the park and talk about the statue.
> 
> AC: In Japan running the AC or heaters all the time isn't normal. Usually they run it for as long as they need it and turn it off when going to sleep or not at home.
> 
> Fourth Island: They got rides there and I think they should use them! Also I just imagine they can work.
> 
> Kiri: Took the nickname Naegi uses in the dub of the show because it's adorable and cuter to me than "Kirigiri-chan". Also because I love nicknames to death.
> 
> Roller coaster: I dunno why, but I just headcanon Kirigiri isn't entirely fond of roller coasters...
> 
> Kiss: Ok, I've had that planned for... forever... (so not remains of that OT3 I just wrote floating in my mind).
> 
> The Dream: Also, now that I finished the dream, I can tell that I based some of the parts heavily on Ayumi Hamasaki's PV for Rainbow. One of my favourite music videos of hers (except Ourselves, which all my friends could tell you is my favourite song of hers).
> 
> Potatoes and rice: I can firmly say I am that person who can eat grain products on top of grain products. (Shout outs go to potatoes on toast and pasta on bread.)


	15. Light Me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I know usually I do my chapter back and forth between this story and Moving, but this chapter for ONCE had a clear direction and I figured while it was still in my head I should just write it. So, sorry for everyone waiting for the next bit of Moving... I'll do that next. I had a ton of fun writing this chapter. I hope everyone enjoys it!
> 
> Thank you for all the support in this story! I sound like a broken record, but I'm so happy! Feel free to leave a kudos or a comment. Not needed, but always make my day.

Things were back to being quiet. Seeing the Trio was a break in their routine, but it was a welcomed break. But now, without the hospital, Tsumiki, or Komaeda recovering in there, it was time for him to focus on the rest, see if the updates and progress would help wake up another friend.

Turning the computer on, Hajime watched the laptop load, the screen going black before a green tinted face appeared, smiling brightly. Hajime waited, fingers at the keyboard if something didn’t work.

 _“Hello?”_ The head tilted, _“I’m Alter Ego.”_

“Hello.” Hajime spoke, wondering if the microphone was on.

 _“You must be Hinata Hajime?”_ Alter Ego asked.

It worked. Hajime sat back, hands falling from the keyboard, “Yes, I am. We have a lot of work ahead of us, so let’s do our best.”

 _“Yes!”_ Alter Ego agreed, _“I’ve been debriefed on the situation present. There are a lot of codes and encryptions for the Program, but I’ve also gained access to many.”_

Great. This would make some of the work easier. Hajime wheeled over to the desk and pulled out a USB, “I’ve also made a Program myself to help with the process.”

_“Very well. Please, give me the data and we can start.”_

Hajime nodded, smiling. This… was good. This could help a lot. He plugged the USB in and got to work. A bar appeared on the lower part of the screen and Alter Ego hummed, head tilting as the files uploaded. A timer began, estimating how long it would take. Hajime sighed and set the laptop on the desk. It would take a while. In the mean time, he could check other things.

~

_Sitting on an intact building, Servant watched as a hoard of Monokumas waddled around, following the children with the helmets. The kids were humming their song and the melody echoed in the abandoned streets, adding a cheerful lift to the desolated city. Servant remembered Towa City before the Incident. How it was a shining beacon of technology and advancement. How people flocked to the city to stare at the marvels and wonders. Scholars, tourists, families, they all went to see the city._

_And now it was in ruins, cast into a dark shadow of Despair. But Hope was blooming. If everything went according to plan. Whose plan, Servant didn’t care. In the end, if something came out of this, he could care less. Hope. Despair. Which one? Servant hummed, almost echoing the singing on the children, staring out into the ruins._

_Kamukura sat down some point in time during his humming. Servant wasn’t sure when, but he noticed, he relaxed, smiling a bit. His humming stopped and he looked at Kamukura. He’d never show if the singing annoyed him, but Servant decided to error on the side of caution. If he upset Kamukura, he could leave him._

_Though, Servant was sure he had done things to annoy him. Kamukura just didn’t care enough to tell him, though sometimes, Servant liked to guess what he was thinking. His expression never gave anything away. No smiles, no furrowing of his bow, or flashes in his eyes. Servant chuckled a bit, as though Kamukura would show anything. Or tell anything. Even if he asked, Servant was sure Kamukura would never tell._

_“Hey,” Servant spoke anyways, “What do you feel towards me?”_

_His words scattered in the air, the sound mixing with the ashes and smoke. Towa City wasn’t entirely clean, but certainly better than some places._

_“Emotions.” Kamukura slowly said, voice monotone, “Are both complex and boring.”_

_He answered. Servant would have celebrated, had the answer been… a proper one. He pouted slightly, “That isn’t an answer. At least, to my question it isn’t.” He added._

_Kamukura didn’t follow up. Servant pouted a bit more, but let it drop. Maybe actions spoke louder than words this time? Kamukura hadn’t left him or told him to leave. He had chosen to sit beside him. Servant brightened and carefully shuffled a bit closer to Kamukura._

_Kamukura didn’t stop him._

~

Nagito woke up and blinked into his pillow before huffing, rolling over. What was that? A memory? It felt grounded and real, unlike a dream, so it had to be. It had been a while, but seeing him in the dream was both interesting and nauseous.

He had been so focused on Hope, so sure that Despair was the only way to make Hope shine. That was why he was in Towa City, that was why he just sat there and watched the children kill, terrorize everyone. That was why his plan was to create a new Hope… whatever the sacrifice was. Seeing him as both a chess master and bystander to the chaos made his stomach churn.

Yet, at the same time, seeing Kamukura and him in the dream was interesting. He had never received an answer to why Kamukura let him follow, or what Kamukura felt towards him. He never really would, but that was fine. Hinata’s feelings were just as valid as Kamukura’s.

The moment in the kitchen pushed through his mind. Nagito curled in his covers. Hinata had meant that, right? He wasn’t pressuring him or saying things out of guilt. Hinata was letting him reach a conclusion at his own pace. A flutter filled Nagito’s chest. Did that mean whatever he chose was okay? That if he agreed, Hinata could grow to accept his feelings and genuinely like him?

_(“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”)_

Nagito swallowed. It was true… that made the choice seem easy. But something could go wrong… that’s what happened in relationships, right? Couples fought, argued, sometimes broke up. Could he handle that if it happened? Nagito wasn’t sure. Getting out of bed, Nagito got ready and exited his cabin.

The only person in the restaurant was Souda, who was fiddling with a grape as he munched on a piece of toast. In front of him was a bowl of fruit and a plate of toast. Nagito sat down and grabbed some toast and began to eat. He must have just made it. The butter was warm and melted into the toast. Nagito munched quietly.

“Good morning.” Souda said.

“Morning.” Nagito replied, finishing off the toast in record time and reached for another slice.

Souda pushed the plate over, “Here, you can have the rest. I made too much.”

“Thank you.” Nagito took a big bite, “It’s really good.”

“It’s just toast.” Souda flushed, “It’s all I can make really.”

“It’s something.” Nagito shrugged and ate his second slice.

“Thanks.” Souda laughed, “Say, I’m continuing my Project. Could use your help.”

“Me?” Nagito blinked, “You’re sure? I just hand you things.”

“You’re great help.” Souda assured him.

Nagito flushed a bit but nodded, “Okay… I’ll help you.”

“Excellent!” Souda stood up and grabbed the fruit bowl, “To my cabin!”

“Cabin?” Nagito asked, “Weren’t we working in Electric Ave?”

“Yes, but I decided that’s a terrible idea with this heat.” Souda grimaced, “So I moved everything. Don’t worry! We can open my door and windows and even turn the AC on later when it gets too hot.” Souda waved the fruit bowl, “Also, we can eat this as we work and not worry about bugs getting into it.”

“…only grease getting on the fruit.” Nagito added.

“Hey…” Souda pouted before he brightened, “Well then, I guess we can add another job for you.”

“Feed you?” Nagito cocked his head, “Is this pay back for when I was tied in the hospital?”

Souda laughed, “No, definitely not. Now, let’s go!”

Nagito quickly finished off the toast and nodded, “Okay, I’m ready.”

They walked to the cabin and Souda immediately opened his windows and door, even turning on a small electric fan by a giant pile of parts. Nagito stared and waited for Souda to gather everything and sit down before he picked his spot. Sitting close to Souda, Nagito watched as Souda did one last adjustment, setting the fruit bowl between them, and began to work.

Now that they were relatively silent, Nagito found his mind wandering back to Hinata. Their encounter in the kitchen started to repeat in his brain, how red Hinata’s cheeks got, how soft his words were. They had stumbled through that conversation… that had to mean Hinata was sincere.

So… Hinata was sincere… that meant Nagito accepted his request and they try… dating. His heart skipped a beat. What did dating even entail? Nagito didn’t entirely trust the movies and he couldn’t remember if he had ever dated anyone before (probably not). This would be the first date he would remember. Nagito bit his lip, a cluster of fluttering pouring in his chest followed by some shivers down his spine.

“…Komaeda… the oblong part… Komaeda?”

Nagito felt his attention snap, neatly falling back into place, he scrambled and grabbed the metal part Souda was hopefully requesting, “This?”

Souda took the piece, “Yes, that.”

He twirled the metal around, humming to himself, angling it onto the main hulk of what he was working on. Nagito still couldn’t place what Souda was making. It felt like an interior to something, or a sort of metal frame.

“Hey,” Souda said after he placed the oblong piece of metal properly, “Everything okay?”

“Uh… yes?” Nagito asked.

“You were just quiet.” Souda added, “And didn’t reply immediately. Something bothering you?”

“Not really…” Nagito truthfully replied, “I was just thinking.”

“Okay.” Souda grabbed some large screws and began to work again.

They sat for a while, Souda requesting things, Nagito handing them dutifully, though his mind kept tugging back to Hinata. A date… what would they do? Did dating suddenly make all interactions strange? Were there expectations placed on dating? Like kissing. Nagito felt his face warm a bit. It was silly… they had kissed before, but somehow, a twisting in his gut told him it would be different. About an hour and a half passed before Souda set his tools down and stretched, standing up. Nagito followed, wincing as his body cracked and popped a bit, blood flowing to his legs.

“Break time…” Souda walked to his bathroom, “Let’s eat some of that fruit.”

Nagito followed, washing his hands after Souda, before returning to the main room. Souda was on the bed, the fruit bowl in his hands. Walking over, Nagito sat down carefully, reaching for a few grapes.

“Thanks.” Souda pushed the fruit a bit closer, “This has been productive so far.”

“Glad to hear.” Nagito reached for another handful of grapes, “I’ve been meaning to ask, what are we making anyways?”

Souda opened his mouth to reply, but was stopped by a knock at the door. Looking up, Nagito saw Kuzuryuu standing there, hand on the frame of the door.

“There you are.” He walked in and sat down, “How’s it going?”

“It has been great.” Souda grinned, “Working on my master piece, with Komaeda’s help of course.”

Kuzuryuu glanced at the pile of metal on the floor, “Dare I ask what you’re making?”

“Ah, Komaeda asked the same thing!” Souda declared, “But it’s a secret! A surprise for everyone! You’re going to love it! I promise.”

“… if you say so…” Kuzuryuu muttered.

~

Hajime ambled into the restaurant, holding back a yawn. The upload of files to Alter Ego was still in progress, everything smoothly running. His back ached from falling asleep at the computers and Hajime was strongly regretting it. Stretching at an awkward angle, Hajime heard his back pop and crack with a satisfying sound. Rolling his shoulders, he walked into the kitchen and got his breakfast.

He returned to the tables to find Owari, Sonia, and Tsumiki sitting together, chatting. Waving, Hajime sat down at their table, “Good morning.”

“Good morning Hinata.” Sonia replied, “Did you sleep well?”

“I… It was okay…”

Owari narrowed her eyes, “You’re slouching a bit, something aching?” She reached over and rubbed his shoulders, “You’re tense.” She announced.

“I fell asleep at an awkward angle.” Hajime countered.

“…that’s one hell of an awkward angle.” Owari replied, but started to rub his shoulders in slow, circular motions.

Hajime leaned in, feeling relief as she worked out the tension in his shoulders. “You’re good at this.”

“Hanging around the old man helped.” Owari boasted with a grin, “He taught me a few basic tricks!” She angled her chair better and continued.

“Hinata, you need to take better care of yourself.” Sonia scolded lightly. “Right Tsumiki?”

“Y-yes…” She stammered, “T-tense muscles a-aren’t good.”

“Right.” Hajime flushed a little, “I’ll be careful…”

His sentence cut off with a bit of a groan as Owari worked on a tense part, “Anyways, are you free this morning Hajime?”

“Free?” Hajime asked. Everything was running smoothly and Alter Ego could handle any issues that cropped up, “I suppose for a bit.”

“Great! We want to bake something.” Owari declared, “But… we don’t know where to start…”

Bake something… Hajime smiled. “That sounds like fun… let’s see, what do you want to make?”

“Cake!” Owari declared.

“Cookies!” Sonia said at the same time.

“A-Anything s-sweet?” Tsumiki stammered.

“…cookies might be an easier option.” Hajime said, “Is that okay?”

Owari pouted for a second, but smiled a moment later, “Yeah, it’s fine!”

“What kind do you want?” Hajime asked.

“Vanilla!” Owari declared

“Chocolate!” Sonia said.

“A-Anything?” Tsumiki asked.

“We can make both.” Hajime said.

Owari cheered and stood up, stopping her massage. “Okay, let’s start!”

“Let me finish eating.” Hajime held up his breakfast.

“Then, perhaps we can set up the kitchen?” Sonia asked, “Just let us know what we need.”

Hajime quickly rattled off the ingredients and the things they needed. Sonia nodded, though Tsumiki blinked rapidly, staring a bit as Hajime went down the list. Owari bounced up the moment he finished and grabbed Tsumiki and Sonia, tugging them into the kitchen.

Grinning, Hajime finished his breakfast at a moderate rate. The brief thought of inviting Souda, Kuzuryuu, and Komaeda filled his mind, but he shook it away. There would be too many people in the kitchen and… Hajime flushed. Komaeda still hadn’t given him an answer.

The task of working with Alter Ego had pushed it away, but now that he had time, Hajime couldn’t stop the quickening of his heart, the palpating as he thought of what the answer could possibly be. Was Komaeda thinking of how to say yes, or how to gently let him down? Hajime wished he knew the answer but… pushing wasn’t good. He had to be patient.

It was easier said than done. Swallowing, Hajime ignored the spike of uncertainty and the small voice telling him to do something. Focusing the energy on the fun morning he’d have with the girls, Hajime walked into the kitchen.

Everything was slowly gathering on the counter, though Owari was holding the bin of flour a bit too precariously for Hajime’s liking. Walking over quickly, Hajime grabbed the container and set it down on the counter, helping everyone until everything was out.

“Okay, let’s start. First, wash our hands.” Hajime ordered.

After everyone did that, Hajime began to measure things out, instructing everyone on what to do. Everything ran smoothly, though Owari was a bit too enthusiastic about stirring, and eventually their dough was ready to bake.

“This is going to be great!” Owari bounced as Sonia set the tray into the oven, “I can smell it already.”

“Y-You’ll have t-to wait for it to c-cool.” Tsumiki reminded her.

“…No, I don’t…”

“O-Owari…!” Tsumiki stammered, “T-That’s n-not good… y-you’ll b-burn your m-mouth…”

“Only weaklings burn their mouths on hot things.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s now how that works Owari.” Sonia firmly said. Tsumiki nodded.

“Eh? It’s worked like that for me.” Owari rubbed her head. “But if you say so…”

~

It was a miracle that Owari didn’t inhale the cookies the moment Tsumiki declared them cool enough to eat. Hajime immediately snatched a handful and began to put them on a plate, arranging enough that it filled nicely.

“Hey, you aren’t eating all of those on your own!” Owari pointed.

… like she was one to talk. Owari already had three cookies in her hands. Hajime shook his head, “No, not for me, for Kazuichi, Fuyuhiko, and Komaeda.”

“That’s a wonderful idea!” Sonia clasped her hands, “Perhaps we can all eat these together? Make some tea?”

“That’s a great idea.” Hajime nodded, setting the plate down, “I’ll go get them. Put some of the cookies on this plate? We can save the rest for later.”

“Leave it to me!” Sonia said.

“S-Sure.” Tsumiki agreed along with Sonia.

“Thank you.”

Hajime walked out and stared at the pool. Now, to find them. He’d start with the cabins first. Walking over, he didn’t have to look too far. The door to Souda’s cabin was open. Heading over, Hajime knocked on the door.

Inside, all three were on the floor, Souda working on some sort of project, with Kuzuryuu and Komaeda helping. Kuzuryuu’s jacket was on the bed and his sleeves rolled up. Komaeda’s jacket was also on the bed. All three of them were covered in grease, though Souda sported the most of it. All three looked up at his knocking, though Komaeda looked down a bit. Hajime’s heart spiked a bit with a light tingly sensation, but he pushed it away.

“Hey, we made cookies.” Hajime said, “We’re inviting you to join us eating them… though with Owari present we’ll have to hurry.”

“Cookies?” Souda perked, “Sounds amazing!” He stood up immediately, brushing his hands on the tied sleeves of his jumpsuit. The yellow was smeared with more grease. He grimaced, “But… uh let us wash our hands…”

“Right.” Hajime agreed, “I’ll just…”

What did he do? Wait for them? Would Komaeda think he was waiting to corner him for an answer? Was that good? He swallowed. That wasn’t good. But what if Komaeda thought he left because he was upset due to the lack of answer? What was the best option?

His choice was made before Hajime could do anything. All three of them walked out, hands washed. Hajime swallowed and decided to follow them, walking beside Kuzuryuu.

“So, what kind did you make?” Souda asked.

“Just vanilla and chocolate… pretty basic.” Hajime replied.

“That’s fine.” Kuzuryuu shrugged, “Simple is sometimes the best.”

“Maybe later we can see if there is enough to make something different.” Hajime offered.

“Cool, and we’ll help you next time.” Kuzuryuu said.

Hajime nodded. It would be fun. Silence filled the space and Hajime tried to not stare at Komaeda, or wonder what answer he’d give. Patience. He just needed to wait and see…

~

The cookies were great, not too sweet, soft, and warm. Nagito ate another one and nursed his cup of tea. Owari was in the middle of a rock, paper, scissors battle with Souda over the last few cookies. As Souda yelled in agony of his defeat, Owari cheered with victory, scooping up a cookie to add to her pile, before they began the round again.

Hinata was avoiding him, but Nagito didn’t feel any crushing in his heart. Hinata was probably being cautious… wanting him to make his own choice… at least Nagito was hoping that was the case. Uncertainties were the biggest demons, but Hinata was also facing it too, waiting for the answer. But, he was so patient, no pushing, no pressuring…

“Would you like more tea?” Sonia asked beside him.

“Oh, sure.” Nagito held out his cup, “Thank you. Would you like more too?”

“Yes, please.” Sonia transferred the tea pot to him. Nagito poured her some tea. “What do you think of our cookies?”

“They’re delicious.” Nagito replied.

“I’m glad.” Sonia smiled.

A warm flutter, this one brighter and warmer than Nagito could remember, lifted his heart. His insides were shining, floating with a radiant light. A smile, one full filled his face. Everything was perfect. The moment, even though it was small, was precious. Suddenly everything felt like a piece was slotted in place. The image wasn’t complete, but that didn’t change anything. Instead, it made Nagito want to hold onto the moment, savour it, and keep it in his memory.

The realization smacked him in the face, stunning him for a moment. Nagito blinked and looked at his hands, feeling his vision blur for just a fraction of a second. It had been so long, so long since he remembered this, all but faded into a blur and streak on the wall.

He… was happy…

And maybe, just maybe… pursuing Hinata, giving them a chance… would make him even happier.

At least, Nagito hoped.

~

Stalling was never something Nagito liked doing, but here he was, standing beside Hinata, drying dishes along with Sonia and Tsumiki. Kuzuryuu, Souda, and Owari were putting the dishes away. The words sat heavily on his tongue, waiting to burst out, but he couldn’t do it in front of everyone. That would be mortifying. But, standing beside Hinata and not saying anything was equally mortifying. Proximity was playing a foul role and all Nagito wanted to do was get the words off his chest, talk to Hinata.

Instead, he stood in silence, wiping dishes, grimacing at the damp cloth. Drying dishes was… unpleasant, but even after they stuffed the dishwasher full, there were a ton of dishes and more cookies hidden away from Owari. They were safe… for now.

“We’ll definitely have to do this again!” Owari cheered.

“This was fun.” Sonia nodded, “Perhaps we can make a different kind? Or something new.”

Something new. Nagito paused in his drying. Sonia was right… they could have many more memories like this… perhaps next time he could join in the making process. Nagito wasn’t too sure how to bake, but it would be fun… the warm fluttering filled his chest again. Perhaps, if they baked after he told Hinata how he felt it could be like a date.

An actual date… Nagito flushed hotly. It would be fun…

A loud crash filled the kitchen. Nagito felt a sharp pain in his hand. Looking down he saw the remains of a tea cup and some of the porcelain sticking in his hand, poked through the drying cloth.

“Komaeda, you’re bleeding.” Sonia stated.

Oh, he was… the cloth was staining red. Nagito stared. Should he drop the cloth too or let it soak up the blood? His mind blanked and he felt a bit cold. Hands guided him and Nagito found himself sitting on a chair, Hinata gently talking to him. The words weren’t registering. Nagito forced his brain to work.

“…just sit still Tsumiki is getting the first aid kit.”

Tsumiki was? Nagito blinked smiling, “Oh, that’s… kind of her…”

“The cuts aren’t too deep.” Hinata continued, “Some bandages and minimal use of your hand for a few days and it should heal well.”

“Okay…” Nagito agreed.

Tsumiki returned with a first aid kit. She knelt in front of him and without prompting, put on some gloves and picked up a pair of tweezers.

“H-Hold still.” She said, “I’m p-picking out the remaining porcelain.”

Nagito waited for some discomfort, but all he could feel was a slight sting as she picked out shard after shard. Tsumiki’s movements were smooth and precise. She worked with ease, until all the shards were in a neat, but slightly bloody pile in a small plastic bag.

“I’m going to d-disinfect this.” She warned.

“Will it sting?” Nagito asked.

“N-No… it s-shouldn’t.”

She was right. There wasn’t a sting, just a mild cold sensation, followed by the dry sensation of bandages wrapping his palm and a few on his fingers. As she worked, Nagito studied. It was a surprise to have Tsumiki volunteer to help him. Nagito could assume it was because of her nurse background, but Hinata was here and just as capable. Perhaps… she talked to Hinata after his apology? Nagito held back a chuckle. It was so like Hinata to get through to everyone, want to help and listen.

 Tsumiki finished with ease and started to pack some of the things away. “T-There… be careful w-with your hand… I-I’ll check later…” She said softly.

“Thank you.” Nagito said, staring at his bandaged hand.

“Y-You’re welcome.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Souda saddled up to him, broom in hand.

“I’m fine… but…” Nagito swallowed, “Guess my luck went out of hand.”

Souda blinked and shook his had, “Naw, this was like an accident. Pretty sure those are just random events gifted upon us at some point in time.” He walked away, twirling the broom a bit.

Random event huh? Wasn’t that the same thing? Nagito stared at his hand and let it fall to his side before standing up. The kitchen was mainly cleared, Souda walking out the door with a bag filled with the remains of the cup. Tsumiki was following, first aid kit in hand.

Nagito walked out of the kitchen. Everyone else was standing and chatting. Upon seeing him, Sonia fluttered over. “Are you okay?”

“It’s fine. Tsumiki bandaged my hand.” Nagito waved it.

“Okay, good.” Sonia smiled.

His answer made the rest ease up, waving before breaking from the kitchen. A bit of an anti climatic moment to a good day, but Nagito supposed someone being injured would do that. However, Hinata walked up to him. The fluttering and warmth in his chest rose again. Nagito suddenly forgot about his bandaged hand, swallowing thickly.

“Sorry about the cup.” Nagito said instead.

“It’s fine.” Hinata quickly said, “As long as you’re okay.”

“Yeah… it’s fine…” Nagito muttered, shuffling.

It was time. He could tell his response… let Hinata know how he felt. What would he say? It had to be elegant and smooth… worded properly…

“Yes.” He blurted out before blushing hotly.

Hinata didn’t waste time. He blushed too and immediately caught onto his meaning. Nagito winced. That wasn’t graceful at all… he had to damage control it…

“I… mean… I thought about it and… um… we can try dating… I’d like it.” Crap. That wasn’t better at all… he made it worse…

“That’s…” Hinata stammered a bit before a large smile filled his face, “I’m happy… very happy. Would you like to… do something…?” He paused, “Tomorrow? I mean… I want to do something today but… I got the Program to check and…”

Oh, good. Nagito wasn’t the only stammering one. And… that was good too… later was… better. He nodded before Hinata could think he was going to change his mind.

“Yes, that’s great. What should we do?”

“Um… whatever we like?” Hinata asked.

That sounded… casual and that was good. Nagito smiled, “I’d love that.”

“Great.” Hinata’s smile grew, “So… um… I got to check on the Program and… but I’m very happy.” He quickly assured, “I’ll see you… tomorrow.”

Right. Nagito felt the fluttering evolve to full on waves, “Tomorrow.”

~

Oh, no… a date.

Date.

The word burned in Nagito’s mind, warm and blistering at the same time. The high from his kitchen fiasco burned along with everything from the day was mixing in him, creating an already warm glow to his insides. But then he had answered Hinata and he had said yes.

Yes.

Nagito wasn’t sure it was possible, but the word burned hotter than date. Yes. He had agreed, both to try dating and to go out on a date. He had agreed to something Hinata had asked out of his own volition.

_(“Don’t screw this up. One wrong move and Hinata will hate you.”)_

_(“No… it will go well. And even if it does, Hinata won’t hate you.”)_

Swallowing, Nagito flopped onto his bed, mindful of his hand, feeling the burning turn into a fluttering, like flames dancing in the wind, as butterflies erupted from the tips, flapping their wings in a confined space, hitting his walls, making his heart feel like it was about to burst. The soot and coal of self doubt was minor compared to the heat and flames of excitement rushing inside him. Grinning a bit too big, Nagito hugged his pillow to his chest. A date. The two of them.

_(“It won’t go well, Hinata will regret it. You’ll make a fool out of yourself.”)_

_(“Don’t worry about it! You will have fun. That’s all you have to worry about.”)_

Positive. Nagito savoured the word on his tongue. He had to be positive… he had to believe it would go well. Maybe it wouldn’t but… maybe if he focused more on a positive outcome, it wouldn’t go bad.

Right?

~

Oh, no… a date.

Date.

Hajime shut the door behind him and collapsed onto the floor, legs giving out from underneath him. Something bubbled inside him, welling up from the cracks in his heart, spilling everywhere, rushing into every crevice of his body.

Komaeda had said yes. He had agreed to try dating. He hadn’t said no, or rejected Hajime after all he’d done. And… he had said yes to a date.

Yes.

The word somehow caused another wave to rush over him, threatening to engulf Hajime in the tide, carry him like a piece of drift wood. It was overwhelming. Komaeda had said yes out of his own volition and concluded on his own terms. What would they do? There were so many possibilities, so many options…

What if Hajime pushed Komaeda too hard? Something half froze inside of him. What if Komaeda was too complacent and didn’t complain if something pushed a boundary? What if Hajime accidently made him feel uncomfortable?

No, Hajime firmly exhaled. Komaeda came to him, stated his feelings, and was never shy of telling how he felt. He’d never let Hajime get away with anything and if something did go wrong, it wasn’t the end. Mistakes were human. Relationships were a balance.

Positive.

Hajime had to remain positive. He had to believe all would go well. It would do no good to worry over something he couldn’t control entirely. If he focused remaining positive then if things went wrong they could work to fix it and not get stuck on the mistake.

Standing up with a bit of a wobbly gait, Hajime walked over to the computers and sat down with an ungraceful flop. He had some work to do… but his mind blanked and all he could do was smile and stare at the screen for an embarrassing long time before he kicked himself to work.

~

Morning came both too quickly and too slowly. Nagito forced himself out of bed. His hand didn’t tingle anymore and the bandages stayed on nicely. At once he felt all the emotions rush back to him. Date. He had a date. Walking over to his dresser, Nagito stared at the clothes he had. Did he have to wear something special? Wasn’t that what all the movies showed and books described? He stared. All that was inside was regular pants and shirts. No… it was fine… Hinata wouldn’t care… slowly, Nagito picked out some clothes, different from what he usually wore. The shirt was an almost pastel shade of green and the pants an almost dark brown colour. Forgoing his jacket, his heart was pounding so hard and his skin so warm, Nagito exited.

Tsumiki was in the restaurant along with Souda, who was chatting non-stop, with Tsumiki nodding, eyes bright. From what Nagito could gather, Souda was telling about the mystery project sitting in his cabin.

“Good morning.” Nagito greeted.

“Ah, good morning.” Souda broke his story, “How’s your hand?”

“It’s fine. Doesn’t tingle.” Nagito lifted it.

Tsumiki, without a word, gently stood up and walked over, a first aid kit revealed in her hands. She pulled another chair up. Nagito silently held his hand out for her. With dexterity, Tsumiki unwrapped the bandages, revealing slightly puffy skin, angry oozing red lines, that glistened a bit. Cleaning the wounds again, she applied a fresh set of bandages to his hand.

“Thank you.” Nagito said.

“You’re w-welcome.” She stood up, first aid kit in hand.

She exited, taking the old bandages with her. Nagito turned back to Souda, who was sipping on a mug of coffee Nagito had missed before.

“So, got any plans for today?” Souda casually asked, “I mean, I know you’re injured, but I do like the company.”

Nagito’s heart soared a bit, but he had to shake his head. Hinata hadn’t said when their date was, but he didn’t want to ruin anything by making him think he changed his mind, “I’m… seeing Hinata today.”

“Okay.” Souda shrugged, “That’s cool. If you got time after though, you’re always welcome to join me later.” He drained his coffee, “I’ll see you around.”

“See you.” Nagito replied.

Souda left and Nagito went to the kitchen, grabbing some food, leaning against the counter, eating. Favouring his left hand, Nagito ate carefully, ignoring the bit of metal under tone. It was a small price to pay. He wasn’t going to try his luck with utensils. He was just finishing up, when Hinata walked in. Nagito swallowed and tried to smile. Should he wave?

“Good morning Komaeda.” Hinata said, waving.

“Good morning Hinata.” Nagito replied, glad the choice was made for him, waving back.

“How’s the hand?” Hinata asked.

“Good. Tsumiki changed the bandages.”

“Great.” Hinata smiled, “I’ll just… get breakfast…” He shuffled over to the fridge, “So… what do you want to do?”

He hadn’t thought of that… Nagito swallowed. Was there a right answer? Surely it didn’t matter what they did… so long as they had fun. “We could just… walk around? Drink something later?”

“Okay.” Hinata agreed, “Sounds like an adventure.”

Adventure… Nagito smiled at the wording. It relaxed him. They didn’t have to plan everything out perfectly… they could… just do what they wanted. Positivity. He reminded himself. It would be fine.

~

The sun wasn’t too high, but the day was still warm. Hajime didn’t mind. Not when he was with Komaeda. True, there wasn’t a lot to do on the Islands, but that didn’t matter. Dates didn’t have to be expensive. It was just two people together, enjoying their company. Walking side by side, Hajime let Komaeda take the lead. Their destination ended up the park, circling around the vast area, dipping into some welcomed shade. In the center was the statue, somehow standing together despite the massive size.

“The statue is huge.” Komaeda hummed.

“Just what I was thinking.” Hajime said.

“…wonder if we can move it.” Komaeda muttered before he flushed.

Hajime blinked and smiled at his words. It was… cute… “Like in a manga or action movie?”

Komaeda chuckled, “Naegi and I had this conversation before.”

Hajime could imagine. He laughed lightly, “So, did you two try to move the statue too?”

“No…” Komaeda muttered, “Sadly it is impossible for us to move it. And would it ruin the… uh… decoration in the park?”

“The park wouldn’t be the same without the statue.” Hajime agreed.

~

Light. Warm. That was all Nagito could feel as they discussed the statue in the park. Everything, from the Program, to the state of the world, to the Island… it melted away. Nagito’s heart was soaring, almost as fluffy as the clouds dotting the sky. Swallowing, Nagito gently reached over, with his left hand, and paused. Would Hinata mind? His other hand was… bandaged, but would the cold metal of his hand be fine? Or should he risk his injured hand and let Hinata hold onto flesh and blood?

Hinata grabbed his left hand without a pause, lacing their fingers together. Nagito nearly jumped at the motion, but couldn’t let go. He wished he could feel the pressure, the weight, and the heat of Hinata’s hand, but this would have to do…

“Let’s move on?” Hinata asked.

“Okay.” Nagito agreed.

They walked and soon their arms brushed and shoulders too. Nagito nearly jumped from the sudden jolt of warmth that filled his arm. A smile filled his face. It was so corny… they were just holding hands, one of the hands metal, but he didn’t care. It, was perfect.

Walking in a blissful silence, they made their way to the diner, Hinata pushing the door open. Letting go of Nagito’s hand, Hinata went behind the counter and opened the fridge. Nagito blinked.

“Since when did we keep drinks in here?”

“Since forever?” Hinata asked, “What do you want?”

“Anything is fine.” Nagito replied.

Hinata pulled out a bottle filled with pink liquid and opened it casually with his hands. Nagito stared and flushed. That had to be a remnant of Kamukura bleeding out. Pulling some straws out, Hinata walked over and sat down, placing the glass bottle between them. Oh, wow… this was cute… sharing a drink. Nagito felt his blush darken. He leaned over and sipped the drink. It was slightly fruity and carbonated. He swallowed and tasted watermelon and strawberry.

“It’s good.” He sipped some more.

“That’s good. We have a case of this around… thought we should try it.” Hinata sipped it.

Nagito raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t know what flavour this was?”

“I guessed?” Hinata asked.

“Good thing your guess was safe.” Nagito ribbed.

“Hey...” Hinata sighed, but smiled after, “At least you like it. Would have been a bit awkward.”

“I think most people like pop.” Nagito concluded.

“True.” Hinata sipped some more. “This really is good. I can’t believe this is my first time trying it.”

“First time for everything.” Nagito reminded him.

“Very wise.” Hinata leaned back.

“I’m a regular fortune cookie.” Nagito replied.

Hinata laughed and it was lovely. Nagito tried to not stare, but he couldn’t help himself. This was so casual and nice… nothing awkward, just the two of them hanging out. Was this what all dates were? He wasn’t sure, but Nagito liked it. Sipping more of the drink, Nagito wondered if there was something special he could do. Wasn’t that what should happen? Gifts? More intimate moments? Nagito flushed and caught his gaze on Hinata’s lips.

This was ridiculous… they had kissed before… but not like this… not when both of their feelings were in the air. Suddenly, Nagito was aware of how easily the feelings could get damaged. One wrong move… one wrong thing said…

He looked away, biting his lip. No… a kiss on the first date looked… desperate… and suggested he had other plans besides simply getting to know each other. His lips tingled in protest, but Nagito immediately ignored it. This date was going well. No need to push things.

~

The success of the date made the rest of Hajime’s week feel great. Twirling in the chair, he checked the monitors again. Everything was working, Alter Ego was a great help, and everything felt on track.

 _“You’re very happy. I’m glad.”_ Alter Ego said.

“Things feel great.” Hajime said truthfully, “Largely thanks to you.”

 _“I am very pleased to hear that.”_ Alter Ego chirped, _“Also, I have planned something new.”_ The screen turned to a sound panel, _“I’ve updated your alarm system, connecting it to the speakers on Island Four and the restaurant. If a new development occurs, I can notify you of the situation.”_

Oh, wow. Hajime smiled, “That’s great. Thank you, Alter Ego.”

Hajime swore a pixelated blush filled his cheeks, but before Hajime could confirm, the door to the lab opened, Komaeda poking his head inside.

“Hinata!” He walked in, “I… thought you might be hungry.” He held up a wrapped lunch.

How sweet. Hajime smiled, “Thank you Komaeda. Why don’t you join me?”

“Okay.” Komaeda pulled another chair and sat down, unwrapping it, “Sorry it’s just onigiri…”

“That’s fine. Looks delicious.” Hajime grabbed one, “Thanks for the food.” He bit into it, tasting some sort of fish inside, “This is great.”

“You’re welcome.” Komaeda ate one slowly, “How’s work?”

“Good.” Hajime pointed to the computers, “Everything is running smoothly and… hopefully more people will wake up.”

Komaeda took another bite of his onigiri and chewed thoughtfully, “I wonder what they see.”

Hajime glanced over, “You didn’t see anything?”

“Not that I remember.” Komaeda replied shrugging, finishing off his onigiri, “It all came to me afterwards.”

That was an understatement. Hajime held his tongue. No need to remind Komaeda of how he acted when he woke up. Things were getting better now. Hajime could feel it. Silently he reached out and touched Komaeda’s hand, the bandaged one.

“There are less bandages.”

“Tsumiki says it has healed well.” Komaeda replied, “You can’t see the lines on my fingers.” He pointed to his ring and pinky finger. “Soon it will be healed.” He paused and curled his fingers, “I know Tsumiki has probably told you I apologized to her.”

Hajime exhaled, “Yes, she did.”

Komaeda looked down and bit his lip a bit, a light flush across his cheeks, “I want to thank you… she hasn’t said much to me, but… she has dutifully tended to my injuries and the follow up.”

That was true. Hajime smiled and squeezed Komaeda’s hand, “It wasn’t all me. Tsumiki… she needs time too. Perhaps this is her way to bridge a bit of that gap you two have. It will work out in the end, I know it.”

“So positive.” Komaeda chuckled, “But, thank you.”

~

They walked back to the hotel together, hands laced. As they walked through the gate, Hajime saw everyone chatting by the pool.

“What’s up?” Hajime asked, tugging Komaeda along.

Owari beamed and practically jumped, “We’re going to do fireworks tonight!”

“We… are…?” Komaeda tilted his head, “Sounds like fun.”

“Yes!” Owari puffed her chest, “Summer is almost over and we haven’t set off fireworks once!”

“…technically you can’t tell if it’s summer on a tropical island… usually they’re set by wet and dry seasons.” Kuzuryuu muttered.

Owari shot a glare, “Fireworks. Tonight.”

Souda cheered, “We can set off a massive one!” His eyes sparkled a bit too brightly.

“…we should do it on the beach to be safe.” Hajime intervened, “And have buckets of water.”

“Yes, yes,” Souda waved him off, “Oh, this is going to be so, much, FUN!”

It would. Hajime watched as Owari took over, instructing everyone to grab things and bring them to the beach off the first island. Cooking duty landed on Hajime, and he wasn’t too surprised. Looking over at Komaeda, who was still holding his hand, Hajime tugged it, “Want to help me?”

“You’re trusting me in the kitchen after this?” Komaeda waved their laced hands together.

“Accidents like that don’t ban you from the kitchen.” Hajime answered.

“…So, there are accidents that would ban me?” Komaeda tilted his head.

“… Let’s not go there.”  Hajime sighed, “Come along.”

Walking to the restaurant, Hajime did a mental calculation to what they could eat. He could just make snack food. They’d have to wait till night and by then people would have eaten something. Making a quick list, Hajime started to rattle off ingredients, watching as Komaeda moved to help him.

~

Nagito balanced the cooler on one shoulder and the plate of cookies in his hands. Hinata shot a worried look when he first picked the cooler up, but didn’t stop him. It wasn’t too heavy and the beach wasn’t too far. The night had cooled considerably, but it was still hot, less humid, but still muggy.

Owari had blankets and other things set up on the beach, sporting a yukata, loosely tied and simple in design. Nagito looked down at his clothes. He hadn’t changed. Was a yukata a requirement for the evening? It seemed so. Sonia was wearing one with delicate flowers and bold lines, Kuzuryuu with an appropriate dark grey with a silver dragon curling around the front to the back, Tsumiki in a dark purple with white and yellow flowers, and Souda with a navy, diagonally stripped yukata. Nagito didn’t even have one.

“What are you wearing?” Owari demanded as she spotted him, “Go change.”

“I don’t have a yukata.” Nagito protested, setting the cooler down.

“No problem, we picked one out for you.” Kuzuryuu said, walking up, holding an folded yukata, olive green with some light blue peaking at the edges.

Nagito blinked, “Do you want me to strip and change here? I don’t mind… forward of you, but that’s fine.” Nagito reached for the hem of his shirt.

“No, not here.” Kuzuryuu barely batted an eye, “Over there,” He pointed to a small tent set up away, “Owari sprung this on all of us.”

Well, at least she planned it and didn’t make him go back to his cabin. Nagito followed Kuzuryuu into the tent, stepping into a slightly cramped space. Kuzuryuu calmly waited, gaze turned. Nagito quickly took off his clothes, tossing them onto the ground. Reaching over, Nagito took the yukata from Kuzuryuu, putting it on, closing it over himself. It fit well.

“Here.” Kuzuryuu held out a grey obi. “Turn around.”

He moved smoothly, tying the knot well. Nagito wiggled his arms a bit, “Thanks, you’re good at this.”

“Yukata are nothing compared to some kimono obi.” Kuzuryuu sighed, “I often got roped into helping with Natsumi.”

Natsumi? Nagito pondered the name. It wasn’t ringing any bells, but if he had to guess, it was his sister. He held his tongue.

“And done…” Kuzuryuu stepped back a bit, “We got a blanket for setting our clothes on.” He eyed Nagito’s crumpled pants and shirt, “You might want to shake those out a bit.”

“I’m sure they’re fine.” Nagito muttered, “Once I accidently left some clothes outside when it rained and nothing got wet.”

“Fantastic. I’m not taking a chance. Shake those out.” Kuzuryuu left.

Nagito sighed and picked up his clothes, giving a bit of a shake. A little bit of sand flew out, but not a lot. He smiled.

~

Hinata was wearing a yukata by the time Nagito walked out. He blinked. Perhaps Hinata had a wave of inspiration… or he just changed somewhere else. Dropping his clothes onto the blanket, Nagito then headed towards the others. Upon being close to Hinata, Nagito could spot a subtle leaf design woven into the almost rustic red brown fabric.

“Now that we’re all here, let’s start!” Owari cheered, waving some simple sparklers in his hands.

“I can’t remember the last time I did this.” Sonia took one from Owari.

“M-Me neither.” Tsumiki gripped hers a bit too tightly.

“I found a lot in the Market!” Owari pressed one into his hand and darted over to Hinata. “We got a variety.”

Nagito glanced over at the pile. There were a variety, from sparklers, to ones that launched into the sky a bit, to some that were circular and meant to spin around, and many more Nagito couldn’t see.

After everyone had a sparkler, Owari flipped a lighter and quickly lit everyone’s. Nagito stared at the almost blue light coming off his sparkler, the sparks bouncing into the sky. It was a soft burn, not crazy. Everyone’s sparklers were a variety of colours, from green, to red, to a simple white. When they faded, Nagito plopped the burnt stick into the bucket of water.

Light after light, firework after firework. Nagito felt a smile grace his face as they moved from soft ones, to fireworks that burned for solid minutes, bright and warm. Souda and Owari began to run with a few of them, making Hinata bite his lip and call after, but the laughter that rang on the beach was worth it. Nagito dropped another burnt out firework and reached for another.

“Here, let me light that.”

Hinata dropped beside him and flicked a second lighter, pressing the flame to the firework. Nagito watched as the light burned in front of them, dancing off Hinata’s cheeks and face. He looked so warm and soft in the light. Nagito swallowed. Everyone else was far away, their voices dimly hitting his ears. It was just him and Hinata.

“Having fun?” Hinata asked.

“Y-yes.” Nagito stammered, “You?”

“This is great.” Hinata answered, “Though maybe before it gets too late I should tell everyone about the shaved ice.”

“Okay.” Nagito agreed, “I want a melon flavoured one.”

“Of course.” Hinata walked to the others.

Their firework lighting was put on hold as Hinata sat down with a small hand cranked ice shaver and began to finely grind the ice into paper cups, handing Nagito the first one, dyed green from the melon flavouring.

Eating silently on the blanket, Nagito snuggled a bit closer to Hinata, who in turn wrapped his arm delicately around him. If everyone saw, no one commented. Surprisingly, Nagito didn’t care, though they already saw him with hickeys on his neck. Perhaps he should apologize for that later. He never really did.

His shaved ice was barely done, when Owari and Souda bounced back up, theirs somehow consumed, and started to grab some of the fireworks that would launch, setting the fireworks up in the sand, making sure they wouldn’t fly at them. Nagito took another bite of his, starting to get at the end of his shaved ice, the bottom looking more like a syrupy drink. Finishing it off, Nagito licked his lips, tasting the last of the melon taste.

“Hey, hurry up!” Owari yelled, “We’re set, help us light these up!”

“Okay,” Hinata stood up and glanced at him. “Are you coming?”

“I think I’ll stay here.” Nagito said, “Something could go wrong.”

“Right.” Hinata set his empty paper cup into a small plastic bag.

Everyone, except him and Tsumiki were starting to light the fireworks. Nagito glanced over. Tsumiki was poking at the remains of her shaved ice, red in colour.

“Did you like it?” Nagito ventured to ask.

Tsumiki nearly jumped, but she looked over steadily, “Y-yes… this was g-good.”

“I haven’t had shaved ice in a while.” Nagito continued.

“M-me too…” Tsumiki was talking to him. Nagito felt a small wave of warmth in his heart. “H-How’s the hand?”

“Healed up, just like the nurse said it would.” Nagito waved his hand, “Well, almost healed.”

Tsumiki flushed a bit, but before she could say anything, the others returned, sitting back down. Nagito looked at the set-up fireworks. Nothing was going off, but it would probably take a while. Hinata was beside him again, so Nagito took the moment to lightly snuggle.

The fireworks began to light, the rockets flying a bit up before exploding into an array of colours and light. Soon the beach was lit with the fireworks, not too loud, beautiful, and calming. Nagito reached for Hinata’s hand, touching it. This counted as a date, he supposed, and there was really no reason to hide much from the others.

“This is really nice.” Nagito whispered to Hinata.

“It is.” Hinata took his hand, “Small, but nice. Maybe if we check the Military base later we’ll find bigger fireworks?”

The Fifth Island. Nagito shivered a bit, remembering his first and last trip there. “…right tell me if you find anything.”

Hinata looked over, eyes slightly wide, fingers a bit tighter around his hand, “I… didn’t mean to…”

A firework went off with a surprisingly loud pop. Nagito nearly jumped, but didn’t look at the light, his gaze caught on Hinata. “It’s fine. Don’t worry.”

The sound died down and the light too. Owari immediately stood up to start cleaning up, followed by the rest, but Hinata didn’t leave, just kept staring with a blank expression, before he gently squeezed Nagito’s hand one last time and stood up.

“We also made pudding.”

“That’s wonderful!” Sonia clapped her hands, “Japanese pudding is the best!”

“Help me give it out?” Hinata asked softly.

Nagito considered it a subtle apology. He nodded and opened the cooler, pulling out the glass cups. Giving a pudding to everyone, they began to eat in relative silence. The atmosphere was smooth, languid and laced with mint leaves. It was nice. This evening, was nice.

~

After cleaning up, Hajime waited for everyone to leave, before he walked with Komaeda back to the hotel. The empty cooler was around his shoulders, but he’d put it back in the restaurant in the morning. Everything was great, the evening fun, and fireworks a good idea. Too bad he accidently opened his mouth and inserted his foot and mentioned the Fifth island. Of course, Komaeda wouldn’t want to visit the island, not after what happened in the Program. He should have thought about that earlier.

“Sorry.” Hajime blurted out as they neared the cabins, “For… earlier.”

Komaeda blinked, “It’s nothing, really. It wasn’t intentional and I can handle it. I just don’t want to go to the Fifth Island any time soon.”

Right. Hajime still felt a bit of a twist in his stomach, but he let the subject drop. If Komaeda was fine, then pursuing the topic was redundant. Stopping in front of Komaeda’s cabin with him, Hajime stepped back and let Komaeda open the door.

“Well, we still had fun.” Hajime said, feeling his heart pick up it’s rate.

This was like… walking his date to the door, right? Weren’t there expectations for this sort of thing? Was this considered pushing Komaeda too much? It wasn’t accidently giving the wrong idea, right? Hajime’s cheeks warmed up despite a small voice reminding him that they had kissed multiple times already.

“And the pudding was a success. Thanks for helping again.” Hajime’s voice sounded like it was ringing out of a tin can.

“No problem.” Komaeda unlocked his door, turned and shuffled a bit, “I guess… good night?”

Good night. Yes. That… was the thing he should say… it was proper and not suggestive. “Good night Komaeda, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

There. That was it. He couldn’t push things. One real “date” and an outing with their friends was a bit too fast. Hajime swallowed and his lips felt dry. His hands were a bit warm and Hajime suddenly felt his stomach drop with how ridiculous he was acting. There was nothing, he was over thinking this. Stepping a bit back, Hajime tried to smoothly walk away, but Komaeda sighed loudly.

Reaching out, Komaeda tugged him with a surprising force into a hug, a slightly awkward one as their shoulders smacked together a bit, Hajime’s arms flailing and smacking the side of Komaeda’s shoulder. But, they found their balance, Komaeda pressing into him. Shuffling, Hajime regained control over his arms and wrapped them around Komaeda.

“I could hear your thoughts.” Komaeda grumbled, “They were so loud.”

Great, he was caught in the act, “Sorry…”

Komaeda pulled away a bit, staring him down, “You’re over thinking.”

“Sorry I am.” Hajime winced, “I’ll stop…”

“We’ve kissed before.” Komaeda said the words Hajime’s brain was thinking, “No need to suddenly get weird about it.”

“You’re right, just that was sort of different and I wasn’t sure if this time…”

Komaeda pulled him closer and kissed him, effectively shutting Hajime up. Their lips sealed warmly, almost perfectly, as Komaeda kissed with a softness, a tenderness. He pulled away for a moment, licking Hajime’s lips in a gesture that was more erotic than Hajime had anticipated. Their lips met again, with a soft, groan and quiet wet sounds as their kiss got a bit deeper, a little heavier than before. He could feel Komaeda’s tongue inside his, and the taste of melon and pudding in his mouth. It was surprisingly not overwhelmingly sweet. Hinata stumbled a bit, but they managed to kiss without any injury.

When they parted for air, there was a warm puff against his lips as Komaeda pulled away, a bit of saliva breaking from their lips. Hajime’s heart was racing, a warmth spread around his body, one that felt right and familiar. Komaeda breathlessly laughed against him, hugging tightly.

“We’re kind of silly sometimes.” Komaeda muttered, “This wasn’t our first-time kissing.”

“You already said that…”

“And we sort of have a history of being together.” Komaeda continued.

“Memories I don’t really have.” Hajime mildly reminded.

Komaeda pinched him, “I’m just saying, us dancing around… kissing is rather silly. At least, I think so…”

“Perhaps… you’re right.” Hajime muttered.

Komaeda pulled away, hugging Hajime one last time, “Of course I’m right.” He cheekily said. “Good night Hinata. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night Komaeda.” Hajime replied.

He waited until the door shut before he made his way back to his cabin. Opening the door, Hajime beelined to his bed and flopped down, a wide smile filling his face. Warmth filled his heart and he couldn’t help but laugh a bit.

~

Nagito flopped onto his bed, heart pounding, lips tingling. What had come over him to go for the kiss was beyond him, but he’d never complain. It was… electric, thrilling. Kissing Hinata had not lost the novelty, the joy that rushed through his blood. Letting out a small laugh that radiated his joy, Nagito curled under his covers.

_(“See? It went well! You got this! Hinata likes you a lot too!”)_

“Thank you voice in my head.” Nagito muttered into his pillow, “It’s like… having a cheerleader in my head… one not malicious.”

The voice didn’t answer, but Nagito liked to think it was that girl, the one in the classroom all the time. He closed his eyes and saw her sitting at the desk, smiling a bit smugly, but overall happy. His heart swelled and Nagito opened his eyes. Who was she?

He had read something once that people’s brains couldn’t make up random faces… was that true? If so… she had to have been a real person, perhaps someone he knew? Nagito hadn’t followed through finding out or getting the picture from Hinata. Things had caused that to be pushed to the side, but perhaps he should pursue it later.

“I’ll ask Hinata tomorrow.” Nagito decided before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monokuma Kid's song: I bought UDG on Steam and every time I had to deal with the Beast Monokumas I'd hear the song and enjoy it (despite really hating the stealth rooms).
> 
> Massage: I headcanon that Owari got good at massages after hanging out with Nidai. Of course, not as good as his, but decent enough.
> 
> Tea Pouring: It's considered rude in (in the only cultures I know of for sure) Chinese and Japanese culture to pour your own drinks at functions (like staff dinners or family dinners). You're supposed to pour other people's drinks, not your own. In Japan during staff parties people can go around the table to talk to others and usually that involves refilling whatever the person is drinking.
> 
> Statue: I couldn't help but reference Island Mode with Komaeda.
> 
> Alter Ego: I decided to write with male pronouns.
> 
> Onigiri: Rice balls that can be filled with a variety of fillings, usually savoury.
> 
> Yukata: Cotton kimono that are worn in summer due to being light weight. Come in a variety of colours, designs, and patterns. Very cute.
> 
> Melon: Is a very popular taste in Japan. Also last week I had melon flavoured shaved ice and it was great.
> 
> Pudding: Japanese pudding is firmer, more like a firmer Jell-O consistency. It is really easy to make and a favourite dessert in Japan, especially among kids.
> 
> Kiss: About time they shared another one.


	16. Knowledge of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long with the update!!!!
> 
> Between moving back to Canada, seeing friends and family all the time, I also got a matching tattoo with my sister and my one arm was sore for a while, so writing wasn't happening. I promise I'll write the next bit of Moving next and hopefully finish my child! Chiaki story (and finally get to the prompt I was given). 
> 
> Anyways thank you for all the support. I know I always say it, but I cannot imagine where this story would be without all the lovely kudos and comments you leave me. So, thank you always! Until next chapter!

Hajime had barely sat down with his food when Komaeda walked up and sat beside him, plopping down with a rustle of clothes. Turning to greet him, Hajime opened his mouth, but was stopped by a soft kiss, warm and full. He blinked, but kissed back, letting Komaeda pick how long and involved it got. When they broke away, Hajime gasped a bit for air, but was smiling.

“Good morning to you too.” Hajime pushed his plate so it was in the middle, “Did you sleep well?”

“Morning Hinata.” Komaeda reached for the fork, stabbing and breaking a bit of fish, “I slept well.” He ate the fish, “I have a question.”

“Okay.” Hajime pried the fork from his fingers and stabbed a cube of melon.

“Can I read the files on my class?” Komaeda asked.

Hajime bit into the melon slowly. Right. Didn’t Komaeda ask this earlier? He chewed methodically. Yes… he did, but he had forgotten. Hajime couldn’t remember when Komaeda first asked, but it didn’t really matter now.

“Sure, we can go after breakfast.” Hajime answered.

“Thank you Hinata.”

~

Nagito lightly touched the spines of the books, inhaling, taking in the musky smell of leather, paper, and dust. Light was slowly pouring into the library, casting shadows and sunny patches. Dust danced in the light and Nagito made a small note to come over and clean. Preferably alone. It would be nice to have a moment to himself, and the library was one of the best places for that.

“Here.” Hinata walked up to him, holding a rather thin black book, “It’s not much, but this is all I could find.”

Nagito swallowed and took the book. It was heavier than he expected. Staring at the front, he touched the cover. Would he find out who that girl was? What if she wasn’t a classmate? How would he ever find out who she was then? He only had looks to go by and there was a strong chance the others wouldn’t know anything either.

Sitting down on the table, Nagito curled his fingers under the cover and opened the file. The first page was the student profile of Owari. Her title while she was in Hope’s Peak was there with some small notes about her. Nagito flipped the pages, scanning profile after profile of his classmates, both awake and not awake, before he hit the last page. His fingers hovered. What if… he didn’t find her? It was beginning to look like that. The edges of the paper began to blur.

“Are you okay?” Hinata lay a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not breathing.”

He wasn’t? Nagito sucked in air and immediately felt less dizzy, less blurring around the edges. Looking over at Hinata, Nagito gave a smile, “I’m fine. Sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize over.” Hinata reassured.

“Okay…” Nagito looked at the book again.

This was it. He firmly gasped the paper and turned the page. His heart stopped. There she was, shorter than he expected, with a hoodie so large, her hands were nearly covered. An almost sleepy smile was on her face as she looked back at him with warm eyes. Nagito touched her picture and trailed his fingers down to her file.

“Nanami… Chiaki.” He read softly, “Ultimate… Gamer.”

Nanami… Chiaki. She had a name. Nagito’s heart leapt. He looked at the file. There was a bit more, about her previous schools, but there was a note about her being their class representative. Nagito turned the page over, but the back was blank. Nothing else, just a profile on a girl in his head. Nothing about what happened to her or why she wasn’t on the island with them. Did that mean she was dead?

“Hinata…” Nagito softly spoke, “Do you know this… Nanami Chiaki?”

Hinata sucked in a breath, “She… looks familiar… but as far as I know nothing else is here about your class.”

Nagito deflated. Of course, one question answered, dozen more questions appearing. Wasn’t that always how it was?

“Do you want to know more about her?” Hinata asked before he continued without an answer, “I can ask Naegi about her. He might have more information at his disposal.”

Hinata would… ask? Nagito set the file down and hugged him, unsure why his heart fluttered or why a smile was fighting to appear on his face.

“Thank you Hinata.”

“It’s no problem.” Hinata hugged him back.

~

Hajime waited until Komaeda left before he touched the file again, staring at Nanami. His heart was twisting and pulling. He frowned and closed the file. Why? He didn’t remember her… though that wasn’t saying too much. He had forgotten a lot. Hajime wouldn’t be surprised if he had known her before. That wasn’t the mystery. The mystery, was at what capacity did he know her? Picking the file up, Hajime set it back on the shelf. No matter. Naegi had to know something. Hajime was sure if he just asked, he’d get answers. Maybe not pleasant answers, or answers they were hoping for (what answer Hajime was hoping for, even he wasn’t sure anymore), they had to face it. One way, or another.

~

Nagito slowly walked back to his cabin, a slight bounce in his steps. Now that he had asked Hinata and an answer would come eventually, he had his day cleared. What should he do? Clean his cabin? Go on a walk?

“Hey, Komaeda!” Souda poked his head out his door, yelling and waving, “Come help me!”

Or he could help Souda on whatever mystery project he was doing. Nagito walked over and slipped inside, feeling the kiss of cool air as the fan in the center of the room rotated. In the center of the room by the fan was the project, just as Nagito remembered it, sitting on a grease stained blanket with parts scattered all over. Souda’s toolkit sat near, open with everything in disarray. Souda was already sitting down, wrench in hand, waving to Nagito. He shut the door softly.

“Come, sit over here.” He pointed to a pillow on the floor.

Nagito eyed it, “Is that… your pillow off your bed?”

“Yes!” Souda laughed, “Don’t worry it’s the extra one.”

Nagito sat down. Souda started to work, turning some knobs before motioning for Nagito to pass him a screwdriver. Dutifully, Nagito handed the tool, watching as Souda fluidly switched, humming a bit.

“So… how’s the hand?” Souda asked.

“It’s healed.” Nagito waved his hand.

“Good.” Souda set the screwdriver and wrench down, reaching for another metal part.

Nagito glanced. It was long and thin, almost like piping. “What are we even making?”

“I told you already,” Souda grinned, “It’s a surprise.”

“So… no hints?” Nagito asked.

“No hints.” Souda agreed, twirling the metal pipe, “Now, let’s keep working!”

~

Tsumiki was sitting on the sand, staring at the beach. Hajime turned off the bridge towards her, walking loud enough that she’d hear. The waves were lapping rhythmically, the sound almost soothing. Hajime carefully sat beside her, feeling the grains of the sand dig into his palms, warm and gritty.

“I… had a bad dream.” Tsumiki spoke softly, “I-I could feel M-Mioda through the rope. S-she was struggling… g-gasping for air. I-I robbed her of that.”

Her hands clutched her skirt, balling the fabric up into small wrinkles and creases. Her shoulders shook a bit and she bit her lip.

“I-Is it okay to n-not forgive yourself?” She whispered, “T-to be disgusted b-by your actions?”

Hajime slowly reached over and touched her hand. Tsumiki didn’t flinch, so he began to uncurl her fingers from her skirt.

“I think it’s normal for us to be disgusted by ourselves from time to time.” Hajime slowly said, “We all make mistakes. It’s okay to reflect on what we’ve done but… we can’t let it consume us. It’s in the past. You aren’t that person anymore.”

“B-but what if… I… relapse?”

“Then we’ll be here to pull you back.” Hajime firmly replied.

Tsumiki choked and inhaled a bit too sharply. Her grip on his hand tightened and soon Hajime could feel her tears, warm on his hand, as she doubled over, body shaking. Carefully, he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and slowly patted them, rubbing soothing circles.

~

The evening was cool and Hajime thirsty. Shutting his cabin door, Hajime stretched and began a light jog out of the hotel to the market. With the sun down, the night was cool and the island dark. It was refreshing to walk outside without sweating. Hajime smiled and silently vowed to go outside more when the sun was down.

As he approached the market, he saw Komaeda through the windows and door, staring at some snacks. Stepping inside, Hajime smiled as the door still made a ding sound throughout the market. Komaeda looked up and smiled.

“Hinata, good evening.”

“Good evening.” Hajime walked over to the back and pulled out a bottle of water, “Just wanted some water.” He added, even though it felt obvious.

Komaeda nodded, “You… free?”

“Free?” Hajime raised an eyebrow, “I suppose I am.”

“Want to… walk around?” Komaeda asked.

“Sure.” Hajime replied.

They exited the market, Komaeda pocketing a package of beef jerky into his oversized jacket pockets. Hajime walked beside him, opening his water, taking a long sip. They walked until they reached the ranch. Komaeda walked over and sat on the fence, balancing precariously. Pulling the jerky from his pocket he opened the package and began to slowly eat. Hajime walked over and leaned against the fence, but didn’t sit.

“Want some?” Komaeda offered, “Though is it bad to eat jerky in a ranch?”

Hajime accepted one and slowly chewed, “I think it’s fine.”

Komaeda finished his piece and reached for another, “How was your day? I mean after we saw each other.”

“Talked to Tsumiki.” Hajime replied, “Did some work. You?”

“I helped Souda.” Komaeda answered, “He still hasn’t told me what I’m helping him on.”

Hajime hummed, “Want me to guess?” He’d just have to see what Souda had and…

“No, that’s fine.” Komaeda shook his head, “I suppose it’s a surprise.” He moved the jerky closer to Hajime, “Another?”

Accepting the offer, Hajime chewed, savouring the salty and spicy flavour of the meat. The wind picked up a bit, ruffling Komaeda’s hair and Hajime’s tie. Goosebumps appeared on Hajime’s arms and he crossed them, frowning.

“Here.” Komaeda leaned closer and set his jacket on Hajime’s shoulders.

“Aren’t you cold?” Hajime protested.

Komaeda shook his head, “I’m fine.” He waved his arm, “I got longer sleeves.”

True… but they only went to his elbows. Still, if he said so. Hajime put the jacket on, feeling the weight on his shoulders. The smell of sand and a burnt smell, almost like salt and caramel mixed into a fireplace. Hajime inhaled subtly and shifted, sitting a bit closer to Komaeda. As they munched on the jerky, Komaeda carefully wrapped an arm around Hajime, pulling him a bit closer, fingers hesitantly resting on Hajime’s hips. Hajime shifted and rested his head carefully on Komaeda’s shoulder. Komaeda stiffened, his shoulders tensing and his hand tightening, but slowly his hand relaxed and his shoulders dropping. Hiding his smile, Hajime didn’t move and stayed with Komaeda, eating the jerky until it was gone.

~

“I’ve decided something.” Kuzuryuu stated the next morning, tapping the table.

Nagito looked up over his toast. Hinata sat beside him, glowering at his choice for breakfast. No doubt he was going to slip more food on his plate. Nagito felt a small flutter in his chest. After last night (a second date?), everything was on a fluttering mode. It was like he had swallowed a jar of butterflies, all curling and beating their wings in his stomach. All he had to do was close his eyes and see Hinata’s blushing face as they hung out (under the label of a date? Nagito was hoping it counted). At this point, if Hinata shoved breakfast, lunch, and dinner on his plate all at the same time, Nagito wouldn’t have the strength to argue.

“Decided what?” Owari asked lazily, leg half up on her chair, a sausage speared crudely to her fork as she munched.

“We need to do something.” Kuzuryuu continued.

“We just did.” Souda pointed out, “Shaved ice complete with fireworks.”

“I don’t mean like that.” Kuzuryuu corrected, “I mean we usually do what we want, unless there is a pressing matter. I am suggesting we have a group project to do together.”

“Like a goal?” Sonia asked, “Some sort of achievement in our day?”

“Exactly.” Kuzuryuu nodded, “So we can stay motivated.”

Nagito blinked. That… sounded very hopeful of Kuzuryuu, a good idea to keep everyone’s spirits up. Didn’t studies show that people needed goals or expectations to meet in their daily lives? He looked around the table. Everyone was silent, though Souda perked up first, waving his hand wildly in the air.

“Oh, I got a suggestion!” He grinned, “We can write and perform “Little Pink Spikey Hair”!”

Little Pink… what? Nagito stared, waiting for an answer from anyone. Kuzuryuu immediately groaned and glared, “No. Besides, we have no one to perform for.”

“What?” Souda gasped, “Shot down just like that?” He deflated a moment before nodding, “But you make a good argument… very well… we can build something!”

“Like what?” Hinata asked.

“Like… Mechamaru 2.0!” Souda beamed, “It’s what Komaeda has been mainly helping me with! I got some design ideas right now! Like… three different flavours of drinks! And not just a clock, but able to also tell the temperature, predict weather…” He gasped, eyes sparkling, “Oh, or we could make Minimaru! One for each of us! Like a personal Minimaru for each of us…”

 “T-Three drink f-flavours?” Tsumiki’s eyes were wide. “M-Minimaru?”

“Hell yea!” Owari jumped up, “Can you program him to train with me? None of you scrubs want to. It’s getting boring!”

Kuzuryuu’s eye was twitching, Nagito was sure. “That’s… not what I was thinking of.”

Souda deflated again, tugging on his beanie, before huffing and pouting, “…fine… doing it already…” He muttered as he sat down.

He was? Was that what they were making when he helped Souda? Nagito tucked the question away.

“What about…” Sonia tapped her chin, “We repurpose the Old Building?”

Nagito froze in place. The Old Building… he had blocked it from his mind, but it was still on the island, beside the restaurant. He had no desire to go inside or near it… but maybe if they changed some stuff it wouldn’t be bad.

Hinata hummed, “That’s a good idea. Right now, it’s just sitting here. Maybe we can turn it into a multi purpose place? Like the hall into a training room for kendo and then have tables for parties too?”

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Sonia clapped her hands. “I vote for that!”

“M-Me too…” Tsumiki softly spoke.

“… still think my ideas were fine…” Souda muttered, “But… this is good too.”

“Great. It’s decided.” Kuzuryuu grinned, “We can start today. First, cleaning.”

Nagito swallowed. Last time he cleaned in there he had… planned a murder. But not now. He exhaled. No that was in a past lost to him. This time, things were different. Something brushed against his hand. Nagito glanced over and saw Hinata, his hand gently tapping his own, giving a side glance, laced with unspoken words. Nagito’s heart fluttered again and he grabbed Hinata’s hand gently for a moment.

It was fine. He could see the Old Building. The past was firmly in the past. This was fine.

~

They split into groups, focusing on the smaller parts before moving into the bigger areas, like the dining room. Nagito had started in the hall with Sonia and Owari, sweeping the dust covered floor. Sweeping majority of the dust and dirt, they moved towards the office. Nagito wrinkled his nose at the smell of stale wood and dust. Owari coughed and moved in, keeping the door open.

“No time like now.” She mumbled as she took a duster to the desk in a vicious manner.

“Perhaps we have a fan somewhere to help with the smell?” Sonia suggested, starting to sweep. “Maybe in the storage room?”

Nagito swallowed. The storage room… part of his plan and where the hidden entrance was. He gripped the broom handle tightly. His knuckles were white, blood draining slowly away like ink down a drain. Technically there was nothing in the storage room besides boxes, dust, and a few random items. The Old Building hadn’t witnessed a murder, hadn’t had blood soaked into the floor, dripping onto the wood, staining it. There was no bloodied cloth lumped in the hamper, splattered and sprinkled. It was fine.

“Komaeda?” Sonia’s hand gently touched his shoulder, “You’re looking a bit pale.”

“I’m fine.” He automatically replied, “Just… fresh air.”

“Okay, Owari and I can continue cleaning.” Sonia patted his shoulder, “Take your time.”

“Thank you.”

Nagito exited, inhaling the clean air and plopping down on the steps to the Old Building. Leaning a bit back, he tilted his head up, staring at the sky. It was blue as always, through there were some fluffy white clouds floating in sporadic splotches. He looked back at the ground, staring at the wood leading to the Old Building. Nagito exhaled. He’d have to go back inside, help with the cleaning. No amount of avoiding would help him, but… he clutched his pants. Everyone else was fine. Sonia and Owari inside not reacting. Why was he always the weak one? Nagito chuckled hollowly. He had been weak since he woke up and apparently, he wasn’t getting any better.

 _“You’re not weak, you’re healing.”_ Nanami said softly.

“So is everyone else and they’re all fine.” Nagito muttered.

 _“They’re all healing too, in their own ways.”_ Nanami retorted. _“Perhaps small steps? You don’t have to see the storage room today. Or tomorrow. You can do it when you’re ready.”_

That was true. Nagito swallowed and stood up, stretching. She was right. But first, he should get a fan, even if it just blew around stale air it would still be better than nothing. Heading to Souda’s cottage, Nagito knocked cautiously. When no one answered he sighed. Where else did they have fans? Perhaps at the Market? He didn’t remember. Last night he had been preoccupied with Hinata’s arrival.

“Komaeda?” Speak of the devil. “You’re looking for Kazuichi?” Hinata asked.

“Just looking for a fan.” Nagito replied, “An electric one. Not a hand one.” He quickly clarified.

Hinata laughed, “I figured. And you’re in luck, Kazuichi sent me back to grab his tool kit. Apparently, he’s going to fix up the doors to the Old Building?” He waved Souda’s key.

Nagito gave room for Hinata to open the door, letting him walk inside first. Spotting the fan immediately, Nagito went for it, unplugging it and lifting it up. Hinata had the tool kit in hand.

“We’re good in here?” Hinata asked, walking over to him, “Don’t need anything else in here?”

“No, I’m good.” Nagito replied, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Hinata patted his shoulder, “I’ll stop by the Old Building after I give this to Kazuichi.”

The heat from Hinata’s hand sent warm spirals in Nagito’s body. This was ridiculous. He shouldn’t be reduced to a fluttering mess every time Hinata was near him… Nagito glanced sideways, felt his heart swell when he saw Hinata, his smooth cheek… Leaning over he pressed a kiss to the side of Hinata’s face, soft and warm. Hinata blinked and blushed. Nagito pulled away and hid his cough with his hand.

“Um… I’ll see you later.” Nagito quickly said, walking out.

“Wait.” Hinata called.

Nagito turned around. Hinata was closer than he expected, lips pressing to the side of Nagito’s face. It was fleeting, a bare touch of lips to skin, but Nagito savoured the warmth, flushing where Hinata’s lips met his cheek. This… was also ridiculous. They could kiss and make out but a cheek kiss and suddenly they were both blushing morons. Grabbing Hinata’s face with one hand, Nagito sealed their lips together, going for what seemed to be the natural response. The fan slipped in his single grasp, but Nagito didn’t care as soon as Hinata’s tongue hit his, their kiss deepening slightly. When they pulled away, Nagito greedily inhaled oxygen, watching Hinata do the same. A small voice told him the others would think he was taking too long to retrieve a fan, but kissing Hinata was worth it.

~

“That took longer than I thought.” Souda eyed him, “You didn’t have any troubles finding everything, did you?”

“No, no,” Hajime handed the tool kit quickly. “No troubles at all.”

“If you say so…” Souda still stared at him as he accepted the tool kit.

~

“You’re back.” Sonia greeted before frowning slightly, “Did you have any troubles getting the fan?”

Nagito set the fan down, “No, no troubles at all.”

Owari poked his side, “If you say so…” She said as she knelt to turn on the fan.

~

Alter Ego pulled up an email for Hajime, the bright white of the background blinding him. Rubbing his eyes, Hajime hid a yawn behind his hand and wheeled his chair over to the computer screen. Staring at the dark words on the screen, Hajime read the email from Kirigiri, who indicated to an attached file for the information he had requested. Moving the mouse, Hajime clicked the attachment. It opened and Hajime forced himself to read the report.

His eyes hurt when he finished reading, but not as much as his brain. Hajime leaned back in the chair and rubbed his eyes. This file was detailed to the point Hajime wondered who gave the report, but then a twitch in his brain told him to not worry about that. Either way, it was heavy and not something he should hide from the others.

 _“Are you all right Hinata?”_ Alter Ego asked.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Hajime sighed out, “Just… I think I’ll call it a night.”

_“Good idea. It’s very late and sleep is important. Rest well.”_

“Thank you.” Hajime stood up, “Thank you for your hard work.”

He walked out, the cool breeze ruffling his matted locks. Hajime ran his hand through. He should wash his hair and shower up, but his body ached at the idea. Hajime frowned. His hair was so… matted… but having a shower now…

He’d do that later. Along with telling everyone about the files in the morning.

~

Hajime set the file on the table and stared at everyone. It was a wave of luck the majority was at the restaurant (minus Komaeda). Pushing the file towards them, he took a deep breath.

“Earlier Komaeda asked me about your class. We found a lack of information in the library so I took the liberty of asking Naegi for more. Kirigiri emailed me back last night and… this isn’t pleasant.” He forewarned, “But I think it’s for everyone’s benefit to read it. Together.”

Silence. Hajime waited for someone, maybe Sonia or Kuzuryuu to take the file. But it was Tsumiki, who shakily reached out and grabbed it, carefully opening it. Everyone crowded around her, reading it, eyes darting around the page. Hajime took in all their reactions, the gasps, the widening eyes, the adverted gazes… and waited for something… stronger. His gaze danced on everyone, ready to jump up with little warning should something go wrong.

Nothing happened. Hajime allowed himself a deep breath of air, as though holding his breath was a key factor in preventing something bad from occurring.

~

Everyone was in the restaurant when Nagito walked in. He blinked. They were all gathered around a table, some files sitting innocently in the middle. Was this a meeting Nagito somehow didn’t know they were having? Or one they forgot to tell him? Or one they didn’t want him at? Nagito’s hand gripped the banister tightly. What should he do? Leave? Stay?

“Komaeda, you’re here.” Hinata called out, “Please… come I got something to share with you.”

That answered what he should do, but now new questions popped up. Was this… serious? It had to be with everyone at the table not talking. Was it something he did? Nagito scrambled to think. He hadn’t done anything to hurt anyone, right? He froze. Or what if someone took something he did and misunderstood? What defense did he have?

“Remember when you asked me about your class?” Hinata seemed to read his concerns, “I asked Naegi if he had more files.”

Right. Nagito exhaled sharply. That was what this was about. Not anything… he had done. Woodenly he walked over and sat down beside Kuzuryuu. Hinata pushed the file over to him.

“This… isn’t a pleasant read.” Hinata disclaimed, “But I want you to remember none of this is your fault. Or any of our faults. Enoshima planned everything too well, so well it was hidden in the shadows and no one realized until it was too late.”

Great, just what he wanted to hear. Nagito touched the file, his heart slowing down. The restaurant faded into the background and all Nagito could see and feel was the file. Everything else was gone. His fingers carefully touched the cover, before he opened it, the characters standing boldly on the paper.

Nagito’s mind raced as he took in the words… a secret passage… missing teacher… all of them wanting to help…him being piggybacked as Nanami insisted they go help… a room… a video… Nanami… Nanami…

**Executed.**

Brutally. A bloodied body impaled on the floor.

The word sat on the paper like a knife sitting in a warm body. The edges began to seep blood, the word turning red and gooey as it seeped a thick iron and copper smell into the paper… the table…

_(“It’s your luck that got her killed… you were trying to warn them… if only you didn’t waste you luck earlier with Nanami… finding me all on your own…”)_

_(“No, it isn’t your fault! We wanted to help. Helping is never wrong.”)_

_(“Oh please…”)_

“Komaeda, breathe.” Hinata’s voice was in his ears.

Nagito forced oxygen into his lungs, the room spinning a touch. Hinata’s arms were around him, lightly hugging him as Nagito regained his senses. The hug tightened and Nagito, under any other circumstance, would have flushed at the public display of affection, but that was the lowest on his list… slowly he hugged Hinata back.

“Sorry…” Nagito tightened his hug, “I’m fine. It’s not my fault.”

“That’s right.” Hinata pulled back a bit and pressed a small kiss to the side of his head, “Not your fault.”

He sat back down. Nagito swallowed and shut the file, shoving it towards the center of the table. There was probably more in the file, but he wasn’t keen on reading it.

“So… you and Komaeda are together?” Souda broke the silence.

Nagito would have spat something out if he was drinking, his face burning. Hinata looked equally red. Sonia gasped with her hands flying to her mouth, eyes wide and twinkling. Owari blinked and Tsumiki stared. Kuzuryuu rolled his eyes and smacked his head with his hand.

“What?” Souda asked. “It is a valid question.”

“It’s also something Hajime and Komaeda should tell us on their own.” Kuzuryuu pointed out.

Tell on their own? Nagito’s heart did a little flip and he glanced at Hinata. They never really thought this far ahead, about when to tell everyone. What did people do in this situation? Wasn’t the rule to wait around a month or something? Nagito wished he knew and wished he could ask or talk to Hinata about it, but now it was a bit too late.

“Oh… right…” Souda blushed, “That was intrusive… sorry…”

“It’s fine Kazuichi.” Hinata quickly said, “We just… hadn’t thought this far ahead I guess…” He looked at Nagito.

“Right!” Nagito quickly agreed.

“Well either way, congratulations.” Kuzuryuu grinned, “Don’t fuck up.”

Nagito almost opened his mouth to ask who that statement was aimed for, but he clamped his jaw shut. Knowing Kuzuryuu it was for them both. Regardless, Nagito wasn’t about to find out what Kuzuryuu would exactly do should he… “fuck up”.

~

Sonia saddled up to him as they finished the office and the small bathroom beside it. Nagito’s cheeks were still burning thanks to Souda. Not that he cared everyone knew but… the way Souda said it…

“Komaeda, a word please?” Sonia asked softly, “I hope this doesn’t come off as rude, but I just wanted to let you know… I’m happy for you and Hinata.”

Nagito gave a strained smile, “Thank you Sonia.”

“Also… I’m happy you’re… solving everything out. What I said in the library… I don’t take it back. However, I want to let you know I’m not upset at you anymore. I hope, you’re not upset with me?”

Upset at her? Nagito felt a small chuckle escape, “You… were beating some… sense into my brain. I… should thank you for that.”

It was Sonia’s turn to blush a bit. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled widely. Nagito gave a smile in return and they both wandered back over to their cleaning, silently moving more and more into the Old Building.

~

He should have known it wouldn’t have been smooth sailing after showing the file.

Hajime stepped out of his cottage and was immediately tackled by Souda. He had to repress a talent that bubbled up at his grip and take a deep breath.

“Kazuichi… it’s barely nine in the morning.” Hajime started.

“Sorry just… Tsumiki is… um she’s mumbling things.”

That… wasn’t good. Hajime let Souda half drag him towards the restaurant. Tsumiki was sitting away from the pool, hair wet, clothes wet, wrapped in a towel, with Owari and Kuzuryuu standing close, blocking her way to the pool. Owari was also dripping, another towel around her shoulders.

“What happened?” Hajime raced to Tsumiki and knelt.

She looked at him, her eyes half glazed, half wet from water or tears, Hajime wasn’t sure. She smiled slowly, but it started to pull into a frown. She opened her mouth and a half laugh, half sob escaped.

“It’s… all our… faults…” She wheezed before violently shaking her head, “N-No… it isn’t I’m sorry…”

Hajime turned to Owari and Kuzuryuu.

“I found her sinking herself into the pool, clothes and everything still on.” Owari replied, “I thought she was just… taking an impromptu swim but she wasn’t coming up fast enough so…”

That was enough. Hajime looked at Tsumiki again, who was choking on a sob and a laugh again, her hands curling against the towel.

“How long was she under?”

“Barely ten, fifteen seconds?” Owari quickly answered, “I don’t know… my gut was telling me something wasn’t right so I just… I don’t know what she was planning or if she had anything planned but…”

“That’s fine.”

Better safe than sorry. Hajime bit his lip. There wasn’t enough to say if she was trying to… harm herself, but they weren’t going to risk it. They’d have to keep an eye on her just to be sure.

“Owari could you… help Tsumiki into dry clothes?” Hajime asked, his heart twisting.

“No problem.” Owari easily tugged Tsumiki up, “Come on… let’s go back to our cottages…”

Tsumiki didn’t protest and she followed Owari without a word. Hajime exhaled sharply and looked over at Kuzuryuu.

“Did you see anything else?”

“No, sorry Hajime.” Kuzuryuu shook his head, “I came to find Owari pulling Tsumiki out of the water. I went to get towels and by the time I got back Tsumiki was out and sitting here, saying how it was her fault.”

“Kazuichi?” Hajime asked.

“Same here… I ran into Kuzuryuu when he was getting towels.” Souda answered, “I was told to grab you.”

“Okay, thanks.”

 Hajime started to walk back to the cottages. Time to talk to Tsumiki, see if she could tell him more. Owari had left her cottage door open. Hajime walked in to find Tsumiki sleeping on Owari’s bed, Owari standing by the bathroom door, wringing the water out of her hair with another towel.

“Thanks, Owari.” Hajime stepped inside.

“No problem.” Owari said, “Hey I’ll watch over Tsumiki. Go eat something, bring me something back.”

A protest formed on his lips, but Owari shot a look. Hajime shut his mouth and did as she said, shutting the door softly behind him.

~

Hajime made sure to bring a variety to Owari, the plate threatening to topple over as he walked back to her cottage. Cursing himself for shutting the door when he arrived, Hajime pulled out a talent and balanced everything perfectly and managed to open the door with his foot. Owari looked up from her chair and blinked before shaking her head.

“I’ve seen weirder things.” She announced.

“No doubt she had. Hajime walked inside and shut the door with his foot again, before setting the food on the desk. “It’s all for you. I ate already.”

“That was rather quick.” Owari eyed him, “We can share. I’m still not sure if I can eat all of this on my own.”

“No, no it’s for you and…”

“Just eat with me Hajime.” Owari sighed, “I hate eating with others if they’re not eating too.”

Hajime picked a roll off the plate and bit into it. Owari smiled and poked his side. “See? Not too hard.” She reached for a piece of toast and took a big bite. “Nothing beats toast in the morning. I loved making toast with my siblings. We’d always argue over what to put on it.” She laughed, “I think everything is good, but nothing beats butter…”

She finished the piece quickly and looked down, “You know… when I was waiting for the towels and for you… Tsumiki didn’t say much, just how it was her fault. It… was hard to hear. Sometimes I think of everything, all the things that happened, or the things I did and it gets harder to remember it isn’t my fault.”

Hajime finished his roll and lightly touched her shoulders, “I know. Blame is easy to cast, but hard to get rid of.”

Owari listlessly chuckled, “Always so wise. Say, do you ever regret loving someone?”

Loving someone? “Um… what do you mean?”

“I… don’t think my eating disorder was my fault.” Owari picked up a grape, “It was a combination of many things and I’m not blaming myself for that. At least not now. But I mean…” She looked down, “The other things… sometimes I keep wondering if I just loved my siblings a little less… if they weren’t so important to me… I wouldn’t have listened to the Despair and sent them to Towa City…”

Tears slowly fell down her face. Hajime’s heart twisted and he curled an arm around her shoulders, letting Owari silently sob, her shoulders jerking up and down as she cried.

“I… don’t even know if they’re still alive. I’ve read the reports on Towa. What if a rage filled adult came around and…” She choked.

“What ifs are the worse.” Hajime pulled Owari into a side hug, “They fill us with fears and doubts just as much as hope and certainty. I wish I could give a solid answer, that way you’d know what to feel, but…”

Owari shook her head, “Oh Hajiji… you’re always so… quick to place everything on you, to take a bit of our burdens. You don’t have to do that to yourself…”

“I just don’t want to see my friends sad.” Hajime replied simply.

“I know.” Owari looked up with a small smile, “Just… focus on yourself a bit more, okay? You’ll wear yourself down at this rate. Promise me you will.”

Himself huh? Wasn’t he fine now? No more Kamukura dreams… he had made peace with who he was and is, wasn’t that enough? But still… he nodded, a silent weight on his chest suddenly lifting as he agreed with Owari.

~

Nagito spotted Owari and Tsumiki walking into Owari’s cottage just as he shut his door. They disappeared and Nagito cocked his head. What was that all about? And did they have towels around their shoulders?

Shrugging, Nagito walked to the restaurant, spotting only Souda and Kuzuryuu at the table, both eating breakfast. Silence thickly coated the room and Nagito shivered slightly, but stepped inside.

“Good morning.”

His voice was like a bullet into the veil of silence. Both Kuzuryuu and Souda jerked up and turned around rather sharply. Nagito raised an eyebrow. Their shoulders dropped and they both turned to their breakfasts again.

“Did… something happen?” Nagito went for the jugular.

“Um… something like that.” Souda replied.

“Did you see Sonia at all?” Kuzuryuu asked, “We should explain to her too.”

“Explain?”

Nagito turned around. Sonia was at the top of the stairs. She gave a small curtsey and wave. “Good morning.” She bid before her hand dropped, “Something happened.”

“Tsumiki… may have tried to drown herself?” Kuzuryuu asked. “We’re not entirely sure what she was doing, but she scared us.”

Drown… herself? A suicide? Nagito felt his blood drain from his face, and his appetite disappear like a twisted magical act. Everything felt cold, icy. Something dark and gooey curled in his brain. He had tried that… so long ago… with scissors and a tub full of water too. He wanted to laugh at the idea both him and Tsumiki were drawn to water, but laughing was the last thing he wanted to do. It was also inappropriate given the situation.

_(“See? Should have finished her off and spared her the trouble. And hey, you were right about her after all, only people in Despair try to kill themselves.”)_

That… was right, wasn’t it? Suicide was a true act of Despair, of a low point. For Tsumiki to have considered ending her life… that was Despair…

_(“No, even if she tried to kill herself, which we aren’t sure if she was trying to or not. Despair or not, we all deserve second chances and Hope.”)_

_(“Such an idealistic fool. Suicide is the end of the rope, Despair is all that remains.”)_

_(“No, it isn’t! Hope is always there. We all deserve second chances!”)_

Nanami was right… Nagito exhaled sharply. The circumstances with Tsumiki were unclear and they couldn’t jump to conclusions. Also, he too had tried to kill himself and now… his hand balled into a fist. He didn’t want to die. He had Hinata and Souda and… the others.

_(“Well, ain’t this just a warm, cozy circle of love… and delusion. What? Tsumiki just tripped into the water? Or the water reached up and pulled her in?”)_

_(“There is no delusion.”)_

Nagito nodded his head to the silent argument raging in his mind. Everything around Tsumiki was clouded and the facts weren’t all there.

_(“Oh? Like the facts around you when you tried to off yourself? You were practically begging Hinata to let you go and kill yourself.”)_

Ice. Chunky and solid clunked into his blood. The reminder of how determined he had been… Nagito didn’t have to close his eyes to remember it. He wished it was harder to remember.

“Komaeda? Are you okay?” Sonia asked.

“I’m…” Nagito pushed all the thoughts away, the memory too, “I’m fine sorry. Let’s… eat something.”

She frowned and lightly touched his head with her hand, drawing back when she realized he was not running a fever. Nagito gave a smile he hoped wasn’t shaky and walked into the restaurant. Right now, he was with… friends and that had to be enough to push the thoughts away for the moment.

~

Tsumiki woke up after lunch, just as Owari fell asleep on the other side of her bed, half sprawled like a starfish. Hajime stood up from the desk, eying Tsumiki. Her eyes were hazy with sleep and her movements sluggish, but caution was always good.

“How are you feeling Tsumiki?” Hajime asked.

“I’m…” Tsumiki paled, “I-I… threw myself into t-the pool…”

Paling wasn’t a good reaction. “Did you have… harmful intentions?”

Tsumiki swallowed thickly, “I… d-don’t remember. I-I was just thinking about the file and how I l-lead everyone down and…”

“It’s not your fault.” Hajime gently walked over and touched her hand, “At that point… Enoshima had already gotten to you.”

“I… I know but… a part of m-me w-was trying to fight and s-stop myself… if I was stronger…”

“What ifs…” Hajime found himself saying for the second time that day, “are the worse. But, the past is the past. It was not your fault. In the end, it wasn’t your fault at all.”

Tsumiki looked at him and her eyes welled with tears, “A-are you… sure?”

“Yes.” Hajime felt her hand tighten on his, “Repeat after me. It’s not my fault.”

She swallowed thickly and looked at her hand, her fingers gripping his hand tighter and looser in a rhythm, until she settled on tight. Hajime could feel his fingers protesting, but he said nothing. Slowly Tsumiki looked up at him and opened her mouth.

“It’s… not my fault.”

Tsumiki shook as she said the words, but her voice, under the soft tone, was firm. Hajime kept his hands on hers as Tsumiki slowly muttered the words to herself, letting it set a small chant in the air between them.

~

Everything from the day, Tsumiki… Komaeda… it all flopped to the ground with a heavy clunk, nearly smashing Hajime’s toes. His mind felt numb, over cooked and squishy. Leaving the dishes by the sink, Hajime walked out and shut the lights off. He’d do those in the morning. Or someone else would. He was too tired to dispute the details. Wobbling out of the restaurant, Hajime walked to his cottage, digging into his pant pocket for the key. His fingers numbly fumbled with the metal and he nearly dropped them, but his reflexes (a talent?) kicked in and he caught them.

Opening his door, Hajime shut it firmly, and a bit too harshly, and seriously debated just falling asleep on the floor, but common sense (and the burning urge for comfort) kicked in. He took his first step in a long journey to his bed, when a soft knock came to his door. Hajime forced himself to turn around. A small voice for a moment told him to not answer and just wait until the morning to see what it was, but he ignored it a moment later.

Komaeda stood at his door, hands curled into his pockets. He was rocking back and forth on the balls of his heels. Hajime opened his door wider. Komaeda’s hair was also messier than usual and his shoulders were shaking.

“Komaeda?” Hajime asked.

“Um… sorry for… disturbing you so late…” Komaeda started before he bit his lip, “I’m sorry this was a bad idea…”

“No, wait,” Hajime reached out and touched his arm gently, “Come inside, Is something wrong?”

Komaeda was chewing on his lip, but he walked inside. Hajime shut the door gently, but didn’t lock it. Stepping away a bit, giving Komaeda some space, he waited. Komaeda kept rocking a little, arms now swaying a bit as he shoved his hands into his pockets a bit deeper.

“I… um… I heard Enoshima today. It’s been so… long… since I heard her last.” Komaeda started slowly but then his voice grew quicker, like he was spewing out something vile, “And Nanami too, but she’s good… helpful. Anyways, I got thinking about my… suicide attempt and…”

Nanami too? Hajime tucked that away for later. His suicide attempt… Hajime thickly swallowed. Komaeda was shaking harder as he spoke, his arms tightly wrapped around his midsection, like if he let go everything would fall out into a messy pile of bloody organs. Leaving Komaeda alone tonight was not good.

“Stay the night with me.” Hajime said, “The bed is big enough for the both of us and…”

“Are you… propositioning me now?” Komaeda cut him off, with wide eyes, “I mean… that’s… I’m not complaining, but the circumstances…”

Hajime blinked and immediately wished he could take back his words and rephrase it better, “No, I didn’t mean it like that… just you are shaking and being alone isn’t good and…”

Komaeda stepped closer, hands out of his pockets, touching Hajime, pulling him a bit closer. His gaze was downcast, looking more at his feet, but after a moment Komaeda looked at him.

“I mean… it would be my first time with Hinata Hajime…” Komaeda softly mused, “And I suppose that’s one way to take my mind off this… if you want?” He added quickly.

Hajime gaped, but his blood rushed quickly through his body, warming his cheeks, making his palms sweaty. His pulse was picking up and suddenly it was all he could think of. All he could see, Komaeda’s pale body on his bed… pink and flushed…

Their lips met and Hajime wasn’t sure who started it, but he was sure Komaeda pushed him onto the bed with a harsh push before straddling him. Hajime wanted to protest that he hadn’t locked the door yet, but their lips met again and thought escaped him. Their tongues curled and heat burned deeply in Hajime’s body. When they parted, a trail of saliva connected their lips, breaking against his chin. Hajime swallowed and tasted Komaeda, almost bitter like burnt sugar with an undertone of sweet.

“Do you… want this?” Komaeda asked gently, “We can stop at any time and…”

Hajime touched Komaeda’s hips, tracing the too thin sides, touching the jutting bones, “I want this. Please… let’s continue.”

Komaeda smiled and leaned so close their chests touched, his back arched, “Okay. Let’s… continue then.”

~

Morning harshly barged into the room, clanging and clattering, throwing light everywhere with a careless flick of a wrist. Nagito groaned and wiggled, pressing his face into Hinata’s well toned (naked) chest, and immediately felt pain spark up and down his sides and back. Moaning, Nagito wiggled again, curling his arms around Hinata.

“You’re too loud…” Hinata mumbled into Nagito’s hair.

“You weren’t complaining last night.” Nagito replied.

Hinata sat up a bit, exposing his naked torso, “Not a clever retort.”

“I’m not trying to get points for wit here.” Nagito muttered, tugging him a bit, “And lay back down your hips aren’t nearly as comfortable as your chest.”

“Demanding…” Hinata said, but he did as Nagito asked, hand reaching up to curl into Nagito’s hair. “How do you feel?”

“Sore and achy.” Nagito answered. “But it’s all what I asked for, so I suppose I can’t complain too much. However, next time, you’ll be the sore and achy one.”

Hinata flushed and his hand froze for a second, before he continued petting his hair, “Fair enough. I think I’ll enjoy that threat.”

“It’s a promise.” Nagito corrected before tugging Hinata over.

They kissed lightly, mindful of their stale breath, before pulling away. Nagito giggled and lay his head back on Hinata’s chest. Warmth was radiating deep inside of him, touching all the corners, leaving everything illuminated. This was… amazing… something if asked when he woke up, Nagito would have laughed himself silly at the thought. Yet… here he was… sore, achy, and naked in Hinata’s bed… with an equally naked Hinata.

“I want a shower.” Nagito trailed his fingers up and down Hinata’s arm, “And a bath. I want to soak all morning… or at least until my fingers wrinkle.”

“I can make that happen.” Hinata answered, “Just… give me a moment to get up and…”

A loud siren, something that wailed deeply filled the air. It reminded Nagito of war sirens for bomb warnings, but before he could speak, the TV in the room flared to life. A disembodied head floated on the screen. Nagito nearly jolted, but a small part of his brain recognized it as Alter Ego from the files.

_“Attention. Attention please. This is an announcement to signal unusual brain activity in the pods. According to my calculations someone is waking up and…”_

The rest of the announcement was lost to Nagito. The sore and achiness didn’t disappear from his body, but the warmth in his chest evolved from a warm light into a flickering, but still bright light. Who was potentially up? Nagito didn’t know if he should guess. Perhaps going to see was the better option. It seemed his bath would have to wait. Stretching in hopes to have some of the aching disappear, Nagito slowly got out of bed, his legs shaking a little as he tried to locate his clothes.

“Here.” Hinata pressed a clean set of clothing into his arms, “You can use the bathroom first.”

“No time for that…” Nagito muttered, but accepted the clothing.

“Good point.” Hinata was quickly making the bed, a pair of pants half hanging off his hips as he moved.

Nagito knew it was inappropriate to ogle Hinata when a friend was potentially awake and they were in a hurry, but he took a small liberty and did so as he changed. By the time he was dressed, the bed was made and Hinata was dressed and washed up. Nagito wished he could move that fast.

“You can meet me there if you want?” Hinata asked.

“No, just give me two more minutes.” Nagito protested as he raced to the bathroom and performed the fastest teeth brushing he had ever done, just wishing to get the sour and stale taste out of his mouth.

Hinata was waiting by the door. As soon as Nagito approached him, Hinata grabbed his wrist and tugged him out the door. They ran, or more accurately, Hinata pulled him along and Nagito tried to keep up. The wind blew his hair all over and Nagito wished he tied it back, but such wishes were left unfulfilled.

Despite how fast they ran, the door to the room was open, with Owari bouncing by the entrance of the door. As soon as she spotted them, she raced over, eyes bright and energy practically tumbling off of her, like pop rock candy.

“Hajiji!” Owari didn’t finish the sentence, she tugged on Hajime’s arm and pointed inside, “Just… go inside!” She blurted out.

Hinata looked at Nagito, grip tightening, “Are you ready to see?”

Nagito felt his heart pounding in his chest and his pulse in his neck loudly beating in his ears, threatening to drown out all other sounds. His heart rate wasn’t just from the running, Nagito felt his hand twitch with anticipation burning hotly in his veins.

“Yes, let’s go. No more stalling.” He said.

“Okay.” Hinata agreed before he tugged Nagito along, entering the cool, dimly lit room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ultimate: I like the sound of Ultimate more than SHSL and chose to use it. 
> 
> Beef Jerky: Because I had an intense craving yesterday when I was writing that scene.
> 
> The File: We are not going to question how Future Foundation had the information on file.
> 
> Drowning: Is basically suffocation and I'm a darkly ironic person I guess. Also I think drowning is a scary way to go.
> 
> Towa City: My headcanon that Owari has many younger siblings and that when she was in Despair she sent them to Towa to be part of the Monokuma kids. Because I believe Towa didn't have enough kids to form an army so other kids were sent over. My headcanon only though.
> 
> Tripping/ Water pulling her in: Referencing Hamlet and Ophelia's suicide with the grave diggers and their commentary.
> 
> Kisses: I think I wrote the most amount of kisses in a single chapter here...
> 
> Staying the night: Finally.


	17. Facing The Doubts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -flops down- It's finished!
> 
> Sorry for the wait! Being home means I spend my evenings watching shows with my mother (we've finished all of Daredevil and moved onto Luke Cage in case anyone is wondering). It's always nice to rewatch things with my mother, but it means my time for writing dwindles away. 
> 
> Anyways, I feel very close to ending this story, so that's why I've focused on it. Though I'm unsure how many more chapters of this story are left, I've learned by now to not guess and just let the story do what it wants. I promise I'll get to Moving soon (I feel bad for leaving it on the side in favour of this story), probably once I end this story.
> 
> Thank you once again to everyone's support for this story. I appreciate it a lot! Feel free to leave kudos and comments. Not needed, but they really inspire me and make my day! Until next chapter!

Kuzuryuu was already by the pod, thrown carelessly over, his shoulders silently shaking as he buried his face into Pekoyama’s hair. Tsumiki was hovering by the pod, undoing all the wires and tubes around Pekoyama, squeaking as she nearly tripped over one of the unplugged cords. Sonia and Souda were hovering a bit away, Sonia wiping tears from her eyes with a smile across her face while Souda blubbered into a rather expensive looking handkerchief.

Hajime felt Komaeda’s hand tighten, squeezing the blood out of his fingers slowly until the tips were numb and white. Hajime didn’t stop him. His breath was caught in his lungs, wheezing out the sides, escaping with a high-pitched sound akin to a balloon slowly leaking air. Closing his eyes, Hajime could taste the salt of Kuzuryuu’s tears, could hear the soft, quiet, sharp sounds of him breathing into Pekoyama’s hair. A tingle ran up Hajime’s spine, catching in the vertebrate and crevices of his body.

He opened his eyes, taking in the scene again. Kuzuryuu hadn’t moved, though his hand was stroking circles into Pekoyama’s hair, fingers and rings catching in the pale strands. Pekoyama was looking down at him, her eyes slightly glazed with left over sleep. Hajime’s legs trembled, buckling with the urge to leave, to not witness the scene.

“Hinata?” Komaeda’s voice caught in Hajime’s ear.

“Yes?” Hajime’s voice sounded distant.

“Nothing.” Komaeda breathed out, “Just… are you going to stand here?”

Komaeda wasn’t asking about himself. Hajime swallowed and shook his head. Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama would have time together, alone. However, now he had a job. Shaking Komaeda’s hand off, Hajime felt the cold tingle of blood rush back to his fingers, numbing and blurry, like fuzzy lines. His legs moved without urging until he reached the pod. Hajime looked down at Kuzuryuu and then at Tsumiki, who had somehow removed all the tubes and wires around the pod.

“Fuyuhiko.” Hajime’s voice slipped through the cracks in the air.

Kuzuryuu exhaled, barely notable, and untangled himself slowly from Pekoyama, his fingers still laced in her hand, gripping tightly. His single eye looked directly at Hajime, the skin puffy and face red, but his eye was clear.

Hajime walked over to the other side, “Pekoyama? I’m Hinata Hajime. I’m going to help you out of this pod along with Fuyuhiko, okay?”

Pekoyama looked over at Kuzuryuu, her head barely tilting. Kuzuryuu’s fingers tightened around her hand as he knelt to wrap his other arm around her shoulders. She looked back at Hajime and nodded.

Carefully, Hajime removed Pekoyama from the pod, Kuzuryuu helping. Pekoyama’s legs wobbled as she was set down, her knees threatening to buckle as she gripped Kuzuryuu’s hand tightly. Biting her lip, she tried to untangle her hand from his fingers, but Kuzuryuu’s grip remained firm.

“I… can stand Young Master.” She spoke. Her voice was husky, layered with sleep and misuse.

“It’s fine Peko.” Kuzuryuu immediately shook his head, “Let us help you.”

Her eyes flashed and widened a fraction. Hajime swallowed and waited for her to speak, but she looked down at her feet, her face flushing slightly. Hajime could feel her body temperature rise, trickling all over. A jolt of panic hit Hajime before his brain kicked in, sinking into the familiar gaze of medical knowledge. It wasn’t threatening, just a regular blush.

“You won’t be able to walk regardless.” Hajime factually stated, “You’ve been in a coma for a long time. Mobility is merely one of your concerns now. We’re going to take you to our hospital.”

Pekoyama looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, before she looked back at Kuzuryuu. He raised his eyebrow and gave a firm tug to her hand and another nod. She looked back at Hajime and nodded, giving a wobbly bow.

“I’m grateful for your assistance. Please, take care of me.”

Her tone was polite, the usual Pekoyama, but Hajime felt an icy stab in his stomach. Her gaze, while on him, was glassy, washing over him, almost as though she was looking through, or behind him. Hajime gripped her slightly tightly, almost daring her to change the tone of her gaze, but it had already migrated to Kuzuryuu, her brow furrowed, free hand balling into a fist over and over. Hajime darted his gaze to Tsumiki, who had already opened the door, waiting at the entrance.

Whatever was going on, it would have to wait. Hajime bit his lip and looked at Kuzuryuu, who still hadn’t let go of Pekoyama. Something almost slimy filled him as the scenario filled his mind. They’d have to get him to let go of her and leave for a while. The conversation had a high probability of not going over well, but, Hajime supposed it was necessary to cross that bridge.

He sighed discreetly and urged them gently to move, not daring to carry Pekoyama, as she focused her gaze, and half wobbled towards the door in silence.

~

_(“And so, the cycle begins again…”)_

Nagito stood up and walked over to the stove, filling the kettle with water, letting the sound of water rush into his ears. The hospital smell waffled everywhere. Since their last visit, the smells of food had long dissipated, leaving the sterile, almost chemical smell everywhere. Nagito wished he could say he was used to it, but no one really got used to unpleasant things. They merely learned ways to block out the terribleness.

The kettle was set roughly onto the stove and with a flick of his wrist, Nagito turned the gas on and then the element, watching the blue flames erupt in a ring. At least the smell of tea would help with tolerating the hospital smell.

_(“Come on… you know it’s true… time to get ignored once again…”)_

With a half growl and sigh, Nagito walked over to the cabinet and rummaged through for some tea. Something light, not too strong. His stomach was still shrunken from lack of breakfast. Locating some jasmine tea, Nagito selected it and moved to find the tea pot.

_(“Ignoring me… so rude…”)_

He found the tea pot at the back of the last cabinet, tucked neatly in the back. Pulling a few things out, Nagito cleared a pathway to remove the tea pot and set it on the counter. It didn’t look too dusty, but a quick rinse would probably be in their best interest. Humming he grabbed the tea cups, making sure to get enough for everyone currently in the building.

Once they had arrived at the hospital, Hajime had shooed most of the people away, yet for some reason Hajime didn’t direct the words to him. Hajime also didn’t stop him from coming into the hospital, though he did give a look once they reached the back. Nagito didn’t bother following, merely letting Hajime and Tsumiki do their job. Kuzuryuu got to go, but separating him from Pekoyama was futile.

_(“Yeah, it is, isn’t it? Say, don’t you wish Hinata was like that with you?”)_

Grabbing a teaspoon, Nagito put the correct amount of leaves into the small wire basket. Task finished, he resealed the tea and leaned against the counter, waiting for the water to boil.

_(“Hey… I asked you a question, at least answer me…”)_

Sighing, Nagito glanced around the kitchen. No one was at the door and hopefully no one would show up.

“I don’t want that.” He spoke to himself, feeling a tingle run down his spine. Nagito pitched his voice lower, just in case, “And I’m not so weak to think Hinata helping someone else means he forgot about me.”

_(“Oh, really? But you were before… don’t try to act so tough.”)_

“People can change.” Nagito simply answered before the kettle started to violently whistle.

Turning the burner off, Nagito waited until the steam died down a little before he grabbed the water and poured the first batch into the tea pot. Swirling it a few times, Nagito waited a little bit before draining the water and pouring the next batch into the now heated tea pot. Counting the minutes carefully, Nagito then poured himself a cup. Inhaling the floral scent, Nagito sipped the tea, letting out a happy sigh. His stomach began to move again, growling.

He set his tea cup down. There had to be food in the fridge. Breakfast was now necessary.

~

Rolling his shoulders, Hajime set the clipboard down and hid a groan. Back to the same routine of tests and medical examinations. Except, this time, he had Tsumiki. Hajime silently thanked whatever power decided Tsumiki wake up. Now, with the load divided between the two of them, everything was done twice as fast.

“Hey, Tsumiki, you can take a break if you like.” Hajime offered.

She shook her head, “You’ve b-been working hard too… y-you can go f-first. I’ll stay here w-with Kuzuryuu and P-Pekoyama.” She gave a firm stare.

“Okay.” Hajime agreed, glancing at Kuzuryuu, who was sitting by the bed. His hand was once again holding Pekoyama’s. “I’ll go check up on Komaeda. No doubt he’s made us tea. I’ll bring it over.”

“T-thank you.”

Exiting the room, Hajime went over to the kitchen. The smell of rice and miso soup filled the air as he got closer. Poking his head in, Hajime saw Komaeda sitting at the table with a bowl of rice and miso soup along with tea.

“Komaeda,” Hajime greeted.

“Hinata.” Komaeda replied, “I made tea.”

“Thank you.” Hajime walked over and poured himself a cup. It was a bit stronger than he liked, but it was still hot. He sipped it, “Jasmine… it’s one of my favourites.”

“I just wanted something light.” Komaeda shrugged, “Do you want breakfast?”

“Sure.” Hajime said, “It looks good.”

Grabbing himself a bowl, Hajime filled it with rice and then got another bowl of soup. It was light, no meat or vegetables, but Hajime didn’t mind. Sitting beside Komaeda, Hajime quietly thanked him for the meal and began to eat. The rice was a bit sticky and the soup salty, but Hajime didn’t mind.

“So, tests are done?” Komaeda asked.

“Yes, Pekoyama is sleeping now.” Hajime replied, “We’ll have to keep a close eye on her. Hopefully soon we can see where she’s at before making any more plans.” He sipped his soup, “More long nights for me here.”

“Might want to restock the fridge then.” Komaeda pointed out, “There wasn’t much in there.” He paused, “There isn’t much here at all.”

“Right…” Hajime laughed, “I don’t want to starve while working here. Or starve Pekoyama.”

“Kuzuryuu wouldn’t be pleased.” Komaeda dryly pointed out. He set his chopsticks over his empty bowl, “I’ll do dishes and then… do you want me to go?”

Hajime looked at him. Komaeda merely cocked his head, waiting for an answer, but Hajime saw his hand shake a bit. He held back a frown. Ideally, Hajime didn’t want to suddenly pull away from Komaeda after what they did the previous night. Intimacy followed by too much distance sent mixed messages after all.

Gently Hajime pulled Komaeda over and kissed him, their noses bumping awkwardly as the angle was off. Frowning, Hajime tilted Komaeda’s head with a hand on his chin and kissed again, tasting miso and tea. Komaeda’s breathing stopped, but his heart was pounding in Hajime’s ears. Pressing smoothly, Hajime nibbled a bit before pulling away, saliva dripping a bit out of Komaeda’s mouth as they parted.

“I…” Hajime’s voice was steady and it was a miracle, “I just want you to know, ideally, I’d want to spend the day with you, lazing around, just us. Of course, Pekoyama waking up is great, just… sometimes two good things can’t always be perfectly timed.”

Komaeda blinked and pressed his fingers to his lips, lightly trailing to the corner of his mouth before he laughed, warm and full, “I get what you mean.” Komaeda leaned over and pressed a kiss to Hajime’s cheek, fleeting and warm, “Pekoyama is important and needs your help… just come back to our bed too, okay?”

“… are you propositioning me?” Hajime asked.

“You…” Komaeda bopped him on the head, “You know what I mean… we can just sleep regularly, you know.”

Hajime laughed, “I know. Just teasing you. Thank you for breakfast and tea. I should get back to Tsumiki soon.”

“I’ll reheat the water.” Komaeda stood up, “For Kuzuryuu and Tsumiki’s tea.”

“Thank you.” Hajime said one more time before he turned and focused on his breakfast.

~

Once he left the hospital, and things felt like they were on track with Pekoyama, the day felt barren. Nagito slowly walked back to the main island, kicking a pebble as he went. What to do? The day was free for him and it felt weird. Maybe he could see what Souda was up to? Keep helping him with… Mechamaru 2.0? If… that was what they were really making… Nagito remembered him saying it, but he wasn’t sure if that was just something his mind conjured up.

The door to Souda’s cottage was closed, the blinds shut as well. Nagito raised his left arm and knocked loudly, stepping back a little for Souda to open the door should he be inside. A full minute passed before Nagito decided he wasn’t there. Perhaps he was in the Old Building? Just because Pekoyama had woken didn’t mean they were stopping on their plans for the building. In a way, it was more of a push to finish. Pekoyama would appreciate a space to practice in silence.

Walking over, Nagito went up the creaky wooden steps and walked inside. The front of the building was clean, with no cobwebs or dust. Heading further inside, Nagito’s nose wrinkled from the musky smell that still stuck to the walls and floor. As he got closer to the office, he could hear voices and the whirl of the fan.

Sonia and Owari were dusting the shelving, books neatly stacked in the middle of the room, as they cleaned. Souda was at the window, toolkit at his side. The metal that had boarded the window up was gone, on the ground by Souda’s feet. However, the window wasn’t open. Souda was pulling and tugging, muttering under his breath as he tried to jam something under the latch.

“Hello.” Nagito stepped inside.

“Hey Komaeda.” Owari waved, “Give us a hand, will you?”

“Sure.” Nagito replied, “What do you need?”

“What about helping me with this window?” Souda asked, wiping his brow, “The latch is stuck, not moving from lack of use.”

“I’m… not sure I’m the one you should be asking.” Nagito eyed it.

“You got a metal hand, you can pull longer than me.” Souda waved his red fingers.

Nagito walked over, shrugging. The latch was a simple one, the longer metal part was up, locking the window. If he could just pull it down, then the window could slide up and it would open. Easy in theory. Nagito grabbed the latch and tugged lightly. The metal barely budged. Gripping tighter, Nagito gave another tug, this time harder. A small screeching sound, one filled with rust and misuse filled the room.

“Yeah, that’s it, try to tug it down.” Souda encouraged, “I’ll try to push the window open…” He had something slipped under the crack as he pushed upwards.

Swallowing, Nagito tugged harder. The screeching turned into a snapping as the metal part broke off, the latch half way down. Souda let out a yelp and fell to the floor, tool flying out of his hand as the window opened a little bit. Nagito blinked and stared at the metal in his hand.

“Well… the window is open… so that’s a plus?” Nagito asked.

“I… suppose so…” Sonia delicately said, pursing her lips, “Perhaps next time we’ll ask Hinata to help us?”

~

Wrapping a blanket around Kuzuryuu’s shoulders, Hajime shut the light off and exited the room, closing the door softly. Tsumiki clutched the clipboard to her chest and followed him, trailing behind slightly until they reached the kitchen. The pot of tea was still on the table. Hajime emptied it.

“Want more tea?”

“No thank y-you.” Tsumiki replied, “I-I’m a bit hungry though…”

“We have a few things here.” Hajime bustled over to the fridge, “Food is good.”

“T-thank you.” Tsumiki sat down, “I-I can w-watch over P-Pekoyama tonight.” She offered.

“Are you sure?” Hajime set some of the leftover rice Komaeda had made on the counter.

“K-Kuzuryuu w-won’t leave, so I’ll have someone w-with me.” Tsumiki firmly stated.

That was true. Still, only two people? “I’ll ask one of the others to join you.”

Tsumiki nodded before she looked down at her hands, “C-can I ask you s-something?” Her voice squeaked a little.

“Sure.” Hajime began to reheat the rice, adding what little vegetables they had into the mix.

“W-what’s Komaeda l-like?” Tsumiki asked, “I-I mean when it’s j-just you two…”

“Just us?” Hajime looked at Tsumiki. She was still looking at her hands, her fingers laced. “Well… Komaeda is... hesitant, but still fairly open with me. We can talk normally and there is no pressure to fill silences. I think he has been thinking about things… trying to change.”

Tsumiki didn’t look at him, but Hajime could feel the air around her. It was coiled, molded by a hidden meaning, or expected answer, but at the same time, the coils were loose, floppy. His answer wasn’t changing anything, merely adding another coil along side her.

“I… see… t-thank you.”

“No problem.” Hajime continued to cook.

~

Nagito stepped out of the bath, steam billowing behind him as he walked over to his window and opened it with ease. Flopping onto his bed, Nagito opened a bottle of water and took a long sip. Twilight had long passed, but Hinata hadn’t returned. It was expected; Pekoyama was now awake and long nights at the hospital were in store for Hinata. Invading Hinata’s room should have made him feel tingly and a bit queasy, but all Nagito could do was think about their previous night. His heart twisted a little as he placed his right hand on the bedding. Nagito closed his eyes and pretended he could still feel their body heat, still feel Hinata wrapped around him.

His heart skipped. Nagito sighed and stood up, placing the bottle of water on the night table. There would be many more nights with Hinata… together… he had said so. Waiting was something he was just going to have to do. Walking towards the window, Nagito went to shut it, but his eye caught something on the desk.

It was the file, the one on Nanami, the one that detailed what… happened. Nagito swallowed and wished Hinata hadn’t left it out. His fingers itched to pick it up and shove it into the drawer or on the shelf.

Instead he shut the window and then turned the lights off. He wasn’t going to move things around. Crawling into Hinata’s bed, Nagito shut his eyes. The bed felt bigger and cooler without Hinata, but falling asleep with the hope Hinata would be there when he woke up helped push the thoughts on the file long enough for him to fall asleep.

~

_This was going to end badly._

_This was going to end badly._

_No, not badly. Terribly. Atrociously. Catastrophically._

_Why couldn’t they see? Nagito strained his voice, tried to relocate the air in his lungs, but his chest ached. No not ached. It was caving in, slowly crushed under the weight of words that needed to escape. Only air, thin like frayed edges of a worn shirt wheezed slowly out of his lips, gasping raspy like sandpaper slowly rubbing against a rock._

_Souda readjusted him, mumbling as he did so. Nagito’s face was pushed into his back. The smell of oil, thick and viscous burned in Nagito’s lungs, coating everything. A metallic taste filled his mouth and Nagito wished someone, anyone else was carrying him._

_Or better yet, he was standing and able to warn everyone._

_This was futile. How could they win? Yes, they were talented, much more than he ever could be, but what waited for them was… indescribable. The girl with Despair in her very bones… and the blank boy who outmatched him in luck._

_Luck. The one thing Nagito had and that boy won. Nagito felt laughter bubble in his lungs, ricocheting off his organs like pop rock candies. He was wrong. Things weren’t going to end terribly or any other adjective he could think of._

_No, things were going to end in Despair._

_~_

_Later, when the screens faded to red and the image of his parents’ melting flesh, voices, and screams merged and overlapped with Nanami, Nagito finally let out his laughter. Tears streamed down his face as his brain burned. Like a kaleidoscope filled with raw, bloody flesh, Nagito couldn’t untangle what was real. His brain desperately tried to reject the images and voices in his head, but they were too much. Despair was overwhelming him, soaking his bones and organs in a gelatinous mess._

_And… his eyes were opened._

_Nagito’s mouth twisted wide, spreading and cracking unevenly. His laughter morphed into a register Nagito never knew his voice could reach. Tears fell down his cheeks, burning into his flesh like acid._

_But, he knew the truth. Despair was merely the same side of the coin as Hope. How could he have thought Despair was some dark entity lurking in the shadows, slipping into cracks and crevices like a disease? No… Despair was with them always. It needed to be. It was how the world worked._

_And all it took was Nanami’s ~~death~~ sacrifice. She had opened their eyes, given them a gift._

_Nagito stared at the screen one more time, remembering how she looked, hovering over the ground with pillars of metal holding her up in a bloody cradle. Despair swirled in his heart, tinged with sorrow so bitter it was sweet._

_It was necessary. Nanami’s death was like a martyr’s death. It would inspire them, push them towards Hope. And, if a little Despair was needed to create that Hope, Nagito would gladly act._

~

Komaeda was in his bed, curled around the blankets, hugging the pillow close to his chest. He had… waited for Hajime, decided to stay… Hajime yawned and shut the door, locking it properly. Tugging his tie off, Hajime silently undressed, pulling out a large T shirt and shorts from his dresser. Setting his clothes on his desk, Hajime carefully crawled onto his bed. Komaeda had shifted further, blankets starting to tangle in his legs. Pulling lightly, Hajime crawled under the minimal sheets and slowly pulled Komaeda to his chest. Komaeda was a bit cool, but soft in his arms. Hajime carefully wrapped his arms tighter and kissed the top of Komaeda’s head. The white strands tickled his lips, but only for a moment. Closing his eyes, Hajime slowed his breathing, letting his mind slip into sleep.

Sleep was halfway covering his mind, like a haze, when Komaeda suddenly jerked in his arms, nearly smacking Hajime with his head. Opening his eyes quickly, Hajime held Komaeda a bit tighter.

“It’s okay Komaeda, I got you.” Hajime muttered softly.

Komaeda twisted a bit in his arms, gasping with shallow breaths. Hajime stroked Komaeda’s shoulder despite how his elbow bent. A couple more gasps exhaled harshly from Komaeda’s lips before he stopped, flopping into the mattress.

Hajime sat up, leaning over. Komaeda’s face was smooth, blank with sleep. Hajime sighed softly and smiled, stroking Komaeda’s hair, pushing the strands that clung to his mouth.

“Well, at least it wasn’t too bad…” Hajime softly said before flopping down.

Readjusting Komaeda so he wouldn’t cut off the circulation to his arm, Hajime closed his eyes again, smiling at the warmth and comfort sleeping with another person gave.

~

Nanami.

All Nagito could see was red, oozing and dripping into a vicious, thick pile of iron and copper, coating the world in red. It clung to his lips, to his tongue, and coated his throat with every swallow. Her death was like a stamp, a hallmark of Despair, like a sick bookmark, signalling a change, the beginning to the end.

And he caused it.

Sort of.

Nagito chuckled dryly. Did technicalities matter anymore? With a world in ruins, civilizations crumbled to dust and ashes, was anyone counting the schematics? If they did, it would become a game of pointing, bouncing the blame around with meaningless echoes until the purpose was lost.

“Komaeda?”

Hinata’s voice snapped into his ears, soft and warm, with sleep lacing the vowels. Nagito shifted, turning, feeling Hinata’s arms around him, holding him. If Nagito could imagine them naked and sweaty in bed, then the night before would have been undistinguishable. Instead, here they were, clothed and sweaty. Not nearly as satisfying, but Hinata was in bed with him, so half of the battle was won.

“Good morning.” His voice sounded rough. Nagito swallowed, “You’re… here. I thought you’d be…”

“Tsumiki told me to go.” Hinata answered the unspoken question, “Fuyuhiko stayed in the hospital too.”

“Figures.” Nagito snorted.

Hinata smiled before he reached up. Nagito felt his fingertips brush against his cheek, stroking downward, “Anyways, did you sleep well?”

Nanami. Blood. His fault.

Nagito felt his breath hitch, like it was caught on barbwire. He tried to exhale, but his lungs protested, the barbwire digging into the tissue. “Uh… I’m fine…”

“Really?” Hinata calmly countered, “You were restless for a little while last night. I’m just worried, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Great. Hinata wasn’t fooled. What did he do? Did he pursue the lie? Or did he tell the truth?

_(“Oh, how sweet, he cares… or does he? Perhaps he is worried you’ll fly off the deep end again?”)_

Nagito sat up straighter, puffing his chest out a bit, the answer coming to him. Sure, Hinata would be predictable with his answers, but he’d take that over possibly hearing Enoshima louder in his brain again.

 “I had a dream about Nanami… about how she… died.” Nagito said.

“I see,” Hinata reached over and took Nagito’s hand, stroking the back of it.

“And…” Nagito felt his chest constrict, “It… was my fault… if only I was stronger…”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Hinata predictably told him. “There were so many things Enoshima had already done, already planned. It was impossible to stop her.”

Impossible? Nagito shut his eyes. The dream was hazy, but the memory hazier. All he could feel were ghosts of emotions, whispers curling and tickling his mind. They left burning trails in his soul, igniting long lost wounds, trails left behind by despair. Everything was burning, lighting a path, giving him vision.

“No, I could have… if I could only keep my mouth shut for once.” Nagito gasped out, his free hand touching his lips, “Or if I just had the strength to pull the trigger…”

“You’re not a murderer.” Hinata tugged on his hand.

Nagito snorted, burning buildings and decaying bodies littering the broken asphalt plastered hotly in his brain. “I think Towa City and other places I visited may disagree. Sure, I don’t remember killing anyone directly, but indirect counts too, right? Not stopping to help someone on the streets, that sort of thing.”

“No, it isn’t.” Hinata pulled Nagito closer, so they were looking at each other, “Yes, negligence can be just as bad, but you weren’t going out of your way to kill people.”

“So, it’s a tier then?” Nagito cocked his head, “We rank horribleness now? Or should I try to forget about the guilt?”

Hinata shut his eyes and exhaled slowly before he stared, eyes unblinking, “By that logic, everyone caught in this battle should be held accountable. Civilians, those who died trying to escape… even someone like Naegi Makoto.”

Nagito felt his breath collapse.

“You’re right though, about accountability. We must accept our mistakes and work to make things better rather than try to forget about our guilt. I’m sure…” Hinata bit his lip, “I’m sure Nanami wouldn’t blame you.”

A part of Nagito wanted to ask Hinata how he could possibly know that. He didn’t remember Nanami, no one did. All they had were fleeting, scattered memories, and files from the Program. No one remembered anything about her, had no experience to call upon.

But, instead Nagito’s heart lifted, pounding in his chest, as he focused on Hinata’s firm, stable words.

“Thanks, Hinata.” He whispered.

“No problem.” Hinata leaned over and kissed Nagito’s cheek, “I’m always willing to listen and help.”

Nagito pulled away a bit, just so he could lean in and kiss Hinata’s cheeks, one at a time, before he kissed Hinata’s nose.

“Speaking of helping people, shouldn’t you go check up on Pekoyama?” Nagito asked.

“Right… let’s go together.” Hinata agreed.

Together… the word pulled at the corners of Nagito’s mouth until he was smiling widely.

~

Kuzuryuu was back (or did he never leave? Hajime noted his wrinkled suit jacket, the creases in his pants, and the crookedness of his tie and concluded, yes, Kuzuryuu never left), holding Pekoyama’s hand, head bowed. Tsumiki bustled around slowly, yawning discreetly behind her hand. Knocking lightly on the door frame, Hajime stepped in, Komaeda trailing behind him.

“Good morning.” Hajime greeted.

“Morning Hajime.” Kuzuryuu yawned.

“M-morning Hinata.” Tsumiki gave a small wave.

“I’ll take over.” Hajime announced, “Please get some rest Tsumiki.”

“O-Okay, thank you.” Tsumiki dragged herself over to the door, “I-I left the r-report on the table.” She said before walking out.

“You too Fuyuhiko.” Hajime ordered, “Pekoyama will still be here.”

“I know… but…” Kuzuryuu weakly turned his head, but his gaze was strong. “I don’t want to leave her. At least… until she wakes up.”

The smart answer was to convince him to leave immediately, go and rest, but that felt like an impossible request. Hajime would just have to keep an eye on Kuzuryuu too. Easy enough, especially with him glued to Pekoyama’s side.

“Okay, I understand.” Hajime gave up, “But at least eat something. When is the last time you ate?”

A slow grumble hit his ears, Kuzuryuu pressing his free hand to his abdomen. That answered Hajime’s question. “I see… I’ll go make something. Could you stay here with Fuyuhiko, Komaeda?”

“Ah… sure.” Komaeda blinked, but fully entered the room, grabbing the extra chair.

“Thank you. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” Hajime informed them before walking out.

~

After Hinata left and he had sat down, Nagito could feel silence slowly creep up, filling the already suffocating room. Machines beeped softly, lights on, and with no window open, Nagito found himself tugging at his shirt collar. Would it be all right to open a window? Or the door at least? Taking his shirt off was clearly impolite, but if they didn’t get some fresh air…

“You can open the window.” Kuzuryuu suddenly said.

Nagito nearly jumped out of his seat at the words, before stabilizing himself, “Do you mean that? It won’t make anything worse?”

“She’s sleeping, not injured.” Kuzuryuu replied, “Besides… Peko also hates stuffy rooms.” He gave a small smile.

The smile was unlike anything Nagito had seen on Kuzuryuu’s face. It radiated warmth and softness laced with exhaustion. Turning his head, less he be caught staring, Nagito opened the window, smiling at the ease. If he broke another window he wouldn’t live it down. Was it even fixed? Nagito crossed his arms and couldn’t remember, but Souda probably fixed it.

“Hey, I got a question.”

Nagito turned to Kuzuryuu, “Yes?”

“How much do you remember?” Kuzuryuu asked.

Remember? In general? Nagito frowned. His childhood was intact, although it was slightly faded in a pool of nostalgia and time. His parents were merely smiling, faceless figures. The plane crash was muted, as well as almost being kidnapped. School was a blur, particularly high school, and then Despair. Despair was vivid, sharp, acidic and strong with madness swirling and lapping at his soul, but Hope was also strong, pleasantly strong.

“I mean,” Kuzuryuu coughed, “When we read that file… I tried to picture who Nanami Chiaki was and… couldn’t. It is strange, right? I can remember so much and then just a chunk… gone.”

The file. Nagito thickly swallowed. His dream crept up slowly, the image of Nanami bathed in warm, dripping red ticked in his mind, each drip of her blood creating a slow melody. His heart twisted harshly, his body shaking as Nagito shook his head, trying to get the thought off his mind, but it stuck like a leech dripping poison into his veins.

“Komaeda?” Kuzuryuu’s voice was a bit louder, “Are you okay?”

Air filled his lungs. Nagito gasped as a dizzy sensation rolled in his head, but forced himself to focus. No, he couldn’t think like that. Hinata had said so, right? He didn’t think Nanami would blame him. Nagito tightly clutched those words and looked up. Kuzuryuu was staring, eye unblinking.

“I’m… fine sorry.” Nagito replied, “I’m the same… just a chuck in my mind… gone.”

Kuzuryuu paled slightly, “I… I see. Sorry about that Komaeda. I’ve just been… thinking.”

Before he could elaborate the door opened, revealing Hinata, holding a tray. Something warm sat, steam billowing. Nagito could smell chicken and basil. Hinata set the tray down and Nagito spotted soup and rice along with the chicken. Moving his chair over, Nagito picked one of the soup bowls and held it carefully in his left hand, mesmerized by the steam billowing.

“You know I was going to tell you to not pick that up, but I forgot about your hand.” Kuzuryuu chuckled.

Nagito flushed a little, but smiled slowly bringing the soup to his lips, sipping the broth. Immediately he pulled the bowl away, “Wow… that is hot.”

“I warned you.” Kuzuryuu rolled his eyes, “Thanks for the food Hajime.”

“No problem.” Hinata picked up his bowl of soup, “I’m always amazed at what we got around here.”

“I am too.” Kuzuryuu set his soup down and picked up his chopsticks, “You’d think we would have run out by now and be forced to fish every day.”

Hinata opened his mouth to speak, but a rustling, followed by a louder beeping filled the room. Dropping his chopsticks like they were on fire, Kuzuryuu whipped his head around, eyes widening. Pekoyama was stirring, the blankets curling around her legs as she slowly fluttered her eyes open.

Kuzuryuu had long abandoned the food, hand reaching for hers again, holding it tightly. Nagito sat frozen, watching as Pekoyama opened her eyes fully, staring at Kuzuryuu. Her head cocked slightly and with a wobbly arm she reached out, fingers grazing his tie.

“Kuzuryuu…sama” Her voice was soft.

Nagito flinched for Kuzuryuu, eyes widening at the name and honorific she used. That… wasn’t right… weren’t they… close?

“Fuyuhiko,” Hinata lay a hand on his shoulders, “Pekoyama… I’m Hinata Hajime. Do you remember? You’ve been asleep for a long time. Please, let me assess your condition.”

Her eyes flashed over to Kuzuryuu for a second, who was nodding, stroking her hand, “Please Peko, you’ve been…” His voice was quiet.

“Yes… I remember.” Pekoyama’s voice was faint.

Hinata took his hand off Kuzuryuu, “I won’t take long.”

He moved, heading to the washroom, the sound of water running. Kuzuryuu was doubled over, head practically in Pekoyama’s side as his mouth silently moved, mouthing words his voice wouldn’t say. Nagito stood up, carefully moving the table with their food away, feeling the urge to do something.

Hinata returned, gloves on his hands, a different, but familiar air around him. Nagito hung back and let Hinata work in silence, hands gently moving around Pekoyama, voice soft as he asked questions. Nagito tuned it out, pressing his back to the wall, shuffling over to the door, before he stepped out silently.

~

Finishing up his examination, Hajime stepped out, his and Komaeda’s breakfast in hand. Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama clearly needed some time to themselves. That however, didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy breakfast, even if it was tepid now. Closing the door softly, Hajime spotted Komaeda, sitting along the wall, legs curled up to his chest. Nudging him with his foot, Hajime sat down with him, setting their food in between.

“Are you sure you don’t want to eat in the kitchen?” Hajime asked.

“I’m fine here.” Komaeda picked up his soup and downed the contents in a single gulp. “Are you sure you don’t want to eat in the kitchen?”

Hajime smiled and leaned over, knocking their shoulders together, “I’m fine here with you.”

Komaeda flushed a little, “Corny.” He picked up his rice, “How’s Pekoyama?”

“A little weak, but a lot better than you or Tsumiki were.” Hajime replied, “I have a feeling she’ll recover fairly quickly.”

“A feeling?” Komaeda asked, “Is this medically backed Doctor Hinata?”

Hajime laughed, “Just a feeling, nothing more.”

Komaeda hummed before he picked up his plate of chicken and broke off a small piece, chewing thoughtfully, “Do you want me to tell everyone Pekoyama is up?”

Hajime hadn’t thought of that. It would be good, though crowding her wouldn’t be ideal. Still, a small bit of news was better than nothing.

“Sure, that would be helpful. Just make sure to tell everyone to not crowd Pekoyama immediately, okay?”

“Will do.” Komaeda stabbed the rest of his chicken and put the whole thing in his mouth, chewing rather quickly and swallowing with a grin, “Thanks for the meal Hinata. Should I go now or?”

Hajime snuggled quickly to Komaeda, closing his eyes. He could see in his mind how quickly Komaeda exited the room as he was examining Pekoyama. And now Komaeda was asking how to be helpful and trying to get away. Using a free hand, Hajime held onto Komaeda’s arm, touching the crook of his elbow.

“While I’m pleased you want to be helpful, you can relax. It’s fine Komaeda. You don’t have to prove anything.”

Komaeda stiffened in his grasp, but then relaxed, tilting his head until he conked their heads together. “What talent was that?”

Hajime laughed, “No talent, just a feeling.”

~

Sonia’s eyes lit up as soon as he opened his mouth and her eyes began to sparkle. Owari danced around the room, hugging Souda enthusiastically. Nagito watched, unblinkingly as he finished relaying the news. Sonia immediately clapped her hands primly and stood up.

“This is great news Komaeda!” She beamed, “Of course we’ll wait for Hinata’s instructions before we go visit Pekoyama.”

“Though won’t we have to trade shifts watching her? Like we did with Tsumiki?” Owari asked.

“I dunno…” Souda rubbed his head, “With Fuyuhiko he’s not going to leave the hospital that easily.”

“He must.” Sonia’s eyes widened, “Or he’ll run himself ragged.”

Wasn’t he already ragged and continuing? Nagito held that thought. If he told Sonia it would only end with her worried and Kuzuryuu stubbornly staying. No, he’d leave the negotiating to Hinata.

“Anyways, with the three of them in the hospital I suppose that means we’ll be a few hands down for cleaning the Old Building.” Owari mused.

Souda groaned, “It’s so huge… it’s taking forever to clean… but at least we can open the window in the office.”

Nagito flushed at the reminder and coughed.

“Regardless we shall persevere!” Sonia proclaimed, hand stuck out with authority, “Now, let’s continue with our cleaning.”

Great, a day stuck in the Old Building. The office was finished, as well as majority of the hallway. That left the washroom, the dining room, kitchen, and storage. Nagito swallowed at the last one, but shoved that away. There was no dead body and no bloody sheets. It was fine.

~

“What do you mean by that?!”

Hajime nearly dropped his hand from the door and took a step back. Kuzuryuu’s voice was ringing rather impressively. Immediately Hajime curled his hand on the handle, ready to open the door, but he paused as Kuzuryuu’s voice rang out again.

“Peko, what are you saying?”

They were… arguing? Or perhaps starting an argument. Hajime bit his lip. Was it better to leave and let them sort it out? But what if it got messy? Should he stay and listen? Or should he go? His brain urged him to leave, but his body remained frozen.

“You’re… what makes you think that?”

No… he should go… this sounded private… not something he should hear. Instead, a talent kicked in, his hearing heightening, no sound from the room escaping his ears.

“I’ve… always been a tool for you, Young Master.” Pekoyama’s voice was deadpan.

“You…” Hajime could hear Kuzuryuu scratching his head, “You’re not. Don’t talk like that.”

“So… what am I then if I’m not a tool?”

“No...! That’s not it…” Kuzuryuu groaned out. “Listen, Peko, you’re…” He swallowed harshly, “You’re important to me. You always have been.”

It was Pekoyama’s turn to swallow harshly, followed by a small intake of breath. Silence followed. Hajime tried to move his legs, shut the talent off, go do something else for a while less Kuzuryuu caught him eavesdropping. His body refused.

“I… don’t understand…”

“Peko… please… just…” Kuzuryuu’s voice got smaller.

Hajime punched his leg harshly, pain tingling up his spine. The talent cut off, the voices from the room disappearing. With all his strength, Hajime focused on another talent, and forced himself to walk away, ears burning as the conversation trailed in his mind. He… had no right to listen, no excuses for not moving. An apology… he’d have to apologize to Kuzuryuu later. It was the only thing he could do. Hajime’s heart twisted, but he stuffed it away. For now, he had other tasks to focus on.

~

The dining room was the worse, mainly because Souda had to remove the metal plates from the windows, followed by wooden boards. Even with Owari helping him so far, only one window was completely freed and open, but it wasn’t enough. Nagito sighed and swept the floor, gathering all the dust and debris into a pile.

“This is worse than the office, isn’t it?” Sonia saddled up next to him.

Nagito swept another corner and nodded, “This room is bigger, but I’m almost done this section.”

“Okay.” Sonia said, “I’ll get the dustpan.” She turned to Souda and Owari, “Pardon me, Souda, Owari?”

“Yeah Sonia?” Owari called over.

“Komaeda and I are going to go to the kitchen to get water so we can wash the floor.” Sonia announced.

They were? Nagito dutifully swept all his dust piles into a larger pile and shrugged. Sonia set the dustpan in front of his pile and held it as he swept all the debris away. Taking the dustpan and the broom, Nagito followed Sonia to the kitchen.

The kitchen was not entirely clean, but someone had come in and wiped the counters and swept the floor. A musty smell, stale with wood and metal filled the room, but it was tolerable. Sonia walked inside and grabbed a large plastic bucket, bringing it to the sink.

“There are cloths under the sink.” She informed him, turning on the tap.

“Cloths?” Nagito raised an eyebrow, “We’re cleaning traditionally?”

Sonia’s eyes sparkled, “I’d like to say yes, but the cloths are for the window frames. I think there are mops in storage?” She paused, “I can get the mops if you could kindly watch the water?”

The offer was sweet. Nagito saw Sonia’s hand tightly grasp the handle of the bucket. However, avoiding the storage wasn’t good. Nagito closed his eyes and exhaled. It was fine. There was no dead body in the dining room and that mean there was no bloodied cloth in the storage. He could handle this.

“Thank you, Sonia, but I got this.” Nagito said, “I’ll get the mops.”

Exiting the kitchen, Nagito walked down the hall to the end, the storage room door closed. Nagito turned and grasped the handle, hand shaking a little. He laughed silently. This was ridiculous. There was no bloodied cloth. With a deep breath, Nagito pushed the door open, wincing as dust rose and danced in the air. Coughing, Nagito stepped inside, keeping the door open.

There were still boxes stacked in the back and various cleaning supplies scattered. The irons were still sitting in one corner innocently. In front of him was the hamper, cloth sticking out, wrinkled and folded. Nagito reached out and touched it with his right hand, feeling the linen on his finger tips. No blood, no stains, just linen.

His hand dropped. Nagito smiled to himself and walked over, locating the mops. Grabbing them, he walked out, giving one last glance at the linen, and shut the door.

~

Kuzuryuu was standing when Hajime re-entered the room, adjusting his wrinkled tie, fingers shaking, eyes downcast. A dark circle was forming under his eye and Kuzuryuu expertly hid a yawn behind his hand.

“You’re leaving?” Hajime softly asked.

“Yeah…” Kuzuryuu looked up, “You were listening in earlier.”

His voice was level, his gaze neutral. Hajime bit his lip lightly. Sure, he wanted to tell Kuzuryuu and admit, but being called out before he could lead the conversation over… his words tumbled together, rolling into a messy pile.

“I… sorry.” Hajime blurted out, “I didn’t mean to, I left before I heard everything. I was going to tell you later…”

“It’s fine.” Kuzuryuu rubbed his head, “You probably heard enough.”

His shoulders dropped along with his posture. Another yawn escaped his lips and his body shivered.

“Right now, you need sleep and rest.” Hajime gently said, “We can talk things over later, together, if you want.”

Kuzuryuu’s mouth lifted into a smile, just barely at the corners, “You can’t turn it off, can you? Your Ultimate Mothering Talent.”

Hajime felt his cheeks heat up, “I don’t think that’s a talent they gave me.”

Kuzuryuu nodded, “You’re right. They didn’t have to give that talent to you.”

“Fuyuhiko…” Hajime groaned.

“I’ll see you later. Let me know if anything changes with Peko.” Kuzuryuu walked out, patting Hajime’s arm as he left.

~

_The room again._

_Why was he seeing the room again?_

_It was too late to stop anything. Too late to change anything._

_She was going to die. He had seen it before. Soon, the spikes would impale her body, lifting her up, letting the blood drip down, staining the metal and floor._

_Nagito wanted to look away, wanted to move, wanted to do something. Anything. Please. He didn’t want her to die._

_Didn’t want to see another death happen because of him._

_Because of his luck. His black, inky, repulsive luck. His luck that eroded and rusted everything decent in his life. Nagito wished he could bottle up his luck, fill jar after jar with the oozing black puss and destroy it, remove it from his body._

_Purification._

_He needed to be purified. Water… incantation… smoke… hurry… faster… faster… she was going to die… it was his fault… his… fault._

_Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab._

_Plunk. Splat. Done. Finished. Over._

_Her body fell, punctured and bleeding out, small pools of crimson liquid. Dead eyes stared at him, blank, accusing. Speaking dying words her voice never got to say._

_“Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Why didn’t you save me? WHY DIDN’T YOU SAVE ME?”_

_Her body morphed, the scene morphed. Metal… burning metal… fabric, dead bodies… the perfume of death, of decay… his parents lay limp in front of him, dead eyes glassy and null… bone protruding in areas it shouldn’t… intestines… organs spilt in a bloody feast._

_“Mama… Dad…?” Nagito’s voice was young, lost._

_He reached out and touched the bodies, feeling the blood coat his fingers, sink into his skin. Branding him._

_Murderer. Murderer. Killer. Killer._

_Nagito screamed._

~

His throat was raw, voice hoarse. Nagito leaned over, knees digging painfully into his stomach, as he rubbed his hand viciously against the bedding. He had to get the stain off… the blood… he needed to wash his hands…

A gross sob, filled with mucus and snot escaped his lips. Nagito felt the tears fall down his face in fat tears. Swallowing harshly, he felt a lump hit the back of his throat. Standing up, Nagito wobbled over to his bathroom, feeling a cold shiver run down his spine. Throwing his clothes off, Nagito turned his shower on until the bathroom was steaming. The water was almost too hot, his skin turning red and then pink, but he didn’t care.

All Nagito wanted was the dream out of his mind, for the twisting and turning of his gut to stop. But how did he do that? Nagito closed his eyes as the water flattened his hair, water dripping down his face. Hinata had said he wasn’t at fault, but did he feel it was true? Even if others said he wasn’t, didn’t his emotions and how he felt factor into this? Deep in his heart, guilt twisted, spiny and bumpy.

He had to apologize. The thought smacked Nagito’s mind with a loud, wet slap. He had to apologize to Nanami… but how? Nagito opened his eyes. How did he apologize to a dead girl he barely remembered?

~

Pekoyama woke up about half an hour after Kuzuryuu left. Hajime watched as she woke faster this time, her eyes flashing open and adjusting to the light. Grabbing the pitcher of water, Hajime held it so she could see.

“Do you want some water?” He offered.

“Yes, thank you.”

Hajime poured her a glass and reached for a straw, but Pekoyama took the cup before he could give her one. Drinking carefully, she stared at him. Hajime set the straw down.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Stiff.” Pekoyama replied, “I would like to move a little bit.”

That was quick, but Hajime could sort something out, “First let’s see how well you recover, all right?”

Pekoyama’s mouth twitched into a small frown, barely there before her face smoothed. “If you feel that is necessary.” Her hands folded over her lap, “But I cannot be of service to my Young Master cooped up in a hospital bed.”

Young Master… Hajime’s mind drifted to the conversation he heard earlier. He could hear Kuzuryuu’s voice, his plead for Pekoyama to not put up this barrier. The file for Trial Two floated to his mind too, reminding him of what caused the mess in the first place. Misunderstanding to what they were to each other. In the Program, it had ended in tragedy, but here… Hajime squared his shoulders.

“Is that what you think you are to Fuyuhiko?” Hajime asked.

Pekoyama’s gaze shot up at hearing Kuzuryuu’s first name, her eyes narrowing a bit, “I know what I am to my Young Master.”

“Know, or just labelling it yourself?” Hajime continued, “We all do that from time to time, right? Label something, put it into a box so we don’t have to examine or question it.”

“I know what I am to my Young Master. I’ve known for a long time.” Pekoyama repeated.

“So why did Fuyuhiko argue with you?” Hajime candidly asked, tilting his head, “From the sound of it, he doesn’t agree.”

“You eavesdropped.” Pekoyama stated, “I don’t believe my relationship with Kuzuryuu is any of your business.”

Hajime could see Kuzuryuu back in the room, sitting on the side of her pod, talking until his voice hurt and tears couldn’t run anymore. He had sat outside with Kuzuryuu until their backs and butts were numb. The memory dangled in his mind. Hajime cracked a smile, one he knew was pulling a bit too widely. Oh well, no one said he always had to keep a reign on his personalities, the ones that sometimes came with the talents floating in his skull.

“You’re wrong.” Hajime softly told her, smiling, “Fuyuhiko is my friend. I care about him and want him happy. I also want us to be friends too, if you want to be.” Gently Hajime pushed back his smile, making it less pully, more open, “But I don’t need to be your friend to tell you that your view, is hurting Fuyuhiko.”

Pekoyama was perfectly straight, staring directly at him. Her fingers were twitching, curling, like she was holding her sword. Hajime stepped forward and watched her arm twitch. In the condition, she was in it was best to not push her. Pekoyama would try and it would only injure her more. Perhaps later, when she was fully healed, they could try a fight. No doubt it would be a challenge, but now wasn’t the time.

“So, my advice to you, listen to Fuyuhiko when he comes back. He means every word I promise you.”

Hajime stepped back, turning around slightly. Pekoyama’s fingers uncurled, but she still sat up straight in bed, gaze firmly fixed.

“You’re an interesting person Hinata Hajime.” She said, “Just what are you?”

“Just Hinata is fine.” Hajime told her, “And, later I’ll tell you my story. For now, I’m going to make us something to eat. Tsumiki should be around later. Anything you want?”

A beat passed. Hajime sighed and went to open the door, but Pekoyama’s voice stopped him.

“I like omelettes and rice.”

“Omurice?” Hajime suggested. “That’s easy enough.”

He glanced at her. Pekoyama nodded, but he could see a light tinge of pink on her cheeks.

~

Sonia, Owari, and Souda were all in the restaurant, making his task easier. The question burned in Nagito’s mind, along with the dream of Nanami. Advice on how to proceed was all he needed. Nagito tugged on his shirt and swallowed, stopping on the last few steps up to the restaurant. Surely, they wouldn’t think him strange, right? Nagito held back a chuckle. Well, stranger than they already thought. Maybe, he could run it with Hinata later. Hinata would understand. Yeah, that was the safer option… No, he could do this!

“Komaeda? Good morning.” Souda spotted him and waved, “I hope you’ve rested, we got a lot of work on the Old Building! Plus Mechamaru 2.0 isn’t complete…”

“I…” Nagito forced the words through, shoving his fears away, “I need some advice.”

Everyone blinked. Souda rubbed his head, “Look, I think Amusement Parks are the best kind of dates, if you want I can fix some of the rides and…”

Nagito flushed. Where did he get that idea? Not that a date on the Fourth Island was completely off the table. The offer was nice. He’d have to remember that for later.

“No… not that… I mean thank you Souda, I appreciate it.” Nagito babbled, “I mean… I had a dream…. About Nanami.”

Silence. Great, why did this always happen whenever someone got remotely serious? Though, Nagito supposed silence was better than laughter at his words.

“Oh…” Souda squeaked out.

“What about Nanami?” Sonia politely asked, gently touching Souda’s arm.

“I… keep dreaming about her death.” Nagito admitted, “And I feel… like I owe an apology.”

“An apology?” Sonia repeated gently.

Nagito flinched. Great. They would be like Hinata, remind him it wasn’t his fault, tell him he was worrying over nothing. Then it would drop, them satisfied that he would listen and all would move along. Except the coils and turns in his stomach and heart every time he thought of her. That wouldn’t go away.

“I see.” Sonia nodded, “Very well, we can hold a Candle Service if you wish.”

Wait. They weren’t shooting his idea down? They… understood? Nagito gaped and felt his heart lift, but immediately paused. “Wait. Candle Service?”

“Yeah, what is that?” Owari piped up.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry…” Sonia’s cheeks were pink, “It’s something soldiers in my country do… after a battle. We light candles not just for our fallen comrades, but for everyone who died in battle. It’s a way of apologizing.” Sonia tapped her chin, “We believe the light of the candle is our remorse inside of us. When the candle is burned down, our remorse and guilt has symbolically burned away.”

That… Nagito felt his face. It was wet. Sonia immediately stood up and walked over, pulling a handkerchief from her pocket.

“Komaeda… you’re…”

Nagito grasped her hand, feeling her skin with his right hand, letting her feel the coolness of his left hand, “That’s… thank you… it’s what I…”

Sonia lifted her hand and with his hands still around her, dabbed the handkerchief on his cheeks, soaking up his tears.

“It’s no problem. Anything for my friends.”

Friends… the word caused another round of tears to well up, but Nagito didn’t care.

~

Tsumiki came around just as Hajime was serving Pekoyama her omurice. Tsumiki looked a lot better, with fresh clothes, brushed hair, and no yawning. Hajime, on the other hand, hid a yawn behind his hand. How long had be been up? Time was starting to slip from his conscious and that was never a good sign.

“Tsumiki, hello.” Hajime greeted.

“G-Good m-morning.” Tsumiki replied, “I-I can t-take over.” She curled her fingers into her skirt, “A-Also… K-Kuzuryuu is outside.”

He was? He wasn’t bursting into the room immediately? Hajime wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. His recent conversation with Pekoyama still hung in the air and that had to be a factor in his hesitancy. Still… Hajime slid a quick look to Pekoyama. Hopefully his words were being considered. It was difficult to tell, but Hajime would have to wait and see the outcome.

“Thank you Tsumiki.” Hajime gave a smile, “Everything is going well, right Pekoyama?” He wasn’t going to talk about her like she wasn’t in the room.

“Yes, I’m fine.” She agreed, “Thank you for the food.”

“You’re welcome.” Hajime yawned at the last syllable, “I think… this means I need sleep.”

“Y-Yes you do.” Tsumiki agreed, “P-please rest up. I’ll see you l-later.”

Giving one last look at the room, Hajime exited. Kuzuryuu was a bit down the hall, staring at his feet, but his head lifted as Hajime shut the door. Walking over, Hajime gently touched Kuzuryuu’s shoulder.

“I told Pekoyama to listen to what you have to say.” Hajime informed him, “I hope you don’t think I’m meddling.”

Kuzuryuu’s eye widened before he snorted, “Ultimate Mothering at it’s finest.” He cracked a smile, “Thanks Hajime. Sometimes Peko can be stubborn.”

“Like you.” Hajime muttered.

Kuzuryuu stepped on his foot. Hajime gasped. “Ow…”

“You’re lucky I like you.” Kuzuryuu slapped his back and walked away.

“I got luck as a talent too.” Hajime called out, rubbing where Kuzuryuu smacked him before walking out of the hospital.

A cool breeze smacked Hajime in the face as he headed back to the hotel. The trip blurred in his mind, sleep causing his brain to slip in and out. By the time he focused, the hotel loomed in front of him. Pushing the gate aside, Hajime walked in and went to his cottage. He barely had his key out when a pair of arms, one side warm and the other side cold, hard metal, pressed against him.

“Komaeda.” Hajime greeted, “Hello.”

“You’re back.” Komaeda muttered into his neck, “We… um we’re planning something.”

We? Hajime opened his cottage door, “We as in?”

“Well, mainly Sonia, but we can all be present, if you want.” Komaeda said.

“Okay.” Hajime walked inside, Komaeda following, his embrace not leaving, “What is it?”

“It’s a little hard to explain… but it’s sort of a memorial for Nanami.” Komaeda replied.

Nanami… memorial. Hajime felt Komaeda’s grip tighten around him, his heart rate beat faster. Komaeda’s breathing shortened, coming out in small puffs against Hajime’s neck. The emotions smacked Hajime in the face like a dead fish. Wiggling out of Komaeda’s embrace, Hajime turned and before Komaeda could move, he hugged him.

“I understand… sorry… I said you should forget about it, that Nanami wouldn’t be angry at you. I still think she wouldn’t blame you, but… this is important to you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s… okay Hinata.” Komaeda hugged him back, “You can’t always be right.”

“Thanks.” Hajime said through a yawn that escaped his lips. “Now… sorry I’m sleepy. I need to rest.”

“Okay.” Komaeda agreed.

Hajime waited for Komaeda to pull away, but instead he started to move, pushing them towards the bed, until Hajime fell onto the mattress, Komaeda straddling him, smiling. With smooth hands, Komaeda undid his tie and tossed it away, before moving downward, pulling Hajime’s socks off. Komaeda then took his jacket off, followed by his own socks. Flopping on top of Hajime, Komaeda snuggled him, head on Hajime’s chest.

“Um… you don’t have to stay with me…” Hajime tried to protest.

Komaeda pressed a finger to his lips, “Just sleep Hinata. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

That was an easy request. With the heat, going under the covers would be pointless. Besides, Hajime had Komaeda snuggled to him. Closing his eyes, Hajime easily let sleep rush over him smooth and comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasmine Tea: One of my favourite kinds of tea
> 
> Traditional Cleaning: In Japan, traditionally to clean floors they used cloths called zokin, which are essentially a quilted towel dipped into water and then pushed along the floor (for example you can see that in Spirited Away when they're cleaning the floor of the onsen).
> 
> Omurice: basically fried rice wrapped in an omelette. It's very delicious and can come with all sorts of sauces over it. Omurice is also considered a child's comfort food and holds connotations (for some) to childhood dishes.
> 
> Candle Service: I made it up. If by some chance it resembles any other ceremony/ ritual, that is a coincidence.
> 
> Sleeping: Recently, I seem to always accidentally end my chapters with Komaeda and Hinata sleeping together...


	18. A New Day is Dawning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND I'm DONE!!!!! HURRAY!
> 
> Okay, first thing... I know I got things still loose. I know I haven't really written Pekoyama fully healed or everyone waking... but... I'd be here forever if I wrote that, and I never planned to write everyone waking up. I'm extremely happy where I'm ending it: at Nagito's healing. I never expected to write this much, but thanks to all the support I wrote this lovely fic. I have to say, this story has a special place in my heart. I learned a lot about myself writing this and I had a blast (even when I had writer's block).
> 
> Next: I got a bit suggestive at the beginning and near the end of this story. If that's not your thing feel free to skip it.
> 
> Lastly, I'd like to thank everyone. All your comments, kudos, and bookmarks have truly made this story for me. I'm so grateful for all the support. It truly means the world to me. Reading your comments, seeing kudos in my inbox, or reading your notes in bookmarks (yeah, I'm dorky enough to look through my bookmarks) never ceases to make me happy.
> 
> So, thank you all again. Please feel free to leave a comment or kudos, but as always, not necessary. And with that, please enjoy the last chapter. I hope to see you all in my next update to another story or in a new story.
> 
> -Kim

Komaeda was dozing when Hajime woke, languidly curled around him, his jacket forming a green barrier on the stark sheets. Stretching, Hajime felt energy rush smoothly through his veins. Checking the time, Hajime felt his stomach growl. He had slept in beyond lunch and into supper. If he got up now he could shower, eat, and hurry over to the hospital, relieving Tsumiki early.

A warm arm tightened around Hajime, pulling him closer. The smell of cotton, something burnt, almost like sugar, and soap filled his nose. Komaeda muttered, a small puff of air escaping his lips as Hajime’s face was pressed into the side of his neck. Hajime’s moist lips pressed against Komaeda’s skin, barely brushing, the sudden motion earning a gasp from Hajime. Squirming a bit, Hajime knew he could get out, if he wanted, but Komaeda was so warm. Another few minutes wouldn’t hurt.

Adjusting himself so he wasn’t practically kissing Komaeda’s neck, Hajime wiggled up, hand snaking up to tangle in Komaeda’s hair. The white stands were just as fluffy as they looked, soft in his hands. Hajime idly twirled a bit, tugging lightly. It was getting long. Maybe, if Komaeda would let him, Hajime could give a bit of a trim. In fact, maybe he could offer hair cuts to everyone, something to make everyone feel a bit better…

“Mm… Morning Hinata.” Komaeda breathed out, head tilting towards Hajime’s hand, “Or… evening I suppose.”

“Good evening.” Hajime replied, hand still toying with Komaeda’s hair, “I was thinking, would you like a hair cut some time?”

“A hair cut you say?” Komaeda mused, “Do you think it’s that long? It doesn’t seem long… but if you think so… I wouldn’t mind a bit of a trim…”

“Sounds like a plan.” Hajime untangled his hand, “Anyways… I should get up, shower, and eat before I switch with Tsumiki.”

He started to get up, Komaeda pulled him back, Hajime landing harshly on the bed, and half on Komaeda. Protesting with splutters, Hajime looked up, but was pinned, Komaeda using his body weight. Their kiss was deep, a bit stale from sleep, but not too bad. Hajime groaned as Komaeda pushed him into the mattress, their teeth mashing a bit at the sudden angle change.

“Hey, Hinata.” Komaeda pulled back a bit, his breath ghosting against Hajime’s lips, “Remember that one time we were like this…”

“That one time…” Hajime laughed. Earlier, he never would have thought there would be a one time, let alone several other times. “You’ll have to specify.”

Komaeda snorted, “When… we gave each other… hickeys…”

Oh. Hajime swallowed. Back when they… were sorting stuff out. “Yeah?” His voice was light.

“I… never apologized.” Komaeda continued, “We… I… wasn’t exactly in the right… state… to do that and…” A flush, pink and dark filled his cheeks.

Hajime’s heart was slowing. He could feel the contractions, the rush of blood through his veins, tinging the world in a hot haze. Suddenly, Hajime felt more than just the pulsing heat of Komaeda’s body on top of him. A shiver ran down his spine as Hajime’s skin rippled with the shiver, sending tingles through every pore. Glancing at his clock, Hajime bit his lip. Surely… Tsumiki wouldn’t mind if he was a bit late…

“That’s…” Hajime looked at Komaeda, tugging his hair so they were looking at each other, “fine… but you know… we could always… remedy that memory.”

Komaeda blinked a beat before his eyes widened, “Oh… I…” He broke their gaze, cheeks red, “I’d… like that.”

“Then… come down here.” Hajime pulled Komaeda down, so his lips were grazing his neck.

Komaeda let out a high squeak, hands flailing, one of them jamming into the headboard behind them and the other tangling clumsily into the blankets. Hajime breathed in Komaeda’s smell, the scent of soap and cotton stronger. Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to the sensitive skin, tasting the burnt sugar. Komaeda let out a squeak that was high pitched, but laced with more than just surprise. Hajime smiled against the skin, deciding he liked that sound, and pressed a harder kiss.

His teeth grazed the skin, bringing blood to the surface. Hajime latched, nipping and sucking, all while Komaeda’s voice got louder, breathier. Blood rushed everywhere, sending tingles into Hajime’s entire body. Komaeda collapsed against him, their legs tangled and Hajime couldn’t help but tease a little, wiggling as he kissed and nipped. Komaeda’s moans turned to gasps and his gasps into sobs as Hajime moved up and down his neck, kissing and licking, until he left a few hickeys.

“You… monster…” Komaeda gasped, before leaned closer, “You left some way too high. I can feel it… but…” Komaeda gave a smile, eyes narrowing, “Two can play at that.”

Hajime thickly swallowed, feeling heat, uncontrollable heat, pool in his stomach, in his mind. A gasp already exited his throat before Komaeda sealed his lips over his neck, sucking lightly.

~

Pekoyama raised one eyebrow as Hajime walked in. Hajime froze, hand flying closer to his neck, before he stopped himself from touching and smearing his work. Komaeda had said it was covered and it looked covered, but her gaze still hovered, sending a small shiver down Hajime’s back. Swallowing, he forced his hand to his side.

“Good evening Pekoyama.” Hajime kept his voice even, “Tsumiki tells me everything is good. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” Pekoyama replied, “I’d like to start physio.”

“Physio?” Hajime repeated, giving a quick glance to her blanket covered legs, “I suppose we can start slow, get you up…”

“No. I need to be walking immediately.” Pekoyama pressed, “I’m no use lying in a hospital bed.”

Hajime frowned, her conversation with Kuzuryuu floating to the surface of his mind. “You know Fuyuhiko doesn’t think like that.”

Her mouth curled slightly downward at the corners, “I… am aware he has different ideas… but none the less, I want to start physio immediately.”

The solution was sadly obvious. Hajime saw the glow in her eyes, the burning seeping up from her core, smoke and heat framed behind the glasses. There was no way Hajime could talk her out of it. Leaving her would probably result in Pekoyama attempting on her own, unsupervised. Nothing good would come out of that and then Kuzuryuu would come after him.

Hajime sighed. “All right. We will try, but…” Hajime hardened his gaze, straightened his posture, “You’re going to listen to me. If you push yourself too hard you could set yourself back. Do I make myself clear?”

“Very well.” Pekoyama replied, barely batting an eye. “I’ll leave my recovery in your hands.” She gave a half bow.

That was a milder response than expected. Hajime have a small exhale, “If we work together, you’ll be out of here in no time.”

“Excellent.” Pekoyama sat up straighter.

Hajime blinked. Pekoyama stared at him, gaze unwavering.

“…are we going to proceed?” Pekoyama asked.

“Now?” Hajime asked. “It’s late…”

“I’ve been resting all day.” Pekoyama replied, “I’m fine.”

Well… it seemed Hajime would be starting earlier than expected. He closed his eyes, carefully rummaged through his brain, pulling the talent out like someone trying to grasp a gust of wind. The talent swirled in a cloud around him, settling in like a spray of perfume falling onto skin.

“Very well.” Hajime opened his eyes, “Let’s start.”

Pekoyama’s eyes narrowed, “What are you?” The question filled the air again.

“It’s a long story.” Hajime snorted, “Let’s ignore that for now. I’m going to get a wheelchair. We’re starting off slow.”

She didn’t say anything. Hajime was thankful. Exiting the room, he returned a moment later. Pekoyama hadn’t moved, much to Hajime’s delight. With ease, he helped her out of bed. Pekoyama’s movements were less wobbly than Tsumiki or Komaeda’s were. It made sense. She was one always one in shape, even with Despair. It probably had something to do with her feeling she was a tool… Hajime shoved those thoughts away. It wasn’t time for him ponder the past.

The evening blurred, with exercise and plenty of rests for Pekoyama. She was obviously in better condition than Hajime had assumed, though, he had people like Komaeda as a frame of reference. When he deemed it enough for the evening, she flopped into the wheelchair silently, sweat plastering her hair to her face and neck.

“Do you want a bath?” Hajime asked.

“No… just a warm cloth.” Pekoyama answered.

That was understandable. Hajime nodded, “I’ll ask Tsumiki to help you later.”

They returned to her room, Pekoyama immediately closing her eyes as soon as she returned. Hajime smiled, yawning. The talent slipped back, snapping back into his mind like an elastic band. Blood rushed to his ears, drowning out the world for a moment, reality smearing for a second. Hajime rubbed his head, flopped down into the chair, and sighed. When the room finally focused, the blurring stopping, Hajime stood up, making sure to shut the door to the room softly.

~

Morning poked its head through Nagito’s curtains, obnoxiously announcing its presence. Groaning, Nagito sat up, rubbing his eyes. The events of the night blurred in his mind, scrambling to realign themselves in chronological order. He had spent the morning with Hajime… fell asleep… woke up… they kissed… Nagito flushed, his hand flying up to his neck, pressing against the skin. There was no way he could see the damage Hajime had left… but he swore he could feel the pulsing of the marks under his hand. Shaking the memory to the side, less flush more, and kept organizing his memories. He then ate something with Hajime, just the two of them… and then he walked around before sleeping. How he had slept so much, Nagito wasn’t sure, but he was sure it could qualify as a new record.

Getting out of bed with wobbly legs, Nagito headed to his bathroom, flicking the lights on. His reflection stared back, messy hair, slightly chapped lips, and dark marks all down his neck. Nagito swallowed, ignoring the sour taste of sleep, and pressed his fingers, a wide grin filling his face.

Washing up, Nagito dressed and without a pause, walked out, heading to the restaurant. It was mainly empty, except for Sonia, who was sitting with a tea pot, matching cup of tea at her elbow, and book.

“Good morning Sonia.” Nagito greeted cheerfully.

She turned, “Good morning Ko… oh…” She blinked, gaze falling on his neck, “Good morning Komaeda.” She finished.

“No one else is here?” Nagito asked, walking over.

“No, just us.” Sonia smoothly said, tearing her gaze away from his neck, “Which is good, I wanted to talk about our ceremony for Nanami.”

Nagito perked up, his heart jolting and jumping in his chest. Sitting down quickly, Nagito nodded, “Okay, let’s start.”

“Oh, there is no rush.” Sonia assured, “You can get breakfast before we talk.”

“No, let’s do this now.” Nagito pressed.

“Very well.” Sonia set her book down, “It’s not a very complex ceremony. We’ll just need candles and matches to light them. It’s best to do at night. Also, if you want, you can say a few words, or you can keep them to yourself. What matters is you think about her and the things you wish to say to her.”

“That’s… it?” Nagito blinked, “Sounds simple.”

“It is.” Sonia agreed, “There are variations with things like paper lanterns, but that’s the basic ceremony.”

Paper lantern… Nagito hummed, “That would be nice… a paper lantern… maybe I’ll ask Hinata?”

“Oh, good idea!” Sonia clapped a single clap, “He could help us make one. Or several if everyone wants to join us.”

Everyone. Nagito felt a flutter in his chest. He could see them, all on the beach, taking a moment to try and remember a girl who they didn’t remember. A girl who deserved their thanks and apologies all at the same time.

“I’m sure… if we asked… everyone would join.” Nagito slowly said.

Sonia beamed, “You’re right! We can ask them today!”

~

Kuzuryuu showed up the moment the sun graced the sky, Hajime yawned and waved, letting him walk into Pekoyama’s room ahead of him. Ambling down the hall, Hajime went to the kitchen, setting the coffee maker on. Leaning against the counter, feeling his eyes drop and yawns escape, Hajime waited for the coffee, letting the rich smell slowly wake him up. Pouring himself a cup, he took a long sip, not adding anything. Finishing his cup, Hajime poured another cup, this time adding in sugar and milk. Walking to Pekoyama’s room, he paused. There was no shouting… that was good.

Walking in, he saw Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama, sitting in silence, but a warm silence. Something was in the air, something held between them, glowing and private. Hajime blinked, but walked over to Kuzuryuu, handing the coffee. “Here you go.”

“Thanks Hajime.” Kuzuryuu accepted it.

“Are you hungry Pekoyama?” Hajime turned to her, “I can make something.”

“I’m fine for now.” She declined, “But thank you for the offer.”

“Very well… I’ll just do some tests before Tsumiki comes.” Hajime announced, happy he drank the coffee. The burst was enough to last him until they switched.

“N-No need…” Tsumiki walked in, giving a small wave, “G-good morning e-everyone…”

“Morning.” Kuzuryuu gave a small nod.

“Good morning Tsumiki.” Hajime greeted, “Are… you sure?”

“Y-yes!” Tsumiki nodded, “I c-can do it.”

“I could help…” Hajime offered.

Kuzuryuu rolled his eyes, “You’ve been here for too long Hajime. Go. Sleep.”

“I’m not tired.” Hajime protested, “Wide awake.”

“You had coffee.” Kuzuryuu accused, “You’ll crash eventually.”

“Eventually isn’t now.” Hajime beamed, “I’ll go make us breakfast.”

Kuzuryuu huffed, but Hajime ignored it, walking out, whistling. Pekoyama preferred Japanese style, and that was easy to make. Humming, Hajime went to the kitchen and began to cook, making sure to put another pot of coffee on too. Soon, the smell of breakfast and coffee mixed in the air, his stomach growling. Plating everything neatly, Hajime carried everything out on a tray, back to Pekoyama’s room.

Tsumiki was long done, talking lightly with Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama. The moment Hajime waltzed in, everyone turned to the food. He grinned, setting the tray down.

“See? Breakfast is good.” Hajime passed the plates around.

“Sleep is also good.” Kuzuryuu countered, but accepted his food, “Thanks Hajime.”

“You’re welcome.” Hajime took his plate and leaned against the wall.

“Thank you for the food.” Pekoyama dutifully said.

They ate in relative silence, Hajime happy to have food in his stomach. Polishing off his plate quicker than everyone else, he left to start loading the dishwasher, also filling the sink with water for the dishes that couldn’t fit inside. He was almost done when a knock filled the room.

“Hinata?” Sonia poked her head in.

“Sonia!”

Hajime turned and paused, spotting Komaeda behind her and froze. Even with the lighting he could see Komaeda’s neck, the pale skin not helping matters. Why didn’t he cover up? Why didn’t Hajime make him cover up? He held a groan. It was too late now.

“And Komaeda. Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Sonia brightly said, “Pekoyama is awake?”

“Yes, she’s eating with Fuyuhiko and Tsumiki.” Hajime shut the water off, focusing on their conversation and not Komaeda’s neck.

“Have you seen Owari or Souda?” Komaeda asked.

“No?” Hajime asked.

“That’s fine.” Sonia shook her head, “We’ll find them later. We, have an announcement regarding the ceremony for Nanami.”

Right. Hajime nodded, watching as Komaeda shuffled a little, biting his lip. Sonia gave a small pat to his shoulder, nudging him. He coughed, clearing his throat, and looked up at Hajime.

“We were wondering if you could make some paper lanterns for us.”

Paper lanterns? Hajime’s brain immediately zoomed in on what they had around the island. There was certainly enough around the island for a paper lantern, several in fact. Hajime nodded.

“Sure, that’s easy enough.”

“Could they also… be airborne ones?” Komaeda pressed.

“So… like a sky lantern?” Hajime asked. That was also easy enough, “Sure, I can do that.”

“Thank you, Hinata!” Sonia clapped her hands, “We’ll be in the hospital room with everyone, please join us.”

She walked away, but Komaeda hovered at the door. Hajime immediately walked over, wishing for once Komaeda had his jacket on, but no such luck with the heat they faced every day. Swallowing, Hajime’s hands closed and opened, unsure where they should be. He settled for touching Komaeda’s neck, letting his fingers graze a particularly dark spot.

“You… didn’t cover up…” Hajime wished his voice didn’t sound like a whine.

“Was I supposed to?” Komaeda tilted his head.

“Yes…” Hajime’s voice morphed into a hiss, “We have make up on his island… you could have…”

“Sonia didn’t say anything.” Komaeda pointed out.

“That’s because Sonia has tact.” Hajime replied.

“Are you suggesting the rest of our friends don’t have tact?” Komaeda asked, a small smile filling his face, “Wonder what they’d think if they learnt how you feel about them…”

“You…” Hajime huffed. It really was pointless now. “Let’s just hear what you and Sonia came up with.”

“After you Hinata.” Komaeda’s voice took a slight sing song quality.

~

Nagito touched his neck as they walked back to Pekoyama’s room and grinned. Leaving his neck exposed was worth it to see Hinata’s reaction. He was sure Hinata wasn’t aware exactly how he looked when he saw him. How his breath stopped abruptly, how his eyes widened, his cheeks darkening along with the tips of his ears. It was a delight Nagito would exploit all the time if he could. Holding a giggle, he followed Hinata inside, giving a cheery wave.

“Good morning.” He addressed the room.

Tsumiki immediately spluttered, “G-Good… morning…” She ripped her gaze from him and looked at the floor.

Kuzuryuu gave a small dead stare before he sighed, “Good morning.”

Pekoyama didn’t blink. “Good morning.”

“Now that everyone is here.” Sonia smoothly took over, “Komaeda and I are planning a sort of ceremony for Nanami. We’d like it if everyone came, but it’s up to your discretion.”

Something almost palpable filled the room in slow, rolling waves, lapping at the edges before invading. Nagito wanted to stick his tongue out, taste the almost bland, but bitter air in the room. Kuzuryuu shifted and Tsumiki was holding her hands to her chest, a small squeak erupting from her lips. Pekoyama was the only one who didn’t flinch or make a sound. She sat still, hands resting on her blanket covered lap.

“We’re thinking of doing it in the evening soon. Probably within a day or two at the beach.” Sonia cheerfully continued. “So, please consider joining us.”

She gave a small bow to signal the end. The room shifted again, as though Sonia’s words were the captors and without them, they were unchained.

“I-I’ll consider.” Tsumiki stammered.

“Yeah…” Kuzuryuu half muttered, his gaze catching Pekoyama and Hinata at the same time.

“Very well.” Sonia smiled, “I’m going to find Owari and Souda so I can tell them too. If you’ll excuse me…”

She exited and once more the room shifted, the air thinning, the room moving. Tsumiki started to stammer something to Hinata and Kuzuryuu shifted closer to Pekoyama, words withheld while there were others. Nagito carefully walked out. Sonia hadn’t said she wanted him around to tell Owari and Souda, but that was okay. She didn’t need him to be present.

Idly Nagito wandered outside, staring up at the forever blue sky of the island. For once he wished it would cloud over, grey and muggy with a sombre air. Nagito closed his eyes and imagined the feel of rain, cool, but humid on his skin. He’d be dripping by the time he got back to his cabin, having no umbrella, but it would be a nice change of pace. Rain, would break the sunny days that surrounded them in a glass box of stagnancy.

~

After Sonia’s announcement and Komaeda’s disappearance, Hajime was kicked out of the hospital, curtesy of a scowling Kuzuryuu and a stammering Tsumiki. Walking back to the first island, Hajime gravitated to his cabin. The rest was a blur of showering, dressing down, and flopping onto his bed. Sleep, heavy and dreamless pressed upon him and Hajime slept solidly.

By the time he woke, it was getting dim, dusk and twilight trickling in. Yawning he sat up and stretched, feeling sleep pool in his bones. Washing up, Hajime went to the restaurant. Immediately he spotted Souda and Owari, Souda fiddling with something, at least three different kinds of screw drivers by his side.

“Hey Haji!” Owari waved.

“Hajime!” Souda turned, “Behold!”

He held out what he was working on. Hajime paused. It was… a mini robot?

“It’s Minimaru!” Souda grinned, “Well a version of Minimaru I’m satisfied with. There still needs to be some tweaking and fixing, but over all…”

“It’s… interesting.” Hajime swallowed. Wasn’t he also working on a Mechamaru… or something like that…? Hajime bit his lip and decided to not ask.

“How was your day?” Hajime decided a subject change was the best rout.

“Oh, it was good. Worked and stuff.” Souda grinned, “Hung out with Owari for a bit and now here we are.”

“We also saw Sonia.” Owari answered, “She told us about the thing she’s planning with Komaeda.”

Was it Hajime, or was the atmosphere changing, almost bland with a hint of bitterness? Hajime quickly sat down. “It’s a lot to take in?” He asked.

“Sort of… I mean we know she existed, but we don’t remember her at all, in life or the Program.” Owari continued. “Everything about her cuts off when… well when the world went to shit.”

 _When they helped cause the world to go to shit._ Hajime heard the unspoken words clearly. A shiver, full and tingly ran down his arms.

“I got no idea what to say to her.” Owari finished, voice getting low.

That was the question, wasn’t it? What did they say in this ceremony? At least everyone else had the comfort of knowing somewhere in their lives they knew her, knew Nanami. Hajime… he had no idea. Did he ever know her or meet her? The uncertainty started to chew slowly in the back of his mind. Hajime shook it away.

Did it matter in the end? Regardless if he knew her or not, this ceremony was a chance for him to say something to a girl who died tragically. He’d have to say something.

~

Pekoyama was moving at an alarmingly rapid rate. Hajime silently handed her some water, not commenting on the sweat pooling on her forehead or her matted hair. Tsumiki had attempted to braid Pekoyama’s hair in her usual style, but it was obvious she wasn’t used to it. The hair was loose and the ribbon lop-sided. Hajime tilted his head, his fingers drumming on his leg. No doubt Pekoyama wasn’t going to stop any time soon. Her hair would get in the way…

“Want me to fix your hair?” Hajime asked.

“Pardon?” Pekoyama looked over.

“It’s falling out.” Hajime answered, feeling a talent creep up as he spoke, “I can fix that before you start again.”

Pekoyama looked at him, but she didn’t say no. Hajime walked over slowly, reaching out and gently undoing the braids. Her back straightened and Pekoyama turned, giving Hajime better access to her hair. With his fingers, Hajime started to comb gently, dividing her hair into two before splitting the one side into three even parts.

“Tell me if it’s too tight.” Hajime said before he started to braid. It took him a few minutes, but once he was done, Hajime tied it off before adding the ribbon, making a neat bow. “How is this side?”

Pekoyama reached, touching it, “What can’t you do Hinata Hajime?”

“I’m not sure.” Hajime honestly answered, “Now, the next side…”

“Tell me,” Pekoyama cut him off, “Am I well enough to go to the ceremony Sonia is planning?”

Hajime’s fingers fell from her hair. “What makes you ask this?”

“The Young… Kuzuryuu wants me to go.” Pekoyama replied.

Hajime’s fingers fell back onto her hair. He could imagine the conversation. It went very different than what Pekoyama was letting him believe.

“Do you want to go?” Hajime asked, “Honestly, how do you feel?”

“I…” Pekoyama slowly exhaled, “Kuzuryuu wants me to go…”

“That’s nice.” Hajime rolled his eyes as he divided the other side into three parts, “But what do you want? If you said no, Fuyuhiko wouldn’t be mad. He wants you to make a choice for yourself and do what you like.”

She didn’t move or speak. Hajime finished her braid, neatly tying it off. As soon as his hands fell from her hair, Pekoyama was standing again, using a cane to wobble over to the bars, before she began to practice again.

~

Kuzuryuu was in the restaurant. Nagito stopped at the top of the stairs, blinking. No one else was with him; it was just them. Walking inside slowly, Nagito grabbed a light breakfast and sat down, giving Kuzuryuu some space. He bit into his toast quietly. When was the last time the two of them were alone? Nagito chewed thoughtfully, but couldn’t come up with an answer.

“Hey.” Kuzuryuu suddenly spoke.

“Yes?” Nagito’s voice squeaked a little as he jumped.

“Are you… okay with this ceremony?” Kuzuryuu asked, “Like you’re feeling fine?”

“Uh… yes?” Nagito blinked. That was not what he was expecting. Though what he was expecting, he couldn’t tell.

“I’m okay with it too… in a way.” Kuzuryuu mused, “Just… Peko…”

Ah. Nagito took another bite of his toast, nibbling. “Just ask Hinata. I’m sure Pekoyama will be well enough to join if she wishes.”

Kuzuryuu snorted, “That’s the problem, I’m not sure if she truly wants to. It’s all about what I want… she’s not making her mind up.” He sighed. “If I ask she’ll do it because I want her to.”

For a moment, Nagito felt the heavy chain around his neck, the suffocating feel of metal weighing down, even more when people would tug it. Many did, though he would have said Kamukura could have done it at any time, the cumbersome feel… it was draining. Nagito felt his mind wander a little, remembering how everything he did wasn’t hopeful enough… how he had to do everything for hope, not for his happiness but for hope instead.

Hope… since when did he stop doing things for that lofty ideal? Sure, hope was important, it drove people to achieve, to be the best they could be, to be happy… but it wasn’t his only focus. Nagito looked down at his metal arm. No more would he wish to cut and hurt himself for the sake of Hope. He didn’t have to be blindly devoted to Hope to be happy. He didn’t need a cycle of Despair and Hope to be happy. He could create happiness for himself…

“Pekoyama needs to find what makes her happy and only herself.” Nagito muttered, “Right now she’s equating you to Hope. You’re the thing she needs to make happy. It doesn’t matter if she is burned to the ground to achieve that.”

“To Hope…” Kuzuryuu stole a glance at the metal arm. “Like you were? A fucking Hope lunatic?”

Hope lunatic. That was one way to put it; nothing could be denied there. Nagito snorted, “Right. Anyways just get her something that only she’s happy with. If you don’t like it, the better. It would show she doesn’t have to sacrifice herself to make you happy.”

“…it’s that fucking easy huh?” Kuzuryuu muttered before standing up, “I suppose in the end all solutions are simple.” He paused, “Thanks Komaeda…”

“No problem.” Nagito replied, “I was after all… the Hope lunatic.”

Kuzuryuu gave a smile before he left the restaurant.

~

Sonia was waiting for him as he left, Tsumiki swapping. Hajime looked at the sky, pale and pastel with a few clouds floating. Yawning, Hajime straightened his tie. Sonia immediately walked over, hands flying to his tie.

“A proper tie says a lot about a person.” Sonia firmly said, giving a good tug as she adjusted it better than Hajime’s attempts.

“Thanks Sonia.” Hajime touched the end of his tie and gave another yawn.

“I’m sorry to trouble you at this hour.” Sonia stepped away, “Especially when you were here all night.”

“It’s fine.” Hajime replied. “I’m good.”

“I just wanted to ask you when you’re available to help with the paper lanterns.” Sonia said.

Right. Hajime gave another yawn and rubbed his eyes, “Let me get a cup of coffee and I’ll get to that.”

Sonia pursed her lips and shook her head, “You need rest Hinata. I won’t bother you when there are things you need more.”

“When else will I do it?” Hajime asked, “One twenty-four-hour day is fine.”

“If you’re sure…” Sonia sighed, but immediately schooled her features into a smile, “I’ll be in the Old Building. That way if you get messy, it’s easy to clean up.”

The Old Building. Hajime had almost forgotten about it. They were cleaning and working on it. Hajime had meant to make a trip over, but with Pekoyama waking up, things got skewed and his schedule once again crumbling.

“How’s the cleaning going?” Hajime asked, starting to walk to the bridge.

“It’s been on hold for a bit, but we did a majority of the area.” Sonia answered, following.

“Thanks for that.” Hajime was hit with the smell of the ocean.

“No problem!” Sonia beamed.

They walked back to the first island, nearly running into Kuzuryuu in the process. Sonia excused herself as soon as they stepped into the hotel, heading to the Old Building. Hajime headed to his cottage, grateful for a moment to wash up. The bed looked inviting, almost beckoning him over. The pillows looked plush and the sheets comfortable. Hajime’s body protested loudly as he instead went to the shower, letting the hot water rush over him.

Dressing quickly, Hajime could feel his eyes drooping as he walked. Nearly tripping up the stairs to the restaurant, Hajime gave his face a couple of slaps before he walked inside. Coffee was all he needed. Perhaps after he’d get something to eat.

Komaeda looked up as Hajime walked in, an empty plate with toast crumbs on it. Hajime gave a wave and walked over, leaning down, and pressed a kiss to the side of Komaeda’s face. The marks on his neck were considerably lighter, but a bit of a blush still filled Hajime’s cheeks.

“Good morning Komaeda.” Hajime greeted.

“Morning Hinata…” Komaeda cocked his head, “Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“No, Sonia asked me to help with those paper lanterns.” Hajime replied, “Just getting some coffee. Do you want some?”

“Sure.” Komaeda stood up, followed Hajime into the kitchen, “We don’t have coffee in the Old Building?”

“I don’t even know what we got in there.” Hajime answered, grabbing the coffee pot, filling with water, “This will be my first time inside.”

“Oh, right.” Komaeda gave a small smile, “It’s still a bit stale inside, but we did a lot of cleaning.”

“Sonia said the same.” Hajime set the coffee maker on and leaned against the counter, “Thanks for that.”

“Never a problem.” Komaeda hummed before he leaned with Hajime, their sides pressing. “How’s… Pekoyama?”

“She’s trying to walk at an alarming rate.” Hajime replied, happy he had someone to distract him from feeling sleepy. “But she’s recovering faster than you or Tsumiki.”

“That’s because Pekoyama is a lot more active and healthy than us.” Komaeda laughed.

“Perhaps.” Hajime agreed, “Some people just recover faster than others regardless.”

“Trying to make me feel better?” Komaeda asked, poking Hajime’s side, “Or is this a suggestion for me to start exercising?”

“I’m not suggesting anything.” Hajime immediately replied.

Komaeda laughed again, light and warm, “I’m just teasing.” He pressed closer to Hajime, leaning his head closer so his hair tickled Hajime’s cheek.

The coffee maker clicked. Hajime bit his lip, not wanting to move away from Komaeda. Lifting an arm, Hajime curled it around Komaeda’s waist, tugging him along as he began to rummage for mugs. Komaeda spluttered a little, but followed. Hajime grabbed three mugs and poured the coffee, making sure to add what people liked (Sonia liked sugar and milk. Komaeda liked sugar, but didn’t always add crème or milk).

“Thanks, Hinata.” Komaeda accepted the mug. “Can I join you and Sonia?”

“I don’t see why not.” Hajime took the other mugs, “Let’s go.”

They walked to the Old Building, Hajime keeping an arm around Komaeda’s waist the entire way. When they entered, Sonia gave a grin the moment she spotted them. Hajime handed her the coffee and looked at the materials on the floor, all neatly piled. His brain protested as well as his body, but Hajime took a hearty swig of his coffee before tugging a talent out. The lanterns wouldn’t make themselves.

~

Was this it? Nagito’s heart took a gallop and leap up into his throat. Thickly swallowing, he forced his mug to his lips, clumsily pressing the porcelain to his mouth, wincing at the click against his teeth. The coffee somehow slipped into his mouth, the strong taste immediately jolting his system with caffeine and sugar.

Hinata and Sonia sat a bit away, chatting lightly as Hajime effortlessly made lanterns, hands moving so fast they blurred. The smell of paper, wood, and glue clung in Nagito’s throat along with the coffee, tasting like paper stained with coffee for aesthetic. It was an almost earthy taste, grounding Nagito, making the ceremony feel more like a reality and less like wistful talking.

The ceremony… it was really going to happen. The lanterns would float, the candles would burn, and Nagito would have a moment to say something to Nanami. His stomach flipped and twisted, his mind freezing, reminding Nagito that his words weren’t planned yet. What would he say? What could he say? Was what appropriate to say? A simple sorry wasn’t enough. Sorry was weak and lazy. He had to have something else to say, something profound and meaningful. Other wise this effort would be wasted. Everyone would be upset.

Nagito’s stomach twisted more, souring at the idea of disappointing everyone, of letting everyone down. Sonia, for the suggestion and planning, Hinata with helping make the ceremony a reality, and everyone else who came along, wanting to pay their respects to Nanami. The ceremony had to go well. He couldn’t screw it up.

_(“In the end, you always screw things over.”)_

No… Nagito shook the thought away, biting his lip furiously. He could do this. All it took was some thinking and planning. The ceremony wasn’t until later…

“There, done.” Hinata announced, setting the last lantern down, “Just let them dry. It should be good by the evening.”

The evening. Shit. That wasn’t a lot of time. Nagito exhaled through his nose, slowly and steady. He had this…

“Komaeda?” Hinata’s hand was on his shoulder, “Everything all right?”

Nagito nearly jumped. He focused, staring at Hinata, “I’m good. Sorry… I wasn’t much help here.”

“Your company was all that was needed.” Sonia stated, “We’re grateful. Now…” She looked at Hinata eyes narrowed, “Go sleep.”

“Right, right.” Hinata quickly replied, but a yawn messed up the last part.

“If it works… we can do the ceremony tonight.” Sonia warned, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Hinata answered, “Right Komaeda?”

“Uh…” Nagito thickly swallowed, “Right.”

“All right!” Sonia cheerfully said, “I’ll tell the others!”

She walked off, giving a bow before exiting the room. Silence reigned for all of two seconds before Hinata looked at him, brow furrowed. “Something is on your mind.” He announced.

Was he that obvious? “I’m fine.” Nagito replied.

“… no something is bothering you.” Hinata cut through his weak words. “What’s wrong?”

Nagito tried to think, of excuses or a way to distract Hinata, but Hinata touched his hand, gently folding his fingers with Nagito’s, lacing their fingers. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…” Hinata muttered, “But I am here to listen.”

His heart, the traitor, spluttered. Nagito cussed silently at the organ, but the organ spluttered more in response, pumping blood faster, making his cheeks pinken. Hinata tugged him along, oblivious to the internal struggle.

“I just…” Nagito looked away from their hands. This was ridiculous. They had done way more than just hold hands. “What do I say to Nanami?”

Hinata stopped and let out a chuckle. Nagito felt his cheeks darken, his brain scramble to think of a way to cover up his honesty.

“It’s not that bad… I mean… don’t laugh at me.” Nagito added with a higher pitch at the end.

“I’m not laughing at you.” Hinata rubbed Nagito’s knuckles, “I was just wondering the same thing for myself.”

Oh. Nagito blinked, “I… uh see…”

“It’s hard, right?” Hinata rhetorically asked, “We don’t even remember her. In my case I’m not even sure I knew her in real life in the first place… but I think…” It was Hinata’s turn to flush a bit, “I think if it comes from our hearts it’s fine.”

From their hearts… that sounded like the answer from a children’s anime special, but Nagito couldn’t help but feel his heart lighten, a laugh escaping his throat. It was like Kuzuryuu said…

“It’s that fucking simple huh?” Nagito muttered.

“Did you just… swear?” Hinata asked.

“Just quoting Kuzuryuu.” Nagito added in his defense. “But I suppose… that’s a good start.”

“If you really want to… I can help you write something?” Hinata offered, “Just to feel better prepared.”

That was… Hinata would do that? Nagito looked at Hinata, noting how his eyes kept dropping, yawns barely hidden by his free hand.

“Don’t you need sleep?” Nagito asked, eyebrow raised.

“… I can do this.” Hinata firmly answered, eyes narrowing.

“If you say so…” Nagito muttered.

They returned to the cottages, heading to his. Nagito opened his door, letting Hinata pick a place to sit while he grabbed some paper from his desk. Turning around, pen in hand, Nagito opened his mouth, but shut it. Hinata had collapsed on the bed, half on, legs dangling, eyes closed, chest evenly rising. Nagito snorted and set his paper and pen down.

“You can do this you said…” Nagito whispered less he wake Hinata.

Carefully, making sure to not jar Hinata too much, Nagito arranged Hinata so he was sleeping comfortably. Satisfied, Nagito sat at the desk, picked the pen up, and slowly began to write.

~

Hajime woke to the sound of a pen scratching against paper and soft groans laced with frustration. Blinking, Hajime tried to think of what he was last doing. He had helped Sonia with the lanterns… then Komaeda…

Oh. Hajime bolted up, blankets rustling in his wake. Komaeda looked over, eyebrow raised.

“Good morning Hinata.” Komaeda said, mirth clinging to his tone.

Hajime flushed and stood up, “Shut it.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Komaeda defended himself.

…

“But you did say you could do this…”

“I said, shut it.” Hajime grumbled, cheeks pink.

“Shutting it.” Komaeda laughed. “Why don’t you come see what I wrote?”

Even though he didn’t say it, Hajime saw the laughter held behind Komaeda’s eyes as they danced with merry. Giving Komaeda a firm poke to the side, Hajime picked the paper up and scanned the sheet. When he finished, Komaeda was twirling the pen, biting his lip. Giving a smile, Hajime set the paper down.

“It sounds perfect.” He simply said.

~

Evening rolled languidly, but heavy, laced with anticipation. Nagito felt his heart race so fast it didn’t feel like he had a pulse anymore. The speech he and Hinata had worked on sat heavy in his pocket, burning. Everything was melding together, weaving. Hinata was carrying the lanterns, Sonia the candles and matches. The beach was calm, the water lapping at the edges and the moon light shining as they set up. Along the side sat Owari and Souda. Tsumiki was curled on a blanket along with Kuzuryuu. Pekoyama sat in the wheelchair, a pair of crutches at her side. Under the moon light everyone looked paler, smoother.

“Thank you for coming everyone.” Sonia greeted.

“Do you need some help?” Kuzuryuu was standing up.

“Pass the lanterns?” Hinata asked.

The lanterns were passed, all of them basic, wood and white paper, no designs. Nagito felt his fingers brush Hinata’s as he accepted the lantern.

“If you could light one each once they’re inside the lantern.” Sonia handed the candles over. Nagito accepted his with sweaty palms.

“Perfect! Minimaru has a lighter function!” Souda grinned, holding the tiny robot to the candle. Sure, enough the robot lit the candle for Souda.

Sonia then handed Mimimaru around after lighting her candle. Nagito did the same, barely feeling the heat on his hand. When the candles were lit, a warm yellow glow filled the area, muted by the white paper of the lantern. Hinata then stepped up, holding a lantern.

“If you could hold onto the lanterns for now…” Hinata looked at Sonia.

“Right! So, we need to say some words to Nanami.” Sonia instructed. “First…” She looked at him, “Komaeda?”

It was time. Nagito swallowed, barely feeling Hinata touch him as he took the lantern from his hands. With shaky hands, Nagito dug into his pant pocket, pulling the paper out. Unfolding it, he took an unnecessary amount of time smoothing the paper. The words were clearly seen in the light from the moon and lanterns, but the ink still blurred in Nagito’s eyes.

“I um…” Nagito cleared his throat, “I want to thank everyone first… for helping with this ceremony.” He took a deep breath. From the heart. That’s what Hinata had said. Looking at his paper, Nagito forced himself to speak.

“I don’t remember Nanami, as I’m sure most of us are the same. Everything about her has been forgotten, but it doesn’t mean she isn’t important or didn’t sacrifice for us. AI Nanami saved you after… I tried to kill you all.” Nagito thickly swallowed, “And I’m sure the real Nanami was the same. It’s probably why she isn’t here with us now.”

Some point in time, Nagito felt Hinata lean a bit closer to him, letting his presence comfort. Nagito felt his hands stop shaking slowly.

“So, I’d like to take this time to thank her. To acknowledge that even though we don’t remember her, Nanami is still someone important to us, our friend and classmate.” Nagito sucked in a deep breath, “I’d also like to apologize to her. She… died, brutally and we didn’t do anything to stop it. So… I know this isn’t nearly enough, but I’m sorry. I hope someday we remember her, because while she might be physically dead, Nanami can live in our memories.”

Nagito trailed off, stuffing the paper into his pant pocket again. Hinata handed his lantern back. Silence, thick and heavy draped over them. Closing his eyes, Nagito saw the dream play out, her death, the spikes, the impaling, the blood… it sent a wave of shivers and tears at the corner of his eyes.

Distinctly, Nagito heard Sonia thank him and offered for everyone else to say something. One by one, people spoke, but Nagito could barely hear them, the words going in one ear and out the other. Instead of absorbing, the words floating and surrounded him, creating a barrier. Nagito let the words surround him, invade him, bind him.

When Sonia told them to let go of the lanterns, Nagito barely felt the lantern leave his fingers. The light floated warmly, burning the words that surrounded them, sending them to Nanami. The lanterns burned for eternity, burning the unspoken words and feelings.

The lanterns fell when the candles died, dropping to the sand. Nagito numbly picked the lantern up, feeling the sand grains stick gritty and cold to his hands. It was a prick to reality, which slammed into his head with the grace of a sledge hammer to a pound of uncooked meat. Sound filled Nagito’s brain slowly. He could hear Kuzuryuu asking if Pekoyama could stay in her cottage for the evening. Hinata gave a positive answer. Then, goodbyes were exchanged, laced with thanks as slowly everyone disappeared, taking their lanterns with them.

“Komaeda?” Hinata’s voice filled his ears. “We can go back.”

“Right. Sorry.” Nagito pulled his thoughts away. “Can… I stay the night?”

“Of course.”

They walked to the cottage, hands laced. Warmth filled Nagito, sending shivers through his body as he realized how cold he was. Hinata was so warm… always there for him. Despite the crap he had put Hinata through in the beginning… Hinata was alive, here, supporting him.

Nagito wasn’t sure who began the kissing, but soon it was all he could think of. They barely broke for Hinata to open the door, before they were once again kissing, warm, tender, deep. Nagito felt the wall press against his back as Hinata pinned him there, kissing feverishly. When the kisses trailed lower, Nagito happily tilted his head, letting Hinata suck and lick what he wanted. His shirt was chucked into the corner and soon warm hands were everywhere, pulling, twisting, sending pleasure through his system.

“I love you Komaeda.” Hinata muttered against heated flesh.

Nagito let out a strangled moan, “Call me… Nagito… it’s bit silly to call me by my last name when…”

Hinata’s fingers dipped into his pants, slipping past the button and into his checkered underwear. Nagito let out a gasp mixed with a moan, all thoughts escaping his brain as Hinata moved his fingers just right…

A sob escaped and Nagito immediately wrapped his arms around Hinata, pulling him closer, pressing messy kisses to any part of Hinata he could reach. The wall pressed harder against his back and Nagito could care less.

“I could do you here and now…” Hinata muttered against Nagito’s collarbone, “No bed needed.”

Good god those words went right to Nagito’s heart, clogging it up, sending delicious shivers up and down his spine. Why was everything too hot and his pants so tight? The image Hinata conjured with those words was enough for Nagito to completely lose reason.

“You won’t accomplish that by talking about it.” Nagito breathlessly challenged.

Hinata looked up, his eyes laced with lust and desire. They pinned Nagito in place as, with a dexterity that left Nagito breathless, Hinata easily worked to get Nagito completely naked, shivering, wanting, and pressed against a wall.

“Is that a challenge?” Hinata asked as his hands went down and stroked.

Nagito could only answer by moaning, unable to think of any witty response.

~

_She sat at the desk, sunlight dripping inside. It was a warm silence, bathed in golden hues and a sweetness so sharp it was almost painfully nostalgic. Nagito walked in, sat at the desk in front of her, Nanami smiled, reached out and touched his hand._

_“Thank you.” She said, “Your words meant a lot.”_

_Nagito snorted, “Did our words really get to you, or is this my dream trying to make me feel better?”_

_“Who knows?” Nanami replied, “I suppose that’s up to you… I think.”_

_“I wouldn’t put it past my brain to mask guilt with happiness.” Nagito mused._

_“Guilt?” Nanami tilted her head, “Is that what this is? Do you feel guilty?”_

_Nagito opened his mouth, but couldn’t lie. He shook his head, “I feel… better?”_

_“Better is good.” Nanami grabbed his hand, “And better is sometimes all we can be.”_

_Nagito smiled and lifted their hands, “I suppose better is good.”_

~

_He was in a classroom, one lit with warm sunlight and golden hues. Sitting at a desk was a girl, short hair, long sleeves that half covered her hands. Hajime carefully walked over. The girl was staring out the window, but as he moved closer she pulled out a game console._

_The room shifted, the classroom melting, replaced with concrete and golden sky. A water fountain trickled pleasantly as the girl sat on the edge, still playing her game. Hajime tugged his tie and realized he was wearing a suit, dark and form fitting._

_She looked up, nearly causing Hajime to jolt. Giving a small smile, she patted the space beside her._

_“We meet again.” She said, “How are you?”_

_Again? Hajime pondered, but walked over and sat down. “Hello?”_

_“You’ve found your happiness.” She said with a warm voice, “You’re happy, less conflicted. I’m glad. You’ve found someone and your place in the world.” Her voice dipped. “Shame… I didn’t get to see it in person…”_

_Wait. Hajime bit his lip. Was this… “Are you Nanami?”_

_She blinked, tilting her head at him, before smiling, “What do you think Hinata?”_

~

Nagito woke up, sore and achy, but in a pleasant way. The room was mixed with a heavy smell and the ocean breeze. Shifting, Nagito stretched, feeling pain dance up and down his back. His neck ached too, probably from sleeping at a strange angle. When Hinata woke, he’d ask for a neck massage. No doubt Hinata had a talent for that hidden. He’d also have to have a long bath, more like a soak than a bath. Perhaps Hinata would join him and they’d have another round. What number, Nagito wasn’t sure. He had lost count and the idea made him shift with a blush. The pain danced again, sharper. Hinata had done a number on him and he’d be sore for the day.

His dream played in his brain and he snorted. It was probably his brain trying to make him feel like he had done something, changed something. That his thoughts and feelings reached Nanami. But Nagito was peaceful, his heart wasn’t turning. The shaking and jitters from the day before were gone, replaced with something warm and fuzzy. His brain was silent, nothing rattling in his mind, no shakiness, no voices. Nagito closed his eyes, trying to seek them out, even the darkest corners of his mind, but it was empty, just him.

He smiled and flopped closer to Hinata, snuggling his face into Hinata’s chest.

“Nagito?” Hinata asked, voice laced with sleep.

“Sorry.” Nagito pulled away, “I… just… good morning?”

Hinata’s eyes fluttered open, “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

“Sore.” Nagito honestly answered, “I want a bath, a long soak, and a neck massage. This time, I don’t want it interrupted.”

“Your wish is my command.” Hinata muttered absentmindedly.

Nagito felt heat flood his face at the words, pooling in his cheeks and seeping into his stomach.

“Also…” He felt the heat egg him on, “I want you to join me.”

“Oh?” Hinata raised an eyebrow, “Well…” He blushed, “I think I can arrange that.”

After their… long bath… Nagito ambled out of the bathroom, humming to himself, wrapping a towel around his hair. Walking to the door, he opened it, intending to let the steam float out, but paused, eyes widening.

The sky was dark, clouds filling the space. The air was humid, and rain fell, falling in a pitter patter, washing out all other sounds. Nagito gasped and without thinking ran outside, as though seeing the rain from the door made it less real. The water hit him, cool and warm, mixed with the humidity, soaking his hair again.

“Nagito!” Hinata called from the door way, “You just showered!”

Nagito twirled, feeling laughter bubble from his lips, “Come, join me!” He yelled.

“What? No…”

Nagito pouted, “Come on!”

Racing back, Nagito pulled Hinata, laughing as he stumbled and protested into the rain. His clothes immediately darkened, his hair plastering to his forehead. Nagito gripped Hinata’s hands and twirled around, feeling the cool air and water rush around him.

“You’ll get us sick.” Hinata protested.

Nagito rolled his eyes, “Have some fun.” He leaned over and kissed Hinata, “Besides, dancing in the rain is tradition.” Nagito smiled warmly. Hinata looked so cute, plastered and soaked in the rain, “I love you Hajime.”

“If you say so…” Hinata huffed, but leaned in and kissed him again, a soft smile filling his face, “I love you too Nagito.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opening scene: -fans self- wow it got hot in here...
> 
> Pekoyama: Just my headcanon that she'd recover faster than some of the others.
> 
> Paper Lantern/ Sky Lantern: I quickly Wikipedia'd this and there is a difference between a paper lantern and one that floats.
> 
> Hair: I just... I love when people play with my hair... I had to add in Hinata being hairdresser...
> 
> After the ceremony: Oops... I got a bit suggestive here...
> 
> Rain: I love dancing in the rain.


End file.
